how to end an essay on jealousy

Essays About Jealousy: Top 11 Examples and Writing Prompts

Jealousy is an undesirable yet persistent feeling throughout our lives; if you want to write essays about jealousy, read the essay examples and writing prompts featured in our guide.

It is only human to envy what others have from time to time: their money, house, and relationships. However, there is only so far you can go until jealousy becomes toxic and detrimental to your well-being. We must control our jealousy, stop thinking of others’ fortune, and focus on ourselves. 

Despite its negative effects, jealousy is an intrinsic feeling in humanity, inspiring writers, artists, and directors throughout the centuries. This feeling is at the core of some of the most fantastic literature of all time: William Shakespeare’s Hamlet and Othello , William Golding’s Lord of the Flies , and F. Scott Fitzgerald’s The Great Gatsby . 

You can start by reading these examples to write insightful essays about jealousy. 

1. Jealousy Is a Wasted Emotion by Joshua Fields Millburn

2. listen to what your jealousy is telling you by vivian nunez, 3. jealousy, envy are reflections of insecurity by john stathas, 4.  lenten reflection -how envy hurts us by james sano.

• 5. ​​Why I Refuse to Be Jealous of My Partners’ Exes by Nancy Einhart

Writing Prompts on Essays about Jealousy

1. what is jealousy , 2. what causes jealousy, 3. how jealousy can affect your mental health, 4. how can you control your jealousy, 5. jealousy in literature and popular culture, 6. your experience with jealousy.

“The easiest way to turn jealousy off is to stop questioning other people’s intentions. We often get jealous because we think a person meant one thing by their actions, when they meant something totally different. And the truth is that you’ll never know someone’s real intent, so it’s a waste of time to question it.

In his essay, Millburn writes about how to avoid jealousy and its adverse effects. It enforces standards in which we all try to be a certain way, free from individuality, and is terrible for people’s emotional health. But unlike most other emotions, we can “turn it off.” Millburn says we should stop being so critical of others’ intentions and give them the benefit of the doubt. 

“But I’ve slowly made peace with the fact that my jealousy will always be a part of me. I’ve started finding solace in this envy. Lately, for example, I’ve been feeling jealous of those who have childhood homes they can go back to. I wish my boyfriend and I and our dog could go see my mom and have her fold us into her home while we figured out the next steps of our lives.”

Nunez takes a different approach to jealousy in this essay; rather than trying to purge it, she writes that we should let it guide us as with all other emotions. We are only human, after all. According to her, jealousy is a reflection of our most vulnerable side, and we should not try to purge it if we want to be healthy. Nunez gives examples from her childhood in which ignoring her jealousy affected her badly.

“If envy is your problem, examine what is that all about.  What is missing in your life that causes you to envy something of another? What in you needs to be added or shored up? A healthy person does not allow envy to sully one’s soul.”

In a way echoing the statements of Nunez, Stathas discusses how jealousy reveals one’s fear, insecurity, and anxiety. However, he believes jealousy and envy can ruin your life if left unchecked. One possible solution is talking to the person inciting such jealousy and asking for reassurance; however, this is not for everyone, and it can be enough to focus on oneself merely. 

“It is interesting that other sins promise at least some sort of short-term returns to us, but envy offers none.  Envy can corrode our hearts, weaken our minds, and destroy our peace.  It only brings sadness and anger, and we lose our orientation towards Christ, who died of self for love of others.  Envy is the opposite of love, as true love is an unconditional willing of the good for another. ‘Love your neighbor, as yourself.’”

Sano writes his essay from a religious perspective, discussing jealousy in the context of the Bible and sin. Jealousy or envy is a toxic trait that makes us unhappy about others’ achievements and is considered a grave sin. Sano gives some examples of parables about envy and writes that if we learn to love others as we love ourselves, we can get rid of the envy in our hearts. 

5. ​​ Why I Refuse to Be Jealous of My Partners’ Exes by Nancy Einhart

“When I see people consumed by jealousy about their partners’ pasts, I feel bad for them. Jealously doesn’t make your relationship more stable or build trust in your relationship; in fact, it can erode trust in a poisonous way. So resolve to fight your jealous instinct, because your life will be fuller without it, and you might even make a friend along the way.”

In her essay, Einhart details possible reasons for her to be jealous and why she actively rejects jealousy in her life. Rather than being jealous of her partner’s relationships with his exes, she is grateful that these people made her partner into who he is today. She also recalls her divorced parents’ friendship with each others’ exes or new partners, as well as her friendship with her ex-boyfriend’s wife. Jealousy is a waste of time and energy that could better be directed toward strengthening a relationship. 

An excellent essay to write can talk about your thoughts on jealousy. First, define jealousy, then reflect on your experiences with this feeling and what it means to you- when have you been jealous before? How did it make you feel? You can also briefly touch on its causes and effects, but do not go too in-depth. Do not base your essay on the experiences of others; it should reflect your own experiences. 

From happy relationships to a new car to outstanding academic achievements- there are many possible causes of jealousy. Your essay can examine why people may be jealous and how they relate to one another. If you wish, give examples of instances in which others were jealous for reasons mentioned in your essay. 

Most of the time, jealousy is destructive to one’s mental health. Research on the adverse effects of jealousy: in what ways can jealousy hinder you? Write about how jealousy can affect your well-being and give concrete examples. Be sure to cite credible sources, as this topic has been the subject of much research. 

Since jealousy affects your mental health negatively, it is essential to be able to resist or at least control it. Your essay can advise readers on regulating jealousy or keeping it from consuming you. Read the essay examples above for different perspectives on jealousy and how to respond to it. 

As stated previously, jealousy is a theme in many famous works of literature. Choose a novel, play, movie, or television program in which jealousy plays an important role. Explain how jealousy is present and how it impacts the plot and characters. Cite quotes from your chosen work for a more solid evidence base in your essay. 

It is only human to feel jealous from time to time. Write about an experience where you were jealous of something or someone- do you regret it? Reflect on this experience, retell the story, and explain how you felt: what or who were you jealous of? Would you do anything differently now? Answer these questions for an engaging and inspiring essay.

Check out our guide packed full of transition words for essays . If you’re still stuck, check out our available resource for essay writing topics .

Martin is an avid writer specializing in editing and proofreading. He also enjoys literary analysis and writing about food and travel.

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Emotion: Jealousy

The ProWritingAid Team

When you want to write the emotion jealousy, it's important to "show" the emotion your character is experiencing through their physical reactions and dialogue, rather than "tell" it. In this article we provide you with inspiration so you can avoid showing instead of telling and immerse your readers in your story.

Jealousy is an intense emotion characterized by feelings of envy, resentment, and insecurity. It often arises from a perceived threat to a person's relationship, possessions, status, or abilities. Jealousy can manifest in a variety of ways, including distrust, suspicion, anger, sadness, and anxiety. It is a complex emotion that can be triggered by a range of situations, such as competition, comparison, or perceived favoritism. Jealousy can be experienced in varying degrees, from mild to extreme, and can have both positive and negative effects on a person's behavior and relationships.

Different Types of Jealousy

Situations associated with jealousy, physical reactions to jealousy, thoughts associated with jealousy, atmosphere of jealousy, verbs associated with jealousy, emotions before jealousy, emotions after jealousy, telling jealousy examples to avoid, practical examples of showing jealousy, exercises for showing jealousy.

Here are some different types of jealousy:

• Romantic jealousy: Feeling jealous of a partner's attention or affection towards someone else.
• Professional jealousy: Feeling jealous of a coworker's success or recognition.
• Sibling jealousy: Feeling jealous of a sibling's accomplishments or attention from parents.
• Material jealousy: Feeling jealous of someone else's possessions or wealth.
• Creative jealousy: Feeling jealous of someone else's artistic talent or success.

Here are some situations where a character might experience the emotion of jealousy:

• A romantic partner showing interest in someone else
• A friend receiving more attention or praise
• Someone else being more successful or achieving something the character wants
• Feeling left out or excluded from a group
• Perceiving someone as having a better life or more advantages
• A sibling or family member being favored over the character
• Feeling inadequate or inferior compared to others
• A sense of possessiveness or entitlement over a person or thing
• Betrayal or a breach of trust in a relationship

Here are some physical reactions a character experiencing jealousy might have:

• Clenched jaw, tense muscles, and a rigid posture
• Rapid heartbeat, sweating, and increased breathing rate
• Fidgeting, pacing, or restlessness
• Intense eye contact, staring, or glaring
• Aggressive or passive-aggressive behavior, such as snide remarks or sarcasm
• Possessiveness, such as not wanting the object of jealousy to interact with others
• Obsessive thoughts or compulsive behaviors related to the object of jealousy
• Self-doubt, insecurity, and feelings of inadequacy
• Increased sensitivity to criticism or rejection

Here are some thoughts a character experiencing jealousy might have:

• Why does he get to have it all?
• She doesn't deserve that. I do.
• I'm not good enough compared to him/her.
• They're getting all the attention and I'm being overlooked.
• I wish I had what they have.
• They're going to take everything away from me.
• I can't stand seeing them together.
• I'm not as talented as they are.
• Why did they get the promotion and not me?
• They're trying to make me look bad.

