how to describe hope in creative writing

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Emotion: Hope

By The ProWritingAid Team

When you want to write the emotion hope, it's important to "show" the emotion your character is experiencing through their physical reactions and dialogue, rather than "tell" it. In this article we provide you with inspiration so you can avoid showing not telling and immerse your readers in your story.

Hope is an optimistic state of mind that is based on the expectation of positive outcomes or the belief that things will get better in the future. It is the feeling of desire and anticipation for something good to happen, even when the odds may seem unfavorable. Hope can provide motivation, comfort, and resilience during difficult times and can inspire people to take action to achieve their goals. In writing, hope can be portrayed through a character's actions, thoughts, and dialogue, as well as through the overall tone and theme of a story.

Different Types of Hope

Situations associated with hope, physical reactions to hope, thoughts associated with hope, atmosphere of hope, verbs associated with hope, emotions before hope, emotions after hope, telling hope examples to avoid, practical examples of showing hope, exercises for showing hope.

Here are some different types of hope:

• Optimistic hope: an expectation or belief that things will turn out positively in the future.
• Desperate hope: a feeling of hope that is born out of a desperate situation or circumstance.
• Nostalgic hope: a feeling of hope that is based on memories or past experiences.
• Resilient hope: a persistent and enduring hope that persists despite setbacks or difficulties.
• Inspirational hope: a hope that is based on the belief that one can achieve great things or make a positive impact on the world.
• Faith-based hope: a hope that is rooted in religious or spiritual beliefs.
• Empathetic hope: a hope that is driven by a desire to help others and make a positive impact on their lives.

Here are some situations where a character might experience the emotion of hope:

• Overcoming a difficult challenge or obstacle
• Seeing a positive change or improvement in their life or the lives of others
• Receiving support or encouragement from others
• Being inspired by someone or something
• Discovering new information or possibilities that offer a sense of hope for the future
• Reflecting on past successes or happy memories
• Hearing or reading about stories of resilience, perseverance, or triumph in the face of adversity
• Being given a second chance or opportunity to make things right
• Feeling a sense of purpose or meaning in their life or work

Here are some physical reactions a character experiencing hope might have:

• Upright posture and an open body language
• Bright and optimistic facial expressions such as a smile, raised eyebrows or widened eyes
• A sense of energy and enthusiasm
• A positive tone of voice with an upbeat pace
• Engages in activities that support their goals and dreams
• Seeks out opportunities and solutions to problems
• Displays a sense of determination and resilience
• Talks about the future with excitement and anticipation

Here are some thoughts a character experiencing hope might have:

• Maybe things will turn out okay after all.
• I have a good feeling about this.
• There's still a chance for a happy ending.
• I believe in myself and my abilities.
• I'm looking forward to the possibilities that the future holds.
• I'm excited to see what happens next.
• This setback is just a temporary obstacle.
• I'm willing to take risks and try new things.
• I trust that everything will work out for the best.

Here are some ways that you might reflect the emotion of hope in the atmosphere of your scene:

• Use bright colors and natural lighting to create a positive and uplifting atmosphere.
• Include symbols of hope, such as flowers, rainbows, or sunsets, to reinforce the emotion.
• Set the scene in a location that represents hope, such as a garden or a mountaintop.
• Use positive language and optimistic descriptions to describe the setting and characters.
• Include hopeful sounds, such as birds chirping or a gentle breeze, to enhance the mood.
• Show characters engaging in activities that represent hope, such as planting a garden or working towards a goal.
• Use metaphors or similes that evoke the feeling of hope, such as "her heart felt light and free, like a butterfly in the wind."

Here are some verbs commonly associated with the emotion of hope:

Here are some emotions that may come before a character experiences hope:

• Disappointment
• Frustration

Here are some emotions that may come after a character experiences hope:

• Resignation

Here are some examples of telling the emotion hope in a sentence. You should avoid things like this:

• She felt hopeful about her future.
• He hoped that things would work out in his favor.
• The news gave her a sense of hope.
• They held onto hope that they would find a way out of their predicament.
• The thought of a better tomorrow filled her with hope.
• He clung to the hope that his dreams would come true.
• The possibility of a happy ending filled her with hope.
• They prayed for hope in their darkest moments.
• The glimmer of hope in his eyes was unmistakable.

Here are some examples of showing hope in a sentence:

• Sarah gazed at the sunrise, feeling a rush of optimism for the day ahead.
• Despite the difficulties, John continued to work hard, believing that success was within reach.
• As she read the letter from her long-lost friend, Emily felt her heart swell with anticipation of their reunion.
• The little girl smiled brightly as she clutched her new toy, imagining all the adventures they would have together.

Here are some writing exercises to practice showing hope:

• Start with defining what hope means to your character. What does it look like, feel like, and sound like? What are the specific things they hope for?
• Write a scene where your character is feeling hopeless. Then, rewrite the scene to show how hope is slowly restored. What actions, thoughts, or interactions with others help bring hope back to your character?
• Write a letter from your character to their future self, expressing their hopes and dreams. What would they like to achieve, and how do they plan to get there?
• Write a scene where your character encounters a situation that challenges their hope. How do they react, and how do they overcome this challenge? What does this tell you about their character and their relationship to hope?
• Use sensory details to convey hope in your writing. Describe the way the sun shines, the wind blows, or the birds sing to create a sense of optimism in your reader.

Want more help with showing emotion instead of telling? You find more help in our full emotions list .

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How to Describe Happiness: 100 Phrases

You’d think figuring out how to describe happiness would be easy…

but when you’re trying to think of how to express happiness in a sentence, it’s easy to draw a blank. That’s why I’m sharing this list of ways to describe happiness, excitement, and joy. I hope these happy phrases help with your novel, story, or whatever you’re writing!

When I shared my Master List of Ways to Describe Anger the other week, on my Facebook author page , one person told me she expected a paywall when she clicked. That was a pretty nice compliment! So I thought I’d do one on how to describe happiness, too. Most of the time, you can express emotions through internal monologue, dialogue, and actions. Once in a while, though, you run into the need to describe the feeling in the point of view of your character.

There are really infinite ways to convey emotion in writing. I have 100 ways here to write about happiness, joy, contentment, hope, and gratitude here. They’re not in any particular order — really, it’s just the order that I thought of them. 🙂

They aren’t all going to be ones you use personally, because every writer is different! Chances are, they’ll make you think of even more words and phrases.

How to Describe Happiness

his heart leaped up for joy

he felt a surge of happiness

I was paralyzed with happiness

their mood lifted

she was bursting with joy

he could hardly contain his happiness

his mood lightened

my spirits brightened

hope bloomed inside her

happiness glowed inside him

he felt a sudden flare of joy

I could barely conceal my delight

they were flabbergasted with joy

sunshine flooded her soul

his spirits were flying high

her hopes soared

she felt like her feet barely touched the ground

joy engulfed me

it cheered her soul

joy took hold of him

inside, she was smiling

she almost jumped for joy

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happiness overtook him

she took a defiant joy in it

happiness streaked through him like a comet

a quiet contentment spread through him

contentment filled her heart

happiness trembled inside of her

his heart dared to hope

happiness swelled within her

gratitude flowed through her

had she ever been happier in her life?

it elevated his mood

he couldn’t think of a time he’d ever been happier

their joy unfolded like a flower

she felt a glimmer of happiness

he felt dizzy with excitement

joy rushed through me

my happiness was so intense it scared me

he thought he would die of joy

her heart was singing

she felt drunk with happiness

he was intoxicated with joy

his heart throbbed with happiness

she burned with a fierce joy

happiness crept over him

it was almost more happiness than she could take

he knew a profound joy

her happiness grew

I was wild with joy

happiness expanded inside him

they were suffused with happiness

joy sparkled inside her

happiness shimmered inside me

happiness danced through her thoughts

he almost collapsed with happiness

it raised his spirits

it brought my spirits up

contentment warmed her from within

happiness radiated through him

he’d never felt more alive

she felt fully and wonderfully alive

I was filled with joyful energy

she could’ve wept for joy

I wanted to shout for joy

he was weak with gratitude

his heart pounded with happiness

she savored the feeling of contentment

a sudden feeling of happiness surprised him

an unexpected happiness consumed her

happiness made me feel invincible

joy rippled through him

gratitude welled up inside her

he felt a flush of happiness

happiness resonated through him

she was transported with joy

it was almost too much happiness to bear

contentment tiptoed into her heart

he was overcome with happiness

he’d unearthed a greater joy than any he’d ever known

her spirits bounded higher

it brought him a ray of happiness

she felt a whisper of happiness

he felt an inkling of joy

she felt a stab of hope

satisfaction settled in his soul

happiness washed over her

his soul took flight

she felt in love with the whole world

he had no words for the gratitude he felt

she was buzzing with happiness

she felt like she was floating

he was in heaven

she was treasuring every moment

she surrendered to bliss

the weight lifted from my soul

he felt a solemn sense of happiness

joy bubbled up inside of her

his happiness overflowed

my heart almost broke with joy

I’m curious: if you read the whole list straight through, did it make you feel happier? It had that effect on me!

Either way, I hope you’re happy to have the list! And if you you like lists for writers, check out my book Master Lists for Writers, if you haven’t already!

Do you have some ideas about how to describe happiness? Would you like to share an example of a description of happiness from your own writing? Please go ahead in the comments section below! Thanks for stopping by, and happy writing!

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46 thoughts on “ how to describe happiness: 100 phrases ”.

Bryn, your posts are always filled with such awesome information for the reader and writer in all of us! Thanks so much for taking time out of your busy life to do this. And, yes, I was smiling towards the end!

Hi, Marcia! Oh, I’m so glad you like them. 🙂

Yup! U r right!

I love these lists. I print them out and use them regularly. They help inspire and find the right words. I use them as a cheat sheet.

Constance, I’m so glad they’re helpful! I do think of them as “cheat sheets” (except it’s not really cheating, of course!)

These are great! And SO helpful!! <3

Hi, Caro! Aw thanks. Hope you’re having a great week!

You helped me improve in my composition a lot.THANK YOU!???

I absolutely love your lists. I refer to them all the time when I find myself needing inspiration or repeating too many phrases. Thank you so much for sharing.

Ohh, thank you friend. 🙂

Wonderful list! Thank you, Bryn.

Thank you so much. I’m so happy that I’ll no longer spend minutes trying to convey a simple emotion and it’s all thanks to you!

Thanks, Bryn. These are great descriptions. 🙂 — Suzanne

Thanks Bryn, I’ve saved this and will use it often. Happiness has crept over me! Cary

How amazing! Where do you get all these ideas from?

Aw thanks! It took me a long time. 🙂

How long????

Thanks for this wonderful list about happiness

I was wondering on Google and I found this!!! Such a lovely article ? I too write on aintyouliving.blogspot.com from India. Hopefully you’ll find something interesting on my blog. Well, love from India ♥️

This was so useful! I started using a few in my everyday writing and it’s made a huge difference

This is a great post and a huge help for writers like myself. Amazing information! Thank you.

Hi Margie! Thanks—I am so glad you found it useful!

Hi! I kind of used this in my writing. Thank you so much!

What I wrote: The room erupted in cheers. People were laughing and smiles were everywhere. Thank GOODNESS! I could barely conceal my happiness. Joy and relief welled up inside of me, and I sighed. I let out the deep breath that I had been holding onto for what seemed like a long time. My job here was done and my dream… had come true.

Ashlyn, so glad it helped. And I love what you wrote! Thanks for sharing!

Wow! Amazing ?! I LOVE it!!!

what an amazing list of words, enjoyed it thank you!!

they helped me a lot in my creative writings.

Wow,Bryn! Thank you ?! I use it a lot on my Compositions!

OMG this is priceless, thank you thank you thank you thank you! Bless your soul for this.

thx, my child now gets high marks for her compo

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awww you are soo sweet,you are helpful you are a role modelll:)

thanks this really helped with my compo ???

my god! Amazing stuff!, huge round of Applause!!

I am Sheema Suroor Mohammad

Thanks heaps great list!!

Thank you. This is exactly what i was looking for. Please note that you are helping emerging authors with this your list that i personally refer to as inexhaustible list.

That is an impressive list! Thanks for sharing!

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Happy to learn happiness in so many words, Wonder how it comprehends so wide! Thank you so much.

this really helped me and i fucking hate you

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I found this website a couple of days ago, and let me tell you, I love it so much! These are so helpful when trying to make things sound interesting without using the same phrases over and over again! Thank you for making these!

Simply amazing. Very well listed. we do find words but not phrases. And you have done an fantastic work by putting them in phrases and Its not just saved our time but you made me learn a many of them. Thank you so much.

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Hope Adjectives: Describing Words With Examples

When it comes to hope, words have the power to inspire, uplift, and fuel our spirits. Adjectives, in particular, play a vital role in painting a vivid picture of hope. They add depth, emotion, and nuance to our descriptions, helping us to articulate the essence of this powerful feeling. In this article, I’ll be sharing a collection of adjectives that beautifully capture the essence of hope, along with examples to illustrate their usage. Whether you’re a writer looking to add more color to your prose or simply seeking to express your own sense of hope, these descriptive words will serve as a valuable resource.

Table of Contents

How to Describe hope? – Different Scenarios

1. Bright and Radiant Hope

In moments of joy and anticipation, hope can be described as radiant and glowing. Here are a few adjectives that capture this sense of brightness:

2. Resilient and Enduring Hope

3. Boundless and Limitless Hope

Hope knows no bounds and can stretch beyond what seems possible. Here are some adjectives that exemplify this boundless nature:

Remember, these adjectives are just a starting point to help you express the diverse facets of hope. Feel free to combine words or come up with your own adjectives that resonate with you and the particular scenario you want to illustrate.

In the next section, we’ll dive into practical examples of how these adjectives can be used to describe hope in everyday life.

Describing Words for hope in English

When it comes to describing hope, there are countless adjectives that capture its essence. In this section, I’ll provide you with a selection of descriptive words for hope, along with examples of how you can use them in everyday life. Let’s dive in!

1. Bright: When hope shines through, it illuminates our lives with its radiance. It’s like a beacon of light that guides us towards better days. For example, “Even in the darkest of times, her bright hope never wavered.”

2. Resilient: Hope is often characterized by its ability to withstand adversity. It’s like a strong and resilient force that keeps us going, even in the face of challenges. For example, “Despite the setbacks, their resilient hope kept them moving forward.”

4. Optimistic: Hope is inherently optimistic, always looking towards a brighter future. It’s that unwavering belief that things will eventually work out for the best. For example, “Despite the setbacks, he remained optimistic, knowing that hope would lead the way.”

5. Empowering: Hope empowers us to take action and make positive changes in our lives. It gives us the strength to overcome obstacles and achieve our goals. For example, “With hope as her driving force, she empowered herself to make a difference in the world.”

Remember, these are just a few examples of adjectives that can be used to describe hope. Feel free to explore and find your own words that resonate with you. Incorporate them into your conversations, writing, and daily affirmations to cultivate a sense of hope in your life.

Now that we’ve explored these descriptive words for hope, let’s move on to the next section where we’ll delve into practical examples of how these adjectives can be used in different contexts.

Adjectives for hope

Hope is a powerful and uplifting emotion that can bring light and positivity to our lives. It is the feeling of optimism and belief in a better future. One way to express and describe hope is through the use of adjectives – words that capture its essence and convey its meaning. In this section, I will share some positive and negative adjectives for hope, along with example sentences, to help you better understand and articulate this inspiring emotion.

Positive Adjectives for Hope

Negative Adjectives for Hope

While hope is predominantly associated with positivity, there are also negative adjectives that can be used to describe it. Here are five examples along with sentences to demonstrate their usage:

Remember, adjectives have the power to bring emotions and descriptions to life. Using these adjectives, you can paint a vivid picture of hope and inspire others with your words. Incorporate them into your conversations, writing, and daily affirmations to cultivate a sense of hope in your own life and share it with those around you.

Synonyms and Antonyms with Example Sentences

Synonyms for hope.

Antonyms for hope

On the other hand, there are also antonyms for hope that can describe its absence or the lack of positive expectation. These antonyms add depth to our understanding and help us appreciate the value of hope. Here are some antonyms for hope along with example sentences:

By understanding these synonyms and antonyms, we can better articulate the concept of hope and its different nuances. Incorporating these words into our vocabulary can help us express our feelings and experiences more precisely.

Throughout the article, I have also introduced synonyms and antonyms for hope, along with example sentences, to help readers expand their understanding of this complex emotion. By exploring these alternative words, we can gain a deeper appreciation for the multifaceted nature of hope and find new ways to articulate it.

By incorporating these adjectives, synonyms, and antonyms into our daily conversations and writing, we can enrich our expressions of hope and convey its nuances more precisely. Whether we are expressing unwavering optimism or acknowledging the challenges that come with hope, these descriptive words offer a range of options to capture the essence of this powerful emotion.

I hope this article has been informative and has inspired you to explore the world of adjectives for hope. Remember, words have the power to shape our thoughts and emotions, so let’s embrace the beauty of language and express hope in all its vibrant forms.

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feeling optimistic - quotes and descriptions to inspire creative writing

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Hope beads my skin like dew on spring grass. I feel it radiating in to soothe my blood. If forms such perfect spheres, each one like a tiny world of its own. I can't know for sure that today will be better than yesterday, or if this is time we win, but I'm optimistic and that's the best I can say.

You can turn off all the lights and still there is a flame in my soul, always burning for love, always ready to start a new blaze. That's why I feel optimistic. I can close my eyes and feel the positivity flow, recharging my neurones until they rekindle and spark. So call me "baby," call me "angel" or call me "everlasting fire"; my hope will never be extinguished before my earthly time is done.

Even though the dawn is still some time away, there is a light in my heart that was missing just yesterday. Right now it is a spark of hope, a ray of sunshine yet to be born, but it is there and I feel it. Perhaps that is optimism, the anticipation of good things to come. It is a feeling I haven't had in so long that if feels as foreign as it is welcome.

As the sun creeps over the horizon I feel more optimistic than ever before. The enemy has taken some significant hits, shown more signs of a willingness to negotiate. It isn't a matter of trust, but one of showing there is no advantage to them in continuing this battle. Should they fight it is mutually assured destruction, if they stop we leave them to live in their dysfunctional mess. We never came at them asking for war, only hoping to be left in peace. Always the enemy wants material advantage, lost in the seductive allure of power. It has now been demonstrated that their victory is impossible. They may of course now choose the MAD, we can't be sure. But like all life they should have the preference for self-preservation.

The snow comes, white and glistening, erasing the troubles beneath, directing me toward a new and positive day. The coldness only crispens up my resolve to find love today. Perhaps in this swirling perfect whiteness that gives perfect crystalline kisses, the coolness in the air will rejuvenate my soul, elevate my spirit and give me new reasons to step forward with confidence. It might be winter but there is beauty in it, clarity, the kind of thinking that lets me notice small details like how the trees through bare have the promise of spring within them, like the creator Himself lies dormant in the branches, ready to burst forth and greet the world with His many hues of green.

We both see delicate spring blooms. I see life as so robust that the flowers come back season after season, Igor sees them as transitory - soon to be trampled under foot. We both feel the sunlight growing stronger. I feel warmth and look forward to the harvest, Igor shrinks inside and worries about burns and insect bites. We both know the goodness in our community. I know we can push forwards and grow in an enlightened way, Igor "knows" that the people from other religions will come to spoil it and take over, ruining our progress. But Igor confuses knowledge with fear. There are so many problems in the world, I'm not blind to it, my eyes are open too. But I don't see big religion, people as part of "herds" or "gangs," I see billions of broken hearts reaching out to know they are loved by the Divine, and they are. All of them, every single one. So I'm feeling optimistic. Our enemy isn't people at all, they are all born in innocence, there never was an "evil" baby. Cultures shape our minds, religions can inspire goodness or fear and bigotry. Cultures can change if infused with Love and mutual understanding. Fear breeds fear and shuts us off from the true inner voice of our moral compass. People are good, human nature is just fine, culture we can change and more rapidly than people think. I reach out with Love because Love heals, Love makes us whole, Love elevates us to better and more noble thought patterns. The glass is still half full and I know we can make it if we try.

The avenue was gilded with gold yet the leaves hadn't yet started to fall. Jenny raised her eyes to the garland above that was so stark against the cloudless sky. It was picture book perfect. Perhaps tomorrow there would be some scattered over the sidewalk, hiding some of the grey. That was truly her favourite time, she walked over them like a celebrity to her own movie premier, her held high and her eyes higher. She sucked in the air, how she'd missed the moistness after the dry August heat. She could wear her woollen coats and boots right to her knees. She was the queen of her own life and the trees stood as if dressed for her coronation. The street lamps sent down a soft glow and the hum of the city around her was better than an orchestra. This was the start of the rest of her life, she could feel it.

Janelle is feeling optimistic today. My task is to find out why. She has hope yet by now we should have stamped it right out of her. She should be crying on the floor not smiling from the first floor window. Tiger made it obvious what we can do, take whatever we want, whoever we want. So today my job is to stick close, observe, listen. If there is something there we don't know about we want full details and until we do I'm forbidden to terminate her.

Is the night a shroud of blackness or a soft velvet cloak? Does the wintry wind chill your bones or awaken your spirit? Do spring flowers simply die or are their petals the most beautiful of confetti? Does icy rain steal your joy or steel your resolve? Are children expensive or priceless? Is a friend in need a problem or a blessing - a rare opportunity to show that your love for them is real? How we see the world makes us who we are.

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Enchanting Marketing

Writing advice for small business

How to Infuse Your Writing with Warmth, Hope and Kindness

by Henneke | 47 enchanting opinions, add yours? :)

Sometimes, blogging feels futile.

When you started writing, it was easy to be enthusiastic.

You’d like to speak up and get heard. But you feel like you’re whispering in a world that’s too noisy, too crowded, too busy.

You’d like to reach out to people, warm their hearts, and guide them in this crazy world.

But somehow, along the way, your writing lost its soul.

Want to put your soul back into your writing? And reach out through your screen to touch your readers?

Start with yourself

If we want to write with kindness, we have to start with being friendly and helpful to ourselves.

In her book How to Communicate Like a Buddhist , Cynthia Kane recommends we start with listening to our self-talk:

1. Pay attention to your words and speech 2. Pay attention to your feelings 3. See yourself with friendly eyes

When I started to pay more attention to my self-talk, I noticed recurring themes. One narrative is that I’m not good enough to run my own business because I don’t possess an entrepreneurial gene. Another theme is that I’m incapable of taking care of my damaged body.

Once you recognize patterns in your self-criticism and sense the insecurity or fear behind it, you can change your narrative and view yourself with friendlier eyes. What would you tell a friend if she had the same thoughts and feelings as you? For instance …

“You might think you’re doing a bad job taking care of your body, but I know it’s not easy when you feel exhausted. You take breaks. You go for walks. You’ve cut your working hours and work virtually stress-free. You’re doing a lot of things right, and you keep getting better at practicing extreme self-care.”

When we stop criticizing ourselves, we can stop covering up our insecurities. We don’t have to pretend anymore we know more than we do. That’s the first step in becoming less judgmental and more compassionate to others, too.

How friendly are you to yourself?

(Note: If you struggle with negative self-talk, I highly recommend Kane’s book—it’s far more practical and down to earth than the title suggests.)

The ‘secret’ of getting into a positive mood

Writing online is tricky.

Because, let’s be honest, not all readers are nice.

No matter how generous you are, no matter how much you care, no matter how hard you try, you’ll always get critical emails or comments.

And if those comments stick in your mind and poison your thoughts, it’s hard to write with compassion.

So, before you start writing, avoid negative distractions—don’t read your email and don’t watch the news.

Then sit down and imagine one of your favorite readers: the reader who’s supportive and writes lovely comments, the reader who always tweets your posts, the reader who asks questions or who inspires you to keep writing. The reader you know you want to help.

Your favorite reader might not even exist. Can you imagine what he’d be like? Can you imagine he’s looking forward to reading your blog post? Can you imagine how grateful he is to receive your advice? Can you feel good about helping him?

Start writing with a generous mindset, and your kindness will shine through your voice.

Forget about authority

The standard advice for bloggers is to position yourself as an authority.

And it’s true that readers come to you for your expertise. But when we try too hard to be the expert, we create a distance with our readers. We put ourselves on a pedestal and risk talking down to our readers.

So, don’t write as an authority, but as a fellow human being with your own human flaws. Be honest. Don’t brag. Don’t exaggerate. And don’t belittle your readers.

Cynthia Kane starts her book with sharing her own story:

For many years I relied on others as a communication style. What I mean is I rarely expressed any of my needs or wants, thinking that others would just be able to pick up on them. I would pretend everything was fine, say yes when I really wanted to say no, or go along with what I knew others wanted to hear. Never expressing myself meant I was bubbling with passive-aggressive quips, all the time frustrated and reacting because my needs weren’t being met.

Kane doesn’t undermine, but strengthens her authority; and her compassion shines through. By showing her own vulnerability, she makes us feel comfortable with our own mistakes so we can learn.

In contrast, when we focus too much on authority, we risk making our readers feel inept or even scared to admit their mistakes. That might block their ability to learn.

Here’s an example paragraph from Flow by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi:

Everything the body can do is potentially enjoyable. Yet many people ignore this capacity, and use their physical equipment as little as possible, leaving its ability to provide flow unexploited. When left undeveloped, the senses give us chaotic information: an untrained body moves in random and clumsy ways, an insensitive eye presents ugly or uninteresting sights, the unmusical ear mainly hears jarring noises, the coarse palate knows only insipid tastes.

The writer doesn’t address me, as the reader, directly because he writes about “many people.” But still … he makes me feel inept because I’m not always mindful and I haven’t fully developed my sensory capabilities. The writer sounds as an authority, but negativity and judgment seep through.

For a more compassionate tone, consider the inclusive “we”—the type of “we” showing we’re all in it together. Here’s an example from the book The Compassionate Mind by Paul Gilbert:

When we get depressed, worried, or pre-occupied, we can withdraw from the world of the senses and from being fully ‘in the moment’ and instead become focused on our thoughts about tomorrow or yesterday or our feelings of heaviness or the butterflies and anxiety or dread.

Gilbert doesn’t judge us; he shows he understands why we’re not always mindful, so we don’t need to feel bad about it. He then addresses us directly, using the word “you,” to encourage us to be more mindful:

So while you’re out walking, direct your attention and notice the sky – keep your focus there. Notice its changing colour from the horizon to overhead, or the rushing of the clouds or their shapes or how the light catches different aspects of them.

Writing is tricky because we can’t see whom we’re writing for, we can’t see disappointment, anger or confusion on our reader’s face.

But we can try stepping into the shoes of our favorite reader—a real or imaginary reader. When you read content through their eyes, can you sense what they might think? Can you think of ways to make them feel less insecure and more positive?

Writing with compassion matters

Sometimes, it may feel easier to view the world in terms of experts and amateurs, good and bad, pro and anti, insiders and outsiders.

But when we view the world in binary choices, we miss the kaleidoscope of colors, shades, and differences. We miss the fascinating diversity and beauty of humankind. We might even forget each person is a fellow human being with their own fears and frustrations, their own dreams and wishes.

Instead of judging other’s opinions, let’s listen to where they’re coming from. Appreciate we all have different experiences coloring our views.

We might not think we can change the world.

But we can make tiny ripples.

So, let compassion guide your writing. Allow hope to shine through your content.

And offer a glimmer of light and love.

PS Thank you to Ray Khan for inspiring this post.

Recommended reading on an engaging writing style:

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Reader Interactions

Leave a comment and join the conversation cancel reply.

January 31, 2024 at 3:51 pm

I liked how to use “we” when narrating and then change to “you” when talking individually. And not trying too hard to come across as the “expert.”

February 1, 2024 at 10:09 am

Yes! I think if we’re using both “you” and the inclusive “we,” our writing becomes more like a conversation with a good friend. It feels more welcoming, almost intimate.

Thank you for stopping by, Donna.

June 4, 2022 at 7:45 pm

This is a timely article, Henneke! I don’t ever want to offend my readers or put myself on a pedestal and make them feel inferior. My negative thinking — who I am at that moment — can seep into my writing and do a lot of damage. I never want that. Writing is more than just words. Thanks for reminding me with your awesome content!

June 6, 2022 at 11:00 am

How we think about ourselves can influence our writing so much. It helps me to pay attention to my self-talk and then try to adopt the tone of a kind coach (or a good friend) towards myself.

I know you don’t want to offend your readers nor want to make them feel inferior! You’re starting from the right attitude.

November 16, 2021 at 1:55 pm

Love your message of writing to touch others, Henneke. What occurs to me is that we don’t need to make waves to change the world. Thanks for amazing content!

November 16, 2021 at 3:14 pm

Thank you, Barbara. I appreciate your comment. Happy writing!

February 14, 2021 at 12:48 pm

Well, you did it to me again. I was just about to hit the sack when I noticed a new email from Henneke, so of course I clicked on the link, and now I’m on the third article. My eyes are burning and my forehead is pounding with sleepiness, but I can’t stop reading this great stuff. If I collapse from exhaustion, it’ll be your fault.

Love your stuff.

February 14, 2021 at 7:08 pm

Oh no! I’m so sorry I’m keeping you awake. You do know my writing will wait for you until you have time to read, don’t you?

September 21, 2018 at 3:02 am

The other day I posted a comment on our business page, not paying attention to the fact it could be controversial. Some responders had an opposite viewpoint. Thank you Henneke for this content – I was prepared to listen, empathize, and thank them for their input. Some responses led to asking for suggestions on a different way to handle the concern. This one little post had more engagement than any other. I may not have pleased everyone and some may still feel I was wrong or didn’t care. However, I didn’t ignore the challenge.

September 23, 2018 at 7:59 pm

It sounds like a difficult challenge that you met with grace!

June 4, 2017 at 8:10 am

Henneke, Thank you for putting your finger on an important UACP (uncommonly acknowledged common problem). In business, we all *need* to sound authoritative, but many of we sensitive souls *yearn* to be kind and supportive toward our clients. For warm, compassionate people, we want the musical notes of our business communications to chime in harmony with the beautiful songs inside our hearts. When I worked as a lawyer I always struggled internally when I saw my bosses take a “too-authoritative” tone with clients. Many successful professionals struggle to strike the right balance in their tone – even after decades of experience. It’s one of those issues that’s invisible to most and blindingly painful to a select few. Thank you for uncovering some stepping stones we more empathetic types can use to help us find our own unique way to balance the warmth & authority in our voice. The business worlds need to hear OUR authentic voices, too!

