how do you start a memoir essay

Write a Great Memoir: How to Start (and Actually Finish) Your First Draft

by Joe Bunting | 1 comment

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When I first started writing my memoir, Crowdsourcing Paris , about a real-life adventure I experienced with my wife and ten-month-old son, I thought it was going to be easy.

After all, by that point in my career, I had already written four books, two of which became bestsellers. I’ve got this, I thought. Simple.

It wasn’t. By the time Crowdsourcing Paris was published and became a #1 New Release on Amazon, it was more than five years later. During that time, I made just about every mistake, but I also learned a process that will reliably help anyone to start and finish writing a great memoir.

My memoir, Crowdsourcing Paris , as a #1 New Release on Amazon!

In this guide, I want to talk about how you can start writing your memoir, how you can actually finish it, and how you can make sure it’s good .

If you read this article from start to finish, it will save you hundreds of hours and result in a much better finished memoir.

Hot tip : Throughout this guide, I will be referencing my memoir Crowdsourcing Paris as an example. To get the most out of this guide and the memoir writing process in general, get a copy of the book to use as an example. Order your copy here »

But Wait! What Is a Memoir? (Memoir Definition)

How do you know if you're writing a memoir? Here's a quick memoir definition:

A memoir is a book length account or autobiography about a real life situation or event. It usually includes a pivotal experience in your life journey.

A key point to make is that memoir is a  true story . You don't have to get every piece of dialogue perfect, but you do have to try to tell the personal story or experience as best as you remember.

If you're looking to fictionalize your real life account you're writing a novel, not a memoir (and specifically a roman à clef novel ).

For more on the difference between a novel and a memoir, check out this coaching video:

How to Get Started With Your Memoir: 10 Steps Before You Start Writing

This guide is broken into sections: what to do before you start writing and how to write your first draft.

When most people decide to write a memoir, they just start writing. They write about the first life experience they can think of.

That’s sort of what I did too. I just started writing about my trip to Paris, beginning with how I first decided to go as a way to become a “real writer.” It turned out to be the biggest mistake I made.

If you want to finish your memoir, and even more, write a good memoir, just starting with the first memory you can think of will make things much harder for you.

Instead, get started with a memoir plan.

What’s a memoir plan? There are ten elements. Let’s break it down.

Get the memoir plan in a downloadable worksheet. Click to download your memoir plan »

1. Write Your Memoir Premise in One Sentence

The first part of a memoir plan is your premise. A premise is a one-sentence summary of your book idea.

You might be wondering, how can I summarize my entire life in a single sentence?

The answer is, you can’t. Memoir isn’t a full autobiography. It’s not meant to be a historical account of your entire life story. Instead, it should share one specific situation and what you learned from that situation.

Every memoir premise should contain three things:

• A Character. For your memoir, that character will always be you . For the purposes of your premise, though, it’s a good idea to practice thinking of yourself as the main character of your story. So describe yourself in third person and use one descriptive adjective, e.g. a cautious writer.
• A Situation. Memoirs are about a specific event, situation, or experience. For example, Marion Roach Smith’s bestselling memoir was about the discovery that her mother had Alzheimer’s, which at the time was a fairly unknown illness. My memoir, Crowdsourcing Paris , begins on the first day of my trip to Paris and ends on the day I left. You can’t write about everything, at least in this book. But you can write about one thing well, and save all the other ideas for the next book.
• A Lesson. What life lesson did you learn from this situation? How did your life change inexorably after going through this situation? Again, here you can’t write about everything you’ve ever learned. Choose ONE life lesson or emotional truth and focus on it.

Want to see how a premise actually looks? Here’s an example from my memoir Crowdsourcing Paris :

When a Cautious Writer is forced by his audience to do uncomfortable adventures in Paris he learns the best stories come when you get out of your comfort zone.

One thing to note: a premise is not a book description. My book description, which you can see here , is totally different from the premise. It’s more suspenseful and also less detailed in some ways. That’s because the purpose of a premise isn’t to sell books.

What is the premise of your memoir? Share it in the comments below!

2. Set a Deadline to Finish Your First Draft

Or if you’ve already finished a draft, set a deadline to finish your next draft.

This is crucial to do now , before you do anything else. Why? Because there are parts of the memoir plan that you can spend months, even years on. But while planning is helpful, it can easily become a distraction if you don’t get to the writing part of the process.

That’s why you want to put a time limit on your planning by setting a deadline.

How long should the deadline be?

Stephen King says you should write a first draft in no longer than a season. So ninety days.

In my 100 Day Book program, we’ve helped hundreds of memoir writers finish their book in just 100 days. To me, that’s a good amount of time to finish a first draft.

However, I wouldn’t take any longer than 100 days. Writing a book requires a level of focus that’s difficult to achieve over a long period of time. If you set your deadline for longer than 100 days, you might never finish.

Also set weekly milestones.

In addition to your final deadline, I recommend breaking up the writing process into weekly milestones.

If you’re going to write a 65,000-word memoir over 100 days, let’s say, then divide 65,000 by the number of weeks (about 14) to get your weekly word count goal: about 4,600 words per week.

That will give you a sense of how much progress you’re making each week, so you won’t be in a huge rush to finish right at the end of your deadline. After all, no one can pull an all-nighter and finish a book! Create a writing habit that will enable you to actually finish your book.

Keep track of your word count deadlines.

By the way, this is one reason I love Scrivener , my favorite book writing software , because it allows you to set a target deadline and word count. Then Scrivener automatically calculates how much you need to write every day to reach your deadline.

It’s a great way to keep track of your deadline and how much more you have to write. Check out my review of Scrivener to learn more.

3. Create Consequences to Make Quitting Hard

I’ve learned from experience that a deadline alone isn’t enough. You also have to give your deadline teeth .

Writing a book is hard. To make sure that you show up to the page and do the work you need to finish, you need to make it harder to not write.

How? By creating consequences.

I learned this from a friend of mine, writer and book marketing expert Tim Grahl .

“If you really want to finish your book,” he told me, “write a check for $1,000 to a charity you hate. Then give that check to a friend with instructions to send it if you don’t hit your deadline.”

“I don’t need to do that,” I told him. “I’m a pro. I have discipline.” But a month later, after I still hadn’t made any progress on my memoir, I finally decided to take his advice.

This was during the 2016 U.S. presidential election. So I wrote a $1,000 check to the presidential candidate that I most disliked (who shall remain nameless!), and gave it to a friend with instructions to send the check if I didn’t hit my final deadline.

I also created smaller consequences for the weekly deadlines, which I highly recommend. Here’s how it works:

Consequence #1 : Small consequence, preferably related to a guilty pleasure that might keep you from writing. For example, giving up a game on your phone or watching TV until you finish your book.

Consequence #2 : Giving up a guilty pleasure. For example, giving up ice cream, soda, or alcohol until you finish your book.

Consequence #3 : Send the $1,000 check to the charity you hate.

Each of these would happen if I missed three weekly deadlines. If I missed the final deadline, then just the $1,000 check would get sent.

After I put in each of these consequences, I was the most focused and productive I’ve ever been in my life. I finished my book in just nine weeks and never missed a deadline.

If you actually want to finish your memoir, give this process a try. I think you’ll be surprised by how well it works for you.

4. Decide What Kind of Story You’re Telling

Now that you’ve set your deadline, start thinking about what kind of book you’re writing. What is your story really about?

“Memoir is about something you know after something you’ve been through,” says Marion Roach Smith, author of The Memoir Project .

I think there are seven types of stories that most memoirs are about.

• Coming of Age. A story about a young person finding their place in the world. A great example is 7 Story Mountain  by Thomas Merton.
• Education. An education story , according to Kim Kessler and Story Grid, is about a naive character who, through the course of the story, comes to a bigger understanding of the world that gives meaning to their existing life. My memoir, Crowdsourcing Paris , is a great example of an education memoir.
• Love. A love story is about a romantic relationship, either the story of a breakup or of two characters coming together. Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert is a great example of a love story memoir, as it tells the story of her divorce and then re-discovering herself and love as she travels the world.
• Adventure/Action. All adventure stories are about life and death situations. Also, most travel memoirs are adventure stories. Wild by Cheryl Strayed is a great example, and Crowdsourcing Paris is also an adventure story. (You can apply the principles from our How to Write Adventure guide here , too!)
• Performance. Performance memoirs are about a big competition or a competitive pursuit. Julie and Julia , Julie Powell’s memoir about cooking her way through Julia Child’s recipes, is a good example of a performance memoir. Outlaw Platoon , about the longest-serving Ranger platoon in Afghanistan, is another great performance story.
• Thriller. Memoirs about abuse or even an illness could fall into the crime, horror, or thriller arena. (Our full guide on How to Write a Thriller is here .)
• Society. What is wrong with society? And how can you rebel against the status quo? Society stories are very common as memoirs. I would also argue that most humor memoirs are society stories, since they talk about one person’s funny, transgressive view on society. Anything by David Sedaris, for example, is a society memoir.

For more on all of these genres, check out Story Grid’s article How to Use Story Grid to Write a Memoir .

Three Stories

Note that I included my memoir in two categories. That’s because most books, including memoirs, are actually a combination of three stories. You have:

• An external story. For example, Crowdsourcing Paris is an adventure story.
• An internal story . As I said, Crowdsourcing Paris is an education story.
• A subplot . Usually the subplot is another external story, in my case, a love story.

What three stories are you telling in your memoir?

5. Visualize Your Intention

One of the things that I’ve learned as I’ve coached hundreds of writers to finish their books is that if you visualize the following you are much more likely to follow through and accomplish your writing goals:

• Where you're going to write
• When you're going to write
• How much you're going to write

Here I want you to actively visualize yourself at your favorite writing spot accomplishing the word count goal that you set in step two.

For example, when I was writing Crowdsourcing Paris , I would imagine myself sitting at this one café that was eight doors down from my office. I liked it because it had a little bit of a French feel. Then I would imagine myself there from eight in the morning until about ten.

Finally, I would actively visualize myself watching the word count tracker go from 999 to 1,000 words, which was my goal every day. Just that process of imagining my intention was so helpful.

What is your intention? Where, when, and how much will you write? Imagine yourself actually sitting there in the place you’re going to write your memoir.

6. Who Will Be On Your Team?

No one can write a book alone. I learned this the hard way, and the result was that it took me five years to finish my memoir.

For every other book that I had written, I had other people holding me accountable. Without my team, I know that I would never have written those books. But when I tried to write my memoir, I thought, I can do this on my own. I don’t need accountability, encouragement, and support. I’ve got this.

To figure out who you need to help you finish your memoir, create three different lists of people:

• Other writers. These are people who you can process, with who know the process of writing a book. Some will be a little bit ahead of you, so that when you get stuck, they can encourage you and say, “I’ve been there. You’re going to get through it. Keep working.”
• Readers. Or if you don’t have readers, friends and family. These will be the people who give you feedback on your finished book before it’s published, e.g. beta readers.
• Professional editors. But you also need professional feedback. I recommend listing two different editors here, a content editor to give feedback on the book as a whole (for example, I recommend a Write Practice Certified Coach), and a proofreader or line editor to help polish the final draft. (Having professional editing software is smart too. We like ProWritingAid. Check out our ProWritingAid review .)

Just remember: it takes a team to finish a book. Don’t try to do it on your own.

And if you don’t have relationships with other writers who can be on your team, check out The Write Practice Pro. This is the community I post my writing in to get feedback. Many of my best writing friends came directly from this community. You can learn more about The Write Practice Pro here .

7. What Other Books Will Inspire You?

“Books are made from books,” said Cormac McCarthy. Great writers learn how to write great books by reading other great books, and so should you.

I recommend finding three to five other memoirs that can inspire you during the writing process.

I recommend two criteria for the books you choose:

• Commercially successful. If you want your book to be commercially successful, choose other books that have done well in the marketplace.
• Similar story type. Try to find books that are the same story type that you learned in step four.

For my memoir, I had four main sources of inspiration.

Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert; The Innocents Abroad by Mark Twain; A Moveable Feast by Ernest Hemingway; and Midnight in Paris , the film by Woody Allen.

I referred back to these sources all the time. For example, when I was stuck on the climactic scene in the memoir, I watched one scene in A Midnight in Paris twenty times until I could quote the dialogue. I still didn’t come up with the solution until the next day, but understanding how other writers solved the problems I was facing helped me figure out my own solutions for my story.

8. Who Is Your Reader Avatar?

Who is your book going to be for? Or who is the one person you’ll think of when you write your book? When the writing gets hard and you want to quit, who will be most disappointed if you never finish your book?

I learned this idea from J.R.R. Tolkien, who wrote his novel The Hobbit for his three boys as a bedtime story. Every day he would work on his pages, and every night he would go home and read them to his sons. And this gave him an amazing way to get feedback. He knew whether they laughed at one part or got bored at another.

This helped him make his story better, but I also imagine it gave him a tremendous amount of motivation.

This Can Be You, Sort Of

I don’t think your reader avatar should be you. When it comes to your own writing, you are the least objective person.

There’s one caveat: you can be your own reader avatar IF you’re writing to a version of yourself at a different time. For example, I have friends who have imagined they were writing to a younger version of themselves.

Who will you write your memoir for?

9. Publishing and Marketing

How will you publish your book? Will you go the traditional route or will you self-publish? Who is your target market (check your reader avatar for help)? What will you do to promote and market your book? Do you have an author website ?

It might be strange to start planning for the publishing and marketing of your book before you ever start writing it, but what I’ve discovered is that when you think through the entire writing process, from the initial idea all the way through the publishing and marketing process, you are much more likely to finish your book.

In fact, in my 100 Day Book program, I found that people who finished this planning process were 52 percent more likely to finish their book.

Spend some time thinking about your publishing and marketing plans. Just thinking about it will help you when you start writing.

Start Building Your Audience Before You Need It

In the current publishing climate, most memoir agents and publishers want you to have some kind of relationship with an audience before they will consider your book.

Start building an audience before you need it. The first step to building an audience, and the first step to publishing in general, is building an author website. If you don’t have a website yet, you can find our full author website guide here .

(Building a website doesn’t have to be intimidating or time-consuming if you have the right guide.)

10. Outline Your Memoir

The final step of the planning process is your memoir outline . This could be the subject of a whole article itself. Here, I’ve learned so much from Story Grid, but if you don’t have time to read the book and listen to over 100 podcast episodes, here’s a quick and dirty process for you.

But First, for the Pantsers

There are two types of writers: the plotters and the pansters . Plotters like to outline. Pantsers think outlining crushes their creative freedom and hate it.

