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Knowing Myself: Unraveling the Self

Table of contents, peering beneath the surface, the quest for self-awareness, questioning the depths, the paradox of change, the journey's purpose, conclusion: navigating the terrain within.

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The importance of knowing yourself: your key to fulfillment

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What does it mean to know yourself?

The importance and benefits of knowing one's self, how to know yourself better, how to improve your self-knowledge, how coaching can help.

Think of the most eccentric person in your life. You know the one. 

The one who either shows up in a disheveled leather jacket or an all-black outfit and a beret. They’re somewhat aloof but always energetic. Unapologetically flamboyant, but always kind and understanding. This person chooses to be themselves, not who they’re expected to be. 

They don’t care about the world’s expectations. This sometimes gets them into trouble or attracts judging glares from nearby strangers. But, you have to admit, it would be nice to have that kind of self-confidence . And you can!

In a world rife with expectations, living authentically can feel impossible. It feels easier to have your path planned for you. But, in the long run, this will only hold you back from living a fulfilling life.

The great philosopher Socrates said it himself: “To know thyself is the beginning of wisdom.” 

So if you’re wondering whether authenticity is worth pursuing, the short answer is “yes.” And, for the detail-oriented among you, here’s everything you need to know about the importance of knowing yourself — so you too can find your true self.

Knowing yourself is about discovering what makes you tick. Among other things, it means:

• Learning your likes and dislikes
• Unearthing your beliefs and values
• Knowing your personal boundaries
• Accepting your personality traits
• Being a better team player
• Having a clearer path in your professional life
• Understanding how you interact with others
• Recognizing your core personal values
• Increasing your capacity for self-compassion
• Having a clearer idea of your life’s purpose
• Knowing what it takes to be self-motivated
• Being more adaptable  

Ultimately, all of these things will increase your self-awareness . Being more self-aware lends to enhanced self-development, acceptance, and proactivity while benefiting our overall mental health .

We’ll be more confident, make better decisions, have stronger relationships, and be more honest .

Knowing yourself is about knowing what makes you tick. It means identifying what matters to you, your strengths and weaknesses, your behaviors, tendencies, and thought patterns. This list describes the importance and benefits of knowing one's self:

1. Despite your quirks, flaws, and insecurities, you learn self-love and acceptance. Once you do, you can walk through the world with more confidence and care less about what people think. 

2. You can change your personality flaws and improve on your weaknesses. You are empowered to become who you want to be. This will help you become a better, more well-rounded person.

3. You’ll have more emotional intelligence , which is key to knowing others. You’ll be more conscious of your own emotions and feelings, making it easier to understand another person's point of view.

4. You'll be more confident. Self-doubt disappears when you know and accept yourself, and others won't influence you as easily. It'll be easier to stand your ground .

5. You’ll forge better relationships. It’s easier to share yourself when you know yourself. You’ll also know what kind of people you get along with, so you can find your community .

6. You’ll be less stressed. Self-awareness will help you make decisions that are better for you. And when this happens, you become less stressed about what people think or whether you made the right choice. 

7. You’ll break patterns of disappointment. Y ou'll find repetitive behaviors that lead to poor outcomes when you look inward. Once you name them, you can break them.

8. You’ll be happier. Expressing who you are, loud and proud, will help you improve your well-being.

10. You'll have more self-worth. Why is self-worth important? Because it helps you avoid compromising your core values and beliefs. Valuing yourself also teaches others to respect you.

11. You'll understand your values. We can’t understate the importance of knowing your values. They will help you make decisions aligned with who you are and what you care about.

12. You'll find purpose in life. Knowing purpose in life will give you a clear idea of where you should go and what you should do. 

Getting to know yourself is hard. It involves deep self-reflection, honesty, and confronting parts of yourself you might be afraid of. But it’s a fundamental part of self-improvement .

If you need help, try working with a professional. BetterUp can help you navigate your inner world.

Now that we’re clear on the importance of knowing yourself, you might not know where to get started. Let’s get into it.

Check your VITALS

Author Meg Selig coined the term VITALS as a guide for developing self-knowledge. Its letters spell out the six core pillars of self-understanding:

These are your guides for decision-making and setting your goals. Understanding them will help you make decisions aligned with your authentic self. Here are some example values:

• Being helpful
• Trust 
• Wealth 

You can see how each of these might lead to different life choices. For example, if you value honesty, you might quit a job where you have to lie to others.

2. I nterests

Your interests are what you do without being asked, like your hobbies, passions, and causes you care about. You can then try to align your work with these interests. Here are some examples:

• Climate change. If you’re passionate about this issue, you might choose to work directly on the problem. Or you can make choices that allow for a more sustainable lifestyle, like owning an electric car.
• Audio editing. Perhaps you’re an amateur musician, and you spend your time recording and editing audio. You can start working as a freelance editor or find a job that uses these skills.
• Fitness. If you love working out and value helping others, you might consider becoming a trainer at your local gym or leading a running group.

Not all of your interests need to be a side-hustle . But being aware of them can help you make decisions that better suit your desired life. It is really about knowing your priorities.

3. T emperament

Your temperament describes where your energy comes from. You might be an introvert and value being alone. Or, as an extrovert, you find energy being around others.

Knowing your temperament will help you communicate your needs to others. 

If you’re a meticulous planner going on a trip, you should communicate this to your more spontaneous travel buddy. They might feel suffocated by your planning, leading to arguments down the road. Bringing it up before your trip will help talk it out to avoid conflict later.

4. A round-the-clock activities

This refers to when you like to do things. If you’re a writer and you’re more creative at night, carve out time in the evening to work. If you prefer working out in the morning, make it happen. Aligning your schedule with your internal clock will make you a happier human being.

5. L ife-mission and goals

Knowing your life mission is about knowing what gives your life meaning. It gives you purpose, a vocation , and something to strive for.

To find your life mission, think about what events were most meaningful to you so far. For example:

• Leading a successful project at the office
• Influencing positive change through your work
• Helping someone else succeed

There are many ways to fulfill a life mission. You can fulfill your goals with the skills and resources you have. For example, “helping someone succeed” could mean becoming a teacher or mentoring a young professional.

6. S trengths and weaknesses

These include both “hard skills” (like industry-specific knowledge and talents) and “soft skills” (like communication or emotional intelligence ).

When you do what you’re good at, you’re more likely to succeed, which will improve your morale and mental health.

Knowing your weaknesses and toxic traits will help you improve on them or minimize their influence on your life.

Are you ready to get started? There are many ways to understand your inner self:

• Write in a journal
• Step out of your comfort zone
• Track your progress
• Choose smart habits

A professional coach will encourage you to reflect on and reframe your inner thoughts and patterns. They understand that, in many cases, impulsivity holds you back from attaining your full potential.

The amygdala — an almond-sized region of the brain partially responsible for emotions — releases dopamine to reinforce impulsive behavior . This happens every time you open Facebook instead of working, eat chocolate while on a diet, or get angry at your colleagues instead of helping solve the problem.

Self-awareness can help you overcome your impulsivity. Armed with the right tools, you can break unhealthy or unwanted behaviors. 

A coach can help you meet these ends. They can teach you:

• Mindfulness: the acceptance that nothing is inherently good or bad 
• Metacognition: the awareness that your mind is the root of your actions
• Reframing: the power to react differently to an event or circumstance

These three elements can help you strengthen your self-control . You'll keep a cool head in stressful situations, communicate more effectively with others, and become a better leader overall.

In other words: by checking in with yourself, you avoid wrecking yourself.

At BetterUp , our coaches are trained in Inner Work® and understand the importance of knowing yourself. This is a lifetime journey. But together, we can make your life better.

Discover your authentic self

Kickstart your path to self-discovery and self-awareness. Our coaches can guide you to better understand yourself and your potential.

Allaya Cooks-Campbell

With over 15 years of content experience, Allaya Cooks Campbell has written for outlets such as ScaryMommy, HRzone, and HuffPost. She holds a B.A. in Psychology and is a certified yoga instructor as well as a certified Integrative Wellness & Life Coach. Allaya is passionate about whole-person wellness, yoga, and mental health.

The benefits of knowing yourself: Why you should become your own best friend

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20 Importance of Knowing Yourself: A Guide to Self-Discovery

Sanju Pradeepa

Whether you’re starting a new business, tackling a new job, or embarking on a personal project, the question of success is almost always looming. Do you have what it takes to make it big? 

You may have sought advice from mentors and business gurus; you may be trying to follow in the footsteps of your heroes; and you may have read up on every book and article out there.

But here’s the thing: no matter how much information or knowledge you’ve accumulated, none of it matters if you don’t know one important thing: yourself . Knowing yourself is essential to any sort of success, regardless of what that looks like for you.

Why is knowing yourself so important? Everyone is looking for a little encouragement to move forward in their lives. No matter what stage you are at, it’s the same for every person. If you know who you are, you will gradually learn to accept the way you are, develop faith in yourself, forgive yourself, and know your strengths and weaknesses.

There are so many benefits. Self-knowledge can boost your self-confidence while reducing your self-doubt . Exploring yourself is a great way to promote personal development. Remember, knowing yourself is not the end of your journey. It is the first step to beginning your successful journey.

In this guide, I’ll answer all the questions about self-discovery that you’ve been wanting to ask. I’ll explain what it means to know yourself, how to get started on this journey of exploration, and give examples from my own experience.

By the end of this guide, you’ll have a new perspective on life as well as a clearer understanding of who you are and what makes you unique.

What do you mean by knowing yourself?

Importance of knowing yourself.

• 1. Knowing yourself simplify the decision-making.
• 2. Increased self-confidence.
• 3. A great way to express yourself.
• 4. It teaches you to understand others.
• 5. You’ll have a clearer vision of what success looks like for you.
• 6. Less stress and anxiety in your life.
• 7. It helps to improve relationships.
• 8. Self-knowledge teach you to love yourself.
• 9. Lead to faith in yourself.
• 10. Acknowledging one’s true self will value their self-worth.
• 11. Helps to find the better version of yourself.

12. Enhanced creativity.

• 13. Greater resilience.
• 14. Improve mood.

15. You will be happier.

• 16. Develop the courage to be disliked and be responsible.

17. You can become more productive.

18. have a better self-control., 19. you’ll avoid mistakes faster., 20. improving the communication., 1. spend the time with yourself., 2. live in the moment, 3. be honest with yourself, 4. be an observer., 5. find what makes you happy, 6. make a self-care plan, 7. talk to people who know you well, 1. pre-conceived notions, 2. fear of change, 3. outside influences, 4. fear of the unknown, 5. comfort zone, final thought.

Gaining knowledge of yourself entails learning and comprehending your thoughts, beliefs, weaknesses, strengths, and behaviors in various situations. Knowing who you are is important because you cannot love something you do not know or if you do not know yourself.

There is no way to be happy, no way to feel like everything is exactly right. The only way to truly know who you are is to accept and choose who you are.

Learning about yourself does not only mean you know about your favorite food, drink, hobby, dreams , or other personal things. It is just a part of your knowledge about yourself.

Knowing yourself is the beginning of all wisdom. Aristotle

When it comes to self-discovery, there are many paths you can take. Knowing yourself can mean different things to different people. There’s no single definition. It’s a lifelong exploration of who you are and what you value.

At its core, knowing yourself is about

– Understanding your identity: your capabilities and limitations, your likes and dislikes, your beliefs and values.

– Understanding how you fit into the world around yo, and building a sense of comfort with that sense of self.

– Recognizing the areas where you can grow and develop, both mentally and physically.

– Accepting yourself for who you are

– Cultivating self-compassion allows you to have empathy for yourself when things don’t go as planned instead of judging or beating yourself up for mistakes or disappointment

– Understanding areas in your life which need improvement and how to prioritize them. This is similar to a person having a roadmap for their life so that they can be on track with whatever goals they have set for themselves.

Ever wonder why some people can land amazing jobs, take great risks, or make bold decisions without seemingly breaking a sweat? It all comes down to one important thing: knowing yourself. Understanding your values, strengths, weaknesses, and goals is the foundation for going after the life that you want for yourself.

Self-discovery can empower you to find new paths and make better choices. It can give you the confidence to go after what you want, and the insight to develop meaningful connections with the people around you.

By understanding yourself more, you become more creative, think more critically and explore things in ways that make sense for who you are; all of which helps create a clearer picture of where you’re going.

Moreover, knowledge about yourself also allows for an overall improvement in wellbeing–mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually which is an essential part of a quality lifestyle. It’s an opportunity for personal growth by learning about likes and dislikes, strengths and weaknesses all of which lead to a greater sense of fulfillment.

Ultimately, true self-knowledge will guide life decisions towards the most beneficial outcomes for your growth and happiness . Knowing yourself is essential for living your most authentic life.

The benefits of knowing yourself

Do you want to get to know yourself better? When you understand yourself and accept your authentic self, you gain many mental and emotional benefits. So, what are the advantages of self-discovery?

1. Knowing yourself simplify the decision-making .

Decision-making can be difficult at times due to the conflicting standards in our hearts and minds. When you try to make a decision, it will become like a war between the heart and the mind.

As your understanding of who you are deepens, so does your ability to make wiser decisions that reflect what matters most to YOU. You’ll be more likely to choose activities that will help bring out the best version of “you” as well as align with what will make you happy because when it comes down to it that is much more important than anything else.

2. Increased self-confidence .

Self-discovery helps you be more comfortable in your own skin. As you become more aware of yourself and your personality , quirks, values and strengths, your sense of confidence will naturally increase.

And the more self-assured you become, the easier it is to take risks and make positive changes like engaging in a healthier lifestyle or pursuing a career path that aligns with who you truly are.

3. A great way to express yourself .

One of the most important things is when you know about yourself, you can be courage enough to express your true self . The self-confidence it takes to tell others who you are while holding your head high is amazing. When you have that confidence to be a straightforward person, you will be a great person who is respected by the people around you .

4. It teaches you to understand others .

If you cannot understand or know yourself, you won’t be able to get to know or understand others.

SWOT, have you ever heard about this concept? It is a concept of an analysis that is used to identify the strengths, weaknesses, opportunities, and threats. Know thyself is also an analytical concept that can assist you in identifying yourself.

Therefore, it will help you identify and understand other feelings and emotions in a proper way.

5. You’ll have a clearer vision of what success looks like for you .

You’ll have a clearer vision of what success looks like for you personally and professionally (and how much time/money this will take). This means that if there’s something that needs changing in your life right now but doesn’t seem important enough yet (or maybe even seems like it might not work out), then maybe there’s something else going on in your life right now that needs changing before we can move forward with this one thing with the help of your self-knowledge.

6. Less stress and anxiety in your life .

You’ll have more control over your emotions, which means less stress and anxiety in your life and allowing them to flow more easily when they do arise instead of becoming bottled up inside until they explode out of control at some point down the road (hopefully never)

7. It helps to improve relationships .

Knowing who you are strengthens the bonds that you have with others. It also helps develop greater relationship s with others. When you know your likes, dislikes, passions, and purpose in life, it becomes easier to communicate and express yourself correctly with those around you.

Plus, understanding yourself better can help build trust within yourself and your relationships because if you don’t trust or respect the person staring at you in the mirror, it’s going to be hard for someone else to do it either.

8. Self-knowledge teach you to love yourself .

Self-knowledge has the ability to make you fall in love with yourself. Sometimes it is very hard to love yourself because of different reasons. Like you cannot accept the person who used to be in the past or due to the negative-minded personality that still does not leave you.

However, learning about yourself allows you to love yourself.

9. Lead to faith in yourself .

When you begin to know the power of knowing yourself, it is a huge conceptual way to change your life. as it leads you to build faith in yourself. When you start believing in yourself, no matter how difficult the situation, you will no longer be held back by fear . It will help you to love and faith in yourself unconditionally.

10. Acknowledging one’s true self will value their self-worth .

Sometimes we suffer because we do not know our value. We think we are not worthy enough. Self-worth is very essential for a person to live a better life. If you want to truly know your self-worth , value yourself by knowing who you are.

11. Helps to find the better version of yourself .

It is the most effective way to guide yourself in the right direction. Starting to know yourself configure your passions , weakness and the skills you need to develop to find the better version of yourself.

To become a better version of oneself, one must be able to make sound decisions, have faith in oneself, recognize one’s own worth, love and believe in oneself, and learn and understand oneself.

By the way, you can find your personal vision to be successful person.

If you believe that nothing will work for you because you are not deserving, try to understand the value of knowing yourself.

Understanding and learning the power of knowing yourself gives you the clarity and the sense of eternity to no longer be dependent on just your physical appearance.

It can give rise to new creative ideas or solutions when tackling a problem head-on.

13. Greater resilience .

Knowing yourself allows you to handle life’s challenges better as you have a better understanding of your strengths and weaknesses.

14. Improve mood .

Understanding yourself can provide insight into what is causing negative thoughts or behaviors that may be contributing to a bad mood or decreased sense of wellbeing.

You will be happier because now it won’t matter if someone else doesn’t like something about you or if they don’t approve of what you’re doing or saying. Rather than letting these things bother us so much, we can simply move on with our lives, knowing that no one else can affect our happiness except ourselves.

You’ll be happier overall because you won’t feel like a victim of circumstance or other people’s emotions. Instead, you’ll see yourself as an agent in your own life who has choices about how he or she wants things to go — even if those choices aren’t always easy ones.

16. Develop the courage to be disliked and be responsible .

This is very important. This will help you find yourself. The perspectives, behaviors, and skills of the people in the world are not the same.

Self-knowledge helps one be responsible for one’s actions .

What if you waste your life just to satisfy the opinions of others? So, remember, life is too short to be responsible for the happiness of every person in the world.

Self-awareness allows us to see where we are doing well and where we need improvement, so we can focus our efforts where they will yield the greatest results.

This also helps us realize when we’re being self-conscious or negative about ourselves (which leads to procrastination), thus freeing up time for other activities that are more important than any one task at hand (like spending time with loved ones).

Self-control is your ability to control your thoughts, feelings, impulses, and behavior. People who have high levels of self-control are able to resist temptation and delay gratification when necessary — something that can be useful in all areas of life.

When we don’t know ourselves well enough (or at all), we often make decisions based on what others want rather than what’s best for ourselves or how we feel about something — which can lead us into trouble later on down the line.

Self-knowledge helps us make better choices because it allows us to understand our own motivations and feelings better so we can make better decisions about matters like career advancement.

As self-awareness enabling you to recognize and control your reactions, feelings and emotions not just in the present moment, but in how such feelings inform your relationships with other people it improves the communication between you and those around you.

How did you get to know yourself?

How do you answer if somebody asks you how to get to know yourself?

• Be honest with yourself
• find the things which make you happy
• why do you want to be a better person
• find your goals
• which types of people you admire or surrounded with

When you stand in front of a mirror, you will see yourself (your physical appearance) in that mirror. But do you know that when you begin to know yourself, you will see the person inside yourself? It may be difficult to find or take the time to find what you are looking for. When you learn the power of knowing yourself, it will surely be able to brighten your life.

Let’s find a way to embark on the journey of self-discovery.

The best way to know yourself is to know what is inside your mind. Here I will suggest some tips for learning about yourself by spending time with yourself.