June 6, 2017 at 11:39 am

And thank you for explaining the abbreviation UACP to me, Claire 🙂

I agree with you that only few of us seem to cringe when a tone becomes overly authoritative. But once you know how to mix warmth and authority, it’s actually not so hard to sound both professional and human, to sound like expert who cares.

Thank you for your lovely comment!

February 22, 2017 at 5:28 pm

Excellent post as usual.

I read this one twice and think of it whole day.It delivered a powerful msg of compassion.

“But when we view the world in binary choices, we miss the kaleidoscope of colors, shades, and differences. We miss the fascinating diversity and beauty of humankind. We might even forget each person is a fellow human being with their own fears and frustrations, their own dreams, and wishes”.

These lines touched me and make me calmer.Thanks Henneke for showing a great perspective.You are a living Content Writing Institute. You amplify every topic so easily and seamlessly, within it I feel your compassion:)

November 22, 2016 at 6:42 pm

I completely agree with this point, “don’t write as an authority, but as a fellow human being with your own human flaws. Be honest. Don’t brag. Don’t exaggerate. And don’t belittle your readers.”

I think many people, when they try to write as an authority, try to hide their failures and bad moments … thinking it makes them weak or damages their brand. That’s far from the case because some of the best blogs / sites, are so transparent with their writing — and their readers love it.

Wonderful post here with a great message.

– Andrew

November 22, 2016 at 7:26 pm

I agree with you—when blogs are transparent and human, it’s far easier to connect and come back week after week.

Thank you for stopping by to comment, Andrew. I appreciate it!

November 16, 2016 at 12:34 pm

Great points Henneke and right on the button, just sent my newsletter today (emails and conflict they might cause) and got an email from a previous client wondering if I was writing only to her (!…would that I had the time to do that!) because I thought she might be writing ‘inappropriate’ emails etc… so can def see the resonances for me in the contrast you made between ‘Flow’ extract and Kane’s more compassionate writing…, the need to be less ‘schoolmarmish’ in my approach and Katherine’s point above neatly captures the learning … about when to use ‘you’ and ‘we’ to best effect…

November 17, 2016 at 4:22 pm

Thank you, Mary. I like your phrase “schoolmarmish.” 🙂

When your readers feel like you’ve written an email personally for them, then you’re addressing issues they’re struggling with. Sounds like you’re on the right track!

November 17, 2016 at 9:21 pm

Thanks Henneke, yes, I was thinking that too… I must be hitting home with the messages!

November 16, 2016 at 9:09 am

This post was just what I needed. ‘Start with a generous mindset, and your kindness will shine through your voice.’ Love every word of this.

Thanks for sharing your thoughts with us.

November 16, 2016 at 9:13 am

Thank you for your lovely comment, Charlotte. I appreciate it.

Happy writing!

November 15, 2016 at 6:40 pm

Once again, you hit the nail right on the head. I really needed to “hear” this. As always, thanks for the inspirational words! I’m dumbfounded anytime you mention that writing wasn’t always your strong suit; you’re a phenomenal writer.

November 16, 2016 at 9:10 am

It’s is true. I never thought of myself as a writer and have never had a secret ambition to write a novel. I only started writing seriously late 2011 and published my first guest post in April 2012. Enchanting Marketing didn’t start until November 2012.

Thank you for your lovely compliment, Storm!

November 15, 2016 at 6:01 pm

This post will help me keep on track with my writing Henneke. One thing I am going to do that I have not been is to have a clear picture of my customer avatar in front of me when I write my blog posts. Being kind to one’s self, so one may be kind to others is easier said than done. Compassion goes a long way.

November 16, 2016 at 9:07 am

Yes, that’s so true. It isn’t easy to be kind to oneself, and I find it requires a continuous effort, but it’s worth it.

Thank you for inspiring this post, Ray!

November 15, 2016 at 5:40 pm

Hi, Henneke! I agree, both “you” and “we” must appear in our writing, instead of more impersonal terms. And from this great post, I think I’ve learned when to switch between them. I think I will try it out and see how it feels, how it works out. Basically, it makes sense to use “we” when describing the problem, to make it obvious that all people can make these mistakes; then use “you” when encouraging, to help the reader visualize self inside the encouraging picture we describe. So: We are prone to forgetting the reader is a person. We preach, we hide our own faults, and we are just as hard on ourselves. However, if you imagine the reader as a personal friend, she becomes a pure interest you can reach out to, lending a hand and displaying true hope for her success, which is true to your original purpose, after all. The other “take away” from this post, for me, is that, “Writing is tricky because we can’t see whom we’re writing for, we can’t see disappointment, anger or confusion on our reader’s face.” However, we can express even that. We can say, “I cannot read your mind, see your face, hear you groan or laugh! So write me! Tell me how this helps, or even how it doesn’t help! Help me help you!” Or something like that. I can imagine it now. I would certainly reply to such an appeal, honest, real, and from the heart. Thanks for all you give, and for the pure truth in it, Henneke!

November 16, 2016 at 9:06 am

“if you imagine the reader as a personal friend, she becomes a pure interest you can reach out to, lending a hand and displaying true hope for her success, which is true to your original purpose, after all.” This is such a great summary. Isn’t that what blogging is about?

I love your idea for an honest appeal to readers to say what they think and tell you how you can help!

November 15, 2016 at 5:23 pm

“Writing is tricky because we can’t see whom we’re writing for, we can’t see disappointment, anger or confusion on our reader’s face.”

Henneke, this is why I find writing hard. Without seeing the body language and facial expressions of my reader, it’s hard for me to feel assured that my words will resonate.

I look at the picture of my reader persona as I’m writing and that helps somewhat.

November 15, 2016 at 5:32 pm

I sometimes find it hard to step into a reader’s shoes when writing (as I’m too focused on trying to formulate my thoughts). I find it easier to distance myself from my writing, and evaluate how it might come across to someone else when I read it the next day, while editing. Reading aloud helps me, too.

For me, it’s also been a matter of practice. Over time, it’s become easier to pick up someone’s voice when I’m reading, and that also helps me evaluate my own tone in my content.

November 15, 2016 at 3:29 pm

Love your message of writing to touch others, Henneke. What occurs to me is that we don’t need to make waves to change the world. Ripples are enough.

November 15, 2016 at 5:18 pm

I find it easy to feel powerless, but when I can focus on making a tiny ripple, it makes me feel better. And a lot of tiny ripples will have to create some waves, right?

November 15, 2016 at 3:04 pm

If only compassion could replace hate, we’d learn to be more open-minded all the way around, maybe. Interestingly, it probably starts within ourselves, and how we carry on a critical inner dialogue and then our attitudes filter to the world—and our writing work.

It’s hard. Our bodies betray us. Writing to make a ripple, if only tiny, is hard. And yet, we hope our inner light will shine out bright enough to be worthy. Worthy of who or what, I don’t know but still, at least for me, I try to be and stay positive. I try to do the best writing I can to offer something, anything, to make that tiny—and I hope positive—ripple!

Every week when you share a post, it makes me think more. About my writing. And about me, too, sometimes, like this week. Am I taking an authority attitude when I write? Do I talk too much about me? Am I finding the right words? Does a reader understand what I mean? Do I bring something of value?

Thank you for making me think, and feel, and want to do better with each piece of work, Henneke! Thankful this thankful season:)) Sue-Ann

November 15, 2016 at 5:15 pm

Replacing hate with compassion feels like an insurmountable task. I often feel powerless. But I do truly believe that we all can make our own tiny ripples and spread a little kindness in the world. If we all try hard enough, then it must make a difference 🙂

Feeling thankful for having you as a reader, too, Sue-Ann. I appreciate your lovely comment.

I so agree.

Aren’t I boring? 😉

November 15, 2016 at 5:11 pm

Not as boring as I am 😉

November 15, 2016 at 5:12 pm

November 15, 2016 at 2:42 pm

You cannot love another person unless you first love yourself…can’t believe it applies to writing as well…I now know what to do with those voices in my head! Thank you

Yep, so true … “You cannot love another person unless you first love yourself…”

Thank you for your lovely comment, Ida. I appreciate it!

November 15, 2016 at 1:21 pm

Henneke, you have lots of lovely readers. Just look at the comments you get after every post. 🙂 I believe like attracts like. Could you imagine following Jeremy Paxman’s blog for years? Surely you’d lose the will to live. That’s one expert opinion I can live without on a regular basis. Anyway. Thanks for taking away my self-doubts for the day. Now I can get on with editing my poxy attempts at writing. Have a great day.

November 15, 2016 at 5:09 pm

Yes, you’re right. I always feel grateful for the lovely comments I get.

I sometimes get ugly-ish emails but I’ve learned to accept that quite often it has nothing to do with me. Someone is just in a bad mood and vents it on me.

Happy writing, Kerstin!

November 15, 2016 at 7:14 pm

I think the only positive you can take away from the emails is that they are proof you are making ripples. It seems the more compassionate people are the more they attract the haters. It’s sad, but you are far from unusual in that regards.

November 15, 2016 at 11:30 am

“One narrative is that I’m not good enough to run my own business because I don’t possess an entrepreneurial gene. Another theme is that I’m incapable of taking care of my damaged body.”

😀 Henneke, you and I have these two themes in common!

Sometimes, that “I’m designed to be a better employee than an entrepreneur” chimes through so determinedly, it’s very hard to get past.

Your example of acknowledging the self-talk and also pointing out to oneself the positive steps we *are* taking is really helpful. In the past I have tried to drown it out or just ignore it and neither of those has been a sustainable or helpful strategy so far.

P.S. I love the cartoon for this post. It’s a really excellent concept, I wish I had come up with it myself 🙂

November 15, 2016 at 12:03 pm

Those themes must be in the air because I had those thoughts just the other day. ?

November 15, 2016 at 5:07 pm

I went through a similar process – first ignore, then fight the doubts.

Now, I’m trying to accept that learning to live well is a lifelong process and requires a lot of practice. We don’t learn at school to take care of ourselves!

Thank you for your compliment on the cartoon 🙂

November 15, 2016 at 11:19 am

This is lovely. Thank you for sharing and the book recommendations! (Are you Dutch by any chance?)

November 15, 2016 at 12:05 pm

I’m glad you enjoyed it, Cindy. And yep, you guessed right. I’m Dutch, but living in the UK. Great to “meet” you!

November 15, 2016 at 11:17 am

Using “you” versus “we” is something I struggle with and have had lots of conflicting advice about. This really clarifies for me how to choose between the two, based on tone/voice.

I love the phrase “tiny ripples”. It makes it very doable to create inspiration and change in small steps.

November 15, 2016 at 12:09 pm

“You” and “we” both work and my feeling is that it works well to mix them up, so one paragraph could use “we” (for instance, to show that the reader is not alone struggling with something or making certain mistakes) and another paragraph could be you (for instance, when encouraging a reader to take action). Sometimes I also use “you and I” instead of “we,” but not too often.

The only time I can think of that “we” doesn’t work is when it’s clear it’s a one-person business and the About page is written as “we.”

I love the idea of making tiny ripples, I can visualize them spreading out 🙂

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WRITERS HELPING WRITERS®

Helping writers become bestselling authors

Emotion Thesaurus Entry: Hopefulness

November 20, 2008 by BECCA PUGLISI

When it comes to emotion, sometimes we need a brainstorming nudge. After all, each character will express their feelings differently depending on their personality, emotional range, and comfort zone. We hope this short, sample list of expressions will help you better imagine how your character might show this emotion!

HOPEFULNESS

• A flutter in the belly
• A brightened countenance
• A jolt through the body
• Waving/flapping the hands
• Bouncing on the balls of one’s feet
• Quivering breaths
• A trembling voice
• Refusing to consider, speak of, or listen to any negative possibilities
• Rapid swallowing and nodding
• Talking under the breath to oneself about the best outcome
• Rapt, positive attention on a task or person involved
• Hands clasped in prayer, pressed to the lips, eyes closed
• Arms clutching one’s sides while moving about, showing cautious hope
• Glancing upward and exhaling
• The gaze darting to a person or object that symbolizes hope (a friend in the know, the phone)…

Win your readers’ hearts by tailoring your character’s emotional responses so they’re compelling, credible, and realistic.

If you struggle with writing emotions, you aren’t alone. The Emotion Thesaurus: A Writer’s Guide to Character Expression has helped writers all over the globe, and it can help you. To find out more about this bestselling book, please visit our bookstore .

Prefer the flexibility of instant online access and greater searchability?

TIP: While you’re there, check out our hyper-intelligent Character Builder that helps you create deep, memorable characters in half the time !

Becca Puglisi is an international speaker, writing coach, and bestselling author of The Emotion Thesaurus and its sequels. Her books are available in five languages, are sourced by US universities, and are used by novelists, screenwriters, editors, and psychologists around the world. She is passionate about learning and sharing her knowledge with others through her Writers Helping Writers blog and via One Stop For Writers —a powerhouse online library created to help writers elevate their storytelling.

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Reader Interactions

November 22, 2008 at 11:13 am

Thanks Pj and Mary! Kelly, I get a flutter to. 🙂

November 21, 2008 at 2:50 am

Once again, I think you’ve gotten them all!

I’ll come back the next time I need some signs of hope. (You’ll see me again very soon…)

November 20, 2008 at 1:51 pm

I feel a flutter in my belly when I see an email from someone I submitted to….There’s always hope!

November 20, 2008 at 11:17 am

Thanks again for another great entry! Love you gals!

Emotions in Writing: The Author’s Guide to Stirring Up Big Feels

If you know how to convey emotions in writing, you know how to draw your reader in, hold them captive, and make them remember you forever.

And if you think that sounds manipulative, my brother/writing partner once referred to this skill as the art of “jerking people’s emotions around.”

But he’s right, and we writers might as well own it. The only reason anyone picks up a novel is because they want to feel something.

Thrilled. Terrified. Soothed. Devastated. Anxious. Intoxicated.

Sure, fiction makes us smarter and more insightful. But let’s be real: the only reason it succeeds in making us think is because it first succeeds in making us feel . 

So how do you become an all-powerful emotion wizard?

It’s all right here. You’re about to learn how to plot a story built for emotional resonance and draft scenes that speak to your reader’s soul. So… big stuff.

Let’s start feeling those feels.

Lay the Emotional Groundwork

The first rule of emotions in writing:

Set up your story to elicit big feels.

New writers especially tend to think building emotion is a matter of heartbreaking dialogue or shocking cliffhangers. And sure, that’s part of it. 

But the fact is, it won’t matter how well you nail those micro details if the story itself doesn’t feel authentic and resonate with your reader.

So before we dive into the matter of bringing out emotions in your writing, let’s lay the groundwork for a powerful story.

Know How You Want Your Readers to Feel

What specific emotional experience are you trying to create for your readers?

Or to put it another way:

If you were going to read a book in your chosen genre, what would you want to feel?

Be specific, because specificity is your mightiest tool when it comes to conveying emotions in writing.

For example, you’d probably want the romantic subplot in an adventure novel to charm and delight you. Maybe even dizzy you up a bit. 

But if you pick up a romance , you’re looking for a full-on swoon. Those love scenes had better make your heart race, make you breathless, make you believe in love again no matter what broken dreams lie in your past.

Revisit some of the books that made you want to write in your genre in the first place. Make notes about how you feel, when you feel it, and what the author did to spark those emotions. 

Then, as you draft each new scene, go into it knowing exactly what you want your readers to feel so you can make it happen.

Establish Relatability

How are you going to get your reader to emotionally invest in your protagonist?

You’ve got to offer at least a glimmer of relatability, and you’ve got to do it early. 

Fortunately, this is way easier than you might think. Your reader doesn’t need to see their actual life reflected in your story. They also don’t even need to see their personality reflected in your character. All they really need in order to relate is a glimpse of vulnerability. That’s it.

In White Ivy , Ivy Lin is a young Chinese immigrant trying to carve out a path to status and power in a cold new world. She’s a protagonist with a shockingly negative character arc , and I definitely do not recognize my life in hers.

But on page one, I learn two important pieces of information.

She feels invisible and she wishes she could trade her face for someone else’s.

These are near-universal vulnerabilities. Even though Ivy’s feelings are connected to the very specific experience of being an Asian immigrant in the U.S.—an experience I couldn’t claim to understand intimately—I can at least say there have been times in my life when I’ve felt invisible and unappealing.

This is why literature is such a powerful tool for empathy. Great books start with an emotional entry point. They show a character’s insecurities, fears, failings, or wounds, inviting the reader to say, “Oof. Yeah, I know that one.” Suddenly, the unfamiliar becomes the understandable. 

Flesh Out Characters

Once you’ve hooked your reader’s heart by dropping some relatable vulnerabilities, follow through by making sure your characters are multi-dimensional creations.

This includes side characters and antagonists . You want your players to feel human (even if they’re not). This means they’ve got to have:

• Compelling motivation

Also remember that your characters do not exist in a vacuum. They’re influenced by their upbringing, culture, economic class, race, gender, sexuality, ability, physical and mental health , and about a million other things. Let your reader see how your characters’ influences shape who they are.

On that note, backstory helps a lot as you build emotion into your story. What has your character been through? How has it shaped their perception of the world? What old wounds are they carrying? 

This stuff can get pretty dense, but it’s worth putting in the work. I recommend checking out these two Dabble articles to get started:

• How to Write Compelling Characters From the Inside Out
• No Pain, No Gain: Giving Your Characters a Compelling (and Traumatic) Backstory

Get Readers Invested in the Outcome

So how does the actual plot factor into the process of jerking people’s emotions around?

The good news is that you’ve already done a lot of the heavy lifting in your character development. If your readers care about your protagonist, they’ll care what happens to your protagonist.

But you still need a plot that supports all your hard character work. This means:

‍ Your major characters should face both external conflicts and internal conflicts. As the external conflict intensifies, it should heighten the internal conflict (and vice versa). You can learn more about how to do this here .

‍ You continuously raise the stakes for your protagonist. With each new twist and turn, your hero(ine) has even more to lose.

‍ The protagonist’s choices drive the plot. Don’t make your main character a constant victim of their circumstances. At best, a passive character will only elicit pity, which is the most boring of all emotions. Allow your very human protagonist to make choices that make the conflict worse.

‍ It all makes sense. Logic has an important role to play when it comes to emotions in writing. A gaping plot hole or unsupported character decision will break the spell you’ve worked so hard to cast. For a great guide to plotting an airtight story, download our free ebook , Let’s Write a Book .

Now that you’ve designed your story to stir the soul, let’s get down to the details.

How to Convey Character Emotions in Writing

You’ve laid your foundation. Time to wipe the sweat off your brow and get into the nitty gritty.

Here’s how to bring your character’s emotions to life when you actually get down to drafting.

Use Sensory Details to Set the Mood

Conveying character emotions in your writing isn't just about telling the reader what your character feels.

It’s also about reflecting those feelings in the scene itself. This is especially true when it comes to your point-of-view (POV) character . 

See, even if you write in third person, you still write through the lens of your character’s perception.

You might write in third-person limited , where you only show one character’s perspective at a time. Or you might write in third-person omniscient , which allows you to hop from one character’s POV to another’s. Either way, the character’s emotional state should be reflected in the scene you set.

For example:

“I just can’t marry you,” Daniel had said in the suffocating heat of his car.

So simple, right? One quick scene detail—”suffocating heat”—immediately puts us in Ivy’s shoes. We know what kind of hurt this break-up brings: the kind that makes it hard to think, hard to breathe, hard to stay calm. It's a hot, suffocating kind of heartbreak.

Now, the reason “suffocating heat” works so well to establish an emotional experience is because it’s a sensory detail. It’s concrete. Believe it or not, that’s the key to sliding your reader’s feet into your character’s emotional shoes.

We tend to think of “feelings” as abstract, but when it really comes down to it, we experience everything through physical bodies. We’ve built associations between what we feel in our hearts and what we see, hear, taste, smell, and feel on our skin.

That’s why, if you want to give your reader the heebie-jeebies, your best bet is not to tell them it was really scary in the alleyway, but to show them the long shadow of the broken fire escape ladder. The old advice “show, don’t tell” is really about giving your audience all the feels.

Get Into Your Own Body

Here’s another reason why sensory details are so essential to communicating emotions in writing:

We experience emotions physically. We know what we feel because our body tells us what we feel.

If you’ve never thought about this before, now is the time to start noticing.

What physical sensations arise when you feel angry? Anxious? Amorous? Try to notice. Write it down. Remember it when you’re trying to convey your character’s emotions.

This is honestly one of my favorite things about being a writer—the phenomenon of feeling and observing at the exact same time. I’ve had full-blown panic attacks where my inner writer was still there watching and murmuring, “Oh, interesting.” as she scribbled in her little notebook.

In addition to observing yourself, you can find great examples of how to convey the physical experience of emotion in any book that’s successfully sparked emotion in you . 

But if you want the masterclass, check out The Sign for Home . Part of this novel is told through the POV of Arlo, a young DeafBlind man who experiences the world through physical sensation. The result is a lot of passages like these:

‍ Electricity ignites all over your brain, causing the hair follicles on your arms and the back of your neck to vibrate. 

‍ You had never met the principal before, but his power was legendary. Your face felt hot. Your stomach tightened. You wanted to pee.

When our brains read passages like this, they register these physical experiences as if they were our own. We feel the vibration and, therefore, the excitement. We don’t put ourselves in the character’s shoes as easily when all we know is that the character was “psyched.” 

Master the Art of Subtext

This is another skill that takes some real-world observation and a lot of novel-reading to master.

You probably know you can’t have your characters running around saying exactly what they feel all the time unless it’s an actual character trait. Real people don’t do that, so if your characters do it, your reader’s going to remember that this is all make-believe. 

Pssheww! That’s the sound of your reader’s emotional connection exploding.

So then how do you help your readers hear what your characters aren’t saying?

One helpful fact about human beings is that we’ve developed a sort of subtext shorthand. We already have phrases that we know will signal our feelings without requiring us to do the dirty business of actually stating those feelings outright. 

For example, here’s a line of dialogue from Seven Days in June with zero context.

‍ “Fine. Go explain to Audre why you’re scared to try new things.”

You don’t need me to tell you anything about the scene in order to understand that the speaker is tired of the listener’s crap. Right?

So, as a writer, all you have to do is start noticing our universal shorthand for “I’m pissed” and “I’m jealous.”

You can also use the descriptions between lines of dialogue to clarify your characters’ states of mind. Here’s another passage from the same novel:

‍ “What’s he like?” Shane knew he was going too far.

‍ “Travis Scott?”

‍ “Audre’s dad.”

‍ Eva sat back in the booth, hard. She grimaced and massaged a temple with her knuckles. “He’s stable .”

‍ Shane went further. “Where is he?”

‍ “You tell me. Where do men go when they’re done?”

You can feel the tension, right? To create it, the author taps into Shane’s thoughts (as he’s the POV character in this scene) and Eva’s actions. (Not to mention that stinging line at the end.)

It also helps that the author has written vivid characters. By this point in the story, we know these people well enough to understand how they’re likely to feel in this conversation. 

Incorporate Body Language

In the last example, Eva’s body language served as a clue that there were big feelings bubbling behind her measured words.

But body language and facial expressions aren’t just a subtext tool. They provide a window into a character’s state of mind in any given moment. Here’s Eva just standing around at a prestigious event right after unexpectedly running into Shane:

‍ [The dress] had gotten tighter somehow, sucking at her like Saran Wrap. She kept shifting it around her hips.

In other words, she can’t get comfortable… physically or emotionally.

Now, there’s one big challenge when it comes to using body language to convey emotions in writing. Most of us end up falling back on the same all-too-obvious body language cues.

‍ She wiped away a tear. He grinned. They shrugged.

My first drafts are positively riddled with shrugs and quiet smiles. A big part of polishing later drafts is going back over these boring descriptions and coming up with more specific, less repetitive details.

‍ The Emotion Thesaurus is an extremely helpful tool for this. So is good ol’ fashioned real-life observation.

Banish Clichés

As long as you’re searching that first draft for overused body language and facial expressions, you might as well look for clichés , too.

Because when we’re trying to get the reader to experience an emotion, we start loading up the clichés. 

‍ A single tear fell from his eye. She glared daggers. Their heart shattered into a million pieces.

These phrases are so common they’re almost meaningless. We’re numb to them. Unfortunately, their prevalence also makes them the first thing that comes to mind when we’re trying to describe emotions in writing.

Keep pushing past the first thought. Maybe even the second and third, too. Play with metaphor and (once again) use the physical to make the emotional come alive. 

When you do that, you can replace “They were meant to be” with passages more like:

‍ With him, she was at ease: her skin felt as though it were her right size.

(That’s from Americanah , by the way.)

Trust Your Reader

Finally, be aware that it is possible to overdo emotions in writing. 

Sometimes writers are so eager to make sure the reader connects with the character’s experience that they overload every page with feelings.

Emotional manipulation requires light touch. When a reader sees a lot of feelings talk, they stop seeing the story and start seeing the author frantically trying to tug at their heart.

Trust them to be smart enough to follow your subtext and the emotional logic of your story. When in doubt, invite your beta readers to tell you about their emotional experience of your novel.

Also allow your genre to inform how thick you want to lay it on. A noir mystery novel will probably take on a more cold and objective tone that only stirs curiosity and the occasional chill. 

Romances, on the other hand, tend to do a lot of emotional check-ins.

Know your readers. This is all for them, after all.

Let Dabble Help You Become a Master Manipulator

Now you know how to build a story that resonates and bring it home with powerful prose.

You’ve probably also figured out that this can be a messy process. Dabble can help.

Dabble’s Plot Grid allows you to plan, review, and edit your entire plot in one glimpse so you can see your characters’ emotional journey clearly. Plus, handy features like Comments and Stickies help you stay on top of pesky clichés and excessive shrugging.

The best part? You can try all these features and more for free for fourteen days. No credit card required. How does that make you feel? Click here to get started.

Abi Wurdeman is the author of Cross-Section of a Human Heart: A Memoir of Early Adulthood, as well as the novella, Holiday Gifts for Insufferable People. She also writes for film and television with her brother and writing partner, Phil Wurdeman. On occasion, Abi pretends to be a poet. One of her poems is (legally) stamped into a sidewalk in Santa Clarita, California. When she’s not writing, Abi is most likely hiking, reading, or texting her mother pictures of her houseplants to ask why they look like that.

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3 Tips to “Show, Don’t Tell” Emotions and Moods

by Joe Bunting | 189 comments

If you're like me, one of the main reasons you read is to receive an emotional transference from the author. You love books that don't just make you think, that don't just entertain, but that make you feel something .

Photo by Alyssa L. Miller

It's the magic of reading: that an author can arrange a series of letters in a certain order and that these letters can affect our emotions.

As a writer, how do you develop mood in a short story or in the chapter of your novel without telling? Is it possible to build up emotional language while following the advice “Show, Don't Tell”? In other words, can you make your readers feel something without writing like Stephenie Meyer or E.L. James?

How to “Show, Don't Tell” with Emotion

I've been studying Roberto Bolaño's short story “ Gómez Palacio ” from the New Yorker, and it's a clinic on how to show emotion and mood without telling.

Edgar Allen Poe said this about how to write a short story , “A short story must have a single mood and every sentence must build towards it.”

The mood of “Gómez Palacio” is failure and the other emotions that come with it, like self-pity, paranoia, and depression. The twenty-three year old narrator feels he has already washed up and has exiled himself to a sparse town in the deserts of northern Mexico.

Here are three ways Bolaño builds up a single mood without telling:

1. Write about motivation.

Orscon Scott Card says one of the best ways to characterize is by talking about motivation. Instead of writing specifically about feelings, write about  why your characters are doing the things they're doing.

Here's an example from “Gómez Palacio”:

I don't know why I accepted. I knew that under no circumstances would I settle down in Gómez Palacio. I knew that I wouldn't stick to running a writing workshop in some godforsaken town in northern Mexico.

2. “Show, don't tell” action that reveals the mood.

Throughout the story, Balaño's narrator reveals how paranoid he is. However, he never explicitly says, “I was so paranoid.” Instead, he builds the mood through action.

Here's an example of how Bolaño brilliantly shows the author's paranoia:

I found it hard to sleep at night. I had nightmares. Before going to bed, I would make sure the door and the windows of my room were securely and tightly shut…. Then I went back to bed and closed my eyes, but having drunk so much water I soon had to get up again to urinate. And since I was up I would check all the locks.

This works so well because instead of using the word paranoid, he shows the author doing paranoid things. And later, it says:

When we came out of the classroom, the director was waiting with two guys who turned out to be civil servants employed by the state of Durango. My first thought was: They're policemen, here to arrest me.

3. “Show, don't tell” through description.

This is probably my favorite part of the story. And you'll notice there's a little bit of telling in this, but it works because there's so much showing as well:

On the horizon I could see the highway disappearing into the hills. Night was beginning to approach from the east. Days before, at the motel, I had asked myself, What color is the desert at night? A stupid question, yet somehow I felt it held the key to my future, or perhaps not so much my future as my capacity for suffering.

Later on, we get even more description of the night, and the description reveals the dark thoughts of the narrator while also making the, somehow, beautiful.

To use description to build mood, ask yourself what your character would notice in their state of mind. Focus on colors that seem to show his mood. Think of your sentences like brush strokes , and you're painting a landscape filled with emotion.

Now That You've Shown,   Do Tell

As important as it is to “show, don't tell,” there are situations where it's better to tell, don't show. For example, here is the very first sentence of “Gómez Palacio”:

I went to Gómez Palacio during one of the worst periods of my life.

That's about as tell-y as you can get, but it works.Sometimes a short burst of telling can be worth paragraphs of showing. Your job as a writer is to figure out when to use which.

Practice writing about a mood.

Write for fifteen minutes. When you're finished, post your practice in the comments section.

And if you post, please be sure to comment on a few pieces by other writers.

Have fun! (Unless you're writing about sadness. Then, don't have fun.)

Joe Bunting

Joe Bunting is an author and the leader of The Write Practice community. He is also the author of the new book Crowdsourcing Paris , a real life adventure story set in France. It was a #1 New Release on Amazon. Follow him on Instagram (@jhbunting).

Want best-seller coaching? Book Joe here.

189 Comments

The day had yet to break, but I was used to that.  My bladder screaming for release, I stumbled to the bathroom and did its bidding.   Damn, that business always wakes me to the early gloom. Slippers on now, I trudged to my kitchen and made my daily pot of coffee, then turned to the other counter for the various medications my doctor had prescribed.  Those I downed with my usual bottle of water, a familiar affair.  Finally I sat with myself to face another day.

