what not to say in personal statement

Personal Statement Do’s & Don’ts

Your grades and standardized test scores are set by now, so the personal statement is your last chance to add something new to your college applications.

An effective personal statement is well-written, avoids cliches, tells a story about you that shows the admissions committee who you are, and brags a little—but doesn’t show off.

I’ve compiled a list of personal statement ‘do’s’ and ‘don’ts’ to help you as you work your way through your first few drafts.

For even more help with the college admissions process, including boosting that standardized test score, consider taking an SAT prep course or ACT prep course with Prep Expert.

personal statement help prep expert

Do Tell A Story

To keep admissions officers interested, tell a story about yourself, rather than write a traditional five-paragraph essay.

Admissions officers read thousands of personal statements every year. You want yours to be compelling and memorable. So, be creative—think about an experience or part of your biography that’s special to you, and write about it.

Avoid topics admissions officers are likely to read about over and over again in other personal statements. Plenty of people have volunteered for Habitat for Humanity or been the captain of their high school basketball team, for example.

Remember, you want to stand out—so, if you do write about something like this, put your own unique spin on it.

221509_PersonalStatement_01_050318

Do Brag About Yourself

It’s a personal statement—it’s okay to write about your strengths and accomplishments.

Most people aren’t comfortable bragging about themselves. But that is exactly what to do in your personal statement. Talk about:

  • Sccomplishments
  • Moments where you made yourself proud

Just be sure to do so tastefully.

How do you strike this balance? Show, don’t tell.

Don’t tell the admissions committee you’re a good person—show them you’re a good person by writing about a good deed that you performed.

Don’t tell them you’re the best basketball player in the state—set the scene and describe how you led your teammates to victory in the championship game.

A good rule of thumb here is to try and use verbs, rather than adjectives.

221509_PersonalStatement_02_050318

Do Respect Word Limits

Overworked admissions officers won’t agree that you’re worth more of their time than other applicants—keep your personal statement within the word limit.

Most colleges and universities have a word limit for personal statements. While you might think that you have a particularly compelling story to tell, and need more paragraphs than alotted, don’t give in to this temptation.

Being over by a couple of words isn’t a huge problem—admissions officers aren’t going to count your personal statement word for word—going way over the word limit though will not be a plus for your application.

As mentioned, admissions officers have to read thousands of personal statements every year—so don’t go and give them extra homework.

Besides, you can tell a great story about yourself within the word limit. Being confined to five paragraphs or a couple of pages forces you to write only about the most important and interesting aspects of your story.

If you’re having trouble meeting the word limit, on the other hand, you probably don’t have enough to say about the topic you’ve selected. Go back to the drawing board and try telling a different story.

221509_PersonalStatement_03_050318

Do Obey The Rules Of Grammar

It’s okay to use a more personal style of writing, but admissions officers want to know you can write well—check your spelling, and follow the rules of grammar.

Your personal statement is not the place to use slang or casual language. But do show off your command of vocabulary—you want your personal statement to show you’re ready for college-level writing.

221509_PersonalStatement_04_050318

Do Personalize Your Statement

Be sure to reference the school you’re applying to in your personal statement— but don’t accidentally tell Yale how much you’re hoping to attend Harvard.

Even if you’re using the Common Application, you should tailor your personal statement to each school to which you’re applying. Mention the school in your closing paragraph, for example.

It’s fine to recycle the same personal statement for several applications—almost everyone does this—but don’t simply use the find-and-replace function to change the name of the school and be done with it.

Do a thorough once-over to make sure you haven’t accidentally mentioned how much you want to attend Duke in the personal statement you’re sending to Georgetown. (This might seem like a no-brainer, but admissions officials report goofs like this do happen all the time.)

221509_PersonalStatement_05_050318

Do Get Feedback

Have a few people look over your personal statement for you before you submit it—both to catch typos, and to assess its strengths and weaknesses.

After all the writing you’ll be doing, you’ll need a few other pairs of eyes to help you see what you’ve been missing. So, once you’ve written a draft of your personal statement, it’s a good idea to show it to others—friends, parents, teachers—and ask their opinions.

Do they think you’ve done a good job introducing yourself to the admissions committee? Did you misspell the college’s name or leave a comma out of place? Let someone else’s fresh perspective tighten up what you’ve put together so far and make it as great as possible.

223798_PersonalStatement2_01_050418

Don’t Restate Your Resume

Don’t use your personal statement to repeat information admissions officers can find in other parts of your application.

You want your personal statement to stand out in a sea of applicants, and you also want to show a side of you that isn’t shown in the other parts of your application. So, don’t make the most common mistake that many applicants make.

That mistake is simply writing a laundry list of your extracurricular activities and academic accomplishments. Admissions officials can already get this information by looking at your application and high school transcript.

[leadmagnet_five]

223798_PersonalStatement2_02_050418

Don’t Write About Sensitive Topics

Don’t write about anything that might make the reader feel awkward or uncomfortable—your personal statement should be positive and uplifting.

There are certain topics—domestic violence or sexual assault, for example—that might have had a profound impact on your life. You could be tempted to write about these things, to show how you have successfully overcome adversity. Don’t.

Not to downplay these experiences and their personal importance, but these topics, and others like them, are simply too sensitive to write about in a brief personal statement.

It’s not a bad idea to write about how you have overcome adversity, but your personal statement should be positive and leave your reader feeling good, not uncomfortable.

223798_PersonalStatement2_03_050418

Don’t Have Someone Else Write Your Personal Statement For You

Admissions officers will be able to tell if someone else wrote your personal statement, so make sure the writing is all yours.

This might seem like another no-brainer, but each year, plenty of applicants have someone else write their personal statements for them. These applicants mistakenly think that asking a stronger writer or a native speaker to pen their essay will leave their application in better shape.

However, admissions committees are alert to this practice, and if your ‘voice’ in your personal statement is significantly different from the one in your SAT or ACT essay, admissions officers are going to know they’re not reading your actual writing.

Submitting someone else’s work as your own—better known as plagiarism—is not a good look for your application, and might result in an automatic ding.

223798_PersonalStatement2_04_050418

Don’t Forget To Show Some Self-Awareness

Show admissions officers that you’re self-aware by avoiding topics that make you look spoiled or insensitive.

Be aware of the advantages you’ve grown up with so far in life. Plenty of students want to write about their life-changing trip to Costa Rica, for example.

But, unless you do so in a way that shows true cultural awareness or engagement with global issues, all you’re really doing is bragging about a really cool vacation that you took.

Unfortunately, that’s not something an admissions officer wants to read about while reviewing a giant pile of applications on their desk.

[leadmagnet_two]

Nor is this type of personal statement likely to reflect well upon you against other applicants, who are writing about topics like being the first in their family to attend college, overcoming an illness, or being an immigrant, for example. Take a minute to think about how your topic choice will come across before writing.

223798_PersonalStatement2_05_050418

Don’t Wait Until The Last Minute To Write It

If you write your personal statement the same day as its due, it’s not going to be good enough to make a difference in your college admissions chances.

Don’t deprive yourself of the opportunity to write something that’ll catch an admissions officer’s eye, and help you stand out among thousands of other applicants, by procrastinating on your personal statement.

An effective, well-written personal statement takes requires some serious time and thought to do. You should try and get started on it in the summer before your senior year, so when school begins all you have left to do is dot those I’s and cross those t’s.

For more test strategy, college admissions, and scholarship application tips sign up for our FREE class happening right now!

Personal Statement Do’s and Don’ts FAQ

What is a personal statement.

The personal statement is an essay that educates admissions officials about who you are and why you deserve to be admitted to their institution.

What are the elements of an effective personal statement?

How early should i work on writing my personal statement.

You should try and get started on it in the summer before your senior year.

What shouldn’t I do when writing my personal statement?

Don’t restate your resume, wait until the last second, be arrogant, write about controversial topics, or have someone else write it for you.

Related Articles

what not to say in personal statement

Navigating the College Admissions Process: A Comprehensive Guide for Parents

Mar 5, 2024

what not to say in personal statement

Colleges With No Application Fee in 2024 – A Full List

Jan 30, 2024

what not to say in personal statement

The Best College Essay Topics

Jan 23, 2024

Recent Posts

So you think you can cheat on the digital sat, can you take the sat at any age, how hard is the act, a comprehensive digital sat prep guide, top 10 secrets to raise your child's score.

Join Prep Expert Founder and Perfect SAT Scorer Shaan Patel for this exclusive event!

what not to say in personal statement

$200 OFF COUPON CODE

Subscribe to our emails and get $200 OFF any Prep Expert Online Course.

Enter the coupon code SHARKTANK200 to save $200 OFF any Prep Expert Online Course!

By providing your email address, you agree to our Privacy Policy and Terms & Conditions

No thanks, I’d prefer to pay full price.

The Magoosh logo is the word Magoosh spelled with each letter o replaced with a check mark in a circle.

13 Mistakes to Avoid in Your Personal Statement

Without question, your grades and test scores are the most important part of your grad school application. But stellar grades and a high GRE score are not enough to make you stand out from the thousands of other applicants with similar scores.

So how can you distinguish yourself? The answer: A unique and thoughtfully crafted personal statement.

Think about all the study sessions, missed parties and hard work you’ve put into maintaining good grades and achieving a score that made your mother cry tears of joy. Don’t throw all that away by writing a weak personal statement. This is a valuable opportunity for you to show the admissions department why they would be remiss not to accept you.

On the other hand, it’s important to not get too creative. I’m sorry, but you should probably save your Quentin Tarantino-style statement for another time. Trust me on that one.

Instead, it’s time to channel your inner Goldilocks and express who you are in a way that’s not too much and not too little, but is “just right” to catch the admission department’s attention.

To help you navigate through the writing process, we’ve compiled a list of 13 mistakes you should avoid when writing your personal statement.

image

Cliches can be hard to avoid. They’ve been lodged in our memory since the dawn of time. (See what I did there?) But they’re uninspiring, tired, and show a lack of creativity. Instead, come up with your own metaphors and similes to say in your unique way that you “have a thirst for knowledge,” and avoid clichés like they’re going out of style.

2. Redundancy

Don’t include your GPA in your personal statement. Let me say that again. Don’t include your GPA in your personal statement. In fact, avoid including any information – such as awards you’ve received, etc. – that can be found elsewhere in your application. It’s redundant. Think of your personal statement as valuable real estate and there’s only enough space for the best, most unique information.

3. Spelling or Grammatical Errors

Personal essay 5

This cannot be overstated. Admissions directors won’t be able to fully appreciate your powerful personal statement if they have to keep stumbling over spelling and grammar errors. Avoid errors by asking a friend or family member to help you proofread your statement. Another pair of eyes is more likely to catch if you misspelled “conscientious,” for example.

4. Profanity or Slang

This should go without saying, but some students forget to leave out certain inappropriate four-letter words. Just. Don’t. Do. It.

Quotes can be very inspirational, especially when they come from great writers and charismatic people like Martin Luther King, Jr. or E.E. Cummings. But they’re not YOUR words, and they don’t tell the admissions director who you are. Leave them out of your personal statement and post them on your Instagram instead.

6. Hyperboles

Personal essay 3

You want to show enthusiasm in your statement, but it’s not necessary to say that if you don’t get into grad school your “mother will kill you.” The admissions director will also likely not be impressed if you tell them you have studied no less than a million hours to get into their school. In fact, avoid any and all exaggerations.

7. Plagiarism

These days, it’s easy to find examples of great personal statements online. However, keep in mind that universities will be able to identify if you have copied any material from another source. It’s not worth the risk and, again, it doesn’t let the school see your uniqueness.

8. Other People

Remember, keep the focus of your statement on you and what makes you stand out. Avoid too much mention of mentors, family members, or other people who may have inspired your academic goals. Keep it all about you.

9. Negativity

what not to say in personal statement

Keep your personal statement upbeat and positive. Avoid talking about any past educational experiences. You should also avoid mentioning any personal circumstances that have caused you difficulty – unless you are able to highlight how you overcame the circumstances and what you learned from them.

Although you may be trying to secure a financial award from the school, you should leave out any mention of money in your essay. Period.

11. Arrogance

Of course you want to highlight what differentiates you from other students, but be sure to do so in a humbling way. Boasting about how awesome or great you are may be off-putting to those reviewing your application. Also, you should show , rather than tell how wonderful you are by describing certain unique experiences rather than listing superficial adjectives to describe yourself.

Often times, we immediately try to use humor to showcase what makes us unique. Being quirky, though, can be risky in an admissions essay. So proceed with caution. Keep in mind that those in the admissions department may not share your sense of humor, so it’s best to keep your weird jokes between you and your friends.

13. Confessions

This is an opportunity to describe your educational and professional goals in an intentional way. It is not an opportunity to reveal the deepest, darkest corners of your mind, so stay on point and avoid any irrelevant information.

  About the Author:

JFriend Head Shot

Jennifer is here to help you navigate college and grad school while still maintaining your sanity. She is a graduate of the University of Florida (Go Gators!), with a major in Journalism and Communications and a minor in Psychology. She’s also a certified Montessori instructor and once witnessed a four-year-old correctly label all 54 countries on a map of Africa. She prefers to sing when not in the shower, and she’s not afraid of heights as long as she’s standing on something that is less than 15-feet tall.

Image Sources:

  • https://tessatypt.wordpress.com/author/tessaotten/
  • http://thumbpress.com/10-funny-spelling-and-grammar-mistakes/
  • https://www.pinterest.com/pin/533113674616215339/
  • http://tnova.fr/notes/refonder-l-aide-aux-eleves-en-grande-difficulte-scolaire

Jennifer Friend

Jennifer is here to help you navigate college and grad school while still maintaining your sanity. She is a graduate of the University of Florida (Go Gators!), with a major in Journalism and Communications and a minor in Psychology. She’s also a certified Montessori instructor and once witnessed a four-year-old correctly label all 54 countries on a map of Africa. She prefers to sing when not in the shower, and she’s not afraid of heights as long as she’s standing on something that is less than 15-feet tall.

View all posts

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment.

Home › University › How To Write A Personal Statement? 10 Tips + Student Questions Answered › What Not To Put In A Personal Statement

What Not To Put In A Personal Statement

  • Published October 19, 2021

what not to say in personal statement

Table of Contents

Are you wondering what not to put in a personal statement ? If you are then this is the guide for you!

A personal statement can be thought of as an essay that you write to describe who you are. The content of a personal statement is one of the most critical factors in determining if you have a chance to be accepted to your chosen university.

It’s no secret that there are wordings and styles of writing you should avoid putting in your personal statement . A single sentence written out of context can potentially ruin your personal statement!

So if you want to avoid that from happening, you need to go over this list, discussing what not to put in your personal statement.

Let’s crack on!

Claims With No Evidence

You might be thinking, “What could possibly go wrong with listing down what I’m good at?” Well, for one, listing down your strengths without evidence is a fatal mistake.

Related Read : How To Write A Personal Statement?

If you say you have good leadership skills, why not write down the awards you received to back up your claim? Mentioning prominent positions you’ve had in your organisations is also an excellent way to prove your skills.

Listing down your strengths without evidence shows poor credibility on your part. Remember this when you’re thinking of what not to put in a personal statement!

Skills Or Extracurricular Activities Irrelevant For Your Course

You’ve listed down your strengths with sufficient evidence to back up your claim. Now ask yourself the question: how do your strengths relate to your course?

Sure, you have outstanding leadership skills, but how will you use that in the field of chemistry? Say you’re an excellent debater; will that give you an edge when applying for engineering?

Make sure you tie your strengths back to the course you’re applying for. If you don’t, you might as well not put them in. You only have 4,000 characters to convince the panel that you are worth accepting. 

Make each word count!

what not to put in a personal statement

Poor Grammar And Spelling

Poor grammar and spelling are essential criteria when talking about what not to put in a personal statement. Spelling and grammatical errors can ruin decent content for a personal statement. 

They show that you didn’t care enough to go over your personal statement and improve the quality.

Are you a budding medic? Here’s how to write a medical personal statement .

If you want to prove that you are a worthy applicant for your course, demonstrate your careful attention to detail by eliminating spelling and grammatical errors. Make it easy and pleasant for the admissions committee to read.

Doing so increases your chances of admittance by a hundredfold!

Failures And Regrets

Failures and regrets are some of the biggest things to remember on what not to put in a personal statement.

Why? Because your personal statement is a personal essay that sells you to universities for acceptance. Not an autobiography for you to inspire somebody like self-help books often do.

Mentioning how you failed Statistics or regret not trying out for the football team doesn’t accomplish very much when convincing the admissions committee that you’re potential student material.

But there is an exception to this rule. If your failure contributed significantly to developing your relevant skill, you may go ahead and write it down. As long as you make the connection explicit, you’re good to go!

Keep this progression in your mind: failure, skill development, then tie it back to your course. This narration structure demonstrates your grit and determination to try harder.

Sentences That Lead Nowhere

Avoid one-liners or sentences that don’t fit the context of your personal statement. If you’re writing about what inspired you to study engineering, don’t just mention inspirations and leave them hanging. Did a particular invention spark your interest?

Discuss why it sparked your interest. Could it be that the invention helped lift thousands of people from energy shortage? Perhaps it has helped alleviate global warming?

If so, how is that invention relevant in the 21st century? Then, if given the opportunity, what improvements would you make to enhance its usefulness in society? Perhaps this is the perfect opportunity for you to discuss technology ideas you have in mind. You may want to pursue it if the universities accept you.

From the universities’ point of view, they’ll be thrilled to accept a student who plans to invent a potentially groundbreaking tech. Do you see where this is going?

Each sentence in your personal statement has to build upon one another to come across as coherent. One sentence that leads nowhere will leave your reader hanging and perplexed. You can quickly lose the momentum you’ve worked so hard to gain.

So “sentences that lead nowhere” should be in your “what not to put in a personal statement” list!

Quotes That Don’t Fit

Quotes are powerful, authoritative, and timeless. They can easily lift your personal statement to a higher level. But you need to know how to use them to their fullest potential. Or they may end up ruining your personal statement!

So if you want to use quotes, make sure they fit the context of your personal statement. You cannot drop in a random quote by Theodore Roosevelt with no connection to your story and how your experience relates to your determination to study the course.

One of the best ways to make quotes work is to interweave them throughout your personal statement. Explain how the quote inspired you to be a volunteer in the local kitchen soup. Then explain how your experience in the kitchen soup motivated you to apply for the course.

For a full-blast ending, mention your quote again in your conclusion.

Related Read: How To Conclude Your Personal Statement?

Facts With No Context

By now, you have substantial know-how on what not to put in a personal statement. But there’s more – facts with no context.