• Engaging in different hobbies like reading, journal writing, listening to music, or any other simple and easy one, which can make you enjoy, you will be able to find the time.
• Things you have instead of worrying the things you did not.
• Try to be a positive minded as always without being controlled by negativity.
• Try to talk to yourself.

Without worrying about the past or the future, try to focus on the present moment. To live freely and enjoy the moment you have to be happy, you need to find yourself. Otherwise, you will miss a great opportunity.

That means you should not lie to yourself. When you know exactly who you are but never want to accept who you are, you will be able to live freely. So never be afraid to accept who you are. You never wanted to lie to yourself.

Accepting yourself as you are does not prevent you from evolving into a better version of yourself. It makes you find the options to find the blocks that drag you backward. Never lie to yourself to escape from the harsh truth.

Being an observer is essential and beneficial in all aspects of your life. With that ability, you’ll be able to start observing your life pattern and what abilities, attitudes , and behaviors you still need to work on. And also, the people around you, your mood, how to find the person inside you, everything about yourself.

In order to know yourself, first you must find the things that make you happy. People seek their happiness to make others happy, not knowing that life is too short. (Here we talk about seeking happiness to find the life goal for another person’s expectations about our lives. Something like, not about helping others)

It’s important to take care of yourself if you want to be your best self. Make a list of things that bring you joy or make you feel good and make sure they’re part of your daily routine. This could include anything from journaling and meditating to going on long walks or listening to music.

Talk with people who might know more about you than even you do; your close friends, family members, mentors, etc. and get their insights on who you are. Ask them questions about the choices that have helped shape yourself and your life, as well as any advice they’d give someone like yourself.

Barriers That Prevent Us From Knowing Ourselves

You know that knowing yourself is essential to success, but you may not know why. The truth is, it’s often the barriers that prevent us from really understanding ourselves and our motivations that can prove to be the most challenging.

We all have pre-conceived notions about who we are; for example, we might feel like we always have to be the “good kid” or the “smart one.” These expectations can hold us back from exploring our true potential and authentic desires.

When exploring ourselves and our motivations, sometimes we have to accept things about ourselves, including negative traits that we don’t like. This often creates a fear of change in us, as it’s scary to confront those things about yourself and make changes.

Finally, outside influences can impact how well we know ourselves. Social pressures, family expectations, and societal norms can all lead us down a path that’s not necessarily best for our own personal growth and success . It’s important to remove these outside influences and focus on getting to know your true self.

By recognizing the barriers that stand between you and knowing yourself better, you will be able to overcome them and start the journey of learning who you really are.

Sometimes we find it hard to get to know ourselves because we are afraid of what we will discover. We may fear that we’ll uncover weaknesses or aspects of ourselves that make us feel ashamed, so we avoid the discomfort by sticking our heads in the sand.

But true self-discovery comes when we embrace our fears , embracing all aspects of ourselves even those parts that may be debilitating or uncomfortable.

It’s easy for us to stick with what is familiar (activities, friends, jobs) since it gives us a sense of comfort and security. But if you don’t take the time to venture out and try new things, how will you really get to know yourself? You need to push those boundaries and explore beyond your comfort zone in order for true self-discovery to occur.

Self-discovery is a never-ending journey. No matter how you change, it is very necessary to learn about and understand yourself throughout your life. 

Knowing yourself is a lifelong journey, and like any journey, it requires intentionality and focus. It requires understanding yourself and the things that make you unique, the things that make you tick, the things that bring you joy and the moments that fill you with peace. It also requires being honest with yourself, facing your fears and being brave enough to reach for the impossible.

Ultimately, it’s not about finding answers. It’s about learning to be comfortable with uncertainty and cultivating an inner stillness that allows you to navigate life with a sense of clarity, purpose, and joy. Take moments out of your day to ask yourself questions, reflect on your life, and explore the depths of your soul.

Self-discovery is not a destination, it’s a process. Embrace the journey and you’ll find yourself in a deeper relationship with yourself than you ever thought possible.

 Best of luck for your journey to discover the person inside you. I’m sure the journey will be amazing.

• Know Thy Self — Really by BY QUASSIM CASSAM – New York Times Magazine
• The surprising benefits of talking to yourself – By Paloma Mari-Beffa, The Conversation published on CNN.com
• The Importance of Knowing Yourself: Your Key to Fulfillment published in betterup.com by   Allaya Cooks-Campbell
• How To Know Yourself | Jordan Peterson | Best Life Advic
• Books to help you get to know yourself better by  Ali Roff Farrar (2021)published in Panmacmillan

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What Is Self-Knowledge in Psychology? 8 Examples & Theories

Another provocative question is, “Why do I act the way I do?”

If you’ve asked yourself similar questions, you are not alone.

When we don’t know ourselves or act in ways we don’t understand or aren’t fond of, it may be a signal that change is in order. But how do we change, and what needs changing?

Einstein once reflected, “How many people are trapped in their everyday habits: part numb, part frightened, part indifferent? To have a better life, we must keep choosing how we’re living” (Cooper, 2001, p. 131).

Ignorance, fear, and indifference do not provide the impetus for gaining self-knowledge or effecting positive change.

Conversely, self-analysis leads to self-knowledge, which is the necessary first step in initiating positive change (Schaffner, 2020).

Let’s explore how self-knowledge facilitates self-improvement and provides other benefits.

Before you continue, we thought you might like to download our three Strengths Exercises for free . These detailed, science-based exercises will help your clients realize their unique potential and create a life that feels energizing and authentic.

This Article Contains:

What is self-knowledge in psychology, why is self-knowledge important, how can self-knowledge lead to self-mastery, self-knowledge vs self-awareness, self-knowledge, self-identity, & self-concept, 2 real-life examples of self-knowledge, 6 theories about self-knowledge, resources from positivepsychology.com, a take-home message.

Self-knowledge in psychology is “actual genuine information one possesses about oneself” (Morin & Racy, 2021, p. 373). This includes information about our emotional state, personality traits, relationships, behavioral patterns, opinions, beliefs, values, needs, goals, preferences, and social identity (Morin & Racy, 2021).

Self-knowledge results from self-reflective and social processes (Morin & Racy, 2021).

However, self-knowledge isn’t derived solely from introspection. According to Brown (1998), there are five sources that contribute to the reservoir of self-knowledge.

1. Physical world

This category of information is limited to physical information such as height, weight, and eye color.

2. Social comparisons

This source of self-knowledge occurs when comparing ourselves with others. Subcategories include upward and downward comparisons, in which we compare ourselves with someone better off and worse off, respectively (Brown, 1998).

3. Reflected appraisals

This source of self-knowledge stems from others’ evaluations of us. The term denotes the fact that we see ourselves reflected through the eyes of others (Brown, 1998).

4. Introspection

This source of self-knowledge is derived through inward observation of thoughts, feelings, motives, and desires. Introspection is interwoven with and integrally connected to self-knowledge.

5. Self-perception

In this category of self-knowledge, we learn about ourselves through observing and examining our own behavior.

Schaffner (2020) includes two additional sources of self-knowledge:

6. CBT-style approaches

Another source of self-knowledge emanates from a rational analysis of our negative thought processes through approaches similar to and including Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy (CBT).

7. Mindfulness techniques

Mindfulness-based techniques help us assess and enhance our emotional intelligence skills, building self-knowledge (Schaffner, 2020).

In sum, self-knowledge is obtained through a combination of the physical, social, and psychological world.

Indeed, “People who do not see themselves accurately are likely to bungle their lives” (Begley, 2020).

Key aspects at risk due to lack of self-knowledge include life partner choices, education and career choices, and where and how to live (Morin & Racy, 2021).

Deficits in self-knowledge lead to over-estimation of subjective strengths, which can cause lower life satisfaction and poor academic performance (Morin & Racy, 2021).

Schaffner (2020) lists five reasons self-knowledge is essential for psychological growth.

• It satisfies the desire to learn and make sense of experiences.
• It prevents discord between self-perceptions and others’ perceptions of us.
• It emancipates us from the irrational whims of our unconscious.
• It facilitates proactive responses rather than reactivity.
• It is a necessary first step for positive change.

Huseyin (2017) suggests that self-knowledge demands us to develop a balanced suspicion of our feelings.

Other benefits include having less work frustration, less insecurity and envy, and less stress about money. In addition, we gain the ability to take responsibility for our emotions and have more empathy and compassion (Huseyin, 2017).

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Because self-knowledge includes honest self-assessments and other acquired information, we can use it to make positive changes and master aspects of our lives.

Self-knowledge is essential for “giving a meaningful narrative to our past, present, and future actions, a sense of continuity over time, a sense of being both unique and similar to others” (Bukowski, 2019).

Knowing ourselves enhances our ability to live coherent and fulfilling lives. In addition, it allows us to understand our basic motivations and fears, and enhances our control of our emotions (Schaffner, 2020).

Conversely, the inability to recognize our feelings leaves us vulnerable and at their mercy (Schaffner, 2020).

Stellar self-knowledge motivates us to pursue ambitious projects, relationships, and other challenges. Lack of insight can inhibit great aspirations (Begley, 2020).

Psychosocial domains ripe for change

Three domains ripe for change include blind spots, self-deception, and conflict triggers.

1. Blind spots

Blind spots are unconscious processes that “typically bias the access to and formation of self-knowledge” (Bukowski, 2019).

In this video, we learn that Brian Wagner views the world differently than most and uses his gift to help others identify their personal blind spots and overcome their self-limiting beliefs.

2. Self-deception

Baumeister (2010) describes self-deception as a kind of wishful thinking. In this state, we believe what we want to believe, bereft of rigorous justifications. Various biases serve as a vehicle for self-deception.

3. Conflict triggers

Conflict triggers are words or actions performed by another that are perceived as offensive and create conflict (Wilmot & Hocker, 2011). Taibbi (2019) suggests these triggers stem from unhealed wounds from our past.

Why few people seek self-knowledge

• Exploring unknown aspects of ourselves is risky, as it may reveal information that contradicts our current self-beliefs .
• Our culture is more interested in success and advancement than introspection (Huseyin, 2017).
• A variety of closely related terms distract information seekers, forming barriers to self-knowledge (Bukowski, 2019). Terms such as self-awareness, self-concept, and self-identity dilute the field of self-knowledge.

Let’s analyze some of these terms to provide greater clarity.

Self-knowledge refers to information about subjective tendencies, such as our emotional state, personality traits, and behavioral patterns (Morin & Racy, 2021).

Psychologists view self-awareness as a stepping stone on the path toward self-knowledge (Alicke, Zhang, & Stephenson, 2020).

Goleman (1997) states that in self-awareness, the mind investigates experiences and the corresponding emotions. This investigation can be both nonreactive and nonjudgmental.

Goleman (1997, p. 47) simplifies the concept of self-awareness by defining it as being “aware of both our mood and our thoughts about that mood.”

Some benefits of self-awareness include enhanced emotional intelligence, empathy, and listening skills (Berger, 2018).

Strong empathy and listening skills are instrumental in communication and for building robust and enriching interpersonal relationships.

In addition, self-awareness boosts critical thinking and decision making. These are skills often associated with effective leaders (Berger, 2018).

Increase your self-awareness with one simple fix – Tasha Eurich

According to Sheldon Stryker, identity is “a ‘part’ of one’s self that is ‘called up’ while interacting with others” (Appelrough & Desfor-Edles, 2008, p. 478).

The number of identities associated with a person corresponds with the roles they participate in, such as child, parent, employee, friend, and spouse (Appelrough & Desfor-Edles, 2008).

Identity salience refers to how the person organizes their identities hierarchically, as not every identity has the same meaning or status (Appelrough & Desfor-Edles, 2008).

Self-concept is the image we develop about ourselves, which, contrary to self-knowledge, may or may not be reality based (Morin & Racy, 2021). Self-concept may be ascertained using assessments such as the Self-Concept Questionnaire. This tool asks 48 questions assessing domains of self, such as moral, intellectual, social, physical, educational, and temperamental.

Self-concept is developed based on beliefs about self, whereas self-knowledge is derived from various sources of information, including external evidence (Morin & Racy, 2021).

A lack of clarity, stability, and consistency of self-concept is associated with low self-esteem , chronic self-analysis, high neuroticism, low agreeableness, and low conscientiousness (Morin & Racy, 2021).

Naomi Osaka

The courageous actions of tennis star Naomi Osaka demonstrate self-knowledge. Osaka has won multiple Grand Slams and is among the world’s highest paid female athletes (Kelly, 2021).

Osaka made the difficult decision to put her mental health before her career and public image by declining to participate in the 2021 French Open press conferences (Kelly, 2021).

As public fervor grew, Osaka withdrew from the tournament and was subsequently fined $15,000 and given a stern lecture on tournament code infractions (Kelly, 2021).

It appears that Osaka knew herself physically, mentally, socially, and professionally. She was forthcoming on social media about suffering from protracted bouts of depression following her first Grand Slam win in 2018 (Kelly, 2021).

She took initiative to prioritize caring for herself over her career, despite social scrutiny. Osaka is a rare example of how self-knowledge can be used to make critical, sometimes life-altering decisions.

Viktor Frankl

Viktor Frankl was a 20th-century psychiatrist and psychotherapist who, as a Holocaust survivor, emerged from horrific circumstances to create logotherapy and author numerous books (Frankl, 2006).

He was born in Vienna, Austria, in 1905 and received his MD and PhD from the University of Vienna. Frankl’s (2006) early work focused on depression and suicide.

After years of waiting, Frankl received his visa allowing emigration to the United States. However, the decision necessitated that he leave his parents, wife, and siblings behind. After contemplation, Frankl allowed the visa to lapse (Schatzman, 2011).

In 1942, Frankl was sent to the Theresienstadt concentration camp along with his family. He was the only member of his family to emerge from imprisonment (Schatzman, 2011).

Frankl’s body of work, early achievements, and life-transforming decisions signify self-knowledge proficiency and reflect his goals, values, beliefs, and social identity.

Various models and theories seek to explain self-knowledge. Below are concepts explaining how self-knowledge is acquired.

1. The unmediated observation model

The unmediated observation model, most notably associated with Descartes, posits that we attain self-knowledge through our own unmediated thoughts, separate from outside input or sources. This model is typically used for comparing other philosophical models (Gertler, 2003).

2. The transparency model

The transparency model involves making up your mind and rationally reflecting on and reaching a conclusion about the state of the world.

Using this model, we gain knowledge not just about our beliefs, but about any judgment-sensitive attitude. One attraction of transparency is the intimate connection between self-knowledge and agency (Jongepier, 2021).

3. Social constructionism

Social constructionism is a way of understanding ourselves and our world through the use of language to create a shared reality (Gergen, 2009). Constructionists theorize that meaning is created in relation to others.

4. The “looking-glass self”

This model, posited by sociologist Charles Horton Cooley, asserts that our sense of self is developed through interactions with others.

In this theory, our appearance is reflected through the other person. We then make a hypothesis about their judgment of us and have a resulting emotion regarding that judgment (Appelrough & Desfor-Edles, 2008).

5. Narrative self

Narrative self is necessary for introspective reasoning and autobiographical memory reconstruction. It includes two branches of thinking:

• Paradigmatic mode, which accesses logical explanations in order to build a rational explanation of reality
• Narrative mode, which uses meaningful interpretations of ourselves to create a coherent explanation of our identity

These narratives combine the past, present, and future events into a coherent sequence (Bukowski, 2019).

6. Self-perception theory

This theory, proposed by Daryl Bem, suggests that people learn about themselves by observing behavior and making inferences (Baumeister, 2010).

We have an array of resources to boost self-knowledge for yourself and your clients. Below is a list of recommended courses, articles, and free worksheets from around our site.

Mindfulness X© course

This course was developed to increase mindfulness through analysis of the underlying workings of habitual thought patterns. The combined psychology, research, and practice behind mindfulness help participants better understand the workings of the mind, adding to self-knowledge.

Emotional Intelligence Masterclass©

Emotional intelligence is the ability to manage and interpret emotional encounters. Individuals with high emotional intelligence skills tend to handle everyday stress better (Gohm, Corser, & Dalsky, 2005), have meaningful and close relationships (Schutte et al., 2001), and higher levels of wellbeing (Fernandez-Berrocal, Alcaide, Extremera, & Pizarro, 2006).

Emotional intelligence provides a deep understanding of subjective emotional tendencies, adding to self-knowledge. This masterclass  is an invaluable course for practitioners, as it includes high-quality material for practitioners to provide science-based training sessions.

This worksheet invites clients to discover who they are by considering how others and different temporal versions of themselves might respond to questions about their identity.

For instance, clients will consider how their closest friends and family likely perceive them. They will also consider what they would communicate about their present-day identity to past and future versions of themselves.

Personal Values Worksheet

Personal values refer to the beliefs, principles, and ideas that reflect the core of each individual. They bring meaning to our actions and shape our preferences, behaviors, and decisions.

This worksheet helps clients explore what they view as meaningful and important, serving as a basis to determine how they might focus their energy and time.

Replacing Negative Self-Talk

This exercise acknowledges the role of self-talk in making sense of our lives. Participants are encouraged to reframe negative self-talk into positive self-talk , making a positive change in their daily narrative.

Track and Measure Success

Because we remember the things that went wrong better than our successes, it is useful to track wins to add to your personal success story. This worksheet helps keep track of successes, adding to the self-knowledge base.

Self-Assessment for Assertiveness Self-Discovery

One of the numerous benefits of self-knowledge is that it can help enrich assertiveness skills. This worksheet prompts participants to explore various positive aspects of themselves to bolster confidence and self-efficacy .

87 Self-Reflection Questions for Introspection

This self-reflection article provides definitions, questions, and exercises that allow us to know ourselves more holistically.

17 Strength-Finding Exercises

If you’re looking for more science-based ways to help others develop their strengths, this collection contains 17 strength-finding tools for practitioners . Use them to help others better understand and harness their strengths in life-enhancing ways.

In this blog post, we’ve discussed several benefits and justifications for gaining self-knowledge.

Self-knowledge is essential for personal growth, decision making, and accurate self-assessment. It is the opposite of ignorance and helps us make sense of our experiences.

Importantly, self-knowledge is an essential tool to help in the change process. Change is hard. It requires intentionality and courage.

We humans spend a good amount of life avoiding the pain and discomfort associated with change.

The journey to gain self-knowledge seeks to dislodge us from our comfort zone to explore aspects of ourselves generally ignored or avoided.

The question I ask myself is, “How will I feel ten years from now if I choose not to look at all aspects of myself?”

Nelson Mandela stated,

“There is no passion to be found playing small—in settling for a life that is less than the one you are capable of living.”

Cooper, 2001, p. xvii

Although change may be difficult, healing, creativity, resilience, and passion are forged through change.

I believe waiting underneath our self-protective layers is a hidden wholeness.

So, who are you and what are you capable of? Aren’t you curious now?

We hope you enjoyed reading this article. Don’t forget to download our three Strengths Exercises for free .