Man, that was good. I completely relate, especially when the business wakes me up at 3:00am. argh!

 Thanks so much, Pilar-I loved Joe’s article so much, I just had to give it a 15 minute try! Take care, Laurel

This is so good!

It’s funny that we both wrote about screaming bladders. I also get that you’re not much of a morning person. 🙂

 this is such visual writing.  I can see the person, the surroundings, but wonder – is it a man or a woman.  another lovely final sentence.

Well two of us modern Americans motivated by our bladders.  I love this.  I don’t feel like the day this person is going to have is very promising, but maybe it will turn out surprisingly well.  

Cigarette.  It was the only thought when I awoke but it slammed through my brain in a blinding light.  I couldn’t even feel my face, but I was salivating and it was nicotine-flavored.  But I was giving the bloody things up.  The whole day previous had been hell.  You know how it is.  The more you try not to think about something, the more it’s in your face demanding attention like a petulant toddler.  Now that toddler had grown to gargantuan proportions and was tantrum-pitching in every cell in my body.  My palms began to sweat and I wiped them on the sheet.  No.  I wasn’t going to think about this.

I wasn’t going to remember the emergency cigarette either.  The one I hid.  Just in case.  Oh god.  I squirmed and pulled the pillow over my face.  No.  I can’t do this. 

The pillow case smelled like smoke.

My body exploded into action.  I stumbled.  Shin banged off the footboard.  Didn’t even feel it.  My legs were hell bent on one destination.  The bottom self behind the books.  Dropping to the floor my knees protested with double pops but already my fingers were stabbing through the pile of books into that secret space behind them. 

He’d found it.

The realization burned like acid into every pore.  No car.  No money.  No more cigarettes.  Forever loomed in the moment and it’s landscape was barren and ugly.  I just sat there contemplating the lines of my palms and watched as they flooded with perspiration.  If only I could drown.

Eek!  The formatting went totally wonky!  Sorry about that.

Love the lines about the toddler. The whole thing is pitch perfect.

I’ve never been there, but I can imagine what it must feel like to want something so badly that you get sick without it.  This must be what a drug addict feels like when he/she needs a fix.

Good job, Jean. Now if you change “cigarette” to “caffeine” you have my morning routine.

 Wow, this is powerful writing.  I love “Forever loomed etc.”   

That was dramatic to put it mildly but it does describe the specter that addiction and need can be.  I love the next to last line.  

I really like the way you incorporated the senses.

Saliva tasting like nicotine, pillow case smelling like smoke, knees popping protest.

I might pick one or the other of these:  “in every cell in my body” or “into every poor”, maybe instead saying “The realization burned like acid on my skin.” 

Very vividly done!

I love the “forever loomed in the moment and its landscape was barren and ugly” perfect!!

My husband does not love me.  That much is sure.  At night, when I drape my arm across his waist, he plucks it off, and even when he sleeps, he draws himself up, he tucks his arms and legs in, so that he is never touching me.

What keeps a woman devoted to a man like that?  For me it is the public hours, how he takes my hand at the movies, and how he holds an umbrella over the two of us, and how in those moments I believe that he might feel a modicum of what I do.

But as soon as the doors shut on our Escalade, he turns the radio on, always financial news, and he looks straight ahead, both hands on the wheel, and he seems to lean into the driver’s door, as if I might invade his seat, as if I might force myself on him.

At home, we talk of little.  We sync our schedules, so that one of us was always home in the day.  In the room at the end of the downstairs hall is another man whose name is Steel, our renter, who looms over both of us.  He sits at his desk all day, stringing Christmas lights together, that he uses to form an ever intricate map of the United States that trails across the gray walls.

He keeps the windows open at night so that he can see the nearest TV tower, and he syncs certain lights on the map with the tower’s blinking, so that California and Delaware dance all night to the gentle thrum.

And occasionally he set tiny fires, always in the daytime hours, the flames licking the drapes or the pair of slippers he keeps by his bed.  When this happens, we jump to attention.  We call the firemen, who lectured us at first and then began billing us when our calls kept rolling in.

When Steel comes out of his room, which wasn’t often, he speaks cryptic messages with his eyes shut.

“The gloom of man speaks certain doom, and you are the feeder in the chain of sorrow,” he said on a Sunday in May.

He turned and walked back, and we were left blinking in his departure.

It is my belief that my husband is under this man’s spell, although I can’t be sure.  He waits for Steel’s pronouncements, and then he spends days deciphering their meanings.

He is obedient as a child when he approaches Steel, offering him the latest spy novel, a brush for his long hair, bringing him gimlets at night and mimosas in the morning.

I wear my husband’s neglect like a shroud, and I fear Steel, as you might expect.  But my terror is not based in the fire this prophet (or madman) produces, but for the ice that moved in when he did and now covers what used to be my happy marriage.  

This shows such creepiness. I really want to know WHY Steel acts like he does and WHY the husband is under his spell.

 I should keep writing and find out!  Thank you Lori.

This was very cool to read. I liked the shift between marital crisis, and supernatural WTFness. Near the end though, you talk about the “fear” the MC feels. I don’t think you need to mention this. It’s clear from the opening her major concern is for her relationship with her husband.

I would steer away from the emotions she feels, and reflect more on the description of events. That, I felt was the strongest aspect to this whole thing.

 Thanks for your careful reading.  I appreciate your input.

I really enjoyed your writing marla4 I would really love alittle bit more insite as to how did there realatiobship get to where it is how long have they been together etc.

 It is, Pilar. Thank you for reading!

Thank you as well.

Good tension, but the reader will wonder why her husband is under Steel’s spell and why he doesn’t show affection to her anymore. 

 I agree, Elizabeth.

I like it, Marla! You really brought out the despair of the wife. And then there’s the whole creepy homoerotic thing happening upstairs…or is it just me?

 You know Tom, I don’t have a clue.  I just wrote for a bit and listened to this unhappy woman.  Weird, huh?

Wow… this is so interesting. What happens next. How did she ALLOW this creep to continue living there. Has the argument between her and husband about creep taken place yet? I need mroe of this Marla. It’s such good show, I don’t want to get out of the scene, no matter how creepy it is.

 I wish I knew what happens!  I just wrote and this is what happened.  I may take it up again.  Thank you for your encouragement!  You’re always so kind.

 You have captured fruitless longing so well, and fearful anticipation.  I’m sure the rest of the story can only increase in tension.  But how will it end?   In fireworks? 

 Thank you! I really don’t know.  I just sat and wrote and this is what happened. Maybe I should let this woman tell me the rest of the story. 

Wonderful trio there Marla.  I could understand how she has many emotions but the predominant one seems to be that she is wistful for her husband’s affection that is now transferred to Steel  

 Thanks Marianne.  I didn’t know where this was going.  I just had the first line.  Kind of different for me. 

I really felt the despair in what you wrote. You put her emotions into play by using very descriptive words. My favorite line was “I wear my husband’s neglect like a shroud”. Wow – very heavy.

The wind hissed as it snuck through the cracks around the edge of the window frame.  Jody glanced outside and saw it had begun to snow again. Another thing to bury me, she thought. But at least it would serve to hide under. The square of waxed paper which lay on the metal table was limp except for wrinkles which would not smooth out even though she had spent too long pressing and flattening it. She folded the wax paper over the sandwich tightly and placed it in the lunch box which sat on the counter. Peanut butter again, but it was all that was in the cupboard. She opened the refrigerator door and pulled out the crisper drawer. It was still empty. She opened her purse and dug to the bottom where she knew there was a small box of raisins. Should I save them for tomorrow? She wondered. By the time Jim came downstairs she had filled the thermos with the rest of the pot of breakfast coffee and placed the raisins on top of the sandwich. She added a paper napkin she had taken from the table at the lunch counter where she worked on weekends. It was untouched, but still considered used so she was supposed to throw it away. But Bill, the cook and part-owner told her it was OK to take it home. “Hope it’s peanut butter on white bread,” Jim said, smiling, as he entered the room. Jody’s shoulders sunk and she turned away. “Hey, don’t be sad, my girl.” Jim wrapped his arms around Jody from behind and kissed her neck.  She turned and melted into his arms. She never could resist. “I love you,” she whispered. “It’s going to get better, don’t worry about a thing. I’ve got work now and we’ll get a good paycheck end of next week.” He gave Jody a squeeze, let go and reached for the threadbare jacket which hung next to the door. When Jim was gone, Jody sunk down into the kitchen chair. Her fingers traced a gentle tattoo on her belly as she wondered when she should tell him.

Very good writing. 🙂

Great job of capturing the mood of this piece; the cold, the hunger, the worry. And then Jim lightens everything up. So I’m sure he’s gonna be great with the new tattoo on her belly or the baby inside of it…either way. 🙂

 What gentle writing and with such insight.  A complete piece.   

You create a very  poor and cold environment and then when he hugs her she has some shelter for a moment.  I really liked this.  It was like a mini story all by itself but it could be the beginning of a novel too. Well done IMO.

I love this.  Especially when she reacts to the snow the way she does.  The ending is superb, so so strong.

Thrust. Lift. Dump. Thrust. Lift. Dump.

It’s simple. It’s easy.

Thrust. Lift. Dump.

My arms are sore, but my body doesn’t slow and my mind doesn’t care. Every part of me has agreed to forego its usual functions. Just dig. Thrust. Lift. Dump.

I don’t hear owls. In the movies, during scenes like this, you always heard owls. But I don’t hear owls.

I don’t hear anything save for the shovel shifting dirt.

Something snaps. I stop for a second or for a hundred thousand minutes. Nothing happens. The stars stay in the sky. No men rush me from the bushes. No rabbits hop busily by.

I dig. Thrust. Lift. Dump.

Clumps of dirt roll back into the hole. The pile is too high. I start a new one.

I want to hear something. I shouldn’t, but I do. I want to hear a car, or animals, or another twig snap. I pretend to. It doesn’t help.

My hole is deep now. I dig on. It needs to be deep enough.

Thrust. Lift. Dump. I continue on alone, my company a shovel and a garbage bag.

What a picture you paint. I especially love: I don’t hear owls. In the movies, during scenes like this,you always heard owls. But I don’t hear owls.

What is he burying?  Is it his trash or is it a body?  You leave this up to the reader.  I like the suspense here. 

Yeah!  that’s doing exactly what Joe was talking about, better than I did as a matter of fact!

Jack, loved this story. At first I just thought you were a philanderer on a series of one-night stands, but then you introduced the owls.

 I like the suspense here.  It’s such a good lead in to a story – maybe to a back story?

This is a great piece. I can sense the tension as he hurries to carry out his unsavory task, whatever that may be…

Hey, thanks everyone! I really appreciate it!

I love your snappy pacing and creative phrasing.  Wish you had just one more modifier… something to describe the garbage bag, just so I have confirmation that it is not empty.  Overstuffed? Lumpy?  Rigid? 

But really, one of my favorites for this exercise!  Would value your feedback on my own.

ps:  You have a great author name.

 I love the line about wanting to hear something.  It’s unexpected and perfect here.

Jack, I was immediately outdoors 🙂

Pacing. Counting the steps to the door and back. Fifteen to be exact. Such a short distance, yet longer with each trembling step. My high heels make a sharp clicking sound on the floor as I walk; the sound is amplified by the silence of the room, marked only by my harrowed breathing. I look at my watch again– it’s only been four minutes! I watch the tiny needle of the second hand slowly click off the seconds..click.click.click. My heartbeat seems to keep rhythm as I continue my walk, back and forth, heels clicking, clock ticking. Pacing, counting the steps, waiting, hoping, silently falling into the abyss of time; it never ends, this waiting. It never ends. Click.Click. Click.

Great job of showing the feeling of anxiety without naming it.

Nice job, Lisa. I’m sorry you got all dressed up for your date and he never showed up. I hope he didn’t die in a fiery car crash. That would be sad. Maybe he was late because the florist messed up his order. 🙂

Actually, the piece interpretation is entirely up to the reader. I wrote specifically of a feeling that everyone could identify with, be it an emergency room, a date, etc. At some point, everyone feels that the “waiting never ends”. 😉

IS it a date? It could be something else couldn’t it? Like for the doctor to come out of the emergency room with some news of a loved one … or even for the drug dealer or a john.  It is a wonderful show of tension.

I like the way you use motion, sound and short bursts of sentences to create the feel of anticipation. Very clever, I could feel and hear it.

 Okay Lisa, you have drawn the reader in and left her wondering on the “Click”.  You’ve portrayed tension so well, and using high heels was a brilliant move.

I started getting anxious reading this. 🙂

 I loved the word needle to describe the hand on the clock.  Captured everything.

I chewed on the hang-nail until it stung and bled. Anything to take my mind off the incessant droning of the speaker and the building pressure in my lower abdomen. 

“Why, oh why did I drink all that iced tea?” I shouted inside my brain.

 Beads of sweat and ripples of chills came over me like a stadium full of fans doing the wave. Everything around me seemed to grow larger and more ominous as my bladder filled to the tipping point. 

I practiced meditation and prayer, anything to transport me from this hell, but envisioning seasides and streams of living water, did more harm than good. 

“Excuse me… pardon me… I’m so sorry.”

My body can no longer retain the fluid, as tears pool in my quivering eyes. I push my way to the men’s room, delirious and giddy as I anticipate relief.

My hands shake and my back sweats as I finally catch a glimpse of my porcelain god. I make my way on shaky legs to humbly bring my offering.

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh-men

Been there too.  It can be agonizing.  You made it real and the reader could feel it. 

It helped that I really had to go while I wrote this. haha!

HA HA HA!! You are hilarious!

Tripple LOL After I picked myself up off the floor for the 4th time Thanks.

If you have any books written I would sure love to read them…

There you are! I was looking for you. You are such a great writer. I always enjoy reading what you write.

Thanks, Pilar. You are such an encourager.

That’s good!  It made me laugh, with rueful identification under the laughter.  

Thanks, John. Like I’ve always said, “It’s better to laugh than to cry over spilled urine.”

Hahaha Tom. Only one small nitpick.. Shouldn’t you be faster in bringing your offering to the porcelain god. “I make my way on shaky legs” seems like it might be too late.

Half an offering is better than none at all, right? The rest was broken and spilled out for the janitors and dry cleaners.

 this was such a witty piece of writing, and who in the world could not identify at some stage.  You should be proud of it.  Maybe we will see it in a flash fiction collection some day.

Would have commented sooner, but I had to run to the bathroom. 😉

Very good pacing!  Not an easy skill (at least not for me) and I think you did really well with it.

I think you could lose the quotes and the ‘I shouted inside my brain’, and just let that sentence rest on it’s own humor unmodified.

I do have a question… so is your God a toilet or a urinal?  I haven’t been in many men’s rooms so I am wondering if a guy who has to pee bypasses a urinal or if porcelain god is a urinal synonym?  🙂

I liked it.

You must be the life of the party!  You captured this so well.

Heh heh, you caught me off-guard with the ending!

Loved it.Great way of showing not telling.

hahhaahaahaa

Sorry Joe, there is nothing like writing about heartbreak LOL! 

I remember it was a cold day. The air mercilessly whipped against my face. Oh how it stung. I finally arrived to my destination. Sweat and testosterone pervaded the air. Grunts, head nods, rolling eyes. I hesitated before making my way to the back. I heard the pay phone ringing. None of the jokers want to pick it up. What. Do they think I’m their secretary? I reluctantly answered. Hello. She answers in Spanish. She assumed I spoke Spanish. Lucky for her I do. I answer her. She says his name. Silence. She repeats it again. I stare into space. I get this sick feeling in the pit of my stomach. My pulse quickening. I wanted to bash the phone into smithereens! I finally muster the courage to ask her who she was. She says she’s his lover and calling about his son. Son? He never mentioned a son?! Is it me or is the room spinning? I’m suffocating. I needed to get out of here. I want to run. No. I won’t. I’ll stay and confront him. Pain is coarsed through my body. I hang up the phone. How could he? He said he loved me. I believed him. I know I will never be the same.

Great job, Pilar. You really have me wondering where your destination was. I’m thinking you were walking across campus to your boyfriend’s fraternity house. Am I close? My frat had a pay phone back in the day when such things existed. 

Thank you. Actually it is a gym. But you were close. 🙂

 this is a lovely story, fuelled by emotion.  I like the way you have bracketed the story with short declarative sentences.  It gives a wholeness to the writing.

Thank you so much. You are very kind. I appreciate your taking the time to read what I wrote and also comment.

So strong, Pilar – and I agree with Clairelily -the short sentences are really effective.  I especially love the beginning descriptions.  Only one thing – I think the last line isn’t necessary – I would leave it with ‘I believed him’ – leaving the emptiness of that belief broken.

Hi Zoe. Thanks for taking the time to read what I wrote. You are right. I was having trouble with that last sentence too. I deleted it. Thanks!

Wow Pilar.  That was very strong.  I kept hoping that the woman on the other end was not going to be any kind of real threat but she was. Then I thought why do I dislike the other woman, it’s the man who has caused the pain.  

Thanks Mariaanne. So true. 🙁

 Heartbreaking, and so spare.  Great writing.

Thank you Marla 🙂

Your words exemplified heartbreak! Made me want to know what happened next.

Wow, I wrote this a long time ago. I forgot that I did too. LOL! Thank you for reading it and commenting. You have no idea just how timely it was. Thank you.

Sorry – I am new to this site and when I responded – I then noticed that this post was written 2 years ago! Not sure how this works. I am getting emails with writing exercises, but they all seem to be old.

No worries. It is great that you are here. Your timing was encouraging to me. I needed it. 🙂

It was another ending, and if there was a way to avoid the awkwardness he saw looming, he’d take it.  With what detachment he could muster, he could see that his staying on here would not be good for him or for anyone else.  His position as Sunday musician and daily sanitation engineer was less than inspiring at this point.  

And there was the whole issue of Monica.  Yes, she was a lot younger than he, and some folks had a problem with that on principle — but he had no regrets over his relationship with her over the past two years, including  her casual crazy-making.  The people in charge, though, had made up their minds about her early on, and there was not enough  love and tolerance, apparently, to bridge the gap.  The good times with Monica, the close times, were his for the rest of his life, undimmed even by the jagged break that came with his realization that he’d never mattered that much to her.

Forcing his mind in a different direction, he concentrated on what would bring a measure of sanity.  He had the money to get a motel room, and then find an apartment.  The determination solidified:  the way to end this predicament became obvious the more he thought about it.

Just leave quietly, just start over.

He had his belongings packed in the car within a half hour, and it was so easily done.  He knew he was running, and running’s what cowards do; but he didn’t think he could sit still for a lecture.

A week later he had a new address.

Hey, I think I know this guy! He used to play in my praise band! Good job, John. It made me laugh when you described him as Sunday musician and daily sanitation engineer. My first gig after college was an interim music position at my home church for 6 months and then they hired someone else and I became interim custodian. I was definitely working my way up 😉

Thank you sir, I see you can relate!  It’s really true that the most difficult situations have their funny side.

 I liked this piece, the lightness of the writing, the humane vision.  I particularly loved the final sentence.  It’s a lovely complete piece.

Thank you!   It’s good to know I was able to make the writing light in describing a difficult situation.

This is excellent.  I feel the loneliness and depression here the need to walk away from this less than adequate situation.  I have a hope that he doesn’t run into something worse because despite his blaming his situation on “the people in charge” I wonder if some of the fault isn’t his and I base that one one work “again”.  Thanks for a good read. 

Thank you so much for your kind comments!  A good deal of the fault is indeed his own, and by this point there is a record of failures, of running.  Will this character stay between the lines, out of trouble, out of jail?  Remains to be seen!

Hmmm, I am still trying to figure this one out.

“the people in charge”, is that just metaphorical, i.e., fate or God?

What is crazy-making, and is this something good that happens in bed or something that drives you insane, but you ignore because you love the person doing it?

I couldn’t tell if he was having an affair with Monica, and the awkwardness was that his marriage was ending over a relationship that didn’t even mean that much to his lover.  Or whether he was moving out of the place he shared with Monica. 

Who was going to lecture him?  And about what?

Guess it is a good thing to leave a reader wanting to know more…

This is from a short story I’m working on at the moment:

Only the rock seemed solid in this eternally moving world.  The ocean heaved and sighed, the clouds scudded and whirled, and beneath her feet the sand moved, parting as the tide crept toward her.  She would have to rise from the rock, walk away from the rising sea across the glittering meniscus filming the sand, to safety, to the trees.  But she could hear them tossing in an agony of flying leaves and cracking branches.   There was no shelter among those grey contorted shapes.  She felt something move beneath the arch of her right foot and pulled her legs up, huddling on the rock.  The subterranean sand creatures were on the move.  There really was nowhere to go from here.  

Such strong emotion in this.  Great.

That’s like a nightmare, weird and scary with strong surreal images.  

 I love that the rock is solid when nothing else is.  Perfect description.

For the fifteenth time in the last half hour she adjusted her veil. He noticed every little detail about her. The way her eyes flew around the room touching briefly on each person but never landing, like she was searching. The way she smoothed her dress, again. The way her lips parted wide with un-containable laughter, showing perfect white teeth, just like her mother.

He stood close to her, near enough to take it all in. When had she lost the baby dimples he had loved to kiss and grow out of their favorite bedtime stories? It wasn’t possible she was a young woman ready to be a wife. The hum around him faded. He only had eyes for her, drinking in every last detail of this moment with his girl.

“All right, grandparents to the left of the bride, parents on the right. Squeeze in just a bit closer, look this way.” The instructions of the photographer intruded on his thoughts. Resentfully he complied with the request. He lost sight of her in the swirl of people and flurry of photographs.

Before he had time to catch up the grandparents and mothers had been seated. A woman in a plum colored dress was pointing and giving directions. Music swelled from behind the church doors. It was time. 

“Daddy.” He turned his eyes to the young dark haired woman beside him, slim and poised in her white lace gown. “Are you ready?” She smiled up at him. No doubt she was ready.

 His heart bled, “No!” His mouth smiled back, “Yes.” 

“Daddy, I love you.” Green eyes sparkled, they could have belonged to his five year old going off to kindergarten, but they didn’t. 

“You look beautiful, Amy.” And he kissed her forehead, that china doll brow, for the last time as his little girl. 

you always add such rich details, Beck.  I love the tenderness of this.

Thank you Zoe!

Hmm, my comments for you keep not showing up.  Just know I gave a thumbs up review, and a few sentence tweaks (that were just my opinion).  You definitely have a sparkle to your writing.

This breaks my heart. It’s so hard to part with your children, so hard and you catch a moment when a man is trying very hard to let her go with grace which is a supremely loving act IMO. 

Thank  you Mariaane. I made myself cry as I wrote it! I will never forget the look in my Dad’s eyes on my wedding day. I didn’t understand it at the time, it was a mixture of so many emotions, but now that I have children I’m beginning to see more clearly!

I think this was a really great piece. No doubt you have talent.

There are a few places where I think less might have been more. I personally want critique, not just praise, for my writing (well really, just praise would be great, but it wouldn’t make me a better writer). So, in hopes that you will do the same for me, here are some thoughts.

The green eyes not belonging to his kindergartener was so unique and poignant, I wanted the story to end on the strength of that sentence. I think from that, readers would get that she was no longer his little girl, without having to say it in the last paragraph. I might clip a few sentences earlier to make the pacing snap even more.

…baby dimple he had kissed over bedtime stories.

…slim and poised in white lace.

I’ve read a bit of your blog, too, and like your writing style. If you have any feedback on my exercise submission (that I accidentally submitted twice), I’d appreciate it.

My computer is being a brat.  I think it ate my first response, but it won’t confess to it (i.e. my iphone shows my feedback while my computer doesn’t), so I am going to post again.  Sorry if it comes through twice.

This is a really good piece.  No doubt you have talent.

There are a few places where I think less might be more, as they say?

The green eyes not belonging to the kindergartner was so unique and poignant that I wanted the story to end the strength of that sentence.  I think from that the readers would get that she was no longer his little girl.

I might clip a few sentences to make the pace snap even more.

…baby dimples he had kissed over bedtime.

I’ve read a bit of your blog, too.  Good Stuff!

If you have any feedback on my exercise submission (that I accidentally submitted twice), I’d appreciate it.

She frantically bounced up and down as she walked.  It was 2 a.m., and the suburban street was deserted.

“Wah!  Wah!” the baby cried, and she patted his back harder, her eyes darting around to see if lights were going on in the houses as neighbors got up to holler that they were trying to sleep.

She rubbed her eyes and stared blankly at the perfectly manicured lawns that stretched out before her, as she had done every night for the past week.  Sighing heavily, she bounce-walked her way to her backdoor and made her way into the kitchen.  She turned on the fan for what seemed like the millionth time that night.

“Wah!  Wah!” the baby screamed.

She leaned against the counter and let her head droop back, closing her eyes.

“Wah!  Wah!” the baby’s cries intensified, and she opened her eyes again.

She bounce-walked into the living room, picking up her purse and packing it with her USB drive for the her morning presentation at work.  Patting the baby’s back, she went to the bedroom closet and picked out her clothes.  It would be another difficult morning.

“Wah!  Wah!”

She made her way back to the kitchen and picked up the bottle again.  At first, the baby turned his head away as he had for the past two hours.  Then he turned back, opened wide, and started sucking.  She exhaled and felt the rigidity finally leave her body as she watched his eyes droop and then close.  Holding her breath, she pulled the bottle from his mouth and watched as he sighed and then buried his head in her chest.

Slowly, she turned off the ceiling fan.  He stirred but did not open his eyes.  She walked to the nursery and tentatively lowered him into his crib.  When she saw his arms loosely fall above his head and his breathing regulate, she finally smiled.  Checking that the baby monitor was on, she walked to her bed and curled into a ball, her eyes closed before her head hit the pillow.

Whoops — sorry about the formatting difficulties.  This is my first time posting!

I really liked this – although not sure that’s the right word?!  You show the growing desperation well and make me want to postpone babies for… maybe just another year.. 😉

I like the interconnected tenseness of the mother and child here.  They are a unit but one part of the unit is not cooperating.  It works really well.  

I could totally identify with the scene you created.

Just 2 thoughts:

I think it might convey the idea even stronger that nothing the mother is trying is working, if instead of intensifying the the verbs describing how the baby cried, you just repeat.  “Wah!  Wah!”  Just that naked repetition could be pretty powerful.

Second, I kind of like the idea of instead of the mother closing her eyes before her head hit the pillow, that she cried into her pillow or maybe cried herself to sleep?

I found myself wondering what the characters’s names were.  Did you have any in mind? Were they intentionally, nameless?

Strong scene!

I walked out of the school door, feeling as though I was naked as the sun shone on my bare face, making me uncomfortable. Casting a side glance, I tried to walk ahead of a group of giggling schoolgirls. Now there was a human wall behind me, I sighed a sigh of relief. At the corner of my eye, I saw an old woman with white hair.

Can it be? Can it be the Landlady?

In my mind, a white-haired old woman who once asked me for my number filled the void of the Roald Dahl’s imaginary character description. It fits so well… I can almost sense her now… smelling of bitter almonds with the poison she’ll offer me..

I picked up my pace. 

But not so quickly she can see you though, a voice in my head said.

Right after I turned right at the next corner, I stopped and sighed. The blur of white hair turned left. 

“So that wasn’t she after all,” I thought. 

But be careful, another one is coming.

Aware of this, I began to pick up my pace again. 

I had fun and ran with this, much more than 15 mins!!  I can’t help feeling something’s missing in this piece – or not quite right… Any ideas?

The rivers burst last night after the rain.  Debris from the river banks gushed down the river and, after mingling with the waves, left the ocean gritty and wild.  The muddy waves throw themselves back at the sand.  Foam that was once white has turned brown, and it sticks to the black rocks who stoically ignore the bombardment.  

Silently the couple walks side by side, without holding hands as their daughter toddles ahead.  

Melanie looks between the rocks, where off-white muck is gathering in the tidal pools.  They look like breaking spiderwebs, she thinks.  

‘It’s an investment if you think about it,’ Dave says, reaching for her hand.  She jerks it away and wipes a cold palm on her faded pair of jeans as she walks towards her daughter.

‘Come here Sophie,’ she says. ‘What have you got there?’

Sophie, plonked on the sand, is surrounded by strands of black seaweed and chewing happily.  She grins as Melanie runs towards her but the smile fades as she recognises her mothers intentions, and turns her face away.  

‘Daniel,’ Melanie says in a voice just like his mother.  ‘Daniel, she’s eating seaweed.’

He doesn’t do what she expects – run towards Sophie, scold, chide and stuff his fingers into her mouth and rescue her.  He’s been running on his wife’s treadmill and rescuing her for the last 20 years and it’s left him exhausted.  No, he simply sighs and shakes his head.  

‘It won’t hurt her,’ he says, wrapping a piece of seaweed around his finger.  

‘That’s yucky,’ she yells, digging the black goo out her daughters mouth.  

She crunches her teeth together, biting down the words meant for him.  They only encourage his passivity, make the sloth in him come alive.  If he was earning and active, then maybe she could see the need for a bigger TV.  

A wave smashes against a rock and the dirty brown water moves towards her toes.  She grabs Sophie by the arm and hitches her around her waist, stomping jerkily into the grainy sand.  She ignores Sophies wails and her husband, who has become a spot behind them. Dave lumbers forward, hands hidden in his pocket, and every step an effort.   

Melanie reaches the parking lot and the feeling of cold pavement under her feet steadies her.

‘Let’s go sit in the car,’ she says to her daughter, touching the lines on her forehead.

‘Yucky,’ Sophie says, pointing to the black seaweed  dotted all over the sand.

‘Yes,’ she says, ‘yucky.’

I think it certainly describes the conflict in a marriage clearly.  You might want to stick to just one POV and I like his better than hers because he seems less sure that he is the one who is “right”.  You could emphasize his attachment to the child and growing dissatisfaction with the wife.  I don’t know but I do love the scene and the seaweed and I certainly felt at first afraid for her to eat the seaweed and then, even before he thought it, I thought “well people do eat seaweed”  .  Are you going to work it into a short story.  

Thanks so much Marianne!  You guys are right – I think 2 POV’s – at least how I’ve done them – makes the scene bitty.  I do like the symbolism of the black seaweed and the immoveable boulder, so this may become something I work on. (Due to your suggestion, I’m working on my ‘mail-order’ story for the contest this week!! So thank you  –  you are such an asset in this community.