You don’t have to demonstrate your knowledge by discussing facts or histories. Chances are, the admissions already know what you’re talking about. They probably know more than you do!

So steer clear of textbook-type explanations. Your personal statement is not a research paper! It’s a personal essay aimed at showing the reader why you should be admitted as their student. That’s why you need to nail your facts or histories in context by explaining how these helped you in your personal development. What realisations did you have that urged you to hone your skills? 

Don’t forget to tie your skills in with your course, writing why they’re essential for you to succeed in the field. 

Made Up Stories

Making up stories is an absolute red line you must never cross. But it’s not easy to resist when you feel the pressure to impress and stand out. When you do feel the pressure, think of the effects down the road.

How would you prepare for a university interview if they were to ask you a question about the made-up story? Slight exaggerations, no matter how believable, can still knock you out cold when caught off-guard!

Say you mentioned that you read a particular journal article. Here comes an up-to-date professor who knows the latest research papers like the back of their hand. They ask you a question about it, but your poor answers reveal the truth that you made the story up.

Do you feel the chills crawling down your spine at the very thought? Good! Please don’t do it! It’s not worth it.

Not only can it ruin your chances of being admitted. But it can also potentially damage your career options years later!

Childhood Aspirations

Childhood aspirations carry little weight in personal statements. Why? Because you didn’t have the knowledge, experience, or skills yet to make an informed choice of your course.

The admissions committee is not looking to know your whole life story. What they want to know is if you’re a great fit as a student of your course.

Do you have the necessary experience and skills to succeed in your chosen field of study? What’s your purpose? What are your long-term plans?

Mentioning your childhood aspirations will only waste much-needed space in your personal statement. Replace what’s not needed with what’s necessary. Choose only the best and most relevant of your experience and strengths and put them on your personal statement.

If you want to avoid writing what not to put in your personal statement, this list should be a great starting point.

The main idea is to nail down each sentence in context. Every line should support the whole point of your personal statement. That is, to convince the admissions committee that you are qualified to be their student.

So keep your personal statement clear of these common errors, and you’ll have greater chances of succeeding!

Related Content

How to get into the fashion industry.

what not to say in personal statement

Real Alumni Stories

Learn more about our alumni through their success stories.

  • Real stories about our Alumni
  • Students share their programme experiences
  • Case studies from Alumni heading to Oxbridge
  • Alumni insights and stats

Empower Your Child's Future: Book Your Complimentary Consultation Now

  • Receive tailored advice to match your child's interests and goals.
  • Gain insights from our experienced programme consultants.
  • Get answers in real-time, making your decision-making process smoother and more informed.

Immerse Education advisor

* Terms and Conditions may apply

  • First Name *
  • Family Name *
  • Phone Number
  • I'm a Parent
  • I'm a Student

Would you like to receive anything else?

  • Prospectuses
  • Residential Syllabus Overviews (ages 13-15)
  • Residential Syllabus Overviews (ages 16-18)
  • Online Syllabus Overviews (ages 13-18)
  • Immerse Education Prospectus 2024
  • Career Insights - London Course Guide
  • Career Insights New York
  • Career Insights San Francisco
  • Online Insights Prospectus
  • Online Research Programme Prospectus
  • Academic Insights - Cambridge & Oxford Prospectus
  • Academic Insights Sydney
  • Academic Insights Toronto
  • Female Future Leaders
  • Dates & Fees
  • Architecture
  • Artificial Intelligence
  • Business Management
  • Business Management (Sydney)
  • Business Management (Career Insights)
  • Computer Science
  • Creative Writing
  • Creative Writing (Sydney)
  • Creative Writing & Film (Career Insights)
  • Earth Sciences
  • Engineering
  • Engineering (Career Insights)
  • Engineering (Sydney)
  • Film Studies
  • International Relations
  • International Relations (Sydney)
  • Medicine (Career Insights)
  • Medicine (Sydney)
  • Natural Sciences
  • Psychology (Sydney)
  • Veterinary Studies (Sydney)
  • Banking & Finance (New York)
  • Business Management (London)
  • Data Science & Analytics (San Francisco)
  • Creative Writing & Film (London)
  • Entrepreneurship (San Francisco)
  • Engineering (London)
  • Fashion & Design (New York)
  • Health Tech & Biotechnology (San Francisco)
  • Marketing & Entertainment (New York)
  • Medicine (London)
  • Law (New York)
  • Software Development & AI (San Francisco)
  • Architecture & Design (Career Insights)
  • Biotechnology
  • Business Management (Toronto)
  • Computer Science & AI (Toronto)
  • Criminology
  • Engineering (Toronto)
  • English Literature
  • Fine Art (Career Insights)
  • Game Design (Career Insights)
  • Law (Career Insights)
  • Mathematics
  • Medicine (Toronto)
  • Nanotechnology
  • Online Research Programme
  • Online Insights
  • Computer Science & AI
  • Sustainability

Complete Your Request

  • Yes. See Privacy Policy.

Personal statements: What not to do

Sometimes I will unexpectedly stumble across an item I wrote at some point in the distant past, and upon rereading, I’ll be thrilled to discover I still like it. That’s a wonderful feeling—very self-affirming.

That is not the feeling I get when rereading my law school personal statement. More accurate adjectives include “shame,” “revulsion,” and “horror.”

After a couple of seasons in this position, way back in 2003 or so, I got up the nerve to go dig out my application file from the huge storage room hidden deep in the recesses of Hutchins Hall . Given the weight I put on personal statements when I read them, going back to check out my own seemed like a clever idea. Without actually remembering, I’m going to guess that I expected a nice self-affirming experience, but alas, no. I loathed my personal statement to such a degree that I had the Looper -style existential crisis of realizing that if I had been my own dean of admissions, I would not have admitted myself. I returned my personal statement to the vault, resolving never to speak or think of it again.

But as Freud got famous for observing, repressed thoughts have a tricky way of coming back on you. My stupid personal statement would worm its way into my brain every once in a while, and finally, about a year and a half ago, I got the idea of tearing it apart for this blog: part philanthropic, educational gesture; part exorcism. It took me another year or so to get the nerve to go dig out my application file folder again, and yet another six months to beat back the waves of nausea that washed over me every time I peeked at the essay inside. But here we are. I think I’m ready. Let’s just tackle this horrifying task bird by bird . 1

Often I am asked, “What’s a good subject for a personal statement? Do I have to explain why I want to attend law school?” No!, I unambiguously respond. (I say it just like that, with an exclamation mark.) While your life path to law school might very well be in the background of whatever you write, it is certainly not necessary—and usually not desirable—to make it an explicit rendering. Often, even well-considered reasons behind wanting to attend law school are fairly mundane and simply expressed, not to mention shared by many candidates, with the result that any essay focusing principally on them is not particularly compelling. Occasionally, candidates will have very targeted, well-established career interests (e.g., the emergency room doctor who wants a career in health law; the school superintendent who wants a career in education law), and those make for compelling essays. But “I would like to have intellectual challenge in my career; I like unraveling problems; I like research and writing,” are such bland—though completely valid—explanations that they inevitably fail to engage the “personal” part of the personal statement mission. So, while those motivations might be the undercurrent of a personal statement, constructing the essay as an explicit “because A, then B” endeavor is not likely to be riveting.

Another bit of advice I frequently give along those lines is that people who have had experiences very early in life that set them on the path toward law should focus instead on something of more recent vintage. Don’t tell me about how you got an idea as a child about wanting to be a lawyer—I would prefer to know why, now that you’re an adult, your application is in front of me.

Given my standard advice, how much, on a scale of 1 to 10, do you think I loved reading this opening line? “My interest in law school began when I was eight.” Really, just terrible.

From there, my long-ago self went on to explain that that was the year my mother went to law school. Now, my mother’s move was a pretty bold one in 1972 for a 38-year-old mother of three in Main Line Philadelphia, and 40 years later, I still find it admirable and inspiring. I may have just finished generally criticizing this sort of theme (and this shows the danger of general advice), but it seems not impossible that this could have been an interesting topic. Yet, for reasons mysterious to me now, I seem to have made a deliberate choice back in 1989 to explore my topic in the most ham-handed imaginable way. (And let’s just politely avert our gazes from my having identified my mom’s degree, in the second sentence, as a juris doctorate .)

Mostly, my personal statement is hard to read because of the hyper-formal tone I took. I can dimly remember writing with my unknown audience in mind, and picturing them as super, super, super stiff and humorless and scary—also, for some reason, I pictured at least 10 of them simultaneously reading my application. Unsurprisingly, writing to please an audience like that turns out to make for clunky prose—not to mention really awkward, unnatural phrasing.

The whole thing is peppered with words that seem a little—off. I don’t remember doing this, but it reads as if wrote it out normally and then went back to up the syllable count, substituting five-dollar words for my daily quotidian vocabulary, like some horrible Google translate feature gone awry. Here’s a little writing advice from Stephen King on that score: “Any word you have to hunt for in a thesaurus is the wrong word. There are no exceptions to this rule.” 2 (I would have been better served to use a dictionary, given that on at least one occasion I misused a word completely: “disinterest,” which means “lack of bias,” when in fact I meant “lack of interest.”)

Doubtless, it was this same classing-it-up impulse that led me to quote Judge Learned Hand, whose work I had never actually read. Again, I don’t remember doing this, but I presumably combed through a book of quotations to find something inspiring. (Remember, this debacle occurred pre-Internet; I actually had to go to a lot of effort to produce such an unreadable mess.) I’m going to take as an article of faith that, however much you may love the one sentence you have stumbled upon, quoting people whose work you do not actually know is always a bad idea.

My personal statement is also tedious; it is totally expositive, completely devoid of detail or anecdote. I could have told the funny story about the time I got dragged along to a meeting my mom had with her scariest professor, and announced upon exiting (while still in the doorway, mind you) in my loudest eight-year-old voice, “ I think he’s NICE!,” and segued from that to something about how I should be admitted because I had already gotten over Paper Chase -style neuroses. Or I could have told the story about how I once got dragged along to class and sat in the back row next to one of her classmates, another non-traditional student (Episcopal priest turned Vietnam War protester turned would-be lawyer), who gave me whispered explanations of everything that was going on in the discussion, and credited him with some inspirational force. Or I could have told the story about her very young study group partner, who pulled me aside one day (in our living room, mind you) and whispered, “Go away, kid; you bother me,” and explained that I was devoted to the cause of a jackass-free law school. And so on. But I chose instead to explicate in ponderous prose that I was Called To The Law. Shudder.

The flaws are not merely stylistic and thematic. The specific content stinks, too. I veered wildly between being braggy in a quite direct, unnuanced way, and talking excessively about other people, without clearly explaining the significance of those other people to me. And, as if I had never, ever been taught anything about constructing an essay, every paragraph is essentially a stand-alone endeavor. I did not seem to have any particular point I wanted to build to—I was, instead, largely throwing out separate thoughts that seemed potentially persuasive. Focusing on one particular thought or event, and developing that thoroughly, would have been likely to be more productive.

Have I mentioned it was awful?

In retrospect, I have a pretty good idea of how I came to write something so misguided. What I intended to write was something like this: My mom went to law school when I was young. It was an unusual move, and I admired her. In fact, though, she ended up absolutely hating being a lawyer, and then she died when I was in college, still hating it. That combination of circumstances made me really second-guess my previous certainty that The Law Was For Me. I therefore took some time to work in a law office and experiment with some other activities, and consider what I wanted from a career. Mission accomplished, and here I am, Michigan Law School. So, why didn’t I just write that? Because at the time, I was really uncomfortable with the idea of writing about my mom to strangers; even four years after she died, it was still very much an open wound for me, and I was leery of in any way exploiting it. So, instead, I wrote in a completely elliptical way, and never connected the dots—to the extent, weirdly, that I never even said that she had died, just that she had gotten sick. There were two possible solutions for my fundamental writing problem: either pick some less-fraught subject or force myself to be direct.

The good news is, the hot waves of mortification that wash over me when I read it carry with them some helpful perspective. The personal statement is very important, but it is just one piece of the puzzle, balanced by the considerable amount of information elsewhere in the application. (At a completely practical level, this is one of the great virtues of the optional essay prompts we provide; for people tormented by the task of writing a free-form personal statement, the direct, focused questions often lead to a much better result.) Even though I retain a hard little nugget of disdain in my heart for my 24-year-old self, I have learned to be more generous to others. Knowing how badly I flubbed it makes me very admiring of those who don’t, but also more forgiving of those who do. (And very thankful to Allan Stillwagon for having been forgiving of me.) Approach your personal statement as a five-minute conversation with a normal human being, at the end of which you hope the normal human being is thinking, “This person would be well-suited to be at XYZ law school when fall (or, perhaps, summer) comes.”

And for heaven’s sake, go easy with the thesaurus and Bartlett’s Familiar Quotations .

-Dean Z. Senior Assistant Dean for Admissions, Financial Aid, and Career Planning

1 Bird by Bird by Annie Lamott is my all-time favorite book on writing. Shout-out to Lisa Rudgers , who recommended it.

2 Stephen King’s On Writing is my second-favorite book about writing. I have to dissent a bit from his anti-thesaurus edict, though. As one blogger noted , “Actually, I can think of one exception to this rule. I generally don’t pluck words I don’t know out of a thesaurus unless I’m trying to be funny, but if a word is on the tip of my tongue and I can’t for the life of me think what it is, the thesaurus is a good way to find it.”

Have a language expert improve your writing

Run a free plagiarism check in 10 minutes, generate accurate citations for free.

  • Knowledge Base
  • Applying to graduate school
  • How to Write Your Personal Statement | Strategies & Examples

How to Write Your Personal Statement | Strategies & Examples

Published on February 12, 2019 by Shona McCombes . Revised on July 3, 2023.

A personal statement is a short essay of around 500–1,000 words, in which you tell a compelling story about who you are, what drives you, and why you’re applying.

To write a successful personal statement for a graduate school application , don’t just summarize your experience; instead, craft a focused narrative in your own voice. Aim to demonstrate three things:

  • Your personality: what are your interests, values, and motivations?
  • Your talents: what can you bring to the program?
  • Your goals: what do you hope the program will do for you?

This article guides you through some winning strategies to build a strong, well-structured personal statement for a master’s or PhD application. You can download the full examples below.

Urban Planning Psychology History

Table of contents

Getting started with your personal statement, the introduction: start with an attention-grabbing opening, the main body: craft your narrative, the conclusion: look ahead, revising, editing, and proofreading your personal statement, frequently asked questions, other interesting articles.

Before you start writing, the first step is to understand exactly what’s expected of you. If the application gives you a question or prompt for your personal statement, the most important thing is to respond to it directly.

For example, you might be asked to focus on the development of your personal identity; challenges you have faced in your life; or your career motivations. This will shape your focus and emphasis—but you still need to find your own unique approach to answering it.

There’s no universal template for a personal statement; it’s your chance to be creative and let your own voice shine through. But there are strategies you can use to build a compelling, well-structured story.

The first paragraph of your personal statement should set the tone and lead smoothly into the story you want to tell.

Strategy 1: Open with a concrete scene

An effective way to catch the reader’s attention is to set up a scene that illustrates something about your character and interests. If you’re stuck, try thinking about:

  • A personal experience that changed your perspective
  • A story from your family’s history
  • A memorable teacher or learning experience
  • An unusual or unexpected encounter

To write an effective scene, try to go beyond straightforward description; start with an intriguing sentence that pulls the reader in, and give concrete details to create a convincing atmosphere.

Strategy 2: Open with your motivations

To emphasize your enthusiasm and commitment, you can start by explaining your interest in the subject you want to study or the career path you want to follow.

Just stating that it interests you isn’t enough: first, you need to figure out why you’re interested in this field:

  • Is it a longstanding passion or a recent discovery?
  • Does it come naturally or have you had to work hard at it?
  • How does it fit into the rest of your life?
  • What do you think it contributes to society?

Tips for the introduction

  • Don’t start on a cliche: avoid phrases like “Ever since I was a child…” or “For as long as I can remember…”
  • Do save the introduction for last. If you’re struggling to come up with a strong opening, leave it aside, and note down any interesting ideas that occur to you as you write the rest of the personal statement.

Once you’ve set up the main themes of your personal statement, you’ll delve into more detail about your experiences and motivations.

To structure the body of your personal statement, there are various strategies you can use.

Strategy 1: Describe your development over time

One of the simplest strategies is to give a chronological overview of key experiences that have led you to apply for graduate school.

  • What first sparked your interest in the field?
  • Which classes, assignments, classmates, internships, or other activities helped you develop your knowledge and skills?
  • Where do you want to go next? How does this program fit into your future plans?

Don’t try to include absolutely everything you’ve done—pick out highlights that are relevant to your application. Aim to craft a compelling narrative that shows how you’ve changed and actively developed yourself.

My interest in psychology was first sparked early in my high school career. Though somewhat scientifically inclined, I found that what interested me most was not the equations we learned about in physics and chemistry, but the motivations and perceptions of my fellow students, and the subtle social dynamics that I observed inside and outside the classroom. I wanted to learn how our identities, beliefs, and behaviours are shaped through our interactions with others, so I decided to major in Social Psychology. My undergraduate studies deepened my understanding of, and fascination with, the interplay between an individual mind and its social context.During my studies, I acquired a solid foundation of knowledge about concepts like social influence and group dynamics, but I also took classes on various topics not strictly related to my major. I was particularly interested in how other fields intersect with psychology—the classes I took on media studies, biology, and literature all enhanced my understanding of psychological concepts by providing different lenses through which to look at the issues involved.

Strategy 2: Own your challenges and obstacles

If your path to graduate school hasn’t been easy or straightforward, you can turn this into a strength, and structure your personal statement as a story of overcoming obstacles.

  • Is your social, cultural or economic background underrepresented in the field? Show how your experiences will contribute a unique perspective.
  • Do you have gaps in your resume or lower-than-ideal grades? Explain the challenges you faced and how you dealt with them.

Don’t focus too heavily on negatives, but use them to highlight your positive qualities. Resilience, resourcefulness and perseverance make you a promising graduate school candidate.

Growing up working class, urban decay becomes depressingly familiar. The sight of a row of abandoned houses does not surprise me, but it continues to bother me. Since high school, I have been determined to pursue a career in urban planning. While people of my background experience the consequences of urban planning decisions first-hand, we are underrepresented in the field itself. Ironically, given my motivation, my economic background has made my studies challenging. I was fortunate enough to be awarded a scholarship for my undergraduate studies, but after graduation I took jobs in unrelated fields to help support my parents. In the three years since, I have not lost my ambition. Now I am keen to resume my studies, and I believe I can bring an invaluable perspective to the table: that of the people most impacted by the decisions of urban planners.