• Alicke, M., Zhang, Y., & Stephenson, N. (2020). Self-awareness and self-knowledge. Oxford Research Encyclopedia of Psychology . Retrieved June 29, 2021, from  https://oxfordre.com/psychology/view/10.1093/acrefore/9780190236557.001.0001/acrefore-9780190236557-e-743
• Appelrough, S., & Desfor-Edles, L. (2008). Classical and contemporary sociological theory . Pine Forge Press.
• Baumeister, R. F. (2010). The self. In R. F. Baumeister & E. J. Finkel (Eds.), Advanced social psychology: The state of the science (pp. 143-175). Oxford University Press.
• Begley, S. (2020, May 18). How much self-knowledge is too much? Mindful. Retrieved June 9, 2021, from https://www.mindful.org/how-much-self-knowledge-is-too-much/
• Berger, B. (2018, May 22). Know thyself: Examining the benefits of self-reflection. Institute for Public Relations.  Retrieved June 7, 2021, from https://instituteforpr.org/know-thyself-examining-the-benefits-of-self-reflection/
• Brown, J. D. (1998).  The self.  Routledge.
• Bukowski, H. (2019). Self-knowledge. In V. Zeigler-Hill & T. K. Shackelford (Eds.) Encyclopedia of personality and individual differences (pp. 61–76). Springer.
• Cooper, R. K. (2001). The other 90% . Three Rivers Press.
• Fernandez-Berrocal, P., Alcaide, R., Extremera, N., & Pizarro, D. (2006). The role of emotional intelligence in anxiety and depression among adolescents.  Individual Differences Research ,  4 , 16–27.
• Frankl, V. E. (2006). Man’s search for meaning . Beacon Press.
• Gergen, K. J. (2009). An invitation to social constructionism (2nd ed.) Sage.
• Gertler, B. (2003). Self-knowledge. In E. N. Zalta (Ed.), Stanford encyclopedia of philosophy (Spring 2020 ed.). Retrieved July 19, 2021, from https://plato.stanford.edu/archives/spr2020/entries/self-knowledge/
• Gohm, C. L., Corser, G. C., & Dalsky, D. J. (2005). Emotional intelligence under stress: Useful, unnecessary, or irrelevant?  Personality and Individual Differences ,  39 (6), 1017–1028.
• Goleman, D. (1997). Emotional intelligence. Bantam.
• Huseyin, R. (2017, August 29). Why self-knowledge is hard to come by and what to do about it . Art of Wellbeing with Rezzan Huseyin. Retrieved May 31, 2021, from  https://www.artofwellbeing.com/2017/08/29/self-knowledge/
• Jongepier, F. (2021). The value of transparent self-knowledge. Ethical Theory and Moral Practice , 24 , 65–86.
• Kelly, J. (2021, June 1). Tennis star Naomi Osaka stood up for herself, bravely shared her mental health issues and walked away from the French Open. Forbes. Retrieved June 21, 2021, from https://www.forbes.com/sites/jackkelly/2021/06/01/tennis-star-naomi-osaka-stood-up-for-herself-bravely–shared-her-mental-health-issues-and-walked-away-from-the-french-open/
• Morin, A., & Racy, F. (2021). Dynamic self-processes. In J. Rauthmann (Ed.), The handbook of personality dynamics and processes (pp. 336–386). Elsevier.
• Schaffner, A. K. (2020, May 25). What’s so great about self-knowledge? Psychology Today. Retrieved May 31, 2021, from https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-art-self-improvement/202005/whats-so-great-about-self-knowledge
• Schatzman, M. (2011, October 23). Obituary: Viktor Frankl. Independent . Retrieved June 22, 2021, from https://www.independent.co.uk/news/people/ obituary-viktor-frankl-1237506
• Schutte, N. S., Malouff, J. M., Bobik, C., Coston, T. D., Greeson, C., Jedlicka, C., … Wendorf, G. (2001). Emotional intelligence and interpersonal relations.  The Journal of Social Psychology ,  141 (4), 523–536.
• Taibbi, R. L. (2019). Healing the past in the present. Psychology Today. Retrieved July 1, 2021, from https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/fixing-families/201907/healing-the-past-in-the-present
• Wilmot, W. W., & Hocker, J. L. (2011). Interpersonal conflict . McGraw-Hill.

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Know Yourself? 6 Specific Ways to Know Who You Are

6 "vital signs" are key to self-understanding, career success, and happiness..

Posted March 9, 2016 | Reviewed by Lybi Ma

• Learning about the aspects of one's identity can lead to greater happiness, less inner conflict, and the ability to say "no."
• Six key elements of self-knowledge are found in the acronym VITALS: Values, Interests, Temperament, Activities, Life Mission, and Strengths.
• While knowing one's "VITALS" can help a person feel freer and stronger, people constantly change and society often conflicts with one's values.

"To know thyself is the beginning of wisdom ." This famous quote is often attributed to Socrates. But what exactly do you know when you “know yourself?”

This post will reveal six elements of self-knowledge that can help you understand your own identity . As you live your daily life, you can look for clues to these important building blocks of the self.

But first, why is it important to know yourself?

The Benefits of Self-Knowledge

Maybe it’s obvious, but here, in a nutshell, are a few reasons why you might want to know your own nature:

• Happiness . You will be happier when you can express who you are. Expressing your desires will make it more likely that you get what you want.
• Less inner conflict . When your outside actions are in accordance with your inside feelings and values, you will experience less inner conflict.
• Better decision-making . When you know yourself, you are able to make better choices about everything, from small decisions like which sweater you’ll buy to big decisions like which partner you’ll spend your life with. You'll have guidelines you can apply to solve life’s varied problems.
• Self-control . When you know yourself, you understand what motivates you to resist bad habits and develop good ones. You'll have the insight to know which values and goals activate your willpower.
• Resistance to social pressure. When you are grounded in your values and preferences, you are less likely to say “yes” when you want to say “no.”
• Tolerance and understanding of others. Your awareness of your own foibles and struggles can help you empathize with others.
• Vitality and pleasure . Being who you truly are helps you feel more alive and makes your experience of life richer, larger, and more exciting.

Now that you are convinced that self-knowledge is worth having (not that you needed convincing!), we’ll move on to those "VITAL Signs" of self-knowledge.

The Building Blocks of Self: Your VITALS

The capital letters in “VITAL Signs” form an acronym for the six building blocks of the self, or VITALS, for short. The letters stand for Values, Interests, Temperament, Around-the-Clock, Life Mission and Goals, and Strengths/Skills.

“Values"—such as “helping others,” “being creative,” “health,” “financial security,” and so on—are guides to decision-making and motivators for goals. Research shows that just thinking or writing about your values can make it more likely that you take healthy actions. The motivation provided by worthwhile values can also keep you going even when you are tired, as shown in many psychology experiments. If you want to self-motivate, know your values! (For the research, click here .)

I = Interests

“Interests” include your passions, hobbies, and anything that draws your attention over a sustained period of time. To figure out your interests, ask yourself these questions: What do you pay attention to? What are you curious about? What concerns you? The focused mental state of being interested in something makes life vivid and may give you clues to your deepest passions.

Many people have built a career around a deep interest in something. For example, a friend of mine broke his leg when he was 11 years old and was so fascinated by the emergency room that he decided to become an emergency physician.

T = Temperament

“Temperament” describes your inborn preferences. Do you restore your energy from being alone ( introvert ) or from being with people ( extrovert )? Are you a planner or go-with-the-flow type of person? Do you make decisions more on the basis of feelings or thoughts and facts? Do you prefer details or big Ideas? Knowing the answers to temperament questions like these could help you gravitate toward situations in which you could flourish and avoid situations in which you could wilt.

In the 60s, spontaneity was valued over planning. I tried hard to go with the flow, but it seemed to me that I wasted a lot of time that way. Going against the grain of my own personality turned out to be a daunting task that wasn’t really worth it.

A = Around-the-Clock Activities

The “around-the-clock” category refers to when you like to do things—your biorhythms . Are you a morning person or a night person, for example? At what time of day does your energy peak? If you schedule activities when you are at your best, you are respecting your innate biology. As I look back on my life, I realize I’ve been a morning person since birth. Those fun sleepovers with girlfriends? I loved being included, but I didn’t like staying up late.

One joy of my adult life has been finding a partner with biorhythms like mine. We wake up early and go to bed early; we both get snappy unless we eat three square meals a day. We hate brunch. While the idea of biorhythm preferences may sound trivial compared to lofty qualities of the self like “values,” your daily life is more pleasant when you are in sync with your biology. In every area, it’s easier to enjoy life when you don’t waste energy pretending to be someone you aren’t.

L = Life Mission and Meaningful Goals

“What have been the most meaningful events of your life?” This was a question I liked to ask when students would see me for career counseling at the community college where I worked. One woman of about 40 years old got teary-eyed as she tried to answer. “Recently,” she told me, “I found it incredibly meaningful to care for my aging father as he declined and went into hospice. I was able to be there and hold his hand when he died.” As we talked about the difficulties and rewards of her father’s last days, she had an “aha” moment and realized she wanted to become a hospice nurse. (She accomplished her goal and was one of the leaders of her class.)

Ask yourself the same question: “What have been the most meaningful events of your life?” You may discover clues to your hidden identity, to your career, and to life satisfaction.

S = Strengths

"Strengths" can include not only abilities, skills, and talents, but also character strengths such as loyalty, respect for others, love of learning, emotional intelligence , fairness, and more. Knowing your strengths is one of the foundations of self-confidence ; not being able to acknowledge your own superpowers could put you on the path to low self-esteem . Become a person who “takes in the good,” listening for compliments and noticing skills that could be clues to your strengths. Here's an example: An acquaintance tells you that she loves the soothing sound of your voice. What could you do with that knowledge? Likewise, knowing your weaknesses can help you be honest with yourself and others about what you are not good at. You might decide either to work on those weaknesses or try to make them a smaller part of your personal or professional life.

Being True to You

Even if you know your "VITAL Signs," it’s hard to remain true to yourself because you are constantly changing and because society’s values often conflict with your own. I love this quote from fellow habits author Gretchen Rubin:

"My first commandment is to “Be Gretchen”—yet it’s very hard to know myself. I get so distracted by the way I wish I were, or the way I assume I am, that I lose sight of what’s actually true."

For all of us, being yourself sounds easier than it actually is. But there are a few signposts. When you’ve made a discovery about one of your "VITAL Signs," you’ll feel a sense of excitement. Acting on self-knowledge will give you energy and save you energy. You’ll feel freer and stronger because you no longer conform to how you “should” feel, think, or act. For example, I can remember my relief when I realized I was an introvert. How comforting it was to give myself the gift of time alone without wondering if I were a freak of nature!

This week, pay attention to these six aspects of your personality. What do you notice?

© Meg Selig, 2016.

To clarify your values, take a look at my chapter on "The 8 Great Motivators:" Selig, M. Changepower! 37 Secrets to Habit Change Success (Routledge, 2009).

Rubin, G. Better Than Before (Crown, 2015)

Meg Selig is the author of Changepower! 37 Secrets to Habit Change Success .

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How to Write About Yourself in a College Essay | Examples

Published on September 21, 2021 by Kirsten Courault . Revised on May 31, 2023.

An insightful college admissions essay requires deep self-reflection, authenticity, and a balance between confidence and vulnerability. Your essay shouldn’t just be a resume of your experiences; colleges are looking for a story that demonstrates your most important values and qualities.

To write about your achievements and qualities without sounding arrogant, use specific stories to illustrate them. You can also write about challenges you’ve faced or mistakes you’ve made to show vulnerability and personal growth.

Table of contents

Start with self-reflection, how to write about challenges and mistakes, how to write about your achievements and qualities, how to write about a cliché experience, other interesting articles, frequently asked questions about college application essays.

Before you start writing, spend some time reflecting to identify your values and qualities. You should do a comprehensive brainstorming session, but here are a few questions to get you started:

• What are three words your friends or family would use to describe you, and why would they choose them?
• Whom do you admire most and why?
• What are the top five things you are thankful for?
• What has inspired your hobbies or future goals?
• What are you most proud of? Ashamed of?

As you self-reflect, consider how your values and goals reflect your prospective university’s program and culture, and brainstorm stories that demonstrate the fit between the two.

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Writing about difficult experiences can be an effective way to show authenticity and create an emotional connection to the reader, but choose carefully which details to share, and aim to demonstrate how the experience helped you learn and grow.

Be vulnerable

It’s not necessary to have a tragic story or a huge confession. But you should openly share your thoughts, feelings, and experiences to evoke an emotional response from the reader. Even a cliché or mundane topic can be made interesting with honest reflection. This honesty is a preface to self-reflection and insight in the essay’s conclusion.

Don’t overshare

With difficult topics, you shouldn’t focus too much on negative aspects. Instead, use your challenging circumstances as a brief introduction to how you responded positively.

Share what you have learned

It’s okay to include your failure or mistakes in your essay if you include a lesson learned. After telling a descriptive, honest story, you should explain what you learned and how you applied it to your life.

While it’s good to sell your strengths, you also don’t want to come across as arrogant. Instead of just stating your extracurricular activities, achievements, or personal qualities, aim to discreetly incorporate them into your story.

Brag indirectly

Mention your extracurricular activities or awards in passing, not outright, to avoid sounding like you’re bragging from a resume.

Use stories to prove your qualities

Even if you don’t have any impressive academic achievements or extracurriculars, you can still demonstrate your academic or personal character. But you should use personal examples to provide proof. In other words, show evidence of your character instead of just telling.

Many high school students write about common topics such as sports, volunteer work, or their family. Your essay topic doesn’t have to be groundbreaking, but do try to include unexpected personal details and your authentic voice to make your essay stand out .

To find an original angle, try these techniques:

• Focus on a specific moment, and describe the scene using your five senses.
• Mention objects that have special significance to you.
• Instead of following a common story arc, include a surprising twist or insight.

Your unique voice can shed new perspective on a common human experience while also revealing your personality. When read out loud, the essay should sound like you are talking.

If you want to know more about academic writing , effective communication , or parts of speech , make sure to check out some of our other articles with explanations and examples.

Academic writing

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• How to end an email
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 Parts of speech

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First, spend time reflecting on your core values and character . You can start with these questions:

However, you should do a comprehensive brainstorming session to fully understand your values. Also consider how your values and goals match your prospective university’s program and culture. Then, brainstorm stories that illustrate the fit between the two.

When writing about yourself , including difficult experiences or failures can be a great way to show vulnerability and authenticity, but be careful not to overshare, and focus on showing how you matured from the experience.

Through specific stories, you can weave your achievements and qualities into your essay so that it doesn’t seem like you’re bragging from a resume.

Include specific, personal details and use your authentic voice to shed a new perspective on a common human experience.

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15 Tips for Writing a College Essay About Yourself

What’s covered:.

• What is the Purpose of the College Essay?
• How to Stand Out Without Showing Off
• 15 Tips for Writing an Essay About Yourself
• Where to Get Free Feedback on Your Essay

Most students who apply to top-tier colleges have exceptional grades, standardized test scores, and extracurricular activities. How do admissions officers decide which applicants to choose among all these stellar students? One way is on the strength of their college essay .

This personal statement, along with other qualitative factors like teacher recommendations, helps the admissions committee see who you really are—the person behind the transcript. So, it’s obviously important to write a great one.

What Is the Purpose of the College Essay? 

Your college essay helps you stand out in a pool of qualified candidates. If effective, it will also show the admissions committee more of your personality and allow them to get a sense of how you’ll fit in with and contribute to the student body and institution. Additionally, it will show the school that you can express yourself persuasively and clearly in writing, which is an important part of most careers, no matter where you end up. 

Typically, students must submit a personal statement (usually the Common App essay ) along with school-specific supplements. Some students are surprised to learn that essays typically count for around 25% of your entire application at the top 250 schools. That’s an enormous chunk, especially considering that, unlike your transcript and extracurriculars, it isn’t an assessment of your entire high school career.  

The purpose of the college essay is to paint a complete picture of yourself, showing admissions committees the person behind the grades and test scores. A strong college essay shows your unique experiences, personality, perspective, interests, and values—ultimately, what makes you unique. After all, people attend college, not their grades or test scores. The college essay also provides students with a considerable amount of agency in their application, empowering them to share their own stories.

How to Stand Out Without Showing Off 

It’s important to strike a balance between exploring your achievements and demonstrating humility. Your aim should be to focus on the meaning behind the experience and how it changed your outlook, not the accomplishment itself. 

Confidence without cockiness is the key here. Don’t simply catalog your achievements, there are other areas on your application to share them. Rather, mention your achievements when they’re critical to the story you’re telling. It’s helpful to think of achievements as compliments, not highlights, of your college essay.  

Take this essay excerpt , for example:

My parents’ separation allowed me the space to explore my own strengths and interests as each of them became individually busier. As early as middle school, I was riding the light rail train by myself, reading maps to get myself home, and applying to special academic programs without urging from my parents. Even as I took more initiatives on my own, my parents both continued to see me as somewhat immature. All of that changed three years ago, when I applied and was accepted to the SNYI-L summer exchange program in Morocco. I would be studying Arabic and learning my way around the city of Marrakesh. Although I think my parents were a little surprised when I told them my news, the addition of a fully-funded scholarship convinced them to let me go. 

Instead of saying “ I received this scholarship and participated in this prestigious program, ” the author tells a story, demonstrating their growth and initiative through specific actions (riding the train alone, applying academic programs on her own, etc.)—effectively showing rather than telling.

15 Tips for Writing an Essay About Yourself 

1. start early .

Leave yourself plenty of time to write your college essay—it’s stressful enough to compose a compelling essay without putting yourself under a deadline. Starting early on your essay also leaves you time to edit and refine your work, have others read your work (for example, your parents or a teacher), and carefully proofread.

2. Choose a topic that’s meaningful to you 

The foundation of a great essay is selecting a topic that has real meaning for you. If you’re passionate about the subject, the reader will feel it. Alternatively, choosing a topic you think the admissions committee is looking for, but isn’t all that important to you, won’t make for a compelling essay; it will be obvious that you’re not very invested in it.

3. Show your personality 

One of the main points of your college essay is to convey your personality. Admissions officers will see your transcript and read about the awards you’ve won, but the essay will help them get to know you as a person. Make sure your personality is evident in each part—if you are a jokester, incorporate some humor. Your friends should be able to pick your essay from an anonymous pile, read it, and recognize it as yours. In that same vein, someone who doesn’t know you at all should feel like they understand your personality after reading your essay. 

4. Write in your own voice 

In order to bring authenticity to your essay, you’ll need to write in your own voice. Don’t be overly formal (but don’t be too casual, either). Remember: you want the reader to get to know the real you, not a version of you that comes across as overly stiff or stilted. You should feel free to use contractions, incorporate dialogue, and employ vocabulary that comes naturally to you. 

5. Use specific examples 

Real, concrete stories and examples will help your essay come to life. They’ll add color to your narrative and make it more compelling for the reader. The goal, after all, is to engage your audience—the admissions committee. 

For example, instead of stating that you care about animals, you should tell us a story about how you took care of an injured stray cat. 

Consider this side-by-side comparison:

Example 1: I care deeply about animals and even once rescued a stray cat. The cat had an injured leg, and I helped nurse it back to health.