Hi again, Zoe.

Agree, about sticking to one POV, but you seem more invested in hers, so if you got rid of a few sentences that pop into the heads of Dave (or Daniel… I think you called him that once?) or Sophie, that would accomplish it.

I like the descriptive way you set the scene, but I think it could be trimmed a little?

Debris from the river banks gushed downstream…

Sea foam, stained brown by river mud…

where off-white muck gathers in the tidal pools like broken spiderwebs.

I REALLY like the line about the rocks stoically ignoring the bombardment (but I think it needs to be “that” not “who”?).  It is a good metaphor (whether intentional or not) for how Dave is unaffected by his wife or child or life, and just wants a big screen TV.

You give a very good sense of the dynamic of this couple.  Good job!

I really appreciate this crit. Taking a lot away to chew on and remember for next time (ESPECIALLY less is more!!).  Thanks for such thorough feedback, Wendy!

 I wish I could use descriptions the way you do!  I agree with the POV, but it’s still wonderful.

Thanks Marla! 🙂

I’d like to nominate you for a One Lovely Blog Award – check out my blog entry here to get the details. http://www.viciousviciouswords.com/2012/09/07/one-lovely-blog-award/  

The hardest part was the waiting, I just realized. That bastard who walked like he owned the world; shoulders thrown back in a conceited show of arrogance. Hehe… won’t be so cocky soon. I got a tingling in my body, a bead of sweat ran down my back. Blink. Blink. Why was he taking so long?how long does it take to walk up a flight of stairs? Deep breath in and out. My feet moved, shadowing him as I gleefully awaits what was about to occur.Not so cocky now huh? 

 Love the shoulders thrown back.  Good work.

The door shuts soundlessly after me, the room is desolate with a mahogany table and a chair. They call it a dining room, one fitting for a monster. A new maid is setting the table; a glass, a pitcher and a plate. She is a new one, the previous one probably quite. It doesn’t pay eneough. She staggers and clutches the table to steady herself, she is no maid. She looks  up caught and she shifts. Hatred rears it ugly head in her flame colored eyes. Ba-dum. a knife is where my head was, another one on the way. Ba-dum, Ba-dum. I roll out of the way and rush at her. Her nail moves across a knife and it responds with a fiery awakening.Ba-dum. Ba-dum. Ba-dum. Avoiding the projectile is futile as several replace it. I don’t like heat, and she was heat personified. Blood rushes in my ears and my heart wants to jump out of my chest. Why? She lungs  with her fire knife and my hand darts out to stop the killing blow. Pain, Fire. I throw it away from me. A chill nearly overcomes me; sweat runs down my back. “It’s a pity I’ll have to kill you,” she says,  allowing a soft smile to grace her features. She is confident, but frustrated. “My brother sent you, didn’t he?” Her eyes widen and the hate vanishes momentarily as pain creeps in her golden-amber eyes. Her grip relaxes and the knife clutters to the floor.

At 6:35 AM, Carrie slapped her dollar store purchase into silence.  At 6:45, when it came back for more, she knocked it to the floor.  The black plastic cracked, wiring and circuitry poking out.  The LED display was a flat grey.  Time had stopped, but she could no longer delay getting out of bed.   Carrie padded toward the kitchen.  Grit from her unswept hallway bummed a ride on the bottom of her feet.  Bubble-gum “La-Las” popped through her daughter Ava’s closed bedroom door.  Ava sang along with gusto and tone-deafness, flicking a smile onto Carrie’s face before she remembered to hide it.  Carrie dusted her fingers along the edge of the “Please Knock” sign Ava had scribbled in 9-year old penmanship and stuck to her door with an abundance of Scotch tape.  Carrie debated doing what the sign said, but inaction won out in favor of just facing her daughter at breakfast.   The morning-after a mother-daughter screaming match could scald like coffee or go down easy like fresh-squeezed orange juice.  On only 3 hours and 41 minutes of sleep, Carrie’s brain was too deprived of reasoning skills to predict which way the dawn would break.   Carrie bypassed the usual breakfast fare of whole-wheat bagels and banana and went straight for the freezer side of her Kenmore.  Freezer-burned air gushed forth, leaving Carrie’s cheek numb but not cold.

She pulled out the mint chocolate chip ice cream, even though she preferred vanilla.   With the only clean spoon left in the utensil drawer, Carried scooped out two heaping bowls of black-speckled greeness.  She plunked the spoon into one dish, and pulled out a fork for herself.   “Breakfast!”   “Coming!!”   The only iciness on their tongues that morning was laden with sugar.

At 6:35 AM, Carrie slapped her dollar store purchase into silence.  At 6:45, when it came back for more, she knocked it to the floor.  The black plastic cracked, wiring and circuitry poking out.  The LED display was a flat grey.  Time had stopped, but she could no longer delay getting out of bed.   Carrie padded toward the kitchen.  Grit from her unswept hallway bummed a ride on the bottom of her feet.  Bubble-gum “La-Las” popped through her daughter Ava’s closed bedroom door.  Ava sang along with gusto and tone-deafness, flicking a smile onto Carrie’s face before she remembered to hide it.  Carrie dusted her fingers along the edge of the “Please Knock” sign Ava had scribbled in 9-year old penmanship and stuck to her door with an abundance of Scotch tape.  Carrie debated doing what the sign said, but inaction won out in favor of just facing her daughter at breakfast.   The morning-after a mother-daughter screaming match could scald like coffee or go down easy like fresh-squeezed orange juice.  On only 3 hours and 41 minutes of sleep, Carrie’s brain was too deprived of reasoning skills to predict which way the dawn would break.   Carrie bypassed the usual breakfast fare of whole-wheat bagels and banana and went straight for the freezer side of her Kenmore.  Freezer-burned air gushed forth, leaving Carrie’s cheek numb but not cold.She pulled out the mint chocolate chip ice cream, even though she preferred vanilla. With the last clean spoon from the drawer, Carried scooped out two heaping bowls of black-speckled greeness.  She plunked the spoon into one dish, and pulled out a fork for herself.  “Breakfast!” the mother fired down the hall “Coming!” her daughter shot back. The only iciness on their tongues that morning was laden with sugar.

You show the tension so well.  There is so much weariness in the first couple of sentences that I love – the grit bumming a ride being one of them!  I appreciate the quiet layered details that show the conflict and mood really well in this piece without shouting it – i.e. she’d prefer vanilla ice-cream, no more spoons…  And you tie up the conflict with one simple, beautiful line.  

Wow, Wendy that was so rich in description and certainly mood. I did have to read a couple of lines twice to follow what was being said; in the first and second paragraph mostly, to get my bearing. I think because you described things in such unique ways. Not bad just different. 

The end left me with questions about the details of all that had transpired before, but also the feeling that mother daughter relationships are filled with many bitter sweet moments in life. 

There is no heartbeat in depression. At least I can’t hear mine. The walls, the floor, the garden is grey. The music blobs, and bleats, and berates my ears with muffled noises. I walk and walk. My feet hit the concrete. Cold wind sends leaves, birds flying to the ground. A child’s voice wails thinly. 

The starkness is tangible – this is such a good description.

Thank you, Zoe 🙂 Appreciate it!

Yvette, you’ve created a realm I feel I walk in when I read this.  I like the simplicity.

Thanks, Jean! I don’t suffer from depression, however I’ve been there at significant times of transition in my life. So I just went back there.

After six long months, she was on her way to the station to meet him.  Even the rain orchestrated a watery symphony on her open umbrella and plip-plopped merrily into the puddles forming on the ground.  “Six months over, six months over” all the windshield wipers seemed to sing.  She could see rainbows in all the glistening raindrops.  Her smile flashed out at the people on the street, bringing rays of sunshine to all who saw her.  Her feet seemed to skim the air, she was practically singing.

I love the happy dance your words convey. It’s a swirl of motion and sound and joy!

Thanks! Joy is usually accompanied by sunshine, so I tried to play it differently. And probably the onomatopoeia exercise influenced me as well…

Hi Wendy, I’m sorry I took me so long to respond to your comment. It has been a zoo of a week! Thanks for your suggestions. I think they are spot on. I agree with the “baby dimples” sentence. I wasn’t happy with the flow of it. I guess I was just being lazy and left it the way it was. I’m also surprised, but I agree with your suggestion to leave off the last couple of sentences. I’ve started to notice that about my writing that I don’t stop when I should and less really is more. Thanks for your comments and encouragement!

My heart beat to the rhythm of my footfalls. Thump. Step. Thump. Step. I raggedly inhaled another feeble attempt to soothe my air-deprived lungs. My tormented body screamed for mercy. Each leg seemed to bear the weight of lead. Each step required strength I no longer had. And yet I ran.

Perhaps it was the adrenaline pumping through my veins, or some unknown reserve of energy, No, sheer will-power thrust me forward. I tried to focus my muddled thoughts on the only sanity I could acquire. Repetition. Left foot. Right foot. Left foot. Right foot.

All around me was a blur, a swirling mass of color. I didn’t know where I was anymore. I didn’t know where I was going, but I couldn’t stop. Time wasn’t on my side.

They knew…

I threw a glance behind me… I didn’t see anyone, but that didn’t mean they weren’t there.

The doors are unlocked. I’m certain of it.

I creep down the stairs, groping my way in the dark for the light switch. I finally find it, and flick it upward.

The rooms suddenly floods with light. From outside the windows, grotesque figures hiss and scream, their faces distorted and disturbing.

Don’t think about it.

I reach down to the door handle, arms shaking. Tension builds up within my body. My fingers are quivering as I curl them around the handle.

I pull it down. It’s unlocked.

Horror pervades my body. I’m sweating now, and can feel chills running down my spine.

I turn it to the right, until I hear the click. Then I turn it back to the left and unlock it.

I turn it to the right.

I have to hurry up. Bad things will happen to me.

To the left.

I can feel my face burning up. I hear the whispers behind me.

The grotesque figures are coming now. I can feel their icy breath on my neck.

I can almost feel their tortured faces looming close to my ear, whispering promises of death.

A flood of relief fills me. I wipe the beads of sweat from my face.

I am terrified, but I look behind me.

I switch of the lights and slowly creep back upstairs. The darkness shrouding me grows larger.

The darkness becomes invasive.

I grab hold of my necklace, and swing it in circles.

Suddenly, it feels a lot better.

It feels a lot safer.

I don’t care if this was two years ago, this made me actually scared. I was grabbing my shirt and shaking in my seat while I read this. There was so much tension! Amazing writing! Are the figures zombies? Just wondering.

It didn’t matter how many times I readjusted my scarf, twirled an unruly lock of hair around my finger or bounced my leg up and down, as if an infant were perched there on my knee giggling with delight, the time for action was brought no closer. Perhaps, I reasoned, if I breathed more evenly or counted dust moats, but no, those actions only served to prolong the space of time between the onset of waiting and what was ahead. Though not seen in the distance the inevitable would certainly be upon me, this I knew, yet having no knowledge of a proscribed itinerary lessened the value of knowing to an excruciatingly miniscule blip on the radar of my current circumstance.

What is it with being single that makes all your family and married friends treat you as if you are the lowest form of a pariah? So what, Laign thought, she was 35 with no boyfriend in sight, and despite what her pregnant friend Cassy had said tonight, she didn’t hear the incessant ticking of her ovaries counting down their productivity with each year that passed.

For the millionth time, Laign kicked herself for not having more single friends, but it seemed they were all going down like flies. Each year it seemed she was in someone’s wedding and each time, she had to hear her mother bemoan the fact that she was going to be too old to hold her grandchild if and when Laign ever gave her one. Plus wedding gifts were outrageous!

On a good note Thursday night happy hours were now shorter, because her friends had husbands and children to get home to. That cut down on hangover recovery on Fridays and increased productivity, which led to promotions. Laign had Miss Mouse, her cat, whom could care less if she came home or not; as long as someone fed her.

The evening air littered with traffic noise was cucumber cool, and with the time change, darkness had overtaken the seven o’clock sky. Laign walked on oblivious to the fact that she had 15 blocks to go. Despite everyone else’s concern for her relationship status, her only concern was watching where she was walking. The lights of the city seemed to intermingle with the stars in the sky and she would rather be looking at them than where she was going, but her manolo blahniks made maneuvering the cracks treacherous especially after having had two glasses of wine.

That was another point on the pro side of being single. She could buy as many pairs of shoes as she wanted and no one would give her grief. She didn’t have to share her closet with anyone, and given its constant state of upheaval, that was a good thing. There was also the fact that as soon as she reached her apartment, she would don her favorite pair of worn out boxers, and rattiest NYU t-shirt, throw her hair up into a ponytail and not care about having to look good while she watched “The Bachelor”. Oh and there, that was another item to go on her list – no one to give her grief over watching afore-mentioned show.

Feeling empowered with each item that made it onto her mental list, Laign didn’t see the oncoming pedestrian until she bumped square into him and his phone that he was texting on. Rubbing her head and getting ready to give him grief over not watching where he was going, she looked up into the bluest eyes she had ever seen. A cornflower blue crayon came to mind.

Really good story, plus I love the name Laign

Thank you very much Lucy.

I checked my pocket watch every five second.

“Would she come?” A thought raced through my mind.

I started to tap my fingers nervously, my gaze drifted to the table

The spoons and forks weren’t parallel, the menu didn’t stand in the perfect center. A drop of molten wax slliped of the candlestick and fell on the table.

The watch bleeped, it was seven. “Were is she?” I glanced around the restaurant, sending a fork flying to the floor with my elbow. Getting irritated I snatched it and slammed it next to the other forks.

Then I felt my heart jump as the door opened, but a frown quickly replaced my eager smile.

It was someone else.

Pretty good job showing, Michael! I only noticed two spots where you used feeling words, “Getting irritated” and the sentence starting “I felt my heart jump.” Otherwise, you did a great job showing!

He looked down at himself. He was dirty, sweaty, his hair was greasy, his collar had popped away from his shirt, which was stained with mud and ash. There was a hole in his trousers and his palms stung. He’d been dreaming. Or having a nightmare, he realised. Anna was not dead! The Martians had not killed her!

The Martians! Oh the Martians! He began to walk-stagger-towards home. He didn’t know what time it was, didn’t know how long he’d been lying there on the bridge. He was lost with his thoughts. The Martians were still out there. If only they’d been a nightmare. The threat of them seemed to close in on him like insulation foam, loom over him like the expectant news of the death of a loved one.

Nice GC. I like how you used the character’s voice and tone to convey emotion without using feeling words.

Back on Bodney Road, Matty and I were stood in thick jackets in the cold. We were lucky that business was unusually slow today. Pedro was busy picking up a few things for the job so we didn’t have his car to hold the amount of drugs we normally did and I didn’t feel comfortable selling from my Mustang. Although Harkley was a relatively safe place for us to deal, thats not to say it didn’t have its hazards and drawing unnecessary attention catering to fiends in a car like that would just be asking for trouble. Stood in the dark alley we normally parked in front of, Matty was telling me about his daughter.

“I saw Erin today.”

“Really? I thought you weren’t allowed to visit.”

“Well I saw her from a distance. It was her first day of school today, you know. I stood across the road from her school gates on her breaktime and watched her play with the other kids for a few minutes.”

“How old is she now?”

He looked at his hands and started fiddling with the bag of coke that was in them.

“She just turned five.”

He stared off into the distance, looking everywhere but at me. I tried to lighten the mood. “Wow, seems like only yesterday you were freaking out about being a father.” Not so much as a smile.

“Yeah, five years flew by, didn’t it?”

“She looks a lot like me. Kid’s got a little motormouth too. Never stops talking.”

“Apple doesn’t fall too far from the tree, huh?”

He smiled and scoffed.

“Fuck off.”

“Hey, Matty?”

“What?”

“Dianne will come round to her senses, mate, don’t worry.”

“Yeah…I guess.” He sighed.

Interesting twist to this conversation and great use of dialogue to convey mood!

We used to dance, my husband and I. His arms would wrap tightly around my waist, and our bodies would move with the melody like reeds moved with the wind. The music would tease our faces, puling up the corners of our mouths and dusting spots of light in our eyes. Our heartbeats matched the tempo, one pound, two pound, and- a-three pound. The pictures of the old bar are faded, yellowed with age. They cover the walls like ghosts of a time long ago, a time where the music was always happy and our feet were in perfect rhythm. Young, bright faces stare at the camera. They’re frozen in that moment, preserving the specks of light in their eyes and the little melodies playing with their smiles. Memories. Memories of warm summer nights and fox trots and waltzes with fireflies. My favorite picture is hung on the mantel. He insisted it went there; now it’s been damaged by the annual fires of the wintertime. We’re looking away from the camera. He has his hand in mine as we approach the floor. You can see the butterflies in our stomach tickling our senses, dusting our expressions with a nervous glee. One, two three. One, two three. I can hear the melody, the slow waltz. It echoes throughout the room, all around the pictures. For a moment, transparent figures step out of their frames, find their partners, and dance. I close my eyes, raise my hands to the air. It holds me as I make my way around the living room, spinning round and round until it fades into silence. The figures’ smiles drop as the music leaves their expression. Their eyes widen slightly as they release each other and vanish into the air as the last chord dies. My eyes open, and I can see the last glimmers of my husband’s eyes as he steps back into our frame. I know that this is the last time I will dance. I allow myself to start another waltz in the silence, alone. My steps shake, and I stumble on the second beat. They recover, tracing the footprints they made forty years ago. On the final beat, I fade as well, and join the pictures on the wall.

Mmm… this was beautiful Lauren. You so clearly captured the mood, especially that last paragraph, and all without telling. Well done!

Thank you so much!

I was lying on my stomach on the roof of a ramshackle house somewhere in a godforsaken desert. I was soaked to the bone and shivering uncontrollably, but I wasn’t about to move. Moving would be too dangerous right now. I knew I was probably going to be stuck there until the dawn. I was pissed at the situation, its times like these I wished I had made different life choices, but there’s no time to think about that, I’ve got a job to do and people trusting me to do it well. But damn it was cold. The rain continued to steadily fall onto my body. I chuckled to myself as I thought about the bright side, at least I couldn’t get any wetter.

I continued searching into the dark. There were a few visible buildings, one being the police station and the rest being mostly just civilian homes. Maybe there was a school, but there shouldn’t be kids in a school at night, so we weren’t too worried about it. The police station had been under attack for a while, as was made evident by the tracers that kept going back and forth periodically, over the last forty-five minutes or so. Our position was far enough away to be out of immediate danger but close enough where things could get “hairy” at any moment. We not only had to worry about the insurgents attacking the police, but the police themselves. We were on a covert observation mission, no one knew we were there and we knew the Iraqi’s were more likely to shoot at us first rather than find out who we were.

I maintain my sector, still scanning, searching and assessing the situation and radioing to the LT at predetermined times any new information. There was none. I continued to get waterlogged and freeze. I hadn’t stopped shivering for hours. I honestly thought I was becoming hypothermic. I couldn’t wait for either dawn or some of those insurgents to wander down towards us so we could be ‘compromised’ and get a little action in. It had been weeks since we’d taken any contact, and we knew those mother’s weren’t too far away. It hurt more than the cold to know they were out there and our hands were basically tied.

This was becoming mundane. Most of an infantryman’s job is more like “Groundhog Day” than “Rambo.” Contacts. This how quickly an infantryman’s job can go from mundane to thrilling.

Contacts! I got on the radio and let the LT we had possible targets moving in our direction. I counted seven and yes, it looked as if they were armed. As the other Marines moved into fighting positions, I maintained situational awareness, not wanting to get tunnel vision on these clowns only to get surprised from another direction. We still had no authority to attack the group, as we didn’t know their intent. Most of them had their rifles slung and were, therefore, not a threat at that time. They were moving rather quickly though, and with what seemed like purpose. As they got closer I was able to put glass on them and found they did not have on police or military uniforms. They were wearing running shoes, had their faces covered and were wearing some battle rattle. These were the insurgents that had been attack the police for almost the last hour and a half. They had to be.

I had stopped shivering. I was concentrating too hard on these assholes approaching us. I had a perfect sight picture through the irons on my SAW. One wrong move by any of them and I’d squeeze of an eight-to-ten round burst that would probably knock down at least half of them. I knew my weapon would pull up and right, so I aimed at the left leg of the left-most insurgent, knowing that I’d put a couple through him and hit a couple of others on his right in their torso, or maybe even face. The closer they got, the fewer of them I’d hit on my first burst. I just wanted them to do something stupid. Just one bad move.

Their point man stopped and looked intently in our direction. To this day I am unsure what gave us away, but he definitely saw us. He yelled something loudly, in Arabic, to his comrades and raised his rifle in our direction…

(No edits or proofing, I banged this out as quickly as I could as I remembered the situation)

I was sentenced to die. Not by any court of law, no, it was my own treasonous mind that had made the pronouncement. I had done nothing that I was aware of so injurious that I should suffer unspeakable anguish until my hopeful demise. It was my mind, always pronouncing a guilty verdict upon me. Guilty, guilty, guilty whispering in deafening silence. The many unheard voices; beckoning me to step off the ledge into the darkness, the endless unknown. There the torture would end, wonderful nothingness, wonderful emptiness. No coming back however, it would be the final act of this convict.

How did it begin? I tried to think without the distraction of demons surrounding me. If I could remember how it began perhaps I could go back to that place and take a different road. Had I made a sinful choice, was that it? Did I do harm to someone and my mind has blocked it out? It’s no use the voices will not allow me to find my redemption, they have become part of me and although I understand them to be depraved and loathsome now they were not unpleasant. If I could see them I know they would be beautiful, lovely. In the beginning even seemingly virtuous………..until you realize they have driven you mad.

Drip. Drip. Drip. The tears are silent as they fall. I count them as they land. They make a small wet spot on his rug. The sinking feeling in my stomach grows, until I feel like I’m going to hurl. I hear light footsteps on the floor and cast an upwards glance through my hair. It’s him.

The couch dips and I know he’s sitting next to me. I feel his arm moving around my shoulders, trying to comfort me. I won’t allow him to touch me ever again.

I flinch away from him. “Don’t touch me,” I say, my voice a hoarse whisper.

His arm moves back to his side. He gets up. I know this is the last time I will ever see him.

The darkness seemed to push in on her. The smell of rotten eggs and moldy hay chocked her. The ice of the shackles biting into her wrists and weighing down her arms caused her throat to tighten. The ice cold stone leached the feeling from her feet.

Was she ever going to get out of this hell? She wasn’t able to focus on any one thing for very long. Every noise made her jump. A rat skittered across her bare legs causing her to jump out of her skin.

There were foot steps in the hallway outside the door to her personal hell. Was her devil coming back to torment her some more?

She felt like a cockroach caught in the sudden light of an open door. She pressed herself against the back wall, trying to make herself as small as possible.

This was not enough to deter the man who filled up the doorway. He was much taller than she with shoulders as wide as a barn. His stingy dark hair hung just past his shoulders. His face was marked with scars that told a story of many fights. One notable scar was the one than ran from his narrow forehead, through his dead left eye, and down to his pointy chin barely missing the curl of his thin lips.

In his hand he held the weapon of her destruction. His favorite tool of torture, the cat-o-nine tails. The shiny points of the nails a reminder of the pain to come.

He walked over to her, his beady eye drilling a hole in he soul, and ripped the shirt that had dried to her back after his last beating from her body.

The screams that emanated from her body were far more heartbreaking than any sound that had ever befallen Fidelia’s ears.

Unbidden tears spilled from Rayeena’s eyes as he grabbed her by the arm and threw her against the wall. She tensed up for what she knew would be coming next.

The sound of leather whipping through the air caused an involuntary shudder to run through her body. She flinched when the metal claws hit the wall near her ear.

“The anticipation is the best part, don’t you think?” he asked in a honeyed tone.

She whimpered in response as he reared up for another swing. The points entered her back and tore the flesh from her bones. A scream that she had no control over ripped through her as the nails bit into her flesh over and over.

By the time he had finished, she had nearly passed out from the pain. She fell to the floor sobbing as the door slammed shut.

“That should do the trick,” a rough voice said from the other side of the door. “The Elf won’t be able to stay away for long.”

She tried to reach out to Fid to warn her but she fell into the nothingness of unconsciousness before she had a chance.

I felt as though I was falling. All around me; a darkened version of what used to be. A silent symphony of voices that were never there plagued my mind, as I felt my bones tremble with uncertainty. The windy atmosphere whipped at my mind, tempting me. Tempting me to give in to this dream.

My eyes traveled to the infinite void underneath my body. I could see a bright red dot; like it was my only hope out of this darkness. I could hear my mind shouting out to me, ‘Quicker… Quicker!’

But… that ground of hope never came spiraling closer to my body. Instead… it was more like I was… floating.

Just like that, the endless realm transformed into a starry night’s sky; flowing on, to the non-existant horizon and beyond. A warm feeling overtook my senses, and felt as though I was being engulfed in some sort of relief.

Well…

It is always seems like Heaven after Hell…

Dunno why I chose this, but I did mine on grief/guilt.

No. No, no, there was no way she could be gone. My best friend, the one person that accepted me for who I was when no one else would. She couldn’t just be….gone.

“But she is.” my mind whispers without my permission. I desperately try to clamp down on my thoughts before they continue, but I can’t gain control, and the words slither into being. “And it’s all your fault. You should have seen. You should have seen just how much she was hurting and done something about it.”

“But I did.” I whimper despairingly. My tears are waterfalls originating at my eyes and flooding down my face.“I tried my hardest, I swear.”

“You were too busy wrapped up in school and reality to try your hardest. You ignored her when she needed to talk, to let it all out, and it killed her!”

“NO!” I cry out, and the ache I’ve kept carefully under wraps in my chest explodes out of it’s cage and rips through my chest, my mind, my entire body with claws sharper than anything I’ve ever experienced. It overcomes my senses entirely; I can’t hear over the throbbing in my ears, can’t feel anything tangible for the pain ripping my soul to shreds, can’t see anything through my blinding tears, can’t taste anything but bitterness, and can’t smell anything over the scent of blood. I know there isn’t actually any blood anywhere near me, that the blood from the bullet wound on her head has been scoured from my hands like it never existed, but I swear it’s the realest thing right now. I gag on it, it pours down my throat, and my sobs are screams as the monster carves me up from the inside out. I squeeze my eyes shut and clench my jaw against it, but the back of my eyelids are far worse than my blurry bedroom. All they portray are my best friend in the whole world lying on the floor of her beloved forest, crimson soaking into her wonderful brown hair, her beautiful blue eyes staring at the trees she defended so adamantly. But she doesn’t see them. Can’t. Never will again. She’s gone and never coming back. We’ll never giggle over inside jokes ever again. She won’t ever tell me my boyfriend is being dense, and won’t text me encouragements when I need a boost. She’ll never smile, laugh, or cry again.

“Your fault.”

My fault. My fault that she won’t ever graduate high school, that she won’t find the true love she thought she’d had, that she won’t get to live her life.

She’s not coming back, and it’s my fault.

I clutch my arms around myself, as if to capture the shattered slivers of my heart and keep them from flying away, to try and mould them back together again into a shape I recognize, into any shape at all. To try and keep the monster in me from destroying every bit of me completely, even though I already know it will.

I clutch my arms around myself and scream at the top of my lungs.

“My fault.”

I am taking a writing class now and I have always had a hard time showing and not telling. When I wrote the assignment for the class that was evident. So I wrote this as a separate piece to her as an example to see if I really knew how to show and not tell. Here it is.

Now a question I have is this: is it easier to show and not tell when writing in present tense as if you are a character ????

Here without farther ado is the example…

“Hurrying to my computer, I open its lid and press the button. Impatience gripped me as my stomach tightened and I could feel my heart beat. Would she like this assignment, did I get it right finally? Standing there waiting for the screen to turn blue with the welcoming message and the desktop background to appear was like watching paint dry. Slow.

As I wait my impatience causes me to pace as my steps are slower than my racing thoughts due to surgery. I walk to the kitchen to make coffee. Maybe busying myself would keep me from thinking of the email that would be waiting for me when I did finally log in.”

Thank you for reading and or commenting.

I’m still worried I’m not all that good with Showing and not Telling, but here it goes:

His legs stood firm and strong as he slid along the flagpole with the grace of a circus performer.

A heavy, but liberating feeling of relaxation came to his legs as his feet gave way and his pale hands clapped around the pole below him. The rattling surged along his arms all the way to his shoulders as he looked down to the light spangled crowd below him.

“Here it goes…” he muttered to himself, his hesitant breath jagged in his mouth.

And he let go.

As soon as his fingers brushed over the cool metal flagpole and his stomach lurched upwards, the wind began to whip coarsely through his hair and the frigid air washed over him. This feeling was still the same, even after all these years. His body was falling, but his soul felt like it was lifting.

The sweat dripping from my forehead arose to my memory, creating the small tears grow to my eyes. Morphin jail has become a torture chamber in my mind. I still remember my mother calling to me, “Don’t give up, Erin! Run away!” as I was locked in the car, her legs raing up to the bumper, making horrible noises. -My Book So Far

I looked around in the cold dark alley, hoping, almost begging that I had lost him. I never believed it could go as far as this, I didnt think and that is the problem. A clatter was heard from a distant and I jumped, my heart beating harder and harder. I looked out of the corner and saw a little cat on top of a garbage can. My breath slowed down and I sat down on my knees, tears was streaming down my cheeks now out of happiness. I had lost him, I had finally managed to lose him.

I stod up on my feet and a little smile played on my mouth, I turned the corner and walked out of the dark and cold alley. When I got out of the alley my heart starting beating like an elephant running around, how? How could he be here so fast? I turned around fast hoping he didn’t see me, but it was too late, he grabbed me and smiled his sinister smile as he always did. My heart didn’t stop beating and I was now out of breath, sweat was pouring out of me and mixing with my tears of fear now. —- Not sure if anyone is ever going to read this considering the post was 4 years ago, but I just wanted to try write this and if anyone reads it please leave a comment 🙂

Pitch black. Silence. “Please somebody help me!” No response. Her breaths get shorter and shorter, her heart starts beating rapidly she hums’ to calm herself down and counts 1…2…2… ..3. The heaviness strapping her down she manages to wiggle her legs lay dormant her arms are set free. She pushes upwards above put her hands above her face feeling a smooth, cool, soft unbreakable surface. As she clawed, punched it wouldn’t budge. All it would do is recycle the pungent smell of a disinfectant and metallic aroma, making her feel nauseous. Again, she starts to count to steady her breathing. She feels something scratching her left side of her calf wiggles down her right side of her body stretching to work her arms down towards her feet reaching she almost has it. Click. Eeerup. She freezes. The darkness is barley lit. She steadily wiggles herself back up the wetness in her hands, rolls down her back. Muffles voices in the distance. Footsteps coming closer. “Help Me! Please!” “Why can’t you hear me!” A Deep males voice leans over her “Poor girl she was young.” He pats her were her legs are. He looks over to the newbie that was on the opposite of her.”Well newbie you’re up.” “Looks like you have a Jane Doe” The newbie has a shaky hands and unzips the pouch and notices the toe tag and her toe are clinched in her right hand.