Strategy 3: Demonstrate your knowledge of the field

Especially if you’re applying for a PhD or another research-focused program, it’s a good idea to show your familiarity with the subject and the department. Your personal statement can focus on the area you want to specialize in and reflect on why it matters to you.

  • Reflect on the topics or themes that you’ve focused on in your studies. What draws you to them?
  • Discuss any academic achievements, influential teachers, or other highlights of your education.
  • Talk about the questions you’d like to explore in your research and why you think they’re important.

The personal statement isn’t a research proposal , so don’t go overboard on detail—but it’s a great opportunity to show your enthusiasm for the field and your capacity for original thinking.

In applying for this research program, my intention is to build on the multidisciplinary approach I have taken in my studies so far, combining knowledge from disparate fields of study to better understand psychological concepts and issues. The Media Psychology program stands out to me as the perfect environment for this kind of research, given its researchers’ openness to collaboration across diverse fields. I am impressed by the department’s innovative interdisciplinary projects that focus on the shifting landscape of media and technology, and I hope that my own work can follow a similarly trailblazing approach. More specifically, I want to develop my understanding of the intersection of psychology and media studies, and explore how media psychology theories and methods might be applied to neurodivergent minds. I am interested not only in media psychology but also in psychological disorders, and how the two interact. This is something I touched on during my undergraduate studies and that I’m excited to delve into further.

Strategy 4: Discuss your professional ambitions

Especially if you’re applying for a more professionally-oriented program (such as an MBA), it’s a good idea to focus on concrete goals and how the program will help you achieve them.

  • If your career is just getting started, show how your character is suited to the field, and explain how graduate school will help you develop your talents.
  • If you have already worked in the profession, show what you’ve achieved so far, and explain how the program will allow you to take the next step.
  • If you are planning a career change, explain what has driven this decision and how your existing experience will help you succeed.

Don’t just state the position you want to achieve. You should demonstrate that you’ve put plenty of thought into your career plans and show why you’re well-suited to this profession.

One thing that fascinated me about the field during my undergraduate studies was the sheer number of different elements whose interactions constitute a person’s experience of an urban environment. Any number of factors could transform the scene I described at the beginning: What if there were no bus route? Better community outreach in the neighborhood? Worse law enforcement? More or fewer jobs available in the area? Some of these factors are out of the hands of an urban planner, but without taking them all into consideration, the planner has an incomplete picture of their task. Through further study I hope to develop my understanding of how these disparate elements combine and interact to create the urban environment. I am interested in the social, psychological and political effects our surroundings have on our lives. My studies will allow me to work on projects directly affecting the kinds of working-class urban communities I know well. I believe I can bring my own experiences, as well as my education, to bear upon the problem of improving infrastructure and quality of life in these communities.

Tips for the main body

  • Don’t rehash your resume by trying to summarize everything you’ve done so far; the personal statement isn’t about listing your academic or professional experience, but about reflecting, evaluating, and relating it to broader themes.
  • Do make your statements into stories: Instead of saying you’re hard-working and self-motivated, write about your internship where you took the initiative to start a new project. Instead of saying you’ve always loved reading, reflect on a novel or poem that changed your perspective.

Your conclusion should bring the focus back to the program and what you hope to get out of it, whether that’s developing practical skills, exploring intellectual questions, or both.

Emphasize the fit with your specific interests, showing why this program would be the best way to achieve your aims.

Strategy 1: What do you want to know?

If you’re applying for a more academic or research-focused program, end on a note of curiosity: what do you hope to learn, and why do you think this is the best place to learn it?

If there are specific classes or faculty members that you’re excited to learn from, this is the place to express your enthusiasm.

Strategy 2: What do you want to do?

If you’re applying for a program that focuses more on professional training, your conclusion can look to your career aspirations: what role do you want to play in society, and why is this program the best choice to help you get there?

Tips for the conclusion

  • Don’t summarize what you’ve already said. You have limited space in a personal statement, so use it wisely!
  • Do think bigger than yourself: try to express how your individual aspirations relate to your local community, your academic field, or society more broadly. It’s not just about what you’ll get out of graduate school, but about what you’ll be able to give back.

You’ll be expected to do a lot of writing in graduate school, so make a good first impression: leave yourself plenty of time to revise and polish the text.

Your style doesn’t have to be as formal as other kinds of academic writing, but it should be clear, direct and coherent. Make sure that each paragraph flows smoothly from the last, using topic sentences and transitions to create clear connections between each part.

Don’t be afraid to rewrite and restructure as much as necessary. Since you have a lot of freedom in the structure of a personal statement, you can experiment and move information around to see what works best.

Finally, it’s essential to carefully proofread your personal statement and fix any language errors. Before you submit your application, consider investing in professional personal statement editing . For $150, you have the peace of mind that your personal statement is grammatically correct, strong in term of your arguments, and free of awkward mistakes.

A statement of purpose is usually more formal, focusing on your academic or professional goals. It shouldn’t include anything that isn’t directly relevant to the application.

A personal statement can often be more creative. It might tell a story that isn’t directly related to the application, but that shows something about your personality, values, and motivations.

However, both types of document have the same overall goal: to demonstrate your potential as a graduate student and s how why you’re a great match for the program.

The typical length of a personal statement for graduate school applications is between 500 and 1,000 words.

Different programs have different requirements, so always check if there’s a minimum or maximum length and stick to the guidelines. If there is no recommended word count, aim for no more than 1-2 pages.

If you’re applying to multiple graduate school programs, you should tailor your personal statement to each application.

Some applications provide a prompt or question. In this case, you might have to write a new personal statement from scratch: the most important task is to respond to what you have been asked.

If there’s no prompt or guidelines, you can re-use the same idea for your personal statement – but change the details wherever relevant, making sure to emphasize why you’re applying to this specific program.

If the application also includes other essays, such as a statement of purpose , you might have to revise your personal statement to avoid repeating the same information.

If you want to know more about college essays , academic writing , and AI tools , make sure to check out some of our other language articles with explanations, examples, and quizzes.

College essays

  • College essay examples
  • College essay format
  • College essay style
  • College essay length
  • Diversity essays
  • Scholarship essays

Academic writing

  • Writing process
  • Avoiding repetition
  • Literature review
  • Conceptual framework
  • Dissertation outline
  • Thesis acknowledgements
  • Burned or burnt
  • Canceled or cancelled
  • Dreamt or dreamed
  • Gray or grey
  • Theater vs theatre

Cite this Scribbr article

If you want to cite this source, you can copy and paste the citation or click the “Cite this Scribbr article” button to automatically add the citation to our free Citation Generator.

McCombes, S. (2023, July 03). How to Write Your Personal Statement | Strategies & Examples. Scribbr. Retrieved March 25, 2024, from https://www.scribbr.com/graduate-school/personal-statement/

Is this article helpful?

Shona McCombes

Shona McCombes

Other students also liked, how to write a graduate school resume | template & example, how (and who) to ask for a letter of recommendation, master's vs phd | a complete guide to the differences, unlimited academic ai-proofreading.

✔ Document error-free in 5minutes ✔ Unlimited document corrections ✔ Specialized in correcting academic texts

We value your privacy

We use cookies to allow this site to work for you, improve your user experience, and to serve you advertising tailored to your interests. Let us know if you agree to all cookies. You can manage your preferences at any time

Your Privacy

We use cookies, which are small text files placed on your computer, to allow the site to work for you, improve your user experience, to provide us with information about how our site is used, and to deliver personalised ads which help fund our work and deliver our service to you for free.

The information does not usually directly identify you, but it can give you a more personalised web experience.

You can accept all, or else manage cookies individually. However, blocking some types of cookies may affect your experience of the site and the services we are able to offer.

You can change your cookies preference at any time by visiting our Cookies Notice page. Please remember to clear your browsing data and cookies when you change your cookies preferences. This will remove all cookies previously placed on your browser.

For more detailed information about the cookies we use, or how to clear your browser cookies data see our Cookies Notice

Manage consent preferences

These cookies are necessary for the website to function and cannot be switched off in our systems.

They are essential for you to browse the website and use its features.

You can set your browser to block or alert you about these cookies, but some parts of the site will not then work. We can’t identify you from these cookies.

These help us personalise our sites for you by remembering your preferences and settings. They may be set by us or by third party providers, whose services we have added to our pages. If you do not allow these cookies, then these services may not function properly.

These cookies allow us to count visits and see where our traffic comes from, so we can measure and improve the performance of our site. They help us to know which pages are popular and see how visitors move around the site. The cookies cannot directly identify any individual users.

If you do not allow these cookies we will not know when you have visited our site and will not be able to improve its performance for you.

These cookies may be set through our site by social media services or our advertising partners. Social media cookies enable you to share our content with your friends and networks. They can track your browser across other sites and build up a profile of your interests. If you do not allow these cookies you may not be able to see or use the content sharing tools.

Advertising cookies may be used to build a profile of your interests and show you relevant adverts on other sites. They do not store directly personal information, but work by uniquely identifying your browser and internet device. If you do not allow these cookies, you will still see ads, but they won’t be tailored to your interests.

The shortcut to your shortlist

Make your university search faster and less stressful. Get a personalised shortlist by selecting what matters to you.

  • CHOOSE ONE OR MORE

Popular universities

  • University of Kent
  • University of East Anglia UEA
  • University of Chester
  • Coventry University
  • University of Aberdeen
  • University of Portmouth
  • Nottingham Trent University
  • University of Sunderland
  • London Metropolitan University
  • London South Bank University
  • University of East London
  • BROWSE ALL UNIVERSITIES

Course search

Popular undergraduate courses.

  • Computer Science
  • LLB Bachelor of Laws
  • Biomedical Sciences
  • Physiotherapy
  • Sports Science

Open days search

Upcoming open days.

  • University of Essex
  • BIMM University
  • University of Wales Trinity Saint David
  • Arts University Bournemouth
  • SRUC Scotland's Rural College

Article search

Popular articles.

  • What is UCAS Extra?
  • Replying to offers
  • What's a university open day
  • Student finance and funding
  • Types of degree in the UK
  • BROWSE ALL ARTICLES

Popular topics

  • Choosing what to study
  • Choosing where to study
  • Applying to university
  • League tables
  • Student life - after you start

Tips for writing your personal statement

How to write a personal statement it's difficult to know where to begin. get hints and tips on structure, content and what not to write from a university expert..

Author image

  • An insider's view
  • What admissions tutors look for

Structuring and preparing your personal statement

What to write in a personal statement, examples to avoid, an insider’s view .

Personal statements may seem formulaic, but they can be critical to the decision-making process, and admissions tutors do read them.

If you’re applying for a high-demand course, your personal statement could be the deciding factor on whether or not you get an interview.

The Director of Marketing and Student Recruitment at the University of Gloucestershire , James Seymour, shares some top tips on how to write a personal statement.

What makes a good personal statement?

This is your chance to demonstrate your enthusiasm and commitment and show us what value you can add to a university. In the vast majority of cases, universities are finding ways to make you an offer, not reject you – the personal statement is your chance to make this decision easier for them!

First, you need to explain why you want a place on a course. Take a look at James’ tips on what you should include:

  • Explain the reason for your choice and how it fits in with your aspirations for the future
  • Give examples of any related academic or work experience
  • Show you know what the course will involve and mention any special subjects you’re interested in
  • Demonstrate who you are by listing any positions you’ve held, memberships of teams or societies, and interests and hobbies
  • Show consistency in your five UCAS choices. It may be difficult for an admissions tutor to take you seriously if your other choices, and references to them, are totally different. If your choices are different, you should explain this in your statement. The UCAS form is blind. Admissions tutors don’t know the other universities you’ve applied to, or your priorities, but you should still be consistent
  • Keep it clear and concise – UCAS admissions are increasingly paperless – so most admissions tutors/officers will read your statement onscreen
Explain what you can bring to a course and try not to just list experiences, but describe how they have given you skills that will help you at university.

Don’t just say: I am a member of the college chess club. I also play the clarinet in the orchestra.

When you could say: I have developed my problem-solving skills through playing chess for the college; this requires concentration and analytical thought. I am used to working as part of a team as I play clarinet in the college orchestra and cooperate with others to achieve a finished production.

  • Applying to university and UCAS deadlines
  • Applying and studying in the UK
  • University interviews

What will admissions tutors look for in your personal statement?

To decide if you’re the right fit, universities and colleges are interested in how you express your academic record and potential. This should be backed up by your reference.

Those working in admissions look for evidence of:

  • Motivation and commitment
  • Leadership, teamwork and communication
  • Research into your chosen subject
  • Any relevant key skills

Admissions tutors aren't seeking Nobel laureates. They’re looking for enthusiasm for the course being applied for, and self-reflection into why you’d be suitable to study it. What value could you add to the course? Where would you like to go once you graduate?

Ben, the Admissions Manager for Law at the University of Birmingham , shared with us what he expects applicants to tell him in their personal statement:

The personal statement is not only an excellent opportunity to showcase applicants individual skills, knowledge, and achievements, but it also provides us with an insight into the type of student they aspire to be and how they could fit into the academic community. Ben Atkins, Law Admissions Manager at University of Birmingham

Real-life example: the good

Good personal statement

Real-life example: the not-so-good

Not so good personal statement

  • How to make your personal statement stand out

You could have excellent experiences, but if they’re arranged in a poorly-written statement then the impact will be reduced. So, it’s important to plan your statement well.

A well-written personal statement with a clearly planned and refined structure will not only make the information stand out, but it’ll demonstrate you have an aptitude for structuring written pieces of work – a crucial skill needed for many university courses.

You can use it for other things too, such as gap year applications, jobs, internships, apprenticeships and keep it on file for future applications.

There's no one ‘correct’ way to structure your personal statement. But it’s a good idea to include the following:

  • A clear introduction, explaining why you want to study the course
  • Around 75% can focus on your academic achievements, to prove how you’re qualified to study it
  • Around 25% can be about any extracurricular activity, to show what else makes you suitable
  • A clear conclusion
  • How to start a personal statement

Your personal statement is your chance to really show why you deserve a place on your chosen course. 

Remember to keep these in mind:

  • Be clear and concise – the more concentrated the points and facts, the more powerful
  • Use positive words such as achieved, developed, learned, discovered, enthusiasm, commitment, energy, fascination…
  • Avoid contrived or grandiose language. Instead use short, simple sentences in plain English
  • Insert a personal touch if possible, but be careful with humour and chatty approaches
  • Use evidence of your learning and growth (wherever possible) to support claims and statements
  • Plan the statement as you would an essay or letter of application for a job/scholarship
  • Consider dividing the statement into five or six paragraphs, with headings if appropriate
  • Spelling and grammar DO matter – draft and redraft as many times as you must and ask others to proofread and provide feedback
  • For 2022 – 23 applications, refer to the challenges you've faced during the pandemic in a positive way

Don’t 

  • Over-exaggerate
  • Come across as pretentious
  • Try to include your life history
  • Start with: "I’ve always wanted to be a..."
  • Use gimmicks or quotations, unless they're very relevant and you deal with them in a way that shows your qualities
  • Be tempted to buy or copy a personal statement – plagiarism software is now very sophisticated and if you're caught out you won’t get a place
  • Make excuses about not being able to undertake activities/gain experience – focus on what you were able to do positively, e.g. as a result of coronavirus

For further details, read our detailed guide on  what to include in a personal statement  and the best things to avoid.

Note that if you decide to reapply for university the following year, it's a good idea to consider making some changes to your personal statement. Mention why you took a year off and talk about what skills you've learnt. If you're applying for a completely different subject, you'll need to make more changes.

James gives us real-life examples of things to avoid:

I enjoy the theatre and used to go a couple of times a year. (Drama)
I am a keen reader and am committed to the study of human behaviour through TV soaps!
I have led a full life over the last 18 years and it is a tradition I intend to continue.
I describe myself in the following two words: 'TO ODIN!' the ancient Viking war cry. (Law)
My favourite hobby is bee-keeping and I want to be an engineer.
My interest in Medicine stems from my enjoyment of Casualty and other related TV series.
I have always had a passion to study Medicine, failing that, Pharmacy. (A student putting Pharmacy as her fifth choice after four medical school choices – Pharmacy can be just as popular and high status as Medicine.)

Some final advice

Above all, remember that a personal statement is your opportunity to convince a university why it should offer you a place. So, make it compelling and there’s a much higher chance they will.

Related articles

Man hands typing on a laptop keyboard on a desk

What are university rankings?

University rankings, or league tables, rank universities overall and by a number of...

Edge Hill university campus

How to use the league tables

Use our university rankings to narrow down your choice of unis. Compare UK universities...

Group Of Students Using Computers In university library

Why use our university league tables?

Our university league tables, or rankings, provide you with information about each UK...

Is this page useful?

Sorry about that..., how can we improve it, thanks for your feedback.

what not to say in personal statement

What Not To Write In A Personal Statement: Expert Advice

what not to say in personal statement

Hopefully, you’re surrounded by people who can help you with exactly what to write about when you’re putting together your application, but sometimes you need to know what not to write in a personal statement , in order to make it as successful as possible.

So, what should you not write in your personal statement?

Do not write content in your personal statement that is factually inaccurate, grammatically incorrect, or that does not fully evidence your suitability.

Do not include exaggerated or overly academic vocabulary in an attempt to impress or write at length about your childhood or the work of others.

Sound like a lot of things you can’t include?

Don’t worry, I’ve broken the three main points down in detail below. Once you know what not to write in a personal statement, you’ll be able to write a compelling and successful application…

What Should you not put in a Personal Statement?

Before we break down these three key areas in a lot more detail, here’s a quick and helpful list of the top ten things you should not put in a personal statement:

  • Unresearched claims or inaccurate information
  • Lies, exaggeration or unoriginal content
  • Errors in spelling, punctuation or grammar
  • Irrelevant material or unnecessary filler
  • Hobbies and interests that do not add value
  • Stories from your childhood
  • Content that is not focused on your suitability
  • Commonly used vocabulary or quotes
  • Description rather than evaluation
  • Lists of any kind, especially qualifications

Check out my in-depth post on what to avoid in a personal statement here , or if you’ve already got started and want to check your statement for errors, this guide to how to check your personal statement is a great place to start .

If you’re ever in any doubt about what to include, just remember to check your ABC’s. If whatever you want to include fits the model, go for it…

what not to say in personal statement

Do Not Write About Your Childhood or Your Passions

When it comes to what not to write in a personal statement, your childhood and your passions come right at the top of the list.

It’s not that you can’t write about them at all, but you must make sure that if you do, you keep the reference brief and highly relevant.