Example 2: I lost many nights of sleep trying to nurse the stray cat back to health. Its leg infection was extremely painful, and it meowed in distress up until the wee hours of the morning. I didn’t mind it though; what mattered was that the cat regained its strength. So, I stayed awake to administer its medicine and soothe it with loving ear rubs.

The second example helps us visualize this situation and is more illustrative of the writer’s personality. Because she stayed awake to care for the cat, we can infer that she is a compassionate person who cares about animals. We don’t get the same depth with the first example. 

6. Don’t be afraid to show off… 

You should always put your best foot forward—the whole point of your essay is to market yourself to colleges. This isn’t the time to be shy about your accomplishments, skills, or qualities. 

7. …While also maintaining humility 

But don’t brag. Demonstrate humility when discussing your achievements. In the example above, for instance, the author discusses her accomplishments while noting that her parents thought of her as immature. This is a great way to show humility while still highlighting that she was able to prove her parents wrong.

8. Be vulnerable 

Vulnerability goes hand in hand with humility and authenticity. Don’t shy away from exploring how your experience affected you and the feelings you experienced. This, too, will help your story come to life. 

Here’s an excerpt from a Common App essay that demonstrates vulnerability and allows us to connect with the writer:  

“You ruined my life!” After months of quiet anger, my brother finally confronted me. To my shame, I had been appallingly ignorant of his pain. 

Despite being twins, Max and I are profoundly different. Having intellectual interests from a young age that, well, interested very few of my peers, I often felt out of step in comparison with my highly-social brother. Everything appeared to come effortlessly for Max and, while we share an extremely tight bond, his frequent time away with friends left me feeling more and more alone as we grew older.

In this essay, the writer isn’t afraid to share his insecurities and feelings with us. He states that he had been “ appallingly ignorant ” of his brother’s pain, that he “ often felt out of step ” compared to his brother, and that he had felt “ more and more alone ” over time. These are all emotions that you may not necessarily share with someone you just met, but it’s exactly this vulnerability that makes the essay more raw and relatable. 

9. Don’t lie or hyperbolize 

This essay is about the authentic you. Lying or hyperbolizing to make yourself sound better will not only make your essay—and entire application—less genuine, but it will also weaken it. More than likely, it will be obvious that you’re exaggerating. Plus, if colleges later find out that you haven’t been truthful in any part of your application, it’s grounds for revoking your acceptance or even expulsion if you’ve already matriculated. 

10. Avoid cliches 

How the COVID-19 pandemic changed your life. A sports victory as a metaphor for your journey. How a pet death altered your entire outlook. Admissions officers have seen more essays on these topics than they can possibly count. Unless you have a truly unique angle, then it’s in your best interest to avoid them. Learn which topics are cliche and how to fix them . 

11. Proofread 

This is a critical step. Even a small error can break your essay, however amazing it is otherwise. Make sure you read it over carefully, and get another set of eyes (or two or three other sets of eyes), just in case.

12. Abstain from using AI

There are a handful of good reasons to avoid using artificial intelligence (AI) to write your college essay. Most importantly, it’s dishonest and likely to be not very good; AI-generated essays are generally formulaic, generic, and boring—everything you’re trying to avoid being.   The purpose of the college essay is to share what makes you unique and highlight your personal experiences and perspectives, something that AI can’t capture.

13. Use parents as advisors, not editors

The voice of an adult is different from that of a high schooler and admissions committees are experts at spotting the writing of parents. Parents can play a valuable role in creating your college essay—advising, proofreading, and providing encouragement during those stressful moments. However, they should not write or edit your college essay with their words.

14. Have a hook

Admissions committees have a lot of essays to read and getting their attention is essential for standing out among a crowded field of applicants. A great hook captures your reader’s imagination and encourages them to keep reading your essay. Start strong, first impressions are everything!

15. Give them something to remember

The ending of your college essay is just as important as the beginning. Give your reader something to remember by composing an engaging and punchy paragraph or line—called a kicker in journalism—that ties everything you’ve written above together.

Where to Get Free Feedback on Your College Essay 

Before you send off your application, make sure you get feedback from a trusted source on your essay. CollegeVine’s free peer essay review will give you the support you need to ensure you’ve effectively presented your personality and accomplishments. Our expert essay review pairs you with an advisor to help you refine your writing, submit your best work, and boost your chances of getting into your dream school. Find the right advisor for you and get started on honing a winning essay.

Related CollegeVine Blog Posts

Essays About Myself: Top 5 Essay Examples Plus Prompts

We are all unique individuals, each with traits, skills, and qualities we should be proud of. Here are examples and prompts on essays about myself .

It is good to reflect on ourselves from time to time. When applying for university or a new job, you may be asked to write about yourself to give the institution a better picture of yourself. Self-understanding and reflection are essential if you want to make a compelling argument for yourself.

Reflect on your life: look back on the people you’ve met, the places you’ve been, and the experiences you’ve had, and think about how they have shaped you into the person you have become today. Think of the bigger picture and be sure to consider who you are based on what others think and say about you, not just who you think you are. 

If you are tasked with the prompt, “essays about myself,” keep reading to see some essay examples.

1. It’s My Life by Ann Smith

2. how i see myself by leticia woods, 3. the truth about myself by madeline dyer, 4. what we see in others is a reflection of ourselves by sandra brossman, 5. a letter to myself by gladys mclaughlin, 1. introducing yourself, 2. describing your strengths and weaknesses, 3. what sets you apart from others, 4. your beliefs and values, 5. an experience that has defined you as a person, 6. what family means to you, 7. your favorite pasttime.

“Sure, I’ve had bad experiences in my life too, but this is exactly what made me the way I am now: grateful, full of love, with a desire to study well because it will help me become a successful person in future and have a high quality of life. I believe that it is manifesting day by day and I feel even more responsibility for what I do and where I go. With all I already have, I know that I’m on the right path and I will do my best to inspire others to live the way they feel like living as well.”

In her essay, Smith describes her interests, habits, and qualities. She writes that she is sociable, enthusiastic about studying, and friendly. She also touches on others’ opinions of her- that she is funny. One of Smith’s hobbies is photography, which allowed her to meet her best friend. She aims to study hard so she can be successful on whatever path she may follow, and inspire others to live their best life. 

“It is this drive that will carry me through my degree program and allow me to absorb the education that I receive and develop solid practical applications from this knowledge. I feel that I will eventually become highly successful in my chosen field because my past has clearly shown my commitment to excellence in every endeavor that I have chosen. Because I remain incredibly focused and committed for future success, I know that my future will be as rewarding as my past.”

Woods discusses how her identity helps her achieve her career goals. First, her commitment to her education is a great asset. Second, prior education and her service in the US Air Force allowed her to learn much about life, the world, and herself, and she was able to learn about different cultures. She believes that experience, devotion, and knowledge will allow her to achieve her dreams. 

“I’m getting better as I recover from the brain inflammation which caused my OCD, but I want to have a day like that. A day where I can relax and enjoy life fully again. A day where I haven’t a care in the world. And for that, I need to be kind to myself. I need to relax and remove any pressure I place on myself.”

Dyer reflects on an important part of herself- her Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. Brain inflammation has made her a perfectionist, and she cannot relax. She is constantly compelled by an inner voice to do things she “should” be doing. She wants to be happy, and will try to shut off this voice by practicing self-affirmation. You might also be interested in these essays about discovering yourself .

“Believe it or not, forgiving YOURSELF is the most effective way to disengage from negative interactions with people.  We can only love and accept others to the degree that we love and accept ourselves.  When you make it a habit to learn from your relationships, eventually you will discover that you can observe negative traits within others without judgment and without getting hooked into someone else’s drama.”

In her essay, Brossman writes how we see what we desire for ourselves in others. Our relationships help us understand ourselves better; we see people’s bad qualities and criticize them, professing that we will not be like them. On the other hand, we see qualities we like and try to imitate them. To become a better version of yourself, you should learn from your relationships and emulate desirable qualities. 

“I never tell anyone that I am tired of work or study. Success will come to those who get up and go far. This is my life motto which always reminds me of how vital it is to be hard-working and resilient towards failures. I learn that no matter what others say (even mother and father) if their

thoughts contradict my goals, I don’t have to listen to them. Nobody will live your life, and nobody should tell you who you are and what you are.”

Mclaughlin writes a letter to her future self, explaining what she envisions for herself in the coming years. She writes about who she is now and describes her vision for how much better she will be in the future. She believes that she will have great encounters that will teach her about life, a loving, kind family, and an independent spirit that will triumph over all her struggles

Writing Prompts For Essays About Myself

Write a basic description of yourself; describe where you live, your school or job, and your family and friends. You should also give readers a glimpse of your personality- are you outgoing, shy, or sporty? If you want to write more, you can also briefly explain your hobbies, interests, and skills. 

Each of us has our own strengths and weaknesses. Reflect on what you are good at and what you can improve on and select 1-2 from each to write about. Discuss what you can do to work on your weaknesses and improve yourself. 

An essential part of yourself is your uniqueness; for a strong essay about “myself,” think about beliefs, qualities, or values that set you apart from others. Write about one or more, but be sure to explain your choices clearly. You can write about what separates you in the context of your family, friend group, culture, or even society as a whole. 

Your beliefs and values are at the core of your being, as they guide the decisions you make every day. Discuss some of your basic beliefs and values and explain why they are important to you. For a stronger essay, be sure to explain how you use these in day-to-day life; give concrete examples of situations in which these beliefs and values are used. 

We are all shaped by our past experiences. Reflect on an experience, whether that be an achievement, setback, or just a fun memory, and explain its significance to you. Retell the story in detail and describe how it has impacted you and helped make you the person you are today. 

More often than not, family plays a big role in forming us. To give readers a better idea of your identity, describe your idea of family. Discuss its significance, impact, and role in your life. You may also choose to write about how your family has helped shape you into who you are. This should be based on personal experience; refrain from using external sources to inspire you.

Our likes and dislikes are an important part of who we are as well; in your essay, discuss a hobby of yours, preferably one you have been interested in for a long period of time, and explain why you enjoy it so much. You should also write about how it has helped you become yourself and made you a better person.  

Grammarly is one of our top grammar checkers. Find out why in this Grammarly review . If you’re stuck picking your next essay topic, check out our round-up of essay topics about education .

Martin is an avid writer specializing in editing and proofreading. He also enjoys literary analysis and writing about food and travel.

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Essay on Myself: 100 Words, 250 Words and 300 Words

• Updated on  
• Mar 12, 2024

Every Individual is different from each other and it is important to self-analyze and know about yourself. Only you can know everything about yourself. But, when it comes to describing yourself in front of others many students fail to do so. This happens due to the confusion generated by a student’s mind regarding what things to include in their description. This confusion never arises when someone is told to give any opinion about others. This blog will help students and children resolve the confusion and it also includes an essay on myself. 

While writing an “essay on myself” you should have a unique style so that the reader would engage in your essay. It’s important to induce the urge to know about you in the reader then only you can perform well in your class. I would suggest you include your qualities, strengths, achievements, interests, and passion in your essay. Continue Reading for Essays on myself for children and students!

Quick Read: Speech on Earth Day

Table of Contents

• 1 Long and Short Essay on Myself for Students
• 2 Tips to Write Essay on Myself
• 3 100 Words Essay on Myself
• 4 250 Words Essay on Myself
• 5 10 Lines on Myself Essay for Children
• 6 300 Words Essay on Myself

Quick Read: English Essay Topics

Long and Short Essay on Myself for Students

Mentioned below are essays on myself with variable word limits. You can choose the essay that you want to present in your class. These essays are drafted in simple language so that school students can easily understand. In addition, the main point to remember while writing an essay on myself is to be honest. Your honesty will help you connect with the reader.

Tell me about yourself is also one of the most important questions asked in the interview process. Therefore, this blog is very helpful for people who want to learn about how to write an essay on myself.

Tips to Write Essay on Myself

Given below are some tips to write an essay on myself:

• Prepare a basic outline of what to include in the essay about yourself.
• Stick to the structure to maintain fluency.
• Be honest to build a connection with the reader.
• Use simple language.
• Try to include a crisp and clear conclusion.

100 Words Essay on Myself

I am a dedicated person with an urge to learn and grow. My name is Rakul, and I feel life is a journey that leads to self-discovery. I belong to a middle-class family, my father is a handloom businessman, and my mother is a primary school teacher .

I have learned punctuality and discipline are the two wheels that drive our life on a positive path. My mother is my role model. I am passionate about reading novels. When I was younger, my grandmother used to narrate stories about her life in the past and that has built my interest towards reading stories and novels related to history.

Overall I am an optimistic person who looks forward to life as a subject that teaches us values and ways to live for the upliftment of society.

Also Read: Speech on Discipline

250 Words Essay on Myself

My name is Ayushi Singh but my mother calls me “Ayu”. I turned 12 years old this August and I study in class 7th. I have an elder sister named Aishwarya. She is like a second mother to me. I have a group of friends at school and out of them Manvi is my best friend. She visits my house at weekends and we play outdoor games together. I believe in her and I can share anything with her.

Science and technology fascinate me so I took part in an interschool science competition in which my team of 4 girls worked on a 3-D model of the earth representing past, present, and future. It took us a week to finish off the project and we presented the model at Ghaziabad school. We were competing against 30 teams and we won the competition.

I was confident and determined about the fact that we could win because my passion helped me give my 100% input in the task. Though I have skills in certain subjects I don’t have to excel in everything, I struggle to perform well in mathematics . And to enhance my problem-solving skills I used to study maths 2 hours a day. 

I wanted to become a scientist, and being punctual and attentive are my characteristics as I never arrive late for school. Generally, I do my work on my own so that I inculcate the value of being an independent person. I always help other people when they are in difficult situations. 

Also Read: Essay on the Importance of the Internet

10 Lines on Myself Essay for Children

Here are 10 lines on myself essay for children. Feel free to add them to similar essay topics.

• My name is Ananya Rathor and I am 10 years old.
• I like painting and playing with my dog, Todo.
• Reading animal books is one of my favourite activities.
• I love drawing and colouring to express my imagination.
• I always find joy in spending time outdoors, feeling the breeze on my face.
• I love dancing to Indian classical music.
• I’m always ready for an adventure, whether it’s trying a new hobby or discovering interesting facts.
• Animals are my friends, and I enjoy spending time with pets or observing nature’s creatures.
• I am a very kind person and I respect everyone.
• All of my school teachers love me.

300 Words Essay on Myself

My name is Rakul. I believe that every individual has unique characteristics which distinguish them from others. To be unique you must have an extraordinary spark or skill. I live with my family and my family members taught me to live together, adjust, help others, and be humble. Apart from this, I am an energetic person who loves to play badminton.

I have recently joined Kathak classes because I have an inclination towards dance and music, especially folk dance and classical music. I believe that owing to the diversity of our country India, it offers us a lot of opportunities to learn and gain expertise in various sectors.

My great-grandfather was a classical singer and he also used to play several musical instruments. His achievements and stories have inspired me to learn more about Indian culture and make him proud. 

I am a punctual and studious person because I believe that education is the key to success. Academic excellence could make our careers shine bright. Recently I secured second position in my class and my teachers and family members were so proud of my achievement. 

I can manage my time because my mother taught me that time waits for no one. It is important to make correct use of time to succeed in life. If we value time, then only time will value us. My ambition in life is to become a successful gynaecologist and serve for human society.

Hence, these are the qualities that describe me the best. Though no one can present themselves in a few words still I tried to give a brief about myself through this essay. In my opinion, life is meant to be lived with utmost happiness and an aim to serve humanity. Thus, keep this in mind, I will always try to help others and be the best version of myself.

Also Read: Essay on Education System

A. Brainstorm Create a format Stick to the format Be vulnerable Be honest Figure out what things to include Incorporate your strengths, achievements, and future goals into the essay

A. In an essay, you can use words like determined, hardworking, punctual, sincere, and objective-oriented to describe yourself in words.

A. Use simple and easy language. Include things about your family, career, education, and future goals. Lastly, add a conclusion paragraph.

This was all about an essay on myself. The skill of writing an essay comes in handy when appearing for standardized language tests. Thinking of taking one soon? Leverage Live provides the best online test prep for the same. Register today and if you wish to study abroad then contact our experts at 1800572000 .

Kajal Thareja

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Knowing Yourself

• April 2, 2021
• No Comments

    “Knowing yourself is the beginning of all wisdom.” ~ Aristotle

The above saying is a very ancient one, but its meaning has not lost its value. The wisdom it conveys can find application in each one of us, in every activity of our everyday life, for every human being, no matter who they are, what social class they belong to, their gender, the professions they have, or their different skills, without excluding anyone. Even in our modern era, it can find application in everyday life and activities such as education, mental health, or the relationship we build with one another.

The meaning and importance of knowing yourself

But what does it mean to know yourself? How can we achieve that? Where will it lead ? How much does it matter in our everyday life? Learning to know yourself is a long journey. It consists of delving into your past and reflecting on how your life has evolved. The choices and decisions you have made, and what affected you to make those decisions. It means knowing and reflecting on the traits of your character and personality. Knowing yourself means knowing the real you, not just the one you present to the world. Living your life to the fullest cannot happen unless you know yourself and the position you deserve, or more appropriately, what you can achieve. Your character and values you have, your passions and fears, your strengths and weaknesses. During the journey of knowing yourself, you will find the true meaning of your life, you will learn the true wisdom which serves to live a successful and meaningful life.

The most important enterprise in your life is to be able to discover who you truly are. Many people live their lives without knowing or hearing the inner critic that gives wrong ideas about themselves. To find yourself might seem like an inherently self-centered goal, but in fact, it is the most decent process which is the root of everyday life activity. In our interactions with the people and the world, we have to know first our values and what we have to offer. It is a journey worth taking for all of us. It is a process that involves understanding and breaking down your defects which do not represent who you actually are, and recognizing who you want to be in order to fulfill your destiny.  It means to recognize your values and skills, but without closing your eyes on your flaws.  Finding yourself should not be something to fear.

A really good similitude for knowing yourself can be placing yourself on a journey where you definitely need a map to take that journey. Without it, you cannot succeed. Only those who know who they are and their true value in society cannot be disorientated by the different challenges and problems they will face in the journey of their life. This journey you are not going to do alone, you have to mingle yourself with people and cooperate with them. Knowing, accepting, and loving yourself is more important than trying to please the world and seeking their love and approval.

Understanding your values and life

To better understand and get to know yourself, it is important to understand your values and aspirations. You cannot move to action without having evaluated your situation first. Everything has its importance, whether it may be money, power, career, family, or status you want to have in society. If you need to make a decision your values will serve as a signpost to guide you where you want to go. Once everything is clear in your mind and you have set your goals for yourself, you can take that action, for as Toni Collete stated: “The better you know yourself, the better your relationship with the rest of the world.”

Techniques for knowing yourself

There are many techniques to know yourself, e.g personality tests, writing a journal, consulting a therapist, taking into consideration the opinions of those who love you and those who don’t or meditating on your life, your past, your childhood, your upbringing, the choices and decisions you made, the inner and outer factors.  Meditation is a very old technique that has helped many human beings to find themselves, to heal their minds. Bryant McGill an American author has wisely stated “Connecting with yourself and knowing yourself is a monumental and life-changing event. To Buddhism practices, meditation can be a solution for our chaotic minds, emptying them of their content, to draw away the disturbing and unfocused objects of consciousness.

