pros and cons essay online dating

Advantages and Disadvantages of Online Dating Essay

Writing an essay about online dating? It will be helpful to read through some examples first. Below, you will find one such online dating advantages and disadvantages essay.

Introduction

Online dating refers to an activity through which individuals socialize and get to know each other on the internet (Elisar 1). In developed countries, online dating has become a normal activity. In the UK, it is estimated that online dating sites attract up to 10 million users every month.

The history of online dating can be traced back to the late 20 th century when the internet was invented. When the internet was first introduced to the public, people used to communicate via chat rooms. With time, spammers and criminals invaded the chat rooms and compromised their usability.

It was not long before dating websites emerged to protect those who wanted to socialize on the internet. Currently, dating sites have attracted millions of users becoming one of the most preferred means of interacting with people on the internet. Despite its popularity, there are risks associated with using these services. This paper focuses on the merits and demerits of online dating with respect to dating in a more traditional way.

Advantages of Online Dating

Unlike offline dating, online dating allows the user to interact with millions of people without having to travel. With offline dating, individuals have to travel across cities, regions, and sometimes countries. This is not only time consuming but also costly. It is estimated that using offline dating can cost an individual up to $100 in a single night. The cost is higher because it requires an individual to visit popular joints, bars, hotels, or nightclubs and have a snack or a drink.

Even so, there are no assurances that the time, attempts, and cash would yield a positive result. On the other hand, online dating will cost the user little or no money. Some sites charge little monthly fee whereas others charge no fee. The monthly fee charged by these websites are insignificant compared to the money spend on offline dating. Similarly, there are more risks associated with having to travel to meet strangers compared to meeting them online.

As suggested above, it is apparent that online dating increases the scope of search for those who are single. When singles join online dating sites, they get the opportunity to interact with millions of users. With offline dating, these people would not have interacted because they come from different offices, cities, regions, or countries. This implies that through online dating, singles can increase their scope of search.

Online dating increases the chances of individuals who might not otherwise get the chance to date offline. Individuals who are unable to attend social events or meetings regularly such as busy professionals, disabled, and single parents will find online dating sites useful unlike offline dating.

Similarly, individuals with small social circles such as tourists and recent divorcees will find online dating useful compared to offline dating. Other individuals who will find online dating useful are people who are shy, people who would like to know more about their friends before meeting them, and people who do not enjoy loud social situations associated with offline dating.

Another reason why online dating is preferred over offline dating is that it allows singles to meet other singles with equal interests with ease. Through offline dating, singles will have to date a number of other singles for them to meet like-minded partners. As such, those who have met their partners through offline dating attribute their success to fate. Through online dating, the success does not depend on fate because the service allows the users to filter their potential matches based on age, height, race, interests, and careers.

Equally, online dating unlike offline dating allows users to conceal their anonymity and have control over their relationships. In the society, there are individuals who are reluctant to let unfamiliar persons into their lives straight away.

Online dating will come in handy for such individuals because through it they can be able to control their relations without giving out too much information about themselves. Certainly, interacting online and finding strangers okay should not be considered as a guarantee that they are satisfactory. For this reason, the ability to control your privacy while interacting is appropriate.

Disadvantages of Online Dating

Despite its popularity, there are some disadvantages associated with online dating with respect to offline dating. Unlike when dating through conventional ways, it has been established that most of the people using online dating sites are liars. They lie about their attributes, jobs, properties, salary, and their marital status.

Notably, it has been identified that men lie about how tall they are, while women down play their height. Similarly, Toma and Hanrock did a study on the physical appearance of those using online dating (Knox 135). In their study, they noted that the lesser the attractiveness of individuals, the higher their chances of enhancing their profile pictures on online dating sites. With the use of offline dating, such lies could have been eliminated.

Similarly, with the use of online dating some people have been able to lie about their marital status. Research shows that 30% of those using online dating are married and often lie about their marital status (Knox 136). There are instances where married men have been able to maintain several simultaneous online relationships with other women.

These men managed to lie to several women and made wedding proposals to a number of them. Although the same situations can happen during offline dating, it should be noted that the extent of lies perpetuated through conventional dating is minimal and less severe compared to the lies perpetuated on the internet.

Another disadvantage associated with online dating is having unlimited number of options. On the internet, a soul searcher can find hundreds of options. The more the number of options, the less a user will be able to scrutinize each profile. Through offline dating, an individual’s option is limited.

This implies that he or she will have enough time to access the character of the potential partner. Equally, it has been found that many of those dating online have higher chances of breaking up compared to those dating through conventional ways. This can be attributed to the many options presented on online dating sites. Therefore, when hurdles arise in a relationship an individual will opt to dump his or her partner in favor of a better option.

Unlike through conventional dating ways, online dating increases the risk of meeting sex offenders and scammers. Because users can conceal their identities when using online dating, sex offenders find the sites attractive for their ill motives. These cyber criminals can overcome the security measures put by the owners of the website by using fake names.

Therefore, those using online dating sites should be weary of such individuals. They should not give out their home address, phone numbers, or other private details in a hurry. In general, there are a few risks of meeting sex offenders or scammers through conventional dating compared to online dating.

Another major concerned faced by those using cyber dates is security. Despite the fact that the owners of dating websites have put in place security measures, some cybercriminals can manage to crack them and steal information from their users. By obtaining the users’ email and passwords, cybercriminals can get access to the users’ messages. On the contrary, there is no security issue concerning personal information when an individual dates through conventional ways.

In conclusion, it should be noted that there are benefits and risks associated with online dating. Its advantages are online dating allows the user to interact with millions of people without having to travel, it increases the scope of search for those who are single, increases the chances of individuals who might not otherwise get the chance to date offline, and allows users to conceal their anonymity and have control over their relationships. Despite its popularity, there are some disadvantages associated with online dating with respect to offline dating.

Unlike when dating through conventional ways, it has been established that most of the people using online dating sites are liars. They lie about their attributes, jobs, properties, salary, and their marital status. Another disadvantage associated with online dating is having unlimited number of options. Similarly, online dating increases the risks of meeting sex offenders and scammers. Lastly, a major concerned faced by those using cyber dates is security.

Works Cited

Elisar, Shimrit. Everyone’s guide to online dating: how to find love and friendship on the internet . Oxford: How To Books, 2007. Print.

Knox, David. Choices in relationships: an introduction to marriage and the family . 11 ed. St. Paul: West Pub. Co., 2011. Print.

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Online Dating: A Critical Analysis From the Perspective of Psychological Science

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Although the authors find that online dating sites offer a distinctly different experience than conventional dating, the superiority of these sites is not as evident. Dating sites provide access to more potential partners than do traditional dating methods, but the act of browsing and comparing large numbers of profiles can lead individuals to commoditize potential partners and can reduce their willingness to commit to any one person. Communicating online can foster intimacy and affection between strangers, but it can also lead to unrealistic expectations and disappointment when potential partners meet in real life. Although many dating sites tout the superiority of partner matching through the use of “scientific algorithms,” the authors find that there is little evidence that these algorithms can predict whether people are good matches or will have chemistry with one another.

The authors’ overarching assessment of online dating sites is that scientifically, they just don’t measure up. As online dating matures, however, it is likely that more and more people will avail themselves of these services, and if development — and use — of these sites is guided by rigorous psychological science, they may become a more promising way for people to meet their perfect partners.

Hear author Eli J. Finkel discuss the science behind online dating at the 24th APS Annual Convention .

About the Authors

Editorial: Online Dating:  The Current Status —and Beyond

By Arthur Aron

I agree wholeheartedly that so-called scientific dating sites are totally off-base. They make worse matches than just using a random site. That’s because their matching criteria are hardly scientific, as far as romance goes. They also have a very small pool of educated, older men, and lots more women. Therefore they often come up with no matches at all, despite the fact that women with many different personality types in that age group have joined. They are an expensive rip-off for many women over 45.

Speaking as someone who was recently “commoditized” by who I thought was a wonderful man I met on a dating site, I find that the types of people who use these services are looking at the wrong metrics when they seek out a prospective love interest. My mother and father had very few hobbies and interests in common, but because they shared the same core values, their love endured a lifetime. When I got dumped because I didn’t share my S.O.’s interests exactly down the line, I realized how dangerous this line of thinking truly is, how it marginalizes people who really want to give and receive love for more important reasons.