Your Childhood is not Important to the Reader

Admissions tutors do not want to read about your childhood in a personal statement. They want to know about the person you are today, not the person you were a decade ago. It is also a signal that you do not have enough relevant material to include and that your application may lack real ambition.

Look at the examples below. The first is a paragraph from a personal statement that places much too much focus on the applicant’s childhood. The second example gets the balance right.

what not to say in personal statement

Although the second example doesn’t outline the countries the applicant visited, the depth of their connection with Modern Foreign Languages shines through, as does their knowledge and opinion.

what not to say in personal statement

You Can’t Be Passionate About Everything!

If there is one word that frustrates admissions officers more than any other, it is when applicants use the word ‘passionate’ in their personal statements…

  • “I am passionate about Engineering”
  • “My volunteering experience shows how passionate I am about Events Management”
  • “I am dedicated to my true passion, which is molecular Biology”

The basic dictionary definition of ‘passionate’ is “having very strong feelings or emotions”, and whilst you might well enjoy Archaeology, being passionate about it has become the shorthand of cliché . The problem is that when everybody uses the same word, it loses its meaning.

‘Passionate’ has moved from meaning ‘consumed by’ to signalling that the writer has a limited vocabulary and an unrealistic level of connection with their field of study.

Why not use these alternatives to ‘passionate’ in your personal statement:

Check out my post here and learn how to improve your personal statement , or think about using Grammarly to help your writing reach a greater level of accuracy and readability. You can check out the free version of Grammarly here or hit the banner.

what not to say in personal statement

Do Not Write Content if you Can’t Evidence Value

Ironically, making unqualified statements in a personal statement just doesn’t work. Every point you make must be targeted to add value to your application.

If you can’t evidence the value of an experience, qualification, skill or piece of knowledge, you should not be including it.

Without evidence to develop the context of the comment and, subsequently, the understanding of the reader, a descriptive statement will just take up space in your application and have a negative impact overall.

Here’s a three-point example. The first sentence does not include any evidence to develop the point made by the writer. The second attempts to analyse why the experience was of value, whilst the last point evidences the value with context.

Check your personal statement for moments that resemble the first point, and change these to more closely match the last example where possible.

  • I enjoy sports and am the captain of the basketball team at school.
  • My engagement with sports has helped me develop my teamwork skills. As captain of the basketball team, I have to motivate and support my teammates when we play.
  • As captain of the school basketball team, I am an accomplished team player. The experience has developed my communication and active listening skills, and I am used to taking responsibility for making decisions under pressure. Additionally, I have become adept at balancing my academic work with my sports commitments in order to meet deadlines, preparing me well for the demands of higher education.

Check out the skills you should include in a personal statement here , or read my post about outstanding personal statement examples to get even more inspiration!

Do Not Write About the Achievements of Others

Your personal statement should be all about you.

It isn’t an opportunity to reference as many other people as possible in an attempt to appear well-read or educated.

Writing about the achievements of others can be valuable if you take a sentence to convey their contribution and use the rest of the paragraph to give your informed thoughts and show how that piece of knowledge is of value to your application.

However, writing the equivalent of an academic essay instead of a personal statement might show that you have read a book or understood a topic, but it does not illustrate your opinions, ambitions, suitability or value to the reader.

Have a look at this example…

what not to say in personal statement

On the surface, it looks compelling – three different sources and a sense of argument. But what does this example actually tell you about the writer?

What are their thoughts on the topic?

How has the knowledge gained propelled them to act?

How will their experiences inform their next step in terms of study or make them a suitable candidate for the course they are applying for?

If you don’t make the connections, you can’t expect the reader to, so always prioritise writing about yourself but from an informed and relevant perspective.

If you’d like to, you can check out my post on even more powerful personal statement strategies here .

what not to say in personal statement

Good luck with your personal statement, and don’t forget to contact me if you’d like some 1-1 support. You’ve got this! D

Research and content verified by Personal Statement Planet.

David Hallen

I've worked in the Further Education and University Admissions sector for nearly 20 years as a teacher, department head, Head of Sixth Form, UCAS Admissions Advisor, UK Centre Lead and freelance personal statement advisor, editor and writer. And now I'm here for you...

Recent Posts

Postgraduate Personal Statement Example: Environmental Policy

Studying examples of personal statements can be a valuable strategy when applying to a university or college.  That’s because personal statement examples can teach you how to write and...

Postgraduate Personal Statement Example: Technology Entrepreneurship & Innovation

Examples of personal statements can be valuable to reference when applying to a university or college course.  That’s because personal statement examples can teach you how to write and...

Purdue Online Writing Lab Purdue OWL® College of Liberal Arts

Writing the Personal Statement

OWL logo

Welcome to the Purdue OWL

This page is brought to you by the OWL at Purdue University. When printing this page, you must include the entire legal notice.

Copyright ©1995-2018 by The Writing Lab & The OWL at Purdue and Purdue University. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, reproduced, broadcast, rewritten, or redistributed without permission. Use of this site constitutes acceptance of our terms and conditions of fair use.

This handout provides information about writing personal statements for academic and other positions.

The personal statement, your opportunity to sell yourself in the application process, generally falls into one of two categories:

1. The general, comprehensive personal statement:

This allows you maximum freedom in terms of what you write and is the type of statement often prepared for standard medical or law school application forms.

2. The response to very specific questions:

Often, business and graduate school applications ask specific questions, and your statement should respond specifically to the question being asked. Some business school applications favor multiple essays, typically asking for responses to three or more questions.

Questions to ask yourself before you write:

  • What's special, unique, distinctive, and/or impressive about you or your life story?
  • What details of your life (personal or family problems, history, people or events that have shaped you or influenced your goals) might help the committee better understand you or help set you apart from other applicants?
  • When did you become interested in this field and what have you learned about it (and about yourself) that has further stimulated your interest and reinforced your conviction that you are well suited to this field? What insights have you gained?
  • How have you learned about this field—through classes, readings, seminars, work or other experiences, or conversations with people already in the field?
  • If you have worked a lot during your college years, what have you learned (leadership or managerial skills, for example), and how has that work contributed to your growth?
  • What are your career goals?
  • Are there any gaps or discrepancies in your academic record that you should explain (great grades but mediocre LSAT or GRE scores, for example, or a distinct upward pattern to your GPA if it was only average in the beginning)?
  • Have you had to overcome any unusual obstacles or hardships (for example, economic, familial, or physical) in your life?
  • What personal characteristics (for example, integrity, compassion, and/or persistence) do you possess that would improve your prospects for success in the field or profession? Is there a way to demonstrate or document that you have these characteristics?
  • What skills (for example, leadership, communicative, analytical) do you possess?
  • Why might you be a stronger candidate for graduate school—and more successful and effective in the profession or field than other applicants?
  • What are the most compelling reasons you can give for the admissions committee to be interested in you?

General advice

Answer the questions that are asked

  • If you are applying to several schools, you may find questions in each application that are somewhat similar.
  • Don't be tempted to use the same statement for all applications. It is important to answer each question being asked, and if slightly different answers are needed, you should write separate statements. In every case, be sure your answer fits the question being asked.

Tell a story

  • Think in terms of showing or demonstrating through concrete experience. One of the worst things you can do is to bore the admissions committee. If your statement is fresh, lively, and different, you'll be putting yourself ahead of the pack. If you distinguish yourself through your story, you will make yourself memorable.

Be specific

  • Don't, for example, state that you would make an excellent doctor unless you can back it up with specific reasons. Your desire to become a lawyer, engineer, or whatever should be logical, the result of specific experience that is described in your statement. Your application should emerge as the logical conclusion to your story.

Find an angle

  • If you're like most people, your life story lacks drama, so figuring out a way to make it interesting becomes the big challenge. Finding an angle or a "hook" is vital.

Concentrate on your opening paragraph

  • The lead or opening paragraph is generally the most important. It is here that you grab the reader's attention or lose it. This paragraph becomes the framework for the rest of the statement.

Tell what you know

  • The middle section of your essay might detail your interest and experience in your particular field, as well as some of your knowledge of the field. Too many people graduate with little or no knowledge of the nuts and bolts of the profession or field they hope to enter. Be as specific as you can in relating what you know about the field and use the language professionals use in conveying this information. Refer to experiences (work, research, etc.), classes, conversations with people in the field, books you've read, seminars you've attended, or any other source of specific information about the career you want and why you're suited to it. Since you will have to select what you include in your statement, the choices you make are often an indication of your judgment.

Don't include some subjects

  • There are certain things best left out of personal statements. For example, references to experiences or accomplishments in high school or earlier are generally not a good idea. Don't mention potentially controversial subjects (for example, controversial religious or political issues).

Do some research, if needed

  • If a school wants to know why you're applying to it rather than another school, do some research to find out what sets your choice apart from other universities or programs. If the school setting would provide an important geographical or cultural change for you, this might be a factor to mention.

Write well and correctly

  • Be meticulous. Type and proofread your essay very carefully. Many admissions officers say that good written skills and command of correct use of language are important to them as they read these statements. Express yourself clearly and concisely. Adhere to stated word limits.

Avoid clichés

  • A medical school applicant who writes that he is good at science and wants to help other people is not exactly expressing an original thought. Stay away from often-repeated or tired statements.

For more information on writing a personal statement, see the personal statement vidcast .

PrepScholar

Choose Your Test

Sat / act prep online guides and tips, what is a personal statement everything you need to know about the college essay.

College Admissions , College Essays

feature_writing-5

In addition to standardized test scores and transcripts, a personal statement or essay is a required part of many college applications. The personal statement can be one of the most stressful parts of the application process because it's the most open ended.

In this guide, I'll answer the question, "What is a personal statement?" I'll talk through common college essay topics and what makes for an effective personal statement.

College Essay Glossary

Even the terminology can be confusing if you aren't familiar with it, so let's start by defining some terms:

Personal statement —an essay you write to show a college admissions committee who you are and why you deserve to be admitted to their school. It's worth noting that, unlike "college essay," this term is used for application essays for graduate school as well.

College essay —basically the same as a personal statement (I'll be using the terms interchangeably).

Essay prompt —a question or statement that your college essay is meant to respond to.

Supplemental essay —an extra school or program-specific essay beyond the basic personal statement.

Many colleges ask for only one essay. However, some schools do ask you to respond to multiple prompts or to provide supplemental essays in addition to a primary personal statement.

Either way, don't let it stress you out! This guide will cover everything you need to know about the different types of college essays and get you started thinking about how to write a great one:

  • Why colleges ask for an essay
  • What kinds of essay questions you'll see
  • What sets great essays apart
  • Tips for writing your own essay

Why Do Colleges Ask For an Essay?

There are a couple of reasons that colleges ask applicants to submit an essay, but the basic idea is that it gives them more information about you, especially who you are beyond grades and test scores.

#1: Insight Into Your Personality

The most important role of the essay is to give admissions committees a sense of your personality and what kind of addition you'd be to their school's community . Are you inquisitive? Ambitious? Caring? These kinds of qualities will have a profound impact on your college experience, but they're hard to determine based on a high school transcript.

Basically, the essay contextualizes your application and shows what kind of person you are outside of your grades and test scores . Imagine two students, Jane and Tim: they both have 3.5 GPAs and 1200s on the SAT. Jane lives in Colorado and is the captain of her track team; Tim lives in Vermont and regularly contributes to the school paper. They both want to be doctors, and they both volunteer at the local hospital.

As similar as Jane and Tim seem on paper, in reality, they're actually quite different, and their unique perspectives come through in their essays. Jane writes about how looking into her family history for a school project made her realize how the discovery of modern medical treatments like antibiotics and vaccines had changed the world and drove her to pursue a career as a medical researcher. Tim, meanwhile, recounts a story about how a kind doctor helped him overcome his fear of needles, an interaction that reminded him of the value of empathy and inspired him to become a family practitioner. These two students may seem outwardly similar but their motivations and personalities are very different.

Without an essay, your application is essentially a series of numbers: a GPA, SAT scores, the number of hours spent preparing for quiz bowl competitions. The personal statement is your chance to stand out as an individual.

#2: Evidence of Writing Skills

A secondary purpose of the essay is to serve as a writing sample and help colleges see that you have the skills needed to succeed in college classes. The personal statement is your best chance to show off your writing , so take the time to craft a piece you're really proud of.

That said, don't panic if you aren't a strong writer. Admissions officers aren't expecting you to write like Joan Didion; they just want to see that you can express your ideas clearly.

No matter what, your essay should absolutely not include any errors or typos .

#3: Explanation of Extenuating Circumstances

For some students, the essay is also a chance to explain factors affecting their high school record. Did your grades drop sophomore year because you were dealing with a family emergency? Did you miss out on extracurriculars junior year because of an extended medical absence? Colleges want to know if you struggled with a serious issue that affected your high school record , so make sure to indicate any relevant circumstances on your application.

Keep in mind that in some cases there will be a separate section for you to address these types of issues, as well as any black marks on your record like expulsions or criminal charges.

#4: Your Reasons for Applying to the School

Many colleges ask you to write an essay or paragraph about why you're applying to their school specifically . In asking these questions, admissions officers are trying to determine if you're genuinely excited about the school and whether you're likely to attend if accepted .

I'll talk more about this type of essay below.

what not to say in personal statement

Want to write the perfect college application essay? Get professional help from PrepScholar.

Your dedicated PrepScholar Admissions counselor will craft your perfect college essay, from the ground up. We'll learn your background and interests, brainstorm essay topics, and walk you through the essay drafting process, step-by-step. At the end, you'll have a unique essay that you'll proudly submit to your top choice colleges.

Don't leave your college application to chance. Find out more about PrepScholar Admissions now :

Craft Your Perfect College Essay

What Kind of Questions Do Colleges Ask?

Thankfully, applications don't simply say, "Please include an essay about yourself"; they include a question or prompt that you're asked to respond to . These prompts are generally pretty open-ended and can be approached in a lot of different ways .

Nonetheless, most questions fall into a few main categories. Let's go through each common type of prompt, with examples from the Common Application, the University of California application, and a few individual schools.

Prompt Type 1: Your Personal History

This sort of question asks you to write about a formative experience, important event, or key relationship from your life . Admissions officers want to understand what is important to you and how your background has shaped you as a person.

These questions are both common and tricky. The most common pit students fall into is trying to tell their entire life stories. It's better to focus in on a very specific point in time and explain why it was meaningful to you.

Common App 1

Some students have a background, identity, interest, or talent that is so meaningful they believe their application would be incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share your story.

Common App 5

Discuss an accomplishment, event, or realization that sparked a period of personal growth and a new understanding of yourself or others.

University of California 2

Every person has a creative side, and it can be expressed in many ways: problem solving, original and innovative thinking, and artistically, to name a few. Describe how you express your creative side.

University of California 6

Think about an academic subject that inspires you. Describe how you have furthered this interest inside and/or outside of the classroom.

Prompt Type 2: Facing a Problem

A lot of prompts deal with how you solve problems, how you cope with failure, and how you respond to conflict. College can be difficult, both personally and academically, and admissions committees want to see that you're equipped to face those challenges .

The key to these types of questions is to identify a real problem, failure, or conflict ( not a success in disguise) and show how you adapted and grew from addressing the issue.

Common App 2

The lessons we take from obstacles we encounter can be fundamental to later success. Recount a time when you faced a challenge, setback, or failure. How did it affect you, and what did you learn from the experience?

Harvard University 7

The Harvard College Honor Code declares that we “hold honesty as the foundation of our community.” As you consider entering this community that is committed to honesty, please reflect on a time when you or someone you observed had to make a choice about whether to act with integrity and honesty.

Prompt Type 3: Diversity

Most colleges are pretty diverse, with students from a wide range of backgrounds. Essay questions about diversity are designed to help admissions committees understand how you interact with people who are different from you .

In addressing these prompts, you want to show that you're capable of engaging with new ideas and relating to people who may have different beliefs than you.

Common App 3

Reflect on a time when you questioned or challenged a belief or idea. What prompted your thinking? What was the outcome?

Johns Hopkins University

Tell us about an aspect of your identity (e.g., race, gender, sexuality, religion, community) or a life experience that has shaped you as an individual and how that influenced what you’d like to pursue in college at Hopkins.  This can be a future goal or experience that is either [sic] academic, extracurricular, or social.

Duke University Optional 1

We believe a wide range of personal perspectives, beliefs, and lived experiences are essential to making Duke a vibrant and meaningful living and learning community. Feel free to share with us anything in this context that might help us better understand you and what you might bring to our community. 

body_oddpencilout

Prompt Type 4: Your Future Goals

This type of prompt asks about what you want to do in the future: sometimes simply what you'd like to study, sometimes longer-term career goals. Colleges want to understand what you're interested in and how you plan to work towards your goals.

You'll mostly see these prompts if you're applying for a specialized program (like pre-med or engineering) or applying as a transfer student. Some schools also ask for supplementary essays along these lines. 

University of Southern California (Architecture)

Princeton Supplement 1

Prompt Type 5: Why This School

The most common style of supplemental essay is the "why us?" essay, although a few schools with their own application use this type of question as their main prompt. In these essays, you're meant to address the specific reasons you want to go to the school you're applying to .

Whatever you do, don't ever recycle these essays for more than one school.

Chapman University

There are thousands of universities and colleges. Why are you interested in attending Chapman?

Columbia University

Why are you interested in attending Columbia University? We encourage you to consider the aspect(s) that you find unique and compelling about Columbia.

Rice University

Based upon your exploration of Rice University, what elements of the Rice experience appeal to you?

Princeton University

Princeton has a longstanding commitment to understanding our responsibility to society through service and civic engagement. How does your own story intersect with these ideals?

Prompt Type 6: Creative Prompts

More selective schools often have supplemental essays with stranger or more unique questions. University of Chicago is notorious for its weird prompts, but it's not the only school that will ask you to think outside the box in addressing its questions.

University of Chicago

“Vlog,” “Labradoodle,” and “Fauxmage.” Language is filled with portmanteaus. Create a new portmanteau and explain why those two things are a “patch” (perfect match).

University of Vermont

Established in Burlington, VT, Ben & Jerry’s is synonymous with both ice cream and social change. The “Save Our Swirled” flavor raises awareness of climate change, and “I Dough, I Dough” celebrates marriage equality. If you worked alongside Ben & Jerry, what charitable flavor would you develop and why?

body_uchicago

What Makes a Strong Personal Statement?

OK , so you're clear on what a college essay is, but you're still not sure how to write a good one . To help you get started, I'm going to explain the main things admissions officers look for in students' essays: an engaging perspective, genuine moments, and lively writing .

I've touched on these ideas already, but here, I'll go into more depth about how the best essays stand out from the pack.