Philosophical meditation, on the other hand, wants our thoughts, feelings, and anxieties to trouble us less, it tries to sort out our minds in a different way. While Buddhist meditation tries to empty our minds of their negative content, philosophical meditation tries to clean these minds up: they want to bring the content that worries us more securely into focus, trying to calm us by having a better understanding of them rather than trying to evacuate. Philosophical Meditation brings us peace of mind not by removing issues, but by helping us to have a better understanding of them, therefore letting go of some of our paranoia and static that might cling to them. This technique does not make problems disappear, but they can assume a different proportion and can be managed. In a kind of way it helps you have a different approach toward them.

Reflecting on the past

Our past can reveal who we are, and the factors that led us to what we are today. If we don’t take the courage to explore our past, we cannot understand ourselves and become what we aspire.  Research has shown that our experiences and how we make sense of them define who we become. Unresolved traumas from our history, explain our behavior today. Life story coherence has a “statistically significant relationship to psychological well-being.” Dr. Daniel Siegel explains that  the more we form a “coherent narrative” of our lives, we will be better capable of making mindful, and conscious decisions in our present lives that represent our true selves.

The environment we grew up in, and the way parents and people have treated us as children affect ourselves in what we become. Painful life experiences quite often determine how we define and defend ourselves. In simple words they bend us out of shape, influencing our behavior in something we are not conscious of. For example, a harsh parent might make us feel more guarded. In adulthood, it can limit us in many areas. In order to break free from this pattern of behavior, we need to understand what causes it.  A doctor or therapist can help you to know yourself, but he cannot make your journey for you, you have to look and reflect in your inner world, in your past, how you were treated, what were your reactions. Jaggi Vasudev has shared with us his precious and wise advice: “Knowing yourself has to always come from within. The outside can inspire or guide you, but knowing has to come from within you.”

Understanding yourself leading to a better understanding of  others 

Using a technique called mindsight, “Focusing attention which allows us to see the internal workings of our own mind,” Dr. Siegel was able to better understand his experiences, then talk to his son in order to repair the situation. He states that through this technique, he could use reflections from that conflict to reach a more clear insight from his own childhood experiences. In this way, the most challenging moments of our life can serve us to better understand ourselves and connect with others. This kind of thinking and willingness to face past memories give us valuable insight into our behavior. This would lead us to consciously break free from those harmful influences and alter our behavior to what we want to be in the world.

Carl Jung who is one of the most prominent figures in the science of medicine, specialized in the field of mental health, has given us insight on how knowing yourself can help heal ourselves and others. “Knowing your own darkness is the best method for dealing with the darknesses of other people. One does not become enlightened by imagining figures of light, but by making the darkness conscious. The most terrifying thing is to accept oneself completely. Your visions will become clear only when you can look into your own heart. Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakes.”

When you develop a better understanding of yourself, this will improve your capacity to understand better the thoughts and feelings of other people. Knowing yourself is not an ego journey, learning to place yourself in other people’s shoes is a useful social skill in daily life that could be important to gain and promote cross-cultural understanding in society.  People say that when we will be able to know ourselves, then we can know the world. We can see the goodness in each other, and accept life the way it is, that we are truly connected human beings.

Change as a tool for developing yourself

We need to reflect on how we will change and adapt to a person who knows himself. It is obvious that what people know is known to them, but still, we might be able to identify something of what they know. If someone is well aware of who he is, his character with its positive and negative qualities, this would lead to a change in his behavior. Being self aware will have an impact on someone’s life. Self knowledge is not a set of statements that one gives assent to, but it is a set of capacities for dealing with life and the reality we live in.  Someone who knows himself will not blame others for their troubles. They feel all the negative emotions, such as anger, anxiety, or becoming upset. But they do not find answers and explanations on outer factors and other people, rather they first take a look at themselves and what their responsibility is. They feel all the negative emotions in their life, they are not perfect, nor is their life perfect. They cope fairly well with criticism. Their great self-knowledge enables them to better face their fears. They can look deep into themselves and the evolution of their personality. What affected their decisions and the reasons behind them. Since they can understand themselves better, this leads to gaining a better understanding of others as well. Knowing yourself means to understand all the traits of your personality, and accept them for what they are. It means accepting life for what it is.

A well-known psychologist, Virginia Satir has shared with us her knowledge and wisdom about knowing ourselves and whose responsibility it is to achieve that. She perfectly stated: “I am me. In all the world, there is no one else exactly like me. Everything that comes out of me is authentically mine, because I alone chose it — I own everything about me: my body, my feelings, my mouth, my voice, all my actions, whether they be to others or myself. I own my fantasies, my dreams, my hopes, my fears. I own my triumphs and successes, all my failures and mistakes. Because I own all of me, I can become intimately acquainted with me. By doing so, I can love myself and be friendly with all my parts. I know there are aspects about myself that puzzle me, and other aspects that I do not know — but as long as I am friendly and loving to myself, I can courageously and hopefully look for solutions to the puzzles and ways to find out more about me. However I look and sound, whatever I say and do, and whatever I think and feel at a given moment in time is authentically me. If later some parts of how I looked, sounded, thought, and felt turn out to be unfitting, I can discard that which is unfitting, keep the rest, and invent something new for that which I discarded. I can see, hear, feel, think, say, and do. I have the tools to survive, to be close to others, to be productive, and to make sense and order out of the world of people and things outside of me. I own me, and therefore, I can engineer myself. I am me, and I am okay.”

The problems we deal with in everyday life are the challenges of the reality we live in; to find their solutions, we must first look for them inside us. If we know ourselves, we can improve our character, who we are, and where we want to be. We can create better relationships with the outside world. Within ourselves, we can find the long-awaited answers to our questions. Man faces plenty of challenges and problems in his course of life. It is up to him to turn them to his advantage. The optimist always sees for every problem an opportunity, while the pessimist sees an obstacle in every possibility.  You must not blame the outside world for every failure of yours when your inner world is destroyed. The more you know yourself, the easier it is to develop yourself and your potential. You have to know yourself with its positive aspects and flaws; you have to understand yourself first, then you will be able to understand the people around you properly. Only then will you see reality for what it truly is. Improvement cannot happen without knowing, understanding, and accepting who you are, neither living a meaningful life. 

We will conclude with the wise words of Maulana Rumi that summarize all we tried to explain: “Everything in the universe is within you. Ask all from yourself.”

References:

• A Guide to Finding Yourself,  SELF DEVELOPMENT, BY PsychAlive, https://www.psychalive.org/finding-yourself/ . 
• Aristotle quoted in goodreads, “Knowing yourself is the beginning of all wisdom.” https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/3102-knowing-yourself-is-the-beginning-of-all-wisdom
• Carl Jung, quoted in AZQUOTES, https://www.azquotes.com/author/7659-Carl_Jung/tag/darkness
• Collete, Toni. ”The better you know yourself, the better your relationship with the rest of the world.”Quotes>Authors>T>Toni Collete, AZQUOTES,   https://www.azquotes.com/quotes/topics/know-yourself.html
• Daley, Terri. Want to be happy ? Try to get to know your self, THE CONVERSATION. https://theconversation.com/want-to-be-happier-try-getting-to-know-yourself-109451
• Divinity, Jeremy. Know Thyself: A Short Essay on The Importance of Knowing,  medium.com Apr, 3 2017.  https://medium.com/@jeremydivinity/know-thyself-a-short-essay-on-the-importance-of-knowing-4f9a92255236
• Jaggi Vasudev. “Knowing yourself has to always come from within. The outside can inspire or guide you, but knowing has to come from within you.” quotefancy.  
• https:// quotefancy.com/quote/1534421/Jaggi-Vasudev-Knowing-yourself-has-to-always-come-from-within-The-outside-can-inspire-or#:~:text=…%E2%80%9D%20
• Jensen, Maria. How to know yourself and seek self improvement, Lifehack,  November 4, 2020. https://www.lifehack.org/822901/know-yourself-and-seek-self-improvement
• Know Yourself, Self Knowledge, THESCHOOLOFLIFE, \ https://www.theschooloflife.com/thebookoflife/know-yourself/   
• McGill, Bryant. “Connecting with yourself and knowing yourself is a monumental and life changing event” Quote Master https://www.quotemaster.org/qc558fb955d532337c3774514873600e0
• Nierenberg, Cari. Knowing Yourself: How to Improve YourUnderstainding of Others, LIVESICIENCE, June 02, 2017.  https://www.livescience.com/59349-knowing-yourself-helps-your-understand-others.html
• Rawat, Prem. The Importance of Knowing yourself, TimelessTodayt, Oct 09, 2019 https://www.timelesstoday.tv/the-importance-of-knowing-yourself
• Rumi quote,  Everything in the universe is within you. Ask all from yourself.” Goodreads https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/121070-everything-in-the-universe-is-within-you-ask-all-from
• The Importance of Knowing Yourself, habitsforwellbeing,  https://www.habitsforwellbeing.com/importance-knowing/
• The Importance of Knowing Yourself, THEHELLYEAHGROUB, December 5, 2016. https://thehellyeahgroup.com/blog/2016/6/28/the-importance-of-knowing-yourself
• Virginia Satir quoted in goodreads,  https://www.goodreads.com/author/quotes/312508.Virginia_Satir#:~:text=%E2%80%9CI%20am%20Me.,be%20to%20others%20or%20myself .

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August 7, 2018 | Kenneth Best - UConn Communications

Know Thyself: The Philosophy of Self-Knowledge

Dating back to an ancient Greek inscription, the injunction to 'know thyself' has encouraged people to engage in a search for self-understanding. Philosophy professor Mitchell Green discusses its history and relevance to the present.

From Socrates to today's undergraduates, philosophy professor Mitchell Green discusses the history and current relevance of the human quest for self-knowledge. (Getty Images)

UConn philosopher Mitchell S. Green leads a Massive Open Online Course (MOOC) titled Know Thyself: The Value and Limits of Self-Knowledge  on the online learning platform Coursera. The course is based on his 2018 book (published by Routledge) of the same name. He recently spoke with Ken Best of UConn Today about the philosophy and understanding of self-knowledge. This is an edited transcript of their discussion.

Q. ‘Know Thyself’ was carved into stone at the entrance to Apollo’s temple at Delphi in Greece, according to legend. Scholars, philosophers, and civilizations have debated this question for a long time. Why have we not been able to find the answer?

A. I’m not sure that every civilization or even most civilizations have taken the goal to achieve self-knowledge as being among the most important ones. It comes and goes. It did have cachet in the Greece of 300-400 BC. Whether it had similar cachet 200 years later or had something like cultural importance in the heyday of Roman civilization is another question. Of course some philosophers would have enjoined people to engage in a search for self-understanding; some not so much. Likewise, think about the Middle Ages. There’s a case in which we don’t get a whole lot of emphasis on knowing the self, instead the focus was on knowing God. It’s only when Descartes comes on the scene centuries later that we begin to get more of a focus on introspection and understanding ourselves by looking within. Also, the injunction to “know thyself” is not a question, and would have to be modified in some way to pose a question. However, suppose the question is, “Is it possible to know oneself, either in part or fully.” In that case, I’d suggest that we’ve made considerable progress in answering this question over the last two millennia, and in the Know Thyself book, and in the MOOC of the same name, I try to guide readers and students through some of what we have learned.

Q. You point out that the shift Descartes brought about is a turning point in Western philosophy.

A. Right. It’s for various reasons cultural, political, economic, and ideological that the norm of self-knowledge has come and gone with the tides through Western history. Even if we had been constantly enjoined to achieve self-knowledge for the 2,300 years since the time Socrates spoke, just as Sigmund Freud said about civilization – that civilization is constantly being created anew and everyone being born has to work their way up to being civilized being – so, too, the project of achieving self-knowledge is a project for every single new member of our species. No one can be given it at birth. It’s not an achievement you get for free like a high IQ or a prominent chin. Continuing to beat that drum, to remind people of the importance of that, is something we’ll always be doing. I’m doubtful we’ll ever reach a point we can all say: Yup, we’re good on that. We’ve got that covered, we’ve got self-knowledge down. That’s a challenge for each of us, every time somebody is born. I would also say, given the ambient, environmental factors as well as the predilections that we’re born with as part of our cognitive and genetic nature, there are probably pressures that push against self-knowledge as well. For instance, in the book I talk about the cognitive immune system that tends to make us spin information in our own favor. When something goes bad, there’s a certain part of us, hopefully within bounds, that tends to see the glass as half full rather than half empty. That’s probably a good way of getting yourself up off the floor after you’ve been knocked down.

Q. Retirement planners tell us you’re supposed to know yourself well enough to know what your needs are going to be – create art or music, or travel – when you have all of your time to use. At what point should that point of getting to know yourself better begin?

A. I wouldn’t encourage a 9-year-old to engage in a whole lot of self-scrutiny, but I would say even when you’re young some of those indirect, especially self-distancing, types of activities, can be of value. Imagine a 9-year-old gets in a fight on the playground and a teacher asks him: Given what you said to the other kid that provoked the fight, if he had said that to you, how would you feel? That might be intended to provoke an inkling of self-knowledge – if not in the form of introspection, in the form of developing empathetic skills, which I think is part of self-knowledge because it allows me to see myself through another’s eyes. Toward the other end of the lifespan, I’d also say in my experience lots of people who are in, or near, retirement have the idea they’re going to stop working and be really happy. But I find in some cases that this expectation is not realistic because so many people find so much fulfillment, and rightly so, in their work. I would urge people to think about what it is that gives them satisfaction? Granted we sometimes find ourselves spitting nails as we think about the challenges our jobs present to us. But in some ways that frequent grumbling, the kind of hair-pulling stress and so forth, these might be part of what makes life fulfilling. More importantly, long-term projects, whether as part of one’s career or post-career, tend I think to provide more intellectual and emotional sustenance than do the more ephemeral activities such as cruises, safaris, and the like.

Q. We’re on a college campus with undergraduates trying to learn more about themselves through what they’re studying. They’re making decisions on what they might want to do with the rest of their life, taking classes like philosophy that encourage them to think about this. Is this an optimal time for this to take place?

A. For many students it’s an optimal time. I consider one component of a liberal arts education to be that of cultivation of the self. Learning a lot of stuff is important, but in some ways that’s just filling, which might be inert unless we give it form, or structure. These things can be achieved through cultivation of the self, and if you want to do that you have to have some idea of how you want it to grow and develop, which requires some inkling of what kind of person you think you are and what you think you can be. Those are achievements that students can only attain by trying things and seeing what happens. I am not suggesting that a freshman should come to college and plan in some rigorous and lockstep way to learn about themselves, cultivate themselves, and bring themselves into fruition as some fully formed adult upon graduation. Rather, there is much more messiness; much more unpredictable try things, it doesn’t work, throw it aside, try something else. In spite of all that messiness and ambient chaos, I would also say in the midst of that there is potential for learning about yourself; taking note of what didn’t go well, what can I learn from that? Or that was really cool, I’d like to build on that experience and do more of it. Those are all good ways of both learning about yourself and constructing yourself. Those two things can go hand-in-hand. Self-knowledge, self-realization, and self-scrutiny can happen, albeit in an often messy and unpredictable way for undergraduates. It’s also illusory for us to think at age 22 we can put on our business clothes and go to work and stop with all that frivolous self-examination. I would urge that acquiring knowledge about yourself, understanding yourself is a lifelong task.

Q. There is the idea that you should learn something new every day. A lot of people who go through college come to understand this, while some think after graduation, I’m done with that. Early in the book, you talk about Socrates’ defense of himself when accused of corrupting students by teaching them in saying: I know what I don’t know, which is why I ask questions.

It seems to me the beginning of wisdom of any kind, including knowledge of ourselves, is acknowledgment of the infirmity of our beliefs and the paucity of our knowledge. — Mitchell S. Green

A. That’s very important insight on his part. That’s something I would be inclined to yell from the rooftops, in the sense that one big barrier to achieving anything in the direction of self-knowledge is hubris, thinking that we do know, often confusing our confidence in our opinions with thinking that confidence is an indication of my degree of correctness. We feel sure, and take that surety itself to be evidence of the truth of what we think. Socrates is right to say that’s a cognitive error, that’s fallacious reasoning. We should ask ourselves: Do I know what I take myself to know? It seems to me the beginning of wisdom of any kind, including knowledge of ourselves, is acknowledgment of the infirmity of our beliefs and the paucity of our knowledge; the fact that opinions we have might just be opinions. It’s always astonishing to me the disparity between the confidence with which people express their opinions, on one hand, and the negligible ability they have to back them up, especially those opinions that go beyond just whether they’re hungry or prefer chocolate over vanilla. Those are things over which you can probably have pretty confident opinions. But when it comes to politics or science, history or human psychology, it’s surprising to me just how gullible people are, not because they believe what other people say, so to speak, but rather they believe what they themselves say. They tend to just say: Here is what I think. It seems obvious to me and I’m not willing to even consider skeptical objections to my position.

Q. You also bring into the fold the theory of adaptive unconscious – that we observe and pick up information but we don’t realize it at the time. How much does that feed into people thinking that they know themselves better than they do and know more than they think they do?

A. It’s huge. There’s a chapter in the book on classical psychoanalysis and Freud. I argue that the Freudian legacy is a broken one, in the sense that while his work is incredibly interesting – he made a lot of provocative and ingenious claims interesting – surprisingly few of them have been borne out with empirical evidence. This is a less controversial view than it was in the past. Experimental psychologists in the 1970s and 80s began to ask how many of those Freudian claims about the unconscious can be established in a rigorous, experimental way? The theory of the adaptive unconscious is an attempt to do that; to find out how much of the unconscious mind that Freud posited is real, and what is it like. One of the main findings is that the unconscious mind is not quite as bound up, obsessed with, sexuality and violence as posited by Freud. It’s still a very powerful system, but not necessarily a thing to be kept at bay in the way psychoanalysis would have said. According to Freud, a great deal with the unconscious poses a constant threat to the well-functioning of civilized society, whereas for people like Tim Wilson, Tanya Chartrand, Daniel Gilbert, Joseph LeDoux, Paul Ekman, and many others, we’ve got a view that says that in many ways having an adaptive unconsciousness is a useful thing, an outsourcing of lots of cognition. It allows us to process information, interpret it, without having to consciously, painstakingly, and deliberately calculate things. It’s really good in many ways that we have adaptive unconscious. On the other hand, it tends to predispose us, for example, to things like prejudice. Today there is a discussion about so-called implicit bias, which has taught us that because we grew up watching Hollywood movies where protagonist heroes were white or male, or both; saw stereotypes in advertising that have been promulgated – that experience, even if I have never had a consciously bigoted, racist, or sexist thought in my life, can still cause me to make choices that are biased. That’s a part of the message on the theory of adaptive unconscious we would want to take very seriously and be worried about, because it can affect our choices in ways that we’re not aware of.