I met a few potential love interests online and I never paid for any matching service! I did my own research on people and chatted online within a site to see if we had things in common. If we had a few things in common, we exchanged numbers, texted for a while, eventually spoke on the phone and if things felt right, we’d meet in a public place to talk. If that went well, we would have another date. I am currently with a man I met online and we have been together for two years! We have plans to marry in the future. But there is always the thought that if this doesn’t work out, how long will it take either of us to jump right back online to find the next possible love connection? I myself would probably start looking right away since looking for love online is a lengthy process!

I knew this man 40 years ago as we worked in the same agency for two years but never dated. Last November 2013 I saw his profile on a dating site. My husband had died four years ago and his wife died 11 years ago. We dated for five months. I questioned him about his continued online search as I had access to his username. Five months into the friendship he told me he “Was looking for his dream women in cyberspace”. I think he has been on these dating sites for over 5 years. Needless to say I will not tolerate this and it was over. I am sad, frustrated and angry how this ended as underneath all of his insecurities, unresolved issues with his wife’s death he is a good guy. I had been on these dating sties for 2 and 1/2 years and now I am looking at Matchmaking services as a better choice in finding a “Better good guy”.

I refer to these sites as “Designer Dating” sites. I liken the search process to ‘Window Shopping’. No-one seems very interested in making an actual purchase or commitment. I notice that all the previous comments are from women only. I agree with the article that says essentially, there are too many profiles and photos. Having fallen under this spell myself…”Oh, he’s nice but I’m sure there’s something better on the next page…” Click. Next. And on it goes. The term Chemistry gets thrown around a lot. I don’t know folks. I sure ain’t feelin’ it. Think I’ll go hang out with some friends now.

Stumbling upon this article during research for my Master thesis and I am curious: Would you use an app, that introduces a new way of dating, solely based on your voice and who you are, rather than how you look like? To me, we don’t fall in love with someone because of their looks (or their body mass index for that matter) or because of an algorithm, but because of the way somebody makes you feel and the way s.o. makes you laugh. At the end of the day, it really doesn’t matter if someone has blue or brown eyes and my experience is, that most people place fake, manipulated or outdated pictures online to sell someone we don’t really are. And we are definitely more than our looks. I found my partner online and we had no picture of each other for three months – but we talked every night for hours…. fell in love and still are after 10 years… We met on a different level and got aligned long before we met. So, the question is, would you give this way of meeting someone a chance… an app where you can listen in to answers people give to questions other user asked before and where you can get a feeling for somebody before you even see them?

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12 Pros and Cons of Online Dating – Is It Worth It?

The growth of online dating over the past few decades has been nothing short of impressive. And all research points to the fact that growth is not slowing down anytime soon . But for a lot of people (like maybe you), it’s still pretty new and you might not be sure if it’s the right fit or not.

We feel you. In this guide, our team of experts is going to dig into the pros and the cons of online dating from top to bottom. The goal? To give you all the information you need to decide if online dating is right for you.

6 Pros of Online Dating

Curious why everyone and their mother is ranting and raving about online dating? If you are, we don’t blame you. Turn on a TV, walk into a coffee shop, or go literally anywhere with people, and the chances are you’re going to hear people praising or debating online dating apps.

Let’s get you caught up to speed. Here are a few of the biggest benefits and pros of using online dating apps.

1. Online dating has a pretty solid track record of success.

If there’s one pro that even the staunchest of critics can’t argue with, it’s the track record of online dating apps. These tech masterpieces have helped millions of single men and women find love throughout their decades of existence.

For example, eHarmony has already helped over 2 million singles find love, and that number is doing nothing but continuing to tick higher and higher. While you may have questions about how they get there, you can’t argue with the impressively positive results.

2. Dating apps save you time.

Enjoy spending hours and hours trolling bars trying to find someone special? Having a good time going on countless dates with guys or girls who are terrible for you? We feel you. Not only is it incredibly frustrating, but it also wastes your time.

A huge pro of online dating apps is that they are masterful at saving you time. Imagine if you were able to walk into a full room of single men and women, give someone a list of what you like, and then automatically get to see the guys or gals that match that criteria. That would be incredible, right?

Well, that’s how online dating works. You can set up a profile, input matching criteria, and share what you like. After that, the dating app shows you tons of singles that match exactly what you’re looking for! Not only does this save you time on searching, but it means that you’re going on dates with singles who you’ve already prequalified. This means that your chances of a successful date go through the roof.

3. You get access to thousands of singles you otherwise wouldn’t.

While quality always outweighs quantity, you’re still always going to have better luck finding someone special when you have more options. When you choose to try online dating, you’ll get access to thousands of singles in your city, state, country, or even around the globe! Hands down, one of the most important pros of online dating is bumping up the number of your options, while simultaneously increasing the quality of your matches.

For example, Zoosk, one of the most popular dating apps in the world has nearly 40 million downloads to date.

4. You get a chance to date outside of your “normal” stomping grounds.

With the risk of sounding like a cheesy rom-com, what happens if your one in a million lives in your city but you just never run into each other? Maybe they go to the bar down the street, or maybe they take the same elevator as you every day but just 5 minutes later? If that’s the case, you’ll never meet without some crazy luck.

And while we love wild stories of chance encounters, why not try and take luck out of the equation? Another major pro of online dating is that it expands your chances of meeting someone in your city outside of your normal stomping grounds. To meet that guy or girl on the elevator, you’ll have to get lucky with time. However, if they sign up for online dating, you can get on your account at any time and you’ll be able to find each other!

5. Dating apps can promote diversity.

Recent research shows that dating apps might actually be able to promote diversity in relationships. Much like we just talked about how dating apps can get you to meet people you normally wouldn’t based on location, they can also do the same thing based on ethnicity, background, interests, etc. While this will still require some acceptance on your part, it’s a neat aspect of the technology.

6. The potential upside is massive.

If online dating doesn’t work for you, that, of course, stinks. However, what if it does? While the downside of online dating is maybe some time and money, the upside is potentially finding the love of your life! You could legitimately find the person you’re going to spend the rest of your life with. Honestly, that is probably the biggest pro of them all (which is why we conveniently saved it for last).

6 Cons of Online Dating

While it’s nice to think that online dating is all rainbows and roses, that’s certainly not the case. Luckily, the benefits and pros far outweigh the drawbacks, but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t look at everything before making a decision.

Here are a few of the biggest online dating apps’ cons and drawbacks that you should be aware of.

1. It still takes time.

One of the biggest pros of online dating apps is how effective they are at helping you find love. That being said, they’re not a magic solution. You still have to do your part, and it’s still going to take time to find the person you’re looking for.

Would it be awesome if we could just sign up for an online dating account, shut the computer down or put our phone away, and then just wait for Mr. or Ms. Amazing to waltz into our door? Absolutely that would be amazing. However, it’s not a reality. Yes, online dating apps will make your life a whole heck of a lot easier, but you still need to be prepared to do your part.

2. Quality filters aren’t 100% effective.

One of the reasons a lot of single men and women turn to online dating is because they’re tired of the low-quality singles they’re meeting at bars or through the other in-person dating realms. Are the singles you meet online a higher quality? Yes and no. You’ll certainly find a lot of high-quality singles who, just like you, are tired of the bar scene and are turning to technology.

Does this mean that 100% of the people you meet and interact with through online dating websites are of high quality? Absolutely not. While you will be able to utilize filters and features to weed out the unsavory folks, it’s not 100%. You may still run into some riff-raff from time to time. It’s certainly better than what you get in-person, but we just want you to approach online dating with the right mindset.

3. Online dating does cost money.

Yes, there are free online dating apps out there where you can message other singles in your area at no cost. Do we recommend these options? No. Why? Well, a few things happen when someone has to pay for an online dating subscription.

First, they take the process more seriously. When someone has a few bucks invested into something, it makes them want to get some value out of it. This means they’re more likely to respond to messages, more likely to be active, more likely to fill out their profiles and upload photos, and all of that means better results for singles looking for love.

Second, it helps to cut down significantly on any fake accounts, spammers, or riff-raff. Sadly, the free dating apps are filled with these unsavory folks who aren’t worth your time.

So, in actuality, paying for an online dating subscription is a pro, as it increases the quality of your experience. That being said, though, it still does cost money, which may be a drawback for some. 

4. Some people don’t get it.

If you spend your whole life worrying about what other people think about what you’re doing, you’re in for a lot of headaches. That being said, it’s not always something that can be easily overlooked. When it comes to using online dating apps, there are going to be some people that think it’s a waste of time or that you’re weird for choosing to use the web to find love.