Showing Who You Are

A lot of students panic about finding a unique topic, and certainly writing about something unusual like a successful dating app you developed with your friends or your time working as a mall Santa can't hurt you. But what's really important isn't so much what you write about as how you write about it . You need to use your subject to show something deeper about yourself.

Look at the prompts above: you'll notice that they almost all ask you what you learned or how the experience affected you. Whatever topic you pick, you must be able to specifically address how or why it matters to you .

Say a student, Will, was writing about the mall Santa in response to Common App prompt number 2 (the one about failure): Will was a terrible mall Santa. He was way too skinny to be convincing and the kids would always step on his feet. He could easily write 600 very entertaining words describing this experience, but they wouldn't necessarily add up to an effective college essay.

To do that, he'll need to talk about his motivations and his feelings: why he took such a job in the first place and what he did (and didn't) get out of it. Maybe Will took the job because he needed to make some money to go on a school trip and it was the only one he could find. Despite his lack of enthusiasm for screaming children, he kept doing it because he knew if he persevered through the whole holiday season he would have enough money for his trip. Would you rather read "I failed at being a mall Santa" or "Failing as a mall Santa taught me how to persevere no matter what"? Admissions officers definitely prefer the latter.

Ultimately, the best topics are ones that allow you to explain something surprising about yourself .

Since the main point of the essay is to give schools a sense of who you are, you have to open up enough to let them see your personality . Writing a good college essay means being honest about your feelings and experiences even when they aren't entirely positive.

In this context, honesty doesn't mean going on at length about the time you broke into the local pool at night and nearly got arrested, but it does mean acknowledging when something was difficult or upsetting for you. Think about the mall Santa example above. The essay won't work unless the writer genuinely acknowledges that he was a bad Santa and explains why.

what not to say in personal statement

Want to build the best possible college application?

We can help. PrepScholar Admissions is the world's best admissions consulting service. We combine world-class admissions counselors with our data-driven, proprietary admissions strategies . We've overseen thousands of students get into their top choice schools , from state colleges to the Ivy League.

We know what kinds of students colleges want to admit. We want to get you admitted to your dream schools .

Learn more about PrepScholar Admissions to maximize your chance of getting in.

Get Into Your Top Choice School

Eloquent Writing

As I mentioned above, colleges want to know that you are a strong enough writer to survive in college classes . Can you express your ideas clearly and concisely? Can you employ specific details appropriately and avoid clichés and generalizations? These kinds of skills will serve you well in college (and in life!).

Nonetheless, admissions officers recognize that different students have different strengths. They aren't looking for a poetic magnum opus from someone who wants to be a math major. (Honestly, they aren't expecting a masterwork from anyone , but the basic point stands.) Focus on making sure that your thoughts and personality come through, and don't worry about using fancy vocabulary or complex rhetorical devices.

Above all, make sure that you have zero grammar or spelling errors . Typos indicate carelessness, which will hurt your cause with admissions officers.

Top Five Essay-Writing Tips

Now that you have a sense of what colleges are looking for, let's talk about how you can put this new knowledge into practice as you approach your own essay. Below, I've collected my five best tips from years as a college essay counselor.

#1: Start Early!

No matter how much you want to avoid writing your essay, don't leave it until the last minute . One of the most important parts of the essay writing process is editing, and editing takes a lot of time. You want to be able to put your draft in a drawer for a week and come back to it with fresh eyes. You don't want to be stuck with an essay you don't really like because you have to submit your application tomorrow.

You need plenty of time to experiment and rewrite, so I would recommend starting your essays at least two months before the application deadline . For most students, that means starting around Halloween, but if you're applying early, you'll need to get going closer to Labor Day.

Of course, it's even better to get a head start and begin your planning earlier. Many students like to work on their essays over the summer, when they have more free time, but you should keep in mind that each year's application isn't usually released until August or September. Essay questions often stay the same from year to year, however. If you are looking to get a jump on writing, you can try to confirm with the school (or the Common App) whether the essay questions will be the same as the previous year's.

#2: Pick a Topic You're Genuinely Excited About

One of the biggest mistakes students make is trying to write what they think the committee wants to hear. The truth is that there's no "right answer" when it comes to college essays . T he best topics aren't limited to specific categories like volunteer experiences or winning a tournament. Instead, they're topics that actually matter to the writer .

"OK," you're thinking, "but what does she mean by 'a topic that matters to you'? Because to be perfectly honest, right now, what really matters to me is that fall TV starts up this week, and I have a feeling I shouldn't write about that."

You're not wrong (although some great essays have been written about television ). A great topic isn't just something that you're excited about or that you talk to your friends about; it's something that has had a real, describable effect on your perspective .

This doesn't mean that you should overemphasize how something absolutely changed your life , especially if it really didn't. Instead, try to be as specific and honest as you can about how the experience affected you, what it taught you, or what you got out of it.

Let's go back to the TV idea. Sure, writing an essay about how excited you are for the new season of Stranger Things  probably isn't the quickest way to get yourself into college, but you could write a solid essay (in response to the first type of prompt) about how SpongeBob SquarePants was an integral part of your childhood. However, it's not enough to just explain how much you loved SpongeBob—you must also explain why and how watching the show every day after school affected your life. For example, maybe it was a ritual you shared with your brother, which showed you how even seemingly silly pieces of pop culture can bring people together. Dig beneath the surface to show who you are and how you see the world.

When you write about something you don't really care about, your writing will come out clichéd and uninteresting, and you'll likely struggle to motivate yourself. When you instead write about something that is genuinely important to you, you can make even the most ordinary experiences—learning to swim, eating a meal, or watching TV—engaging .

body_spongebob

#3: Focus on Specifics

But how do you write an interesting essay? Focus.

Don't try to tell your entire life story or even the story of an entire weekend; 500–650 words may seem like a lot, but you'll reach that limit quickly if you try to pack every single thing that has happened to you into your essay. If, however, you just touch on a wide range of topics, you'll end up with an essay that reads more like a résumé.

Instead, narrow in on one specific event or idea, and talk about it in more depth . The narrower your topic, the better. For example, writing about your role as Mercutio in your school's production of Romeo and Juliet is too general, but writing about opening night, when everything went wrong, could be a great topic.

Whatever your topic, use details to help draw the reader in and express your unique perspective. But keep in mind that you don't have to include every detail of what you did or thought; stick to the important and illustrative ones.

#4: Use Your Own Voice

College essays aren't academic assignments; you don't need to be super formal. Instead, try to be yourself. The best writing sounds like a more eloquent version of the way you talk .

Focus on using clear, simple language that effectively explains a point or evokes a feeling. To do so, avoid the urge to use fancy-sounding synonyms when you don't really know what they mean. Contractions are fine; slang, generally, is not. Don't hesitate to write in the first person.

A final note: you don't need to be relentlessly positive. It's OK to acknowledge that sometimes things don't go how you want—just show how you grew from that.

#5: Be Ruthless

Many students want to call it a day after writing a first draft, but editing is a key part of writing a truly great essay. To be clear, editing doesn't mean just making a few minor wording tweaks and cleaning up typos; it means reading your essay carefully and objectively and thinking about how you could improve it .

Ask yourself questions as you read: is the progression of the essay clear? Do you make a lot of vague, sweeping statements that could be replaced with more interesting specifics? Do your sentences flow together nicely? Do you show something about yourself beyond the surface level?

You will have to delete and rewrite (potentially large) parts of your essay, and no matter how attached you feel to something you wrote, you might have to let it go . If you've ever heard the phrase "kill your darlings," know that it is 100% applicable to college essay writing.

At some point, you might even need to rewrite the whole essay. Even though it's annoying, starting over is sometimes the best way to get an essay that you're really proud of.

body_aplus

What's Next?

Make sure to check out our other posts on college essays , including our step-by-step guide to how to write your college essay , our analysis of the Common App Prompts , and our collection of example essays .

If you're in need of guidance on other parts of the application process , take a look at our guides to choosing the right college for you , writing about extracurriculars , deciding to double major , and requesting teacher recommendations .

Last but not least, if you're planning on taking the SAT one last time , check out our ultimate guide to studying for the SAT and make sure you're as prepared as possible.

Want to improve your SAT score by 160 points or your ACT score by 4 points? We've written a guide for each test about the top 5 strategies you must be using to have a shot at improving your score. Download it for free now:

Get eBook: 5 Tips for 160+ Points

Alex is an experienced tutor and writer. Over the past five years, she has worked with almost a hundred students and written about pop culture for a wide range of publications. She graduated with honors from University of Chicago, receiving a BA in English and Anthropology, and then went on to earn an MA at NYU in Cultural Reporting and Criticism. In high school, she was a National Merit Scholar, took 12 AP tests and scored 99 percentile scores on the SAT and ACT.

Student and Parent Forum

Our new student and parent forum, at ExpertHub.PrepScholar.com , allow you to interact with your peers and the PrepScholar staff. See how other students and parents are navigating high school, college, and the college admissions process. Ask questions; get answers.

Join the Conversation

Ask a Question Below

Have any questions about this article or other topics? Ask below and we'll reply!

Improve With Our Famous Guides

  • For All Students

The 5 Strategies You Must Be Using to Improve 160+ SAT Points

How to Get a Perfect 1600, by a Perfect Scorer

Series: How to Get 800 on Each SAT Section:

Score 800 on SAT Math

Score 800 on SAT Reading

Score 800 on SAT Writing

Series: How to Get to 600 on Each SAT Section:

Score 600 on SAT Math

Score 600 on SAT Reading

Score 600 on SAT Writing

Free Complete Official SAT Practice Tests

What SAT Target Score Should You Be Aiming For?

15 Strategies to Improve Your SAT Essay

The 5 Strategies You Must Be Using to Improve 4+ ACT Points

How to Get a Perfect 36 ACT, by a Perfect Scorer

Series: How to Get 36 on Each ACT Section:

36 on ACT English

36 on ACT Math

36 on ACT Reading

36 on ACT Science

Series: How to Get to 24 on Each ACT Section:

24 on ACT English

24 on ACT Math

24 on ACT Reading

24 on ACT Science

What ACT target score should you be aiming for?

ACT Vocabulary You Must Know

ACT Writing: 15 Tips to Raise Your Essay Score

How to Get Into Harvard and the Ivy League

How to Get a Perfect 4.0 GPA

How to Write an Amazing College Essay

What Exactly Are Colleges Looking For?

Is the ACT easier than the SAT? A Comprehensive Guide

Should you retake your SAT or ACT?

When should you take the SAT or ACT?

Stay Informed

what not to say in personal statement

Get the latest articles and test prep tips!

Looking for Graduate School Test Prep?

Check out our top-rated graduate blogs here:

GRE Online Prep Blog

GMAT Online Prep Blog

TOEFL Online Prep Blog

Holly R. "I am absolutely overjoyed and cannot thank you enough for helping me!”

BridgeU Logo

Writing a Personal Statement for UCAS: The 10 Big Mistakes Students Should Avoid

what not to say in personal statement

Thea Pillay

  • Writing a UCAS Personal Statement for a subject that isn’t the right fit
  • Spelling & grammar mistakes
  • Avoid pointless cliches
  • Endlessly listing extracurriculars
  • Over-using quotes or taking them out of context
  • Telling the reader something they already know 
  • Ignoring word limits
  • Unnecessary origin stories
  • Making things up
  • Controversy

Join 10,000 fellow counsellors and get exclusive insights delivered straight to your inbox.

Writing a UCAS Personal Statement requires a student to convey a lot of information in a short space of time. Mistakes are easy to make. Read our run down of the most common ones and how to avoid them

Writing a Personal Statement for UCAS is, in many ways, like asking a student to tell the story of their life in 4,000 characters or less. 

And if that sounds hard, it’s because it is. 

The UCAS Personal Statement is the  cornerstone of a UK university application . Students need to write a genuine, authoritative and compelling account of who they are and what they want from a UK university degree. They need to quickly grab the attention of the university admissions officer reading their Personal Statement, and they need to make sure they stand out from the hundreds of other applications that will be crossing that admission officer’s desk. 

In order to do this, the Personal Statement will require a student to master form, structure and content in such a way that makes their writing stand out. 

Understandably, students might feel an inordinate amount of pressure to get their Personal Statement right first time. 

Indeed, more often than not, it’s not a case of students being lazy when writing their UCAS Personal Statements. The problem is often that students will have a lot to say and will have put a lot of thought into their Statement, but may make some simple stylistic mistakes that could cost them when they finally submit their application. 

But if these mistakes are easy to make, they’re also easy to avoid. 

So we’re going to take you through the 10 most common (and potentially costly) mistakes that a student might make in their UCAS Personal Statement, and give you some tips on how to help your students avoid them. 

Bonus Resource –  To help your students avoid any major mistakes before they begin, our Personal Statement worksheet helps them to plan and write a truly compelling account of themselves.  Click here to download

1. Writing a UCAS Personal Statement for a subject that isn’t the right fit 

If students have done their research carefully and considerately, then this shouldn’t be a problem. Ideally, in the year leading up to the submission of the Personal Statement, your students will have shortlisted their university and course preferences to the point where they’re applying for a subject area they’re truly passionate about. 

But this first, major mistake is the natural conclusion of a student being pressured into a subject or career path by family, parents or even school peers. Hopefully this won’t happen – but if a student is writing their UCAS Personal Statement for a subject they’re not truly passionate about, then this should set off alarm bells. It will ultimately affect the quality of the Personal Statement. 

And, most importantly, admissions staff will easily spot a Personal Statement where the student’s heart isn’t in it. 

Top tip:  We at BridgeU are big fans of students finding their best-fit universities and courses (after all, it’s why we built our platform!). Students need to put a lot of time into making sure the UK course they are applying for is right for them. Starting a Personal Statement without having thoroughly researched university and course options is one of the most fundamental mistakes a student could make. 

2. Spelling & Grammar Mistakes 

This may seem like a rather obvious mistake, and one your students hopefully shouldn’t be making. 

But the tight time frames associated with a UCAS Personal Statement will make spelling and grammar mistakes more likely, especially if your students aren’t taking the time to proof-read their personal statement before submitting it. 

Spelling and grammar mistakes can really count against students, and can make their writing appear sloppy or poorly thought through. It’s an especially bad look if your students are applying for humanities or social sciences courses, or indeed any degree that requires a lot of extended writing! 

Top tip:  Encourage your students to print out their Personal Statement. Whilst we know that a lot of students do more things digitally these days (and BridgeU is an online platform after all!), reading a UCAS Personal Statement back as a living, printed document can really help students hone their eye for detail! 

3. Avoid exuberant language and pointless cliches 

“My love of Physics began when I used to look up at the night sky as a child, and found it simultaneously breath-taking and awe-inspiring.” 

“I’ve been passionate about the works of William Shakespeare since seeing my first production on stage. I’m fascinated by how Shakespeare remains relevant for today.” 

Can you see what’s wrong with these two examples? 

Whilst they are very positive and well-worded statements about why a student might want to study astrophysics, or Shakespearian literature, both these Personal Statement examples tip very quickly into cliche and generalisation. 

We’re not suggesting you shouldn’t encourage your students to use positive language when writing a UCAS Personal Statement, but this positive language needs to be backed up with clear, specific examples and rigorous analysis. 

Remember – the key to an excellent Personal Statement is showing, not telling. 

So why is Shakespeare still relevant to today? What specific examples could a student writing about a 16th century author use to demonstrate their relevance to the 21st century? 

Likewise, proclaiming a love for the wonders of the night sky is all well and good, but why did it make our example student want to study Physics? 

Top tip:  Encourage students to set a limit on the number of adjectives or descriptive phrases they use in their writing. It’s important to remember a Personal Statement has to accomplish a lot in a relatively short number of words. If students over-use words like ‘passionate’, ‘breathtaking’ and ‘awe-inspiring’ they’re just going to end up repeating themselves. 

4. Endlessly listing extracurricular activities

Extracurricular activities are a vital part of any Personal Statement. If used in the right way, they can help a student to stand out, and seem like a more well-rounded person. Extracurriculars can also help to showcase valuable soft skills that universities value in their students. 

But there’s no point using extracurriculars like a grocery list. Students endlessly describing their extracurriculars will mean nothing if they don’t link them back to the overall narrative of the Personal Statement. 

Again, it’s about showing, not telling. Saying ‘I have captained my school football team for three years’ means nothing if the writer doesn’t explain this activity within the context of the Personal Statement. 

Top tip:  When planning their Personal Statement, students need to think about the extracurricular activities that can demonstrate soft skills. What did they learn from doing this particular extracurricular activity? Do they think it will set them apart in their overall application? If the answer is no, then it’s best not putting it in. 

5. Over-using quotes or taking them out of context

Remember what we said about exuberant language and cliches? 

It’s the same with the use of quotes. 

Quotes can be a powerful tool to back up any argument, be it in a UCAS Personal Statement or any other kind of essay. 

But quotes used clumsily can often have the opposite effect, and make the writer of a Personal Statement seem pretentious or just quoting for the sake of it. 

Many students may feel tempted to open their Personal Statement with a quote from Mahatma Gandhi, or Martin Luther King. A student who is submitting an application for psychology may feel it necessary to begin their Personal Statement with a quote from Sigmund Freud. 

The trouble is that many UK university admissions tutors have probably seen the same quotes again and again. Again, if quotes aren’t used in context, or don’t serve the overall narrative of the Personal Statement, then it may be worth not putting them in. 

It’s also important to remember that universities want to hear from the student, not Sigmund Freud! If in doubt, a student writing a Personal Statement should use their own thoughts and insights, not someone else’s. 

Top tip:  Encourage students to use less well-known quotes in their Personal Statement. Quotes from less well-known, specialist thinkers within a subject discipline are more likely to show that a student is widely read and has a deep and rich knowledge of the subject they’re applying for. 

6. Telling the reader something they already know 

Demonstrating subject knowledge and background reading is vital for a UCAS Personal Statement. But this must fit in with the student’s overall story of  why  they want to study that particular degree. 

What students shouldn’t do is explain academic or scientific theories at length, or regurgitate existing arguments that have already been made by other writers in their chosen field of study. 

Students writing a UCAS Personal Statement need to operate from the assumption that the person reading it is probably an expert in their field. It’s only worth students talking about their wider reading, or their take on another piece of academic writing, if they can demonstrate its relevance to them. 

Top tip:  Students should avoid going into depth about other academic or scientific theories unless they have a bearing on the student’s own worldview, and can tell the reader something about why they want to study for that particular course. 

Video: Tips from UCAS on starting a Personal Statement

7. not paying attention to word/character limits .

It’s pretty hard to literally ignore the word/character limit for the UCAS Personal Statement, as there will come a point where students will simply run out of space. 