If you identify with the pantsers, that’s okay. Don’t worry too much about this step. I would still recommend writing something in this section of your memoir plan, even if you only know a few moments that will happen in the book, even recording a series of events might help as you plan.

And for you plotters, outline to your heart’s content, as long as you’ve already set your deadline!

Outlining Tips

When you’re ready to start outlining, here are a few tips:

• Begin by writing down all the big moments in your life that line up with your premise. Your premise is the foundation of your story. Anything outside of that premise should be cut.
• S eparate your life events into three acts. One of the most common story structures in writing is the three-act story structure. Act 1 should contain about 25 percent of your story, Act 2 about 50 percent of your story, and Act 3 about 25 percent.
• Act 1 should begin as late into the story as possible. In Crowdsourcing Paris , like most travel memoirs, I began the story the day I arrived in Paris.
• Use flashbacks, but carefully. Since I began Crowdsourcing Paris so late into the action, I used flashbacks to provide some details about what happened to lead up to the trip. Flashbacks can be overused, though, so only include full scenes and don’t info dump with flashbacks.
• Start big. The first scene in your book should be a good representation of what your book is about. So if you’re writing an adventure story (see Step 4), then you should have a life or death moment as the first scene. If you’re writing a love story, you should have a moment of love or love lost.
• End Act 1 with a decision. It is you, and specifically your decisions , that drive the action of your memoir. So what important decision did you make that will drive us into Act 2?
• Start Act 2 with your subplot. In Step 4, I said most books are made up of three stories. Your subplot is an important part of your book, and in most great stories, your subplot begins in Act 2.
• Act 2 begins with a period of “fun and games.” Save the Cat , one of my favorite books for writers, says that after the tension you built with the big decision in Act 1, the first few scenes in Act 2 should be fun and feel good, with things going relatively well for the protagonist.
• Center your second act on the “all is lost” moment. Great stories are about a character who comes to the end of him or herself. The all is lost moment is my favorite to write, because it’s where the character (in this case you ) has the most opportunity to grow. What is YOUR “all is lost” moment?
• Act 3 contains your final climactic moment. For Crowdsourcing Paris , this was the moment when I thought I was going to die. In a love story memoir, it might be when you finally work things out and commit to your partner.
• Act 3 is also where you show the big lesson of the memoir. Emphasis on show. Back in Step 1, you identified the lesson of your memoir. Act 3 is when you finally demonstrate what you’ve learned throughout the memoir in one major event.
• A tip for the final scene: end your memoir with the subplot. This gives a sense of completion to your story and works as a great final moment.

Use the tips above to create a rough outline of your memoir. Keep in mind, when you start writing, things might completely change. That’s okay! The point with your plan isn’t to be perfect. It’s to think through your story from beginning to end so that you’ll be prepared when you get to that point in the writing process.

Want to make this process as easy as possible? Get the memoir plan in a downloadable worksheet. Click to download your memoir plan »

That’s the end of the planning stage of this guide. Now let’s talk about how to write your first draft.

How to Write the First Draft of Your Memoir

If you’ve followed the steps above to create a memoir plan, you’ve done the important work. Writing a memoir, like writing any book, is hard. But it will actually be harder to not be successful if you’ve followed all the steps in the memoir plan.

But once you’ve created the “perfect” plan, it’s time to do the dirty work of writing a first draft.

In part two of our guide, you’ll learn how to write and finish a first draft.

1. Forget Perfection and Write Badly.

First drafts are messy. In fact, Anne Lamott calls them “shitty first drafts” because they are almost always terrible.

Even though I know that, though, any time I’m working on a new writing project, I still get it into my head that my first draft should be a masterpiece.

It usually takes me staring at a blank screen for a few hours before I admit defeat and just start writing.

If you’re reading this, don’t do that! Instead, start by writing badly.

Besides, when you’ve done the hard planning work, what you write will probably be a lot better than you think.

2. Willpower Doesn’t Work. Neither Does Inspiration. Instead, Use the “3 Minute Timer Trick.”

My biggest mistake when I began Crowdsourcing Paris was to think I had the willpower I needed as a professional writer and author of four books to finish the book on my own. Even worse, I thought I would be so inspired that the book would basically write itself.

I didn’t. It took not making much progress on my book for more than a year to realize I needed help.

The best thing you can do to help you focus on the writing process for your second draft is what we talked about in Step 4: Creating a Consequence.

But if you still need help, try my “3 Minute Timer Trick.” Here’s how it works:

• Set a timer for three minutes. Why three minutes? Because for me, I’m so distractible I can’t focus for more than three minutes. I think anyone can focus for three minutes though, even me.
• Write as fast as you can. Don’t think, just write!
• When the timer ends, write down your total word count in a separate document (see image below). Then subtract from the previous word count to calculate how many words you wrote during that session.
• Also write down any distractions during those three minutes. Did the phone ring? Did you have a tough urge to scroll through Facebook or play a game on your phone? Write it down.
• Then, repeat the process by starting the timer again. Can you beat your word count?

This process is surprisingly helpful, especially when you don’t feel like writing. After all, you might not have it in you to write for an hour, but anyone can write for three minutes.

And the amazing thing is that once you’ve started, you might find it much easier to keep going.

Other Tools for Writers

By the way, if you’re looking for the tools I use and other pro writers I know use, check out our Best Tools for Creative Writers guide here .

3. Make Your Weekly Deadlines.

You can’t finish your book in an all-nighter. That being said, you can finish a chapter of your book in an all-nighter.

That’s why it’s so important to have the weekly deadlines we talked about in Part 1, Step 2 of this guide.

By breaking up the writing process into a series of weekly deadlines, you give yourself an achievable framework to finish your book. And with the consequences you set in Step 3 of your memoir plan, you give your deadlines the teeth they need to hold you accountable.

And as I mentioned above, Scrivener is especially helpful for keeping track of deadlines (among other things). If you haven’t yet, check out my review of Scrivener here .

4. Keep Your Team Updated.

Having a hard time? It’s normal. Talk to your team about it.

It seems like when you’re writing a book, everything in the universe conspires against you. You get into a car accident, you get sick, you get into a massive fight with your spouse or family member, you get assigned a new project at your day job.

Writing a book would be hard enough on its own, but when you have the rest of your life to deal with, it can become almost impossible.

Without your team, which we talked about in Step 6 of your book plan, it would be.

For me, I would never have been able to finish one book, let alone the twelve that I’ve now finished, without the support, encouragement, and accountability of the other writers whom I call friends, the readers who believe in me, and most of all, my wife.

Remember: No book is finished alone. When things get hard, talk about it with your team.

And if you need a team, consider joining mine. The Write Practice Pro is a supportive encouraging community of writers and editors. It’s where I get feedback on my writing, and you can get it here too. Learn more about the community here.

5. Finally, Trust the Process.

When I walk writers through the first draft writing process, inevitably, around day sixty, they start to lose faith.

• They think their book is the all-time worst book ever written.
• They get a new idea they want to work on instead.
• They decide the dream to write a book and become a writer was foolish.
• They want to quit.

A few do quit at this point.

But the ones who keep going discover that in just a few weeks they’ve figured out most of the problems in their book, they’re on their last pages, and they’re almost finished.

It happens every time, even to me.

If you take nothing else from this post, please hear this: keep going. Never quit. If you follow this process from start to finish, you’re going to make it, and it’s going to be awesome.

I’m so excited for you.

How to Finish Your Memoir

More than half of this guide is about the planning process. That’s because if you start well, you’ll finish well.

If you create the right plan, then all that’s left is doing the hard, messy work of writing.

Without the right plan, it’s SO easy to get lost along the way.

That’s why I hope you’ll download my Memoir Plan Worksheet. Getting lost in the writing process is inevitable. This plan will become your map when it happens. Click to download the Memoir Plan Worksheet.

More than anything, though, I hope you’ll never quit. It took me five years to write Crowdsourcing Paris , but during that time I matured and grew so much as a writer and a person, all because I didn’t quit.

Even if it takes you five years, the life lessons you’ll learn as you write your book will be worth it.

And if you’re interested in a real-life adventure story set in Paris, I’d be honored if you’d read Crowdsourcing Paris . I think you’ll love it.

Good luck and happy writing.

More Writing Resources:

• How to Write a Memoir Outline: 7 Essential Steps For Your Memoir Outline
• 7 Steps to a Powerful Memoir
• The Memoir Project by Marion Roach Smith
• Crowdsourcing Paris by J.H. Bunting

Are you going to commit to writing a memoir (and never quitting, no matter what)? Let me know in the comments .

Summarize your memoir idea in the form of a one-sentence premise. Make sure it contains all three elements:

• A character
• A situation

Take fifteen minutes to craft your premise. When you’re finished, share your memoir premise in the Pro Practice Workshop for feedback. And if you share, please be sure to give feedback to three other writers. Not a member? Join us .

Joe Bunting

Joe Bunting is an author and the leader of The Write Practice community. He is also the author of the new book Crowdsourcing Paris , a real life adventure story set in France. It was a #1 New Release on Amazon. Follow him on Instagram (@jhbunting).

Want best-seller coaching? Book Joe here.

Work with Joe Bunting?

WSJ Bestselling author, founder of The Write Practice, and book coach with 14+ years experience. Joe Bunting specializes in working with Action, Adventure, Fantasy, Historical Fiction, How To, Literary Fiction, Memoir, Mystery, Nonfiction, Science Fiction, and Self Help books. Sound like a good fit for you?

One of my book chapters has been accepted for publication, but I lack confidence in the accuracy of what I have written. I have completed the chapter, but I would appreciate your assistance in improving its quality.

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How to Begin Your Memoir: A Guide to Personal Storytelling

Last Updated: January 9, 2024 Fact Checked

This article was reviewed by Gerald Posner and by wikiHow staff writer, Finn Kobler . Gerald Posner is an Author & Journalist based in Miami, Florida. With over 35 years of experience, he specializes in investigative journalism, nonfiction books, and editorials. He holds a law degree from UC College of the Law, San Francisco, and a BA in Political Science from the University of California-Berkeley. He’s the author of thirteen books, including several New York Times bestsellers, the winner of the Florida Book Award for General Nonfiction, and has been a finalist for the Pulitzer Prize in History. He was also shortlisted for the Best Business Book of 2020 by the Society for Advancing Business Editing and Writing. There are 11 references cited in this article, which can be found at the bottom of the page. This article has been fact-checked, ensuring the accuracy of any cited facts and confirming the authority of its sources. This article has been viewed 2,537 times.

A memoir is arguably the most personal type of story you can tell. It provides an intimate snapshot of your life and offers readers a unique insight into your past. So how do you start writing one? In this article, we’ll offer you comprehensive advice on how to make the opening of your memoir pop. Keep reading to keep your audience engaged from the very first page.

Things You Should Know

• Begin your memoir with a dramatic opening sequence that captures your reader’s attention and introduces the conflict of the story they’ll be reading about.
• Use humor and vivid imagery to build a relationship with your reader and make them feel immersed in your story from the first paragraph.
• A memoir tells the story of one specific period in your life, not your entire life story. Clarify what this specific event is within the first chapter.

Begin your memoir with a dramatic, personal moment.

• For example, Ron Kovic’s famous memoir Born on the Fourth of July begins with: “The blood is still rolling off my flak jacket from the hole in my shoulder.” He soon jumps back in time to explain how he got into this situation, but the reader is now invested because they know this intense moment will be coming soon.

Use humor to earn your audience’s trust.

• Irony - saying one thing and meaning the opposite (“There were storm clouds everywhere, thunder echoing at deafening volume, and unrelenting rain. It was a great day for a picnic.”)
• Incongruity - making an unexpected, illogical choice to surprise and delight the reader (“I opened the wine bottle to let it breathe, but it started hyperventilating.”)
• Self-deprecation - making fun of yourself to humanize yourself to the reader (“I looked at myself in the mirror and my reflection screamed in terror.”)
• Understatement - describing a dramatic situation in an intentionally nonchalant way to ease the tension (“The day my grandfather died was mildly unpleasant.”)
• Hyperbole - exaggerating something to emphasize a situation’s silliness or absurdity (“My little brother took the last Snicker’s bar so we have to put him down.”)

Set up a character arc in the first few pages.

• For example, in Elizabeth Gilbert’s memoir Eat, Pray, Love , she begins the first chapter as a timid housewife who’s disillusioned in life and love. By setting her up this way, it’s all the more meaningful when she learns to find happiness, joy, and romance.

Establish a personal relationship with your reader.

• For example, you might say “I’ve never told anyone this. Here goes: I have a shrine to lizards in my bedroom. or “I’m writing you because I feel lost. If you feel lost too, keep reading.”

Use vivid imagery to put your reader in your shoes.

• For example, instead of “I heard footsteps and felt a tingle of joy because I knew my dad was home,” you might write “THUNK-THUNK! Footsteps echoed through the wood of our old 1930’s home. A tingle of joy pulsed through each vertebra in my spine. Dad was home!”

Write honestly and without a filter.

• For example, if you’re writing about yourself in high school, you probably wouldn’t describe your friends as “kindly, warmhearted souls who made worries disappear like tears in rain” (even if it sounds poetic). It’s okay to use terms like “chiller” or “dude” if that’s how you talk.
• One thing that causes most memoirists to censor themselves is fear of how the people in their life might react to seeing themselves in a story. If you need to, use a pseudonym and change their names to respect privacy. But don’t let that change how you tell your story!

Clarify what event your memoir is about early on.

• For example, if your memoir is about your experience in the military, you might want to open your book with a moment from your experiences overseas. If it’s your whacky journey to stand-up comedy, you might want to describe your first open mic.

Convey a tone and mood that matches the stories of your memoir.

• For an inspirational memoir , select stories about triumph and overcoming adversity: living through a natural disaster, finding faith and spirituality after feeling lost, or reconciling an estranged relationship after one of you made a mistake.
• For a comedic memoir , select stories about silly, awkward, and uncomfortable situations that lots of people may relate to: an outrageous family reunion, the awkwardness of middle school, or public humiliation.
• For a travel memoir , select stories in unique settings where it almost feels like the location itself is a character: a trip to Fiji where you can feel the sand between your toes, hiking in Yosemite under the lush green trees, the brassy jazz that echoes out of New Orleans.
• For a confessional memoir , select cathartic stories about taboos or secrets you haven’t told anyone before: struggles with addiction, behind-the-scenes details about your industry, family traumas you kept hidden.

Highlight potential themes in your first chapter.

• For example, if your memoir takes place at a picnic and the theme is teamwork, you could write about the friends at this lunch you felt you could confide in, the beehive you saw where all the bees worked as a community, or the beauty of the interlocking squares on the blanket.
• Use word choice to convey the theme too. For example, if your theme is teamwork, you might use adjectives like “harmony,” “synergy,” and “congeniality” to describe positive experiences and “loneliness,” “isolation,” or solitude to describe negative ones.