Are they right? Absolutely not. When you want to find literally anything else in life, you use the web. When you want to find a plane ticket, you use online apps. When you want to shop for clothes, often, you use online apps. When you buy a car, you use online apps. So, why would it be at all weird to use online apps and tools to find love?

Here’s some even better news. In the early days of online dating, the view was much stronger that it was weird. However, now that it’s been around for decades, more and more people are understanding how effective and “normal” it is. Just because you’re tired of trolling bars to find love and you value your time doesn’t make you odd at all.

5. There may be a learning curve.

Here’s some good news. Online dating apps have come a long way when it comes to being user-friendly. Even if you’re not someone who is great with technology, you can now take advantage of the benefits that it brings to the table.

That being said, there still may be a small learning curve, especially if this is your first time dating online. It may take you a few minutes to learn where the controls are, how to get set up, and how to interact with other members.

Is this a reason not to give online dating apps a try? Absolutely not. Just be patient and prepared going in knowing that, like with anything, it might take you a minute to get your bearings. And if you get stuck on anything, you can always reach out to the site’s customer support for help.

6. Certain dating apps could have a negative effect on your mental state.

Unfortunately, not all dating apps are proving to be healthy, especially the swipe style dating apps. According to recent research , these types of apps are creating dopamine loops that turn into doom-scrolling, which may have quite a negative effect on your mental health. In other words, your brain stars to become addicted to getting matches and you start to scroll uncontrollably to try and get that next “high” of getting a match. It may sound silly, but if you’ve ever experienced or researched social media addiction , you’ll see many of the same trends.

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Written By: Matthew J. Seymour, MSF

Matthew J. Seymour is a dating industry expert with over a decade of experience coaching singles, reviewing dating apps, and analyzing trends within the industry. Matt is a published author with his most recent work “Get More Dates: How to Master Online Dating Apps” that hit shelves in 2023. With a Masters of Science in Finance (MSF) degree from the University of Florida and extensive knowledge of the innerworkings of the online dating industry, Matt frequently serves in an advisory role to some of the largest dating apps on the market. In Matt’s current role with Healthy Framework, he leads the interview team that regularly interviews key dating industry leaders, and leverages his financial knowledge and dating app experience to review and share what singles need to know to get the most out of dating online.

The Pros and Cons of Online Dating

Is online dating killing romance.

Posted March 12, 2011

Letting Go By Holding On: Unresolved Family of Origin Issues and Alzheimer's Disease By Stephen J. Betchen D.S.W.

I just ran into my buddy Andy at a restaurant-—the kind of hip place you'd take a first date to impress her. Knowing he'd gone through a difficult divorce —one he didn't really want—I was pleased when he immediately introduced me to his new girlfriend, Carol. In my zeal to find out as much about Andy's good fortune as possible I innocently asked: "So, how'd you two meet?" No big deal right? Wrong. Andy and Carol turned to one another and began mumbling something indecipherable for what seemed to be an eternity. Realizing I stepped into something awkward I thought to myself: OMG they met in prison; or on a street corner. After a few seconds passed and all of our skin tones returned to a normal light pinkish color Carol responded: "Well, uh, we met online...that's right...online...yeah...on the computer." Okay, so it was a pretty good impression of Annie Hall, but why all the fuss? Isn't online dating the rave? Why are people embarrassed to admit they use this remarkable invention?

Most people I've interviewed prefer online dating to the bar scene because online dating offers a better chance of getting a first date. Post a reasonably attractive picture, sell your life's resume, and wait for the solicitations to pour in. A few e-mails and a telephone call or two will allow your personality to work for you—a real plus. In the bar scene it's all about your looks; you don't have the luxury of putting your best picture out there because—you're out there—in the flesh. And if you don't physically appeal to your target objective, forget about it; it won't matter if you've got Anderson Cooper's personality.

Many claim that online dating also reduces the odds of being humiliated. Makes sense; it's easier to endure rejection from afar rather than have someone laugh directly in your face. FYI: my female clients claim that it‘s a must for a woman to have a terrific picture to get online attention but it's not as important for a man to have one. This makes sense in part, because men tend to be more visual. But I do have a friend who refuses to post a picture for professional reasons and he rarely gets any reponses. In fact, one woman admonished him for not posting a picture: "If I have to put one up there you should to," she said.

Online dating is also convenient, or I should say as convenient as you'd like it to be. A female friend of mine would only date men who lived a minimum of one hour away—she liked the anonymity. Call me a wimp, but I get exhausted just visualizing a two-hour drive home in the wee hours of the morning following a date. Neverthless, most people tend to date someone within a few miles of their home. One woman told me that she loves dating a guy who lives close by because she can see him almost any time she wants without a "big production."

Another convenience of online dating is that you don't have to leave your house to get a date; kinda like Netflix® don't ya think? No need to drop a pound or two and drag yourself to a Happy Hour or a meet-up group. Nope; just a couple of taps on your keyboard and presto: Janine appears on your screen to tell you that she loves to laugh, isn't needy, loves her children more than life itself, and can find time to fit you into her mind-boggling schedule.

Online dating is also faster than waiting for your best friend to fix you up with her cousin, or someone from her yoga class. Heck, you don't even have to grieve a death or divorce; just jump right back in the mix and sort them out as you go along; sounds like take-out doesn't it?

And therein lies the problem from my perspective. Like anything else in life online dating has its pros and cons, but it's too damn fast, and when something comes too fast and comparably easy, we don't trust it—it can't be a good thing—it can't be authentic. Relationships should be less predictable and worth waiting for. We have too much control over a romantic process and in turn, we're killing the romance.

There was a time when you had to send couriers from your castle to your mate's castle and wait a month or so for a response. In the not too distant past there was a time when you had to mail a letter and wait two or three days to hear something; there was a time when you had to get off your ass and drive somewhere. Now you can order your partner over a machine.

I know online dating is necessary in our crazy fast-paced world; I, too, think it beats the bar scene; and I know your friend the tax attorney may not be able to fix you up until tax season is over; just sayin: I knew there was something disturbing about the Jetsons.

Stephen J. Betchen, D.S.W. , is the author of the book Magnetic Partners .

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Table of Contents

• 1. Americans’ personal experiences with online dating
• 2. Users of online dating platforms experience both positive – and negative – aspects of courtship on the web
• Acknowledgments
• Methodology

Online dating platforms have been scrutinized at times for the way they have contributed to dating culture and its safety , as well as how successful they are at finding people a suitable match . There are a slew of both troubling and love stories involving online dating.

This chapter explores how all Americans – not just those who have online dated – feel about the broader landscape and impact of online dating. To begin, Americans are more likely to describe online dating as having a neutral impact on dating and relationships, rather than a mostly positive or negative one. And when asked to share their views about the success of relationships that begin through online dating, just over half of U.S. adults agree that these relationships are just as successful as those that began offline.

Still, views about online dating do vary across demographic groups, as well as by people’s own personal experience with using these sites or apps. At the same time, there are some lingering concerns about the danger of meeting someone through a dating site or app. Americans are somewhat divided on whether these platforms are a safe way to meet people.

Half of Americans believe that online dating has had neither a positive nor negative effect on dating and relationships

When asked to share their views on the type of effect dating sites and apps have had on dating and relationships, 50% of Americans believe their effect has been neither positive nor negative. Meanwhile, 26% say online dating has had a mostly negative effect on dating and relationships, while 22% describe its effect as mostly positive.

Across demographic groups, larger shares of Americans feel as if online dating has had neither a positive nor negative effect on dating and relationships, but personal experience with online dating also is associated with more positive views of its impact. Some 29% of online dating users view its effect on dating and relationships as mostly positive, compared with 21% of those who never used a dating site or app.

At the same time, 30% of adults with at least a bachelor’s degree say that dating sites and apps have a mostly positive effect on dating relationships, compared with 18% of those with a high school education or less. These educational differences are present regardless of online dating use.

Americans cite a number of reasons – ranging from expanding options to success stories – as reasons these platforms have been a good thing for dating and relationships

The survey also asked an open-ended question to give respondents a chance to explain, in their own words, why they feel as if dating sites and apps have had a mostly positive or mostly negative effect on dating and relationships.

Among respondents who say dating sites and apps have had a mostly positive effect, 25% say it is because they have helped expand people’s dating pool. Many of these responses emphasize how online dating has made it easier to meet people outside of one’s normal social circle, thereby expanding their options:

“They allow people who wouldn’t have ever really crossed paths in person easier access to that possible ‘one’ that they otherwise wouldn’t have ever met.” (Woman, age 36)

“It widens the pool of available persons.” (Woman, age 64)

Others in this group cite the ability to evaluate people before meeting them in person (19%) or that it is generally an easier way to meet people who also are interested in dating (18%).