But some students can fail to pay attention to word/character limits to the extent that they don’t plan the form and structure of their UCAS Personal Statement properly. 

Planning the overall structure and flow of the Personal Statement before writing it is absolutely essential if students are to make the most of the space that UCAS allocates. Half finished thoughts and hastily written conclusions will do more harm than good when someone reads the Personal Statement. 

Top tip:  Run one class/workshop with students where they brainstorm and plan the overall structure of their UCAS Personal Statement. Break the components of a good personal statement down into chunks, and get students thinking about the optimal structure for making their Personal Statements as good as they can be! 

8. Unnecessary origin stories 

Everyone loves an origin story (why else would film studios keep remaking Spiderman?). But origin stories in UCAS Personal Statements can sometimes be a waste of time (this is in sharp contrast to an application like the Common App in the USA), where they love to hear a student’s origin story)

Remember our physics student from Tip no.3 who loved to gaze at the night sky? Childhood anecdotes are great, and can certainly add character to a student’s application. But they’re not always necessary to showcase a student’s devotion to their chosen subject. 

In fact, it’s fair to say that admissions tutors at UK universities are more interested in an applicant’s more recent contributions or achievements in their chosen field of study than snippets of their biography. 

Yet it remains the case that students sometimes feel the need to profess their lifelong devotion to a subject they’re hoping to study at university. It’s really not necessary. 

In fact UCAS themselves once published a list of the  most commonly used opening lines in a Personal Statement . Three of the most frequent openings were 

“I have always been interested in…” (used 927 times)

“For as long as I can remember I have…” (used 1,451 times) 

“From a young age I have always been interested in/fascinated by…” (used 1,779 times) 

Not only does drawing on childhood memories risk losing sight of more relevant information, it’s also something that lots of universities have seen before. 

9. Making things up 

We hope that none of your students would ever lie in their Personal Statement. But if someone feels the pressure to stand out from the crowd and really impress a university, then it could happen. 

Even small, believable exaggerations could come back to haunt a student if they were hypothetically invited to an interview further down the road. It could be as small as pretending to have read a particular book, or quoting/discussing a piece of research in their chosen subject field and not having fully engaged with it. 

Top tip:  When it comes to putting anything untruthful in a Personal Statement, we can only offer you one piece of advice to give to your students. 

Don’t do it! It’s not worth it, students will probably get found out and there’s likely plenty of achievements and skills that students can talk about in their Personal Statement. They just need to think long and hard about what it is! 

10. Being controversial or contrarian for the sake of it 

Being controversial or argumentative can seem like a good way to sit up and get the reader’s attention – but it’s not worth a student doing it unless they’ve really got the evidence and the argument to back it up. 

For example, arguing against a famous essay or piece of research in a student’s chosen subject might seem like a good way to score some brownie points. But why does a student take issue with this particular piece of research? And is it really wise to try and tackle it in the space of a 4,000 character Personal Statement. 

Top tip:  Students should definitely be independent and analytical when discussing their degree subject in their Personal Statement – after all, it’s the most surefire way to stand out. But taking a contrarian position, or trying to make an explosive new contribution to academic discourse in the course of one Personal Statement probably isn’t a good idea. 

Writing a Personal Statement for UCAS – final tips to avoid mistakes

What do these mistakes all have in common? 

The answer is they are the natural consequence of students forgetting some of the core principles of UCAS Personal Statement writing. 

  • Students need to ensure their Personal Statements are well-structured and well-planned – so as to avoid spelling mistakes and/or falling foul of the character limit. 
  • Students need to keep their Personal Statements as unique to them as possible – this means staying truthful to their own ambitions and worldview, and avoiding generalisations or cliches. 
  • A good Personal Statement needs to be rooted in strong analysis and writing that makes good use of evidence and specific examples to back up an argument. 
  • A standout Personal Statement needs to be compelling account of a student’s suitability for a course with a good story at the heart of it – it needs to show, not tell. 

Our Personal Statement template is a great resource if you want to help your students plan and write a truly individual Personal Statement, and avoid some of the mistakes we’ve listed here. Download it below! 

Bonus Resource!

How to write a Personal Statement Worksheet & Template

what not to say in personal statement

See what BridgeU can do for you

Book your demo to learn how BridgeU’s free platform can deliver better outcomes for your students and improved results for your school.

what not to say in personal statement

What are your chances of acceptance?

Calculate for all schools, your chance of acceptance.

Duke University

Your chancing factors

Extracurriculars.

what not to say in personal statement

How to Write a Personal Statement for a Scholarship + Examples

What’s covered:, what is the purpose of the scholarship personal statement, what to include in your personal statement, personal statement example: breakdown + analysis, how to make sure your writing is effective.

Either before or after you’ve gotten into your dream school, you’ll have to figure out how to pay for it. For most students, this involves a combination of financial aid, parent contributions, self-contributions, student loans, and scholarships/grants. Because scholarships are money out of someone else’s pocket that you never have to pay back, they are a great place to start!

Scholarships come in two forms: merit-based and need-based. Need-based scholarships are also often called grants. These designations tell you whether an organization looks at your financial situation when deciding about your scholarship.

Additionally, different scholarships fall under different categories based on the mission of the organization or person providing the scholarship’s financing. These missions typically emphasize different things like academic achievement, specific career goals, community service, leadership, family background, skill in the arts, or having overcome hardship. As you select scholarships to apply for and complete your applications, you should keep these missions in mind.

No matter what type of scholarship you are applying for, you will be asked to provide the review committee with standard materials. This includes your transcript, GPA, and resume/extracurriculars, but also, importantly, your personal statement. A scholarship personal statement is a bit different from your normal college essay, so we’ve put together this guide and some examples to help you get started!

The purpose of your personal statement is to help a review committee learn more about your personality, values, goals, and what makes you special. Ultimately, like with your college essays, you are trying to humanize your profile beyond your transcript, GPA, and test scores.

College essays all have one goal in mind (which is why you can apply to multiple schools at once through applications like the Common App or Coalition App): convince admissions officers that you would be a valuable addition to the university environment. The goal of your scholarship personal statement is different and differs more from one scholarship to the next. Rather than convincing various review committees that you are a generally good candidate for extra funding for college, you need to convince each review committee that your values have historically aligned with their organization’s mission and will continue to align with their organization’s mission.

Common missions amongst those who give scholarships include:

  • Providing opportunities for students with career ambitions in a particular field
  • Helping students who have experienced unexpected hardship
  • Supporting students who show outstanding academic achievement
  • Funding the arts through investing in young artists with strong technical skill
  • Supporting the development of civic-minded community service leaders of the future
  • Providing opportunities for historically underrepresented ethnic communities 

If a specific mission like this is outlined on an organization’s website or in the promotional material for its scholarship, the purpose of your personal statement is to show how you exemplify that mission.

Some scholarships ask for your personal statement to be guided by a prompt, while others leave things open for interpretation. When you are provided a prompt, it is obvious what you must do: answer the prompt. When you are not provided a prompt, you want to write a personal statement that is essentially a small-scale autobiography where you position yourself as a good investment. In either case, you should identify a focus or theme for what you are trying to say about yourself so that your application does not get lost in the shuffle.

Prompts include questions like:

  • Why do you deserve this scholarship?
  • How have you shown your commitment to (leadership/community service/diversity) in your community?
  • When did you overcome adversity?
  • Why is attending college important to you?

If you are provided a prompt, develop a theme for your response that showcases both your values and your achievements. This will help your essay feel focused and will subsequently help the review committee to remember which candidate you were as they deliberate.

Themes include things like:

  • I deserve this community service scholarship because my compassion for intergenerational trauma has inspired me to volunteer with a local after-school program. I didn’t just sympathize. I did something about my sympathy because that’s the type of person I am. Within the program, I have identified avenues for improvement and worked alongside full-time staff to develop new strategies for increasing attendance.
  • I overcame adversity when my mother had to have a major surgery two months after giving birth to my younger brother. I was just a kid but was thrown into a situation where I had to raise another kid. It was hard, but I’m the kind of person who tries to grow from hard times and, through my experience taking care of a baby, I learned the importance of listening to body language and nonverbal cues to understand the needs of others (baby and nonbaby, alike).

Without a prompt, clarity can be harder to achieve. That said, it is of the utmost importance that you find a focus. First, think about both your goals and your values.

Types of goals include:

  • Career goals
  • Goals for personal growth
  • The type of friend you want to be
  • The change you want to make in the world

Values could include:

  • Authenticity
  • And many more!

After you write out your goals/values, write out your achievements to see what goals/values you have “proof” of your commitment to. Your essay will ultimately be an exploration of your goal/value, what you have done about your goal/value in the past, and what you aspire to in the future.

You might be tempted to reflect on areas for improvement, but scholarships care about you living out your values. It is not enough to aspire to be exemplary in leadership, community service, or your academic field. For scholarships, you have to already be exemplary.

Finally, keep in mind that the review committee likely already has a copy of your extracurricular activities and involvement. Pick one or two accomplishments, then strive for depth, not breadth as you explore them.

My interest in the field of neuroscience began at a young age.  When I was twelve years old, my sister developed a condition called Pseudotumor Cerebri following multiple concussions during a basketball game.  It took the doctors over six months to make a proper diagnosis, followed by three years of treatment before she recovered.  During this time, my love for neuroscience was sparked as I began to research her condition and, then, other neurocognitive conditions.  Later, my love of neuroscience was amplified when my mother began to suffer from brain-related health issues.  My mother had been a practicing attorney in Dallas for over twenty years.  She was a determined litigator who relentlessly tried difficult cases that changed people’s lives.  Now, she suffers from a cognitive impairment and is no longer able to practice law.  Oftentimes, she has headaches, she gets “cloudy,” her executive functioning slows down, she feels overwhelmed, and she forgets things.  My mother has gone from being the strong, confident, emotional and financial caretaker of our family to needing significant help on a daily basis. Once again, with this illness came a lot of research on my part — research that encouraged me to pursue my dreams of exploring neuroscience.

Due to my experiences with my mother and sister when I was in middle school, I knew that I wanted to make a difference in the field of neuroscience.  I also knew that, to obtain this goal, I needed to maintain superior grades in school while also pursuing opportunities outside of school to further my education.  In school, I was able to maintain superior grades to the point where I am currently valedictorian in a class of 567 students.  In addition, in school, I challenged myself by taking 16 Advanced Placement classes and 19 Honors classes.  Two of the most beneficial classes were AP Capstone Seminar and AP Capstone Research.  AP Capstone Seminar and AP Capstone Research are research-oriented classes where students are given the opportunity to pursue whatever track their research takes them down.  As a junior in AP Capstone Seminar, I researched the effects of harmful pesticide use on the prevalence of Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) in children.  This year, as a senior in AP Capstone Research, I am learning about the effects of medical marijuana on the treatment of Multiple Sclerosis (MS).  

Outside of school, I furthered my education through taking advantage of the Duke TiP summer program. Duke TiP is a summer program run by Duke University where students who score extremely well on the SAT as middle schoolers are able to take college classes at different universities throughout the summers of their middle school and high school years.  I took advantage of this opportunity twice.  First, I went to Trinity University in San Antonio to expand my horizons and learn more about debate.  However, once I was done exploring, I decided I wanted to go into neuroscience.  This led me to take an Abnormal Psychology class at Duke University’s West Campus.  This class opened my eyes to the interaction between neuroscience and mental health, mental illness, and personality.  Years later, I am currently continuing my education outside of school as an intern at the University of Texas Dallas Center for Brain Health.  Through this internship, I have been able to see different aspects of neuroscience including brain pattern testing, virtual reality therapy, and longitudinal research studies.  With this background, I have positioned myself to be accepted by top neuroscience programs throughout the nation.  So far, I have been accepted to the neuroscience department of University of Southern California, the University of Virginia, the University of Texas, and Southern Methodist University, as well as the chemistry department at University of North Carolina–Chapel Hill.  

It is with this passion for neuroscience driven by my family and passion for education driven by internal motivation that I will set out to conquer my career objectives.  My educational aspirations consist of acquiring a bachelor’s degree in a biological or health science that would assist me in pursuing a medical career as a neuroscience researcher.  I decided to attain a career as a researcher since my passion has always been assisting others and trying to improve their quality of life.  After obtaining my Masters and my PhD, I plan to become a professor at a prestigious university and continue performing lab research on cognitive disorders.  I am particularly interested in disorders such as Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD).  In the lab, I hope to find different therapies and medications to help treat the 3.5 million people around the world suffering from ASD.  Furthermore, I want to contribute back to underserved populations that struggle because they do not have as much access to medical assistance as other privileged groups.  As such, I hope to do a part of my research in less developed or developing Spanish-speaking countries. This will also allow me to pursue my love of Spanish while pursuing my love of neuroscience.  I think that following such a career path will provide me the opportunity to learn about the medical needs of the autistic community and improve their quality of health.  Furthermore, I hope to train a new generation of students to strive to research and make comparable discoveries.  Whether it be through virtual reality labs or new drug discoveries, I believe that research leads to innovation which leads to a brighter future. 

This student does a great job of making themself appear competent and dedicated to the field of neuroscience. This is primarily because they provided tangible evidence of how they have pursued their dedication in the past—through their AP Capstone courses, their Abnormal Psychology class at Duke TiP, and their internship at UTD. There is no doubt in the mind of a reader that this student is high-achieving. 

This student also engages successfully with a past-future trajectory, where they end with a vision of how they will continue to use neuroscience in the future. This helps the review committee see what they are investing in and the ways that their money will go to good use.

This student has two major areas for improvement. As we have said, the purpose of a personal statement is for a student to humanize themself to a review committee. This student struggles to depict themself separately from their academic achievements. A solution to this would be for the student to establish a theme towards the beginning of their essay that relates to both their values as a human and their achievements.

At the beginning of the essay, the student explores how their interest in neuroscience began. They explain their interest through the following sentences: “During this time, my love for neuroscience was sparked as I began to research her condition and, then, other neurocognitive conditions” and “Once again, with this illness came a lot of research on my part — research that encouraged me to pursue my dreams of exploring neuroscience.” The student made the great decision to tell the backstory of their interest, but they described their research in very mundane and redundant terms. Instead, they could have focused on their value of intellectual curiosity as a magnetic force that encouraged them to research their mother and sister’s ailments. Curiosity, then, could serve as a value-related thematic throughline to taking AP Capstone classes, taking college courses during the summer that weren’t required, and interning before even graduating high school.

A second area for improvement would be avoiding statistics. As the student identifies their valedictorian status and the number of AP classes they have taken, they might turn away certain personalities on a review committee by appearing braggy. Even further, these statistics are a waste of space. The review committee already has access to this information. These words distract from the major theme of the essay and would have been better used to humanize the student.

Throughout my academic career, I have been an avid scholar, constantly pushing myself towards ambitious goals. I held and continue to hold myself to a high standard, enrolling myself in rigorous curriculum, including Honors and Advanced Placement courses to stretch my mental potential. During my junior year of high school, I took four AP tests, two on the same day, and earned the AP Scholar with Honor Award. Additionally, I received the Letter of Commendation for the PSAT/NMSQT, and qualified for Rotary Top 100 Students both my freshman and senior year, a sign of my commitment to my studies. However, school has not been all about having the best GPA for me; beyond the numbers, I have a deep drive to learn which motivates me to do well academically. I truly enjoy learning new things, whether it be a new essay style or a math theorem. I always give each class my best effort and try my hardest on every assignment. My teachers have noticed this as well, and I have received school Lancer Awards and Student of the Month recognitions as a result. It is a major goal of mine to continue to aspire towards a high level of achievement regarding future educational and occupational endeavors; I plan on continuing this level of dedication throughout my educational career and implementing the skills I have learned and will learn into my college experience and beyond.

This fall, I will begin attending the University of California Los Angeles as an English major. I chose this major because I am fascinated by written language, especially its ability to convey powerful messages and emotions. I also enjoy delving into the works of other authors to analyze specific components of their writing to discover the meaning behind their words. In particular, I cannot wait to begin in-depth literary criticism and learn new stylistic techniques to add more depth to my writing. Furthermore, I recently went to UCLA’s Bruin Day, an event for incoming freshmen, where I was exposed to many different extracurriculars, some of which really piqued my interest. I plan on joining the Writing Success Program, where I can help students receive free writing help, and Mock Trial, where I can debate issues with peers in front of a real judge. The latter, combined with a strong writing background from my undergraduate English studies will be extremely beneficial because I plan to apply to law school after my undergraduate degree. As of now, my career goal is to become a civil rights lawyer, to stand up for those who are discriminated against and protect minority groups to proliferate equality.

As a lawyer, I wish to utilize legislation to ameliorate the plight of the millions of Americans who feel prejudice and help them receive equity in the workplace, society, and so on. Though this seems a daunting task, I feel that my work ethic and past experience will give me the jumpstart I need to establish myself as a successful lawyer and give a voice to those who are often unheard in today’s legal system. I have been a Girl Scout for over a decade and continually participate in community service for the homeless, elderly, veterans, and more. My most recent project was the Gold Award, which I conducted in the Fullerton School District. I facilitated over ten workshops where junior high students taught elementary pupils STEM principles such as density and aerodynamics via creative activities like building aluminum boats and paper airplanes. I also work at Kumon, a tutoring center, where I teach students to advance their academic success. I love my job, and helping students from local schools reach their potential fills me with much pride.

Both being a Girl Scout and working at Kumon have inspired me to help those in need, contributing significantly to my desire to become a lawyer and aid others. My extracurriculars have allowed me to gain a new perspective on both learning and teaching, and have solidified my will to help the less fortunate. In college, I hope to continue to gain knowledge and further develop my leadership skills, amassing qualities that will help me assist others. I plan to join multiple community service clubs, such as UCLA’s local outreach programs that directly aid residents of Los Angeles. I want to help my fellow pupils as well, and plan on volunteering at peer tutoring and peer editing programs on campus. After college, during my career, I want to use legal tactics to assist the underdog and take a chance on those who are often overlooked for opportunities. I wish to represent those that are scared to seek out help or cannot afford it. Rather than battling conflict with additional conflict, I want to implement peaceful but strong, efficient tactics that will help make my state, country, and eventually the world more welcoming to people of all ethnic and socioeconomic backgrounds. These goals are close to my heart and therefore I will be as diligent as I am passionate about them. My perseverance and love for learning and community service drive my ambition in both education and life as a whole, and the drive to make the world a better place is one that I will carry with me for my entire life.

This student emphasizes two values in this essay: hard work and community service. These are values that go together nicely, and definitely make sense with this student’s end goal of becoming a civil rights lawyer! That said, some changes could be made to the way the student presents their values that would make their personal statement more convincing and engaging.