It was like the night circled around me, tighter and colder, and I had nothing to wrap across my shivering shoulders but my thin t-shirt that was ripped into shreds. The trees rattled their skeleton-like, pale branches, and the black night sky was void of stars. The only thing that provided light was that yellow moon that hung fat in the sky, hidden by dark, swirling clouds.

My bare feet trod upon the thick, white snow, even though I could barely feel it, for my feet felt numb with cold. As I shuffled on in that dark forest, my sleep-deprived eyes spotted two red slits among the shadows of the trees, and a large, black silhouette to go with them. My eyes widened, and I took off through the trees, tripping over the high snow. Every time I turned my head, that figure seemed closer to me, lurking in the darkness. My feet continued crashing upon the icy precipitation, resulting in craters in the once untouched snow. Wind howled in my ears, screaming a warning to get out of that forest before the silhouette with the scarlet eyes could catch me.

My breath came in hitched and quick as I raced across that forest, keeping my arms tucked into my body tight for warmth. My eyes whipped around once again, but I searched those pale trees and saw nothing but black.

No red eyes. No silhouette. Just darkness.

Suddenly I was scared to turn my head back, and I kept my eyes behind me as I sprinted blindly. Instantly, my body hit something hard, and I found myself on the ground, stuck in the icy snow. My bare arms and legs started to sting, and my hands went under me to pick my body up from the snow. I turned around slowly, because my body wasn’t frozen from only cold.

As soon as my head was fully turned up, I was face to face with those scarlet eyes, that dark silhouette towering above me. It gave long, deep exhales, puffs of frigid breath drifting off into the night. My eyes stared into the deep red eyes of the figure that hung over me, and I watched as it produced claws from its shadow that used to be unclear. And those long claws became closer and closer, and I could hear them scratch each other with deafening screeches. They gleamed with sharpness as they were ready to caress my face with their blade, and I sucked in one last breath, squeezing my eyes shut before the final blow…

It’s gone. I can’t believe I lost a seemingly unimportant piece of paper to anyone else who was loaded with money, but was like my whole treasure to me. I had it in my hand a minute ago. I swear! I looked on the kitchen counter, not there. I looked in all my mail, even the ones I had thrown away in my trash already. Not there. The last place I looked was my living room. Guess what? Not there either! Sweating now after my uneventful treasure hunt, and partly because I didn’t have air conditioning in my apartment, I plopped myself down on my steal of a couch from the thrift store. My leg was insistently bouncing up and down at the realization that I had truly lost my paycheck. Creating little tremors throughout the floorboards that were probably earthquake size to the tiny people I used to believe lived under the floor. Learned my lesson the hard way when I decided to extend an olive tree branch towards the little people in the hopes of becoming friends with them. The only way I could do that was to tear up my family homes kitchen floor up. I thought their headquarters would most likely be there. That way they would have easy access to food and water. I was a smart little runt if I do say so myself. To my disappointment in the end all I found was this sticky black substance that wouldn’t come off my hands for weeks and a front row seat to the spectacular view of a moldy crease joining two adjacent walls together. My parents were dissapointed in me to say the least. Maybe they had it? I knew they had it out for me the day I ruined their home. All I would need to do was call up my landlord and demand to have my floors yanked up from the very place they were put d-… Now, now Michael. Putting the blame on childhood creatures was not the way to go about things. I knew, and the little people knew that I was avoiding the real matter at hand. It wasn’t that I couldn’t fess up to my irresponsibility. It was that I didn’t want to. Losing my paycheck was the one thing I always got right. Going straight to the bank to deposit it was my regular routine. Today though, I had given in to my lethargy of working my graveyard shift down at the gas station and headed straight home. That’s what I get for breaking a good routine. Closing my eyes at the mental war that was happening upstairs, I thought of all the possible outcomes of this one mistake. The one that stuck out like a sore thumb and hurt like one too was I wouldn’t be able to pay my rent. My two month overdue rent to be more specific that was due tomorrow. This only meant one thing, I had to face my landlord face to face. I usually could avoid that because everything was done online now, but this was serious and I had no other means to pay it. My social skills weren’t that impressive, neither my over the phone conversations. I had texting to thank for solving those two problems. So meeting my elusive landlord was going to be a real treat all together. Wish me luck little people.

Hi, everyone… I really need help with essay show without tell about smell forest. I have been hard time with this because I can’t smell this… HELP! Smell like forest like you feel safe, calm, peaceful, and fresh in your dream.

Oh no! Here it comes again, the heavy breathing the panting. I think I feel my blood running through my veins but Im not sure anymore. The waves are stronger this time I whispered. My sheets thrown down on the floor from my tossing and turning. I am drenched in sweat  my breathing is heavy. Oh my God am I gonna die?  The tears are warm as they roll down my sweaty face. My heart feels as though it will burst right out of my chest. I frantically thought to myself, I must calm down.

I really enjoyed this article; it is VERY informative. I love all of the examples here, but they are all in first person. My struggle is writing in third person limited. I came to the table to write my first novel with the love of older novels, which tend to have a lot of dialogue tags and do a lot of telling as well as showing. I learned to use what the writer has told me to create the pictures in my mind. Now I’m learning that I need to “show, not tell”. (That phrase makes me a little nauseous, by the way, because it’s so difficult for me to do on a consistant basis.) Would it do me well to maybe write in first person and then switch over to third until I can do that type of writing more naturally?

This is helpful to a lot of people, I guess; but I never write in the first person, I always write in the third. :/ I wish this could have been helpful to me. (Unless it’s a social media post, ha.)

Such a lot of good advice. Thank you. I really want to write with more emotion

gramswisewords.blogspot.com

The feeling flooded over me, swamping and spilling out of my every pore. A feeling that was red hot and fiery. A ferocity that was stronger than any feeling I’d had before. My inner lioness was released, claws out, a seething snare stretches across my face. Over and over again people play me like a board game, one minute they’d be the banker in monopoly taking all my money whilst I share intimate secrets. Next they’d be Plum in the dining room with the knife ready to stab me in the back after I’ve crossed oceans just to make them happy. Over and over. You’d think a girl would learn. That my childish naivety would have surrendered to constant disappointment. Over and over again. I lay down like a doormat and let you wipe your dirty boots all over me. Over and over until the feeling was dizzying, my heart heavy, my body numb. My mind blank but also overflowing, my body willed movement, willed action. But I was frozen on the spot.

He stood in the rain for several hours after everyone else had gone. Or maybe it was merely a few minutes that had passed, though the state of his costly coat implied the aforementioned. So much water ran down his face, like a hoard of malevolent warriors, that it was hard to know what was tears and what wasn’t, though the constant pain in his eyes made it clear they were there. A stone was risen from the ground 1,5 meters in front of him. On the cold white piece of marble a name was carved, that had taken a place in his heart and now left a whole that could not be as easily filled as the grave in front of him.

“Why was I such a fool?!”, he said to the black clouds above him, their massive prescense remaining indifferent to his utterance. “Curse you!”, he continued, screaming to the higher power beyond. He reached into his pockets and took out a knife normally used to open letters. An old thing from his youth. It had become a talisman of luck. He got it from his employer, the only employer that he ever had.

‘If god has a Plan for me’, he thought, almost dropping the knife. ‘Then to bad!’. He held the knife to his chest and… stopped. The knife shook in his hands, but never moved closer to his heart. His sight was blurred and his heart pumping, almost to provoke his brain to proceed. He clenched his teeth shut and clenched his hands harder around the hilt of the knife. He let out a scream that filled the cemetery and threw the knife to his right. He brought his hands to his face and breathed unsteadily. His sat down on his knees and fell on top of the dirt right above his wife, as to come closer to her, to feel her warmth, to feel the love that he knew he didn’t deserve. He had never given her any love at all. “Forgive me, please”, he said to tthe dirt a few centimeters from him. His hands ached to start digging, to centimeter by centimeter find his way to her. To finally put his arms around her and tell her that he loved her.

This for an English paper, creating an epilogue for the Lord of the Flies.

“As the cruiser landed on the shore of a place that Ralph didn’t really care about, the officer then walked them to a plane. Ralph stopped, his hands suddenly clammy and shaking. He became hyperaware of the sound of his own heart beating, the singing of his blood cycling through his veins. He suddenly remembered what happened the last time he boarded a plane. The fear became so great, he could not see or feel or hear the officer holding him, asking him if he was okay. All he could see was the tearing of Simon’s limbs from his body and Piggy’s lifeless form on the rock. The only sounds reaching his ears was the chant of savagery, the laughter of the trees, and the screaming from his own mouth.”

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My hands trembled uncontrollably. I paced throughout my entire apartment and allowed my worries cloud my brain. “What have I done?” I cried. I collapsed to the floor and, the tears streamed down my face like a river. How could I? God, how could I? I lost the only thing that I had left of her, her silver ring. Pain pulsed through my veins. It’s virus continued to spread and, my fingers grew numb. My vision blurred as cries of sadness escaped from my lips. I looked up and there she was. She examined me with frightened eyes. Chills ran down my spine and goosebumps formed on my pale skin. “Mom?” She smiled kindly and kneeled down beside me. She leaned closely to my ear and whispered, “It’s right here.” I bowed my head and blinked in disbelif. My heart fluttered and I jumped to my feet. I held the glistening stone under the sunlight and giggled with glee. I slipped the ring on my fingers and smiled from ear to ear. I sighed with relif and looked up at the popcorn ceiling. “Thank you.” I whispered.

Seems to be an equal balance of showing and telling here! Great job, if that was your intention! If not, maybe try avoiding “telling” words such as pain, sadness, disbelief, etc.

When he said he’d do it, not a bone in my body believed him. We were only discussing taking out the trash, but he’d already shown me what to expect

He’d said he would walk the dog when he got home, yet I found him on the couch, hand in his pants, scratching his balls and watching Netflix, as usual. He’d said he would schedule our next monthly session with the therapist, but that was 3 months ago and we still don’t have an appointment. He said he wanted to be more intentional about romance in our marriage, but has yet to plan a date, buy a gift, give a compliment, help around the house, or do anything outside of work other than scratching his balls and watching Netflix.

The more I manage our home, our schedule, our kids, the further away he seems. It isn’t enough that I plan dates for us. It isn’t enough that I’m reading 3 books on how to have a good marriage and love my spouse well. It isn’t enough that I pray night and day for intimacy to return to our relationship. It isn’t enough because I am not supposed to be alone in this.

It takes every ounce of strength I can muster to not break into a million pieces when he forgets something I’ve asked him to do, something he agreed to help with, again. It’s not just the request he’s forgetting. It’s my heart.

Although he emotionally exists in a space far away from me these days, on occasion I see frustrated confusion in his eyes as he reads mine. He was once a deeply sensitive and caring man, in tune to my heart, my needs, my longings in ways that even I was not. In those brief moments when I catch him searching my expression, a spark of hope dares to dance in my heart. Maybe, just maybe, he’ll remember me. Maybe, just maybe, he’ll remember who he is.

But just as the ember attempts to become aglow in my heart, his eyes flick away and he disappears again, back to his balls and Netflix.

“Dax. We found Bryan.” The man entered the foyer, addressing the young man that sat at the piano, staring down at the black and white keys. “Is he okay?” Dax shot up, hope twinkling in his blue eyes, contrasting against the dark bags beneath. The man stood unresponsive, biting his lip. The silence spoke volumes though, and a look of panicked disbelief crossed over the young man’s face. “No…No…No….” He gasped, looking around the room with a frenzied denial. “W-what happened?” He asked with fright, scared to imagine such news. Such news that would change is world completely. He struggled to maintain his breathing, as the weight of fear and doubt crushed down upon his lungs. “His body was found earlier this morning-” The man was interrupted as Dax desperately hugged him, his breathing just short of hyperventilation. “Dad…” Dax gasped mutedly, tears starting to dance in his eyes. He was so afraid over the past month, yet he managed to cling to hope. And now that hope was gone. His hope, found dead. “I’m sorry…” The father began to cry, offering his comforting embrace to his son. “Who did this to him? Who took my brother away from me?” Dax pulled out from the hug, his breathing now somehow seeming more aggressive. “Dominion Shaffer. He is a rapist and a child abductor wanted for multiple accounts.” The lord struggled as he gathered his composure, straightening out the wrinkles in his expensive clothing. “Bryan was thirteen…” He stopped for a moment. “Has the been criminal been caught?” Dax’s breathing came out as if he was cooling down from some form of physical activity. He looked around the room, shifting his eyes every few seconds. He saw everything in the room, including the piano his brother once played, but none of the images settled in his brain. It was too busy being crowded by the memories of his old best friend. “No. He is still at large.” The man shook his head, sadly angling his eyes to the ground. “Not for long…” Dax said gently, getting up and walking out of the room, his sword attached to his hip and tears in his eyes, the cold weight of sadness and loss heavy upon his chest.

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Writing Stories About Hopes and Dreams

A lot of people, writers included, use the words “hope” and “dream” pretty much interchangeably. Fact is, each describes a completely different way of imagining the future. Being clear not only of their definitions but of the different states of mind each invokes will not only help you better communicate with your readers or audience, but may also open a deeper level of sophistication in the message you are trying to convey.

Hope is a desired future to which at least one definitive pathway exists. It doesn’t have to be a sure thing or even a likely outcome that the hope will be achieved – just that there is at least one causal path that, if completed, will arrive at the desired future.

For example, if one hopes to graduate, it is a matter of following a laid out series of steps that, when completed, will result in a diploma.

In contrast, Dream is a desired future for which no definitive pathway exists.  Dreams may be likely to be realized or may be nearly impossible, but there must be at least some possibility of being achieved or it is not a Dream but a Fantasy.

For example, if one dreams of becoming a movie star and sits around a popular restaurant for studio executives every day, there literally is no Hope, but the dream can remain alive forever.

It is important to note that the pathway to achieving a hope is not necessarily only linear.  While getting a degree may require taking some course in given order (101 before 201, for example), other course are electives and the only requirement to achieve the hope is that a certain number are fulfilled, regardless of the order.

Similarly, one can try to realize a dream by taking steps, such as singling out a studio exec and stalking them, or by creating a favorable environment, such as showing up not only at a restaurant, but also at a gym and a charity fundraiser, believing that by being more visible, the odds are increased for being “noticed.”

To be a true hope, there must be a certain cause and effect relationship between the steps or conditions in which one engages and the achievement of the hope state.  But a dream, by definition, is built on indirect relationships and influence, rather than certain connections.

Keep in mind that there are two kinds of causal relationships –  if/then and  when/also .  If/then is standard temporal causality, as in  One bad apple spoils the bunch.  When/also is the spatial version of causality, as in  Where there’s smoke, there’s fire .  In each case, there is a direct connection between condition one, and condition two:  If condition one is met, condition two is certain.

It is this absolute association that is not present in dreams.  But from an emotional standpoint, there is no difference between hoping and dreaming.  Each is a future state that is highly desired, but in hoping, one expects that future if all the conditions are met, while in dreaming, meeting the conditions provides no guarantee.

In Dramatica theory, Hope vs. Dream is a thematic conflict.  It describes stories in which the message revolves around proving that in the given situation of that particular story, it is either better to hope or to dream.

Is one deluded by an intense dream into thinking there is real hope?  Or, is one missing out on life experience and the rare but real advent of a lucky chance by confining oneself to only those things for which hope exists?

We’ve all seen these kinds of stories in books, movies, television and stage plays.  As an author, it can improve both your work and your life to explore the difference between the two.

Here are the specific definitions of Hope and Dream from the Dramatica Dictionary:

Variation  –  dynamic pair:  Dream ↔ Hope

a desired future if things go as expected

Hope is based on a projection of the way things are going. When one looks at the present situation and notes the direction of change, Hope lies somewhere along that line. As an example, if one is preparing for a picnic and the weather has been sunny, one Hopes for a sunny day. If it was raining for days, one could not Hope but only Dream. Still, Hope acknowledges that things can change in unexpected ways. That means that Hoping for something is not the same as expecting something. Hope is just the expectation that something will occur unless something interferes. How accurately a character evaluates the potential for change determines whether he is Hoping or dreaming. When a character is dreaming and thinks he is Hoping, he prepares for things where there is no indication they will come true.

syn.  desired expectation, optimistic anticipation, confident aspiration, promise, encouraging outlook.

Variation  –  dynamic pair:  Hope ↔ Dream

a desired future that requires unexpected developments

Dream describes a character who speculates on a future that has not been ruled out, however unlikely. Dreaming is full of “what ifs.” Cinderella dreamed of her prince because it wasn’t quite unimaginable. One Dreams of winning the lottery even though one “hasn’t got a hope.” Hope requires the expectation that something will happen if nothing goes wrong. Dreaming has no such limitation. Nothing has to indicate that a Dream will come true, only that it’s not impossible. Dreaming can offer a positive future in the midst of disaster. It can also motivate one to try for things others scoff at. Many revolutionary inventors have been labeled as Dreamers. Still and all, to Dream takes away time from doing, and unless one strikes a balance and does the groundwork, one can Dream while hopes go out the window for lack of effort.

syn.  aspire, desiring the unlikely, pulling for the doubtful, airy hope, glimmer, far fetched desire

Learn more about Theme in my book:

A Few Words About Theme

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Using The 5 Senses In Writing: Examples To Inspire You

Using the 5 senses in writing can deeply immerse readers in scenes and stories by creating more vivid imagery in their minds. It’s a skill that can elevate books to a higher level. In simple terms, it is writing that employs the five sense to create mental images for the reader.

But so often we writers find ourselves lured into the trap of relying on sight and sound. Relying on a narrow range of sensory language isn’t always enough to bring a story to life. We can inject so much more into our stories simply by utilizing sensory details in our writing.

In this guide, we’ll take a look at our sensory organs, why we use vivid writing, look at a bunch of illustrative 5 senses examples, and ways we can use each sense to elevate our stories to the next level. 

Many people experience things through smell, touch, and taste. It’s our job as authors to use the five senses in writing to enrich our tales and  prose  with vivid imagery, which is often used to help the reader feel immersed and engaged. 

In fact, the oft-forgotten 5 senses are some of the most powerful forms of description, things that can enrich a story and give it life. Here’s how you can master it.

What Are The Five Sensory Organs?

Why do we use the 5 senses in writing, 5 senses examples in writing, examples of a descriptive paragraph using the five senses, a checklist for using the five senses, exercises to help you use the 5 senses in writing, adjectives for the five senses, tips on using the 5 senses to describe something, advice on describing people using the 5 senses, more 5 senses examples and guides, frequently asked questions (faq) on using the 5 senses in writing.

Before we dive into looking at the 5 senses in a writing context, let’s look at what the five sensory organs are:

• Special receptors in the skin that enable us to touch and feel

Combined, our five senses enable us to learn, experience and create memories. Pepsi Max, for example, always reminds me of my history lessons in college—I’d drink a can during every lesson. Think of songs too. They have an incredible ability to transport us back to moments in our past. Let’s explore things in more detail.

Now, something you may be wondering about is whether or not there are more than the 5 classic senses. It is, in fact, believed that there is more than touch, taste, sound, sight, smell. These golden 5 were defined by Aristotle because he could relate them to sensory organs. They are sometimes known as the “five senses folk model”.

But it depends on the manner in which you define a sense.

Newer approaches look at the number of sensory organs we have. And many academics now counter the sixth sense as the  vestibular  system. This relates to the inner ear and the impact it has on our balance and vision.

But other academics have gone further than this. Some tweak the definition to include sensory receptors. Now the skin, for instance, has at least four sensory receptors, relating to pain, temperature, touch and body awareness (otherwise known as proprioception).

So when someone asks how many senses do we have, it’s all a matter of definition. You can check out this awesome video below by SciShow which explains things in more detail.

Perhaps the main one of the five senses, sight often receives information first and therefore forms our initial judgements.

When it comes to using sight in writing, our stories and characters are often guided by this prime form of description. We describe what our characters see.

However, it would be nigh impossible to describe every aspect of a scene, and even if you did achieve it, nigh impossible to read.

Some of the most acclaimed writers, Charles Dickens, in particular, approached it by picking the right details. The little things that tell us everything. Let’s look at an example of the sense of sight in writing from Great Expectations :

“There was a bookcase in the room; I saw, from the backs of the books, that they were about evidence, criminal law, criminal biography, trials, acts of parliament, and such things. The furniture was all very solid and good, like his watch-chain. It had an official look, however, and there was nothing merely ornamental to be seen. In a corner, was a little table of papers with a shaded lamp: so he seemed to bring the office home with him in that respect too, and to wheel it out of an evening and fall to work.”

This is Jagger’s office. Though he doesn’t feature, we’ve gleaned much about who he is from details like the types of books upon the shelves and the paper-filled table, suggesting he lives a busy, professional life.

Colour is another fantastic tool when it comes to sight. Dickens was known for using colours to portray emotions or themes, such as red for frustration or anger, black for death, white for purity or goodness. Using colour, particularly with themes and the premise , can add extra layers to a story.

We explore some more 5 senses examples below to give you some ideas when it comes to sight.

Writing Prompt

Stand in the middle of your bedroom. Look all around you. Make notes of every little detail you see. Colours, shapes. Crumbs or dust on the floor. The more attentive you can be the better.

Pick out things that could relate to characterisation. The books on a shelf perhaps—what kind of books are they? Are there empty glasses beside your bed, dishes too? All of this helps to build interesting imagery, as well as contribute to other elements of the story, in this instance, characterization .

Sound is incredibly important when it comes to using the 5 senses in our writing. Dialogue dominates many stories, but so often little attention is paid to how characters sound when they talk. It’s strange when you think about how unique people sound, and a person’s voice makes such a difference to how we form views of them.

Something I learned not so long ago is that ducks don’t quack. They tend to grunt or even cackle. It’s easy to assume how things sound, but sometimes what we assume is wrong.

It’s always worth taking the time to research. In doing so you may find new and original ways to describe the sound. Using metaphors and similes, particularly if the sound is unusual, is a great way to bring clarity to descriptions.

Another often overlooked thing is silence. Silence is an excellent tool to set the tone or build an atmosphere or tension . A noiseless forest. A still, foggy street. Eerie.

Either using yourself or ideally, your character, place yourself in a location in which things are happening around you—a park, for instance. Close your eyes and listen.

Make a note of every little sound you hear, from tweeting birds to jackhammers digging up roads. If you can, make a note of how different sounds make you feel. Do fireworks startle you, for instance? Then think about why they could startle you or your character.

Of all the five senses, touch is, in my view, one of the most powerful yet underrated ones. If you can convey touch in an effective way, you’ll reap the rewards.

The scope of this sense depends on the nature of the scene, but imagine, for example, walking barefoot through a forest. The softness of moss between your toes, the cool slime of mud, the pokes and scratches of sticks and stones. Such details can draw readers deeper into the story.

We’ll look at some sensory writing exercises below, but as a brief writing prompt now, close your eyes and pick something up. Describe how that object feels. What features does it have? The texture? Sturdiness? Width? Weight?

These little details can make all the difference when it comes to incorporating the 5 senses in your writing.

Taste is the more neglected one out of the five sensory organs when it comes to writing. Just like all of the senses, using taste can enrich your story immensely.

How many times have you said the phrase, “It tastes like …”. So many of our memories are tied to tastes. Like I said before, Pepsi Max always reminds me of history classes in college. Which tastes trigger memories for you?

If this happens to us, it happens to your characters too. It’s a great thing to include within your characterization process.

Like smell, taste can serve as a trigger for memories. For example, a husband who shared a love for apple turnovers baked by his deceased wife is reminded of her whenever he eats one.

Taste can also trigger emotions. There’ve been times when I’ve eaten food that tasted so good I bounced with glee in my chair.

A fun one. Head down to your kitchen and finding something to eat that has a bit of texture. Close your eyes, take a bite. Focus closely as you chew, as the food rolls around your mouth, over your tongue and down your throat. How does it taste? How does it make you feel?

We, at last, arrive at smell, though its place is no reflection on its importance when it comes to using the 5 senses in our writing.

The power of smells cannot be underestimated. We smell things all of the time and those scents help to shape our impressions. What can you whiff right now?

A smell helps us to form a judgement on things, such as whether something’s okay to eat. And crucially, smells can trigger vivid memories and emotions, vital tools to any writer.

Here’s one of my favorite 5 senses examples for using smell in writing from James Joyce’s Ulysses :

“ Mr Leopold Bloom ate with relish the inner organs of beasts and fowls. He liked thick giblet soup, nutty gizzards, a stuffed roast heart, liverslices fried with crustcrumbs, fried hencods’ roes. Most of all he liked grilled mutton kidneys which gave to his palate a fine tang of faintly scented urine.”  

How do you describe the smell of rain in creative writing?

Similar to the task above which involves a trip out to a busy place, like a park, sit down and have a good sniff. Another good place to try is a coffee shop. Lots of smells of roasting coffee and baking cakes in there.

Importantly, think about where those smells lead you in your mind. Do they trigger memories? Do associated words pop into your mind? From your character’s perspective, this is what their experience would be like too.

So, as we’ve seen above, this style of descriptive writing employs the five sense to create mental images for the reader.

Using the 5 senses in writing is crucial for creating vivid, engaging narratives. When we incorporate sight, sound, touch, taste, and smell, we activate the reader’s sensory experiences which can help make the story more immersive and memorable.

Neuroscience supports this approach. Studies show that sensory details engage the brain’s sensory cortex, enhancing emotional and cognitive processing ( Fischer & Zwaan, 2008 ). This means readers are not just passively reading but actively experiencing the text, which boosts retention and emotional connection.

On top of this, sensory-rich descriptions can trigger mirror neurons, which help readers empathize with characters’ experiences ( Iacoboni, 2009 ). This empathy can deepen their engagement and investment in the story, making it more impactful.

Renowned authors like Ernest Hemingway and Gabriel García Márquez skillfully use sensory details to create vivid imagery and evoke strong emotions. Their works demonstrate how sensory descriptions can transform simple narratives into powerful, lasting experiences. Below, we look at some examples of the five senses in writing to help illustrate how powerful this approach can be.

So, incorporating the five senses in writing is not just a stylistic choice but a scientifically-backed method to enhance reader engagement, emotional response, and memory.

Let’s move on to look at some 5 senses examples. As we’ve seen above, vivid imagery is often used to help the reader feel immersed in the story. So in this section, I’ve provided some descriptive writing examples from some bestselling books that make great use of the 5 senses.

“The tearing of flesh, as though a butcher were yanking meat from a flank. The bubbling of liquids and the soft rasping of the cutting tools.” Tooth & Nail , Ian Rankin

“Stars spun across his vision and his head felt as if it were about to burst… With difficulty, Hanno undid the chinstrap and eased off his helmet. Cool air ruffled his sweat-soaked hair.” Hannibal: Fields of Blood Ben Kane

“A cold wind was blowing out of the north, and it made the trees rustle like living things. All day, Will had felt as though something were watching him, something cold and implacable that loved him not.” A Game of Thrones, George RR Martin

“It was dark and dim all day. From the sunless dawn until evening the heavy shadow had deepened, and all hearts in the City were oppressed. Far above a great cloud streamed slowly westward from the Black Land, devouring light, borne upon a wind of war; but below the air was still and breathless, as if all the Value of Anduin waited for the onset of a ruinous storm.” The Return Of The King , JRR Tolkien.

This last one for me is a great example of a descriptive paragraph using the five senses. From the off, you not only get a vivid image of the setting (dark, dim, sunless dawn), but you can feel what it’s like to be there on an emotional level (hearts in the City were oppressed). Our senses are further teased with the description of a “still and breathless” air. 

If you’d like to find more sensory description examples, I recommend doing this simple exercise:

Pick up any book that you see, one ideally that you don’t mind marking with a pen or highlighter. Next, scan the pages, looking for descriptive scenes. Whenever you see a sentence that refers to any of the five senses, highlight it in some way.

The benefit of doing this is that you get examples from a variety of different writers, each with their own clever way of making their exposition more immersive.

Something you may notice is that many of them employ metaphors and similes to help you build a visual image in your mind. This is a very effective way of using the 5 senses in writing. You could say things like:

• The water smashed into the ground like the tide hitting a rocky coast
• A squeal filled the air like a pig fearing slaughter
• It smelled like an overflowing latrine pit sat in the baking sun

If you’re looking for more 5 senses examples for your writing, one of the best things you can do is to read books that pay particular attention to this. One of the standout books that explore this is Blindness by José Saramago.

There’s no shortage of sensory language examples out there for you to study. From books to writing guides like this, there are plenty of helpful resources you can learn from. 

I wanted to provide you with a few examples of a descriptive paragraph that uses the five senses. Examine how they elevate the scene by drawing you deeper. Each little detail paints a more vivid picture, such that you can almost feel yourself there, experiencing it yourself. This is a real skill when it comes to creative writing, but it’s definitely one you can learn and master. 

Let’s look at our first 5 senses paragraph example:

The mud of the road sucked at her tattered leather boots, a quagmire after incessant rains. Autumn circled like a hawk. The wind grabbed at her woollen green cloak and homespun dress. The hand-me-downs from her cousins never fitted, always too wide at the waist and short of length. She pulled her cloak tight about her, bundling it around her hands to keep away the biting chill.

The ringing gave way to those crashes and bangs, each one coming with the beat of his heart. His eyes flickered open. Slate-grey clouds hung above. Dust hovered in the air, rocks and debris showered down upon him. He raised his throbbing head and looked around. Men and women, hands over their ears, cowered down behind the crenellations of the wall, fear etched upon their faces, consuming their eyes, paralyzing their bodies. A few defiant individuals continued to loose arrows. For many, it was the last they shot. The Karraban thunder smashed the parapets to bits, obliterated siege engines, battered the cliff behind them and knocked from it great chunks of rock that tumbled down to crush those below. The ringing in Jem’s ears eased enough for him to hear the screams. They became the backdrop to the rumbling of the Karraban thunder. Only one thought entered Jem’s mind: flee.