Here are some ways that you might reflect the emotion of jealousy in the atmosphere of your scene:

• Use descriptive language to set up a scene that evokes feelings of envy or insecurity, such as describing a lavish mansion or a fancy car.
• Create a sense of competition or comparison between characters, such as through a beauty contest or a race.
• Use symbolism to convey the emotion, such as using the color green or a snake (which is often associated with envy).
• Use dialogue to reveal jealous thoughts or actions, such as a character making snide comments or actively trying to sabotage someone else's success.
• Use physical actions to express jealousy, such as a character clenching their fists or gritting their teeth.
• Use metaphors to describe the feeling, such as a character feeling like they are drowning or suffocating under the weight of their jealousy.

Here are some verbs commonly associated with the emotion of jealousy:

Here are some emotions that may come before a character experiences jealousy:

• Frustration
• Disappointment

Here are some emotions that may come after a character experiences jealousy:

Here are some examples of telling the emotion jealousy in a sentence. You should avoid things like this:

• She felt jealous of her friend's new job.
• He was jealous of his brother's success.
• Mary was jealous of her sister's beauty.
• John was jealous of his neighbor's car.

Here are some examples of showing jealousy in a sentence:

• She couldn't help but notice how he laughed with the other woman, and her heart sank.
• Watching her friend receive praise for her accomplishments, she felt a twinge of envy.
• He clenched his fists as he saw his ex-girlfriend with her new partner, and he struggled to keep his emotions in check.
• She scrolled through social media, feeling a pang of jealousy as she saw her peers traveling to exotic destinations.

Here are some writing exercises to practice showing jealousy:

• Write a scene where the character witnesses someone they care about receiving attention from someone else. Show their reaction to this situation and how they try to cope with their jealousy.
• Create a character who is jealous of someone else's success. Show how this jealousy affects their actions and relationships with others.
• Write a scene where two characters are competing for the same thing (job, love interest, recognition, etc.). Show how the jealousy between them affects their interactions and the outcome of the situation.
• Write a monologue from the perspective of a jealous character. Explore their thoughts and feelings about the object of their jealousy.
• Create a scenario where the jealous character is forced to confront the object of their jealousy. Show their internal struggle and how they handle the situation.
• Write a scene where the jealous character is betrayed by someone they trust. Show how their jealousy is amplified by this betrayal and how they react to it.
• Create a character who is jealous of a specific trait or characteristic that they lack. Show how this jealousy affects their self-esteem and relationships with others.
• Write a scene where the jealous character is confronted by someone who is aware of their jealousy. Show how the character responds and whether they are able to overcome their jealousy.

Want more help with showing emotion instead of telling? You find more help in our full set of emotions .

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Jealousy Essay- Causes, Effects and Handeling Techniques

In this Post, you will read an Persuasive Jealousy Essay. Its a human attribute. Also you will know its definition, causes, effects and handeling techniques.

So, lets understant Jealousy…

Table of Contents

Definition of Jealousy

Jealousy is defined as a complex emotion that includes feelings, from fear of abandonment to rage and humiliation. It hits people of all ages, sexes and sexual orientation, and most often wakes up when a person perceives a threat to a valuable relationship from a third party. The danger can be real or imagined.

Nobody likes to be jealous. However, jealousy is an unavoidable emotion that most of us experience. The problem with suspicion is not that it occurs occasionally, but what it does to us when we don’t catch it.

The experience of what happens when jealousy overpowers us or shapes the way we feel about ourselves and the world can be frightening. There must understand where the resentments come and how should deal it in a healthy , adaptive way in many areas of our lives like interpersonal relationships, through careers to personal goals.

Causes and Types of Jealousy

Studies have shown that larger jealousy correlates with smaller self-esteem. “Many of us are often ignorant of the rudimentary disgrace that lives in us because it routinely arrives at considering us self-critically. The shame in our past can strongly affect the extent to which we feel jealous and uncertain in the present.

Dr. Lisa Firestone, author of “Conquer Your Critical Inner Voice,” define, “critical inner voice” is a form of harmful speech. It consolidates destructive thoughts and feelings, forcing us to compare, evaluate, and judge ourselves (and often others) with high accuracy. This is one reason learning to deal with jealousy is such impacts.

This voice can fuel our sense of jealousy, filling our heads with critical and suspicious commentary. What are the compelling inner views tells us that our situation is often harder to bear itself?

Our partner’s rejection or betrayal is painful, but what often hurt us is all the terrible things that remember about ourselves after this event. “You are such a fool. Did you think you could be happy ? – You’ll finish yourself. You should never faith anyone again. “

To illustrate how this internal enemy feeds our negative feelings about jealousy, we’ll look closely at two types of envy: romantic resentment and competitive jealousy.

Although these two forms of jealousy often overlap. Considering them can help us better understand how they affect different areas of our lives and how to best cope with it.

Relationship jealousy

The fundamental reality is to ease relationships when people don’t get too jealous. The more we can master our sense of resentment and distinguish it from our partner, the better. Remember that our jealousy often comes from uncertainty within ourselves.

The feeling we are condemned to cheating, hurting, or rejecting. Unless we can handle this feeling within ourselves, we will probably fall victim to feelings of jealousy, distrust, or uncertainty in any relationship, regardless of the circumstances.

Competitive jealousy

Although it may seem pointless or illogical, it is natural to want what others have and to feel competitive. However, the way we use these sentiments is essential for our grade of approval and happiness.

If we use these sentiments to assist our inner critic, demolish ourselves or others, this is a destructive pattern with demoralizing effects. However, if we do not let these feelings fall into the hands of our critical inner voice, we can use them to recognize what we want.

Some more reasons of Jealousy

These negative feelings about us come from early experiences in our lives. We often accept the feelings that our parents or important guardians had towards us or each other. Then, unconsciously, we recreate or react to the old, known dynamics in our relationships.

For example, if we felt rejected as children, we can easily see our partner as ignoring us. We can choose a partner who is more elusive or even engages in behaviors that would push our partner away.

However, regardless of our unique experience, we all have this internal critic to some extent. The area to which this fear effects, how threatened we would explore in a relationship. Like a sadistic trainer, our critical inner voice tells us not to trust or be too sensitive.

It reminds us we are unloved and we don’t feel like having an affair. This whisper plants the seeds of doubt, suspicion, and uncertainty. “Why does she work late?” “Why does she choose her friends before me?” “What does she even do when I’m away?” “Why does he pay so much attention to what he says?”

Those of us, well renowned with how jealousy works, understand that all too often these ideas will gradually sprout and bloom into much larger, more in-depth attacks on ourselves and/or our partner.

“She doesn’t want to be with you. There must be someone else. – He’s losing interest. I want to break free from you. – Who would listen to you? You are so boring.

Effects of Jealousy

It is okay, even healthy, to afford a competitive thought. It may feel good when we allow ourselves to feel temporarily without judgment or an action plan. However, if we think or turn this thought into self-criticism or an attack on another person, we will be hurt. If we feel overreaction or jealousy, we can do a few things.

Think about specific events that make you feel agitated. Is this a friend financially successful ? A former dating someone else? A colleague who speaks at meetings?

Ask yourself what critical internal voices appear. What thoughts evoke these jealous feelings? Do you use these feelings of jealousy to put off?

Do they make you feel insignificant, unsuccessful, incapable, etc.? Is there a pattern or motif in these thoughts that seem familiar?

Think about the more profound implications and beginnings of these thoughts: Do you feel some pressure to achieve a particular thing? Should you be something? What would this mean for you? Is this related to your past?

We can have more compassion for us and trial to hover judgments that lead us to insecurity.

How to deal with jealousy?

1. think about what is waking up.

Daniel Siegel applies the acronym SIFT to explain how we can move the impressions, feelings, images, and thoughts that arise when we think about specific problems in our lives. We should try to do it when we feel jealous.

We can think about what feelings, pictures, and thoughts arouse. Does the scenario release something old – a dynamic or long-term negative self-perception?

The more we can combine these emotions or exaggerated reactions with the past events that created them, the more we can feel in our jealous situation.