Avoid getting lost in irrelevant details.

• Think of a memoir like a story you’d tell to someone face-to-face. If someone asks “What was 8th grade like for you?” you probably wouldn’t go on a tangent about your dog, unless that dog played a key role in your 8th-grade year.

Write your memoir’s opening last.

Recognize that your memoir’s opening won’t be perfect at first.

• Once you’ve finished your first draft, avoid working on your memoir for 2-4 weeks. Give yourself space to replenish your creative juices for the rewrite.

Expert Q&A

You might also like.

• ↑ https://www.mtnbrook.k12.al.us/cms/lib/AL01901445/Centricity/Domain/676/Narrative%20Hook.pdf
• ↑ https://examples.yourdictionary.com/common-types-of-humor-used-in-literature.html
• ↑ https://www.tlu.ee/~rajaleid/montaazh/Hero%27s%20Journey%20Arch.pdf
• ↑ https://slate.com/human-interest/2013/01/bad-memoir-writing-rules-for-doing-it-well.html
• ↑ https://www.austincc.edu/andreac/imagery
• ↑ http://www2.csudh.edu/ccauthen/451S12/kowit-honesty.htm
• ↑ https://owl.purdue.edu/owl/resources/writing_instructors/creative_nonfiction_in_writing_courses/the_personal_memoir.html
• ↑ https://owl.purdue.edu/owl/general_writing/writing_style/diction/tone_mood_audience.html
• ↑ https://www.delmar.edu/offices/swc/_resources/Literature/theme.pdf
• ↑ http://content.principia.edu/teaching-excellence/write-the-introduction-last/
• ↑ https://sites.temple.edu/izzyshabazzcwblog/2021/03/09/shitty-first-drafts-by-a-lamott/

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How to Write a Memoir Essay

October 12, 2023

What is a Memoir Essay?

A memoir essay is a form of autobiographical writing that focuses on a specific aspect of the author’s life. Unlike a traditional autobiography, which typically covers the author’s entire life, a memoir essay hones in on a particular event, time period, or theme. It is a deeply personal and reflective piece that allows the writer to delve into their memories, thoughts, and emotions surrounding their chosen subject.

In a memoir essay, the author aims to not only recount the events that took place but also provide insight into the impact and meaning of those experiences. It is a unique opportunity for self-discovery and exploration, while also offering readers a glimpse into the author’s world. The beauty of a memoir essay lies in its ability to weave together personal anecdotes, vivid descriptions, and introspective reflections to create a compelling narrative.

Writing a memoir essay can be both challenging and rewarding. It requires careful selection of memories, thoughtful introspection, and skillful storytelling. The process allows the writer to make sense of their past, gain a deeper understanding of themselves, and share their unique story with others.

Choosing a Topic for Your Memoir Essay

Selecting the right topic is crucial to write a good memoir essay. It sets the foundation for what you will explore and reveal in your personal narrative. When choosing a topic, it’s essential to reflect on your significant life experiences and consider what stories or themes hold the most meaning for you.

One approach is to think about moments or events that have had a profound impact on your life. Consider times of triumph or adversity, moments of exploration or self-discovery, relationships that have shaped you, or challenges you have overcome. These experiences can provide a rich foundation for your memoir essay.

Another option is to focus on a specific theme or aspect of your life. You might explore topics such as identity, family dynamics, cultural heritage, career milestones, or personal beliefs. By centering your essay around a theme, you can weave together various memories and reflections to create a cohesive narrative.

It’s also important to consider your target audience. Who do you want to connect with through your memoir essay? Understanding your audience’s interests and experiences can help you choose a topic that will resonate with them.

Ultimately, the topic should be one that excites you and allows for introspection and self-discovery. Choose a topic that ignites your passion and offers a story worth sharing.

Possible Memoir Essay Topics

• Childhood Memories
• Family Dynamics
• Life-altering Events
• Overcoming Societal Expectations
• Love and Loss
• Self-discovery and Transformation
• Lessons from Nature
• Journey from Darkness to Light
• Triumphing Over Adversities
• Life’s Defining Moments

Outlining the Structure of Your Memoir Essay

Writing a memoir essay allows you to share your personal experiences, reflections, and insights with others. However, before you start pouring your thoughts onto the page, it’s essential to outline the structure of your essay. This not only provides a clear roadmap for your writing but also helps you maintain a cohesive and engaging narrative.

First, consider the opening. Begin with a captivating introduction that hooks the reader and establishes the theme or central message of your memoir. This is your chance to grab their attention and set the tone for the rest of the essay.

Next, move on to the body paragraphs. Divide your essay into sections that chronologically or thematically explore different aspects of your life or experiences. Use vivid descriptions, anecdotes, and dialogue to bring your memories to life. It’s crucial to maintain a logical flow and transition smoothly between different ideas or events.

As you approach the conclusion, summarize the key points you’ve discussed and reflect on the significance of your experiences. What lessons have you learned? How have you grown or changed as a result? Wrap up your memoir essay by leaving the reader with a memorable takeaway or a thought-provoking question.

Remember, the structure of your memoir essay should support your storytelling and allow for a genuine and authentic exploration of your experiences. By outlining your essay’s structure, you’ll have a solid foundation to create a compelling and impactful memoir that resonates with your readers.

How to Write an Introduction for Your Memoir Essay

The introduction of your memoir essay sets the stage for your story and captivates your readers from the very beginning. It is your opportunity to grab their attention, establish the tone, and introduce the central theme of your memoir.

To create a compelling introduction, consider starting with a hook that intrigues your readers. This can be a surprising fact, a thought-provoking question, or a vivid description that immediately draws them in. Your goal is to make them curious and interested in what you have to say.

Next, provide a brief overview of what your memoir essay will explore. Give your readers a glimpse into the key experiences or aspects of your life that you will be sharing. However, avoid giving away too much detail. Leave room for anticipation and curiosity to keep them engaged.

Additionally, consider how you want to establish the tone of your memoir. Will it be reflective, humorous, or nostalgic? Choose your words and phrasing carefully to convey the right emotions and set the right atmosphere for your story.

Finally, end your introduction with a clear and concise thesis statement. This statement should express the central theme or message that your memoir will convey. It serves as a roadmap for your essay and guides your readers in understanding the purpose and significance of your memoir.

By crafting a strong and captivating introduction for your memoir essay, you will draw readers in and make them eager to dive into the rich and personal journey that awaits them.

Write the Main Body of Your Memoir Essay

When developing the main body of your memoir essay, it’s essential to structure your thoughts and experiences in a clear and engaging manner. Here are some tips to help you effectively organize and develop the main body of your essay:

• Chronological Structure: Consider organizing your memoir essay in chronological order, following the sequence of events as they occurred in your life. This allows for a natural flow and a clear timeline that helps readers understand your personal journey.
• Thematic Structure: Alternatively, you can focus on specific themes or lessons that emerged from your experiences. This approach allows for a more focused exploration of different aspects of your life, even if they did not occur in a linear order.
• Use Vivid Details: Use sensory details, descriptive language, and engaging storytelling techniques to bring your memories to life. Transport your readers to the settings, evoke emotions, and create a vivid picture of the events and people in your life.
• Show, Don’t Tell: Instead of simply stating facts, show your readers the experiences through engaging storytelling. Use dialogue, scenes, and anecdotes to make your memoir more dynamic and immersive.
• Reflections and Insights: Share your reflections on the events and experiences in your memoir. Offer deeper insights, lessons learned, and personal growth that came from these moments. Invite readers to reflect on their own lives and connect with your journey.

By organizing your main body in a logical and engaging manner, using vivid details, and offering thoughtful reflections, you can write a compelling memoir essay that captivates your readers and leaves a lasting impact.

Reflecting on Lessons Learned in Your Memoir Essay

One of the powerful aspects of a memoir essay is the opportunity to reflect on the lessons learned from your personal experiences. These reflections provide deeper insights and meaning to your story, leaving a lasting impact on your readers. Here are some tips for effectively reflecting on lessons learned in your memoir essay:

• Summarize Key Points: In the conclusion of your essay, summarize the key events and experiences you have shared throughout your memoir. Briefly remind readers of the significant moments that shaped your journey.
• Identify Core Themes: Reflect on the core themes and messages that emerged from your experiences. What did you learn about resilience, love, identity, or perseverance? Identify the overarching lessons that you want to convey.
• Offer Personal Insights: Share your personal insights and reflections on how these lessons have influenced your life. Were there specific turning points or moments of epiphany? How have these experiences shaped your beliefs, values, or actions?
• Connect to the Reader: Make your reflections relatable to your readers. Explore how the lessons you learned can resonate with their own lives and experiences. This allows them to connect with your story on a deeper level.
• Offer a Call to Action: Encourage readers to reflect on their own lives and consider how the lessons from your memoir can apply to their own journeys. Pose thought-provoking questions or suggest actions they can take to apply these insights.

By reflecting on the lessons learned in your memoir essay, you give your readers a chance to contemplate their own lives and find inspiration in your personal growth. These reflections add depth and impact to your storytelling, making your memoir essay truly memorable.

Crafting a Strong Conclusion for Your Memoir Essay

The conclusion of your memoir essay is your final opportunity to leave a lasting impression on your readers. It is where you tie together the threads of your story and offer a sense of closure and reflection. Here are some tips to help you craft a strong conclusion for your memoir essay:

• Summarize the Journey: Remind your readers of the key moments and experiences you shared throughout your essay. Briefly summarize the significant events and emotions that shaped your personal journey.
• Revisit the Central Theme: Reiterate the central theme or message of your memoir. Emphasize the lessons learned, personal growth, or insights gained from your experiences. This helps reinforce the purpose and impact of your story.
• Reflect on Transformation: Reflect on how you have transformed as a result of the events and experiences you shared. Share the growth, self-discovery, or newfound perspectives that have shaped your life.
• Leave a Lasting Impression: Use powerful and evocative language to leave a lasting impact on your readers. Craft a memorable phrase or thought that lingers in their minds even after they finish reading your essay.
• Offer a Call to Action or Reflection: Encourage your readers to take action or reflect on their own lives. Pose thought-provoking questions, suggest further exploration, or challenge them to apply the lessons from your memoir to their own experiences.

By crafting a strong conclusion, you ensure that your memoir essay resonates with your readers long after they have finished reading it. It leaves them with a sense of closure, inspiration, and a deeper understanding of the transformative power of personal storytelling.

Editing and Proofreading Your Memoir Essay

Editing and proofreading are crucial steps in the writing process that can greatly enhance the quality and impact of your memoir essay. Here are some tips to help you effectively edit and proofread your work:

• Take a Break: After completing your initial draft, take a break before starting the editing process. This allows you to approach your essay with fresh eyes and a clear mind.
• Review for Structure and Flow: Read through your essay to ensure it has a logical structure and flows smoothly. Check that your paragraphs and sections transition seamlessly, guiding readers through your story.
• Trim and Refine: Eliminate any unnecessary or repetitive information. Trim down long sentences and paragraphs to make your writing concise and impactful. Consider the pacing and ensure that each word contributes to the overall story.
• Check for Clarity and Consistency: Ensure that your ideas and thoughts are expressed clearly. Identify any confusing or vague passages and revise them to improve clarity. Check for consistency in tense, tone, and voice throughout your essay.
• Proofread for Errors: Carefully proofread your essay for spelling, grammar, and punctuation errors. Pay attention to common mistakes such as subject-verb agreement, verb tenses, and punctuation marks. Consider using spell-checking tools or having someone else review your work for an objective perspective.
• Seek Feedback: Share your memoir essay with a trusted friend, family member, or writing partner. Their feedback can provide valuable insights and help you identify areas for improvement.

By dedicating time to edit and proofread your memoir essay, you ensure that it is polished, coherent, and error-free. These final touches enhance the reader’s experience and allow your story to shine.

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The Memoir Method: 7 Steps to a Powerful Personal Story

Joe Bunting

How do you tell or write a story about your life that captivates your audience? How do you write a memoir that isn’t just okay, but has the potential to become a massive bestseller at the level of Eat, Pray, Love or Wild ?

That’s the question I set out to answer when I started writing my own memoir, Crowdsourcing Paris . This is what I learned.

Wait, I don't want to write a memoir

No problem. Being able to tell your story, whether in casual conversation or in writing, is a useful skill for anyone to have. You need to work out what it is about your life or career that will really interest people.

That's where the memoir method comes in. If you were trying to sell your story, how would you tell it?

Follow the steps below to identify your key "plot points", and then learn how to bring them together to tell a story that keeps people listening.

The Pitfalls of Memoir Writing

7 steps to write a memoir that’s actually good, you can write a powerful memoir, ready to start editing your memoir take a free tour of prowritingaid to see how it can help:.

Honestly, I used to think writing a memoir was easy. You sit down and you write about all your experiences. How hard could it be? After all, I’d already written a novel and over ten non-fiction books. Compared to those projects, writing a memoir would be easy.

I couldn’t have been more wrong. Penning a good book about my life has been the hardest challenge of my writing life. In fact, the book I thought I would finish in a few months ended up taking me over five years to write and get published.

Why are memoirs so hard to write? To be clear, writing a book about your life isn’t so difficult. No, the hard part is writing a good book about your life.

Here are just a few things that made writing a memoir hard for me:

• Everything feels important. After all, it’s your life! And so when the time comes to cut scenes or chapters to make the story work, you’re too close to the book to know what to cut.
• You can’t change your life events to make them more interesting or fit the plot or theme.
• There’s nothing like looking closely at your own life story to trigger all your latent self-doubt and fears of vulnerability.

It took me five years, thousands of hours, and gallons of sweat and tears to learn how to take my so-so memoir and turn it into an objectively good book.

So how did I do it?

Here’s the process I followed to turn my mediocre memoir into a great story.

Step #1: Start with a Single-Sentence Premise

The first lesson to writing a memoir that’s actually good is to realize you can’t write about everything.

The best memoirs keep it focused, and the best exercise I’ve ever found for writing a focused memoir is to write a one-sentence premise before you start writing your book (or as soon as possible, if you’ve already started).

How do you simplify your entire life to a single-sentence premise? To give you an example, here’s the premise from my memoir Crowdsourcing Paris :

• To raise $600 for his dream Paris trip, a cautious writer accomplishes 12 uncomfortable adventures given by his Internet followers, and through it all learns that the best stories come when you get out of your comfort zone.

Here are the three things every memoir premise must have:

1. A character.

YOU are the main character in your story. So describe yourself in two words (e.g. "cautious writer").