“You read people’s profiles and know what they are all about before reaching out to them. Cheaper than going on a date to find out the hard way.” (Man, age 43)

“Easy to meet people. Easy to break the ice. Easy to size up people to see if you would like to really date them.” (Woman, age 28)

Some 14% of these respondents also express that these platforms can connect people who are likeminded or have mutual interests, while 11% offer up success stories as a reason online dating has had a mostly positive impact on dating.

“It’s easier to find someone who shares your interest and values. Easier to identify what you have in common before you decide to pursue spending time together.” (Man, age 54)

“We have known untold numbers of now-married couples who met online. … It does shrink the world to help you meet wonderful people.” (Woman, age 75)

Relatively small shares argue that online dating has had a mostly positive effect because it is a more efficient way of meeting people, is a better alternative to more traditional ways of meeting, helps people who have trouble meeting others or is a safer way of meeting people.

Americans who believe online dating has had a mostly negative effect on dating and relationships are especially likely to stress issues related to dishonesty

There is a stronger consensus among respondents who believe dating sites and apps have had a mostly negative effect. By far the most common response (given by 37% of these respondents) mentions that these platforms are a venue for various forms of dishonesty – ranging from people embellishing the truth to outright scams.

“You only know what they want you to know. They lie about themselves to make themselves look good.” (Man, age 58)

“People give a description of who they want to be and not always how they really are. You can’t depend on everyone being honest about who they are on both the positive and negative sides.” (Woman, age 40)

“I found there are a lot of scammers on dating sites trying to take advantage of others.” (Woman, age 59)

Another 14% in this group mention that online dating has made courtship more impersonal and devoid of meaningful communication.

“People don’t act like themselves online. No one is actually getting to really know each other. Communication is flawed from the beginning.” (Woman, age 33)

“There is a constant influx of ‘new inventory.’ It’s made dating more of a shopping activity (consumerism) than an interpersonal experience (emotional). The ‘swipe right’ mentality starts to affect us in everyday life.” (Man, age 56)

And additional 11% say the traditional ways of meeting were better and online dating has prevented people from connecting in the physical world. Overall, people who answer in this theme feel that online dating is generally just a bad way to meet people:

“Profiling isn’t romantic. The slower process of meeting someone, the chase, maybe the game and the face-to-face learning about each other makes for deeper and lasting feelings.” (Man, age 72)

“The old-fashioned way of meeting people in person or getting introduced through friends seems more individualized.” (Woman, age 30)

Respondents also offer other reasons they believe online dating has negatively affected dating, including that it keeps people from settling down because there are too many options (10% say this), while another 10% criticize these platforms for encouraging casual relationships and hookups. Another 8% in this group attribute their negative views of online dating to safety concerns.

“It’s hard to work on a relationship or give a partner another chance when sites/apps are constantly promoting the message that you are surrounded by wonderful singles all the time. It makes you believe that there is always a better or easier option available.” (Woman, age 27)

“Those sites and apps are used more for hookups nowadays and the people on there are not seriously looking for a committed relationship.” (Woman, age 33)

“I find the whole thing just extremely odd. I think that it is actually rather dangerous to meet complete strangers that way. It’s too easy for serial killers, psychos, thieves and people that are up to no good to find new victims that way.” (Woman, age 47)

About half of Americans think online dating is a safe way to meet people – but this varies substantially by age, gender and personal experiences with dating sites and apps

Overall, Americans are somewhat divided on whether online dating is a safe way to meet someone. Roughly half of the public says that dating sites and apps are a very (3%) or somewhat (50%) safe way to meet people. Still, perceptions that online dating is a dangerous way to meet someone are fairly common. Some 46% of Americans believe meeting someone through online dating is not safe, including one-in-ten who say it is not at all a safe way to meet people.

Public perceptions about the safety of online dating vary substantially by personal experience. A majority of Americans who have ever used a dating site or app (71%) see it as a very or somewhat safe way to meet someone, compared with 47% of those who have never used these platforms.

There are other groups who also express concerns about the safety of online dating. Women are far more likely than men to say dating sites and apps are not a safe way meet to people (53% vs. 39%). And while 39% of adults under the age of 50 view online dating as unsafe, that share is 54% among those ages 50 and older.

Additionally, 57% of adults with a high school education or less think meeting someone through a dating platform is not safe, compared with just about a third of those with a bachelor’s or advanced degree (34%). There also are differences in views about online dating safety by race and ethnicity, as well as, by sexual orientation.

54% of the public says relationships where people first meet through a dating site or app are just as successful as those that begin in person

One of the central debates that emerged with the rise of online dating is whether courtships that begin online can be as successful and long-lasting as those forged in person.

When asked whether relationships where people first meet through an online dating site or app are generally more successful, less successful or just as successful as those that begin in person, 54% of Americans agree that these relationships are just as successful. Smaller shares – though still around four-in-ten (38%) – categorize these relationships as less successful, while relatively few Americans (5%) say relationships in which people first met through online dating are more successful than those that begin in person.

Larger shares of most groups believe relationships that start through dating sites or apps are just as successful as those that begin in person, but there are some Americans who are more skeptical of digitally forged relationships.

Again, views about online dating differ between those who have used these platforms and those who have not. Roughly four-in-ten Americans who have never online dated (41%) believe relationships that start off through dating platforms are less successful than those that begin in person, compared with 29% of those who have used a dating site or app.

Americans ages 50 and up are more likely than those under the age of 50 to say that relationships that first began through a dating site or app are less successful than relationships that started in person (43% vs. 34%). And adults who have a high school education or less are more likely than those with a bachelor’s or advanced degree to believe that these types of relationships are less successful when compared with those that begin in person (41% vs. 31%). There also are differences by sexual orientation. Some 39% of straight adults feel that relationships that began through online dating are less successful, while smaller shares of LGB adults (27%) hold this view.

This pattern is true even among those who have online dated. Among those who have used a dating site or app, older or straight adults are more likely than those who are younger or LGB to say relationships that start through dating sites and apps are less successful than those that start in person.

Americans who have had more success with online dating tend to view it more positively

Across several measures, online daters who have found a committed partner through these dating sites or apps tend to view these platforms in a more positive light. The same is true of how they rate their overall experience, as well as whether they’ve experienced some form of harassment while using these platforms.

Online dating users who have married or been in a committed relationship with someone they met online are more likely than those who haven’t to say that these platforms have had a mostly positive effect on dating and relationships overall (37% vs. 23%), or to view online dating as at least a somewhat safe way to meet people (79% vs. 66%). Online daters who have had success in finding committed relationships online also are more likely than those who haven’t to say relationships started through dating sites or apps are just as successful as those started offline (67% vs. 58%).

Users who had at least a somewhat positive experience overall using these platforms also are more likely to view them as having had a positive effect on dating and relationships, compared with those who have had a very or somewhat negative overall experience (39% vs. 14%). Differences in perceived safety also are present. Fully 82% of online daters who had a positive experience with dating sites or apps believe these platforms are a safe way to meet people, compared with 55% among those who categorize their overall online dating experience as negative.

Additionally, opinions about online dating vary by users’ own encounters with harassment on these platforms. Online daters who have experienced some form of harassment measured in this survey are more likely to say that online dating platforms have had a mostly negative effect on dating and relationships, compared with those who have not experienced harassment (30% vs. 20%). And while majorities of online daters, regardless of their experience with harassment, think of these platforms as a safe way to meet someone, those who personally have faced these negative interactions (66%) are less likely than those who haven’t to describe it as at least somewhat safe (77%).

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Pros and cons of online dating in later life.

As of 2013, half of adults ages 50-64 had a social media profile (Vandeweerd, Myers, Coulter, Yalcin, & Corvin, 2016) and today, a growing number of older adults are using online dating sites and apps to meet new people (Wada, Clarke, & Rozanova, 2015). Older adults who are divorced are significantly more likely to use these online dating sites than those who are widowed or have never married (AARP, 2012). Men are typically encouraged to use these sites by coworkers, while women are frequently encouraged by friends and family members (McWilliams & Barrett, 2014). Interestingly, one study cited by McWilliams and Barrett (2014) found that men see online dating as a way to quickly jump back into dating following the end of a relationship through death or divorce, whereas women use online sites as a way to ease into the idea of dating again.