2. Calm down and remain vulnerable

No matter how jealous we are, we can recover and relax. It can do this first by acknowledging our strong sentiments with compassion. Remember that no issue how powerful seem, our feelings overtake in waves, the first building, and then falling.

It is possible to accept and recognize our jealousy without acting on others. We can learn tools to calm down before the reaction, for example, a walk or deep breaths.

It is much easier to calm down in this way when we refuse to indulge in the angry words of our internal critic. So it is necessary to learn how to do it. When we do this, we can defend ourselves and the people we care about, remain sensitive and open in our relationships.

3. Don’t react

Our critical inner voice advises us to take actions that can hurt us in the long run. When it makes us jealous, it can tell us to give up or stop pursuing what we want. This can lead to self-protection, blow up, or punish someone whom we hate.

If we’re in a relationship, it can tell us to be icy or hit our partner. When we do this, we create the dynamics fear. We can hurt and undermine our partners’ feelings for us and arouse their feelings of distrust.

We may unwittingly encourage them to become more closed, less open to their feelings, thoughts, and actions, which then increases our feelings of suspicion and jealousy.

4. Look for your sense of security

The best it can do is control on feeling stable and secure within ourself. We must do the work to beat our internal jealous thoughts.

Criticize and believe that everything is excellent, even alone. We don’t need the love of a particular person to think that we’re loved. People are full of flaws and limitations, and no one can give us what we need 100 percent of the time.

That is why it is essential to practice compassion and learn how to oppose our internal critic. This does not mean closing people or cutting off what we want.

It means embracing our lives with all our heart while being convinced that we are strong enough to fail or lose. Regardless of everything, we can handle emerging emotions.

5. Stay competitive

Many people don’t agree with ​​competing, but it’s not about being the best, but about your personal goal to be the best. This means we feel ourselves and accept the qualities that will serve us in pursuing what we want.

If we wish to respect us, we must be attentive and thoughtful in our interactions. If we feel the consistent love of our partner, we must commit to engaging in love deeds every day. If we keep our desire to act honestly and follow our goals, we win the most crucial battle we face

6. Unload your sorrows

When something like jealousy takes control, it’s essential to find the right person to talk and a healthy way of expressing what we feel. People who support us positively and help to stop us from chewing or deeply immersed in our sorrows are friends with whom we want to talk about our jealousy.

We all have friends who are a little too tired when we talk about specific topics, and may not be the best friends to look for when we feel aroused and nervous. It should try to find people who will support us, staying on the right path, and being the people we want to be.

Giving up to these friends is fine as far as releasing our irrational thoughts and feelings while acknowledging that they are exaggerated and ridiculous. This process works when it frees us from feelings and allows us to go further and take reasonable actions. If you are jealous, it is wise to seek help from a therapist. It will help us understand our feelings and control them,

In a relationship, maintain open, honest communication with our partner. If we hope they will trust them and that they will have ours, we must listen to what they say without defending ourselves or giving judgment.

This open communication is not about releasing our uncertainty on our partner, but about enabling ourselves to be friendly and connected, even when we feel insecure or jealous. This helps our partner do the same.

You need some emotional maturity to deal with many feelings around jealousy. We need to face our critical internal voice and any uncertainties it generates. You also need the willpower to step back and resist our impulsive, jealous reactions.

However, when we support this power ourselves, we realize that we are much stronger than we think. By discovering how to deal with jealousy, we become more protected in us and our relationships.

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Signs of extreme jealousy and how to combat it before it destroys your relationships

• Jealousy can cause you to act in distrustful and destructive ways that ruin relationships.
• Jealousy often comes from people's insecurities of not feeling good enough for others in some way.
• Overcome jealousy by addressing your underlying insecurities or trauma with help from a professional.

Jealousy is an often painful emotional experience that can be difficult to navigate since it comes with a range of negative feelings from suspicion to worry to anger. 

While most people experience jealousy at some point, research suggests that unchecked jealousy can result in depression, anxiety, lower self-esteem, aggression, and the end of meaningful relationships.

That's why it's important to identify and understand your jealousy so that you can learn to manage it in a constructive, compassionate way.

Examples of extreme jealousy

Jealousy can manifest in just about any situation, whether it's sibling-on-sibling, amongst co-workers, between friends, or in a romantic relationship. 

However, extreme jealousy turns a feeling into a damaging behavior that could turn into aggression.

Here are a few examples of extreme jealousy:

• Insulting or guilt-tripping a friend because they spent time with someone you don't like.
• Isolating your partner from people who trigger feelings of jealousy, like her close male friend or her mother who you suspect doesn't think you're good enough for her.
• Monitoring the whereabouts of your loved one, following them, or going through their phone or belongings without their permission.
• Lying about your accomplishments or taking credit for someone else's work to get more praise or recognition from your boss who you think favors another employee.
• Sabotaging your loved one's relationships with others, whether it's " checking up " on them at their place of work or sending or deleting messages from their devices. 

Why am I so jealous?

You might be jealous for any number of reasons. For example, you might be jealous of people you perceive to be more attractive, wealthy, likable, or respected by your partner. 

"But ultimately, it's not about that other person. It's about one's feelings toward themselves that causes jealousy," says relationship coach Michelle Baxo, MA, in Counseling Psychology, of Michelle Baxo Coaching and Consulting .

Most of the time, jealousy stems from insecurity. So people who are more prone to jealousy typically feel like they're not good enough for others in some way. 

Case in point, a large 2022 study of 5,660 Finnish adults who tested with a high level of jealousy had the following characteristics:

• Believed they were less attractive than their partner
• Felt they could not trust their partner
• Had been cheated on in the past and had trouble trusting their partner
• Invested in fewer relationships with others

People prone to jealousy also tend to have an anxious attachment style and may exhibit other traits including clinginess and constant need for reassurance making it challenging to engage in and sustain trusting relationships.

How to combat jealousy

While jealousy might be easy to define or recognize, it can be hard to control. Here are some tips for avoiding jealousy in the future. 

1. Communicate your feelings without accusing

Once you feel jealous, try to communicate your feelings to your partner. 

For example, if you suspect that your partner is interested in being with someone else, ask them openly and listen to their response. 

Our feelings can completely distort reality and cause a lot of upheaval in a relationship. Going back to the facts can help you avoid the slippery slope of jealousy like remembering that your partner comes home to you every day. 

To steer clear of acting on jealousy in the future, think about how you'd want to be treated like how you want your partner to communicate their faith in the relationship. 

"It's best to trust your partner the way you want to be trusted and move on," says Michelle. 

2. Journal and practice visualization

Research suggests that visualizing or writing about memories of feeling supported by an attachment figure, can help you regulate your emotions to avoid future jealousy. 

If you're feeling jealous in the moment, imagine getting an embrace from your partner, and take a moment to let that warmth wash over you. 

For one small 2017 study , participants who imagined receiving an affectionate touch from a loved one had a greater sense of security and reduced feelings of jealousy than those who did not. 

3. Address past wounds or trauma with a professional

Past trauma can increase a person's likelihood of experiencing jealousy, says Juan Santos, Licensed Clinical Mental Health Counselor at Santos Counseling . 

But a counselor can help you address that trauma and rebuild your trust and sense of security with others. Therapy can also help you process painful emotions and reframe negative or destructive thoughts affecting your behavior. 

For example, once you start to feel jealous, "we can acknowledge that jealousy is there and use it as a reminder of the deep love and admiration we have for our partner," Juan notes. Consider telling yourself, "My partner chose me over anyone else," or "I am thankful to be in a loving relationship with someone I care about." This can help combat negative self-worth.

A good therapist can also help you develop better communication skills and emotional regulation skills to help you handle sudden feelings of jealousy. 

When it comes to types of therapy, everyone responds differently to different types, but research has found a couple of methods to be effective:

• One small 2021 study of 34 married women experiencing extreme jealousy found significant reductions to jealousy measures after participants engaged in 10 sessions of cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT). 
• Likewise, a 2019 single case study found significant reductions in jealous thoughts after 8 sessions of cognitive analytical therapy (CAT), with these benefits continuing after the end of treatment. 

Insider's takeaway

"Jealousy is a normal emotion we experience, no different than sadness or happiness. The importance is in what we do with it," says Juan. 

Practicing open communication, improving your self-esteem, and trying visualizations are all ways you can combat jealousy to strengthen your relationship and avoid the feeling in the future.

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Essay on jealousy 3 Models

Essay on jealousy, it is an important topic because it is related to the behavior of children and adults alike. Jealousy is a person’s feeling that others don’t care about him. Jealousy is an expression of a person’s fear of losing the love of others, and there are often mixed reactions as a result of feeling jealous. Jealousy is a negative feeling that drives its owner to depression and sadness, and sometimes jealousy is a strong motive to show our abilities and improve our social relationship.