The bells rang loud and panicked across Yurrisa. Hidden in the shadows of the abandoned warehouse, Edvar and the others lay in wait. He peered through a crack in a boarded window at the cobbled street. Echoing along it came a shout. Another. Steps rushed toward him, and into view burst a group of soldiers, breaths billowing mist in the cold morning air.

Laughter rippled from the table behind Edvar. The three men were tanners, the least difficult of all working men to identify: stained clothes and hands and stinking of a peculiar cocktail of rotten flesh and mint. They rubbed themselves with the latter to mask the stench of the former. Nobody could bear their presence long enough to tell them it didn’t work.

As you can see, these examples use each of the five senses to great effect. If you’re curious where these came from, I pinched them from Pariah’s Lament .

Something I’ve done to improve my use of the 5 senses in my writing is to include them within the planning process. It’s good to save it until the end when you’ve plotted out your story or chapter, however.

What I do is read over the plan and try and place myself in the scenes. Working my way through each sense, I list everything that pops into my head.

• It’ll be unlikely that you need to spend too much time on sight , but taking the time to consider things in detail can provoke new and unique ideas. What little details can be included? Remember the power of specificity.
• Next, onto sounds . Like sights, it’s unlikely you’ll need to spend too much time on this but it’s always helpful to consider the likes of characters’ voices and any usual sounds that could be featured.
• Smells . When it comes to smells a good starting point is to list everything that comes to mind, even mere whiffs, which can be the most telling of all. Smells can provoke memories and emotions too, like the smell of perfume could remind a character of their dead lover, and that leaves you open to describe emotions.
• What can your character touch or feel? How does the hilt of the sword feel in your character’s fingers? How does the touch of a vivacious woman feel to your lonely character? What information can be gleaned from the manner of a handshake?
• Lastly, what tastes , if any, can you include? Is your character eating? Can they taste blood after being punched in the cheek? Do they enter a room where the smell is so foetid they can taste it?

Here are a few useful exercises to get into the swing of using the senses. The more you practice, the more it’ll become ingrained in the way you write.

• One place, one sense . As the title suggests, think of a place and describe everything you can using just one sense. Challenge yourself. Pick a sense you feel you struggle with. Or do one sense, then a different one.
• Walk and write . Take a notepad and write five headings: sight, sound, touch, taste, smell. The next time you go out, even if it’s just to the shop on the corner, write down everything you experience. The touch of the rain or breeze, how the pavement feels underfoot, snippets of passing conversation you hear, the whistle of birds, how that warm and crispy sausage roll tastes. *Warning* You may look odd stopping all the time.
• Close your eyes and pick something up.  This one was mentioned above, but it’s a powerful tool. Jot down everything you can think of.
• Pick your favourite food and eat!  This one’s a bit more fun. Take chocolate for example. Savour each bite and write down everything, from taste to texture, the sounds of it breaking in your mouth, and importantly, how it makes you feel.
• Pick something alien and try to use sensory descriptions. This is a great way to challenge your use of the 5 senses because you have to create everything from scratch and to a whole new level of detail. So if you’re a sci-fi writer, this could be a great way to learn how to describe a spaceship in writing. 

Write A Short Story With The 5 Senses

One of the most effective ways that you can sharpen your sensory description writing is to write a short story with the 5 senses. 

The way it works is simple. Plan out your story—characters, plotting, theme—and then when it comes to the writing, you’re only permitted to use the five senses. 

It can help to think of a story in which you’d likely use the sensory organs more than usual. Let’s look at a few writing prompts:

• Your protagonist awakens in a dark cave. It’s cold and damp. They must figure out what’s happened and find their way out.
• Your protagonist is fleeing through a forest. What are they running from? What awaits them up ahead?
• Your character is upon a ship and is knocked overboard. How do they survive in the turbulent waves?

These are just a few prompts that are specifically designed to help you use the five senses in your writing. Trust me, an exercise like this will have your skillset sharpened in no time.

5 Senses Writing Prompts

Here are some 5 senses writing prompts that may help you get started:

• You’re at home, watching TV. You catch the scent of something. Something that makes you mute the TV, look around, stand up. What is it you smell?
• For three days you’ve been travelling alone through the woods. You’re two days from your destination. Tired, weary. And you’re pretty sure something is following you. The sun has long since set. The embers are dying in your fire. And you begin to hear sounds close by…
• You’ve just started a new job. The office is big, labyrinthine. On your way back from lunch on your first day, you get lost. You open a door with stairs leading down. You follow them. Get further lost. And the steps give way. You awake in darkness to the sound of something growling. You reach for your phone, turn on the torch…

There are a few examples of sensory language-based writing prompts for you. See where they take you.

You can never have enough adjectives to help you describe the five senses. Below, you can find a pretty simple list, but it serves as a great starting point. From there you can add some of your own 5 senses examples. You can also head here to discover more adjectives to to help you describe people and places.

Sometimes we wish to enrich our descriptions of static objects. These items may not have much about them. Think of a black box, for example. On the face, it looks plain and boring. However, in exploring the box with our 5 senses, we can zoom in on the cracks and chips along the edges, at the roughness of the surface, at the smell of what’s inside the box.

Here are some tips to help you describe something using the 5 senses:

• Show, Don’t Tell – Instead of stating that a character is nervous, describe their sensory experiences. For instance, “Her palms felt clammy, and the bitter taste of anxiety coated her tongue as the cold draft whispered through the room.” This allows readers to feel the character’s emotions.
• Use Metaphors And Similies – Employ relatable similes and metaphors to create a strong visual image. Instead of saying “the garden was nice,” try “the garden burst with vibrant purples and reds, each flower a delicate brushstroke of nature’s artistry, filling the air with a sweet, earthy fragrance.”
• Engage All Senses – Ensure that your description covers more than just sight. For example, in a market scene, describe the “crisp, tangy scent of fresh apples,” the “hustle and bustle” of vendors calling out, the “rough, textured skin” of a mango, the “sweet, juicy taste” of a ripe peach, and the “kaleidoscope of colors” from different stalls.
• Be Specific – Specific details can make a description more authentic and engaging. Rather than saying “the room smelled bad,” describe the “stale scent of old socks and sour milk lingered in the air.”
• Incorporate Sensory Memories – Tap into common sensory experiences that readers can relate to. For example, “The crackling fireplace brought memories of cozy winter nights, with the smoky scent of burning logs and the warmth of the flames on their faces.”

By applying these tips, you can create rich, multi-sensory descriptions that immerse readers in your narrative, making scenes and emotions more relatable, especially when it comes to describing static objects.

Sometimes just describing how someone looks isn’t enough. We have to hone in on their features, like their coarse, unkept beard, or the smell that follows them round. Here are some great pieces of advice for describing people using the five senes:

• Auditory Cues – Describe the person’s voice and other sounds associated with them. For instance, “His deep, gravelly voice resonated like a distant thunderstorm, each word punctuated by a contagious, hearty laugh that filled the room.” This provides an auditory element that can make the character more memorable.
• Tactile Descriptions – Use touch to convey aspects of the person. For example, “His handshake was firm and calloused, a testament to years of hard labor, while the fabric of his worn flannel shirt was soft from countless washes.” This adds a tactile dimension to your description.
• Olfactory Imagery – Incorporate scents associated with the person. For instance, “She carried the faint aroma of lavender and vanilla, a soothing blend that lingered in the air long after she left the room.” This can evoke strong sensory associations and enhance the reader’s connection to the character.
• Gustatory Elements – While taste is less commonly used, it can be effective in specific contexts, especially in romance scenes . For example, “The kiss tasted of peppermint and coffee, a surprising combination that left a lingering warmth.” This can add a unique and intimate layer to your description.

By integrating these sensory elements, you can create a well-rounded and vivid portrayal of a person, making them more real and relatable to your readers.

If you’d like to learn more about sensory language and using these details in your writing , I recommend checking out my in-depth guide here. You can find a bunch more examples to help you further.

Thank you so much for checking out this guide on using the 5 senses in writing. I genuinely hope it’s been of use to you. Below, I’ve included some more guides on writing as well as places you can find extra 5 senses examples that you may find useful.

I may not have a sensory details generator on my site, but you can check out this  random fantasy name generator tool  to help with character creation

Learn more from my  fantasy writing podcast

And to help you make your notes about the 5 senses, check out my guide to  notebooks for writers

Check out my free  book description generator  here

If you’d like to learn more about  words that begin with the letter E  that you can use to describe someone, check out this guide. You can find words to help you describe someone in a positive or negative way, complete with definitions.

Below, you can find answers to some commonly asked questions when it comes to sensory descriptions, as well as more 5 senses examples.

“The icy wind rattled the ancient shutters upon the windows, stirring a shudder and setting every hair on her body on edge.”

This sentence uses sensory language to describe not just how the setting looks (from the rattling ancient shutters we see it’s an old possibly abandoned house), and crucially, we get a sense of how it feels to be in that setting, which is the main objective. It feels eerie, we feel the cold. We’re spooked. 

What Are The 5 Senses In Writing?

Sensory description in fiction writing requires a writer to utilise the 5 senses – sight, sound, touch, taste and smell.

Incorporating the senses into your writing is simple. First, focus on what your characters can see in the scene. Then, one by one, think about what they can hear, smell, feel and taste. Assort your various descriptions and pick out your most powerful few.

The five senses are often used to draw a reader deeper into the scene, to feel closer to the characters. Writers do this by adding extra details focusing on the likes of touch and smell. This vivid writing that appeals to the senses can help immerse readers in our tales.

The best way is to pick up your favourite book and highlight any sentences or paragraphs that utilise the 5 senses. You’ll then have a bank of sensory details examples to call upon whenever you need them.

A sensory description is one that includes sight, sound, touch, smell and taste. Exploring sensory language examples gives you a greater ability to immerse your readers in the story and experience what the characters feel.

If you have any questions or need more examples of the 5 senses in writing, please contact me.

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About author, related posts, loaded language: a complete definition with examples, how to write a premise for your story, brilliant adjectives to describe a person, 31 comments.

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When writing about the senses, authors should be careful to avoid FILTER words (saw, heard, felt, smelled, tasted) that detract from the scene. Don’t say, “I saw the sparkling water.” Instead, make it more vivid. Leave out “saw.” We know you saw it because you are describing it to us. Tell us instead more of WHAT you are seeing. “The sparkling water bubbled as a creature from below made its way to the surface.” Same goes with using “heard,” “felt,” “smelled,” and “tasted.” Omit those words and describe those senses so people can experience what the character is experience.

Terrific points! Thanks for taking the time to share!

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Thanks for sharing!

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Thanks for the link!

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This was very helpful in as a source.

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Essays About Hope: Top 5 Examples Plus 5 Prompts

No matter what happens in life, we all have hopes and dreams. If you are writing essays about hope, you can start by reading our top examples and prompts.

Hope is said to be “the remedy for grief and despair.” It allows us to long for better days whenever we are feeling down. When we are hopeful, it is as if we are trying to wish or manifest for something to happen; we sincerely anticipate whatever we are hoping for.

Hope is an important feeling since it keeps us optimistic, but like all things, it is not good in excess. We often get lost in our hope and let it delude us into thinking the most unrealistic things. It is good to hope, but you should not allow it to get the best of you.

5 Top Essay Examples

1. a reflection of hope by shannon cohen, 2. my hopes & dreams by celia robinson, 3. hope: the forgotten virtue of our time. by paul j. wadell, 4. an ideal of hope by jonathan belle.

• 5. ​​Hope and Reality by Greg Arnold

1. What Is Hope?

2. what do you hope for your future, 3. what makes me hopeful, 4. feeling hopeless in life, 5. how to help others be more hopeful.

“Hope is a fighter. Hope may flicker or falter but doesn’t quit. Hope reminds us that we are Teflon tough, able to withstand the dings, scratches, and burns of life. Hope is the quintessential “hype-man.” Hope will have you raise the roof, jump up and down, and rock side to side believing that you are magic, your dreams are within reach, and your life is greater than your present circumstances. We All Need Hope.”

Intertwined with quotes about hope, Cohen’s essay describes the many roles that hope can play in our lives. With hope, we can learn from our mistakes and improve ourselves. It fuels us to achieve our goals, helps us keep persevering, and inspires us. We are also the products of our ancestors’ hopes and dreams. 

“As I have mentioned earlier, everyone wants to become successful in the future. I do also; I want to go University, yet I haven’t decided what for so far. I want to grow up and make my Parents proud, especially when my Dad’s up there watching over me. I want to be happy. But every step I take, has the potential of changing my entire path, where my life is leading. So I must live life to the full, no matter what. Hope is something everyone needs.”

Robinson reflects on what she is hopeful for, recalling her childhood fantasies of living an idyllic, magical life. She discusses her dreams of going to university and making her parents, specifically her deceased father, proud of her. She hopes to live life to the fullest and for a better world. In particular, she hopes to see the day when cancer is no longer as severe an issue as it is today. Hope is important and is something everyone should have. 

“Hope keeps us from being so immersed in the good things of this world that we forget who we really are, a people on the move, pilgrims who are called not to stay put but to move toward the feast. Most of all, hope prevents us from becoming so comfortable with the pleasures of life that the possibility of a journey never even occurs to us.”

Wadell writes about hope from a Christian point of view; however, his message speaks to everyone. He gives readers a brief history of hope as a virtue in Christianity, saying that hope should be directed towards God and his kingdom. Hope allows us to appreciate all that is good in the world while keeping us longing for more. To nurture our feelings of hope, Wadell says that we must practice gratitude and spread hope to others. 

“Hope is important because hope involves the will to get there, and different paths for you to take. Life can be difficult and that shouldn’t come as a surprise to anyone. Yet, hope allows you to keep going down different roads, to see things different, and to try and make things for your perfect ideal. This hold true, even when there seems like there isn’t a solution.”

In this essay, Bell writes about his interpretation of hope: it is universal and gives us the will to work for whatever we hope for, not just sitting around and waiting for it to happen. For our hopes to be fulfilled, we must also put in the work. Bell also writes that you can strengthen your sense of hope by surrounding yourself with positive people and planning your goals. We are also called to bring hope to others so we can be hopeful for a better future. 

5. ​​ Hope and Reality by Greg Arnold

“Don’t be pessimistic and you have to remember that most of the important things in the world have been accomplished by people who have kept on trying when there seemed to be no hope at all- Dale Carnegie. Finally, it is acceptable to spend some time in hope but don’t live in it, you need to live in reality which is the way in getting things into results.”

Arnold’s essay explains the importance of keeping our hopes grounded in reality, not too optimistic yet not negative as well. We cannot predict the future, but we can at least yearn for the better and strive to work for it to happen. He believes that we should stop being so pessimistic about the world and dream big, for the hopes of many can be accomplished with hard work and determination. 

5 Prompts for Essays About Hope

The definition of hope can differ from person to person, as our experiences shape our sense of hope. In your essay, you can write about what hope means to you. Then, briefly explain why you are hopeful and what you hope for if you wish. You can also check out these essays about jealousy .

We all have our hopes and dreams for our futures. Reflect on hope and share what you hope for in your future and why you hope for it. Perhaps you hope for a long and healthy life or something as simple as hoping for a good grade on your test. The scope can be as small as a few days or ten years, as long as you can share your thoughts clearly and descriptively. 

For your essay, you can write about what makes you hopeful. Describe a person, memory, idea, or whatever else you may choose, and explain why it makes you hopeful. Many things invoke hope, so make sure your essay reflects your personal opinion and includes anecdotes and memories. For example, you may have a relative that you are inspired by, and their success could make you hopeful for your own future.

The world is not perfect, and we all feel despondent and hopeless from time to time. Look back on time you could not bring yourself to hope for better. Discuss what led you to this situation and how you felt. This may be a sensitive topic to write about, so do not go too in-depth if you are not comfortable doing so.

If someone you know is feeling hopeless, chances are you would try to lift their spirits. Address your essay to people who feel hopeless and give tips on improving one’s mental health: they can be as simple as getting more sleep or being outdoors more. For an in-depth piece, cite psychological studies to support your tips.

Grammarly is one of our top grammar checkers. Find out why in this Grammarly review .

For help picking your next essay topic, check out our top essay topics about love .

How to Write Thoughts in a Story [30 Best Ways + Examples]

Writing character thoughts can be tricky, but it’s essential for diving into your character’s inner world and adding depth to your story.

Here is a quick answer to how to write thoughts in a story:

To write character thoughts, use italics for direct thoughts, interior monologue for first-person, deep third-person POV for seamless thought integration, and free indirect discourse for multiple perspectives. Formatting varies by POV—focus on clarity and consistency.

This guide explores 30 of the best ways to write character thoughts.

30 Ways to Write Character Thoughts in a Story

Table of Contents

Thoughts are a powerful tool to reveal inner conflict, emotion, and motivation.

Whether you’re writing in first person, third person, or omniscient, how you show thoughts can make a big difference in how the reader engages with your characters. Here are 30 different ways to write character thoughts, with expanded explanations and multiple examples to help you see how each method works in action.

1. Italics for Direct Thoughts

Italics are one of the most common ways to show a character’s direct thoughts, creating a visual break from the narrative.

This method works well for stories where you want thoughts to feel immediate and personal.

• What am I supposed to do now? she wondered as the rain poured down.
• This is a terrible idea , he thought, stepping onto the plane.
• I’ll never forgive him for this, she promised herself.

2. Quotation Marks for Thoughts

Some writers, especially in older literature, use quotation marks to indicate thoughts. However, this can be confusing because it looks like dialogue, so use this sparingly and with care.

• “What was I thinking?” she thought as she stared at the mess.
• “I can’t believe it,” he thought, watching the fireworks.
• “Is this the end?” she wondered, gripping the railing.

3. First-Person Interior Monologue

In first-person stories, the character’s thoughts are naturally blended into the narrative. No need for italics or special tags—just write their thoughts directly as part of the story.

• I couldn’t figure out why everyone was staring. Did I have something on my face?
• Why did I agree to this? I hated public speaking.
• I wanted to run, but my legs wouldn’t move. Not now. Not when it mattered.

4. Stream of Consciousness

This technique mimics the flow of a character’s raw, unfiltered thoughts, often without complete sentences or punctuation. It can create an intense, intimate atmosphere, especially in moments of confusion or high emotion.

• Run, now, just go, no time to think, can’t stop—
• The door creaked open. What if—no, it couldn’t be—no, stop thinking about that—
• Just breathe, stay calm, don’t freak out, everything’s fine, right?

5. Free Indirect Discourse

Free indirect discourse lets the third-person narrator dip into a character’s thoughts without explicitly marking them as thoughts. It’s a subtle way to blend narration with internal dialogue.

• She walked through the empty hallway. This wasn’t how it was supposed to go. Everyone was gone, and she was all alone.
• He gripped the steering wheel tighter. He couldn’t let them see how nervous he was.
• She watched the sunset, wondering if she would ever feel that kind of peace again.

6. Italicized Monologue in Third Person

For third-person narratives, italicizing thoughts allows readers to see a character’s internal voice without switching to first-person.

• He stared at the closed door. I’ll never get another chance , he thought.
• She watched him leave. Why didn’t I say something? she wondered.
• He held his breath. This is it , he told himself.

7. Thought Tags (He thought, She wondered)

Thought tags are a straightforward way to indicate a character’s internal dialogue. This is a simple method often used when you want clarity.

• She thought about the offer but wasn’t sure if she could trust him.
• He wondered why the train was late, tapping his foot impatiently.
• She thought, This can’t be happening , as the news played on the television.

8. Parentheses for Asides

Parentheses can make a thought feel like a quick aside or secret note to the reader. This style works well for casual, quirky narratives.

• She nodded politely (even though she wanted to scream).
• He smiled (but he wasn’t happy at all).
• They walked through the park (pretending everything was fine).

9. Using Dashes for Interrupted Thoughts

Dashes are perfect for capturing abrupt thoughts, sudden realizations, or interrupted inner dialogue.

• She was about to leave, but—no, she couldn’t. Not yet.
• He reached for the key— Wait , something didn’t feel right.
• She started to apologize, but— What’s the point? he’d never listen.

10. Writing Multiple a’ Thoughts in Third Person Limited

In third-person limited, you can write multiple characters’ thoughts, but only one at a time. It’s important to switch perspectives between scenes or chapters to avoid confusion.

• Scene 1 (Sophia’s POV): Sophia watched him leave. I should have said something.
• Scene 2 (John’s POV): John walked away, feeling the weight of the silence. She didn’t even try to stop me.
• Scene 3 (Sophia’s POV): She replayed the moment in her mind. Why didn’t I speak up?

11. Writing Thoughts in Omniscient Narration

Omniscient narration allows you to dip into the thoughts of any character, but you need to balance this carefully to avoid overwhelming the reader.

• Emily sat on the porch, thinking about her lost dog. Inside, her brother was wondering how to comfort her.
• As the ship sailed away, the captain was plotting his course, while the crew thought only of home.
• In the crowded room, each person was lost in their own thoughts—some hopeful, some despairing.

12. Deep Third-Person POV

In deep third-person POV, the narrative is so closely aligned with the character’s thoughts that it feels like first-person.

There are no thought tags or italics—just a seamless blend of thought and narrative.

• He needed to get out. Now. There was no more time to waste.
• She couldn’t breathe. The room was closing in, and everything was wrong.
• He watched the horizon, knowing that this was the last time he’d ever see it.

13. Present Tense for Immediate Thoughts

In past-tense narratives, you can use present tense for character thoughts to emphasize immediacy and urgency.

• She looked around. Where is he? The room was empty.
• He opened the door. Don’t be there, don’t be there , he thought.
• I can’t believe this , she thought as the truth hit her.

14. Avoiding Filter Words

Eliminating filter words like “he thought” or “she felt” allows for a more direct connection with the character’s thoughts. This method is subtle but powerful.

• She glanced at the letter. There was no way this could be real.
• He stepped into the hallway. Why was it so quiet?
• The smell hit her first. Something was wrong. Very wrong.

15. Descriptive Thoughts in Action

Show a character’s thoughts through their actions. This method allows you to reveal inner thoughts without stating them directly.

• She bit her lip and glanced at the clock. He was late. Again.
• His hands trembled as he reached for the phone. He couldn’t make the call.
• She stared out the window, her foot tapping restlessly against the floor.

16. Thoughts Expressed Through Dialogue with Themselves

Some characters talk out loud to themselves, making their thoughts public in a unique way.

• “What was I thinking?” she muttered under her breath as she paced the room.
• “I really need to stop doing this,” he whispered to himself, shaking his head.
• “Great job, me,” she said sarcastically. “Another disaster.”

17. Philosophical Inner Dialogue

Use thoughts to explore deeper, more philosophical questions and reflections, giving readers insight into the character’s worldview.

• What was the meaning of it all? Life felt like a cycle of endless repetition.
• Why do we keep trying when everything falls apart in the end?
• Was there really a higher purpose, or were they all just drifting through life?

18. Flashback Thoughts

Blend thoughts with flashbacks to reveal key memories or past events that shape the character’s present actions.

• She remembered the last time she’d stood here. Her mother had been with her then. She would know what to do.
• He stared at the empty street, thinking about the night they’d said goodbye. Was it really ten years ago?
• The smell of pine reminded her of Christmas mornings. Dad used to love that time of year.

19. Thoughts Shown Through Body Language

Instead of writing the character’s thoughts directly, show what they’re thinking through body language and their actions.

This approach allows readers to infer a character’s thoughts through physical cues rather than internal dialogue.

• Her fists clenched at her sides, and she ground her teeth. There was no need to say anything—her frustration was clear.
• He crossed his arms, his foot tapping rapidly against the floor. Something was bothering him, but he wasn’t going to admit it out loud.
• She averted her gaze, her shoulders slumping. She didn’t need to speak for him to know she was disappointed.

20. Using Questions for Inner Conflict

Character thoughts that come in the form of questions can effectively show their internal conflict.

Example: Could she really trust him? Was this all just a trick?

Questions in the character’s mind create a sense of uncertainty and tension.

21. Juxtaposing Thoughts with Dialogue

Show the difference between what a character is saying and what they’re really thinking.

Example: “Of course, I’ll help you,” she said with a smile, but inside she was screaming, No, not again!

This method creates contrast between outward behavior and internal thoughts, showing the complexity of a character’s emotions.

22. Humor in Thoughts

Use character thoughts to inject humor, especially in contrast to a serious situation.

Example: The room was dead silent. Great, now I look like an idiot.

This is great for lightening the mood or revealing a character’s sarcastic inner voice.

23. Writing Thoughts in Present Tense in First Person Stories

In first-person stories, writing thoughts in present tense can help make them feel immediate and personal.

Example: I pick up the phone. Should I call her? No, not now. Maybe later.

This gives readers a direct line to the character’s mind, increasing intimacy.

24. Multiple Characters’ Thoughts in a Single Scene

To manage multiple characters’ thoughts in the same scene without head-hopping, use subtle cues to differentiate who is thinking what.

Example: Mark was still deciding. Should I take the risk? Across the table, Sarah’s mind raced, unsure if she should trust him.

Make sure to provide context so readers can easily follow whose thoughts they’re in.

25. Writing Dreams as Thoughts

You can blur the line between thoughts and dreams, especially if a

character’s dream reflects their inner conflicts or desires. Thoughts within a dream sequence can add symbolic depth.

Example: In her dream, the house was on fire. She tried to scream, but no sound came out. This can’t be real, right? But it felt real.

Writing dreams as thoughts allows for a blend of surreal and conscious ideas.

26. Using Repetition for Emphasis in Thoughts

Repeating certain words or phrases in a character’s thoughts can emphasize their emotional state or a recurring conflict.

Example: I can’t fail. I can’t fail. I can’t fail, she repeated to herself, gripping the pen tighter.

Repetition helps convey anxiety, determination, or obsession in a natural way.

27. Sarcasm in Thoughts

A character’s thoughts can often be much more sarcastic or cynical than their spoken words, adding humor or attitude to the inner dialogue.

Example: “Well, that went perfectly,” she thought as she stared at the spilled coffee. Just my luck.

Sarcastic thoughts can give readers insight into a character’s personality and coping mechanisms.

28. Contrasting Public and Private Thoughts

A character can outwardly behave one way while internally thinking something completely different. This contrast reveals layers to the character’s true feelings.

Example: He smiled and waved as they left. Good riddance. He couldn’t wait for them to leave.

This method shows how characters navigate social situations while hiding their true thoughts.

29. Metaphorical Thoughts

Use metaphors in thoughts to express abstract feelings or emotions.

Example: Her thoughts were a tangled web, impossible to untangle as the day spiraled out of control. How did I get here?

Metaphorical thoughts give insight into a character’s emotional or mental state in a more poetic or abstract way.

30. Thoughts Hidden in Description

Instead of writing the character’s thoughts explicitly, you can hide them within descriptions of their surroundings, actions, or observations.

Example: She traced the edge of the cracked picture frame. It was the only thing left that reminded her of home. Would she ever go back?

Check out this good video with more tips for how to write thoughts in a story:

How to Write Thoughts in a First-Person Story

In first-person stories, the entire narrative comes from the character’s perspective, making it feel like the reader is directly inside their head. The character’s thoughts often blend naturally into the flow of the narrative without the need for italics or tags like “I thought.”

This style allows for raw, unfiltered access to the character’s internal world, helping the reader feel emotionally connected.

However, you can still use italics for emphasis or key moments when a thought stands out.

This can create more impact when you need to underline a specific feeling or realization.

Example: I couldn’t believe my luck. Why did this always happen to me?

In first-person narratives, thoughts tend to be immediate and conversational. The reader feels like they’re experiencing everything as the character does, which can heighten tension or emotion in key scenes.

When writing in first-person, avoid overusing filter words like “I thought” or “I felt.” These can create distance between the reader and the character. Instead, integrate the thoughts directly into the narrative to keep things intimate.

Example (without filter words): I felt the cold wind against my face. I need to get inside before it’s too late.

Example (with filter words): I thought about how cold it was outside and decided I needed to get inside.

The first example flows naturally, drawing the reader deeper into the character’s experience, while the second example creates a slight distance.

How to Write Thoughts in a Third-Person Story

Third-person stories offer more flexibility in how you present thoughts.

Depending on the depth of your third-person narration, you can either show the character’s thoughts from a distance or immerse the reader fully in their internal world.

Third-Person Limited

In third-person limited, you’re focused on one character’s thoughts and emotions, but the narrative voice is still separate. You can use italics for direct thoughts or thought tags like “he thought,” or you can weave the character’s thoughts naturally into the prose through free indirect discourse.

Example (using italics for direct thoughts): He stared at the envelope in his hand. What was he supposed to do now? It wasn’t what he had expected.

Example (free indirect discourse): He stared at the envelope in his hand. What was he supposed to do now? This wasn’t what he had expected.

The second example blurs the line between the narrator’s voice and the character’s thoughts, creating a more seamless blend of internal dialogue and narration.

Third-Person Omniscient

In third-person omniscient, the narrator can dip into multiple characters’ thoughts.

However, it’s essential to avoid head-hopping, which occurs when you switch between characters’ perspectives too quickly without clear transitions. Instead, give each character their own moment in the spotlight, either in separate scenes or chapters.

Example (omniscient perspective): Sophia couldn’t stop thinking about the upcoming meeting. Across the room, John felt the same way, his mind racing through all the worst-case scenarios.

In this example, both characters’ thoughts are presented clearly, but the shift between them is deliberate and controlled.

How to Write Multiple Characters’ Thoughts

When writing multiple characters’ thoughts in a third-person narrative, it’s crucial to avoid confusing the reader.

The key to success is sticking to one character’s perspective per scene or chapter and transitioning between characters in a structured way.

One common method is to use third-person limited, where each scene or chapter focuses on a different character’s thoughts.

This keeps their internal dialogue distinct and prevents the reader from feeling overwhelmed by sudden perspective shifts.

(Scene 1 – Sophie’s POV):

Sophie glanced at the clock, hoping he wouldn’t notice how nervous she was. I can’t do this.

(Scene 2 – Evan’s POV): Evan tried to keep his cool, but inside, his mind was racing. What if she says no?

By giving each character their own scenes, the reader can fully immerse in their thoughts without confusion.

You can also use third-person omniscient to explore multiple characters’ thoughts within a scene.

But you’ll need to transition smoothly between them.

Be sure to use clear indicators, like line breaks or strong narrative cues, to signal when you’re shifting from one character’s internal dialogue to another.