Q. With all of this we’ve discussed, what kind of person would know themselves well?

A. Knowing oneself well would, I suspect, be a multi-faceted affair, only one part of which would have to do with introspection as that notion is commonly understood. One of these facets involves acknowledging your limitations, “owning them” as my Department of Philosophy colleague Heather Battaly would put it. Those limitations can be cognitive – my lousy memory that distorts information, my tendency to sugarcoat any bad news I may happen to receive? Take the example of a professor reading student evaluations. It’s easy to forget the negative ones and remember the positive ones – a case of “confirmation bias,” as that term is used in psychology. Knowing that I tend to do that, if that’s what I tend to do, allows me to take a second look, as painful as it might be. Again, am I overly critical of others? Do I tend to look at the glass as overly half full or overly half empty? Those are all limitations of the emotional kind, or at least have an important affective dimension. I suspect a person who knows herself well knows how to spot the characteristic ways in which she “spins” or otherwise distorts positive or negative information, and can then step back from such reactions, rather than taking them as the last word.

I’d also go back to empathy, knowing how to see things from another person’s point of view. It is not guaranteed to, but is often apt to allow me to see myself more effectively, too. If I can to some extent put myself into your shoes, then I also have the chance to be able to see myself through your eyes and that might get me to realize things difficult to see from the first-person perspective. Empathizing with others who know me might, for instance, help to understand why they sometimes find me overbearing, cloying, or quick to judge.

Q. What would someone gain in self-knowledge by listening to someone appraising them and speaking to them about how well they knew them? How does that dynamic help?

A. It can help, but it also can be shocking. Experiments have suggested other people’s assessments of an individual can often be very out of line with that person’s self-assessment. It’s not clear those other person’s assessments are less accurate – in some cases they’re more accurate – as determined by relatively well-established objective psychological assessments. Third-person assessments can be both difficult to swallow – bitter medicine – and also extremely valuable. Because they’re difficult to swallow, I would suggest taking them in small doses. But they can help us to learn about ourselves such things as that we can be unaccountably solicitous, or petty, or prone to one-up others, or thick-skinned. I’ve sometimes found myself thinking while speaking to someone, “If you could hear yourself talking right now, you might come to realize …” Humblebragging is a case in point, in which someone is ostensibly complaining about a problem, but the subtext of what they’re saying might be self-promoting as well.

All this has implications for those of us who teach. At the end of the semester I encourage my graduate assistants to read course evaluations; not to read them all at once, but instead try to take one suggestion from those evaluations that they can work on going into the next semester. I try to do the same. I would not, however, expect there ever to be a point at which one could say, “Ah! Now I fully know myself.” Instead, this is more likely a process that we can pursue, and continue to benefit from, our entire lives.

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Crying Myself to Sleep on the Biggest Cruise Ship Ever

Seven agonizing nights aboard the Icon of the Seas

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Updated at 2:44 p.m. ET on April 6, 2024.

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MY FIRST GLIMPSE of Royal Caribbean’s Icon of the Seas, from the window of an approaching Miami cab, brings on a feeling of vertigo, nausea, amazement, and distress. I shut my eyes in defense, as my brain tells my optic nerve to try again.

The ship makes no sense, vertically or horizontally. It makes no sense on sea, or on land, or in outer space. It looks like a hodgepodge of domes and minarets, tubes and canopies, like Istanbul had it been designed by idiots. Vibrant, oversignifying colors are stacked upon other such colors, decks perched over still more decks; the only comfort is a row of lifeboats ringing its perimeter. There is no imposed order, no cogent thought, and, for those who do not harbor a totalitarian sense of gigantomania, no visual mercy. This is the biggest cruise ship ever built, and I have been tasked with witnessing its inaugural voyage.

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“Author embarks on their first cruise-ship voyage” has been a staple of American essay writing for almost three decades, beginning with David Foster Wallace’s “A Supposedly Fun Thing I’ll Never Do Again,” which was first published in 1996 under the title “Shipping Out.” Since then, many admirable writers have widened and diversified the genre. Usually the essayist commissioned to take to the sea is in their first or second flush of youth and is ready to sharpen their wit against the hull of the offending vessel. I am 51, old and tired, having seen much of the world as a former travel journalist, and mostly what I do in both life and prose is shrug while muttering to my imaginary dachshund, “This too shall pass.” But the Icon of the Seas will not countenance a shrug. The Icon of the Seas is the Linda Loman of cruise ships, exclaiming that attention must be paid. And here I am in late January with my one piece of luggage and useless gray winter jacket and passport, zipping through the Port of Miami en route to the gangway that will separate me from the bulk of North America for more than seven days, ready to pay it in full.

The aforementioned gangway opens up directly onto a thriving mall (I will soon learn it is imperiously called the “Royal Promenade”), presently filled with yapping passengers beneath a ceiling studded with balloons ready to drop. Crew members from every part of the global South, as well as a few Balkans, are shepherding us along while pressing flutes of champagne into our hands. By a humming Starbucks, I drink as many of these as I can and prepare to find my cabin. I show my blue Suite Sky SeaPass Card (more on this later, much more) to a smiling woman from the Philippines, and she tells me to go “aft.” Which is where, now? As someone who has rarely sailed on a vessel grander than the Staten Island Ferry, I am confused. It turns out that the aft is the stern of the ship, or, for those of us who don’t know what a stern or an aft are, its ass. The nose of the ship, responsible for separating the waves before it, is also called a bow, and is marked for passengers as the FWD , or forward. The part of the contemporary sailing vessel where the malls are clustered is called the midship. I trust that you have enjoyed this nautical lesson.

I ascend via elevator to my suite on Deck 11. This is where I encounter my first terrible surprise. My suite windows and balcony do not face the ocean. Instead, they look out onto another shopping mall. This mall is the one that’s called Central Park, perhaps in homage to the Olmsted-designed bit of greenery in the middle of my hometown. Although on land I would be delighted to own a suite with Central Park views, here I am deeply depressed. To sail on a ship and not wake up to a vast blue carpet of ocean? Unthinkable.

Allow me a brief preamble here. The story you are reading was commissioned at a moment when most staterooms on the Icon were sold out. In fact, so enthralled by the prospect of this voyage were hard-core mariners that the ship’s entire inventory of guest rooms (the Icon can accommodate up to 7,600 passengers, but its inaugural journey was reduced to 5,000 or so for a less crowded experience) was almost immediately sold out. Hence, this publication was faced with the shocking prospect of paying nearly $19,000 to procure for this solitary passenger an entire suite—not including drinking expenses—all for the privilege of bringing you this article. But the suite in question doesn’t even have a view of the ocean! I sit down hard on my soft bed. Nineteen thousand dollars for this .

The viewless suite does have its pluses. In addition to all the Malin+Goetz products in my dual bathrooms, I am granted use of a dedicated Suite Deck lounge; access to Coastal Kitchen, a superior restaurant for Suites passengers; complimentary VOOM SM Surf & Stream (“the fastest Internet at Sea”) “for one device per person for the whole cruise duration”; a pair of bathrobes (one of which comes prestained with what looks like a large expectoration by the greenest lizard on Earth); and use of the Grove Suite Sun, an area on Decks 18 and 19 with food and deck chairs reserved exclusively for Suite passengers. I also get reserved seating for a performance of The Wizard of Oz , an ice-skating tribute to the periodic table, and similar provocations. The very color of my Suite Sky SeaPass Card, an oceanic blue as opposed to the cloying royal purple of the standard non-Suite passenger, will soon provoke envy and admiration. But as high as my status may be, there are those on board who have much higher status still, and I will soon learn to bow before them.

In preparation for sailing, I have “priced in,” as they say on Wall Street, the possibility that I may come from a somewhat different monde than many of the other cruisers. Without falling into stereotypes or preconceptions, I prepare myself for a friendly outspokenness on the part of my fellow seafarers that may not comply with modern DEI standards. I believe in meeting people halfway, and so the day before flying down to Miami, I visited what remains of Little Italy to purchase a popular T-shirt that reads DADDY’S LITTLE MEATBALL across the breast in the colors of the Italian flag. My wife recommended that I bring one of my many T-shirts featuring Snoopy and the Peanuts gang, as all Americans love the beagle and his friends. But I naively thought that my meatball T-shirt would be more suitable for conversation-starting. “Oh, and who is your ‘daddy’?” some might ask upon seeing it. “And how long have you been his ‘little meatball’?” And so on.

I put on my meatball T-shirt and head for one of the dining rooms to get a late lunch. In the elevator, I stick out my chest for all to read the funny legend upon it, but soon I realize that despite its burnished tricolor letters, no one takes note. More to the point, no one takes note of me. Despite my attempts at bridge building, the very sight of me (small, ethnic, without a cap bearing the name of a football team) elicits no reaction from other passengers. Most often, they will small-talk over me as if I don’t exist. This brings to mind the travails of David Foster Wallace , who felt so ostracized by his fellow passengers that he retreated to his cabin for much of his voyage. And Wallace was raised primarily in the Midwest and was a much larger, more American-looking meatball than I am. If he couldn’t talk to these people, how will I? What if I leave this ship without making any friends at all, despite my T-shirt? I am a social creature, and the prospect of seven days alone and apart is saddening. Wallace’s stateroom, at least, had a view of the ocean, a kind of cheap eternity.

Worse awaits me in the dining room. This is a large, multichandeliered room where I attended my safety training (I was shown how to put on a flotation vest; it is a very simple procedure). But the maître d’ politely refuses me entry in an English that seems to verge on another language. “I’m sorry, this is only for pendejos ,” he seems to be saying. I push back politely and he repeats himself. Pendejos ? Piranhas? There’s some kind of P-word to which I am not attuned. Meanwhile elderly passengers stream right past, powered by their limbs, walkers, and electric wheelchairs. “It is only pendejo dining today, sir.” “But I have a suite!” I say, already starting to catch on to the ship’s class system. He examines my card again. “But you are not a pendejo ,” he confirms. I am wearing a DADDY’S LITTLE MEATBALL T-shirt, I want to say to him. I am the essence of pendejo .

Eventually, I give up and head to the plebeian buffet on Deck 15, which has an aquatic-styled name I have now forgotten. Before gaining entry to this endless cornucopia of reheated food, one passes a washing station of many sinks and soap dispensers, and perhaps the most intriguing character on the entire ship. He is Mr. Washy Washy—or, according to his name tag, Nielbert of the Philippines—and he is dressed as a taco (on other occasions, I’ll see him dressed as a burger). Mr. Washy Washy performs an eponymous song in spirited, indeed flamboyant English: “Washy, washy, wash your hands, WASHY WASHY!” The dangers of norovirus and COVID on a cruise ship this size (a giant fellow ship was stricken with the former right after my voyage) makes Mr. Washy Washy an essential member of the crew. The problem lies with the food at the end of Washy’s rainbow. The buffet is groaning with what sounds like sophisticated dishes—marinated octopus, boiled egg with anchovy, chorizo, lobster claws—but every animal tastes tragically the same, as if there was only one creature available at the market, a “cruisipus” bred specifically for Royal Caribbean dining. The “vegetables” are no better. I pick up a tomato slice and look right through it. It tastes like cellophane. I sit alone, apart from the couples and parents with gaggles of children, as “We Are Family” echoes across the buffet space.

I may have failed to mention that all this time, the Icon of the Seas has not left port. As the fiery mango of the subtropical setting sun makes Miami’s condo skyline even more apocalyptic, the ship shoves off beneath a perfunctory display of fireworks. After the sun sets, in the far, dark distance, another circus-lit cruise ship ruptures the waves before us. We glance at it with pity, because it is by definition a smaller ship than our own. I am on Deck 15, outside the buffet and overlooking a bunch of pools (the Icon has seven of them), drinking a frilly drink that I got from one of the bars (the Icon has 15 of them), still too shy to speak to anyone, despite Sister Sledge’s assertion that all on the ship are somehow related.

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The ship’s passage away from Ron DeSantis’s Florida provides no frisson, no sense of developing “sea legs,” as the ship is too large to register the presence of waves unless a mighty wind adds significant chop. It is time for me to register the presence of the 5,000 passengers around me, even if they refuse to register mine. My fellow travelers have prepared for this trip with personally decorated T-shirts celebrating the importance of this voyage. The simplest ones say ICON INAUGURAL ’24 on the back and the family name on the front. Others attest to an over-the-top love of cruise ships: WARNING! MAY START TALKING ABOUT CRUISING . Still others are artisanally designed and celebrate lifetimes spent married while cruising (on ships, of course). A couple possibly in their 90s are wearing shirts whose backs feature a drawing of a cruise liner, two flamingos with ostensibly male and female characteristics, and the legend “ HUSBAND AND WIFE Cruising Partners FOR LIFE WE MAY NOT HAVE IT All Together BUT TOGETHER WE HAVE IT ALL .” (The words not in all caps have been written in cursive.) A real journalist or a more intrepid conversationalist would have gone up to the couple and asked them to explain the longevity of their marriage vis-à-vis their love of cruising. But instead I head to my mall suite, take off my meatball T-shirt, and allow the first tears of the cruise to roll down my cheeks slowly enough that I briefly fall asleep amid the moisture and salt.

I WAKE UP with a hangover. Oh God. Right. I cannot believe all of that happened last night. A name floats into my cobwebbed, nauseated brain: “Ayn Rand.” Jesus Christ.

I breakfast alone at the Coastal Kitchen. The coffee tastes fine and the eggs came out of a bird. The ship rolls slightly this morning; I can feel it in my thighs and my schlong, the parts of me that are most receptive to danger.

I had a dangerous conversation last night. After the sun set and we were at least 50 miles from shore (most modern cruise ships sail at about 23 miles an hour), I lay in bed softly hiccupping, my arms stretched out exactly like Jesus on the cross, the sound of the distant waves missing from my mall-facing suite, replaced by the hum of air-conditioning and children shouting in Spanish through the vents of my two bathrooms. I decided this passivity was unacceptable. As an immigrant, I feel duty-bound to complete the tasks I am paid for, which means reaching out and trying to understand my fellow cruisers. So I put on a normal James Perse T-shirt and headed for one of the bars on the Royal Promenade—the Schooner Bar, it was called, if memory serves correctly.

I sat at the bar for a martini and two Negronis. An old man with thick, hairy forearms drank next to me, very silent and Hemingwaylike, while a dreadlocked piano player tinkled out a series of excellent Elton John covers. To my right, a young white couple—he in floral shorts, she in a light, summery miniskirt with a fearsome diamond ring, neither of them in football regalia—chatted with an elderly couple. Do it , I commanded myself. Open your mouth. Speak! Speak without being spoken to. Initiate. A sentence fragment caught my ear from the young woman, “Cherry Hill.” This is a suburb of Philadelphia in New Jersey, and I had once been there for a reading at a synagogue. “Excuse me,” I said gently to her. “Did you just mention Cherry Hill? It’s a lovely place.”

As it turned out, the couple now lived in Fort Lauderdale (the number of Floridians on the cruise surprised me, given that Southern Florida is itself a kind of cruise ship, albeit one slowly sinking), but soon they were talking with me exclusively—the man potbellied, with a chin like a hard-boiled egg; the woman as svelte as if she were one of the many Ukrainian members of the crew—the elderly couple next to them forgotten. This felt as groundbreaking as the first time I dared to address an American in his native tongue, as a child on a bus in Queens (“On my foot you are standing, Mister”).

“I don’t want to talk politics,” the man said. “But they’re going to eighty-six Biden and put Michelle in.”

I considered the contradictions of his opening conversational gambit, but decided to play along. “People like Michelle,” I said, testing the waters. The husband sneered, but the wife charitably put forward that the former first lady was “more personable” than Joe Biden. “They’re gonna eighty-six Biden,” the husband repeated. “He can’t put a sentence together.”

After I mentioned that I was a writer—though I presented myself as a writer of teleplays instead of novels and articles such as this one—the husband told me his favorite writer was Ayn Rand. “Ayn Rand, she came here with nothing,” the husband said. “I work with a lot of Cubans, so …” I wondered if I should mention what I usually do to ingratiate myself with Republicans or libertarians: the fact that my finances improved after pass-through corporations were taxed differently under Donald Trump. Instead, I ordered another drink and the couple did the same, and I told him that Rand and I were born in the same city, St. Petersburg/Leningrad, and that my family also came here with nothing. Now the bonding and drinking began in earnest, and several more rounds appeared. Until it all fell apart.

Read: Gary Shteyngart on watching Russian television for five days straight

My new friend, whom I will refer to as Ayn, called out to a buddy of his across the bar, and suddenly a young couple, both covered in tattoos, appeared next to us. “He fucking punked me,” Ayn’s frat-boy-like friend called out as he put his arm around Ayn, while his sizable partner sizzled up to Mrs. Rand. Both of them had a look I have never seen on land—their eyes projecting absence and enmity in equal measure. In the ’90s, I drank with Russian soldiers fresh from Chechnya and wandered the streets of wartime Zagreb, but I have never seen such undisguised hostility toward both me and perhaps the universe at large. I was briefly introduced to this psychopathic pair, but neither of them wanted to have anything to do with me, and the tattooed woman would not even reveal her Christian name to me (she pretended to have the same first name as Mrs. Rand). To impress his tattooed friends, Ayn made fun of the fact that as a television writer, I’d worked on the series Succession (which, it would turn out, practically nobody on the ship had watched), instead of the far more palatable, in his eyes, zombie drama of last year. And then my new friends drifted away from me into an angry private conversation—“He punked me!”—as I ordered another drink for myself, scared of the dead-eyed arrivals whose gaze never registered in the dim wattage of the Schooner Bar, whose terrifying voices and hollow laughs grated like unoiled gears against the crooning of “Goodbye Yellow Brick Road.”

But today is a new day for me and my hangover. After breakfast, I explore the ship’s so-called neighborhoods . There’s the AquaDome, where one can find a food hall and an acrobatic sound-and-light aquatic show. Central Park has a premium steak house, a sushi joint, and a used Rolex that can be bought for $8,000 on land here proudly offered at $17,000. There’s the aforementioned Royal Promenade, where I had drunk with the Rands, and where a pair of dueling pianos duel well into the night. There’s Surfside, a kids’ neighborhood full of sugary garbage, which looks out onto the frothy trail that the behemoth leaves behind itself. Thrill Island refers to the collection of tubes that clutter the ass of the ship and offer passengers six waterslides and a surfing simulation. There’s the Hideaway, an adult zone that plays music from a vomit-slathered, Brit-filled Alicante nightclub circa 1996 and proves a big favorite with groups of young Latin American customers. And, most hurtfully, there’s the Suite Neighborhood.

I say hurtfully because as a Suite passenger I should be here, though my particular suite is far from the others. Whereas I am stuck amid the riffraff of Deck 11, this section is on the highborn Decks 16 and 17, and in passing, I peek into the spacious, tall-ceilinged staterooms from the hallway, dazzled by the glint of the waves and sun. For $75,000, one multifloor suite even comes with its own slide between floors, so that a family may enjoy this particular terror in private. There is a quiet splendor to the Suite Neighborhood. I see fewer stickers and signs and drawings than in my own neighborhood—for example, MIKE AND DIANA PROUDLY SERVED U.S. MARINE CORPS RETIRED . No one here needs to announce their branch of service or rank; they are simply Suites, and this is where they belong. Once again, despite my hard work and perseverance, I have been disallowed from the true American elite. Once again, I am “Not our class, dear.” I am reminded of watching The Love Boat on my grandmother’s Zenith, which either was given to her or we found in the trash (I get our many malfunctioning Zeniths confused) and whose tube got so hot, I would put little chunks of government cheese on a thin tissue atop it to give our welfare treat a pleasant, Reagan-era gooeyness. I could not understand English well enough then to catch the nuances of that seafaring program, but I knew that there were differences in the status of the passengers, and that sometimes those differences made them sad. Still, this ship, this plenty—every few steps, there are complimentary nachos or milkshakes or gyros on offer—was the fatty fuel of my childhood dreams. If only I had remained a child.