As with most things, there are both positives and negatives associated with online dating. It is important to be aware of them in order to make an informed decision of whether to use or not use Internet sites to cultivate new relationships.

• Access to others – Because of retirement, relocation, and the deaths of family members and friends, one’s social network tends to shrink in later life (Alterovitz & Mendelsohn, 2011). Whereas living close by and having the physical ability to go out and socialize used to be prerequisites to meeting new people, online dating has decreased these geographical, transportation, and physical limitations, thus allowing for older adults to expand their social network to include potential dating partners. Online dating is also beneficial when other ways of meeting new people fail to work. For example, when trying to meet new people through one’s friends or the ways that worked when younger (e.g. church, clubs, bars) is not successful, online dating offers yet another opportunity (Vandeweerd, et al., 2016). This can be especially beneficial for divorced older adults who want to meet people outside of the network they knew with their ex-spouse, or when women need to expand their network because they feel uncomfortable dating the spouses of their late friends (McWilliams & Barrett, 2014). Even when online dating yields little success in creating new relationships, it is seen by some as the only way to connect with new people so they keep using it (Vandeweerd et al., 2016).
• Control – Older adults, especially women, often find that the sense of control they feel in online dating is a positive reason for taking this approach (Vandeweerd et al., 2016). Traditionally, men have initiated dating interactions, but online sites make it easier for women to make the first contact if they choose to do so. The online world also gives a sense of anonymity that takes away some of the feelings of vulnerability associated with initiating contact in person. One study found that more than 20% of initial contact on online dating sites was initiated by women, although the majority of initial interactions are still led by men. However, it is important to note though that the women using these sites may be more outgoing and proactive about dating than average women. Regardless, despite women’s hesitance to make the initial contact, they are still influential in the pacing and termination of relationships created online (McWilliams & Barrett, 2014). In addition to women feeling they have more control in initiating and maintaining online relationships, an AARP (2012) study found one of the top reasons people over 50 used online dating sites was because there was no pressure. They could respond if they wanted to, but they did not have to. This added to their sense of control over their dating lives.
• Safety – Due to the fact that the interaction taking place on dating sites happens online makes some feel safe. For example, online daters can view the profiles of potential partners and capture a general understanding of who a person is before ever initiating any form of contact. They can even “Google” the person using other sources to check the background of the person before deciding to initiate contact (Vandeweerd et al., 2016, p. 263). The online platform also allows individuals to limit how much personal information is shared and delay exchanging contact information until they get to know each other better, at which time they will have been able to assess the level of risk and evaluate the potential for the relationship before meeting in person. Many women feel that it would be easier online to part ways if a relationship did not work out and there would be less risk of physical retaliation (Vandeweerd et al., 2016).
• Friendship – Even though a romantic relationship may not work out, many women have found that friendship is one of the most positive outcomes of online dating. Some older adults decide to remain good friends after they realize that a romantic relationship will not work. This was especially found to be the case when the online daters lived in different states (Vandeweerd et al., 2016).
• Effort – Actively dating, whether in person or online, requires time and effort. However, the competitive nature of online dating requires regularly updating one’s profile and responding to messages, which was seen by some as a negative of online dating (Fileborn, Thorpe, Hawkes, Minichiello, & Pitts, 2015).
• Misrepresentations –Whereas older men look for an attractive physical appearance and youthfulness in the women they choose to date, women, in general, are less concerned with looks and instead pay attention to the socioeconomic status, occupational success, intelligence, and communication skills of the men they choose to date (Fileborn et al., 2015; McWilliams & Barrett, 2014; Wada et al., 2015). It is natural to want to appear as attractive as possible in these areas in order to bolster one’s chances of finding a dating partner; however, this often leads people to misrepresent themselves as far as their age, weight, health, and pictures go (Vandeweerd et al., 2016). Some try to create a youthful identity (and look for a youthful identity in others) in order to bring a sense of balance to their aging body but youthful mind, emphasizing how old they feel. For example, one man commented that he rejects the profiles of women who list hobbies that are often associated with being old, such as bingo (McWilliams & Barrett, 2014). Some men lie about their marital status or the type of relationship they want in order to attract more women to have sex with them. Scammers attempt to woo potential dating partners into relationships in order to eventually get money from them (Vandeweerd et al., 2016). The disabled and elderly are especially at risk to be targeted (Hategan, Bourgeois, Parthasarathi, & Ambrosini, 2016). Because of the ease with which online daters could misrepresent themselves, making it difficult to get to know someone until meeting them in- person, these meetings are seen by some as being risky (Vandeweerd et al., 2016).
• Unwanted sexual messages – Older adults are not necessarily against sexual contact, but when sexual messages are sent too soon after meeting someone, they often make the recipient uncomfortable. These messages were reported more as unwanted than threatening though (Vandeweerd et al., 2016).
• Negative experiences – Just as with meeting people in-person, there is always a chance for negative occurrences with online dating. According to a 2013 Pew Internet study of adults using online dating, 42% of women reported having been contacted by someone who made them feel harassed or uncomfortable (cited in Vandeweerd et al., 2016). Unfortunately, those who are harassed online may be less likely to report it though out of fear that it will not be taken seriously or that it will be seen as commonplace online. Older adults have reported being scared, uncomfortable, threatened, stalked, or abused (verbally, physically, and/or sexually) by the people that they have met online. Some women prefer to drive themselves when they go on in-person dates with those they have met online so they do not end up trapped in a bad situation with no way out. It is especially important for older adults to be vigilant in dating because the risks of dating and intimate partner violence, including financial exploitation, threats, and physical harm, are higher among older adults (Vandeweerd et al., 2016).
• Lack of success – While some older adults do meet people online with whom they can create lasting romantic relationships, it unfortunately seems that most are unsuccessful (Fileborn et al., 2015). Several reasons have been cited for the lack of success, such as not being able to find any one “worth” dating (Vandeweerd et al., 2016, p. 265), the lack of responses to messages or dates not showing up for in-person meetings, having great online interactions but finding there is no chemistry when they met in person, not being attractive enough due to aging, the lack of new profiles after online dating for several years, and the impersonal and superficial nature of online dating. However, seeing others succeed in finding a partner gives enough hope for many to keep trying (Vandeweerd et al., 2016).

To summarize, there are several pros and cons to online dating. Some of the positives include growing a social network, gaining new friends and having a sense of safety and control. However, some of the drawbacks to dating online include the time, effort, lack of success, unwanted sexual messages, and the risk of people misrepresenting themselves. Nevertheless, in this age of technology, there are so many new opportunities, including online dating for adults in later life. It is important to weigh the positives and negatives and decide for oneself if this approach to meeting people is worth it. Online dating allows access to more people, a sense of control and safety, and friendship, but also requires effort, putting up with peoples’ misrepresentations of themselves, and being willing to face the risks of having unwanted negative experiences or not finding someone.

• Alterovitz, S. S.-R. & Mendelsohn, G. A. (2011). Partner preferences across the lifespan: Online dating by older adults. Psychology of Popular Media Culture, 1(S), 89-95.
• American Association of Retired Persons [AARP]. (2012). AARP online dating survey. Retrieved from https://www.aarp.org/content/dam/aarp/research /surveys_statistics/ general/2012/AARP-OnlineDating-Survey-AARP.pdf
• Fileborn, B., Thorpe, R., Hawkes, G., Minichiello, V., & Pitts, M. (2015). Sex and the (single) older girl: Experiences of sex and dating in later life. Journal of Aging Studies, 33, 66-75.
• Hategan, A., Bourgeois, J. A., Parthasarathi, U., & Ambrosini, D. L. (2016). Counseling geriatric patients about opportunity and risk when ‘digital dating.’ Current Psychiatry, 15(7), 75-7.
• McWilliams, S. & Barrett, A. E. (2014). Online dating in middle and later life: Gendered expectations and experiences. Journal of Family Issues, 35(3), 411-36.
• Vandeweerd, C., Myers, J., Coulter, M., Yalcin, A., & Corvin, J. (2016). Positives and negatives of online dating according to women 50+. Journal of Women & Aging, 28(3), 259-270.
• Wada, M., Clarke, L. H., & Rozanova, H. (2015). Constructions of sexuality in later life: Analyses of Canadian magazine and newspaper portrayals of online dating. Journal of Aging Studies, 32, 40-49.