Structurally, instead of using a past-future trajectory, this student starts by explaining their academic achievements, then explains their career goals, then explains their history of community service, then explains their future desires for community service. This structure loses the reader. Instead, the student should have started with either the past or the future. 

This could look like 1) identifying their career goals, 2) explaining that hard work and a commitment to community service are necessary to get there, and 3) explaining that they aren’t worried because of their past commitment to hard work and community service. Or it could look like 1) providing examples of their hard work and community service in the past, then 2) explaining how those values will help them achieve their career goals.

Additionally, like with our other example, this student shows a heavy investment in statistics and spouting off accomplishments. This can be unappealing. Unfortunately, even when the student recognizes that they are doing this, writing “beyond the numbers, I have a deep drive to learn which motivates me to do well academically. I truly enjoy learning new things, whether it be a new essay style or a math theorem,” they continue on to cite their achievements, writing “My teachers have noticed this as well, and I have received school Lancer Awards and Student of the Month recognitions as a result.” They say they are going beyond the numbers, but they don’t go beyond the awards. They don’t look inward. One way to fix this would be to make community service the theme around which the essay operates, supplementing with statistics in ways that advance the image of the student as dedicated to community service.

Finally, this student would be more successful if they varied their sentence structure. While a small-scale autobiography can be good, if organized, every sentence should not begin with ‘I.’ The essay still needs to be engaging or the review committee might stop reading.

Feedback is ultimately any writer’s best source of improvement! To get your personal statement edited for free, use our Peer Review Essay Tool . With this tool, other students can tell you if your scholarship essay is effective and help you improve your essay so that you can have the best chances of gaining those extra funds!

Related CollegeVine Blog Posts

what not to say in personal statement

DiPiero Simmons McGinley & Bastress, PLLC

What Not To Say to an Insurance Adjuster

what not to say in personal statement

About 95% of personal injury cases are settled out of court. One of the first steps in this process is talking to an insurance adjuster. These individuals will investigate the incident and reach a conclusion based on the evidence, including what you say to them.

When filing insurance claims, effective communication with the insurance adjuster can be the key to a successful claim. However, certain phrases can hinder the claims process and lead to delays or even denials.

You need to be mindful of what you say during your interactions with the adjuster to avoid making statements that could negatively impact your claim. Let’s take a closer look at some phrases you should avoid saying, along with examples of why they can be problematic.

Don’t Speculate About the Accident

Never make any assumptions about the incident. You never want to give your opinion about what could have led to the accident. Remember, it is up to the insurance adjuster to take all the information to reach a conclusion.

You always want to stick to the facts. Along with that, make sure to avoid guessing about the other party’s actions. For example, if you slip and fall at a grocery store, don’t speculate about the cause of the incident. So, avoid saying something like, “Maybe they didn’t clean the spill.” Instead, state the facts like “I slipped on a wet floor near the produce section.” This way, you can avoid making incorrect assumptions.

Avoid Discussing Fault

Feeling defensive and denying any fault is normal when involved in a car accident. However, denying fault outright can hinder the claims process, leading to potential complications.

You always want to provide an accurate and factual account of what happened. Avoid making a “It wasn’t my fault” declaration. Instead, you will want to provide a detailed description of the event. If you were involved in a car accident, say, “I was driving straight in my lane when the other vehicle suddenly changed lanes and collided with my car.”

The insurance adjuster can use facts to determine who is at fault. In turn, that makes the claims process smoother. Whenever you talk to an insurance adjuster, provide an accurate and honest account of what happened in the event of an accident.

Don’t Get Too Personal

When you report an incident, you always want to give the adjuster relevant information without oversharing personal details. Sometimes, it is fine to provide context, but this is not the time. Oversharing personal information can be detrimental to your safety and privacy.

For instance, if you report a personal injury claim, avoid providing unnecessary details like, “I was jogging in the park, and I usually take this route every evening.” A better statement would be, “While jogging in the park, I tripped on a broken sidewalk near the playground. I fell and injured my ankle.” In these scenarios, you’re not providing any personal information that could be used against you.

Never Downplay Your Injuries

When filing a claim for an injury or damages, you will want to avoid talking about your injuries too much. Once again, you will want to avoid any assumptions or giving too many details about your medical treatment. Sometimes, you may inadvertently minimize the injuries, which can negatively affect your claim. Remember that insurance adjusters will make a decision based on your statements and other evidence. They may not fully understand the extent of the harm you’ve suffered and may not offer you the compensation you deserve if you say something such as, “It’s just a bruise.”

You may want to state that you have “a bruised hip and are currently receiving treatment for it.” If you provide too many details, that can also not be in your favor. Sometimes, the adjuster may claim that the injuries were not as severe, only requiring minimal treatment. While you don’t want to go into full details of your treatment, downplaying your injuries can also lead to an adverse result in your case.

Don’t Accept the Initial Offer

When negotiating with an adjuster, keep in mind that their initial offer may not be the best option for you. In fact, many times, it will be a less-than-fair one. Insurance companies are ready to settle your claim and move on. They are not interested in giving you an offer that is in your best interests.

Before you accept the offer, assess the damage and repair costs. By doing so, you can determine a fair amount that reflects the extent of the damage and the cost of repairs. For instance, if the adjuster offers $5,000 for property damage, you can negotiate by saying, “Considering the repair estimates, I believe $6,500 is a fair amount.” With this approach, you can advocate for yourself and ensure that you receive a fair settlement offer.

Never Make Statements Without Consulting with Your Attorney

One of the biggest mistakes people make is providing a recorded statement without seeking legal advice. Recorded statements can be used against you in court or other legal proceedings.

Sometimes, insurance adjusters and other parties involved in the incident may use them to minimize their liability or shift blame onto you. For that reason, you will want to consult with legal counsel before providing any official statements.

If an insurance adjuster requests a recorded statement, you can politely say, “I’d like to consult my attorney before recording any statements.” With that, you can protect your legal rights and ensure that you don’t unintentionally say something that could be used against you in the future.

When dealing with a personal injury claim in West Virginia , you will want to have the assistance of an experienced lawyer to help with your case. By setting up a consultation with DiPiero Simmons McGinley & Bastress, PLLC, you can make sure that you don’t say anything that can jeopardize your insurance claim.

Free Case Review

dawn pierce

Latest Articles

Latest articles, west virginia legal news & insights.

DBD Law Best Law Firms

More From Forbes

Why you need to admit your mistakes and what happens when you don't.

  • Share to Facebook
  • Share to Twitter
  • Share to Linkedin

Acknowledging one's mistakes fosters a culture of humility, learning, and adaptability within an ... [+] organization.

In October, 2016, Wells Fargo CEO, John G. Stumpf, stepped down after he was found culpable for thousands of fake accounts created by lower level employees to meet sales quotas. While Stumpf acknowledged responsibility, he still came off insensitive, willingly ignorant, and out of touch, which tarnished his public image.

Many leaders can’t admit they have made a mistake or they adopt the “never apologize” approach. They stand by their decisions despite all the evidence, believing it to be a sign of character strength. The ability to admit when you're wrong, however, is what transforms good leaders into great ones.

Contrary to the traditional notion of leadership often associated with unwavering confidence and infallibility, acknowledging one's mistakes fosters a culture of humility, learning, and adaptability within an organization.

It begs the question, why is it so hard to admit when we’re wrong?

THE SHORT-TERM BENEFITS OF DENYING WRONGDOING

A 2012 research study studied the effects of denying wrongdoing on the part of the offender. Refusing to apologize actually increased the self-esteem of the offenders, not to mention a feeling of power and control.

Best High-Yield Savings Accounts Of 2024

Best 5% interest savings accounts of 2024.

That’s a tempting argument to not apologize for your mistakes. If we receive a self-esteem boost and a heightened sense of power, why would we ever apologize (presumably if apologizing makes us feel weak and insecure)?

The reason is because you risk eroding the trust of your people over time. When your organization doesn’t trust you, they’re liable to turn on you. Before they turn on you though, expect a number of other aspects to decline first:

  • Productivity
  • Psychological Safety
  • Meaning in the workplace

And then eventually loyalty to round it out.

THE PERSONALITY TYPE THAT IS COMFORTABLE ACCEPTING RESPONSIBILITY

Researchers Karina Schumann & Carol S. Dweck studied the correlation between two theories of personality (incremental and entity) and the willingness to accept responsibility for a transgression.

Sidebar: If you’re not familiar with the name, Carol Dweck, you should buy the book, Mindset . In it, she talks about fixed and growth mindsets.

A fixed mindset is one who believes that their abilities, intelligence, and talent are fixed. Any success or failure an individual with a fixed mindset receives in life will be an affirmation of their ever-static abilities.

Thus, to maintain an unblemished self-image, the fixed mindsets don’t typically put themselves into a situation where they might fail.

A growth mindset is the belief that we can always develop our abilities further. The growth mindsets don’t view failure as a confirmation of their immutable abilities, but rather opportunities to learn and grow from the experience.

Thus, the growth mindsets don’t shy away from experiences where they may not succeed because it’s all part of their self-development continuum.

Schumann and Dweck’s study sought to answer the question: does having a fixed or growth mindset matter when it comes to admitting fault?

Turns out, yes.

When it comes to accepting responsibility, the growth mindsets of the world…

“...feel less threatened by accepting responsibility because they are more likely to view the situation as an opportunity for them to grow as a person and develop their relationship with the victim.” ~Karina Schumann & Carol S. Dweck

Leaders who are afraid to fail will create a status quo environment, which is the death of innovation and creativity. If, on top of being afraid to fail, you also feel threatened by admitting fault, you are sealing your fate as a doomed leader.

Encouraging Innovation, Learning, and Growth

In a culture where leaders are open to admitting errors, employees are more likely to take calculated risks and think outside the box. Knowing that mistakes won't be met with blame or punishment, team members feel empowered to explore new ideas and solutions. This, in turn, fuels innovation and propels the organization forward.

Leaders who acknowledge their mistakes set an example for continuous learning. By embracing errors as opportunities for growth, both individually and collectively, organizations can adapt more swiftly to change. Leaders who learn from their missteps instill a culture of resilience and adaptability, preparing their teams for the challenges that lie ahead.

Practical Advice On Admitting Mistakes

While understanding the importance of admitting mistakes is crucial, the actual act requires finesse and consideration. Here are some practical tips for leaders on how to navigate this delicate process:

Reflect Before Reacting. Take a moment to reflect on the situation before reacting. Understand the nature of the mistake, its impact, and the potential solutions. This thoughtful approach allows you to respond with clarity and purpose rather than impulsively.

Choose the Right Time and Place. Timing is key. Avoid addressing errors in the heat of the moment or during high-stress situations. Choose an appropriate time and private setting to discuss the issue with the relevant parties involved.

Use "I" Statements. When admitting a mistake, use "I" statements to take personal responsibility. Avoid blaming others or external factors. This demonstrates accountability and reinforces your commitment to leading by example.

Offer Solutions. Alongside admitting the mistake, present potential solutions or a plan for improvement. This proactive approach shows that you are not only acknowledging the error but actively working towards rectifying it.

Seek Input and Feedback. Involve your team in the solution-finding process. Seek their input and feedback, demonstrating a collaborative approach to problem-solving. This inclusivity fosters a sense of ownership and shared responsibility within the team.

Learn and Apply. After admitting a mistake, commit to learning from it. Outline the steps you'll take to prevent a similar error in the future. This commitment to personal and organizational growth reinforces the value of learning from experiences.

Celebrate Successes and Failures. Cultivate a culture where successes and failures are celebrated equally. Highlighting the positive outcomes that result from learning from mistakes encourages a mindset shift within the organization.

Lastly, Ohio State University researcher, Roy Lewicki says to apologize correctly, you want to meet the the following six points:

  • Acknowledgment of responsibility
  • Offer of repair
  • Expression of regret
  • Explanation of what went wrong
  • Declaration of repentance
  • Request for forgiveness

When a leader acknowledges their fallibility, it sends a powerful message to the team that honesty and transparency are valued. This openness builds trust among team members, creating an environment where individuals feel secure in expressing their ideas and admitting their own mistakes.

Leadership is not about projecting an image of invincibility but rather about inspiring and guiding a team towards collective success. Humility, far from being a weakness, is a strength that enables leaders to connect with their teams on a deeper level.

Never shy away from saying, “I was wrong.” While you might hate to admit your failings, doing so makes people respect you more than all the rationalizations and justifications in the world.

Nicole Lipkin

  • Editorial Standards
  • Reprints & Permissions
  • International edition
  • Australia edition
  • Europe edition

a man with short grey hair in a blue shirt and tie speaks at a microphone

US Senate candidate apologizes for using racist slur while trying to say ‘bugaboo’

David Trone, a Maryland congressman, used a derogatory and offensive term for a Black person during a Capitol Hill hearing

  • US politics – latest updates

A Maryland Democratic congressman running for US Senate has apologised for using a racist slur during a hearing on Capitol Hill.

Speaking during a House budget committee hearing, David Trone said: “So this Republican jigaboo that it’s the tax rate that’s stopping business investment, it’s just completely faulty by people who have never run a business. They’ve never been there. They don’t have a clue what they’re talking about.”

“Jigaboo” is a derogatory and offensive term for a Black person. The Oxford English Dictionary says the word is of unknown origin, its first documented use found in a song from 1909.

Trone apologized in a statement to the Washington Post . “While attempting to use the word ‘bugaboo’ in a hearing, I misspoke and mistakenly used a phrase that is offensive,” he said.

“Upon learning the meaning of the word I was deeply disappointed to have accidentally used it, and I apologise.”

Merriam-Webster defines “bugaboo” as “an imaginary object of fear”.

In 2009, the rapper Jay-Z discussed with the Guardian his use of the N-word in his music, saying: “If you eliminate [it, racists will] say ‘monkey’ or ‘jigaboo’.”

The word “jigaboo” has recently been an occasional source of controversy .

Shalanda Young, the director of the Office of Management and Budget, to whom Trone was speaking on Thursday, is Black. She declined to comment to the Post.

In Maryland, Trone leads Democratic polling regarding the party race to contest the US Senate seat now filled by the retiring Ben Cardin.

Trone’s closest competitor, Angela Alsobrooks , a state politician, is Black. She also declined to comment.

In early polling, Trone and Alsobrooks trail Larry Hogan, the probable Republican nominee for Senate, a moderate who was a popular governor until 2023, when he was succeeded by Wes Moore, a Democrat and the first Black governor of the mid-Atlantic state.

Trone said the word he used “has a long dark terrible history” and “should never be used any time, anywhere, in any conversation.

“I recognise that as a white man, I have privilege. And as an elected official, I have a responsibility for the words I use – especially in the heat of the moment. Regardless of what I meant to say, I shouldn’t have used that language.”

  • US politics

Most viewed

what not to say in personal statement

Stephen Colbert’s Attempted Apology to Kate Middleton Met with Skepticism and Discontent

T alk show host Stephen Colbert has attempted to retract his previous statements regarding the mystery surrounding Kate Middleton’s public absence, which spurred rumors of Prince William’s alleged affair with Rose Hanbury. On his late-night program, Colbert sought to address the controversy he had stoked by referencing his personal standard to avoid mocking people’s difficult times. The explanation, given during his show, shed light on the matter and was sourced from the New York Post . Colbert stated, “We did some jokes about that mystery and all the attendant fruit-fry in the reporting about that, and when I made those jokes, that upset some people even before her diagnosis was revealed.” He continued to briefly mention Kate’s diagnosis and followed up with a statement of regret concerning the jokes made.

Despite Colbert expressing his and his show’s team’s aspirations for Kate’s prompt and complete recovery, many audience members highlighted the lack of a formal apology in his address. One individual pointedly criticized Colbert’s statement for lacking the word ‘sorry’ on social media, and the sentiment was echoed by others (as seen in a tweet ). The frustration was further amplified by tweets from viewers who disapproved of Colbert’s manner of delivering what was supposed to be an apology. One tweet explicitly branded Colbert’s attempt as evasive and not a sincere apology. The public’s reaction to Colbert’s words indicates significant dissatisfaction with his approach to rectifying the situation.

FAQs About Stephen Colbert’s Controversial Remarks and Apology

What did Stephen Colbert originally say about Kate Middleton?

Stephen Colbert made jokes about the speculation surrounding Kate Middleton’s absence from the public eye, which coincided with rumors about Prince William’s affair with Rose Hanbury.

What prompted Colbert to address his previous comments?

Colbert sought to address his comments after they were met with upset from the public, especially in light of Kate Middleton’s subsequent diagnosis.

Did Stephen Colbert officially apologize to Kate Middleton?

Viewer criticism centered around the absence of a direct apology from Colbert. Despite expressing regret, Colbert did not explicitly say “sorry” in his address, which led to further scrutiny.

What has been the public response to Colbert’s apology?

The response has been largely negative, with many calling out Colbert for the lack of a clear apology and considering his remarks as dismissive and insufficient.

The recent events surrounding Stephen Colbert’s comments and subsequent on-air statement regarding Kate Middleton have ignited a wave of discontent and debate about the nature of public apologies and accountability among celebrities and television personalities. Amidst the public’s expectations for straightforward apologies, Colbert’s handling of the situation has been largely viewed as insufficient and insincere. The incident serves as an illustrative case of how public figures are held to account for their remarks and the importance of transparently addressing and rectifying any offenses caused in the public domain.

l intro 1711567747

Watch CBS News

Who owns the ship that struck the Francis Scott Key Bridge in Baltimore?

By Megan Cerullo

Edited By Anne Marie Lee

Updated on: March 26, 2024 / 5:05 PM EDT / CBS News

The collapse of  Baltimore's Francis Scott Key Bridge on Tuesday after being struck by a cargo ship has raised questions about who owns and manages the ship, as well as on the potential impact on one the busiest ports in the U.S.

Called the Dali, the 948-foot vessel that hit the bridge is managed by Synergy Marine Group, a Singapore-based company with over 660 ships under management around the world, according to its website . The group said the ship was operated by charter vessel company Synergy Group and chartered by Danish shipping giant Maersk at the time of the incident, which sent vehicles and people tumbling into the Patapsco River.

"We are horrified by what has happened in Baltimore, and our thoughts are with all of those affected," Maersk said in a statement to CBS News Tuesday, in which it also confirmed the ship was carrying cargo for Maersk customers. The company had no crew or personnel aboard the ship.

The Dali, which can carry up to 10,000 twenty-foot equivalent units, or TEUs, was carrying nearly 4,700 containers at the time of the collision. It was operated by a 22-person, Indian crew. It was not immediately clear what kind of cargo the ship was carrying. 

Who owns and manages the Dali?