I walk around the outdoor decks looking for company. There is a middle-aged African American couple who always seem to be asleep in each other’s arms, probably exhausted from the late capitalism they regularly encounter on land. There is far more diversity on this ship than I expected. Many couples are a testament to Loving v. Virginia , and there is a large group of folks whose T-shirts read MELANIN AT SEA / IT’S THE MELANIN FOR ME . I smile when I see them, but then some young kids from the group makes Mr. Washy Washy do a cruel, caricatured “Burger Dance” (today he is in his burger getup), and I think, Well, so much for intersectionality .

At the infinity pool on Deck 17, I spot some elderly women who could be ethnic and from my part of the world, and so I jump in. I am proved correct! Many of them seem to be originally from Queens (“Corona was still great when it was all Italian”), though they are now spread across the tristate area. We bond over the way “Ron-kon-koma” sounds when announced in Penn Station.

“Everyone is here for a different reason,” one of them tells me. She and her ex-husband last sailed together four years ago to prove to themselves that their marriage was truly over. Her 15-year-old son lost his virginity to “an Irish young lady” while their ship was moored in Ravenna, Italy. The gaggle of old-timers competes to tell me their favorite cruising stories and tips. “A guy proposed in Central Park a couple of years ago”—many Royal Caribbean ships apparently have this ridiculous communal area—“and she ran away screaming!” “If you’re diamond-class, you get four drinks for free.” “A different kind of passenger sails out of Bayonne.” (This, perhaps, is racially coded.) “Sometimes, if you tip the bartender $5, your next drink will be free.”

“Everyone’s here for a different reason,” the woman whose marriage ended on a cruise tells me again. “Some people are here for bad reasons—the drinkers and the gamblers. Some people are here for medical reasons.” I have seen more than a few oxygen tanks and at least one woman clearly undergoing very serious chemo. Some T-shirts celebrate good news about a cancer diagnosis. This might be someone’s last cruise or week on Earth. For these women, who have spent months, if not years, at sea, cruising is a ritual as well as a life cycle: first love, last love, marriage, divorce, death.

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I have talked with these women for so long, tonight I promise myself that after a sad solitary dinner I will not try to seek out company at the bars in the mall or the adult-themed Hideaway. I have enough material to fulfill my duties to this publication. As I approach my orphaned suite, I run into the aggro young people who stole Mr. and Mrs. Rand away from me the night before. The tattooed apparitions pass me without a glance. She is singing something violent about “Stuttering Stanley” (a character in a popular horror movie, as I discover with my complimentary VOOM SM Surf & Stream Internet at Sea) and he’s loudly shouting about “all the money I’ve lost,” presumably at the casino in the bowels of the ship.

So these bent psychos out of a Cormac McCarthy novel are angrily inhabiting my deck. As I mewl myself to sleep, I envision a limited series for HBO or some other streamer, a kind of low-rent White Lotus , where several aggressive couples conspire to throw a shy intellectual interloper overboard. I type the scenario into my phone. As I fall asleep, I think of what the woman who recently divorced her husband and whose son became a man through the good offices of the Irish Republic told me while I was hoisting myself out of the infinity pool. “I’m here because I’m an explorer. I’m here because I’m trying something new.” What if I allowed myself to believe in her fantasy?

“YOU REALLY STARTED AT THE TOP,” they tell me. I’m at the Coastal Kitchen for my eggs and corned-beef hash, and the maître d’ has slotted me in between two couples. Fueled by coffee or perhaps intrigued by my relative youth, they strike up a conversation with me. As always, people are shocked that this is my first cruise. They contrast the Icon favorably with all the preceding liners in the Royal Caribbean fleet, usually commenting on the efficiency of the elevators that hurl us from deck to deck (as in many large corporate buildings, the elevators ask you to choose a floor and then direct you to one of many lifts). The couple to my right, from Palo Alto—he refers to his “porn mustache” and calls his wife “my cougar” because she is two years older—tell me they are “Pandemic Pinnacles.”

This is the day that my eyes will be opened. Pinnacles , it is explained to me over translucent cantaloupe, have sailed with Royal Caribbean for 700 ungodly nights. Pandemic Pinnacles took advantage of the two-for-one accrual rate of Pinnacle points during the pandemic, when sailing on a cruise ship was even more ill-advised, to catapult themselves into Pinnacle status.

Because of the importance of the inaugural voyage of the world’s largest cruise liner, more than 200 Pinnacles are on this ship, a startling number, it seems. Mrs. Palo Alto takes out a golden badge that I have seen affixed over many a breast, which reads CROWN AND ANCHOR SOCIETY along with her name. This is the coveted badge of the Pinnacle. “You should hear all the whining in Guest Services,” her husband tells me. Apparently, the Pinnacles who are not also Suites like us are all trying to use their status to get into Coastal Kitchen, our elite restaurant. Even a Pinnacle needs to be a Suite to access this level of corned-beef hash.

“We’re just baby Pinnacles,” Mrs. Palo Alto tells me, describing a kind of internal class struggle among the Pinnacle elite for ever higher status.

And now I understand what the maître d’ was saying to me on the first day of my cruise. He wasn’t saying “ pendejo .” He was saying “Pinnacle.” The dining room was for Pinnacles only, all those older people rolling in like the tide on their motorized scooters.

And now I understand something else: This whole thing is a cult. And like most cults, it can’t help but mirror the endless American fight for status. Like Keith Raniere’s NXIVM, where different-colored sashes were given out to connote rank among Raniere’s branded acolytes, this is an endless competition among Pinnacles, Suites, Diamond-Plusers, and facing-the-mall, no-balcony purple SeaPass Card peasants, not to mention the many distinctions within each category. The more you cruise, the higher your status. No wonder a section of the Royal Promenade is devoted to getting passengers to book their next cruise during the one they should be enjoying now. No wonder desperate Royal Caribbean offers (“FINAL HOURS”) crowded my email account weeks before I set sail. No wonder the ship’s jewelry store, the Royal Bling, is selling a $100,000 golden chalice that will entitle its owner to drink free on Royal Caribbean cruises for life. (One passenger was already gaming out whether her 28-year-old son was young enough to “just about earn out” on the chalice or if that ship had sailed.) No wonder this ship was sold out months before departure , and we had to pay $19,000 for a horrid suite away from the Suite Neighborhood. No wonder the most mythical hero of Royal Caribbean lore is someone named Super Mario, who has cruised so often, he now has his own working desk on many ships. This whole experience is part cult, part nautical pyramid scheme.

From the June 2014 issue: Ship of wonks

“The toilets are amazing,” the Palo Altos are telling me. “One flush and you’re done.” “They don’t understand how energy-efficient these ships are,” the husband of the other couple is telling me. “They got the LNG”—liquefied natural gas, which is supposed to make the Icon a boon to the environment (a concept widely disputed and sometimes ridiculed by environmentalists).

But I’m thinking along a different line of attack as I spear my last pallid slice of melon. For my streaming limited series, a Pinnacle would have to get killed by either an outright peasant or a Suite without an ocean view. I tell my breakfast companions my idea.

“Oh, for sure a Pinnacle would have to be killed,” Mr. Palo Alto, the Pandemic Pinnacle, says, touching his porn mustache thoughtfully as his wife nods.

“THAT’S RIGHT, IT’S your time, buddy!” Hubert, my fun-loving Panamanian cabin attendant, shouts as I step out of my suite in a robe. “Take it easy, buddy!”

I have come up with a new dressing strategy. Instead of trying to impress with my choice of T-shirts, I have decided to start wearing a robe, as one does at a resort property on land, with a proper spa and hammam. The response among my fellow cruisers has been ecstatic. “Look at you in the robe!” Mr. Rand cries out as we pass each other by the Thrill Island aqua park. “You’re living the cruise life! You know, you really drank me under the table that night.” I laugh as we part ways, but my soul cries out, Please spend more time with me, Mr. and Mrs. Rand; I so need the company .

In my white robe, I am a stately presence, a refugee from a better limited series, a one-man crossover episode. (Only Suites are granted these robes to begin with.) Today, I will try many of the activities these ships have on offer to provide their clientele with a sense of never-ceasing motion. Because I am already at Thrill Island, I decide to climb the staircase to what looks like a mast on an old-fashioned ship (terrified, because I am afraid of heights) to try a ride called “Storm Chasers,” which is part of the “Category 6” water park, named in honor of one of the storms that may someday do away with the Port of Miami entirely. Storm Chasers consists of falling from the “mast” down a long, twisting neon tube filled with water, like being the camera inside your own colonoscopy, as you hold on to the handles of a mat, hoping not to die. The tube then flops you down headfirst into a trough of water, a Royal Caribbean baptism. It both knocks my breath out and makes me sad.

In keeping with the aquatic theme, I attend a show at the AquaDome. To the sound of “Live and Let Die,” a man in a harness gyrates to and fro in the sultry air. I saw something very similar in the back rooms of the famed Berghain club in early-aughts Berlin. Soon another harnessed man is gyrating next to the first. Ja , I think to myself, I know how this ends. Now will come the fisting , natürlich . But the show soon devolves into the usual Marvel-film-grade nonsense, with too much light and sound signifying nichts . If any fisting is happening, it is probably in the Suite Neighborhood, inside a cabin marked with an upside-down pineapple, which I understand means a couple are ready to swing, and I will see none of it.

I go to the ice show, which is a kind of homage—if that’s possible—to the periodic table, done with the style and pomp and masterful precision that would please the likes of Kim Jong Un, if only he could afford Royal Caribbean talent. At one point, the dancers skate to the theme song of Succession . “See that!” I want to say to my fellow Suites—at “cultural” events, we have a special section reserved for us away from the commoners—“ Succession ! It’s even better than the zombie show! Open your minds!”

Finally, I visit a comedy revue in an enormous and too brightly lit version of an “intimate,” per Royal Caribbean literature, “Manhattan comedy club.” Many of the jokes are about the cruising life. “I’ve lived on ships for 20 years,” one of the middle-aged comedians says. “I can only see so many Filipino homosexuals dressed as a taco.” He pauses while the audience laughs. “I am so fired tonight,” he says. He segues into a Trump impression and then Biden falling asleep at the microphone, which gets the most laughs. “Anyone here from Fort Leonard Wood?” another comedian asks. Half the crowd seems to cheer. As I fall asleep that night, I realize another connection I have failed to make, and one that may explain some of the diversity on this vessel—many of its passengers have served in the military.

As a coddled passenger with a suite, I feel like I am starting to understand what it means to have a rank and be constantly reminded of it. There are many espresso makers , I think as I look across the expanse of my officer-grade quarters before closing my eyes, but this one is mine .

A shocking sight greets me beyond the pools of Deck 17 as I saunter over to the Coastal Kitchen for my morning intake of slightly sour Americanos. A tiny city beneath a series of perfectly pressed green mountains. Land! We have docked for a brief respite in Basseterre, the capital of St. Kitts and Nevis. I wolf down my egg scramble to be one of the first passengers off the ship. Once past the gangway, I barely refrain from kissing the ground. I rush into the sights and sounds of this scruffy island city, sampling incredible conch curry and buckets of non-Starbucks coffee. How wonderful it is to be where God intended humans to be: on land. After all, I am neither a fish nor a mall rat. This is my natural environment. Basseterre may not be Havana, but there are signs of human ingenuity and desire everywhere you look. The Black Table Grill Has been Relocated to Soho Village, Market Street, Directly Behind of, Gary’s Fruits and Flower Shop. Signed. THE PORK MAN reads a sign stuck to a wall. Now, that is how you write a sign. A real sign, not the come-ons for overpriced Rolexes that blink across the screens of the Royal Promenade.

“Hey, tie your shoestring!” a pair of laughing ladies shout to me across the street.

“Thank you!” I shout back. Shoestring! “Thank you very much.”

A man in Independence Square Park comes by and asks if I want to play with his monkey. I haven’t heard that pickup line since the Penn Station of the 1980s. But then he pulls a real monkey out of a bag. The monkey is wearing a diaper and looks insane. Wonderful , I think, just wonderful! There is so much life here. I email my editor asking if I can remain on St. Kitts and allow the Icon to sail off into the horizon without me. I have even priced a flight home at less than $300, and I have enough material from the first four days on the cruise to write the entire story. “It would be funny …” my editor replies. “Now get on the boat.”

As I slink back to the ship after my brief jailbreak, the locals stand under umbrellas to gaze at and photograph the boat that towers over their small capital city. The limousines of the prime minister and his lackeys are parked beside the gangway. St. Kitts, I’ve been told, is one of the few islands that would allow a ship of this size to dock.

“We hear about all the waterslides,” a sweet young server in one of the cafés told me. “We wish we could go on the ship, but we have to work.”

“I want to stay on your island,” I replied. “I love it here.”

But she didn’t understand how I could possibly mean that.

“WASHY, WASHY, so you don’t get stinky, stinky!” kids are singing outside the AquaDome, while their adult minders look on in disapproval, perhaps worried that Mr. Washy Washy is grooming them into a life of gayness. I heard a southern couple skip the buffet entirely out of fear of Mr. Washy Washy.

Meanwhile, I have found a new watering hole for myself, the Swim & Tonic, the biggest swim-up bar on any cruise ship in the world. Drinking next to full-size, nearly naked Americans takes away one’s own self-consciousness. The men have curvaceous mom bodies. The women are equally un-shy about their sprawling physiques.

Today I’ve befriended a bald man with many children who tells me that all of the little trinkets that Royal Caribbean has left us in our staterooms and suites are worth a fortune on eBay. “Eighty dollars for the water bottle, 60 for the lanyard,” the man says. “This is a cult.”

“Tell me about it,” I say. There is, however, a clientele for whom this cruise makes perfect sense. For a large middle-class family (he works in “supply chains”), seven days in a lower-tier cabin—which starts at $1,800 a person—allow the parents to drop off their children in Surfside, where I imagine many young Filipina crew members will take care of them, while the parents are free to get drunk at a swim-up bar and maybe even get intimate in their cabin. Cruise ships have become, for a certain kind of hardworking family, a form of subsidized child care.

There is another man I would like to befriend at the Swim & Tonic, a tall, bald fellow who is perpetually inebriated and who wears a necklace studded with little rubber duckies in sunglasses, which, I am told, is a sort of secret handshake for cruise aficionados. Tomorrow, I will spend more time with him, but first the ship docks at St. Thomas, in the U.S. Virgin Islands. Charlotte Amalie, the capital, is more charming in name than in presence, but I still all but jump off the ship to score a juicy oxtail and plantains at the well-known Petite Pump Room, overlooking the harbor. From one of the highest points in the small city, the Icon of the Seas appears bigger than the surrounding hills.

I usually tan very evenly, but something about the discombobulation of life at sea makes me forget the regular application of sunscreen. As I walk down the streets of Charlotte Amalie in my fluorescent Icon of the Seas cap, an old Rastafarian stares me down. “Redneck,” he hisses.

“No,” I want to tell him, as I bring a hand up to my red neck, “that’s not who I am at all. On my island, Mannahatta, as Whitman would have it, I am an interesting person living within an engaging artistic milieu. I do not wish to use the Caribbean as a dumping ground for the cruise-ship industry. I love the work of Derek Walcott. You don’t understand. I am not a redneck. And if I am, they did this to me.” They meaning Royal Caribbean? Its passengers? The Rands?

“They did this to me!”

Back on the Icon, some older matrons are muttering about a run-in with passengers from the Celebrity cruise ship docked next to us, the Celebrity Apex. Although Celebrity Cruises is also owned by Royal Caribbean, I am made to understand that there is a deep fratricidal beef between passengers of the two lines. “We met a woman from the Apex,” one matron says, “and she says it was a small ship and there was nothing to do. Her face was as tight as a 19-year-old’s, she had so much surgery.” With those words, and beneath a cloudy sky, humidity shrouding our weathered faces and red necks, we set sail once again, hopefully in the direction of home.

THERE ARE BARELY 48 HOURS LEFT to the cruise, and the Icon of the Seas’ passengers are salty. They know how to work the elevators. They know the Washy Washy song by heart. They understand that the chicken gyro at “Feta Mediterranean,” in the AquaDome Market, is the least problematic form of chicken on the ship.

The passengers have shed their INAUGURAL CRUISE T-shirts and are now starting to evince political opinions. There are caps pledging to make America great again and T-shirts that celebrate words sometimes attributed to Patrick Henry: “The Constitution is not an instrument for the government to restrain the people; it is an instrument for the people to restrain the government.” With their preponderance of FAMILY FLAG FAITH FRIENDS FIREARMS T-shirts, the tables by the crepe station sometimes resemble the Capitol Rotunda on January 6. The Real Anthony Fauci , by Robert F. Kennedy Jr., appears to be a popular form of literature, especially among young men with very complicated versions of the American flag on their T-shirts. Other opinions blend the personal and the political. “Someone needs to kill Washy guy, right?” a well-dressed man in the elevator tells me, his gray eyes radiating nothing. “Just beat him to death. Am I right?” I overhear the male member of a young couple whisper, “There goes that freak” as I saunter by in my white spa robe, and I decide to retire it for the rest of the cruise.

I visit the Royal Bling to see up close the $100,000 golden chalice that entitles you to free drinks on Royal Caribbean forever. The pleasant Serbian saleslady explains that the chalice is actually gold-plated and covered in white zirconia instead of diamonds, as it would otherwise cost $1 million. “If you already have everything,” she explains, “this is one more thing you can get.”

I believe that anyone who works for Royal Caribbean should be entitled to immediate American citizenship. They already speak English better than most of the passengers and, per the Serbian lady’s sales pitch above, better understand what America is as well. Crew members like my Panamanian cabin attendant seem to work 24 hours a day. A waiter from New Delhi tells me that his contract is six months and three weeks long. After a cruise ends, he says, “in a few hours, we start again for the next cruise.” At the end of the half a year at sea, he is allowed a two-to-three-month stay at home with his family. As of 2019, the median income for crew members was somewhere in the vicinity of $20,000, according to a major business publication. Royal Caribbean would not share the current median salary for its crew members, but I am certain that it amounts to a fraction of the cost of a Royal Bling gold-plated, zirconia-studded chalice.

And because most of the Icon’s hyper-sanitized spaces are just a frittata away from being a Delta lounge, one forgets that there are actual sailors on this ship, charged with the herculean task of docking it in port. “Having driven 100,000-ton aircraft carriers throughout my career,” retired Admiral James G. Stavridis, the former NATO Supreme Allied Commander Europe, writes to me, “I’m not sure I would even know where to begin with trying to control a sea monster like this one nearly three times the size.” (I first met Stavridis while touring Army bases in Germany more than a decade ago.)