2. A situation.

You can’t write about everything. What is the core situation that will center your story?

3. A lesson.

Good memoirs pass along an important life lesson to your readers. What lesson did you learn through the situation you experienced?

Now that you have your one-sentence premise, let’s use it to get to the heart of your book.

Step #2: Figure Out What Kind of Book You’re Trying to Write

What is your story actually about? What values are at stake?

One of the most important things I learned about writing a great memoir was from Shawn Coyne, a New York editor who created an objective, systematic approach to story called Story Grid. I had been stuck and confused about what my story was really about. But then I talked to Shawn.

“You’re writing an adventure story,” he told me. “That means your story is about life vs. death, and your very first scene needs to be about one of the biggest life and death moments of your book.”

If you want to use the same method to figure out what your memoir is really about, here’s a thorough guide to Story Grid’s genre system that will get you started.

Step #3: Write Your “Shitty First Draft”

When you’re writing a book, whether a memoir, a novel, or a non-fiction book, it’s easy to get stuck in perfectionism. You want your book to measure up to the books you’ve read and loved before.

However, no book starts out good. Writing is an iterative process. Your second draft is better than your first, and your third draft is better than your second. But to get there, you first have to write what Anne Lamott calls a “shitty first draft.”

So write. Don’t worry if it’s terrible. Set a deadline. Create a consequence that will happen if you don’t meet that deadline. And finish your first draft.

Step #4: Revisit Your Premise to Get to the Heart of Your Story

The next step is to rewrite your one-sentence premise based on what you’ve learned from your first draft.

Here’s how to do it: Once you finish your first draft, set it aside for a week or two. Then go back and reread it. Take everything you’ve written and summarize it into a new, one-sentence premise. It should still contain those three elements we discussed above: a character, a situation, and a lesson.

Step #5: Cut Everything that Doesn’t Fit Your Premise. (Put Everything Else in the Next Book!)

You’ll have heard this bit of advice (variously attributed to Ernst Hemingway, Agatha Christie, and Stephen King) before: “Kill your darlings.”

Cut every scene that doesn’t fit your main premise. Anything that doesn’t build the character, fit the situation, or point to the life lesson in your premise should be cut.

This was the hardest part of finishing my memoir. I couldn’t help but try to pack more and more into my story, but when I tried to explain to people what my book was about, I found myself talking for five minutes before I ever got to the point.

You can’t do everything in one book. Instead, realize that this won’t be your last book. You can write another great memoir, even one about parallel events. Take everything that doesn’t fit this book and put it into the next one.

Step #6: Rewrite Each Scene Around an Important Decision

Now that you have only the most important scenes, you need to make them good !

To make sure every scene is driving the story forward, center each scene on a decision, a moment when you have to make a hard choice between two very good or two very bad things.

Not sure how to do this (or even what I’m talking about)? Here’s a guide on literary crisis that will help.

Step #7: Polish the Story with an Eye for Drama

Second drafts are for the structuring work we’re talking about in steps 4–6. Third (and sometimes fourth) drafts are for polish.

But when you polish, don’t just fix commas and typos. Also look for ways to enhance the drama of each scene, each paragraph, each sentence.

One of the most important changes I made to my memoir in the final draft was reorganizing the first paragraph to begin, “I was going to die there.” I had that phrase toward the end of the paragraph, but by bringing it to the beginning, it made the first impression so much stronger.

When you rewrite, look for the drama in your story and bring it to the front!

Writing an entertaining, instructive, emotionally powerful memoir is hard. I think it’s the hardest form, harder than a novel, non-fiction book, or short story.

But if you can avoid the temptation to tell everything , if you can focus instead on telling a really good story with the events in your life, you can write something that will inspire the world.

Don’t forget to to enjoy the process.

What is your favorite memoir? How did it move you? What did you learn from it? Let me know in the comments.

Be confident about grammar

Check every email, essay, or story for grammar mistakes. Fix them before you press send.

Joe Bunting is the author of the new book _Crowdsourcing Paris_, a real life adventure story set in Paris.

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How to Start Writing a Memoir: 14 Tips for Starting Your Memoir

by Nate Methot | Jun 17, 2022 | Creative Writing

If you’re thinking about writing a memoir, you should be prepared to do a lot of self-reflection. Memoir writing is much more challenging than journaling or simply writing down your life’s story in chronological sequence. Having recently published a memoir and debut book of my own― A Life Derailed: My Journey with ALS ―there are a lot of practical steps to memoir writing that I learned in the process. For one thing, memoir writing requires that you ask yourself a lot of questions, and learn how to honestly answer them (we’ll get to that). 

In this article, we’ll explore some of the essential questions you should ask yourself as you dive into the rewarding journey of writing your memoir. I’ll also share some practical tips you can leverage to help improve your writing process. You don’t need to have all the answers to these questions from the start, but they will certainly get your writing juices flowing!

1) Why should you write a memoir?

This may seem like a rudimentary question to ask yourself upon making the decision to write a memoir, but it’s a crucial one. Memoir writing can be an arduous and emotionally draining project, and you’ll need to incorporate overarching themes throughout the story to help your readers connect the dots between the scenes of your life. You can’t effectively create overarching themes without fully cross-examining yourself about why you want to write your memoir in the first place. 

Why do you think readers will be interested in your story? What do you want to say? Not every memoir has to be heavy and dramatic, but themes are a must. Your memoir shouldn’t be a bunch of random stories your friends find entertaining; they need to fit together in some way.

The first sentence of the Preface of my book is, “I never thought I’d write a book.” But, of course, I never thought I’d be diagnosed with ALS at the age of 27. I’ve had a unique experience and perspective that provided the basis for my memoir. So ask yourself: What do I have to say?

2) Should you read memoirs to draw inspiration?

You absolutely should! Reading comparative memoir titles―whether bestsellers or obscure indies―can be tremendously helpful by offering guidance on how you might structure your story. You will undoubtedly absorb elements of memoir craft without even knowing. 

As you read memoirs for inspiration, keep this checklist in mind:

• Read each memoir as a writer and creator. Understand that each tiny aspect of the story happened by a series of intentional decisions. 
• Read the preface and keep it in mind: this is the author telling you about their process. 
• Take note of scenes that impact you most. As you write your story, refer back to your notes. If you get writer’s block anywhere throughout the memoir writing process, refer back to your notes for a possible solution.

Both before and during the writing process of my book, I read a number of memoirs. I took note of the details, the front and back covers, chapter breakdowns, and grammatical choices. I meticulously observed the author’s voice, themes, and style throughout each. From Trevor Noah’s Born a Crime and Andre Agassi’s Open , to Dr. J.D. Remy’s Ballad of a Sober Man and Christina Crosby’s A Body, Undone , I gained useful craft techniques from each.

3) Where should your memoir begin, and where should it end up?

A memoir is not an autobiography; it should begin with a story central to its theme. Think of the most important moment in your story and how it might grab the reader’s attention from the start. It may not make sense to be purely chronological in the telling, so keep your audience in mind. If it’s difficult to follow, you might lose some portion of the effect.

My memoir does not begin with that most obvious scene: “that Wednesday morning at the hospital.”―my diagnosis. Perhaps I should have. But I did find a way to grab attention from the start. Allow yourself to be creative with how you organize the scenes throughout your memoir. You may not know exactly where your memoir will end, but you’ll certainly find out as your story unfolds.

4) How can you get started with writing?

Focus on the trees and the forest will come. There is no wrong place to start writing―start with whatever you want. Inevitably, you will begin with something easy to write and as you move forward, you’ll come to more difficult topics or scenes. 

When I began making a record of some of my personal stories in my head, I had little picture of what the final product would be. I only considered each piece on its own. As my stories piled up, I listed ideas for more, slowly filling out the beginnings of an outline. I quickly found that my ideas beget ideas, and the more time I spent writing (and in my own head), the more work I marked for the future.

5) How can you stay organized while writing a memoir?

Taking notes and outlining are just a couple of the best practical things you can do to stay organized during memoir writing. As you dive deeper into your memories, you’ll most certainly recall scenes from your life that you forgot about, so it’s crucial that you take notes of those instances and add them to your outline before you forget. You can also use your outline to keep track of progress and see the big picture.

The outline I used for my memoir helped me to see an entire book in a numbered list on a few pages. I could easily see the order of each section, making it easy to add or remove something without losing sight of the bigger picture. 

6) Is the idea more important than the work?

Record your ideas before they’re gone! This could be just a few notes or a pass at the entire piece. Don’t make the all-too-easy mistake of thinking the idea is the only thing that matters. You have a long way to go. 

I often found myself feeling satisfied after merely recording an idea during the memoir writing process. The idea may feel like a revelation, however, writing it out might be much more of a grind than expected. You may also find that it doesn’t quite fit into the larger picture of your memoir. Keep in mind that your ideas are important, but the work you’ll undoubtedly put in is just as important.

7) Should each scene be perfect before moving to the next?

No first draft of your memoir is going to be perfect. Remember that you’re writing a first draft of each section only. It might not feel like only a first pass, but you likely will find out later how much work it still needs. Stay positive! Without exploring your ideas on the page, you’d have nothing. 

In the editing process, I often found out that I’d gotten my point across, but in an awkward and uninspired way. I might need to go back and rewrite that last sentence, for example. I learned that despite my frustrations at a glaring lack of eloquence, getting the gist of my thoughts down was indeed the first step, without which there could be no second.

8) Should you work on your memoir every day?

You don’t have to, but it certainly helps! I found habits are important. Just as writing begets writing, a day off quickly turns into three―or five. I kept the progress bar relatively low, but made sure to get something done every day. With little goals, I kept myself motivated rather than frustrated.

Track your progress; measure your accomplishments. Keep moving forward. If you’re like me, try not to feel satisfied after only a small amount of work; keep going. If you’re more of a grinder, feel free to finish as much as possible in a sitting. Keep your writing sessions to a set time, though, or you may experience memoir writing burnout!

9) What if your memoir doesn’t pan out how you expected?

Try to accept that not everything you write will come together as you’d imagined in your memoir. It’s impossible not to get frustrated over time wasted on things that end up in the trash, but you might also find that the unexpected ends up better than what you originally had in mind.

I wrote a number of finished pieces that aren’t in my book, and had ideas that were never fulfilled. Spending hours or days on a thought that seemed to carry such promise, only to never get there, can be a difficult pill to swallow. I had to remind myself not to dwell on these minor failures and move on to the next task at hand.

10) Can your memoir include your thoughts and feelings?

A memoir doesn’t have to only show the reader, it can speak to them directly as well. What makes a memoir compelling isn’t usually the retelling of events, but getting inside the head of the author. Don’t spend so much time setting the scene; tell the reader what you were thinking at the time.

The best advice I received from my editor was to put more of myself in the writing. Make the reader feel what you felt. It’s a powerful tool that will draw people in and make them feel close to you as the author.

11) What if every scene isn’t your favorite?

Get over it.

I wish I could say that I read through my memoir and every line and every page is my favorite. But that’s not―nor could it ever be―the case. That’s not the measuring stick I used for my work. What I can say about each piece I included―that is, the actual measuring stick―is that it provided something unique to the overall story. If I felt that wasn’t the case, I had to consider its removal.

Just accept that not every scene will be your favorite, but they will be necessary in making your memoir a cohesive whole.

12) How will you know what to include?

Stay on theme, eliminate redundancies, and leave out irrelevant stories (no matter how interesting you might think they are). Your memoir does not need to cover everything that happened from “Time A” to “Time B.” It should be telling a story, so stay in that lane.

Everything I wrote for my memoir was in some way connected to its subtitle, My Journey with ALS. There were a number of themes that came off of that, and I provided some background on myself and the people around me, but (I hope) there was nothing superfluous in my book.

This goes back to the overarching theme of your memoir. Make sure the scenes you include are tied into that theme.

13) Can you embellish a little in your memoir?

I tried to write in a matter-of-fact style when recounting memories in my memoir. If I’d exaggerated details, I’d have lost the most important aspect of my memoir: authenticity.

Though you may be proud of a particular story or detail, try to stay earnest in the telling. It may feel like a fine line, but boastful writing is just as sure to turn off the reader as it would induce eye rolls in person.

14) How authentic should you be?

Don’t force your writing to fit into a particular box or follow a particular pattern that feels forced. Regardless of all of the how-to articles and writing advice columns you may read, your memoir needs to be  you.  It should feel and sound like you from beginning to end. When your friends and family read it, they should have no doubt that it’s yours. What’s the point of writing a memoir if you neglect to pour your entire heart and soul into it?

I told my story the way that I wanted. I took in some craft and writing advice, of course, but I’ve said proudly (though, technically, incorrectly), that every word is my own. I wrote for myself, and held nothing back; I couldn’t do it any other way.

I hope you found these memoir writing tips helpful! If you would like to get a copy of  my new memoir and debut book, check out my official website .

Nate Methot has a Bachelor of Science in Business Administration – Finance from the University of Vermont. He worked for five years at a securities broker/dealer before an ALS diagnosis forced him to give up full-time employment. Two years into his new, wholly foreign and unusual life, he began to record thoughts, stories, and frustrations on a blog called, appropriately, Whatever I Want to Say. In the summer of 2020, about ten years after his symptoms began, he started writing down his experiences in earnest. His resulting memoir, A Life Derailed: My Journey with ALS, was published in June, 2022. Visit his official website at natemethot.com .

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Last updated on Apr 06, 2021

21 Memoir Examples to Inspire Your Own

Writing a memoir is a daunting endeavor for any author: how do you condense your entire life story into a mere couple hundred pages? Of course, you'll find plenty of online guides that will help you write a memoir by leading you through the steps. But other times that old adage “ show, don’t tell ” holds true, and it’s most helpful to look at other memoir examples to get started. 

If that’s the case for you, we’ve got you covered with 21 memoir examples to give you an idea of the types of memoirs that have sold well. Ready to roll up your sleeves and dive in? 

The autobiographical memoir

The autobiographical memoir — a retelling of one’s life, from beginning to present times — is probably the standard format that jumps to most people’s minds when they think of this genre.

At first glance, it might seem like a straightforward recount of your past. However, don’t be deceived! As you’ll be able to tell from the examples below, this type of memoir shines based on three things: the strength of the author’s story, the strength of the story’s structure, and the strength of the author’s voice.

I Know Why The Caged Bird Sings by Maya Angelou. The woman who Toni Morrison said “launched African American writing in the United States,” Angelou penned this searing memoir in 1969, which remains a timeless classic today.