Jennifer Viveros ; Dr. David Schramm

David Schramm

Family Life Specialist

Human Development & Family Studies Dept

Related Research

Dating in Later Life

No one likes to be alone, and that includes older adults. If you are over the age of 65 and do not have a spouse/partner who lives with you, some of the following research and tips may be helpful for you.

The Advantages and Disadvantages of Online Dating

This article discusses the advantages and disadvantages of online dating and the search for the perfect date / mate.

Many people today are turning to the internet as a tool for finding a partner . The Internet has strong advantages but there are some serious pitfalls .

Advantages of Dating Online

A "surfer" can immediately focus on people with similar interests, beliefs, age and other important criteria without having to spend time and money "going for coffee." Non-matching people can be sidestepped without ever needing to make contact. It's "partner shopping" in a global supermarket of humanity.

Meaningful dating can be done at a distance, even in other countries.

Relating thru writing (emailing) is a quick and efficient way to learn a lot about a person and how they tick, with minimum initial commitment or investment face-to-face and is the heart of effective online dating.

Disadvantages of Dating Online

If a "surfer" is not witty or doesn't write well, online dating can be difficult.

Prospects often circulate constantly thru a host of sites. The Internet offers unlimited options. This can make for cynical or dismissive prospects with little care for how their rejections or non-contact affects the feelings of others. It can be a conveyor belt.

Most humans are addicted to initial flirtations and the "drug" of being liked, appreciated and wanted. The Internet is an illusion of meeting. The connection is based on internalized and selfish feelings, often projections of what we are looking for, rather than what the other person is actually like.

This approach can morph people into the commodities of others' consumption.

The superficiality of the Internet

Physical attraction is fickle. Individuals can be intensely "in love" one minute, and not at all later, simply based on appearance. Often, people are in love with "being in love" not with you at all.

Photos can mislead. It's good advice to ask for many photographs, so if physical attractiveness is important to you, a balanced look at someone over time and in many contexts is achieved. People look very different in different photos. Don't project an illusion of a person from one image.

Painful Online Romance versus True Love

True love is solid, reliable and unconditional. People can learn to receive and give true love.

This approach goes against almost everything our body, mind and the Net convinces us is real. The most pain, hurt, brokenness and distress caused online by people attempting to find the divine within each other, is a misunderstanding about the voracity of emotional online connection, and an abandonment of what true love really is.

Robin Williams says to Matt Damon in the movie " Good Will Hunting " (Miramax, 1997), "it's not about whether you are perfect for her, or she is perfect for you...are you perfect for each other?...none of us are perfect."

Missing True Love While Waiting For Mr/Ms Perfect

Online daters often bypass wonderful prospects of enduring love in exchange for the endless anticipation of finding a "right" person who will be perfect. The Internet feeds this hope. It is a forlorn and hopeless vacuum. A better way is to find perfect love within, and give that unconditionally to another imperfect human being (to whom you are, or are not, at times, "attracted").

Consider using the Internet as a doorway to real life and real engagement with actual human beings, sovereign and independent of your wants and needs.

APA Reference Staff, H. (2021, December 17). The Advantages and Disadvantages of Online Dating, HealthyPlace. Retrieved on 2024, April 19 from https://www.healthyplace.com/relationships/online-relationships/the-advantages-and-disadvantages-of-online-dating

Medically reviewed by Harry Croft, MD

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What is online dating?

Online dating is finding a romantic partner using the internet, typically through a dating app or a website. According to a study from Stanford , meeting online has become the most popular way for American couples to connect. Online dating is here to stay and will only continue to grow. (It’s even inspired a new category of apps for people looking for friends .)

But just because online dating has majorly picked up in popularity doesn’t mean it has to be your jam. Though it may work out for others, it may not work out for you.

When dating online, you’re prone to scams, fraud, or other kinds of deception . The truth is, whenever you sign up for a dating service, chances are you’re also relinquishing your privacy to a significant degree.

Whether you’re new to online dating or just want to jump back into the scene, we have some safety tips and common red flags to set you off on a fun, yet safe, online dating experience.

Pros and cons of online dating 12 online dating safety tips Common online dating red flags Popular online dating apps FAQ: About online dating

Pros and cons of online dating

Like traditional dating, online dating comes with many advantages and unforeseeable challenges. Let’s go through both pros and cons of online dating to see if it’s up your alley.

Pros of online dating

Online dating lets you meet new people at the convenience of your couch or anywhere with an internet connection. This provides flexibility for those who don’t have the time to meet people. The signup process is also pretty straightforward: Just upload a few photos of yourself and write out a biography, and you’re all set!

Variety of potential partners

Online dating brings you potential partners with different personality types and hobbies. It gives you the opportunity to meet people who you wouldn’t otherwise encounter in your daily life.

No need to dress up for online dating

When you find a match, you’ll likely start chatting with them over texts or calls. Until you decide to meet up in person, you don’t have to spend the time and effort to dress up to make an impression.

You’re more relaxed

With online dating, you don’t even have to leave the comfort of your home. You can also respond to your matches’ texts whenever you want to. It’s all in your hands: There is no obligation to check in with each other daily, and you can just end the conversation at any time, no big deal.

Lower fear of rejection

Before online dating, you had to walk up to strangers at a bar to get a date. The discomfort of getting rejected right in the face by someone you showed feelings for is almost unavoidable. If you’re rejected by your fellow online daters, the stakes are much lower since you’ve never met that person in real life—and probably won’t, if that matters.

Suitable for shy people

Not everyone is comfortable with approaching strangers at a bar or party. For what it’s worth, talking to strangers can be anxiety-inducing to some. Online dating is helpful because you can stay behind a screen and don’t need to put yourself out there.

Connect to more potential partners at once

With numerous dating apps and sites on the market, you’re presented with more options for potential partners than ever before. Unlike traditional dating, you are at liberty to talk to or meet as many of your online matches as you want. Chances are your fellow daters are doing the same thing.

Online dating has become socially accepted

We all live such busy lives nowadays, reducing our chances of meeting someone compatible. As more people turn to online dating to find their match, the stigma that was attached to online dating in the past is quickly fading.

Cons of online dating

May attract the wrong types of people.

People’s reasoning for swiping right or left on dating apps is mostly based on attractiveness and what you can offer. If you’re an attractive or wealthy individual, your online matches may only be interested in your good looks and money, but not your personality. This means you may end up attracting the wrong types of people and wasting your time.

People often don’t look like their pictures

Many people enhance their photos slightly to make them look better on their dating profile. But some take it to the next level and alter their photos to the point where they look nothing like they are in real life. Even if a photo was accurate, it could be from many years ago.

If you’re in doubt about the accuracy of someone’s photos, initiate a video call with them before asking to meet up. Although they can still use a filter on video calls, you should be able to make a better judgment from there. When meeting your online date in person, don’t expect them to look exactly the same as in their photos.

Harder to connect

With online dating, the whole meet-and-greet takes place through a screen. You’ll exchange some texts on a regular basis or hop on a phone call to get to know each other better. But since all communications are taking place digitally (at least early on), it’s harder to build up the same connection that you would have gotten through traditional dating where you can look each other in the face, and share eye contact and a few laughs.

More dependent on looks

With little other information to go by, your online matches can only gauge their interest based on how you look. If you care less about superficial attributes, online dating may not work out for you.

Online dating can be costly

While most dating apps and sites are free to download, many require you to pay a monthly subscription to chat with and get more matches. Be prepared to throw in a few extra dollars if you use extended features like sending virtual gifts or browsing matches from another country.

Fake personal profiles

Not all profiles are real: Attackers and scammers can easily sign up for a dating profile. Instead of looking for love, they’re looking to steal your personal information, sell things to you, or worse, scam you for money. Read on to learn about common red flags for a fake profile.

Many people do not have serious intentions

You probably have a few friends who met their significant other through an online dating app or site. While many have successfully tied the knot with their online match, the truth is—many people on dating apps or sites are not looking for a relationship. Some are there to look for sexual partners, sell things to you, or scam you for money. Expect the least, so you don’t get disappointed.

Harder to maintain relationships through online dating

Online dating platforms provide an abundance of potential partners. People can easily cut ties with the ones they’re talking to and swipe on new matches at their fingertips. There’s usually no commitment involved, at least during the early stage of communication, it’s harder to maintain or grow a relationship when people know there are plenty of fish in the pool.

Privacy concerns related to online dating

Dating apps and sites aren’t just about sharing your information with swiping singles. A report released by the Norwegian Consumer Council reported that popular dating apps—including OkCupid, Grindr , and Tinder—are disclosing “dating choices and precise location to advertising and marketing companies.” In addition, OkCupid, Coffee Meets Bagel, and Jack’d have all reported data breaches in the past.