Essay on jealousy

Jealousy is a natural human feeling, but in some cases jealousy is considered a fatal disease, as it affects the person in an exaggerated way, so he may become depressed and prefer to stay away from people, or his behavior becomes aggressive, and other manifestations of jealousy that we will mention in Essay on jealousy .

Therefore, teachers are prepared educationally during their studies at the university. They study psychology, modern teaching methods, and others. All this in order for the teacher to be qualified to deal with students, and to understand their psychological problems, especially jealousy among students. Richard Dawkins said, “ Let’s try to learn generosity and altruism because we are born selfish .”

Jealousy in children

Undoubtedly, jealousy in children indicates a child’s insecurity. The child needs great attention from his parents, and when the child feels that one of his parents is preoccupied with any other matter, and no longer gives the child sufficient attention, the child feels fear and interprets the lack of interest of one of his parents as a lack of love for him.

And feelings of jealousy begin when a parent cares about one of their children and not the others. Parents may care about one of their children because he is sick, young, or otherwise, but the rest of the children do not understand this matter and interpret their parents’ interest in this son as they love him more than them.

Therefore, parents must be keen on equality in treating their children. It is not right for us to care about one of them and neglect the others. Likewise, when giving gifts, we must buy each one of them a suitable gift for him.

Essay on jealousy, in which I will explain the role of parents in treating the problem of jealousy. Parents should not praise a child without praising his brothers, because that will make them feel jealous of their brother and hate him.

When children go to school, some problems also appear, such as jealousy. As some teachers praise some students without others, which makes them feel jealous and may hate going to school. C.S. Lewis said, “ The task of the teacher is to sow the desert, not to uproot weeds from the fields .”

Jealousy in adolescents

Jealousy in adolescence is very dangerous, because most of the feelings of jealousy at this stage are related to emotional feelings. At this stage, both girls and boys try to show their best qualities.

And when a teenager feels that there is another person who attracts the attention of others, he feels jealous. Also, the teenager does not like to have someone distinct from him. I will talk about the danger of jealousy in Essay on jealousy as follows:

The danger of jealousy in adolescence is that a teenager may change his behavior completely. Some of them, when they feel a lack of attention from others, may resort to isolation and not integrate with others, while others may change their behavior to violence, such as beating, smoking, drugs, and so on.

Therefore, parents must monitor the behavior of their children, talk to them, know their problems and work to solve them. Raising children on good morals and self-confidence helps them overcome many health and psychological problems. Thomas Jefferson said, “ The value of health is far greater than the value of education. ”

The school also plays an important role in increasing students’ awareness and self-esteem. Teachers should encourage their students to express their problems and help them solve them.

Jealousy in adults

Feelings of jealousy do not differentiate between young and old. In Essay on jealousy, I will show you how to turn feelings of jealousy into rivalry.

Jealousy in adults can be transformed into a strong motivation to develop our skills and improve our relationships with others. As we find there is jealousy among the employees at work, and each of them is trying to reach a better position than the other. We can call this jealousy competition, and in that case jealousy has positive effects.

There is also a kind of emotional jealousy, especially if there is interest from one of the parties to the relationship with another person, and this type of jealousy is destructive and has bad effects, as the person feels sad because the one he loves does not care about him.

The difference between jealousy and envy

There is a big difference between jealousy and envy, as envy is more difficult than jealousy, the envious person wishes that the good you have will go away, he never wishes you good.

While jealousy may push a person to show his best in order to attract the attention of others, he just needs some attention and praise.

In all cases, you must be confident of yourself, always try to develop your abilities, be generous and have good morals, and make sure that the respected person is loved and appreciated by people.

At the end of the Essay on jealousy, I talked about jealousy in children and how to treat it, jealousy in adolescents and their manifestations of jealousy, jealousy in adults and the possibility of transforming jealousy into competition, the difference between jealousy and envy, and how to treat feelings of jealousy.

I hope you have benefited from Essay on jealousy, and I would appreciate your comments.

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How To Deal With Jealousy In A Relationship

Haddi Browne

Mental Health Writer, Mental Health Researcher, Proofreader

Education BSc (Hons) Psychology, MSc Mental Health Studies

Miss Haddi Browne is a freelance mental health writer and proof-reader with over seven years of experience working as a professional researcher with a diverse range of clients across the lifespan, including young adults with post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) and depression.

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Olivia Guy-Evans, MSc

Associate Editor for Simply Psychology

BSc (Hons) Psychology, MSc Psychology of Education

Olivia Guy-Evans is a writer and associate editor for Simply Psychology. She has previously worked in healthcare and educational sectors.

Saul Mcleod, PhD

Editor-in-Chief for Simply Psychology

BSc (Hons) Psychology, MRes, PhD, University of Manchester

Saul Mcleod, PhD., is a qualified psychology teacher with over 18 years of experience in further and higher education. He has been published in peer-reviewed journals, including the Journal of Clinical Psychology.

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Dealing with jealousy in a relationship can be challenging and emotionally exhausting. Jealousy can arise from insecurities, past experiences, or even external factors, and it can strain the trust and intimacy in a relationship if not addressed properly.

With self-awareness, open communication, empathy , and understanding, it is possible to navigate issues of jealousy in a constructive and supportive manner.

In this article, we will explore strategies and insights on how to address and manage jealousy with your partner in order to foster a healthier and more secure relationship.

Here are some steps to help you navigate this situation:

Understand their triggers

Start by trying to understand why your partner is feeling jealous. Are there specific triggers or insecurities that contribute to their jealousy? By creating a safe space for open dialogue, you can encourage them to share their feelings and concerns with you.

If you are aware of certain behaviors or situations that trigger your partner’s jealousy, try to avoid them or find compromises that make both of you comfortable.

Additionally, it can be beneficial for them if you are transparent in your actions and communication. For example, you might want to share your plans, activities, and social interactions with your partner to build trust.

Express how you feel

It is also important to communicate effectively with your partner about how their jealousy makes you feel.

By engaging in open and honest communication with your partner, you can create a safe space where both of you can express your feelings without judgment.

Try to use “I” statements to express your feelings (e.g., “I feel hurt when you accuse me of cheating”). This will help your partner better understand how their behavior affects you. 

Remember that jealousy often stems from deep-seated insecurities and fears, so try to remain patient, respectful, and understanding. It might take time for them to learn how to manage their jealousy in a healthy way.

Set healthy boundaries

Work together to establish clear and healthy boundaries in your relationship. Having agreed-upon boundaries can help alleviate some of your partner’s fears.

These boundaries might include expectations regarding communication, social interactions, and fidelity. You can discuss what is acceptable behavior and what is not (e.g., giving up friends or hobbies) and establish consequences for crossing boundaries. If your partner violates your boundaries, be consistent with enforcing these consequences.

Moreover, boundaries should be established to respect each other’s personal space, friendships, and activities. You can encourage independence and trust in your relationship while still allowing each other to have hobbies and interests outside of the relationship.

Be sure to respect your partner’s privacy and expect the same in return. Avoid invading each other’s personal devices or belongings without permission. 

Actively listen

Active listening is a powerful way to connect with your partner and allow them to feel heard and understood. 

By listening empathetically to your partner’s concerns and insecurities without judgment, you will help them be more comfortable in expressing their feelings, which in turn, will enable you to better understand their perspective. 

When they do communicate their feelings and concerns with you, recognize and validate those experiences without dismissing or belittling them . Try to avoid becoming defensive or retaliating with jealousy of your own. 

Instead, reassure them of your commitment to the relationship. Validation of their feelings, even if you don’t agree with them, can help them feel heard and understood.

Here are a some tips for active listening:

• Face your partner and make eye contact. This shows that you are paying attention and not distracted.
• Ask questions if you need to clarify what your partner is saying.
• Reflect back what your partner has said to show that you understand them.
• Avoid interrupting or arguing. 

Know Your Limits

While it’s important to be understanding and patient, you should also recognize when the jealousy becomes unreasonable and detrimental to your well-being. Consider your own needs, boundaries, and mental health.

If your partner’s jealousy is causing significant strain on you and the relationship and doesn’t improve with your efforts, consider suggesting couples therapy or counseling. A trained therapist can provide guidance and strategies to address jealousy issues.

In more severe circumstances, if their behavior becomes emotionally or physically abusive, it may be necessary to reconsider the relationship.

Julia Simkus edited this article.