Advanced Tactics for Writing Thoughts

For more nuanced storytelling, skilled writers use advanced strategies to weave thoughts into the narrative in ways that add depth and complexity.

1. Unreliable Narrator

An unreliable narrator allows you to manipulate the reader’s perception by showing thoughts that are biased or deceptive. This technique is often used in psychological thrillers and mysteries, where the character’s thoughts mislead both themselves and the reader.

She was sure she’d locked the door. I always lock the door, she thought. But the nagging doubt kept creeping back.

Here, the character believes one thing, but the subtle doubt in their thoughts hints at a deeper truth, keeping the reader on edge.

2. Inner Monologue as Conflict

You can use a character’s thoughts to create internal conflict that contrasts with their external actions.

This tactic works well for showing characters who are struggling to hide their true feelings or desires.

Example: She smiled and accepted the award, but inside, she felt nothing. This isn’t who I am anymore.

The external action of smiling conflicts with the internal thoughts, highlighting the character’s inner turmoil.

3. Layering Thoughts with Action

Integrating thoughts with physical actions allows you to reveal a character’s internal state while keeping the scene active. This is a more subtle approach that doesn’t rely on direct thought tags or italics.

Example: He reached for the drawer, trying to keep his hands steady. No one can ever find out. He slipped the letter inside and slammed it shut.

In this example, the physical action of hiding the letter is paired with the thought, showing the character’s fear without explicitly telling the reader how he feels.

When layering thoughts with action, avoid overloading the reader with too many thoughts in quick succession.

Keep the balance between action and internal dialogue to maintain pacing and flow.

Final Thoughts: How to Write Thoughts in a Story

There is more to creating compelling stories than writing the thoughts of characters.

You also need to know how to write dialogue, master settings, and set the scene for pivotal plot points.

With that in mind, check out the articles that I’ve hand-selected below.

Read This Next

• How to Write a Story Outline [Ultimate Guide +20 Examples]
• How to Write a Short Story (Ultimate Guide + Templates)
• Writing Dialogue [20 Best Examples + Formatting Guide]
• How To Use Action Tags in Dialogue: Ultimate Guide
• How to Describe Afternoon in a Story (200+ Examples & Guide)

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How Fiction Writers Can Show Emotions in Their Characters in Effective Ways

Editor Robin Patchen wraps up our examination of Fatal Flaw: # 6 Show, Don’t Tell. Writers often succumb to this fatal flaw of fiction writing, explaining and telling and summarizing instead of showing action as it’s happening. Robin gives some great tips on how writers can show by action and thoughts rather than by relying on describing bodily sensations. Be sure to pay attention to this one! (If you missed this month’s post on this fatal flaw, start with this one here .)

This month, we’ve been studying that famous axiom for fiction writers: show, don’t tell. Today, I’m going to tackle what I think is the most difficult thing to show in our novels—emotions.

If you’ve been writing for a while, no doubt you’ve heard it’s not acceptable to name emotions. Don’t tell us Mary is sad. Show us she’s sad.

Many writers lean on a clever trick to show emotions—they describe a character’s physical reactions to emotions. So characters are often crying, yelling, and slamming doors. Their stomachs are twisting, their hands are trembling, and their cheeks are burning. We hear exasperated breaths and soft sighs. Don’t even get me started on heartbeats. Some characters’ hearts are so erratic, I fear they’re going into cardiac arrest.

So What’s a Fluttering Heart to Do?

I’m poking fun, because I do it too. It’s an easy way to show emotions. But I have a few problems with this old standby. First, these things are so overused, they’ve become cliché. (I know your stomach is twisting at the very thought.) Second, having a character clenching his fists might show us he’s angry, but it doesn’t show us the impetus for that anger. Is he feeling frustrated, slighted, or jealous?

All those—and a host of other primary emotions—can lead to anger. Finally—and to me, this is the most important—showing me your characters’ physical responses provokes no emotional response from me. Your hero might clench his fists, but I promise, mine will remain perfectly relaxed. So you might have shown an emotion, but you haven’t made your reader feel anything. And that, my friends, is the point of fiction—to elicit an emotional response.

Let’s take a look at some effective and not-so-effective ways to show emotion.

Mary opened her eyes and looked at the clock. Her heart nearly leapt out of her chest. The baby had slept nearly eight hours. But little Jane never slept more than four hours at a time. Something must be wrong.

Not again. Her stomach rolled over when she remembered the last time a child of hers had slept too long.

Mary flipped the covers back and stood on weak knees, forcing herself to her feet despite the fear overwhelming her. She shoved her arms in her bathrobe, slipped into her warm slippers, and rushed for the door. Her hands were shaking so badly she could hardly turn the doorknob. Finally, she got the door open and ran down the hallway toward the nursery.

She threw open the door and lunged at the crib. She peered inside and saw the beautiful pink cheeks of her newborn daughter. She placed her trembling hand on Jane’s back, felt the even breaths, and let out a long sigh. Tears of gratitude filled her eyes as she realized her baby was alive.

Our character is definitely feeling emotions. Do you think I can get the reader to experience a few of them? I’ll give it a try.

Mary opened her eyes and squinted in the sunshine streaming in through the open window. She stretched, feeling more relaxed than she had since . . .

She sat up and looked at the clock. It was after eight. Little Jane had slept through the night. For the first time.

Just like Billy.

Mary flipped the covers back and stood. She snatched her robe from the back of the chair and slipped it on. She wouldn’t think about Billy. The doctor said it wouldn’t happen again. The odds against it were astronomical.

Billy had been nearly six weeks old. Jane was almost two months. It was different this time. It had to be.

She slipped her feet into her fuzzy slippers, ticking off all the ways the situations were different. Billy had been sick. Jane had never even had a sniffle. Billy had been fussy. Jane was nearly the perfect baby, only crying when she was hungry or wet.

She must be both hungry and wet right now, but little Jane was silent.

No, God wouldn’t do that to her again. She couldn’t bury another child. She wouldn’t.

She stepped toward her bedroom door, remembering Billy’s skin, how gray and cold it had been. At first, she’d thought maybe someone was playing a mean trick on her. But then she’d lifted him. Seen his face. Those gray lips and lifeless eyes.

Maybe it would have been different if she hadn’t been alone when she’d found his tiny body. Maybe if John had been there. But John had been gone on a business trip.

Mary turned and looked at the empty bed. Her side was a jumble of blankets. John’s side was untouched. He was on a business trip. Again.

He’d rushed home that day two years earlier, assured her it wasn’t her fault. How could she have known?

How indeed? How did a good mother sleep through her own child’s death? How did she dream of beaches and butterflies while her son passed into eternity?

If Jane was dead, Mary would join her. Somehow. She couldn’t live through this again.

She stepped into the hallway and took a first step. A good mother would run, but she could hardly force herself to walk. She inched her way down the hall.

She glanced at the stairs. What if she went to the kitchen, made some coffee? Never found out the truth?

She pushed the thought away and continued past the staircase, paused at the nursery door, and laid her hand on the cold metal doorknob. The clock ticked loudly in the hallway, like a steady heartbeat.

She stepped into the room and approached the crib. And there, sprawled on her back, lay the most beautiful sight she’d ever seen.

Jane’s eyes opened at the sound of Mary’s approach, and she smiled.

I hope you had at least a twinge of emotional reaction to that. I know I did. Please notice, there’s not a single beating heart or trembling hand in that example. Her stomach doesn’t clench, and her eyes don’t fill with tears. Yet she felt a lot of emotions. Did you?

Slow It Down

Counselors tell us that thoughts lead to emotions, and emotions lead to actions. As a writer, you can easily show your character’s thoughts and actions. Readers are smart enough to deduce the emotions based on what the characters think and do. So often it seems writers are in a hurry.

When you have a very emotional scene, slow it down. Let us hear your character’s every thought. Highlight a few details. Show the actions.

Why don’t we write like this? For one thing, it takes a lot longer. My first example is fewer than two hundred words and took me about five minutes to write. The second is closer to five hundred and took nearly half an hour.

Writers have to dig a lot deeper to write selections like the second one. I had to remember what it was like to be a new mother, put myself in the shoes of a woman who’d already buried one child, and try to feel what she would feel. Not comfortable, let me tell you.

And you see a bit into my soul, don’t you? What kind of mother would even consider going downstairs and making a pot of coffee? Yet as I put myself in that scene, I looked at the stairs, and I thought about it. Showing emotions means baring your soul.

Sure, it’s fine to have some lines showing emotions by way of bodily response. But don’t limit yourself to that technique. I hope this example helps you see ways you can elicit emotion in your reader through thoughts and actions.

But showing emotions can pull your reader in and get them to feel right along with your hero and heroine. And isn’t that the goal?

What stood out to you as you read the After example? What lines gave emotional impact?

Want to master the emotional craft of fiction?

Dive into the online course emotional mastery for fiction writers .

In this course, you’ll be given tools to  show  emotions in your characters. You’ll be given techniques to help  spark  emotional response in your readers. What is going to bring it all together for you is practice. Study and practice. And you’ll have exercises in this course to help you put into practice what you learn.

Emotional mastery requires writers to set up the dynamics of a scene in such a visual, textural way that readers can’t help but feel what they are meant to feel. Understanding that emotional mastery requires  a twofold approach — the emotional landscape of both the character and the reader —is the first step.

Want to learn how to become a masterful wielder of emotion in your fiction? Enroll in my new online video course, Emotional Mastery for Fiction Writers.

You’ll get lifetime access to all the videos and more than three dozen downloadable assignments. And with a 30-day money-back guarantee, you have NOTHING to lose by jumping in. Sign up NOW.

This course will challenge you to become an “emotion master.”  Are you ready and willing to go on this journey deep into emotional territory? If you want your characters to move your readers, take the plunge!

Listen to my discussion on how to show emotion in characters. There is so much to this topic!

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102 Comments

I found this article very helpful. It’s a delicate balancing act to slow down the action enough to heighten the emotion but not so much as to cause the reader to skip through the scene because they want to get on with it. You’ve given some good examples for doing just that. As always, another great piece of advice, C.S.!

If you think the reader might skimp over the scene. You might want to re-write it. Every scene in a story has to build up emotion and anticipation to progress head on from scene to scene.

I absolutely loved this article, and I 100% AGREE with your logic. Thank you for sharing!

One of the best posts I have read on the subject. Thank you for the great example!

Great advice, Robin!

You’ve gotten to the ultimate solution here: the truly effective approach is to describe *why* the person is feeling what he or she is, rather than the exterior symptoms.

Thanks, Curtis. I definitely think that’s a big part of it–at least one element of showing emotions. Of course we couldn’t do this with every single emotion–imagine 500 words to replace every frown. But when the emotions really matter, I think they’re worth examining.

This is one of the best articles I’ve read on this subject. You really bring it to life with your example.

Thanks! I’m glad you think so.

I’ve been often critiqued that my characters must have more emotion by showing their facial expression and bodily response to situations of distress. I can fully understand from your example how much I have dismissed all these factors by summarizing their feelings. Thanks for such a vivid example of how to convey feelings without putting a label on them.

Glad it helped. I think sometimes, we believe that the physiological reactions are the only way to show feelings, but personally, I’d much rather know what’s going on in people’s heads. Ever look at someone and think, “What is he thinking?” What’s on their face doesn’t tell us what we really want to know.

“If Jane was dead, Mary would join her. Somehow. She couldn’t live through this again.”

This line stood out to me. It puts the reader in the state-of-mind the character is in at the moment. Thanks for the article.

Kind of depressing, though, isn’t it? I’m glad it stood out.

This is a great article! You’ve really “shown” the difference very effectively 🙂

Great article! I like the contrast between showing exterior vs interior. The other trick is doing this with Deep POV.

To answer your question…I felt every bit of what the mother was experiencing. You’re an extremely talented writer. Slowing it down is so important, yet since it’s time-consuming I find myself breezing over it, too. During my second drafts I’m often horrified at the heart-fluttering, weak knees, and shaky hands in my first draft. Using subtext instead of body cues is what I’m working on now before I send my ms back to the editor. Stellar post!

My first drafts have a lot of breathing–sighing, blowing out breaths, holding breath. I think my characters might suffocate if I don’t show them breathing. 🙂 The key is to leave that stuff in draft #1.

Thanks, Sue!

nicely shown

This is very helpful. Thank you for posting this.

I do have one question though. Do you ever feel like you can overdo the inner dialogue? For example, Kurt Vonnegut once said that every sentence should either reveal character or advance the plot. How do you decide how much inner dialogue is revealing character and how much is just killing your pacing?

Is it just experience and a good ear?

Genre plays a big part in determining this! I have read suspense thrillers that are hugely internal thought, packed full of worrisome thoughts to ramp up the emotional tension. Getting in close to what a character is thinking while afraid can make the reader feel that fear. For other genres, and personal author writing styles, such as Cormac McCarthy’s, you’ll see almost no internal thoughts at all. Internal dialog can both reveal character and advance the plot, so Vonnegut’s sage words apply here as well. Best is to study other great novels in the genre in which you are writing and note (highlight?) all the lines of internal dialog and their content to see just what that amount is.

That’s great advice. Thank you!

That’s a great question, Paul. Susanne’s advice to study other great works is great.

You certainly wouldn’t want to have this much internal dialog all the way through a book. It needs to serve a purpose. In this case, we want to get the reader emotionally invested in the scene, and the best way to do that is to let us see what the character is thinking. But if the hero is deciding between a bagel or a donut, you wouldn’t want to show us his calculating the calories of each. That would get old fast.

At first, it can feel unnatural, but I think the more you write, the more intuitive it becomes.

This is a great article. I know I’m certainly guilty of getting lazy and writing scenes as I see them instead of delving into the character. I’m about to begin revision, and I can already think of places I need to expand and deepen. Thanks for the insight!

So glad it helped, Victoria. Good luck with your revisions.

This is the best example I’ve seen on this subject! I’m so glad I found it. My stories end up being like the ‘before’ and I never really liked it. It felt like something was off. You’ve really opened my eyes. I tried this on a scene I was working on and now it sounds much better! Now I must look for more tips and keep on writing.

All I can say is thank you. Shalom aleichem, Patricia

In the ‘After’ example, it was her questions that showed her doubts and her fears. That gave me the emotional response.

A good observation, Mawr. Thanks for stopping by.

I like how you demonstrate internal thoughts in third person. Many writers want to switch to first person in italics. To me this loses the continuity of the story. So right, body movements and facial expressions keep the reader on the outside of the character. Your before and after is so helpful! Thank you!

Thanks! Glad you found it helpful.

Wow. This has helped a LOT! I’ve had more compliments on one scene that I did this with, but didn’t really know concrete what I was doing. The difference was I put myself there, slowed down, and actually physically moved the way the character would, felt what she would have felt. It was amazing. Thank you so so much for sharing!!

Glad this helped you! Being aware of this can really improve the emotional impact of your scenes.

So glad it helped, Kelly.

Excellent article. Always eager to collect knowledge like this. Thank you.

This is great, but it bothers me slightly. This “slow” method of writing matches the woman’s trepidation and reluctance to learn the truth. But often emotions are felt, and acted on in an instant, and I’m rather uncomfortably aware of the fact that describing something in detail can turn a couple of seconds into a page or more.

That’s true. Sometimes it’s appropriate to slow down a moment. Sometimes, it’s not. You have to use your best judgment.

This opened my eyes to why writers have to pace a story. Just earlier, I was editing and rewriting parts of my story. It took hours, but it was worth it in the end.

I think the line that stuck out to me was, ‘How did she dream of beaches and butterflies while her son passed into eternity?’

I don’t even know how to describe why I like this line so much. I just do.

Thank you for this wonderful article. Otherwise, I wouldn’t have completely understood why pacing and emotions are so important in writing.

Thank you, Mini, for your response. I’m so glad the article worked for you. I loved that line, too. I need to find a place to use it in a book!

Great article. This is what I need to improve my writing. In your example it might go too long and it gets repetitive with the woman’s fears. If it was a tad shorter might be better. Just a thought. P

You may be right. Thanks for the feedback.

Great article. Is it say that I thought the first version was good? The second version elicited a deeper emotional experience, but I thought it told a lot. I can’t seem to find that line. The first version was active, but it did have the typical overdone descriptions. Then I read other books, and I see all sorts of contradictions from what I learn on writing sites. Sighing, knees wobbling, lips curling, eyes narrowing, jumping back, staring. I thought relying on action was great! I thought I found it….back to the drawing board.

Susanne gives good advice. I don’t have an answer. First pass, my characters do a lot of breathing–sighing, heaving, inhaled frustrated breaths. It’s as if I fear they’ll suffocate if I don’t have them breathe a couple of time son every page. 🙂

My characters’ eyes are lighting up all the time, and I have character beaming. Subject verb direct object. How do I break from this tyranny? lol

Maybe pull the plug?

the best way! im thankful to u

Excellent article — successfully writing emotion is something I struggle the most with, this is a great help.

Excellent post. I want to write with more emotion. Thanks for the great example. gramswisewords.blogspot.com

Glad it helped, Maz!

As a young writer I constantly have the “show don’t tell” philosophy thrown at me and I have read countless posts telling me that “if you’re telling the emotion even just a little bit rather than just completely showing it, you’re doing it wrong” blah blah blah, you get the picture. So to read this post has definitely changed my perspective on the delicate handling of emotion. You have demonstrated, in my opinion, a perfect balance of show and tell, so that I haven’t just been informed of the character’s feelings, their responses to traumatic events, and their life-but rather I’ve been whisked right into the character’s life to watch it all unfold. So many books I’ve read have just informed me that “oh the character is sad” as if the author is just like, hint hint wink wink-this is the part where you, the reader, should be sad too. Preferably crying over my character. Or they just say, this person is so angry they’re gritting their teeth. Like be angry at the villain because my character is angry at the villain.

But I feel nothing, because they’ve shown me how the character is feeling but they haven’t grabbed the reins of my emotions and MADE me feel for the character. If you get what I mean haha Anyways, sorry for the long comment but yeah, I just wanted to say thank you for this article-it was incredibly helpful 🙂

Glad it helps! You might like to read more about that in our 12 Fatal Flaws book. I do a whole PowerPoint workshop on this topic. I think it’s so much more effective to show what a character is thinking to evoke emotion.

I’m so glad you found the article helpful, Hannah! I know what you mean. There’s a big difference between showing an emotion and evoking an emotion. It’s much harder to do the second.

Thank you so much!! I was really struggling with the concept and I tried some other articles but this one helped the most by far. Once again, thank you so much!!

I’m so glad you found it helpful!

“How did she dream of beaches and butterflies while her son passed into eternity?” This line really got to me. I think because I would think something similar. How could I not know? How could I laugh or dream and live while someone I love is dying?

When my mother died I was at work in the stock vault. I had forgotten my phone on my desk and when I got back to it my coworkers were looking at me and saying my phone had “blown up”. They all knew my mother was sick in the hospital dying and when I got back to my desk they all knew what I did not, that she had died while I was in the vault, chatting with my colleagues. So yeah that line got to me and brought back that memory.

Perri, what a difficult memory for you that must be. I’m sorry to have brought it back. On the other hand, if the goal is to elicit an emotional response, I suppose I did manage to do that. Thank you for the note.

No, I will never refrain from telling emotions directly, and I will not read fictions which shows emotions instead of telling. Showing is necessarily ambivalent and results inevitably in incomprehensible drivel.

Interesting take on it, Klaus. Thanks for the note.

This opened my eyes in so many ways. I am deeply grateful to you for the simple solution to a complex issue in writing… Making an old emotion sound fresh as though it is felt for the first time is simply not easy. This was easy to read, and it brought feeling immediately. Thank you

So glad you found it helpful, Charlotte!

I’m sorry but the first part was the right part for me. The second was way to long and I lost interest. I feel this is the problem often. To each their own offcourse, can’t please everyone 🙂

Damn, I was thinking the same! I enjoyed the first part so much better than the emotionless descriptions about how she had to bury Billy. The stomach rollover literally gave me a melancholic feeling which didn’t happen with “God wouldn’t do the same to her”

Thank you for this article. I would like to study some of the great novels for expression of emotion. Any recommendations?

Amazing advice! This is the toughest part of creating a flesh and blood character for me. How would u apply this to first person voice?

You can just change “she” to “I” and it’s the same thing, basically. There really is no difference between first person and third person when doing deep POV.

Yes, I cried. This is the most effective article I’ve ever read on the subject of “Showing” and I recommend it to writers often. Please, never take this post down!

I didn’t mean to make you cry, J.D.! 🙂 I’m glad you found it helpful. God bless!

Still taking this article in. Have printed it off for easy reference and example. Thank you for posting this.

Stephen King does it well, by getting the protagonist to get involved deeper and deeper into an emotional state which reach a tempo unbearable.

My pleasure, Virginia. I’m glad you found it helpful.

Some good points in the way you show emotions. “Her heart nearly leapt out of her chest.” This one looks too cartoony, and nearly is an adverb [use prohibited by good writers I am told.]

The occasional adverb is acceptable, but you’re right, the line is cartoonish. That’s one of my issues with all the physiological reactions to “show” emotions–they’re exaggerated, often to the point of becoming ridiculous.

Wow, this is good writing. Hair literally stood on its ends, as I read the second rendering, even though I knew baby Jane was safe from reading the first version.

Amazing bit of writing. Thanks for the article.

But isn’t this kinda too intense for a reader? I can read the occasional paragraph like this but as a reader, I would be a nervous wreck if I had to read an entire full length novel written in this style.

Sometimes, maybe the tell is much better than show – like those ‘implied’ scenes in movies, rather than an explicit scene.

Would you recommend that a writer sticks to this POV for the entire novel or only use this occasionally? And if the latter, what kind of scenes might call for this?

Hi Badri, of course you wouldn’t have this intense a moment in every single scene in a novel. Novels should have low-energy and high-energy scenes, low- and high-action scenes, low- and high-emotional scenes. As far as POV goes, that applies to the viewpoint: whether you are in first, second, or third person. I’m not sure what you are asking, but if you mean going into deep or intimate POV, that’s a style choice and would be consistent throughout the novel.

Like CS said, not all scenes are this intense. The point is to show emotions through thoughts and actions rather than through physiological responses. So if your character is feeling happy, show the happy thoughts. If she’s feeling angry, show angry thoughts. It wouldn’t be appropriate to get this deep into every emotion, though. That could be cumbersome.

I am a very later bloomer in writing (and reading as well, I’m embarrassed to say). When I would read anything that invoked emotions as a child or young adult, I could not handle it (due to many different things going on in my life). But I am now at a different place and I am finally discovering how much I enjoy reading, well, I really mostly enjoy reading that makes me feel the emotions like your posting did.

In your first take I was thinking, oh get over it already lady…I never really liked babies anyway, we all gotta die sometime…etc… (lol, exaggerating here of course). But in your revised version, I was on tears and on the edge of my seat, thinking, that poor mother…that poor little baby…no no no…nothing can happen to that beautiful little baby…

I was shocked at the difference of my own response.

I have contemplated trying to become a writer and this posting has inspired me so much. This is now my goal – to write something that makes a reader feel this much emotion. Thank you sooooo much for sharing this.

The author of the article did a magnificent job conveying her lesson. I would offer a little insight into child loss, however. A parent never gets over losing a child. It will not happen, as a part of their heart has been torn away, outside of the natural order. Even though you may not know the experience, please do not belittle it, or those going through it. Good luck with your writing, as you walk this path with us.

I understand the concept behind it the “after”, but I have woken up before worried my baby was dead because she slept through the night… and the last thing I would have done is slip on my cozy slippers. I definitely didn’t take 10 minutes to think about if she could be dead before checking on her. So in reality — the before felt a little closer to truth to me, it was just felt a little extreme on the visceral emotions. Maybe it is just me.

Thank you for the article, even though the example didn’t resonate with me, it was an excellent example to get the point across.

I’ve been writing novels for over a decade. Finally,I understand it is the process rather than the physical manifestations of an emotion, alone, that conveys emotion to the reader! Thank you for such an intriguing insight, and thank you to my editor Beth Terrell for steering me to your blog.

Glad you arrived here! Be sure to check out my online course, too, as it goes way deep with 40+ passages examined!

So glad you found the post helpful, Jennie!

What I was able to read of the AFTER piece was wonderful. Unfortunately, the situation hits far too close to home for me, and I couldn’t finish it. You absolutely nailed it, though. The first one did not bring forth the same emotion in me the second one did. Further, the emotion built as you advanced, thus my reaction. Yes, I shed a few tears before I was able to write this reply. Thank you for this article, the insight and the advice. I will take this to heart, as I continue learning the craft.

Thanks for sharing those sentiments. I’m sorry this was/is painful for you.

I’m sorry for raising these painful memories for you. Thanks for the comment. God bless you.

Please, don’t be sorry. It is a part of life for parents who have lost a child. However, the way you wrote the piece was marvelous. That it was so powerful is a testament to the example you built. Well done. It is a wonderful lesson.

To answer the question on what stood out the most, I would say it was the last sentence. It was the baby smiling that gave me the strongest emotional response. Starting to read the text, I didn’t really “plan” to get a tear in my eye, because I find it all too easy to shield myself from the sad stuff, even though I would like to feel more directly. But fortunately, the moment of beauty and joy in the end got to me. It took me by suprise and managed to break through my shield. I will try to incorporate this in my own writing.

Fantastic article and it helps me a lot. At the point when I write, I attempt to recollect what I feared or what was terrifying to me and attempt to place those sentiments into books.

Omg! I loved this, thank you so much for sharing.

The same old story, to show emotions with your characters. SHOW don’t TELL!!!

Excellent post. It is feasible to submit no mix-ups and still lose. That isn’t a shortcoming; such is reality. This article really helps me a lot. Thanks for posting.

This was a very engaging post. It has provided me with new information and now I have a better idea of how I can represent emotion within a fictional character. Also, the example that you provided was written so well! You have given me so much inspiration and I can tell that you are a very hard worker and are dedicated to what you do. Thank you so much.

You’re very welcome!

I’m so glad, Elise, that you found the post helpful! God bless you and your writing.

I think I’m missing something. Can anyone please clarify the differences between the two examples because they both use body language to indicate emotions. If anything, the before seems better because it includes body language *and* internal reaction. The after only uses body language.

The article explains what the differences are and why using thoughts is so much more emotionally effective than showing body language. The After version uses no body language (physical tells). The thoughts are what get readers to understand and empathize with characters.

Neither the Before or After work. As for the Before, who writes like that? Must be a really rank beginner. As for the After, I spent the whole time while reading it thinking, “Not only is this ridiculously long, but no panicked mother is going to take the time to slip into her robe, put on her slippers, and have a coherent thought-stream going through her head about what happened to her other child.” No. She’s going to dash to her baby. Time for these other thoughts–or rather, an abbreviated version of them– can come as she’s cuddling her child. Perhaps better yet, put these kinds of thoughts in an earlier chapter, as background material. Then she can just fly out of bed and run to her child, and some further reflection can come when she’s found the baby safe. This is a time to act, not reflect.

Thanks for your comments. Everyone is different, and depending on the kind of character we create, they will respond differently. I would be exactly like that second example. I did similarly when I woke and hadn’t heard my baby cry at night. I put off going in as long as I could. Of the hundreds of writers I’ve shared these examples with in workshops, 99% agree with the second one as the more moving, effective, and believable example. As I said, everyone is different. But it’s all about your character–her past, who she is, etc. You might try to write this scene and then run it by critique partners and see what their response is to the way you present the character. It might be enlightening!

As a fairly new writer, I have a question that might seem silly, but it’s one that I’ve often debated. I have a tendency to spend way too much time on the scenes as I write them. I’ll go back, and back again, until I feel like it’s perfect … until I don’t. At this point I am 15,000 words in and have probably spent enough time on the chapters that I have done to have completed two novels.

Experienced writers, keep telling me to just write, and finish the first draft. Do you feel it would be appropriate to draft scenes like example #1 and then come back to add emotion like example #2 during the second draft? After reading your article, I have found myself going back to my completed chapters once again, and looking for opportunities to add emotion. I don’t feel like this is productive. Any advice?

I hear you! I constantly rework and edit as I go along, and usually by the time I complete a draft, it’s finished except for proofreading. However, I always push to make progress. If you set a goal to write at least one scene, however rough, every time you sit down, you can give yourself permission to go back and noodle with whatever you’ve written–that scene or a prior one–to polish it more. But the point is to make progress. If the problem is you are “pantsing” and don’t have a strong outline such that you don’t know what your next scenes will be, that can cause a lot of procrastination. Work on a scene outline (with me!) and get it tight. Then it won’t create a barrier to you getting those next scenes written. Usually redoing scenes over and over is due to not feeling confident where the story is going 🙂

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Describing Sadness in Creative Writing: 33 Ways to Capture the Blues

By: Author Paul Jenkins

Posted on August 25, 2023

Categories Creative Writing , Writing

Describing sadness in creative writing can be a challenging task for any writer.

Sadness is an emotion that can be felt in different ways, and it’s important to be able to convey it in a way that is authentic and relatable to readers. Whether you’re writing a novel, short story, or even a poem, the ability to describe sadness can make or break a story.

Understanding sadness in writing is essential to creating a believable character or scene. Sadness is a complex emotion that can be caused by a variety of factors, such as loss, disappointment, or loneliness. It’s important to consider the context in which the sadness is occurring, as this can influence the way it is expressed.

By exploring the emotional spectrum of characters and the physical manifestations of sadness, writers can create a more authentic portrayal of the emotion.

In this article, we will explore the different ways to describe sadness in creative writing. We will discuss the emotional spectrum of characters, the physical manifestations of sadness, and the language and dialogue used to express it. We’ll also look at expert views on emotion and provide unique examples of describing sadness.

By the end of this article, you’ll have a better understanding of how to authentically convey sadness in your writing.

Key Takeaways

• Understanding the emotional spectrum of characters is essential to creating a believable portrayal of sadness.
• Physical manifestations of sadness can be used to convey the emotion in a more authentic way.
• Authenticity in describing sadness can be achieved through language and dialogue, as well as expert views on emotion.