Me Talk Pretty One Day by David Sedaris. Less of a singular memoir than a collection of humorous anecdotes framed around his life as a transplant to Paris, the star of this book is Sedaris’ dry voice and cutting humor.

A Two-Spirit Journey by Ma-Nee Chacaby. Chacaby’s remarkable life — from growing up abused in a remote Ojibwa community to overcoming alcoholism and coming out as a lesbian as an adult — is captured in this must-read autobiography.

The “experience” memoir

One of the most popular memoirs that you’ll find on bookshelves, this type focuses on a specific experience that the author has undergone. Typically, this experience involves a sort of struggle, such as a bitter divorce, illness, or perhaps a clash with addiction. Regardless of the situation, the writer overcomes it to share lessons learned from the ordeal.

In an "experience" memoir, you can generally expect to learn about:

• How the author found themselves facing said experience;
• The obstacles they needed to overcome; and
• What they discovered during (and after) the experience.

When Breath Becomes Air by Paul Kalanithi. Faced with the prognosis of terminal cancer at the age of thirty-six, Paul Kalanithi wrote an unforgettable memoir that tackles an impossible question: what makes life worth living?

A Million Little Pieces by James Frey. An account of drug and alcohol abuse that one reviewer called “the War and Peace of addiction,” this book became the focus of an uproar when it was revealed that many of its incidents were fabricated. (In case you’re wondering, we do not recommend deceiving your readers.)

Girl, Interrupted by Susanna Kaysen. Adapted in 1999 into a critically acclaimed film starring Angelina Jolie, Girl, Interrupted enduringly recounts the author’s battle with mental illness and her ensuing 18-month stay in an American psychiatric hospital.

The “event” memoir

Similar to the “experience” memoir, the “event” memoir centers on a single significant event in the author’s life. However, while the former might cover a period of years or even decades, the “event” memoir zeroes in on a clearly defined period of time — for instance, a two-month walk in the woods, or a three-week mountain climb, as you’ll see below.

Walden by Henry David Thoreau. In July of 1845, Henry David Thoreau walked into the woods and didn’t come out for two years, two months, and two days. This is the seminal memoir that resulted.

Into Thin Air: A Personal Account of the Mount Everest Disaster by Jon Krakauer. The controversial account of the 1996 Everest disaster, as written by author-journalist Krakaeur, who was climbing the mountain on the same day that eight climbers were killed.

The Year of Magical Thinking by Joan Didion. Immortalized as one of the classic books about mourning, The Year of Magical Thinking recounts the grief Didion endured the year following the death of her husband.

The “themed” memoir

When you look back on your own timeline, is there a strong theme that defines your life or ties it all together? That’s the premise on which a “themed” memoir is based. In such a memoir, the author provides a retrospective of their past through the lens of one topic.

If you’re looking to write this type of memoir, it goes without saying that you’ll want to find a rock-solid theme to build your entire life story around. Consider asking yourself:

• What’s shaped your life thus far?
• What’s been a constant at every turning point?
• Has a single thing driven all of the decisions that you’ve made?

Fever Pitch by Nick Hornby. Throughout an up-and-down upbringing complete with a debilitating battle with depression, the single consistent thread in this author’s life remained football and Arsenal F.C.

Educated by Tara Westover. If there’s one lesson that we can learn from this remarkable memoir, it’s the importance of education. About a family of religious survivalists in rural Idaho, this memoir relates how the author overcame her upbringing and moved mountains in pursuit of learning.

Call the Midwife by Jennifer Worth. Now best known for its BBC adaptation, Worth’s account of her life as a midwife caught people’s imagination with its depiction of life in London’s East End in the 1950s.

The family memoir

In a family memoir, the author is a mirror that re-focuses the light on their family members — ranging from glimpses into the dysfunctional dynamics of a broken family to heartfelt family tributes.

Examples of this type of memoir

Brother, I’m Dying by Edwidge Danticat. A love letter to her family that crosses generations, continents, and cultures, Brother, I’m Dying primarily tells the intertwined stories of two men: Danticat’s father and her uncle.

Native Country of the Heart by Cherrie Moraga. The mother is a self-made woman who grew up picking cotton in California. The daughter, a passionate queer Latina feminist. Weaving the past with the present, this groundbreaking Latinx memoir about a mother-daughter relationship confronts the debilitating consequences of Alzheimer's disease.

The childhood memoir

A subset of the autobiographical memoir, the childhood memoir primarily focuses (spoiler alert!) on the author’s childhood years. Most childhood memoirs cover a range of 5 - 18 years of age, though this can differ depending on the story.

Angela’s Ashes by Frank McCourt. The groundbreaking winner of the 1997 Pulitzer Prize for Biography or Autobiography, McCourt’s memoir covers the finer details of his childhood in impoverished Dublin.

Boy: Tales of Childhood by Roald Dahl. Evoking his schoolboy days in the 1920s and 30s, the stories in this book shed light on themes and motifs that would play heavily in Dahl’s most beloved works: a love for sweets, a mischievous streak, and a distrust of authority figures.

The travel memoir

What happens when you put an author on a plane? Words fly!

Just kidding. While that’s perhaps not literally how the travel memoir subgenre was founded, being on the move certainly has something to do with it. Travel memoirs have been written for as long as people could traverse land — which is to say, a long time — but the modern travel narrative didn’t crystallize until the 1970s with the publication of Paul Theroux’s Great Railway Bazaar and Bruce Chatwin’s In Patagonia .

In a travel memoir, the author isn’t the star of the show: the place is. You can expect to find these elements in a travel memoir:

• A description of the place
• A discussion of the culture and people
• How the author experienced the place and dealt with setbacks during the journey

Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert. Proof that memoirs don’t have to tell catastrophic stories to succeed, this book chronicles Gilbert’s post-divorce travels, inspiring a generation of self-care enthusiasts, and was adapted into a film starring Julia Roberts.

The Great Railway Bazaar by Paul Theroux. A four-month journey from London to East Asia (and back again) by train, this is the book that helped found the modern travel narrative.

The celebrity memoir

The celebrity memoir is just that: a memoir published by a celebrity. Though many celebrity memoirs are admittedly ghostwritten, the best ones give us an honest and authentic look at the “real person” behind the public figure.

Note that we define “celebrity” broadly here as anyone who is (or has been) in the public spotlight. This includes:

• Political figures
• Sports stars
• Actors and actresses

Paper Lion by George Plimpton. In 1960, the author George Plimpton joined up with the Detroit Lions to see if an ordinary man could play pro football. The answer was no, but his experience in training camp allowed him to tell the first-hand story of a team from inside the locker room.

Troublemaker by Leah Remini. The former star of TV’s The King of Queens tackles the Church of Scientology head-on, detailing her life in (and her decision to leave) the controversial religion.

It’s Not About the Bike by Lance Armstrong. This is a great lesson on the way authors often write books to create their own legacy in the way they see fit. As history confirmed, Armstrong’s comeback success wasn’t entirely about the bike at all.

Now that you know what a memoir looks like, it’s time to get out your pen and paper, and write your own memoir ! And if you want even more memoir examples to keep being inspired? We’ve got you covered: here are the 30 best memoirs of the last century .

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How to Write a Memoir: Tips and Advice for Capturing Your Life Story

What is a memoir.

Memoirs are one of the most interesting and engaging forms of writing, and one that can bring history to life in a way that no other writing can.

A memoir is a type of autobiographical writing, where the author reflects on their life experiences, usually focusing on a specific period of time or event. Writing a memoir can be a wonderful way to preserve memories, share a story, and explore significant moments of our lives. It can also be a great way to document personal growth, explore family relationships, and reflect on our experiences.

Memoirs are different from biographies in that they are written by the individual themselves, and not by someone else. This makes memoirs more personal and intimate, as they are based on the author’s own experiences. In a memoir, the author may choose to share their thoughts, feelings, and insights about the events they are writing about.

Memoirs are often written in a narrative style, and can take on different forms such as a narrative nonfiction, essay, poem, or even a play. They can also be written in a variety of genres, including historical, literary, contemporary, and even personal. Memoirs can be written as short stories or as full-length books.

When writing a memoir, it is important to keep in mind that your story is unique to you, and it should be told in your own voice. You should also consider how you want to structure your memoir, and choose the form and genre that best fits your story.

When writing a memoir, it is important to focus on the details, as this will help to bring your story to life. You should also be mindful of what you choose to include and exclude from your memoir. It is important to be honest and open with your story, and to provide an accurate reflection of events.

No matter what form your memoir takes, it should be an honest and thoughtful reflection of your life. Writing a memoir can be emotionally and mentally draining, but it can also be a rewarding experience. The process of writing a memoir can help us to gain insight into our lives, and to better understand our experiences.

Writing a memoir can be a great way to preserve memories, share a story, and explore significant moments of our lives. It can also be a great way to document personal growth, explore family relationships, and reflect on our experiences. Whether you are writing a short story or a full-length book, a memoir can be a wonderful way to capture your life story and share it with others.

What’s the difference between a memoir and a biography?

Writing memoirs and biographies can be a great way to document the stories of our lives and the lives of others. However, there is a big difference between the two genres. It’s important to understand the distinction between a memoir and a biography to ensure you’re writing the right type of story.

At first glance, it can be difficult to tell the difference between a memoir and a biography. After all, both genres are about a person’s life story. However, there are important distinctions between the two.

A memoir is a personal story written by the person who experienced the events. It’s a narrative that focuses on a specific period or theme in the author’s life. It’s an opportunity to reflect and explore the emotions and thoughts associated with the experience. It’s a subjective story that often includes details of the author’s thoughts, feelings, and opinions.

On the other hand, a biography is an objective look at a person’s life written by someone else. It’s a factual account that focuses on the major events and accomplishments of the subject’s life. It’s usually written in third person and often includes interviews and research. The goal of a biography is to provide an accurate and comprehensive portrayal of the subject’s life.

Another key difference between the two is the audience. A memoir is intended to be read by the author’s family and friends. It’s a way to share their personal story with those closest to them. Biographies, however, are written for a much broader audience. They are intended to be read by anyone interested in learning more about the subject.

Finally, the length of each story is typically different. Memoirs are usually shorter than biographies, as they are focused on a specific period or theme. Biographies, on the other hand, can be much longer, as they typically cover the entire life of the subject.

In short, a memoir and a biography are both stories about a person’s life, but they are very different types of stories. A memoir is a personal story written by the person who experienced the events, while a biography is an objective look at a person’s life written by someone else. A memoir is intended to be read by the author’s family and friends, while biographies are written for a much broader audience. Finally, a memoir is usually shorter than a biography, as it typically focuses on a specific period or theme.

Understanding the difference between a memoir and a biography is essential for anyone looking to write a life story. It’s important to know which type of story you’re writing to ensure you’re telling the right type of story.

Why is it important to preserve stories in the first place?

Preserving memories and stories is an incredibly important component of family life. When we can look back and remember the stories of our loved ones, we are able to feel connected to them in a deeper way and understand how their experiences shaped our lives, our families, and our relationships. Memories and stories help us to recognize the impact of our loved ones in our lives and to keep them alive in our hearts.

The memories and stories we share are what make us unique. They are the keys to unlocking our family’s history and giving us a better understanding of our ancestors, our past, and our present. Our memories and stories can be used to teach future generations about our values and traditions, and to bridge the gap between the past and the present. Preserving these memories and stories is a way to honor our family’s legacy and keep it alive.

Preserving memories and stories can also be a way to build stronger relationships. When we share our memories and stories with our loved ones, we are able to connect with them in a more meaningful way. We are able to create a shared understanding of our family’s history and deepen the bond we have with each other. As we share our stories and memories, we are able to learn more about our loved ones and really get to know them in a more personal way.

Finally, preserving memories and stories can be a way to cope with loss. When a loved one passes away, it can be difficult to accept their absence. Sharing the memories and stories of our loved one can be a way to cope with the grief we feel and to remember them in a positive way. By looking back at the memories and stories we shared, we can remember the joy they brought to our lives and use that as a source of comfort.

Preserving memories and stories is an incredibly important part of family life. It allows us to connect with our loved ones in a deeper way, to learn more about our family’s history and traditions, and to cope with the pain of loss. When we are able to look back at the memories and stories we shared, we are able to honor our family’s legacy and keep our loved ones alive in our hearts.

Now that you know why it’s important to write a memoir, it’s time to learn how to write a good memoir.

Why Should You Write a Memoir?

Writing a memoir book is an incredibly rewarding experience. It allows you to document your life story, your struggles, and your successes in a way that no other form of writing can. A memoir is also a great way to share your story with others and to provide insight and perspective into your life.

The process of writing a memoir can be a therapeutic one. It gives you the opportunity to reflect on your life and to examine your experiences. Writing a memoir can help you to sort through your emotions, to understand yourself better, and to gain a better understanding of your life and how it has shaped you.

Writing a memoir can also be a way to connect with other people. As you share your story, you may find that other people can relate to your experiences. This can be incredibly comforting, as it can make you feel less alone. It can also be inspiring, as you may find that others have gone through similar experiences and have come out the other side.

Writing a memoir can also give you a sense of closure. By putting your story down on paper, you can process your emotions and gain a better understanding of yourself and your life. Writing a memoir can be an incredibly cathartic experience, as you can look back on the events that shaped you and the lessons you have learned.

Writing a memoir can also be a way to honor your life and the people who have shaped it. By writing your story, you can pay tribute to the people who have helped you and the experiences that have made you who you are. You can also use your memoir to inspire others and to share your experiences and wisdom.

Finally, writing a memoir can be an incredibly creative experience. You can use your writing to explore different topics and to express yourself in unique and meaningful ways. Writing a memoir can be a way to express yourself fully and to express your feelings and thoughts in a creative and powerful way.

As you can see, writing a memoir can be an incredibly rewarding and fulfilling experience. It can help you to process your emotions, to connect with others, to gain closure, to honor your life, and to express yourself creatively. Writing a memoir can be a way to tell your story and to share your experiences and wisdom with others.

How to Write A Memoir

Learning how to write a personal memoir can be a daunting task, but with the right advice and tips, it can be an enjoyable process. In this section, we’ll explore tips for writing memoirs, how to write a successful memoir, from selecting the most important events in your life to publishing your book and promoting it to your readers. We’ll take you through all the steps required to learn how to write a book about yourself.

Identifying Your Story: How to Select the Most Memorable Events in Your Life

Before you get started learning how to write your memoir, you must first identify what your story is about. It’s important to contemplate exactly what to write in a memoir. Consider the most significant moments in your life – the highs and lows, the people and places, and the thoughts and feelings that have shaped your personal narrative. Think about the moments that had an impact on you and the ones that you want to share with your readers. When you have a clear idea of what your story is about, you can start to shape it into a compelling narrative.