How Jealousy Can Negatively Affect a Relationship. (2023). Retrieved 19 July 2023, from https://psychcentral.com/blog/the-poisonous-effect-of-jealousy-on-your-relationship

How to Deal With Jealousy in a Relationship. (2023). Retrieved 19 July 2023, from https://www.verywellmind.com/overcome-jealousy-in-your-marriage-2303979  

Signs of Jealousy (Envious). (2023). Retrieved 19 July 2023, from https://www.webmd.com/mental-health/signs-jealousy-envious  

15 Signs of Jealousy in a Relationship and How to Handle It. (2021). Retrieved 20 July 2023, from https://www.marriage.com/advice/relationship/signs-of-jealousy-in-a-relationship/  

Seeing Green? This Is Jealousy. (2023). Retrieved 20 July 2023, from https://psychcentral.com/health/signs-of-jealousy  

What’s Really Behind Jealousy, and What to Do About It. (2023). Retrieved 20 July 2023, from https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/close-encounters/201410/whats-really-behind-jealousy-and-what-do-about-it  

Publisher, A. removed at request of original. (2016, September 29). 7.6 The Dark Side of Relationships. Open.lib.umn.edu; University of Minnesota Libraries Publishing edition, 2016. This edition adapted from a work originally produced in 2013 by a publisher who has requested that it not receive attribution. https://open.lib.umn.edu/communication/chapter/7-6-the-dark-side-of-relationships/  

Help, G., Professionals, F., Listed, S., Help, G., Professionals, F., & Therapist, F. et al. (2023). GoodTherapy | Why Stalkers Stalk—and What to Do If You’re a Victim. Retrieved 26 July 2023, from https://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/stalking-behavior-victims-seeking-help-040513  

False Accusations in a Relationship: Is It Emotional Abuse?. (2023). Retrieved 20 July 2023, from https://psychcentral.com/relationships/psychological-effects-of-false-accusations-in-relationships  

7 Signs That a Partner’s Jealousy Is a Problem. (2023). Retrieved 20 July 2023, from https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/friendship-20/202203/7-signs-partners-jealousy-is-problem  

Evans, P. (2002). Controlling people: How to recognize, understand, and deal with people who control you. Avon, MA: Adams Media.

Darcy, A. (2023). Jealousy in Relationships – Is it all in Your Head?. Retrieved 28 July 2023, from https://www.harleytherapy.co.uk/counselling/jealousy-head.htm

How Jealousy Can Negatively Affect a Relationship. (2023). Retrieved 20 July 2023, from https://psychcentral.com/blog/the-poisonous-effect-of-jealousy-on-your-relationship

Coping With Insecurity in Relationships. (2023). Retrieved 20 July 2023, from https://www.verywellmind.com/coping-with-insecurity-in-a-relationship-5207949  

Getting Past the Past Jealousy. (2023). Retrieved 20 July 2023, from https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/anxiety-files/201804/getting-past-the-past-jealousy  

10 Ways On How Low Self Esteem Affects a Relationship. (2019). Retrieved 20 July 2023, from https://www.marriage.com/advice/mental-health/low-self-esteem-in-relationship/  

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11 steps to stop being jealous in relationships (for real).

Have you ever been jealous in a relationship or friendship and wished the feeling would just…go away? You get suspicious every time your partner’s phone lights up, or your coworker’s recent promotion makes you a little envious, even though you’re genuinely happy for them.

Jealousy is a complicated feeling that doesn’t necessarily feel great in the moment—but chances are, there’s a reason you’re experiencing it. Identifying the root cause can help you understand yourself better and, eventually, learn how to stop being jealous of the people in your life.

Here’s how to stop being jealous and start feeling more at ease, according to experts.

What exactly is jealousy?

“Jealousy is when someone experiences feelings of insecurity, inadequacy, and fear in response to a perceived threat,” Becca Smith, LPC , a licensed professional counselor and chief clinical officer at the mental health treatment center BasePoint Academy, tells mbg. “It can be triggered by someone else's success, accomplishments, possessions, or relationships.” 

Because we’ve been evolutionarily trained to protect our relationships, jealousy often feels personal and primal, often causing anxiety, lack of trust, anger, and physical reactions like a heightened fight-or-flight response . 

But although jealousy is often painted as a “negative” thing, it is a perfectly normal human emotion that isn’t inherently bad—just like sadness, anger, or any other uncomfortable feeling. Jealousy can even be healthy in some cases by indicating that something important needs to be communicated in your relationship, or that you have unmet emotional needs that could use some attention. 

There’s no shame in experiencing jealousy, but it doesn’t have to rule your relationships, either. 

Why do I get jealous so easily?

Some people may be more prone to jealousy than others, according to licensed mental health counselor Nicole Ellen, LCMHC . “Psychological factors that may lead to jealous reactions may include low self-esteem, anxiety, moodiness, depression, possessiveness, fear of abandonment , codependency, and anxious attachment style,” she says. If you’re sensitive to betrayal, rejection, or deal with trust issues , jealousy may become amplified as well. 

According to a 2022 study 1 in Frontiers in Psychology , both personality and attachment styles are important predictors of jealousy. High neuroticism, for instance—one of the Big Five personality traits —is consistently linked to higher jealousy, and anxious attachment —which can involve insecurity, feelings of inadequacy, and fear of abandonment—can also contribute. 

Licensed counselor Greg Cheney, Ph.D. , says that past life experiences matter, too. “Those who have experienced significant relationships as untrustworthy and unreliable may feel insecure in their relationships,” he explains. For example, research shows 1 that people who have experienced sexual infidelity from a current or past partner report higher levels of jealousy. 

Jealousy can also sometimes be a sign that your needs or desires aren’t being met, according to California-based licensed marriage and family therapist Kaylin Zabienski, LMFT . “I teach my clients that jealousy is an indicator of something that is missing in your life…something that you deeply crave,” she says. “For example, if you are jealous that your partner spends too much time with their friends, maybe you don’t feel like you are getting enough attention or the connection that you want in your relationship.” Or if you’re jealous of someone’s fancy house or car, you may feel insecure about your financial means in some way.

How to stop being jealous of your friends

Jealousy is often discussed in the context of romance, but you can be jealous of your friends, too. Research shows 2 that friendship jealousy is a pretty common experience—and Danielle Bayard Jackson , a friendship coach and relationship expert at Bumble for Friends , says you shouldn’t shame yourself for it.

“Many of us think that feeling jealous makes us a bad friend, or perhaps that we weren’t a real friend at all if we’re having these feelings,” she tells mbg. “However, jealousy is a completely natural feeling to have, and denying or shutting down these feelings can preclude us from using the situation to grow for the better.”

Bayard Jackson also calls out the important difference between jealousy and envy . “All too often, these words are used interchangeably,” she says. “If you’re envious of your friend, you may find yourself wishing that you had what they have (i.e. they got a new house, announced a recent pregnancy, or were accepted at the school of your dreams). Jealousy, on the other hand, involves some kind of perceived ‘intruder’…you fear that the friendship you have will be threatened, taken away, or jeopardized by another person or situation.” 

In a recent Bumble for Friends survey of U.S. adults, 77% of respondents said that friends are one of the main factors of a happy and healthy life. “If you find that you’re in an insecure or sensitive space in life and it’s making it hard for you to show up for your friends, this can have a direct impact on your overall capacity for happiness,” Bayard Jackson explains

So, here’s how to stop being jealous of your friends: 

Identify the source of your jealousy

Does your friend no longer have time for you? Are you jealous of their career success or new boyfriend? Consider what’s actually triggering your jealousy—whether it’s the fact that you feel abandoned, envious of something they have that you don’t, or even a little competitive .

“Take time to evaluate what the feelings of jealousy are signaling about you, and be completely honest with yourself!” Bayard Jackson says. “Jealousy offers an opportunity for us to look within and be more mindful of the underlying reasons that are causing us to feel this way.”

Carve out time to reconnect with them.

Sometimes, jealousy is an indication that you simply miss being close to your friend . “Consider the ways that you can turn jealousy into a positive outcome—for example, if you see your friend spending more time with a new friend, maybe this encourages you to be more attentive or check in with her more,” Bayard Jackson tells mbg.

Zabienski agrees. “Instead of feeling jealousy as a negative emotion, it can be a pathway to asking questions,” she explains. “If you feel jealous of a friend’s dating life, be curious and ask her how she does it. The jealousy can be used as a moment of vulnerability and a way to bring you closer in your relationships, instead of something that tears [you] apart.”

Communicate with your friend about how you’re feeling.

If your friend did something to hurt you or their behavior is triggering in some way, it may be time for radical honesty . “If you're feeling jealous, it may be helpful to have a conversation with them so they can understand where you're coming from, or you can work together to address any underlying issues,” Smith says.

Keep in mind—while you’re stewing in a state of jealousy, your friend may have no idea what’s going on or realize their behavior is activating you. Trauma and anxiety therapist Lauran Hahn, LMHC, tells mbg, “Open communication often helps dispel any perceived threats that are contributing to feeling jealous. If you’re struggling with jealousy, talk to your person and let them know that you’re having a hard time.”