33 Ways to Express Sadness in Creative Writing

Let’s start with some concrete examples of sadness metaphors and similes:

Here are 33 ways to express sadness in creative writing:

• A heavy sigh escaped her lips as a tear rolled down her cheek.
• His eyes glistened with unleashed tears that he quickly blinked away.
• Her heart felt like it was being squeezed by a cold, metal fist.
• A profound emptiness opened up inside him, threatening to swallow him whole.
• An avalanche of sorrow crashed over her without warning.
• His spirit sank like a stone in water.
• A dark cloud of grief descended on her.
• Waves of sadness washed over him, pulling him under.
• She felt like she was drowning in an ocean of melancholy.
• His eyes darkened with sadness like a gathering storm.
• Grief enveloped her like a wet blanket, heavy and smothering.
• The light in his eyes dimmed to a flicker behind tears.
• Sadness seeped through her veins like icy slush.
• The corners of his mouth drooped like a wilting flower.
• Her breath came in short, ragged gasps between sobs.
• A profound melancholy oozed from his pores.
• The weight of despair crushed her like a vice.
• A haunted, hollow look glazed over his eyes.
• An invisible hand squeezed her heart, wringing out all joy.
• His soul curdled like spoiled milk.
• A silent scream lodged in her throat.
• He was consumed by a fathomless gloom.
• Sorrow pulsed through her veins with every beat of her heart.
• Grief blanketed him like new-fallen snow, numbing and icy.
• Tears stung her eyes like shards of glass.
• A cold, dark abyss of sadness swallowed him.
• Melancholy seeped from her like rain from a leaky roof.
• His spirit shriveled and sank like a deflating balloon.
• A sick, hollow ache blossomed inside her.
• Rivulets of anguish trickled down his cheeks.
• Sadness smothered her like a poisonous fog.
• Gloom settled on his shoulders like a black shroud.
• Her sorrow poured out in a river of tears.

Understanding Sadness in Writing

Describing sadness in writing can be a challenging task.

Sadness is a complex emotion that can manifest in different ways. It can be expressed through tears, sighs, silence, or even a simple change in posture. As a writer, you need to be able to convey sadness effectively to your readers, while also avoiding cliches and melodrama.

One way to approach describing sadness is to focus on the physical sensations and reactions that accompany it. For example, you might describe the feeling of a lump in your throat, or the tightness in your chest. You could also describe the way your eyes become watery, or the way your hands tremble.

These physical descriptions can help your readers to empathize with your characters and feel the same emotions.

Another important aspect of describing sadness is the tone of your writing. You want to strike a balance between conveying the depth of the emotion and avoiding excessive sentimentality.

One way to achieve this is to use simple, direct language that conveys the emotion without resorting to flowery language or overwrought metaphors.

When describing sadness, it’s also important to consider the context in which it occurs. Sadness can be a response to many different situations, such as loss, disappointment, or rejection. It can also be accompanied by other emotions, such as anger, confusion, or melancholy.

By considering the context and accompanying emotions, you can create a more nuanced and realistic portrayal of sadness in your writing.

Finally, it can be helpful to draw on examples of how other writers have successfully described sadness. By studying the techniques and descriptions used by other writers, you can gain a better understanding of how to effectively convey sadness in your own writing.

In conclusion, describing sadness in writing requires a careful balance of physical descriptions, tone, context, and examples. By focusing on these elements, you can create a more nuanced and effective portrayal of this complex emotion.

Emotional Spectrum in Characters

In creative writing, it’s important to create characters that are multi-dimensional and have a wide range of emotions. When it comes to describing sadness, it’s essential to understand the emotional spectrum of characters and how they respond to different situations.

Characters can experience a variety of emotions, including love, happiness, surprise, anger, fear, nervousness, and more.

Each character has a unique personality that influences their emotional responses. For example, a protagonist might respond to sadness with a broken heart, dismay, or feeling desolate.

On the other hand, a character might respond with anger, contempt, or apathy.

When describing sadness, it’s important to consider the emotional response of the character. For example, a haunted character might respond to sadness with exhaustion or a sense of being drained. A crestfallen character might respond with a sense of defeat or disappointment.

It’s also important to consider how sadness affects the character’s personality. Some characters might become withdrawn or depressed, while others might become more emotional or volatile. When describing sadness, it’s important to show how it affects the character’s behavior and interactions with others.

Overall, the emotional spectrum of characters is an important aspect of creative writing. By understanding how characters respond to different emotions, you can create more realistic and relatable characters. When describing sadness, it’s important to consider the character’s emotional response, personality, and behavior.

Physical Manifestations of Sadness

When you’re feeling sad, it’s not just an emotion that you experience mentally. It can also manifest physically. Here are some physical manifestations of sadness that you can use in your creative writing to make your characters more believable.

Tears are one of the most common physical manifestations of sadness. When you’re feeling sad, your eyes may start to water, and tears may fall down your cheeks. Tears can be used to show that a character is feeling overwhelmed with emotion.

Crying is another physical manifestation of sadness. When you’re feeling sad, you may cry. Crying can be used to show that a character is feeling deeply hurt or upset.

Numbness is a physical sensation that can accompany sadness. When you’re feeling sad, you may feel emotionally numb. This can be used to show that a character is feeling disconnected from their emotions.

Facial Expressions

Facial expressions can also be used to show sadness. When you’re feeling sad, your face may droop, and your eyes may look downcast. This can be used to show that a character is feeling down or depressed.

Gestures can also be used to show sadness. When you’re feeling sad, you may slump your shoulders or hang your head. This can be used to show that a character is feeling defeated or hopeless.

Body Language

Body language can also be used to show sadness. When you’re feeling sad, you may cross your arms or hunch over. This can be used to show that a character is feeling closed off or defensive.

Cold and Heat

Sadness can also affect your body temperature. When you’re feeling sad, you may feel cold or hot. This can be used to show that a character is feeling uncomfortable or out of place.

Sobbing is another physical manifestation of sadness. When you’re feeling sad, you may sob uncontrollably. This can be used to show that a character is feeling overwhelmed with emotion.

Sweating is another physical manifestation of sadness. When you’re feeling sad, you may sweat profusely. This can be used to show that a character is feeling anxious or nervous.

By using these physical manifestations of sadness in your writing, you can make your characters more realistic and relatable. Remember to use them sparingly and only when they are relevant to the story.

Authenticity in Describing Sadness

When it comes to describing sadness in creative writing, authenticity is key. Readers can tell when an author is not being genuine, and it can make the story feel less impactful. In order to authentically describe sadness, it’s important to tap into your own emotions and experiences.

Think about a time when you felt truly sad. What did it feel like? What physical sensations did you experience? How did your thoughts and emotions change? By tapping into your own experiences, you can better convey the emotions of your characters.

It’s also important to remember that sadness can manifest in different ways for different people. Some people may cry, while others may become withdrawn or angry. By understanding the unique ways that sadness can present itself, you can create more authentic and realistic characters.

If you’re struggling to authentically describe sadness, consider talking to a loved one or best friend about their experiences. Hearing firsthand accounts can help you better understand the nuances of the emotion.

Ultimately, the key to authentically describing sadness is to approach it with empathy and understanding. By putting yourself in the shoes of your characters and readers, you can create a powerful and impactful story that resonates with your audience.

Language and Dialogue in Expressing Sadness

When writing about sadness, the language you use can make a big difference in how your readers will perceive the emotions of your characters.

Consider using metaphors and similes to create vivid images that will help your readers connect with the emotions of your characters.

For example, you might describe the sadness as a heavy weight on the character’s chest or a dark cloud hanging over their head.

In addition to using metaphors, you can also use adjectives to describe the character’s emotions. Be careful not to overuse adjectives, as this can detract from the impact of your writing. Instead, choose a few powerful adjectives that will help your readers understand the depth of the character’s sadness.

For example, you might describe the sadness as overwhelming, suffocating, or unbearable.

When it comes to dialogue, it’s important to remember that people don’t always express their emotions directly. In fact, sometimes what isn’t said is just as important as what is said.

Consider using subtext to convey the character’s sadness indirectly. For example, a character might say “I’m fine,” when in reality they are struggling with intense sadness.

Another way to use dialogue to convey sadness is through the use of behaviors. For example, a character might withdraw from social situations, stop eating or sleeping properly, or engage in self-destructive behaviors as a result of their sadness.

By showing these behaviors, you can help your readers understand the depth of the character’s emotions.

Finally, when describing sadness, it’s important to consider the overall mood of the scene. Use sensory details to create a somber atmosphere that will help your readers connect with the emotions of your characters.

For example, you might describe the rain falling heavily outside, the silence of an empty room, or the dim lighting of a funeral home.

Overall, when writing about sadness, it’s important to choose your words carefully and use a variety of techniques to convey the depth of your character’s emotions.

By using metaphors, adjectives, dialogue, behaviors, and sensory details, you can create a powerful and emotionally resonant story that will stay with your readers long after they’ve finished reading.

Expert Views on Emotion

When it comes to writing about emotions, it’s important to have a deep understanding of how they work and how they can be conveyed effectively through writing. Here are some expert views on emotion that can help you write about sadness in a more effective and engaging way.

Dr. Paul Ekman

Dr. Paul Ekman is a renowned psychologist who has spent decades studying emotions and their expressions. According to Dr. Ekman, there are six basic emotions that are universally recognized across cultures: happiness, sadness, anger, fear, surprise, and disgust.

When it comes to writing about sadness, Dr. Ekman suggests focusing on the physical sensations that accompany the emotion.

For example, you might describe the heaviness in your chest, the lump in your throat, or the tears that well up in your eyes. By focusing on these physical sensations, you can help your readers connect with the emotion on a deeper level.

While sadness is often seen as a “negative” emotion, it’s important to remember that all emotions have their place in creative writing. Disgust, for example, can be a powerful tool for conveying a character’s revulsion or aversion to something.

When writing about disgust, it’s important to be specific about what is causing the emotion. For example, you might describe the smell of rotting garbage, the sight of maggots wriggling in a pile of food, or the texture of slimy, raw meat.

By being specific, you can help your readers feel the full force of the emotion and understand why your character is feeling it.

Overall, when it comes to writing about emotions, it’s important to be both specific and authentic. By drawing on your own experiences and using concrete details to describe the physical sensations and causes of emotions, you can create a more engaging and emotionally resonant piece of writing.

Unique Examples of Describing Sadness

When it comes to describing sadness in creative writing, there are many unique ways to convey this emotion to your readers. Here are some examples that can help you create a powerful and moving scene:

• The crying scene : One of the most common ways to show sadness is through tears. However, instead of just saying “she cried,” try to describe the crying scene in detail. For instance, you could describe how her tears fell like raindrops on the floor, or how her sobs shook her body like a violent storm. This will help your readers visualize the scene and feel the character’s pain.
• The socks : Another way to show sadness is through symbolism. For example, you could describe how the character is wearing mismatched socks, which represents how her life is falling apart and nothing seems to fit together anymore. This can be a subtle yet effective way to convey sadness without being too obvious.
• John : If your character is named John, you can use his name to create a sense of melancholy. For example, you could describe how the raindrops fell on John’s shoulders, weighing him down like the burdens of his life. This can be a creative way to convey sadness while also adding depth to your character.

Remember, when describing sadness in creative writing, it’s important to be specific and use vivid language. This will help your readers connect with your character on a deeper level and feel their pain.

Frequently Asked Questions

What are some effective ways to describe a person’s sadness without using the word ‘sad’.

When describing sadness, it’s important to avoid using the word “sad” as it can come across as cliché and lackluster. Instead, try using more descriptive words that evoke a sense of sadness in the reader. For example, you could use words like “heartbroken,” “bereft,” “devastated,” “despondent,” or “forlorn.” These words help to create a more vivid and emotional description of sadness that readers can connect with.

How can you describe the physical manifestations of sadness on a person’s face?

When describing the physical manifestations of sadness on a person’s face, it’s important to pay attention to the small details. For example, you could describe the way their eyes become red and swollen from crying, or how their mouth trembles as they try to hold back tears. You could also describe the way their shoulders slump or how they withdraw into themselves. By focusing on these small but telling details, you can create a more realistic and relatable portrayal of sadness.

What are some examples of using metaphor and simile to convey sadness in creative writing?

Metaphors and similes can be powerful tools for conveying sadness in creative writing. For example, you could compare a person’s sadness to a heavy weight that they’re carrying on their shoulders, or to a storm cloud that follows them wherever they go. You could also use metaphors and similes to describe the way sadness feels, such as a “gnawing ache” in the pit of their stomach or a “cold, empty void” inside their chest.

How can you effectively convey the emotional weight of sadness through dialogue?

When writing dialogue for a character who is experiencing sadness, it’s important to focus on the emotions and feelings that they’re experiencing. Use short, simple sentences to convey the character’s sadness, and avoid using overly complex language or metaphors. You could also use pauses and silences to create a sense of emotional weight and tension in the scene.

What are some techniques for describing a character’s inner sadness in a way that is relatable to the reader?

One effective technique for describing a character’s inner sadness is to focus on their thoughts and feelings. Use introspection to delve into the character’s emotions and describe how they’re feeling in a way that is relatable to the reader. You could also use flashbacks or memories to show why the character is feeling sad, and how it’s affecting their current actions and decisions.

How can you use sensory language to create a vivid portrayal of sadness in a poem or story?

Sensory language is an effective way to create a vivid portrayal of sadness in a poem or story. Use descriptive words that evoke the senses, such as the smell of rain on a sad day or the sound of a distant train whistle. You could also use sensory language to describe the physical sensations of sadness, such as the weight of a heavy heart or the taste of tears on the tongue. By using sensory language, you can create a more immersive and emotional reading experience for your audience.

Describing Happiness

Take delight in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart. Psalms 37:4

He said with a flourish

A wave of happiness washed over me

His face was open and kind

A moment of pure crushing happiness

The warmth of his gaze seemed to penetrate my skin

A triumphant air

Radiant happiness

Joyful alacrity (brisk and cheerful readiness)

Praise from him made my heart flutter unexpectedly

She was deeply thoughtful, kind and angelic

He watched with excited shock

Her eyes sparkled with kindness and good humour as she spoke

A sharply edged euphoria

Grim satisfaction

I saw a glint of satisfaction in her eyes

We exchanged excited glances

His eyes were glowing with excitement and delight

A swell of satisfaction

Wild pleasure

Dizzying sense of pleasure

She bristles with pleasure

A shiver of pleasure

Breathless with excitement

An electric pulse went through my bones

Dizzy with excitement

Her eyes flared with excitement

She bubbled over with enthusiasm

Her face was dazzled with happiness.

A jolt of pleasure

A cry of delight

Hope spiralled up inside

I glow a little at the compliment

She felt a stirring in her chest 

Her heart was suddenly singing

Her heart soared

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Blossoming Words: Creative Writing About Spring

My name is Debbie, and I am passionate about developing a love for the written word and planting a seed that will grow into a powerful voice that can inspire many.

1. Embrace Nature’s Symphony:

2.⁢ unleash your ‌inner child:, capturing the‌ essence: how ‌to describe the ⁣beauty of‍ spring in⁢ words, painting with words:⁣ crafting vivid imagery in spring writing, creating‌ characters:⁢ exploring the human experience of spring, exploring⁤ symbolism: using nature to ⁣convey deeper​ meanings in spring writing, the⁤ art of metaphor:⁢ connecting⁣ spring⁣ themes ⁣to‌ everyday​ life, embracing the season: tips for engaging your senses in ⁤spring writing, frequently asked questions, to conclude, blooming inspiration: finding‍ creative ⁣writing ideas for ⁣spring.

Spring ‍is‌ a season ⁢bursting with ⁤new⁢ life ‌and⁢ awakened senses, making it ​the ‌perfect time to discover fresh and invigorating creative writing ideas. Embrace the essence of⁤ blooming inspiration and ​let your imagination flourish‌ with‍ these tips that will ⁢help you capture the spirit⁢ of spring in your ‌writing.

Step outside and immerse yourself in ‌the harmonious symphony of bird songs, rustling leaves,​ and⁣ gentle​ breezes. Take note ⁢of the scents, colors,⁣ and textures⁤ that surround you. ‍Close‌ your‌ eyes⁤ and let ⁣yourself⁢ truly experience the rejuvenating power of nature. These sensory ⁢details can ⁣add depth⁤ and⁢ authenticity to ​your​ writing,‌ whether⁤ it’s​ a⁤ descriptive⁢ nature ⁢scene, a poetic piece, or a character’s‌ introspective journey.​ Remember, the natural ‌world is your muse! ​

‍Springtime is filled ​with nostalgia and ​a sense of ​wonderment reminiscent ⁤of childhood. ⁤Embrace this youthful⁢ energy and ‌let⁣ it⁣ guide your creativity. Write ⁣about ⁣the memories and sensations that spring resurrects in‌ your ⁤heart. ⁤Perhaps⁤ it’s the joy ‌of flying a kite or⁢ the anticipation‌ of hunting ‍for hidden⁢ Easter​ eggs. By reconnecting ⁤with the child within you, ⁢you’ll⁢ tap into a wellspring of ⁤authentic emotions that ‍can infuse your writing with⁤ a ‌captivating⁣ and relatable charm. ⁤

‍ As‍ spring bursts forth, nature becomes alive with a vibrant symphony of colors, scents, and sounds that ‍simply defy⁣ adequate description. ‍The breathtaking beauty of⁣ this season deserves to be captured in words that⁤ paint a vivid picture in the minds⁤ of​ those who listen or read. ⁣To ​truly​ convey the essence‌ of ‌spring, ​one ⁢must delve into⁢ the​ sensory experience it⁣ offers, and explore ⁢the delicate details that make it so enchanting.

When it comes to describing the beauty​ of spring, ⁢one must tap into the sight of a ​thousand ⁢blossoms gracefully unfurling, ‌giving birth‌ to an explosion of life. The⁣ colorful tapestry of vibrant⁢ tulips, ‌ delicate ⁢cherry blossoms ,⁤ and dainty daffodils effortlessly ignite⁣ feelings of joy and wonder. ⁢The playful dance ‌of butterflies and bees, flitting from ⁣flower ‍to⁤ flower, ⁤adds an extra touch of enchantment to the scene. The rejuvenation ‌of ⁤nature ⁢after a long‌ and cold winter sets the⁢ stage for⁢ the symphony ‌of birdsong ‍that‍ fills the air. ⁢The​ melodious trills of ⁤robins, blackbirds, ⁤and finches create a harmonious backdrop,⁣ like nature’s ⁤own ​orchestra announcing the arrival​ of a new ​season. ⁣

• The fragrance of⁢ blossoming flowers wafting through‍ the air can be​ described as:
• Exquisite : It intoxicates the senses, evoking a‍ feeling of⁤ blissful tranquility.
• Alluring : It beckons and entices, captivating all who encounter⁢ it.
• Delicate : It is ‍a gentle whisper,⁢ delicately enchanting those who breathe it ⁣in.
• To evoke the texture⁣ and touch of spring, one⁤ might‍ use ⁢words such as:
• Velvety : The petals of blooming⁤ roses⁣ or peonies, soft and smooth‍ to the touch.
• Tender : The newly sprouted grass, as‍ soft and ​delicate as ‌a ‌newborn’s skin.
• Feathery : The ‍light ‍brush of⁣ a butterfly’s wings against your⁤ palm, ⁢almost‍ weightless.

Spring is a‌ season that bursts with ⁢vibrant colors, delightful scents, and the promise of new⁤ beginnings.⁤ As writers,‍ we have the incredible⁤ power to capture ⁣the essence of ⁢this enchanting time through⁤ vivid imagery,⁤ transporting our readers to blooming gardens, sun-drenched meadows, and ‍gentle rain showers.‍ Crafting imagery that resonates​ with‌ your ‌audience requires a deft touch and a‌ creative‌ mind. Here ⁢are some⁣ tips to help you​ master the art⁣ of painting with words ⁢this​ spring:

• Observe the details: ⁤Take in ⁣the sights, sounds, and ⁣smells of spring with intention. Notice the delicate petals unfurling, the chorus of birdsong at ⁣dawn, and the earthy fragrance of freshly mowed grass. By ‍honing your observational skills, ‌you can infuse⁣ your writing ⁢with authentic‌ and immersive detail.
• Engage the senses: ‌ Spring is a season​ that tantalizes ⁢all our senses. Embrace the ‌challenge of painting a multisensory picture in your readers’ minds. Describe the ‌warmth​ of the sun on⁤ their skin, the gentle touch of a⁢ spring breeze, or⁣ the ​sweet taste of ⁢ripe ‍strawberries⁤ straight from⁣ the field.
• Use vivid and‍ evocative language: ‍Don’t​ shy away from employing‌ colorful, descriptive words to bring your spring scenes to ⁤life. Invoke the rich palette of nature with⁣ vibrant adjectives‍ like ‘dazzling,’⁤ ‘lush,’​ or ‘fragrant.’ Additionally, consider utilizing similes ‍and metaphors to create striking ⁢comparisons that evoke emotion and resonate ⁣with ⁤your readers.

Spring is a ⁢season of rejuvenation⁤ and new growth. By⁤ harnessing⁣ the⁣ power ⁤of ‌imagery,⁢ we can help ⁣our readers immerse‌ themselves in‌ the beauty and wonder of this magical⁢ time. So, grab​ your metaphorical paintbrush and give life⁤ to your‍ spring writing!

When⁣ it comes to creating characters, delving into the human experience of spring⁤ can ⁢offer ​a ‌rich tapestry⁣ of emotions, growth, and renewal. Spring‌ has long been associated with ⁤rebirth and transformation, making ​it an ideal backdrop for developing compelling and⁤ relatable ‌characters in⁢ your ⁣storytelling. ‍By exploring the ‌unique challenges and joys that accompany this season, you ​can bring ⁢your characters to life in a way that resonates‍ with readers. ⁤

One aspect to consider is ⁤the anticipation and hope that spring brings. With the ​arrival of​ warmer weather and blossoming nature, characters may experience a⁤ renewed⁣ sense⁢ of optimism and⁣ possibility. This⁤ sense‍ of hope⁤ can ‍serve as a powerful ⁣motivator for their actions‌ and ​decisions, driving them toward personal ⁢growth or pursuit ‍of long-held dreams. Additionally, the theme of new⁢ beginnings can be explored through‌ characters embarking on fresh⁢ starts,⁢ making life-altering choices,⁣ or leaving behind the past.

In ​spring writing, authors⁢ often​ use symbolism‍ to add ‌depth ⁢and ‌layers‍ of meaning⁢ to ​their⁣ works. One powerful source of​ symbolism is nature itself, with its myriad elements and​ cycles ‍that parallel ⁢human ‌experiences. By incorporating natural imagery and symbolism, ​writers‍ can ‍convey a range⁣ of ⁢emotions, ideas,⁣ and themes, inviting readers⁤ to engage⁢ with their work on a deeper ⁤level.

Nature​ offers ‌an abundance‍ of ⁤symbolic possibilities. The blooming of ⁣flowers, for example, can represent growth, ‌renewal, and the⁤ beauty of life. By using this symbol⁤ strategically,‌ authors ‍can evoke a sense of optimism and hope. The chirping of birds ‌can ​symbolize freedom, liberation, ​and ⁤the joy of embracing new beginnings. A writer may also ‌use the ‍image of a gentle spring ‌rain to symbolize cleansing, ​purification, and the process of ‌letting go. By skillfully weaving these symbols and others into‍ their writing, authors can create⁢ a⁣ rich​ tapestry of ​ideas that resonate with readers.

Spring is ​a season of rebirth ⁣and⁣ renewal, bringing forth a sense‍ of ⁣awakening ⁤and‌ possibility. Just like the bloom of flowers and the emergence of vibrant ⁣colors, metaphors‍ can ⁤serve as powerful⁣ tools to ⁤connect these symbolic themes to ‍our everyday lives. By harnessing the art of metaphor, we ‍can delve deeper into our own experiences and find‍ new meaning in the world around us.

Metaphors have the ability to transform the‌ mundane into the extraordinary, enabling us ‌to perceive the world through a different lens. They invite us to explore the interplay between the ⁣tangible and ⁢intangible, giving ⁤voice to emotions, experiences, and‌ ideas that‍ may ⁢otherwise elude definition. ‍Metaphors effortlessly bridge gaps, forging connections between ‌ seemingly​ unrelated concepts ⁣and ‌allowing us‌ to⁤ grasp complex ideas in a more accessible manner. Like a ⁣trail of stepping stones leading across a​ stream, metaphors guide ⁤us⁢ towards understanding, stimulating​ our ‌imagination and ⁢enriching our storytelling capabilities.

• The⁣ language of nature: Spring’s return evokes metaphors ⁣that draw ⁣upon the⁤ natural world,​ such ​as the blossoming of flowers to represent personal growth and⁣ the ⁣shedding of old⁤ layers like trees ⁣shedding their ⁣leaves.
• Renewal and transformation: Spring metaphors can symbolize the process of renewal and⁣ personal‍ transformation,‍ like a caterpillar entering the ‌chrysalis and emerging as a butterfly or the melting of winter’s ice as a ⁣metaphor ⁣for ​releasing​ past ⁣burdens.
• Symbolism of rebirth: ‍Spring’s arrival connects to ‌metaphors of⁣ rebirth, ⁤birth, and new beginnings,⁢ akin ‍to a seed⁤ breaking ⁣through‍ the soil to⁣ reach for the ⁤sunlight,⁤ embodying⁣ hope and resilience.

‌Spring is a ⁣season ​bursting with sensory delights, and‍ as writers, we have a ‍unique ‍opportunity ‍to immerse ourselves in its wonders. ‍By engaging​ our senses, we can⁣ add depth and⁤ richness to our writing,‍ awakening​ our⁢ readers’ imaginations. Here are ‌some tips to help you make ⁤the most ⁣of spring’s‍ sensory treasures: ⁣‍

• Sight: Take​ a leisurely ⁣stroll⁤ through a ⁤blossoming garden‍ or ‍a park,​ noticing the‍ vibrant colors⁣ of blooming flowers and budding ⁤trees. Observe the ​delicate petals, the lush green leaves, and the playful dance of butterflies and birds.
• Hearing: Find‍ a quiet spot outdoors where⁣ you can close⁣ your eyes and listen ‍to the symphony‌ of nature. ⁢Tune in to the gentle rustling of leaves, the cheerful chirping⁣ of ‌birds, or the soft⁣ patter of raindrops. ‍These sounds ‌can ​transport you‌ to different ⁤worlds and inspire‌ your writing.
• Smell: ​Fill your surroundings ​with the ⁢pleasing scents of spring. ⁢Breathe ​in the fragrance⁤ of freshly-cut grass, blooming flowers, ⁤or​ the earthy scent after a⁢ spring shower. Engage ‍your olfactory sense to conjure ​emotions and memories‌ that can enrich your ‌writing.

In⁣ addition to sight, ​hearing, ⁣and ⁣smell, don’t ⁢forget to indulge ⁣in⁤ the flavors⁤ and textures⁤ of⁤ spring. Try exploring the‍ crispness of biting into a ‍juicy ⁣strawberry‌ or the‌ satisfying ⁢crunch of fresh​ vegetables. Pay attention⁢ to the coolness of ‌a refreshing sip⁢ of iced tea or ​the smoothness‍ of a creamy​ dessert. ⁢Let your taste⁢ buds be your ​guide, uncovering ‌new ​sensations‌ and inspirations for your writing journey. ​

Q: What is “Blossoming Words: Creative Writing‍ About Spring” all⁤ about? A: “Blossoming⁢ Words: Creative Writing About⁢ Spring” is⁢ an article ​that explores ‍the art of⁢ creative ‌writing‌ centered around the vibrant⁤ season of spring. It delves into ⁤techniques‍ to​ vividly describe ​the⁢ beauty of ‌nature,⁢ capture ​the essence of⁤ renewal, and ‍evoke the ‌emotions ​associated with⁤ this time of‍ year.

Q: Why is spring such an important season for creative writing? A: Spring ⁣holds a captivating allure⁢ with its blossoming flowers, singing ‍birds, and warmer weather. The⁢ season symbolizes​ renewal, growth, and ⁣transformation. Its vibrant and fragrant atmosphere ⁣often‌ inspires writers ⁤to craft prose and poetry‍ that reflect ‍these‌ themes. Spring becomes a‌ canvas for writers ⁢to explore the human experience⁣ – from a resurgence of‍ hope to‌ the euphoria of new​ beginnings.

Q: What ‍are some techniques recommended for⁤ capturing ⁣the essence ‍of spring in⁤ writing? A: To vividly portray the essence ​of spring in writing, it’s essential to engage⁤ the senses and focus on⁣ descriptive language. ‍Writers can use colorful imagery to‍ portray ​blossoming flowers, gentle ‌breezes, or the ⁣aroma of rain-soaked earth.‌ By incorporating ​sensory details, rhythm, ⁤and ⁤vibrant ⁣metaphors,⁤ they can bring⁤ their readers⁣ into ⁤the moment and create an immersive springtime experience ⁢on ⁢the‌ page.

Q: How can writers evoke emotions ‍associated⁣ with spring in their creative ​writing? A: ⁤Writers⁤ can evoke the emotions⁢ associated with spring by tapping⁤ into the‍ universal experiences⁣ and narratives ​linked to this season. Exploring‍ themes⁢ of rejuvenation,‌ renewal, and the circle ‍of life can ⁤strike a chord with readers. By ​painting evocative landscapes and weaving metaphors⁣ that⁤ resonate with ‌readers’ own⁢ experiences,‌ writers can engage their⁢ emotional responses and⁢ create ⁣a deep connection.

Q: Are there any specific writing prompts or⁤ exercises mentioned ⁤in the article? A: Absolutely! ‍The article provides a range‍ of prompts and ‌exercises to ‍help writers kickstart their‌ creative process. Some examples include imagining ⁣a ⁣conversation between a raindrop​ and a newly bloomed flower, describing the awakening of animals⁣ after the winter slumber, or‌ creating a ‍ short story inspired by the first⁤ blooming tree in ‌a city. ⁢These prompts aim to inspire writers⁣ to explore the beauty and themes of ⁤spring from ‍different angles.

Q: ‍How can this article benefit aspiring ‌writers or ‌those interested in⁢ creative writing? A: This article ‍serves as an invaluable⁢ resource for aspiring writers or anyone ⁢fascinated by⁤ creative writing. It provides practical tips, techniques, and writing ​prompts that can help unlock their creativity‌ and‍ enhance ‍their ability ⁤to vividly capture the essence of spring ‍in their writing. ‌It ‍encourages readers to embrace the beauty of nature⁣ and explore their unique perspectives, ultimately enriching‍ their⁣ writing​ and connecting with ⁣their​ readers on a‍ deeper level.

In conclusion, “Blossoming Words: Creative Writing About Spring” reveals the beauty⁤ and ​inspiration of the season, encouraging writers to explore its vibrant ⁢and ⁤rejuvenating elements‌ through their words.

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