The Dali is owned by Grace Ocean Private, a Singapore-based company that provides water transportation services. The ship was chartered by Danish container shipping company Maersk at the time of the collision.

Synergy Marine, founded in 2006, provides a range of ship management services, including managing ships' technical components and their crews and overseeing safety, according to S&P Capital IQ. Its parent company, Unity Group Holdings International, an investment holding company, was founded in 2008 and is based in Hong Kong.

Where was the ship headed?

The outbound ship had left Baltimore and was headed for Colombo, the capital of Sri Lanka, Synergy Marine Group said in a  press release . 

How busy is the Port of Baltimore?

In 2023, the Port of Baltimore handled a record 52.3 million tons of foreign cargo, worth $80 billion, according  to the office of Maryland Gov. Wes Moore. The port is also a significant provider of local jobs. 

The top port in the U.S. for sugar and gypsum imports, it is the ninth busiest U.S. port by the total volume and value of foreign cargo handled. All vessel traffic into and out of the facility is currently suspended, although the port remains open and trucks continue to be processed within the its terminals, according to a statement release by Port of Baltimore officials. 

What is the potential local economic impact?

Directly, the port supports 15,300 jobs, while another 140,000 in the area are related to port activities. The jobs provide a combined $3.3 billion in personal income, according to a CBS News report . The Port of Baltimore said Tuesday that it is unclear how long ship traffic will be suspended.

The disaster also caused chaos for local drivers. The Maryland Transportation Authority said all lanes were closed in both directions on I-695, with traffic being detoured to I-95 and I-895.

How could the bridge collapse affect consumers and businesses?

Experts say the bridge collapse could cause significant supply chain disruptions.

"While Baltimore is not one of the largest U.S. East Coast ports, it still imports and exports more than 1 million containers each year, so there is the potential for this to cause significant disruption to supply chains," Emily Stausbøll, a market analyst at Xeneta, an ocean and air freight analytics platform, said in a statement. 

She added that freight services from Asia to the East Coast in the U.S. have already been hampered by drought in the Panama Canal, as well as risks related to conflict in the Red Sea. Nearby ports, including those in New York, New Jersey and Virginia, will be relied on to handle more shipments if Baltimore remains inaccessible. 

Whether ocean freight shipping rates will rise dramatically, potentially affecting consumers as retailers pass along higher costs, will depend on how much extra capacity the alternate ports can handle, Stausbøll said. "However, there is only so much port capacity available and this will leave supply chains vulnerable to any further pressure."

Marty Durbin, senior vice president of policy at the U.S. Chamber of Commerce, said that the bridge is a critical connector of "people, businesses, and communities."

"Unfortunately, its prolonged closure will likely disrupt commercial activities and supply chains that rely on the bridge and Port of Baltimore each day," he said in a statement.

What other industries could be affected?

Trucking companies could be severely affected by the disaster. 

"Aside from the obvious tragedy, this incident will have significant and long-lasting impacts on the region," American Trucking Associations spokesperson Jessica Gail said, calling Key Bridge and Baltimore's port "critical components'' of the nation's infrastructure.

Gail noted that 1.3 million trucks cross the bridge every year — 3,600 a day. Trucks that carry hazardous materials will now have to make 30 miles of detours around Baltimore because they are prohibited from using the city's tunnels, she said, adding to delays and increasing fuel costs.

"Time-wise, it's going to hurt us a lot," added Russell Brehm, the terminal manager in Baltimore for Lee Transport, which trucks hazardous materials such as petroleum products and chemicals. The loss of the bridge will double to two hours the time it takes Lee to get loads from its terminal in Baltimore's Curtis Bay to the BJ's gasoline station in the waterfront neighborhood of Canton, he estimated.

Cruise operators are also being affected. A Carnival cruise ship that set off Sunday for the Bahamas had been scheduled to return to Baltimore on March 31. Carnival said Tuesday it is "currently evaluating options for Carnival Legend's scheduled return on Sunday." The company also has cruises scheduled to set sail from Baltimore through the summer. 

Norwegian Cruise Line last year introduced new routes departing from the Port of Baltimore. Its sailings are scheduled for late this year. The company said the Key Bridge collapse doesn't immediately require it to reroute any ships.

Who will pay to rebuild the bridge?

President Biden said Tuesday that the federal government, with congressional support, would pay to rebuild the bridge.

"We're going to work with our partners in Congress to make sure the state gets the support it needs. It's my intention that the federal government will pay for the entire cost of reconstructing that bridge," Biden said in comments from the White House. "And I expect the Congress to support my effort. This is going take some time. The people of Baltimore can count on us though, to stick with them, at every step of the way, till the port is reopened and the bridge is rebuilt."

—The Associated Press contributed to this report.

img-6153.jpg

Megan Cerullo is a New York-based reporter for CBS MoneyWatch covering small business, workplace, health care, consumer spending and personal finance topics. She regularly appears on CBS News Streaming to discuss her reporting.

More from CBS News

What caused ship to slam into Baltimore's Key Bridge? What we know

What we know about the condition of Baltimore's Key Bridge before its collapse

What to know about the Key Bridge collapse in Baltimore

Baltimore bridge collapse is port's version of a global pandemic

BREAKING: Louis Gossett Jr., the first Black man to win a supporting actor Oscar for his role in 'An Officer and a Gentleman,' dies at 87

Princess Kate announces she is undergoing treatment for cancer

LONDON — Kate, the Princess of Wales , announced Friday that she was diagnosed with cancer and is undergoing chemotherapy , breaking her silence after weeks of widespread speculation over her health.

The 42-year-old wife of  Prince William , Britain’s future king, was hospitalized for almost two weeks at the private London Clinic after having major abdominal surgery in January.

It was thought that her condition was noncancerous and that the surgery had been successful, Kate said Friday in a rare video message. "However," she said, "tests after the operation found cancer had been present.”

Kate said that she was now undergoing “a course of preventative chemotherapy” on the advice of her medical team. She did not specify what type of cancer she has or at what stage it was found, and Kensington Palace, the couple’s royal household, has not said why the operation was necessary.

"I am now in the early stages of that treatment," Kate said in the statement, released by the palace. She thanked the public for their support but also asked for "time, space and privacy" while completing her treatment.

Follow live updates on Princess Kate's health announcement

"This, of course, came as a huge shock, and William and I have been doing everything we can to process and manage this privately for the sake of our young family. As you can imagine, this has taken time. It has taken me time to recover from major surgery in order to start my treatment," Kate said.

"But, most importantly, it has taken us time to explain everything to George, Charlotte and Louis in a way that is appropriate for them, and to reassure them that I am going to be OK," she added, referring to their three young children.

Kate also had a message for those affected by the disease.

"At this time, I am also thinking of all those whose lives have been affected by cancer," she said. "For everyone facing this disease, in whatever form, please do not lose faith or hope. You are not alone." 

At the time of Kate's operation, William postponed a number of engagements as he juggled being with his wife and looking after their children.

King Charles III was himself diagnosed with cancer last month and has been undergoing treatment. Buckingham Palace has not specified the type of cancer or at what stage it was found, though the announcement marked a break with royal history that has often seen ailments hidden from the public.

Kate's surgery and withdrawal from the public eye led to commentary and conspiracy theories that spread across social media. On Friday, Kate asked for privacy.

"I am well and getting stronger every day by focusing on the things that will help me heal; in my mind, body and spirits. Having William by my side is a great source of comfort and reassurance too. As is the love, support and kindness that has been shown by so many of you. It means so much to us both," she said.

"We hope that you will understand that, as a family, we now need some time, space and privacy while I complete my treatment," she said. "My work has always brought me a deep sense of joy and I look forward to being back when I am able, but for now I must focus on making a full recovery."

The White House issued a message of support shortly after the news was announced.

“Our thoughts are with the Duchess of Cambridge and her family members and friends during this incredibly difficult time,” White House press secretary Karine Jean-Pierre said.

British Prime Minister Rishi Sunak said his "thoughts are with the Princess of Wales, Prince of Wales, the Royal Family and in particular her three children at this difficult time," he wrote in a post on X .

"I know I speak for the whole country in wishing her a full and speedy recovery and look forward to seeing her back in action when she’s ready," he added.

King Charles said he was “so proud of Catherine for her courage in speaking as she did,” according to a statement issued by Buckingham Palace.

The king had “remained in the closest contact with his beloved daughter-in-law throughout the past weeks,” following their time in hospital together, a palace spokesperson said.

Prince Harry and Meghan, the Duke and Duchess of Sussex, offered their support for Princess Kate in a statement Friday.

"We wish health and healing for Kate and the family, and hope they are able to do so privately and in peace," the pair said.

Kate's absence from public view and the ensuing media frenzy have fueled a public reckoning with how the royal family balances its desire for privacy with transparency and accountability in the modern world.

The royal rumor mill was sent into overdrive when a family photo of Kate and her children — released to mark Mother's Day in the United Kingdom and in an apparent bid to end the rumors — was pulled by photo agencies because it had been digitally altered.

As uproar grew, Kensington Palace said that Kate herself had edited the photo and apologized "for any confusion."

She was seen in grainy video a week later, after being spotted out shopping with William in Windsor, in what royal experts said was likely a deliberate effort to put an end to the saga.

But it then emerged that Britain's data watchdog was investigating a report that staff members at the hospital where she underwent surgery had tried to access her medical records.

Kate regularly polls as one of the most popular members of the royal family.

The former Kate Middleton grew up in Berkshire, an affluent county west of London. She was raised by entrepreneur parents and attended the exclusive Marlborough College. Kate then studied art history at the University of St. Andrews in Scotland, where she met William in 2001.

Their relationship came to public attention when they were photographed together while skiing in Switzerland, and despite briefly splitting the couple were married in 2011.

what not to say in personal statement

Max Burman is deputy editor in the London bureau of NBC News Digital.

IMAGES

  1. What Not To Put In A Personal Statement: Easy Tips

    what not to say in personal statement

  2. Professional and Best 500 Word Personal Statement Samples Online

    what not to say in personal statement

  3. How To Format A Personal Statement

    what not to say in personal statement

  4. I Dont Know How To Write My Personal Statement, What can i write in my

    what not to say in personal statement

  5. What Not To Write In A Personal Statement: Expert Advice

    what not to say in personal statement

  6. What Should You Not Say In A Medical Personal Statement? All Answers

    what not to say in personal statement

VIDEO

  1. I Did Not Say That

  2. How to not say sorry😂Secret tip🤫#youtubeshorts #alfesh

COMMENTS

  1. Personal Statement Do's & Don'ts

    It's a personal statement—it's okay to write about your strengths and accomplishments. Most people aren't comfortable bragging about themselves. But that is exactly what to do in your personal statement. Talk about: Sccomplishments. Good deeds. Moments where you made yourself proud. Just be sure to do so tastefully.

  2. Personal statement dos and don'ts

    Don'ts. Don't be modest or shy. You want your passions to come across. Don't exaggerate - if you do, you may get caught out in an interview when asked to elaborate on an interesting achievement. Don't use quotes from someone else, or cliches. Don't leave it to the last minute - your statement will seem rushed and important ...

  3. 13 Mistakes to Avoid in Your Personal Statement

    But they're uninspiring, tired, and show a lack of creativity. Instead, come up with your own metaphors and similes to say in your unique way that you "have a thirst for knowledge," and avoid clichés like they're going out of style. 2. Redundancy. Don't include your GPA in your personal statement. Let me say that again.

  4. How to Write a Personal Statement (Tips + Essay Examples)

    In a great personal statement, we should be able to get a sense of what fulfills, motivates, or excites the author. These can be things like humor, beauty, community, and autonomy, just to name a few. So when you read back through your essay, you should be able to detect at least 4-5 different values throughout.

  5. What Not To Put In A Personal Statement

    One of the best ways to make quotes work is to interweave them throughout your personal statement. Explain how the quote inspired you to be a volunteer in the local kitchen soup. Then explain how your experience in the kitchen soup motivated you to apply for the course. For a full-blast ending, mention your quote again in your conclusion.

  6. Personal statements: What not to do

    Approach your personal statement as a five-minute conversation with a normal human being, at the end of which you hope the normal human being is thinking, "This person would be well-suited to be at XYZ law school when fall (or, perhaps, summer) comes.". And for heaven's sake, go easy with the thesaurus and Bartlett's Familiar Quotations.

  7. 9 Do's and Don'ts of Writing Personal Statements

    Here are five don'ts of the writing process to keep in mind: 1. Don't write about sensitive topics. When outlining your personal statement, try to avoid writing about sensitive, controversial topics that may cause a reader to feel uncomfortable or overly emotional. While it's worthwhile to write about your personal hardships in your statement ...

  8. How to Write Your Personal Statement

    Strategy 1: Open with a concrete scene. An effective way to catch the reader's attention is to set up a scene that illustrates something about your character and interests. If you're stuck, try thinking about: A personal experience that changed your perspective. A story from your family's history.

  9. Tips for writing your personal statement

    Avoid contrived or grandiose language. Instead use short, simple sentences in plain English. Insert a personal touch if possible, but be careful with humour and chatty approaches. Use evidence of your learning and growth (wherever possible) to support claims and statements. Plan the statement as you would an essay or letter of application for a ...

  10. How to start a personal statement: The attention grabber

    2. Write about why you want to study that course. Think about why you want to study the course and how you can demonstrate this in your written statement: 'Your interest in the course is the biggest thing. Start with a short sentence that captures the reason why you're interested in studying the area you're applying for and that ...

  11. How to Write a Personal Statement

    Watch out for cliches like "making a difference," "broadening my horizons," or "the best thing that ever happened to me." 3. Stay focused. Try to avoid getting off-track or including tangents in your personal statement. Stay focused by writing a first draft and then re-reading what you've written.

  12. What Not To Write In A Personal Statement: Expert Advice

    Do Not Write Content if you Can't Evidence Value. Ironically, making unqualified statements in a personal statement just doesn't work. Every point you make must be targeted to add value to your application. If you can't evidence the value of an experience, qualification, skill or piece of knowledge, you should not be including it.

  13. The Personal Statement

    1. The general, comprehensive personal statement: This allows you maximum freedom in terms of what you write and is the type of statement often prepared for standard medical or law school application forms. 2. The response to very specific questions: Often, business and graduate school applications ask specific questions, and your statement ...

  14. What Is a Personal Statement? Everything You Need to Know About the

    Prompt Type 1: Your Personal History. This sort of question asks you to write about a formative experience, important event, or key relationship from your life. Admissions officers want to understand what is important to you and how your background has shaped you as a person. These questions are both common and tricky.

  15. The ten biggest mistakes when writing your personal statement

    7. Not going into enough detail about experiences. It can be tempting to fill your personal statement with loads of different experiences to show how well-rounded and dedicated you are. But the character limit will stop you from going into any detail.

  16. How To Write a Good Personal Statement (With Examples)

    Include information that describes more about you than the details in your transcript. 5. Identify your plans for the future. Part of your personal statement can include future goals and ambitions. Explain what can happen if you gain acceptance to the university of your choice or you receive the job you want.

  17. Writing a Personal Statement for UCAS: The 10 Big Mistakes ...

    Students need to put a lot of time into making sure the UK course they are applying for is right for them. Starting a Personal Statement without having thoroughly researched university and course options is one of the most fundamental mistakes a student could make. 2. Spelling & Grammar Mistakes.

  18. 16 Winning Personal Statement Examples (And Why They Work)

    Here are 16 personal statement examples—both school and career—to help you create your own: 1. Personal statement example for graduate school. A personal statement for graduate school differs greatly from one to further your professional career. It is usually an essay, rather than a brief paragraph. Here is an example of a personal ...

  19. A list of the best words to use in a personal statement

    You can use words in your personal statement that showcase your suitability for this. It's a great opportunity to present who you are outside of your academic achievements and grades. You want to give them an idea of the kind of person you are. Here are some words you can use to describe yourself: ambitious. confident.

  20. 12 Outstanding Personal Statement Examples + Why They Work 2024

    Note that almost none of these students actually titled their essays; for the Table of Contents, I've simply titled them based on their first line or general topic. Example #1 - The Tally on My Uniform. Example #2 - Quattro Lingue. Example #3 - 12. Example #4 - Flying.

  21. How to Write a Personal Statement

    1. Create an outline. Before you begin writing, start by organizing your thoughts in an outline to decide what you want to say. This will not only help you to create the personal statement more quickly but will also ensure that it flows smoothly from one topic to the next. Additionally, an outline will help you stay on track if there's a word ...

  22. How to Write a Personal Statement for a Scholarship + Examples

    That said, it is of the utmost importance that you find a focus. First, think about both your goals and your values. Types of goals include: Career goals. Goals for personal growth. The type of friend you want to be. The change you want to make in the world. Values could include: Authenticity.

  23. What Not To Say to an Insurance Adjuster

    Instead, you will want to provide a detailed description of the event. If you were involved in a car accident, say, "I was driving straight in my lane when the other vehicle suddenly changed lanes and collided with my car.". The insurance adjuster can use facts to determine who is at fault. In turn, that makes the claims process smoother.

  24. Why You Need To Admit Your Mistakes And What Happens When You ...

    Use "I" Statements. When admitting a mistake, use "I" statements to take personal responsibility. Avoid blaming others or external factors. This demonstrates accountability and reinforces your ...

  25. US Senate candidate apologizes for using racist slur while trying to

    Trone apologized in a statement to the Washington Post. "While attempting to use the word 'bugaboo' in a hearing, I misspoke and mistakenly used a phrase that is offensive," he said ...

  26. Former Sen. Joe Lieberman dies at 82

    This is a developing story and will be updated. Former Democratic vice presidential nominee and Sen. Joe Lieberman has died, according to a statement from his family.

  27. Netanyahu says he's trying everything to get more aid to Gaza. Aid

    Netanyahu says Israel's policy is to allow as much aid 'as needed'. "Our policy is to not have famine, but to be the entry of humanitarian support as needed, and as much as is needed ...

  28. Stephen Colbert's Attempted Apology to Kate Middleton Met with ...

    One individual pointedly criticized Colbert's statement for lacking the word 'sorry' on social media, and the sentiment was echoed by others (as seen in a tweet). The frustration was further ...

  29. Who owns the ship that struck the Francis Scott Key Bridge in Baltimore

    The jobs provide a combined $3.3 billion in personal income, according to a CBS News report. The Port of Baltimore said Tuesday that it is unclear how long ship traffic will be suspended.

  30. Princess Kate announces she is undergoing treatment for cancer

    By Max Burman. LONDON — Kate, the Princess of Wales, announced Friday that she was diagnosed with cancer and is undergoing chemotherapy, breaking her silence after weeks of widespread ...