Getting Started: Tips for Overcoming Writer’s Block and Learning How to Write A Personal Memoir

Once you have identified the key events in your life that you want to write about, it’s time to get started. But sometimes, the task of writing can seem overwhelming, and you may find yourself stuck in writer’s block. To get past this, try breaking down your memoir into smaller sections, such as individual chapters, and tackling them one at a time. You can also try free writing, where you write a stream-of-consciousness about your topic for a set period of time. Other tips for overcoming writer’s block include taking a break, doing something creative, reading a book, or talking to a friend. Follow these steps and you’ll be confident in how to write a book about yourself.

Crafting Your Narrative: Tips for Creating a Compelling Story – How to Write A Memoir Essay

Once you have started writing, you need to create a narrative that will engage your readers and keep them interested in your story. To do this, make sure you include vivid descriptions of the places and people in your life, as well as your thoughts and feelings. Aim for an honest and authentic tone that will draw readers in and make them feel connected to your story.

Editing and Revising Your Memoir: How to Make Sure Your Story is Authentic and Engaging

No matter how good your first draft is, when you’re learning how to write a memoir it’s important to edit and revise your memoir before you publish it. Editing will help you refine your story and make sure it is as compelling and engaging as possible. As you go through the editing process, make sure you check the facts, remove any unnecessary details, and rework any awkward passages. You should also read it aloud to make sure it flows naturally and read it from a reader’s perspective to make sure it is as enjoyable as possible.

Publishing Your Memoir: How to Self-Publish and Find a Traditional Publisher

Once you have edited and revised your memoir, it’s time to publish it. You can choose to self-publish or find a traditional publisher. To self-publish, you will need to format your book, design a cover, and upload it to a platform such as Amazon. If you choose to find a publisher, you will need to write a query letter and submit your book for consideration. When searching for a publisher, make sure to research the publisher’s guidelines to make sure your book is a good fit.

Marketing Your Memoir: Tips for Promoting Your Book

Once your personal memoir is published, you need to promote it to your readers. To do this, you should create a website and social media accounts, reach out to book bloggers and influencers, and make sure your book is available in online bookstores. You should also send out press releases and book reviews, attend book festivals and readings, and start a blog or podcast to promote your book.

Writing Exercises to Help You Develop Your Memoir: Practice Writing Techniques to Flesh Out Your Story

Writing exercises can be a great way to help you develop your memoir. These exercises can range from free writing and stream-of-consciousness writing to character sketches and outlining important events. Practicing these exercises will help you to flesh out your story and make it more compelling and engaging.

Writing About Difficult Times: Tips for Writing About Painful Experiences in Your Memoir

Writing about difficult times in your life can be both daunting and cathartic when you’re learning how to write a memoir. When writing about these experiences, it’s important to keep your focus on the story and how it has shaped your life. Don’t worry about the details being perfect, but aim for an honest and authentic representation of your experience. It’s also important to remember to take breaks and to seek emotional support if you need it.

Writing for an Audience: Tips for Writing a Memoir That Your Readers Will Enjoy

When you’re learning how to write a memoir, it’s important to keep your readers in mind. You want to make sure that your story is both engaging and enjoyable for your readers. To do this, you should use vivid descriptions, include interesting characters and dialogue, and use an honest and authentic tone. You should also make sure that your story has a clear beginning, middle, and end, and that you use the right balance of fact and fiction to make it believable.

Conclusion:

By following these tips, you can create a successful memoir that your readers will enjoy. Writing a memoir can be a rewarding process, so make sure you have fun with it and take the time to craft a story that you are proud of.

The task can still be daunting despite having a guide on how to write a book about your life. You’ll need to commit the time and energy to see it through. Unfortunately, it may take even longer if you’re not a natural storyteller.

But you don’t have to be. The writers at StorySavor can tell your story for you.

If you’re interested in preserving your life story, consider working with a professional biography writer. We’ll ensure your story is impactful and truly reflects who you are.

Schedule a call today to learn more about our services and how we can help you share your story with the world.

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How to Start a Memoir: 10 Steps for Sharing Your Story 

POSTED ON Oct 6, 2023

Written by Nicole Ahlering

None of us get through life unscathed, but the good news is we can turn our biggest obstacles (and triumphs!) into a story that inspires others. If you’re ready to write your first memoir , we’re here to help. 

In this primer, we’ll go over exactly how to start a memoir. These are the steps that will get you to your complete first draft , so buckle up and let’s get started.

This guide to starting a memoir is broken down by:

Step 1: brainstorm your memoir’s topic.

Lots of important things have happened in your life, but you can’t write about them all in one book. Start by making a list of all the potential topics for your memoir. 

As you brainstorm memoir ideas , consider what themes in books or message you’d like to convey with your book. Do you want to provide hope and inspiration for others, tell a beautiful story of finding love, or something else? 

Remember that the topics you come up with should be emotionally significant, unique to you and meaningful to your readers. 

Related: The Six-Word Memoir: An Exercise on Short, Powerful Stories

Step 2: Select the topic you’re going to write about

Now comes the hard part: choosing which topic you’re going to write about! Start by eliminating any ideas you don’t love so you’re left only with the ones that inspire you. As you navigate this decision-making process, it's essential to be aware of memoir writing do's and don'ts .

Next, it’s time to apply a few screening questions. Of the topics you’ve selected, which ones are likely to make the most impact on your readers? Remove any that don’t satisfy that criteria. 

With your remaining list of topics, consider which one you’re most likely to finish a book about. Hint: its likely the topic you’re most passionate about, have the most information and resources to write, and feel you’re able to complete in a reasonable time. 

Step 3: Flesh out your topic 

Now that you’ve got your memoir’s topic selected, it’s time to add some context. This is a great time to make a mind map , which is a visual representation of connected ideas. 

To do it, start with your memoir’s topic in the center of the page. Then create branches radiating outward with all the memories, lessons and takeaways that will support your story. 

Take time to understand the connection between each of the elements on your mind map and make notes accordingly. This will help you tremendously as you begin to write your memoir. 

Step 4: Group your mind map into themes

Now that you’ve figured out which of your mindmap ideas are the most connected to one another, you can group them into themes. Examples might include coming of age, family ties, loss and grief or cultural identity. 

Each of these grouped themes will act as a chapter in your book. Yep, you’ve already figured out your chapters !

Step 5: Make a mini mindmap for each chapter

You’re not done with the mind maps quite yet. Now you’re going to make one for each chapter you’ve created. 

Just like before, put your chapter theme in the center of your page, then draw branches off of it identifying the interconnected ideas, events and topics that support it. 

Once you’ve done this, you have the outline for your memoir! Get it all on one page to guide you as you write. 

Step 6: Select a working title for your book

We know what you’re thinking: it’s already time to choose the title for your book? Sort of. You’ll want to choose a working title, which is a—possibly temporary—title that reflects the content of your book. 

Why do this now? It’s a great way to inspire you and help you hone in on the purpose of your memoir, similar to writing the thesis statement at the start of an essay. 

We have a title generator to help you with this process. All you need to do is tell us a little bit about the memoir you’re writing. 

Step 7: Create a writing routine 

You’re likely excited to write your memoir right now, and that’s great! But the reality is you’ll have lulls where you’re not so interested in writing. 

This is a totally normal part of writing your book, and not something to fear. Especially if you have a writing routine !

A good routine will give you the inertia you need to get through those low-motivation days, so you’ll always get one step closer to creating something you're proud of.

A writing routine is a very personal thing and can vary widely by the writer. But here are some general tips: 

• Set clear goals for how much you want to write every day. Try not to stop before you reach that goal.
• Choose the hours during which you will write and make sure you’re at your desk (or kitchen table, or wherever!) writing during that time. No excuses.
•  Create a space that feels comfortable and inspirational for you to write in. It should be free of distractions and stressors. 
• Include a warm-up ritual. Sometimes it’s hard to dive straight into writing a book, but it's easy to spend ten minutes scribbling down literally every thought that comes into your mind. This is a great way to get the juices flowing and is meant to be messy! Only you will see it. 
• Set up a rewards system for yourself. Don’t wait until you finish your memoir to celebrate. Take yourself out for a fancy coffee or something else enjoyable each time you finish a chapter. This keeps morale high!

Step 8: Find an accountability buddy

Even with a solid outline and writing routine in place, your devotion to your memoir may wax and wane through the writing process. This is where an accountability buddy comes in. 

Having someone to check in and share your progress with creates just the right amount of positive pressure to help you get the job done. 

When you find your buddy, talk about how often you’ll check in, how you’ll communicate and what your goals are. Don’t forget to be honest about your progress here; your buddy should be someone who encourages you when you’re falling behind, not judges you. 

Step 9: Start writing your memoir

The moment is finally here! It’s time to sit down and actually start writing your memoir. The first day can be intimidating, so follow these steps for a smooth liftoff: 

• Remind yourself of your intention for writing your memoir. Do you want to change the way a certain industry functions? Make a specific type of person feel less alone? Keep this in mind as you begin your journey. 
• Review your outline , so you know what you’re writing!
• Make sure you’ve established your goal word count for the day. (And don’t stop until you hit it.)
• Don’t worry about perfection, or anything close to it. The first draft of your memoir is about getting your thoughts on paper, not writing something that’s ready to publish. 

After you’ve finished writing for the day, take a moment to reflect on how the process went. Is there anything you’d like to change for next time? If so, make note of it. Also, make sure you know when you plan to sit down next to continue writing. 

After that, go celebrate! You’ve started your memoir. 

Step 10: Know how to get unstuck

Feeling periodically stuck while writing your memoir happens. If you find yourself overwhelmed, confused or otherwise blocked in your writing process , start by taking a small break. 

While too long of a break may derail your process, a few days away from your memoir can help clear your mind and let you see things from a new perspective. This is a good time to read (or re-read) other author’s books that inspire you. 

Make sure to take good care of yourself during this time. Move your body, eat well and do things you enjoy. 

When you come back to your book, you can try a few different approaches: 

• Skip to a different chapter than the one you were working on previously. 
• Explore various memoir writing prompts to boost your creativity.
• Change the environment you’re working in. 
• Use a different writing medium (like pen and paper instead of a computer). 

Remind yourself that in this stage of the process, judgment-free writing is key. Don’t worry about being perfect. Simply focus on getting words on the page. 

Final thoughts on how to start a memoir

Writing your first memoir isn’t always easy, but it is worth it! If you have a message you want to share with the world, we want to make sure that happens. At SelfPublishing.com, we’re standing by to help you write your memoir every step of the way, just schedule a book consultation to get started. 

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The six-word memoir: an exercise on short, powerful stories.

• A Letter From Paris

How to write a memoir essay

If you’ve been reading my emails and posts for awhile you’ll know my favourite strategy for getting a book deal. Why is it my favourite strategy? Because it’s empowering! Let’s face it, publishing can be slow, elitist, confusing, and secretive!

My favourite strategy for getting a book published is not…

• Spending five years on your manuscript,
• Spending two years on your book proposal….
• Paying for endless critiques or constantly workshopping either of the two….

My favourite strategy is to leverage a published non-fiction piece – say, a blog post, an essay or an article – and turn it into a book deal.

This is how I found an agent and publisher for A Letter From Paris , it’s how dozens of authors I know have secured incredible book deals. You also earn money (if you pitch to a paying publication), improve your writing skills, build your platform and make impressive connections, learn a lot, and more.

Publishing a non-fiction piece either in a top publication or even a lesser-known outlet is also a great way to boost your writing profile (AKA that dreaded thing called ‘platform’ for the introverts among us!), gauge interest in your memoir topic or particular threads of the story, improve your google-ability (yes this IS a thing – be assured any agent or editor will google you before they do anything else!), add fantastic clips and extra material to your book proposal , finesse your story and improve your writing skills.

So how do you write a memoir essay?

In this post I’m going to give you the key points you need to remember to write a memoir essay – this is super important if you’re hoping that it will lead to a book deal for your memoir.

1: Clarify your Hook

The most important thing you need to get right for your memoir essay is also the most important thing you need in a book-length memoir: a strong hook.

Put simply, a hook is something unique, unusual, contrasting, strange or compelling about your specific personal story. I’ve talked about the hook in many of my blogs and webinars, but really, your hook is that part of your story that your friends say “WTF?” when you explain that the same day you lost your dog and your husband, you won the lottery.

It’s that part of your story that beggars belief but also elicits intrigue from your audience. It raises questions and interest.

Of course, you may not have lost your dog and your husband but also won the lottery on the same day, but the most human experiences can be given a strong hook. Find a common experience – right now, it’s the global pandemic. Throw in something unique to contend with or to assert: For example – you were on your second date when the lockdown was announced, and suddenly you had to decide whether to move in together or risk breaking the law or breaking up.

See what I mean? Practise finding your story hook by talking about your story with friends. What do they find most compelling? What is the question at the heart of your hook? You will spend the rest of the essay or article or series of blog posts exploring this.

Tip : Don’t just say “the essay is about my mother.” Or – “the essay is about my hunt for a house”. There has to be some kind of contrast. Even in a lyrical, prosaic essay, you need to explore the internal grapplings with something  – well, gripping.

Bonus tip: Start observing yourself when you watch a movie – how is the beginning of the story presented? How quickly do you learn the hook? Usually, it’s right, front and centre. For example: The Bourne Identity – Jason Bourne wakes on a boat in the mediterranean with amnesia, bullets in his body….  We have all these questions with a strong hook, we want to continue with the story…

2: Include both an inner and outer journey

Christopher Vogler in one of my favourite writing books, The Writer’s Journey   says:

“Good stories show two journeys, outer and inner…”

When I read a compelling memoir essay or article, I’m struck by how the narrator weaves the inner journey with what’s going on in their physical or outer world, and how the two reflect and build upon eachother. Have you read this essay by Lauren Hough ? What’s so human, and so compelling (and by the way, it led to a book deal for her forthcoming memoir from Vintage!), are the contrasts between her physical and working environment (being a “cable guy”) and the internal life she leads: left-leaning, queer, empathetic… These contrasts keep you reading (as well as the vivid examples she gives!). The characters she meets in her job (external) show who she is and what she believes (internal). Do you see what I mean?

Coming back to the hook element – it’s not enough to ‘explain’ something that happened to you – eg. I did this, I went here, I felt like this…. Plenty of these pieces get published. They’re clickbait, they’re quickly-forgotten, and you don’t want them on your clip list. Instead you need to deep-dive into how the external influenced the internal – to show those two journeys, inner and outer… To explore your own empathy, if you will.