12 online dating safety tips

1. choosing the best dating app for you.

The first step to choosing the best dating app is to ensure it’s not a fake app meant to look like the real thing. As for fake apps, we’ve collated a list of clues you can use to spot them.

Check the download count

Popular dating apps like Tinder can easily have thousands of downloads, if not millions. If you see a popular app with a surprisingly low download count, it’s an obvious red flag.

Check the app icon

Fake apps will also display an app icon that looks similar to a real one, usually by usingthe same color and shape. It plays on our familiarity with these brands so we won’t question their legitimacy.

Take note of the release date

Most popular apps have already been on the market for a while. So if you see a popular app that was only recently released, it’s likely it’s a fake app.

Read the reviews

It’s always wise to read the app’s reviews before downloading it. Here’s how reviews can give away whether an app is fake or not.

• If an app is fake, users usually complain about it in the review section.
• If the reviews sound too good to be true, the app is probably fake, too. Needless to say, those are fake reviews created by fake app creators.

Research the developer’s name

Every app has a developer, which is essentially the company that created the app. Fake apps can use a developer name that has a similar spelling to its original counterpart. When in doubt, research the developer’s name to find out more about them.

Look out for typos and grammar mistakes

Typos and grammatical mistakes should be uncommon with legitimate app developers, as they usually have a team of editors taking care of the copy before releasing their apps. If an app you’re trying to download has an obvious typo or grammar mistake in the app name or app description, it’s probably fake.

Review the app permissions

We can all agree that terms of service agreements are boring to read! But when you’re in doubt of the legitimacy of an app, be mindful of the permissions you’re asked to give. Fake apps often have strange and unrelated app permissions requests. For example, a photo editing app asking for your contact list is definitely a red flag.

2. Sign up with a throwaway email address

When signing up for a dating service, there are plenty of reasons to keep your real email address private. Maybe you just hate being bombarded with dating-related missives, or perhaps you don’t want your email address linked to your profile on the off chance their database is hacked. Regardless, it’s a good general rule to use a burner email for any service that you don’t fully trust. And no matter how easy or convenient it seems, definitely don’t sign up using your Facebook, Twitter, or Instagram credentials if you can avoid it.

3. Take your conversation outside the app

This advice may seem counterintuitive at first glance, but as long as you are using an end-to-end encrypted messaging app that doesn’t require you to give out your personal phone number, it’s actually a safer bet. The alternative—having all your chats saved on a dating app’s servers—gives the service free rein to scan all your private messages and puts your conversation history at risk of being leaked in a data breach.

Multiple dating apps have also been found to be lacking encryption. This means that others on the same network as you (say, your company’s IT department if you’re on work Wi-Fi or someone on the same cafe hotspot ) could possibly uncover whose profile you’ve viewed, which way you’re swiping, and even what photos and messages you’re sending.

Some secure messaging apps such as Telegram and Wire don’t require your phone number to use. If you have a preferred service that is phone number-based, like Signal, The Intercept has a full guide on how to create an account without revealing your personal phone number.

4. Limit how much location data is shared

In 2017 , a journalist asked Tinder for her data and received 800 pages of information related to her use of the app. That is unsurprising considering that most dating apps are collecting all sorts of information as you swipe, type, and meet up with online matches. Dating apps also collect continuous, real-time location data, posing a significant privacy risk. In March 2020, the U.S. government forced the Chinese firm that owned Grindr to sell the service over national security concerns, including the potential that Beijing could track American officials’ movements or influence them based on their dating habits.

Even if you’re not a national security risk, it’s good to check the privacy settings of your dating app and limit access. If possible, use dating apps via the website on your desktop computer, rather than on a mobile app. This will help limit the location data that the service can gather. Companies also use details like IP addresses to figure out the location of their users, so using a proxy will help to hide your physical location by obfuscating your real IP.

5. Use different photos for your dating profile

Also avoid using the same photos used for your social media account profile pictures, as a Google image search would lead someone to your social account or confirm your identity. Better yet, use different photos for each profile if you’re on more than one dating app.

6. Avoid connecting with suspicious profiles

If the person you’ve matched with doesn’t have a biography and has few to no photos, it’s probably a fake account trying to scam you.

7. Be wary of opening attachments or links

Did your online match just send you an attachment or URL when you were least expecting it? Although it can seem harmless enough, it could spread malware onto your device once clicked or opened.

8. Block and report suspicious users

If a match keeps pushing for your personal information, harassing you, or just making you feel uncomfortable in any way, do not hesitate to block and report them straight away.

9. Keep your personal information private

If your online matches already know your name and age, there’s no need to give them more of your personal information, like your phone number and where you live. Also, don’t give them your social media handles just yet, as that enables them to track your identity.

10. Don’t respond to requests for financial help

Your matches may tell you they’re in need of money because their loved one just passed away or they had an emergency. No matter how convincing their reason can seem, never respond to any kind of financial request. Even if their reason is genuine, you’re not obliged to help someone you don’t even know. If you get such a request, report it to the app or site you’re using to keep others safe.

11. Video chat before you meet up in person

After matching with a potential date and chatting, schedule a video chat with them before meeting up in person. This is a good way to verify your match is the same person they claim to be in their profile.

12. Meet in a public place

Meeting in a secluded location can sound adventurous to some, but for the first date, it’s best to choose a safe public place with plenty of other people around. If your date turns out to be dangerous, you can get help in your immediate surroundings. Here are some more tips to follow before and when arriving on a date:

Tell a friend where you’re going

Logic will tell you that you shouldn’t go on a date with someone you have doubts about. But if you still want to give it a shot, you should at the very least let a close friend know where and when you plan to go on your date, and how long you expect to be out.

Don’t drink a pre-ordered drink

If you’ve arrived on your date and see a drink already served, do not drink it. There’s a chance that it’s been spiked. Make up an excuse that the drink isn’t suited to your taste and order a new one instead.

Stick to what you’re most comfortable with

Doing something that’s out of your comfort zone can be a rewarding experience in general, but probably not on your first date. It’s best to stick to what you’re most comfortable with to feel the best about yourself and keep a cool head.

Trust your instincts

If something feels off, it usually is. Trust your instincts and don’t be afraid to cut your date short. On any occasion, your comfort and safety should come first.

Common online dating red flags

Doesn’t respect boundaries.

Is your online match constantly pushing you to meet up? Are they always asking you to share your personal information like your phone number or Instagram handle? People should respect the boundaries you set, and more so if you haven’t met them yet. If they don’t respect your boundaries, it’s probably best to move on.

Won’t ever meet up in person

Are they never up for making plans although they say they’re interested? Do they say they have a busy schedule or suddenly have to be out of town for work? If they never seem to want to meet you in person, chances are they have a hidden agenda or aren’t interested in you.

In addition, scammers will act interested in going on a date with you to keep you around. As soon as you give them what they want, they’ll cancel on you and vanish from the radar.

Immediately asks for your personal information

Scammers will skip the small talk and ask for your number or email right away. At a minimum, they can sell your information and send spam calls or emails your way. Worse, they can contact services and pretend to be you to take control of your accounts.

Suspiciously perfect profile

Fake profiles will look “perfect” to draw you in. They typically look like models and use photos that depict a lavish lifestyle, like resorts, supercars, and private jets. Their biography will say they’re famous, rich, or even royal. Their intention is to make you drop your guard and do what they tell you to do. If it looks too good to be true, it probably is.

A profile lacking detail

Dating profiles that have most of the parts blank can mean two things: The person isn’t looking for something serious, or it’s a fake profile in disguise. Scammers fishing for targets are probably running their cons on multiple platforms at once and don’t have the time to write out each profile. This can also be intentional to “weed out” people who would be unlikely to fall for their scam.

Evasive about questions

Scammers have no interest in having an exchange or a conversation with you. They’ll dodge questions and escalate the romance to make you fall for them and do what they want. They also know the more questions they answer, the more likely they won’t keep their story straight and will give themselves away.

Asks for risky pictures

Someone who is genuinely interested in getting to know you is likely to develop conversations with you instead of asking for your explicit photos. Sending sexual content to someone you don’t even know is also dangerous.

Professes their love for you too soon

Scammers will shower you with affection to win your trust. They’ll give you plenty of compliments or tell you you’re “the one” or their “soulmate” before getting to know you.