But if the friendship feels toxic or draining, distance yourself.

Having toxic friends is no fun, and not all connections are for the best. If you repeatedly feel drained, discouraged, or hurt by the friendship, consider taking a step back or cutting ties altogether.

“It may be helpful to distance yourself from situations or people who trigger feelings of jealousy,” Smith tells mbg. “When you focus on your own path instead of comparing yourself to others, you can move forward with more confidence and gain a sense of satisfaction in your own progress.”

Practice gratitude.

According to Smith, having a gratitude practice can also help you stop fixating on jealousy and gain valuable perspective on yourself and your relationships. “When you feel jealous of someone else, take a moment and make a list of all the things that you're grateful for,” she says. “This can help remind you of how much you have going for you and how far you've come.”

Using journaling techniques, positive affirmations , and other healing modalities can help you reground and root in the present.

How to stop being jealous in relationships

From social media-induced jealousy to concerns about cheating, dealing with jealousy in a romantic relationship can feel daunting. Maybe you feel jealous when your partner likes their ex’s photos online or comments on a celebrity’s attractiveness—or maybe your heart races when a stranger flirts with them at the bar.

Tropes like “the jealous girlfriend” run rampant in pop culture, and many people chalk jealousy up to being controlling, insecure, or overly dramatic. But jealousy isn’t just about you being insecure—it’s caused by a variety of factors, including your past. “Maybe you were cheated on before and now you don’t trust that it won’t happen again,” Zabienski says.

Here are some tips for overcoming jealousy in a relationship: 

Reflect on where your feelings are coming from.

In friendships and relationships alike, it’s crucial to unpack why you’re feeling jealous in your relationship. “Once you understand what in your past is contributing to feelings of jealousy, you can identify present-day triggers that activate the feeling,” Hahn tells mbg. “With this awareness, you can utilize mindfulness to manage feelings of jealousy.”

In a moment of jealousy, it may help to remember your inner child and be patient with yourself—it’s natural to have old wounds come up sometimes, and they can take a while to heal.

Challenge your negative assumptions.

According to Hahn, intense feelings of jealousy can lead to overgeneralized negative assumptions about your partner—for example, “They must be seeing other people” or “Our relationship is doomed”—but that may or may not be the case at all.

“Recognize that these are thoughts generated by your mind and they aren’t necessarily based in fact. Once you can emotionally ‘unhook’ from the thoughts, it is easier to ride the wave of jealousy until it subsides,” she says.

Find ways to build trust and connection with your partner.

“In romantic relationships, jealousy can be a sign of insecurity or lack of trust,” Smith says. “If that's the case, couples can look for ways to build more trust and connection in their relationship.”

To do this, aim to have open, honest conversations with your partner about what’s on your mind. Incorporate quality time into your schedules. Engaging in different types of intimacy and communicating honestly with your partner can help you feel seen and supported instead of constantly suspicious. 

In moments of jealousy, try to pause before reacting.

Jealousy can be a triggering emotion in the heat of the moment because it makes us feel threatened. Your face gets flushed, your palms are clammy, and you may feel the urge to cry, withdraw, or get angry with your partner. It’s natural to be upset, but Cheney recommends approaching the moment as mindfully as you can.

“Before doing something in reaction to jealousy—like texting, calling someone, or saying something— take a deep breath and take some time to get curious about what sparked feeling jealous,” he says. “Move toward the emotion with curiosity and not away from it. This may be hard to do in the moment and may need to take place after an intense experience.”

Build up your self-esteem. 

Relationships are a two-way street, and the responsibility shouldn’t just be on you to manage jealous emotions. That said, experts say building your self-esteem can help give you the confidence you need to advocate for yourself, be more present in your relationship, and potentially feel less jealous over time.

“When you have a healthy sense of self-worth, you're less likely to compare yourself to others or feel threatened by their successes,” Smith tells mbg. “You already know your own worth and don't need anyone else to validate it.”

Practicing acceptance for your emotions

Jealousy is a natural, human emotion that can’t be simply “turned off.” Although it’s impossible to avoid jealousy altogether, accepting your emotions and practicing self-compassion can help you through tough times. “When you recognize that it is okay to feel this way regardless of how painful and uncomfortable it may be, then you release your mind from the emotional pressure and judgment that these emotions can cause,” Ellen tells mbg. “This can take us out of the cycle of shame and guilt .” 

“Remember, everyone struggles with jealousy at some point,” Hahn adds. “Show yourself compassion by acknowledging the struggle…remind yourself that you’re not alone in this and that the emotion is temporary and will pass.” 

Hahn also recommends labeling your thoughts, emotions, and sensations as they arise (i.e., “I feel hurt and angry” or “My body is feeling heat”) instead of suppressing them. “Once we name the different aspects of jealousy, it can work to deactivate the intensity,” Hahn explains.

It can help to remember that jealousy is signaling something you want and care about, Zabienski adds. “A great self-compassion exercise is to place a hand on your heart, close your eyes, and say out loud in a loving way, ‘I see your desire. You deserve to have what you want. I will do my best to give it to you,’” she says.

What causes jealous behavior?

Many factors may contribute to jealous behavior, including attachment style, personality type, low self-esteem, and past relationship experiences. The experience is not one-size-fits-all, and jealousy presents differently for everyone. But jealousy almost always signals an unmet need, whether in your relationship or in your life. 

Is it normal to be jealous all the time?

Feeling jealous is a perfectly normal, human experience—but you deserve to feel happy and emotionally safe in your relationship. If you feel jealous constantly, it may be time to chat with the other person involved or seek support from a therapist.  

Is jealousy toxic?

Jealousy isn’t an inherently toxic emotion, but jealousy that involves controlling behavior, excessive secrecy, guilt, gaslighting, manipulation, or any type of abuse can be highly toxic and should be approached with safety and care.

The takeaway

Jealousy can be tough to deal with, but it doesn’t have to rule your life or ruin your relationships. “A life without jealousy impairing your most important relationships can be realized,” Cheney tells mbg. “It may just take some intentional, courageous steps with someone you trust to complete that journey.” 

If you’ve tried a variety of healing methods but still feel lost, Hahn suggests seeking help from a qualified therapist . “Unremitting jealousy can be a sign of emotional and relational trauma from the past,” she tells mbg. “In therapy, you can work through those old wounds which will free up your mental and emotional energy and make space for healthy relationships.”

At the end of the day, it’s entirely possible to manage jealous feelings and start enjoying your relationships. You deserve healthy, fulfilling connections with friends, significant others, family members, coworkers, and beyond—so find the support you need and know that you don’t have to manage your jealousy alone.

• https://www.frontiersin.org/articles/10.3389/fpsyg.2022.861481/full
• https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2020-57189-001

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Feeling Jealous in a Relationship is Tough, Here's How to Cope

Sheri Stritof has written about marriage and relationships for 20+ years. She's the co-author of The Everything Great Marriage Book. 

Carly Snyder, MD is a reproductive and perinatal psychiatrist who combines traditional psychiatry with integrative medicine-based treatments.

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Jealousy in the Context of a Relationship

Normal vs. unhealthy jealousy, causes of jealousy.

• Consequences
• How to Deal With Jealousy

Coping With Your Own Jealousy

Jealousy is an uncomfortable emotion, but it's fairly normal. We all have minor insecurities and sensitivities that can cause us to feel jealous from time to time. Sometimes it arises when a person feels insecure about their relationship.

"Experiencing jealousy in a relationship is fairly normal, especially in a new relationship or if the relationship is undergoing changes," says Katie Schubert, PhD , a sex and couples therapist and CEO of Cypress Wellness Center.

One study of married couples who sought relationship counseling found that 79% of men and 66% of women defined themselves as jealous. While this feeling is prevalent, problems can arise when jealousy moves from a healthy emotion to an unhealthy and irrational one.

At a Glance

Jealousy is a complicated emotion that can be healthy and normal up until a point. When jealousy becomes an overly dominant emotion in your relationship it can cause serious problems and even lead to the end of your relationship if you don't address these emotions within yourself. It's important to identify the differences between healthy and unhealthy jealousy and talk to your partner about where these feelings are coming from.

When it relates to our relationships , jealousy is a reaction to a perceived threat—real or imagined. The jealous partner most likely fears that an outsider is trying to win the affection of their loved one.

Jealousy is also often associated with feeling angry, contemptuous, anxious, and depressed, which is why jealousy can be destructive and potentially dangerous.