Today, I decide to head to the hot tub near Swim & Tonic, where some of the ship’s drunkest reprobates seem to gather (the other tubs are filled with families and couples). The talk here, like everywhere else on the ship, concerns football, a sport about which I know nothing. It is apparent that four teams have recently competed in some kind of finals for the year, and that two of them will now face off in the championship. Often when people on the Icon speak, I will try to repeat the last thing they said with a laugh or a nod of disbelief. “Yes, 20-yard line! Ha!” “Oh my God, of course, scrimmage.”

Soon we are joined in the hot tub by the late-middle-age drunk guy with the duck necklace. He is wearing a bucket hat with the legend HAWKEYES , which, I soon gather, is yet another football team. “All right, who turned me in?” Duck Necklace says as he plops into the tub beside us. “I get a call in the morning,” he says. “It’s security. Can you come down to the dining room by 10 a.m.? You need to stay away from the members of this religious family.” Apparently, the gregarious Duck Necklace had photobombed the wrong people. There are several families who present as evangelical Christians or practicing Muslims on the ship. One man, evidently, was not happy that Duck Necklace had made contact with his relatives. “It’s because of religious stuff; he was offended. I put my arm around 20 people a day.”

Everyone laughs. “They asked me three times if I needed medication,” he says of the security people who apparently interrogated him in full view of others having breakfast.

Another hot-tub denizen suggests that he should have asked for fentanyl. After a few more drinks, Duck Necklace begins to muse about what it would be like to fall off the ship. “I’m 62 and I’m ready to go,” he says. “I just don’t want a shark to eat me. I’m a huge God guy. I’m a Bible guy. There’s some Mayan theory squaring science stuff with religion. There is so much more to life on Earth.” We all nod into our Red Stripes.

“I never get off the ship when we dock,” he says. He tells us he lost $6,000 in the casino the other day. Later, I look him up, and it appears that on land, he’s a financial adviser in a crisp gray suit, probably a pillar of his North Chicago community.

THE OCEAN IS TEEMING with fascinating life, but on the surface it has little to teach us. The waves come and go. The horizon remains ever far away.

I am constantly told by my fellow passengers that “everybody here has a story.” Yes, I want to reply, but everybody everywhere has a story. You, the reader of this essay, have a story, and yet you’re not inclined to jump on a cruise ship and, like Duck Necklace, tell your story to others at great pitch and volume. Maybe what they’re saying is that everybody on this ship wants to have a bigger, more coherent, more interesting story than the one they’ve been given. Maybe that’s why there’s so much signage on the doors around me attesting to marriages spent on the sea. Maybe that’s why the Royal Caribbean newsletter slipped under my door tells me that “this isn’t a vacation day spent—it’s bragging rights earned.” Maybe that’s why I’m so lonely.

Today is a big day for Icon passengers. Today the ship docks at Royal Caribbean’s own Bahamian island, the Perfect Day at CocoCay. (This appears to be the actual name of the island.) A comedian at the nightclub opined on what his perfect day at CocoCay would look like—receiving oral sex while learning that his ex-wife had been killed in a car crash (big laughter). But the reality of the island is far less humorous than that.

One of the ethnic tristate ladies in the infinity pool told me that she loved CocoCay because it had exactly the same things that could be found on the ship itself. This proves to be correct. It is like the Icon, but with sand. The same tired burgers, the same colorful tubes conveying children and water from Point A to B. The same swim-up bar at its Hideaway ($140 for admittance, no children allowed; Royal Caribbean must be printing money off its clientele). “There was almost a fight at The Wizard of Oz ,” I overhear an elderly woman tell her companion on a chaise lounge. Apparently one of the passengers began recording Royal Caribbean’s intellectual property and “three guys came after him.”

I walk down a pathway to the center of the island, where a sign reads DO NOT ENTER: YOU HAVE REACHED THE BOUNDARY OF ADVENTURE . I hear an animal scampering in the bushes. A Royal Caribbean worker in an enormous golf cart soon chases me down and takes me back to the Hideaway, where I run into Mrs. Rand in a bikini. She becomes livid telling me about an altercation she had the other day with a woman over a towel and a deck chair. We Suites have special towel privileges; we do not have to hand over our SeaPass Card to score a towel. But the Rands are not Suites. “People are so entitled here,” Mrs. Rand says. “It’s like the airport with all its classes.” “You see,” I want to say, “this is where your husband’s love of Ayn Rand runs into the cruelties and arbitrary indignities of unbridled capitalism.” Instead we make plans to meet for a final drink in the Schooner Bar tonight (the Rands will stand me up).

Back on the ship, I try to do laps, but the pool (the largest on any cruise ship, naturally) is fully trashed with the detritus of American life: candy wrappers, a slowly dissolving tortilla chip, napkins. I take an extra-long shower in my suite, then walk around the perimeter of the ship on a kind of exercise track, past all the alluring lifeboats in their yellow-and-white livery. Maybe there is a dystopian angle to the HBO series that I will surely end up pitching, one with shades of WALL-E or Snowpiercer . In a collapsed world, a Royal Caribbean–like cruise liner sails from port to port, collecting new shipmates and supplies in exchange for the precious energy it has on board. (The actual Icon features a new technology that converts passengers’ poop into enough energy to power the waterslides . In the series, this shitty technology would be greatly expanded.) A very young woman (18? 19?), smart and lonely, who has only known life on the ship, walks along the same track as I do now, contemplating jumping off into the surf left by its wake. I picture reusing Duck Necklace’s words in the opening shot of the pilot. The girl is walking around the track, her eyes on the horizon; maybe she’s highborn—a Suite—and we hear the voice-over: “I’m 19 and I’m ready to go. I just don’t want a shark to eat me.”

Before the cruise is finished, I talk to Mr. Washy Washy, or Nielbert of the Philippines. He is a sweet, gentle man, and I thank him for the earworm of a song he has given me and for keeping us safe from the dreaded norovirus. “This is very important to me, getting people to wash their hands,” he tells me in his burger getup. He has dreams, as an artist and a performer, but they are limited in scope. One day he wants to dress up as a piece of bacon for the morning shift.

THE MAIDEN VOYAGE OF THE TITANIC (the Icon of the Seas is five times as large as that doomed vessel) at least offered its passengers an exciting ending to their cruise, but when I wake up on the eighth day, all I see are the gray ghosts that populate Miami’s condo skyline. Throughout my voyage, my writer friends wrote in to commiserate with me. Sloane Crosley, who once covered a three-day spa mini-cruise for Vogue , tells me she felt “so very alone … I found it very untethering.” Gideon Lewis-Kraus writes in an Instagram comment: “When Gary is done I think it’s time this genre was taken out back and shot.” And he is right. To badly paraphrase Adorno: After this, no more cruise stories. It is unfair to put a thinking person on a cruise ship. Writers typically have difficult childhoods, and it is cruel to remind them of the inherent loneliness that drove them to writing in the first place. It is also unseemly to write about the kind of people who go on cruises. Our country does not provide the education and upbringing that allow its citizens an interior life. For the creative class to point fingers at the large, breasty gentlemen adrift in tortilla-chip-laden pools of water is to gather a sour harvest of low-hanging fruit.

A day or two before I got off the ship, I decided to make use of my balcony, which I had avoided because I thought the view would only depress me further. What I found shocked me. My suite did not look out on Central Park after all. This entire time, I had been living in the ship’s Disneyland, Surfside, the neighborhood full of screaming toddlers consuming milkshakes and candy. And as I leaned out over my balcony, I beheld a slight vista of the sea and surf that I thought I had been missing. It had been there all along. The sea was frothy and infinite and blue-green beneath the span of a seagull’s wing. And though it had been trod hard by the world’s largest cruise ship, it remained.

This article appears in the May 2024 print edition with the headline “A Meatball at Sea.” When you buy a book using a link on this page, we receive a commission. Thank you for supporting The Atlantic.

AT&T Data Breach: What AT&T Is Doing for the 73 Million Accounts Breached

If you're worry about your data, here's what you can do, including how to reset your AT&T account passcode.

AT&T said it has reset the passcodes for 7.6 million current customers, in response.

AT&T is now notifying 73 million current and former customers who had their personal information stolen. The company has let affected people know they can sign up for one free year of credit monitoring and identity theft detection through Experian's IdentityWorks.

The AT&T account breach appears to be from 2019 or earlier, the company said in a statement , and includes Social Security numbers and account information for approximately 65.4 million former customers and 7.6 million current account holders.

The data leak first came to light in 2021, when  hackers claimed they'd stolen customer data from AT&T  and would put the information up for sale. Fast-forward to March 2024, the stolen personal information was discovered on the dark web, according to Troy Hunt , creator of Have I Been Pwned . 

In response, AT&T said it has contacted the 7.6 million current customers and has reset their passcodes. Whether you're in the smaller set of current customers or the larger group of former account holders who think their data has been stolen in the breach, you can take steps to potentially lessen the damage of the breach. Read on for what you can do. AT&T didn't immediately respond to CNET's request for comment. 

For more, here are our picks for the best identity theft protection and monitoring services  and how Consumer Report's permission slip can help you take control of your online data . 

What to know about the AT&T data leak

AT&T on March 30 said that the personal information of 73 million current and former customers was leaked in mid-March to the dark web. The company said the stolen information appears to be from 2019 or earlier, and it does not know if the information came from AT&T or one of its vendors. 

What personal information was stolen in the AT&T breach?

According to AT&T , which customer and account data was stolen may vary by account, but thieves had access to customers' full name, email address, mailing address, phone number, Social Security number, date of birth, AT&T account number and passcode. AT&T said the information doesn't appear to contain personal financial information or call history. 

What is AT&T doing for the 73 million customers whose data was stolen?

In addition to resetting passcodes, AT&T said it is providing the 73 million current and former customers whose accounts were breached identity-theft and credit-monitoring services through  Experian's IdentityWorks for one year for free.

AT&T said customers need to sign up for identity theft protection service by Aug. 30, 2024.

What is an AT&T passcode?

A customer's passcode is essentially a numerical PIN and is usually four digits. A passcode is different from a password and is required to complete an AT&T installation, perform personal account functions by phone or contact technical support by phone, AT&T said.

How to reset your AT&T passcode

AT&T said it has already reset the passcodes for those active accounts where data was stolen but recommends if you haven't changed your passcode in the past year, you should change yours as a precaution. Here's how to change your AT&T passcode.

• Head to your  myAT&T Profile . Sign in, if asked. (If you have extra security enabled and can't sign in, AT&T says to choose  Get a new passcode )
• Scroll to  My linked accounts
• Select  Edit  for the passcode you want to update
• Follow the prompts to finish up

Where can you check if you are part of the AT&T breach

AT&T said it will email or mail a letter to the 7.6 million current customers whose data was stolen, explaining the incident, what information was compromised and what it is doing in response. The company said it has reset passcodes for affected current customers. The company said it is also communicating with the 65.4 million former account holders whose data was stolen.

You don't have to wait for AT&T to contact you. Using Have I Been Pwned , you can check whether your data has been leaked. If you store your password information in a Google account, the company's  Password Checkup tool can alert you if your account information has been exposed. The premium version of our favorite password manager , Bitwarden, can check for stolen passwords on the web. 

Changing your passcode and password, if AT&T hasn't contacted you, can help secure your account.

How to monitor your credit report for fraud

If you think your personal information was part of the AT&T breach, you can watch your credit reports for signs of potential fraud. 

Monitor your credit reports. You get one free credit report a year from the three major credit bureaus: Equifax , Experian and TransUnion . On your report, look for unusual or unfamiliar activity, such as the appearance of new accounts you didn't open. Watch your credit card accounts and bank statements for unexpected charges and payments.

Sign up for a credit monitoring service. Pick a credit monitoring service that constantly monitors your credit report on major credit bureaus and alerts you when it detects unusual activity. To help with the monitoring, you can set fraud alerts that notify you if someone is trying to use your identity to create credit. A credit-reporting service like LifeLock can start at $7.50 a month -- or you could use a free service like the one from Credit Karma . 

What to do if you suspect you're a victim of fraud or identity theft

As soon as you suspect your personal information has been stolen, take action to stop unauthorized charges and start to recover your identity.

Place a fraud alert. If you suspect fraud, place a fraud alert with each of the credit reporting companies: Equifax , Experian and TransUnion . The alert notifies creditors that you have been a victim of fraud and lets them know to verify new credit requests in your name. You can place an initial fraud alert, which stays on your credit report for 90 days, or an extended fraud alert, which stays on your credit report for seven years. Placing a fraud alert won't affect your credit score. 

Contact fraud departments. For each business and credit card company where you think an account was opened or charged without your knowledge, contact its fraud department. While you're not responsible for fraudulent charges to an account, you need to report the suspicious activity promptly.

Freeze your credit. If you want to stop anyone from opening credit and requesting loans and services in your name without your permission, you can freeze your credit. You will need to request a freeze with each of the three credit reporting companies, which again are  Equifax , Experian and TransUnion . To apply for new credit, you need to unfreeze your credit through each of the credit reporting companies. You can either request a temporary lift of the freeze or unfreeze it permanently.

Create a recovery plan.  The Federal Trade Commission has a valuable tool that helps you  report identity theft and recover your identity  through a personal recovery plan and  Identity Theft Report , which you can use to dispute charges.

Document everything. Keep copies of all documents and expenses and records of your conversations about the theft.

For more, here are our favorite password managers and the best VPN services . 

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Guest Essay

Many Patients Don’t Survive End-Stage Poverty

By Lindsay Ryan

Dr. Ryan is an associate physician at the University of California, San Francisco, department of medicine.

He has an easy smile, blue eyes and a life-threatening bone infection in one arm. Grateful for treatment, he jokes with the medical intern each morning. A friend, a fellow doctor, is supervising the man’s care. We both work as internists at a public hospital in the medical safety net , a loose term for institutions that disproportionately serve patients on Medicaid or without insurance. You could describe the safety net in another way, too, as a place that holds up a mirror to our nation.

What is reflected can be difficult to face. It’s this: After learning that antibiotics aren’t eradicating his infection and amputation is the only chance for cure, the man withdraws, says barely a word to the intern. When she asks what he’s thinking, his reply is so tentative that she has to prompt him to repeat himself. Now with a clear voice, he tells her that if his arm must be amputated, he doesn’t want to live. She doesn’t understand what it’s like to survive on the streets, he continues. With a disability, he’ll be a target — robbed, assaulted. He’d rather die, unless, he says later, someone can find him a permanent apartment. In that case, he’ll proceed with the amputation.

The psychiatrists evaluate him. He’s not suicidal. His reasoning is logical. The social workers search for rooms, but in San Francisco far more people need long-term rehousing than the available units can accommodate. That the medical care the patient is receiving exceeds the cost of a year’s rent makes no practical difference. Eventually, the palliative care doctors see him. He transitions to hospice and dies.

A death certificate would say he died of sepsis from a bone infection, but my friend and I have a term for the illness that killed him: end-stage poverty. We needed to coin a phrase because so many of our patients die of the same thing.

Safety-net hospitals and clinics care for a population heavily skewed toward the poor, recent immigrants and people of color. The budgets of these places are forever tight . And anyone who works in them could tell you that illness in our patients isn’t just a biological phenomenon. It’s the manifestation of social inequality in people’s bodies.

Neglecting this fact can make otherwise meticulous care fail. That’s why, on one busy night, a medical student on my team is scouring websites and LinkedIn. She’s not shirking her duties. In fact, she’s one of the best students I’ve ever taught.

This week she’s caring for a retired low-wage worker with strokes and likely early dementia who was found sleeping in the street. He abandoned his rent-controlled apartment when electrolyte and kidney problems triggered a period of severe confusion that has since been resolved. Now, with little savings, he has nowhere to go. A respite center can receive patients like him when it has vacancies. The alternative is a shelter bed. He’s nearly 90 years old.

Medical textbooks usually don’t discuss fixing your patient’s housing. They seldom include making sure your patient has enough food and some way to get to a clinic. But textbooks miss what my med students don’t: that people die for lack of these basics.

People struggle to keep wounds clean. Their medications get stolen. They sicken from poor diet, undervaccination and repeated psychological trauma. Forced to focus on short-term survival and often lacking cellphones, they miss appointments for everything from Pap smears to chemotherapy. They fall ill in myriad ways — and fall through the cracks in just as many.

Early in his hospitalization, our retired patient mentions a daughter, from whom he’s been estranged for years. He doesn’t know any contact details, just her name. It’s a long shot, but we wonder if she can take him in.

The med student has one mission: find her.

I love reading about medical advances. I’m blown away that with a brain implant, a person who’s paralyzed can move a robotic arm and that surgeons recently transplanted a genetically modified pig kidney into a man on dialysis. This is the best of American innovation and cause for celebration. But breakthroughs like these won’t fix the fact that despite spending the highest percentage of its G.D.P. on health care among O.E.C.D. nations, the United States has a life expectancy years lower than comparable nations—the U.K. and Canada— and a rate of preventable death far higher .

The solution to that problem is messy, incremental, protean and inglorious. It requires massive investment in housing, addiction treatment, free and low-barrier health care and social services. It calls for just as much innovation in the social realm as in the biomedical, for acknowledgment that inequities — based on race, class, primary language and other categories — mediate how disease becomes embodied. If health care is interpreted in the truest sense of caring for people’s health, it must be a practice that extends well beyond the boundaries of hospitals and clinics.

Meanwhile, on the ground, we make do. Though the social workers are excellent and try valiantly, there are too few of them , both in my hospital and throughout a country that devalues and underfunds their profession. And so the medical student spends hours helping the family of a newly arrived Filipino immigrant navigate the health insurance system. Without her efforts, he wouldn’t get treatment for acute hepatitis C. Another patient, who is in her 20s, can’t afford rent after losing her job because of repeated hospitalizations for pancreatitis — but she can’t get the pancreatic operation she needs without a home in which to recuperate. I phone an eviction defense lawyer friend; the young woman eventually gets surgery.

Sorting out housing and insurance isn’t the best use of my skill set or that of the medical students and residents, but our efforts can be rewarding. The internet turned up the work email of the daughter of the retired man. Her house was a little cramped with his grandchildren, she said, but she would make room. The medical student came in beaming.

In these cases we succeeded; in many others we don’t. Safety-net hospitals can feel like the rapids foreshadowing a waterfall, the final common destination to which people facing inequities are swept by forces beyond their control. We try our hardest to fish them out, but sometimes we can’t do much more than toss them a life jacket or maybe a barrel and hope for the best.

I used to teach residents about the principles of internal medicine — sodium disturbances, delirium management, antibiotics. I still do, but these days I also teach about other topics — tapping community resources, thinking creatively about barriers and troubleshooting how our patients can continue to get better after leaving the supports of the hospital.

When we debrief, residents tell me how much they struggle with the moral dissonance of working in a system in which the best medicine they can provide often falls short. They’re right about how much it hurts, so I don’t know exactly what to say to them. Perhaps I never will.

Lindsay Ryan is an associate physician at the University of California, San Francisco, department of medicine.

Source photographs by Bettmann and Fred W. McDarrah via Getty Images.

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