Tip: Use the outer to provoke the inner. What do I mean? If you’re writing a story about meeting your real father for the first time at age 19 in a dive bar in New Orleans, relate the external reality of being in New Orleans with why and how you came to be meeting your father there…

3: Only include what’s relevant

I’ll come back to this, but a key pointer to an early versus a later draft is including relevant material. Essays need to be clean and concise – you don’t have an entire chapter to introduce a character, you have a few sentences or a paragraph. Even in longform essays, the story needs to be relatively tight. So, if your essay is about meeting your father in New Orleans (as the above example suggests), only include anecdotes, references, observations and material that relates to said meeting or how you dealt with said meeting.

Tip: Often (always?) you need to write out a whole heap of irrelevant material before you can get rid of it. You need to ‘write’ your way into the story. That’s fine! But make sure you leave it for a couple of days so you can assess what needs to go, when you come back to edit it.

4: End on a summary and/or show a clear transformation

The most important part in a memoir essay is that you show some sort of transformation in your character or point-of-view or change from beginning to end of the story. While you might be exploring a topic, question or theme in your story, you need to show that you, as a character, have changed or at the very least learnt and reflected from your journey. If it’s a non-fiction article, the ending will generally be a summary of what you’ve learnt, but with memoir it can be a little more subtle. You could end with a surprise realisation or moment of movement, to leave the reader on a high note.

Extra tips:

• Never ever send your first draft to an editor – leave your memoir essay or article for a few days and come back to it.
• Get some feedback . Truly – if one piece could mean you start fielding offers from agents and editors, wouldn’t you want to make it the best it can be?
• Edit for repetition and relevance: It always amazes me how much I repeat certain words in my writing. You only see this when you’ve left it a few days, and if you use that wonderful ‘search and replace’ tool in Word.  So look for repetition of certain words and delete or change them, if need be. Be ruthless.
• Relevance – As I touched on, above, if you’re aiming for a word count of 1200, for example (very standard for essays in publications such as the New York Times Ties section), and trying to lop 400 words off, what is LEAST relevant chunk to the main question or theme of your article? Remember: You can include the whole story in your book. This is a strategic published piece to elicit interest and engage in the most compelling elements of your story.
• Don’t take a huge ‘run up’ – Just as a huge issue many editors see in memoir manuscripts submitted to publishing houses is that they take too long to get to the point of the story – so you should jump right into the inciting incident, or compelling event, in the beginning of your essay. Don’t write three paragraphs of beautiful poetry about what you did the day before the big event. You don’t have a lot of words to waste in an essay or article.
• Study other essays – this should really be my number one piece of advice. Whatever outlet you choose to pitch to, study what has been published there and what has gone well.
• Read it out loud. This is a great tip one of my first newspaper editors gave me (particularly when you have a low word count). Reading out loud helps you see what needs to go, and what doesn’t work, very quickly.

Hi The detailed blogs are extremely helpful for memoir writing. Thank you so much for sharing your insight and the effort. much appreciated. ive been trying to download things and its unsuccessful.

Hi Annie – you’re welcome. I can see you signed up for the checklists but you need to confirm your email – check your spam as it might have ended up there?

Thank you so much for the response. You’re right! All your mails went into spam . Sorted and looking forward to accessing the masterclass. Thank you for the blogs. Informative and precise. Wishes from Scotland Annie

Argh – I find that a lot with gmail emails, their filters are annoying. Enjoy the masterclass!

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How to Start a Memoir? Examples from 9 Best Memoirs

Last Updated on September 24, 2022 by Dr Sharon Baisil MD

Introduction

It is crucial to create a powerful opening to impact the reader from page one when writing a memoir based on your own experience. So begin your biography with a dramatic hook piques the reader’s interest. They’ll stick with you throughout the book if you can keep their attention from the beginning.

Studying to be an archeologist is comparable to learning to write a memoir. Not only must you go digging for relics from the past and sift through the sands, but you must also put it all together and figure out the plot. To help you tell a compelling story based on your own life, we will describe the nine best memoir examples to create our practical guide on how to write a memoir.

What is a memoir?

A memoir is a book that describes a significant aspect of the author’s life from their perspective. While it’s often associated with autobiography, there are a few crucial distinctions. First, the author also wrote an autobiography , although the tale spans their lives. It primarily focuses on facts, the who-what-when-where-why-how of their entire lives’ lives, despite being subjective.

Autobiography vs. Memoir

We stretch the rules of an autobiography to define a memoir . Memoir writers attempt to retell a significant occurrence in their lives by picking a pivotal moment. The author’s emotions and ideas drive the story. The author has more freedom here since she is telling a tale as she recollects it, rather than what others may prove or deny, and thus her memoirs still include all the specifics of the event.

Since they concentrate on facts, autobiographies are more formal than memoirs. Since they often include plain language and chronological narration, autobiographies frequently recount events similar to or precisely how they occurred. To ensure accuracy, the facts are double-checked.

Top 10 tips on how to start a memoir

A memoir should offer an opening that is strong, interesting, and true from the beginning to the end of the first chapter. Here are some tips for starting your memoir if you’re starting as a writer:

1 – Hook readers right from the first lines

From the first page, an excellent memoir keeps your attention.  Eat, Pray, Love  begins with an intimate scene from Elizabeth Gilbert’s bestselling book. She’s hoping a guy across from her will kiss her, but he’s much younger. She leaves the backstory and negative aspects for later and starts her globetrotting journey of self-discovery with a scene that grabs the reader’s interest. The book documents her life following a terrible divorce and heartache, but she leaves the past behind her and moves on with her life.

2 – Use an AI to implement ‘The Hero’s Journey steps quickly

The belief that all stories follow a similar pattern led to the creation of the hero’s journey. A hero’s journey, with obstacles and triumphs, is the pattern that comprises this pattern. Writers may create fascinating tales that connect with readers by understanding the hero’s journey. We recommend using  AI templates  to quickly structure your memoir based on the three elements of ‘The Hero’s Journey. 

This AI tool not only offers the ‘Hero’s  Journey Recipe ‘ created by its community members but can be effectively used with different templates to create a compelling story. Since there are three stages in the Hero’s Journey archetype, you can use the  Blog Post Intro  template and the  Sentence Expander  template for the ordinary world. 

Then, Creative Story templates can be used to create a unique world around the story. And, for the last Return stage of the Hero’s Journey, you can use the  Blog Post Conclusion Paragraph  template. 

3 – Don’t forget to bring out emotions

A narrative should attempt to elicit emotion in the reader by approaching a subject with the human element in mind. From the heart, write your initial pages . Use language that resonates on an emotional level with individuals.

4 – Start your memoir with dramatic moments

Begin your memoir on a high note with a dramatic moment. Later, you may return to the occurrence for further information, but a tasty taste of what is to come can keep the reader interested. Think of a dramatic beginning that might tease a critical turning point in the tale.

5 – Be honest and build trust with the readers

A memoir is a personal non-fiction work you’ll share with strangers. Begin by pretending you’re telling a secret to the reader that you’ve never told anybody else. Tell your tale in this way from the start. By beginning with a confidante, this strategy establishes trust and builds relationships.

6 – Lead with humor

Even when he recounts some of the saddest periods in his childhood, reading a David Sedaris book is impossible to do without laughing. So lead with humor, even if your memoir is about a more serious topic. The reader will react to various emotions, and they won’t want to be sad for the duration of the novel.

7 – Make it relevant

A narrative is centered on one occurrence when you tell it to someone else face to face. Take the same starting place with your memoir. Your whole life story is captured in your autobiography. Memoirs have a narrow scope, centered around a period or theme from the writer’s life. If they don’t fit your tale, you should eliminate them because there are a million tiny details and life experiences that might be intriguing on their own.

8 – Think like you’re writing a fiction

While a memoir is based on your experiences, it should also include the narrative aspects that make fiction enjoyable. Establishing yourself as the primary character, developing the setting, planting the source of conflict, and teasing out the primary theme are essential to remember when presenting your argument. To string out a narrative, the reader understands how to follow and build a tale structure with a powerful beginning, middle, and finish.

9 – Show your personality

You are implying to the reader that what you’re describing is an accurate portrayal of your own life from your standpoint while writing a memoir. If you’re telling tales about other people and family members who may recall things differently, it’s simple to censor yourself. For instance, you might change their names or use initials to stay true to your narrative while respecting their right to privacy. Remember to provide an honest tale, but you alone can decide what stays and goes.

10 – No need to write chronologically!

The ideal starting point may be challenging to come by when you sit down to write. Remember that you don’t have to register in chronological order if writer’s block is holding you back from your initial chapter. Come back to your beginning after you finish your first draft and start writing the part of the story that most inspires you. You’ll find the perfect opening while writing your novel.

9 Best Memoir Examples to get Inspiration from!

How do you compress your entire life story into a few hundred pages while writing a memoir? It’s a difficult task for any author. But, of course, you can use the internet to get help writing your memoir by following guidelines. Yet, other times, the old saying “display, don’t tell” is accurate, and looking at different biographies can be beneficial. 

We’ve got nine memoir examples to give you an idea of the types of memoirs that have sold well if that’s the case for you. Are your sleeves ready to be rolled up? 

1 – A Million Little Pieces by James Frey 

This book sparked controversy when it was disclosed that many of the events were made up, and one critic described it as “the War and Peace of Addiction.” (In case you’re wondering, we do not recommend deceiving your readers.)

2 – Walden by Henry David Thoreau

Henry David Thoreau went into the forest in July 1845 and stayed there for two years, two months, and two days. The result of this was the famous memoir.

3 – When Breath Becomes Air by Paul Kalanithi 

Paul Kalanithi penned a remarkable book that answers the impossible question of what makes life worth living when he was diagnosed with terminal cancer at age thirty-six.

4 – The Year of Magical Thinking by Joan Didion

The Year of Magical Thinking describes the sadness Didion felt in the year after her husband’s death, and it is now considered a classic book on grief.

5 – Educated by Tara Westover

The relevance of education is perhaps the most important lesson we can learn from this remarkable memoir. This book tells the story of how the author overcame her upbringing and worked mountains in search of knowledge. It is about a family of religious survivalists in rural Idaho.

6 – Boy: Tales of Childhood by Roald Dahl 

The tales in this book shed light on topics and motifs that would repeatedly appear in Dahl’s most beloved works: a love for sweets, a mischievous streak, and a fear of authority figures. In addition, they evoked his schoolboy days in the 1920s and 30s.

7 – Paper Lion by George Plimpton

In 1960, the Detroit Lions teamed up with author George Plimpton to investigate whether a regular guy could play professional football. His response was no, but he could convey a personal narrative of a squad from within the locker room because of his training camp experience.

8 – Angela’s Ashes by Frank McCourt

McCourt’s book covered the finer points of his upbringing in squalid Dublin and was the first to win the 1997 Pulitzer Prize for Biography or Autobiography.

9 – Native Country of the Heart by Cherrie Moraga

The mother is a California native who grew up picking cotton. A passionate queer Latina feminist daughter. This groundbreaking Latinx memoir about a mother-daughter relationship explores the devastating impact of Alzheimer’s disease by weaving past and present.

https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/44580668-the-expedition

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Memoir

https://owl.purdue.edu/owl/teacher_and_tutor_resources/writing_instructors/creative_nonfiction_in_writing_courses/the_personal_memoir.html

https://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2000/12/25/the-book-of-my-life

https://libguides.usc.edu/writingguide/outline

https://www.theguardian.com/books/2019/dec/14/the-naked-truth-how-to-write-a-memoir

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Hi, I am a doctor by profession, but I love writing and publishing ebooks. I have self-published 3 ebooks which have sold over 100,000 copies. I am featured in Healthline, Entrepreneur, and in the Massachusetts Institute of Technology blog.

Whether you’re a busy professional or an aspiring author with a day job, there’s no time like now to start publishing your ebook! If you are new to this world or if you are seeking help because your book isn’t selling as well as it should be – don’t worry! You can find here resources, tips, and tricks on what works best and what doesn’t work at all.

In this blog, I will help you to pick up the right tools and resources to make your ebook a best seller.

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Memoir coach and author Marion Roach

Welcome to The Memoir Project, the portal to your writing life.

How to Write A Memoir in Essays

Sorting the Stories — Memoir as Essay Collection

by Linda Styles Berkery

When I told a friend that I was taking a memoir-writing class, she replied, “Your life just isn’t that interesting.” Obviously she was thinking autobiography , not understanding memoir . I ignored her comment and continued to write about the small threads of wisdom I’ve learned.

After many edits, additions, and subtractions, I had built a wardrobe. I had a collection of fourteen personal essays—each one told through the lens of a dress. A Little Black Dress —learning compassion as illustrated by growing up in a funeral home. Memory Gown —naming mistakes as illustrated by a trip to the ER. Red Mini —seeing individuals as illustrated by teaching third grade. Ordinary dresses can bring out profound lessons.

Since all the writing pieces were in essay format, I adjusted Marion Roach Smith’s famous writing math, It’s about X as illustrated by Y to be told in a Z , and made a chart. To my Z factor, (essays) I added color and noted the dress: a turquoise paisley print, a navy maternity dress, an orange Hawaiian muumuu, a yellow sundress from 1941, a blue velvet jumper.

Each essay could stand alone, yet a book kept coming to mind. It was not enough to say I have a collection of “dress stories” of different length and various moods. I had more work to do. Although my structure would not be typical of a book length memoir (Act 1, Act 2, Act 3), even memoir as an essay collection must have an overall arc—a roof overhead, not just dress threads running through. Yes, memoir can be an essay collection, but it still needs structure and order.

I printed each story individually and laid them across my living room carpet. I knew which essay to put first and which would be last, but the other twelve? Originally I was tempted to group them. These three relate to my father’s WWII stories—put them together. Two had childhood dresses. My husband was mentioned in this group. But nothing really worked until my wonderful editor, Robyn Ringler, passed along tips she had learned from her own writing coach.

“Mix them up,” Robyn suggested. “Vary the word count. Don’t try to force the order, but pay attention to the emotions and lessons in the stories. Then, after you collect everything in the order you think might work, read the last paragraph of one story and the first paragraph of the following story and see if that works. You might need to do that process a few times.”

Robyn was right. I did arrange the essays a few times. But since these were, after all, dress stories, I got creative. If I had a photo of the dress, or a scrap of material from the dress, I stapled it to the printed page. Clearing a closet rod, I hung each essay from fourteen skirt hangers and started arranging them for a book. (Don’t try this at home.) I moved them and moved them until I could see a lovely rainbow arc for the entire collection.