A little jealousy can be reassuring in a relationship and may even be programmed into us. However, a lot of jealousy is overwhelming and scary, especially because it can lead to dangerous behaviors like stalking, digital dating violence , and physical abuse .

There’s no reason to believe that jealousy will improve without being addressed. Jealousy is not an emotion that can be banished with wishful thinking. It goes right to the core of the self and has deep roots, and it takes awareness and effort to overcome these feelings.

Envy vs. Jealousy

It is important to distinguish between envy and jealousy in relationship. How do they differ? Being envious means feeling angry, frustrated, or left out because someone else has something you don't. Being jealous is about the fear of losing something (or more typically, someone) that you do have to a third person.

Envy is about comparing yourself to others and coming up short, while jealousy involves insecurity and feeling threatened.

Occasional jealousy is natural, but when it becomes intense or irrational, it can seriously damage a relationship. Being able to distinguish between healthy jealousy and unhealthy jealousy is important to the success of your partnership.

"In a healthy relationship, between two healthy people, these feelings can be expressed and processed fairly quickly and easily. If feelings of jealousy linger and/or worsen, or if it feels like it would be unsafe to bring up your feelings to your partner, these feelings can really damage a relationship," Schubert explains.

Normal Jealousy

In relationships where feelings of jealousy are mild and occasional, it reminds couples not to take each other for granted. Jealousy also can motivate couples to appreciate one another and make a conscious effort to make sure their partner feels valued.

Jealousy also heightens emotions, making love feel stronger. In small, manageable doses, jealousy can be a positive force in a relationship.

When a healthy relationship experiences jealousy, it comes from a place of protection. One person sees a potential threat to the relationship and expresses concern or jealousy. Together, the couple discusses the issue rationally and comes to an agreement on how to move forward. They are both committed to the relationship and are not insecure about who they are as individuals.

Unhealthy Jealousy

When jealousy is intense or irrational, the story is very different. Irrational or excessive jealousy is often a warning sign of a potentially abusive relationship .

Eventually, jealous people feel so overwhelmed by their emotions and insecurities that they exert control over their partners. They may resort to financial abuse , verbal bullying , and violence to maintain control and alleviate or mask their feelings.

Unhealthy jealousy is sometimes rooted in fear of abandonment and a worry about not being truly loved. Unhealthy jealousy is characterized by:

• Being paranoid about what a partner is doing or feeling
• Demanding an account of where a partner has been
• Displaying unusual insecurity and fear
• Engaging in storytelling and making accusations that are not true
• Excessively questioning a partner's behaviors and motives
• Following or stalking a partner to confirm their whereabouts
• Infringing on a partner's freedom or prohibiting them from seeing friends or family
• Reading emails and texts or listening to voicemails expecting to discover infidelity or a lie
• Texting a partner non-stop when the couple is apart

When faced with a situation that might provoke jealousy, someone who struggles with this emotion may respond with fear, anger, grief, worry, sadness, doubt, pain, self-pity, and humiliation. They also may generally feel suspicious or threatened, or they may struggle with a sense of failure.

Jealousy can happen for many reasons, including:

• Being insecure or having a poor self-image
• Fearing abandonment or betrayal
• Feeling intense possessiveness or a desire for control
• Having a misguided sense of ownership over a partner
• Having unrealistic expectations about relationships in general
• Maintaining unrealistic expectations of a partner
• Reliving a hurtful experience of abandonment in the past
• Worrying about losing someone or something important

What causes insecurity in relationships?

Insecurities in a relationship can stem from a partner's lack of confidence in themselves (feeling like they are not worthy of their partner's esteem and love). A perceived or real threat (such as infidelity) can also cause jealousy and insecurities. So can a loss of intimacy or attachment or a failure to fully develop those bonds.

Jealousy Can Have Real Consequences

If jealousy is not processed in a healthy way, Schubert suggests that it can affect almost every aspect of a relationship. " Communication , sex, trust, and feelings of partnership will all likely suffer," she explains.

Unfortunately, it is not uncommon for couples to misinterpret jealousy for love, especially if it is generally healthy and infrequent. But abnormal jealousy is anything but loving. Abnormal jealousy wreaks havoc on a relationship as the jealous person becomes more and more fearful, angry, and controlling.

Communication will become more strained and tense because partners will be on the offense or defense instead of coming to a conversation empathetically.

Eventually, jealousy can lead to resentment and defensiveness. It also destroys the trust in a relationship and leads to more arguments, especially if the jealous person makes demands and constantly questions the other person.

Intense emotional experiences can also result in physical symptoms. Sometimes jealous people struggle with physical reactions like trembling, dizziness, depression , and trouble sleeping.

Schubert also says that sexual intimacy will become more difficult if jealousy is not addressed in a healthy way. "Sex can be an act of intense vulnerability, and if you're feeling unsafe in a relationship because of feelings of jealousy, it may be hard to connect with your partner in a vulnerable way," she says.

How to Deal With Jealousy in a Relationship

If you're experiencing jealousy, it is important to address it before it gets out of hand. Both you and your partner can learn how to handle jealousy in a healthy way.

Realize That Some Jealousy Is Normal

There will be people and situations that threaten the security of your relationship. Whether it is a flirtatious co-worker or a job that requires a lot of travel, it is normal to experience a little bit of jealousy. The important thing is that you take time to talk about your concerns and agree on some boundaries that will protect your relationship and your hearts.

For instance, you both may agree that limiting contact with a flirtatious co-worker is important for the health of the relationship. Or, you may decide that talking at bedtime while one spouse is on the road will alleviate concerns. The key is that you discuss the issues calmly and come up with solutions together.

Get to the Root of the Jealousy

When one partner is feeling jealous on a consistent basis, it is important to find out why that is happening. For instance, is the jealous partner feeling insecure because you are not spending much time together as a couple? Or, does the relationship have trust issues due to infidelity ?

Ask questions. Try to understand where the jealousy is coming from and what can be done to lessen it.

Create an Atmosphere of Trust

One of the best ways to guard against jealousy is to create an atmosphere of trust. This process begins with both partners being trustworthy. In other words, they are faithful, committed, and honest.

Trustworthy people do not lie about how they are spending their time. They also do not cheat on their spouses. If you both guard against these pitfalls, trust in the relationship will grow and crowd out jealousy.

Develop a Healthy Attachment

A relationship involves showing affection, spending time together, and building an attachment to one another. Any threats to your attachment should be a cause for concern. Jealousy is appropriate when it is a signal that the relationship is at risk.

Often, feelings of jealousy come from attachment styles learned as a child. If you're able to discuss jealousy that arises in a relationship from this perspective, it's easier to not get "lost in the weeds" and become defensive or aggressive.

Recognize When Jealousy Is Abusive

Jealousy in response to a real threat to the relationship is normal. But if one partner is jealous for no reason, this could be a red flag—especially if the jealousy includes extreme anger, unrealistic expectations, and unfounded accusations. What's more, this type of jealousy is not a one-time thing. It is a pattern of behavior that repeats.

Another hallmark of abusive or unhealthy jealousy is an attempt to exert control over another person as well as making outlandish accusations. If you are regularly defending yourself against your partner's unreasonable or accusatory questions, that is a red flag. You need to get help right away before things spiral out of control.

If you or a loved one are a victim of domestic violence, contact the  National Domestic Violence Hotline  at 1-800-799-7233 for confidential assistance from trained advocates.

For more mental health resources, see our  National Helpline Database .

If you are the one experiencing jealousy in your relationships, you may want to think about why. For instance, do you struggle with self-esteem or are you afraid your partner will leave you? Or has your partner been unfaithful in the past and you are worried it will happen again?

Either way, your feelings need to be dealt with. The best way to do that is to find a counselor or a therapist who can help you learn to manage your jealousy in healthy ways.

Like most other difficult emotional experiences, if treated correctly, jealousy can be a trigger for growth. Addressing jealousy can become the first step in increased self-awareness and greater understanding for both you and your partner.

Steps to overcoming jealous feelings often include:

• Accepting that jealousy is hurting your relationship
• Admitting that you're jealous
• Agreeing not to spy on your spouse
• Discussing the roots of your jealous feelings
• Making a decision to change your behavior
• Realizing you cannot control someone else, but you can control your reaction
• Seeking professional help as a couple if necessary
• Setting fair ground rules that you can both agree to

Open communication is essential. "Communicate about feelings openly, honestly, and without judgement," Schubert suggests.

When jealousy becomes unhealthy, it can destroy relationships and create toxic marriages . For this reason, if you are experiencing overwhelming jealousy that is interfering with the health of the relationship, it is important to find a therapist or counselor to help you understand why the jealousy exists. They can give you tools for coping with jealousy in a healthy way.