Asks for money or gifts

Scammers will make you feel bad for them with a sob story about the recent death of a close one and ask you for some kind of financial support. They will also tell you their birthday has just passed and ask you for gifts to show that you’re serious about them.

Popular online dating apps

Match is a dating site which can also be accessed through an app. As the first dating website which was founded in 1995, Match follows a more traditional pathway for online dating where members search through others’ profiles and send messages. You can use the free version or pay a subscription fee to use more features.

Tinder, founded in 2012, is the biggest dating app in the market. It lets users browse through online profiles through swiping: swipe left to pass and right to like. It turned online dating from a laborious process into a fun one, changing the way people date and find relationships. Although Tinder has had its success, it’s believed to be geared more toward casual sex rather than serious relationships.

Kippo is a dating app for gamers. It has a virtual world within its app called the Kippoverse, which lets users go on virtual dates and participate in shared experiences.

Bumble was founded by the cofounder of Tinder and is the second-biggest dating app in the market. Similar to Tinder, Bumble uses swiping to indicate a preference, but female users are required to send the first message to their matches to start the conversation.

Clover dating app

The Clover dating app claims to be a hybrid of swipe-apps and compatibility-focused apps, pulling features from other dating apps. However, many of the features are hidden behind a paygate.

Hinge is a U.S. based dating app that works similarly to Tinder and Bumble. Hinge has a more modern, visual interface that is appealing to an elite demographic.

Most importantly: Don’t do online what you wouldn’t do offline

Dating apps are often compared to bars full of singles. If that’s the case, those bars are run by some real creeps. Would you let a bar manager follow you everywhere you go? Or entrust them with all your private photos? Wouldn’t you prefer to step outside to chat if you saw that the bartender and other patrons were recording all your flirty conversations?

Whether at a bar or online, dating requires you to put yourself out there a bit—but you should have control over how much. Take stock of where your online dating data is going, who has access to it, and how it may be used. And if all else fails, take your romantic quest offline like the remaining 61% of couples.

FAQ: About online dating

Is online dating worth it.

Online dating is worth a try if you are shy or generally have a hard time meeting new people in your daily life. You can meet an array of options for potential partners at the convenience of your couch or anywhere. Online dating should work out just as fine as traditional dating. You just need to set realistic expectations and know how to identify red flags.

Is safe dating verification legit?

Dating verification is a protocol for verifying users on dating platforms are who they claim to be, but third-party services are often scams for taking your credit card number for malicious purposes. To stay safe, stick to the in-app verification services provided by the online dating platform.

What is the safest dating site?

Scammers use photos of attractive-looking people to increase your desire to talk to them. They can also use photos that depict a lavish lifestyle, like resorts, supercars, and private jets to make you drop your guard. If in doubt, you can try performing a reverse image search on a search engine; you might just find the photo’s actual source.

Are free dating apps safe to use?

Most popular dating apps like Tinder and Bumble are free and are considered safe to use. That said, the danger doesn’t lie with the dating platforms but with the people you meet there, as scammers can pose themselves as regular users and look to do harm to you.

What does dating on Roblox mean?

Roblox is an online game platform for meeting friends and chatting, with a target audience under the age of 16. These are kids who are most likely discovering what dating is and Roblox is a perfect testing ground for them. However, Roblox prohibits its players from seeking romantic relationships on the platform.

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If You’re Dating Right Now, You’re Brave

“Why am I even doing this?” We’ve all heard this question before. It is a question that often gets raised in my work with people who are dating to find long-term partners. It’s a question that comes from people of all genders, orientations, backgrounds, and socioeconomic statuses, and from clients who are using dating apps as well as those who have eschewed them. Perhaps you’ve even asked this question to yourself.

It feels, in many ways, that dating is the hardest it has ever been. And while so many understand the long-term benefits of partnership, it’s the interpersonal work that they have to put into the process that can outweigh the potential of having the ongoing emotional support of a loving partner.

Modern dating means learning how to be comfortable with being uncomfortable, standing firmly in your beliefs, and navigating the beliefs of others in very politically divided times—all the while cycling through the countless disappointments of app dating. These days, getting and staying motivated to date even when it feels hard—and people are difficult to deal with— is recognized as an achievement in and of itself. It’s the age of “Dating People When You Hate People”—and it’s time we take a closer look at the social structures and movements that are creating this less-than-optimal dating landscape.

After suffering the collective trauma of the COVID-19 pandemic, some of us rushed out to be social and get re-connected to the world at large. But others have grown accustomed to having their relationships and social communication take place from the comfort of their home and smartphones. A 2023 review of studies about anxiety and the pandemic showed social anxiety levels increased as pandemic restrictions lessened. That means that regular social interactions, even with people we know and love, have felt harder now for some people, especially those who suffered from general anxiety before restrictions were put in place.

If those situations increase anxiety, think about how meeting new people or putting oneself out there for dating might feel. Some of my clients express anxiety at the idea that all of the effort they’re putting in will actually result in them meeting people in person, which is, I remind them, ultimately what they want. We often discuss ways for managing anxiety, or recognizing it in others, so that dates can go a bit more smoothly.

Another source of stress for daters is finding people with whom they are politically aligned. Vaccination status became a political talking point where daters debated public health and individual freedom. Racial tensions in the wake of George Floyd's murder in May 2020 have made daters hypervigilant when meeting new people and matching on the apps. They want to find partners who are sympathetic to their political ideologies and minimize their interactions with people with opposing views. As we move closer to the rematch between Donald Trump and Joe Biden, daters are weighing political affiliation more heavily when selecting partners.

Historically, online dating has resulted in more interracial and interreligious relationships , but it remains to be seen how the apps will impact the rates of people selecting partners across political lines. We may see further polarization—daters want to know where you stand on a wide range of issues. Dating apps have responded to this need by adding features like profile badges and stickers that signal everything from vaccination status to personal identities and causes that are not just important to daters, but non-negotiables in partnership.

Read More: Would You Date Someone With Different Political Beliefs? Here’s What a Survey of 5,000 Single People Revealed

But all of this adds layers onto an already emotionally draining process; Do you, for instance, pass on someone who looks politically aligned but who hasn’t explicitly stated their political values in their profile? Do you take that extra step to bring up politics right when you match, or do you risk your time and energy on someone who you may not share the same values as you? For a lot of daters, this layer of calculation is added to every single swipe, which increases the energy expended on these decisions. Some might argue that it’s good to take your time to thoughtfully consider each person, but the sheer volume of these decisions on apps is on a scale unheard of until fairly recently. It’s also one of the reasons why so many people experience dating burnout.

For all of the potential benefits of technology bringing disparate daters together to form long lasting love, the overall feeling about dating right now is defeatist. Things feel particularly daunting in heterosexual dating. My male clients feel challenged by how to present themselves and are wary of what topics are off limits, being careful not to seem overly aggressive or creepy. They also experience fewer matches on the apps than women do, which can feel disheartening. I recently spun this as a positive to a client. He was distraught by how few matches he was receiving, but I reminded him that as someone who has anxiety, maybe managing one to two connections a month was better for him in the long run. This didn’t take the sting of feeling like he isn’t being chosen away, though.

My female clients express disappointment in the men with whom they match, citing low communication engagement, ambivalence when it comes to commitment, and a general inability to be appropriately emotionally vulnerable. While the dominant cultural narrative is that single women are just too picky and need to lower their expectations, according to American Survey Center research, for women “dating expectations refer less to a laundry list of must-have qualities and more to basic standards of how they wish to be treated.” This deep sense that women will never meet a partner who can provide a basic level of respect is leading some women to contemplate opting out of dating entirely , and indefinitely. So many women I’ve worked with feel a deep sense of despair at their prospects of meeting a man who will express consistent interest, honor his commitments, show up to dates, and be good to them. They do the work of sorting through matches only to be let down over and over again for what seem to be basic standards of dating.

The effort that is required of today’s dater far surpasses that of previous generations. There are more challenges to starting the process as social barriers feel higher and higher. There are also more ways to feel caught in a loop of trial and error as the tools we use for romantic connection only seem to find more ways to keep us apart. But in times when dating feels draining and inhumane, it’s important to keep things in perspective—finding a romantic partner may be tough, but there are other relationships that singles have that can support them as they make their way through the dating trenches. Many daters turn to trusted friends to help connect them to potential romantic partners . Or they take breaks from dating to refocus on themselves and their mental health. As someone who sees what it’s like on the ground as daters navigate their personal challenges and those placed on them by society, I can say these are the bravest and most resilient daters we’ve seen yet.

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