Get Help Now

We've tried, tested, and written unbiased reviews of the best online therapy programs including Talkspace, BetterHelp, and ReGain. Find out which option is the best for you.

Güçlü O, Şenormancı Ö, Şenormancı G, Köktürk F. Gender differences in romantic jealousy and attachment styles . Psychiatr Clin Psychopharmacol . 2017;27(4):359-365. doi:10.1080/24750573.2017.1367554

Rodriguez LM, DiBello AM, Øverup CS, Neighbors C. The price of distrust: Trust, anxious attachment, jealousy, and partner abuse .  Partner Abuse . 2015;6(3):298–319. doi:10.1891/1946-6560.6.3.298

Ligman K, Rodriguez LM, Rocek G. Jealousy and electronic intrusion mediated by relationship uncertainty in married and cohabiting couples during Covid-19 . Cyberpsychol Behav Soc Netw. 2021;24(7):444-449. doi:10.1089/cyber.2020.0669

Attridge M. Jealousy and relationship closeness: exploring the good (reactive) and bad (suspicious) sides of romantic jealousy . SAGE Open . 2013;3(1):215824401347605. doi:10.1177/2158244013476054

Richter M, Schlegel K, Thomas P, Troche SJ. Adult attachment and personality as predictors of jealousy in romantic relationships .  Front Psychol . 2022;13:861481. doi:10.3389/fpsyg.2022.861481

Nummenmaa L, Glerean E, Hari R, Hietanen JK. Bodily maps of emotions .  Proc Natl Acad Sci U S A . 2014;111(2):646–651. doi:10.1073/pnas.1321664111

By Sheri Stritof Sheri Stritof has written about marriage and relationships for 20+ years. She's the co-author of The Everything Great Marriage Book. 

Home — Essay Samples — Literature — Othello — How Iago’s Jealousy Leads To The Tragic Events In Othello

How Iago’s Jealousy Leads to The Tragic Events in Othello

• Categories: Othello William Shakespeare

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Words: 823 |

Published: Feb 8, 2022

Words: 823 | Pages: 2 | 5 min read

Works Cited

• Bloom, H. (Ed.). (2010). William Shakespeare's Othello. Infobase Publishing.
• Bradley, A. C. (1991). Shakespearean Tragedy: Lectures on Hamlet , Othello, King Lear, and Macbeth. Penguin UK.
• Brown, C. (2007). Othello: A Guide to the Play. Greenwood Publishing Group.
• Coleridge, S. T. (2009). Coleridge's Notebooks: A Selection. Oxford University Press.
• Greenblatt, S. (2015). The Norton Shakespeare: Based on the Oxford Edition. W. W. Norton & Company.
• Honigmann, E. A. J. (1997). Othello: Critical Essays. Routledge.
• Shakespeare, W. (2018). Othello (Arden Shakespeare Third Series). Bloomsbury Arden Shakespeare.
• Smith, I. (2013). Key Concepts in Renaissance Literature. Edinburgh University Press.
• Vaughn, J. (2015). Othello: A Contextual History. Cambridge University Press.
• Wells, S. (Ed.). (2004). The Cambridge Companion to Shakespeare on Stage. Cambridge University Press.

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Guest Essay

Israel’s Rafah Incursion Helps No One Except Netanyahu

By Shira Efron

Dr. Efron is a senior director of policy research at the Israel Policy Forum.

Three days after it began, Israel’s operation in Rafah looks like a microcosm of its seven-month-long fight in Gaza: an attempt to check a tactical box rather than a strategic move with a definitive goal in the fight against Hamas.

As a limited incursion, it could be the least bad of Israel’s bad options, and even prove successful if it helps achieve a more favorable hostage deal or a cease-fire agreement. However, judging by the war’s conduct to date, it’s more likely that the operation will, in the end, backfire.

So far, the Israel Defense Forces has ordered the evacuation in the eastern outskirts of the city, taken over a two-mile-long section of the so-called Philadelphi Corridor along Gaza’s border with Egypt and occupied the Gaza side of the Rafah crossing, which is not actually in the city of Rafah.

The stated goal of the operation is to wrest control of the Rafah crossing to Egypt from Hamas to stop the smuggling of arms and goods that can be used for military purposes, to carry out targeted raids and to weaken Hamas’s ability to siphon off humanitarian aid. Taking the crossing also removes Hamas control over a lifeline to the outside world and an international border — a strong symbol of sovereignty. In addition, Israel hopes that the operation will pressure Hamas to agree to a better hostage deal, which would bring about the return at least initially of all living women, elderly and injured men.

But the risk of the operation spinning out of control outweighs the likelihood of that rosiest outcome.

First, the operation has quickly brought tense Israeli-Egyptian ties to their lowest point. The risk of a diplomatic rift is imminent. Egypt clearly fears that the operation itself or a Hamas attack on the border fence could lead to an exodus of tens of thousands of Gazans into the Sinai Peninsula. Even short of this worst-case scenario, Egypt was reportedly furious at the unchecked behavior of I.D.F. troops on the other side of the crossing after they took it over on Tuesday, such as hoisting Israeli flags.

Second, the operation has worsened the humanitarian disaster in Gaza, with Israel telling some 100,000 people to leave for their safety. The Muwasi region where they have been ordered to go lacks enough infrastructure and supplies for a lengthy stay. In addition, the closing of the Rafah crossing hurts efforts to improve the conditions for people in Gaza, severely limiting the number of trucks carrying food and other necessities allowed in. With Israel now controlling all crossings into Gaza, it is now Israel that will be held accountable, even if Hamas attacks aid convoys and infrastructure. Having been blamed for starving children in Gaza, Israel cannot afford even a slight humanitarian deterioration, nor can Gazans.

Third, even if the limited military campaign in Rafah is successful in destroying Hamas, without a strategy and realistic vision for postwar Gaza that supports a revitalized Palestinian Authority and links Gaza with the West Bank, any achievements will be short-lived. Hamas has resurged in the northern part of the Strip after the I.D.F. withdrew, precisely because Israel failed to connect its military campaign to a political and diplomatic plan. Without such a plan, the Rafah operation risks becoming yet another tactical failure in the war.

Finally, the operation could lead Hamas to harden its positions, thinking that time is on its side. With global public opinion already against Israel , additional civilian casualties and humanitarian suffering would pressure Israel further, forcing it to agree to a cease-fire under unfavorable conditions. Because Hamas sees the hostages as an insurance policy for its leadership survival, it is far from certain that the current military pressure will make its release of hostages more likely.

If Hamas does not compromise soon, Israel may expand the operation into a full invasion, inflicting huge destruction and casualties in Gaza, and increasing international condemnation at a time when Israel is facing diplomatic pressure on many sides.

On Friday, the U.N. General Assembly may hold a symbolic vote on recommending that Palestine be declared a de facto state. Israel is also facing a genocide case at the International Court of Justice and possible issuance of arrest warrants by the International Criminal Court for Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu and other top officials. The United States last week put on hold an arms shipment to Israel. At least five other countries — Belgium, Canada, Italy, the Netherlands and Spain — have halted weapons sales to Israel. Several countries have cut ties with Israel or recalled an ambassador, and Turkey has stopped trade with it.

There is of course one person in Israel that the incursion benefits: Mr. Netanyahu. For more than three months he has rhetorically hammered away at Rafah as the last bastion of Hamas’s military presence and promised an invasion.

This operation is Mr. Netanyahu’s attempt to square the circle. On the one hand, he seeks to cater to his political base and appease his coalition partners, who both expect him to deliver on his promise to achieve “total victory” that includes annihilation of Hamas as a military and governing force. On the other hand, he does not want to fully ignore the Biden administration’s veto on going into Rafah or give the impression that he is not completely engaged in negotiations to free Israeli hostages. Mr. Netanyahu’s solution is to invade Rafah without actually invading Rafah.

This is where Mr. Netanyahu’s personal interests diverge from his country’s. One widely held view in Israel is that since Oct. 7 he has sought to prolong the war, including at the expense of the hostages. A continuing war delays a sweeping national investigation commission into the failures that led to the Oct. 7 massacre as well as putting off elections, which will most likely bring an end to Mr. Netanyahu’s tenure.

Hopefully, the Rafah incursion is not another delaying tactic, but rather a real attempt at obtaining a better hostage deal. The jury is still out. But the only viable way to avert the incursion’s failure is by keeping it limited and linking military achievements to political aims by creating a day-after vision that offers a nonviolent alternative to Hamas. Mr. Netanyahu must view Rafah as a means to larger ends, rather than an end in itself.

Shira Efron is a senior director of policy research at the Israel Policy Forum. She previously led the Israel program at the RAND Corporation and was a consultant with the United Nations in Jerusalem on Gaza access.

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