When I was finally comfortable with the flow, I released my dress stories from their hangers and returned to the computer to cut and paste the individual essays into one long document. More edits. Moving paragraphs. Breaking up stories into parts. Adding just a bit more here and there. Writing an introduction and a final note to the reader. Two years after I wrote the first “dress story” for a memoir class, the book was published as Reflections: A Wardrobe of Life Lessons. Memoir, like a classic great dress, never goes out of style.

From the Introduction:

The hardest years in life are those between ten and seventy.

—Helen Hayes

At ten, I wasn’t the moody middle child wanting to be noticed, as much as the one who always seemed to notice. I was the sorter of stories, the keeper of traditions. Reaching up, or out, or down, I saw invisible threads that joined people together. I still do. Now, at seventy, I’m connecting more strands. And dresses are coaching my memory.

Three hard white suitcases live under my bed. I yank out the middle one and plop it on the blue star quilt. I’m not loading it up for a trip; it’s already full. I know what’s inside: dresses, scraps of fabric from dresses, and old photos. Clicking on the double locks feels like opening a black box of flight recordings. Messages vibrate from crinkles and creases, stains and frills. Memories rise from cotton, velvet, and silk—fibers from my journey through life.

Wisdom remains on the fold of one dress. I smooth a wrinkle and kindness appears. When I trace my pinky over white lace, I remember letting go. Hope is in there too, along with judgment, loss, compassion, forgiveness…a wardrobe of memories just waiting to be unpacked. Ralph Waldo Emerson said, “Life is a succession of lessons which must be lived to be understood.” I agree. But sometimes a life lesson can also be worn as a dress.

  Excerpt from a middle essay:  Navy Maternity

My first maternity outfit was a long-sleeved navy blue dress from Sears that I bought for my father’s wake and funeral. I wore it again on Father’s Day and then buried it under the lilac bush in my childhood backyard, watering the ground with my tears. The words from a homily echoed in my head. Ritualize where you are now . That’s what I was doing—dressing a wound by burying a dress…

The moment I stepped out of that dress, I felt different. Lighter. Aware. I was carrying a new life—had been all along—but now I could finally breathe. I glanced in the mirror and saw myself as a mother-to-be. I shoved the dress in the bag and tossed it in the car. The dress was easy to remove, but not the grief. Shifting my focus to new life, I decided to take one small step.

The following week, on my final day of teaching elementary school, I drove to my childhood home only two blocks away. I pulled the navy maternity dress from the white plastic bag. My mother was at work. But I didn’t need her. I knew where my father’s garden tools were kept. I grabbed a shovel and began digging in the dirt near the lilac bush—Dad’s favorite bush. It didn’t take long to scoop a hole big enough to bury a death dress…

Excerpt from the final essay: Dressing for a Reunion

At the Hyatt Regency Hotel near Dulles Airport, I’m wearing the same tri-colored dress that I wore for my 50 th  high school reunion in 2016—it’s mostly blue, with bands of black and white. I call it my past-present-future dress. The dress is making an encore appearance in 2017 at a different reunion tonight.  Can it really be called a reunion if we’ve never met?  My husband tells me to hurry. We exit the elevator and enter a full dining room. The celebration begins.

Arms reach across the table to shake my hand. A shoulder nudges close. I feel a tap on my back. Legs move toward me. Fingers clasp. Another arm extends around my waist. Then hugs, so many embraces and tears. I am aware of my middle-ness. I am a quiet middle child, in the middle of a loud story. I am in the middle of history, in the middle of generations, in the middle of Danish fishermen and American flyers. I’m standing in the middle of memory and expectation because I did what middle children do best—I made connections…

Author’s bio: Linda Styles Berkery holds an M.A. from Russell Sage College. Linda taught third grade, led retreats and worked in parish ministry. Her writings on faith/life have been published in various magazines, blogs and books. Her new book is Reflections: A Wardrobe of Life Lessons. 

HOW TO WIN A COPY OF THE BOOK I hope you enjoy Writing Lessons. Featuring well-published writers of our favorite genre, each installment takes on one short topic addressing how to write memoir. It’s my way of saying thanks for coming by. Love the author featured above? Did you learn something in the how-to? Then you’ve got to read the book. And you can. I am giving away one copy, and all you have to do to win is leave a comment below about something you learned from the writing lesson or the excerpt. I’ll draw winners at random (using the tool at random dot org) after entries close at midnight on May 15, 2019. Good luck!

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Related posts:

• Writing Lessons: Picking Small Topics To Write About
• Writing Lessons: Finding Time to Write
• Writing Lessons: How to Write About A Difficult Subject, by Bette Lynch Husted

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Reader interactions.

Amy Laundrie says

April 14, 2019 at 7:37 am

I found this extremely helpful. I’m a columnist for “The Wisconsin Dells Events” and am searching for a way to connect my “Slice of Life” columns into a second memoir. My first, “Laugh, Cry, Reflect: Stories From a Joyful Heart” includes pieces on nature, my pet ducklings, antidotes about my teaching career, and family stories. I appreciate the tips on how memoirists should make sure the last paragraph of one piece ties in with the first paragraph of the next and I think using dresses as a uniting metaphor was brilliant. I’m eager to read your book.

April 14, 2019 at 10:50 am

Dear Amy, I appreciate your kind words. I had a lot of fun using dresses as a thread through the essays. I would love to read your own slices of life columns. Marion has helped all of us go small. Linda

Susan Davies says

April 14, 2019 at 8:05 am

I love this concept! I have been so stuck in my writing, feeling overwhelmed. I had contemplated this approach but was so unsure….this lesson just gave me that push! Wish me luck! Thank you for your lessons! I enjoy them so much!

April 14, 2019 at 10:54 am

Susan, This is great news. I found all the writing lessons to be so helpful in my own work and I am honored that sharing my experience can help nudge you today. It is so good to give back. My editor, Robyn Ringler shared these tips from her own writing teacher so we are helping each other to gain movement. Linda

Laura McKowen says

April 14, 2019 at 8:09 am

Your content is so very helpful, Marion. About nine months ago, I read your book, and then I was on one of your calls. What I learned helped me focus, organize, and finish my manuscript for my first book, a memoir about sobriety. I sent it to my publisher last week. :) Thank you!

April 14, 2019 at 10:57 am

Marion’s content has always been so helpful to me too. Congratulations on completing your story.

David Sofi says

April 14, 2019 at 8:10 am

Excellent lesson and piece by Ms. Berkery. Especially resonating was the bit about Robyn’s advice from her writing coach. I will have that posted on my Writing Wall. I also tingled with her modification of The Algorithm (That is my personal emphasis of Marion’s lesson, it is so insightful and meaningful.)

Linda Berkery says

April 14, 2019 at 8:31 am

Marion’s writing math made each essay possible and I held it in mind throughout the entire book. Robyn RIngler’s advice pulled the entire collection together. Thank you for your comments.

Careen says

April 14, 2019 at 8:14 am

I want this book! Not only for its content, but because it illustrates the principles Marion puts forth.

April 14, 2019 at 11:34 am

Careen, I hope you continue to find help from the writing lessons and the wisdom from Marion. I surely did. Linda

Ginger Hudock says

April 14, 2019 at 8:16 am

This was wonderful post! The book would be something I could relate to because my age (61) and the metaphor of dresses. This is a great and doable way to structure a book as a series of essays. It seems much more doable for me. I am comfortable writing blog posts and magazine articles, but the thought of a long book is overwhelming sometimes.

April 14, 2019 at 11:01 am

Ginger, I am with you on the thoughts of a long book. It seemed too much for me. I was so happy to find that a series of essays was a reachable goal and Marion gave good feedback when I shared that I was attempting to do just that – she reminded me that I still needed an overall arc in order to print them together as a book. I hope you continue.

April 14, 2019 at 8:30 am

Breaking up the writing into smaller, more manageable pieces seems to tame the bigger writing project, sticking to the algorithm in each section. I loved seeing the process of finding the structure of the book, which is my biggest challenge.

April 14, 2019 at 11:40 am

Dear Beth, Smaller pieces worked so well for this collection. And yes, with each essay I made sure to follow the writing math. I kept asking myself what is this about ? Although told through the lens of a dress, it wasn’t about the dress… it was about a universal theme. Thank you for your thoughts. Linda

April 14, 2019 at 8:35 am

I can’t tell you how often I used Marion’s book and notes from her course as I was completing this book. Such good advice.

Elizabeth says

April 14, 2019 at 8:38 am

I flipped through my closet in my mind – many ideas there for essays, including the ban on trousers for women in my high school in the sixties, and the godawful bloomers for gym class. Thank you!

April 14, 2019 at 11:09 am

Oh Elizabeth, Our minds must run similar. There is a story about those gym “dresses” from my first P E class at Russell Sage College. And oh yes, a mini dress from my teaching days, when women were not allowed to wear pants, but COULD wear a mini dress three inches above the knees. Keep flipping through your closet in your mind. Clothing is so rich to draw out the memoir essays. Thank you for your post. Linda

Ruth Crates says

April 14, 2019 at 8:59 am

I continue to look for a way to write my memoirs. Essays might be a good fit for me. I love how Linda used an unlikely subject…. dresses – to relate her life experiences. If I don’t win the book, I will buy it…I loved the exerpt about burying her grief. We can all relate to that.

April 14, 2019 at 4:30 pm

Dear Ruth, I do hope that you will continue to write memoir. I found that essays were a perfect length. Mine ranged from about 800 to 1200 words in the book. Some had several parts but each one could be read alone which helped me continue. I am happy whenever someone considers the book, the proceeds are going to assist a local thrift store, called ReStyle, from Unity House in Troy. When we have some book signings we are also inviting readers to donate a gently used dress. So my unlikely thread of dresses is really being put to good use. Linda

April 14, 2019 at 4:34 pm

Isn’t it amazing how an idea can take off in so many directions! A wonderful way to help others.

April 14, 2019 at 4:40 pm

If you are in the Albany-Troy area look for several benefit book signings on the Facebook page: Reflections: A Wardrobe of Life Lessons

Cynthia C says

April 14, 2019 at 9:04 am

Incredibly helpful hearing about the writing process! I love reading how these authors make decisions about how the final product will look.

April 14, 2019 at 4:36 pm

Cynthia, I always loved reading the writing lessons from Marion’s posts. I was fascinated with the whole process of structure. Linda

Cassandra Hamilton says

April 14, 2019 at 9:41 am

Great post. I appreciate Linda Styles Berkery sharing her process. By breaking her subject into essays she was able to work ideas in smaller sections. I like how when she focused on the larger piece, the book, she turned to a visceral and visual method: hanging up her essays, each represented by a dress, to sort and rearrange until she felt they were right. I would think the photos of the dresses also evoked in her thoughts and feelings and helped her to pack her writing with vivid descriptions. I’m inspired with her process and how she cleverly teased us with snippets of her new work. Thank you!

April 14, 2019 at 4:44 pm

Dear Cassandra, Thanks for your comments. You are right about the visual part. It really helped me to organize the flow of the essays and the overall arc of the book. (And at one point when I realized that I didn’t have a green dress – it brought up a life lesson from an old memoir of a green gym dress!) Linda

Cheryl Hilderbrand says

April 14, 2019 at 10:08 am

Since the excerpts offered here resonated so strongly, I can’t wait to read the rest of the book. Is it just women our age who grew up with dresses who are so emotionally connected to fabric, and tucks, and gathers? A quilt made from childhood dresses keeps me warm, but I worry that I should put it away so that it’s scrapbook, memory-spurring nature can be preserved. The advice from Ms. Berkery’s editor was something I needed to hear . Thank you Marion, Linda, and Robyn.

April 14, 2019 at 4:49 pm

Dear Cheryl, I do think that dresses meant a lot more to us than they do to the next generation. My own adult daughters rarely wear dresses, but they still have emotional and memories attached to clothing. My husband saved his race t-shirts and had them made into a quilt! He no longer runs, only walks due to an injury, but that quilt hangs over his couch reminding him of all those races. Robyn Ringler’s insights (my editor for the book) were so valuable in getting this collection to print. I am glad to pass her advice along. Linda

Jen Chambers says

April 14, 2019 at 10:17 am

I find this very helpful- it solidifies a concept that I’ve been working on for some time of using essays as memoir in my own work. Using a literal thread to hold the narrative together made a great metaphor here. I am intrigued by the structural ideas and hope to get the book!

April 14, 2019 at 5:18 pm

Dear Jen, Thank you for your comments. I hope you continue to use essays as memoir. It really helped me to keep going.. I could focus on one essay at a time. Indeed I kept them in separate folders on my computer until I recognized how to make “dress stories” into a literary closet collection. Best regards,’ Linda

Debbie Morris says

April 14, 2019 at 10:28 am

I’ve had an idea brewing for years now, and this style has opened up a completely new way to join them yet keep them separate. I thoroughly enjoy the teachings here as well as that wonderfully inspiring sampling of essays. I feel energized, thank you!

April 14, 2019 at 6:03 pm

Dear Debbie, Thanks for the comments. I hope this idea keeps brewing and maybe finds a similar outlet. Linda

Barbara Womack says

April 14, 2019 at 10:38 am

I love this concept and have been inspired to use a similar approach in my own (somewhat stalled) writing.

I can’t wait to read this book!

April 14, 2019 at 6:06 pm

Dear Barbara, I am glad to hear about your writing. I wish you well on the journey and am happy that you found this approach to be helpful. Linda

Ann Hutton says

April 14, 2019 at 10:44 am

Excellent! I’m sharing this with a memoir writing group I facilitate. Meanwhile, I call out a “Yes!” to visually laying out your pages to really SEE what you’ve got and how it might fit together. Once I taped 260 pages to three walls in an empty office in order to look at the structure of a memoir manuscript. That’s when I realized that I did indeed have a beginning, middle, and ending! And looking for repetitions or other glaring mistakes was easier this way, rather than trying to read through pages on a computer screen.

Many thanks!

LInda Berkery says

April 14, 2019 at 6:11 pm

Dear Ann, Wow that must have been some wall sight! Yes, I think we sometimes need a visual way to keep us moving forward. Glad that worked for you and thank you for the comments. Best to your writing group. If you send me a personal message on Facebook page for the book. I will send you my “chart” with all the essays. My editor used that page for a talk she was giving on memoir writing. Linda

Merrie Skaggs says

April 14, 2019 at 10:49 am

Linda’s wardrobe structure is brilliant. I learned that I might be able to include an essay I wrote about my dad in my memoir. Also, Linda’s words spoke to me on several levels, or with various threads as she might say. I am still in the unraveling stage of my memoir writing and relish the connections since I am a Marion disciple, have seen my 70th birthday, and taught third grade. I learned much from your charming writing and the lessons you shared. Thank you, Linda, and thank you to our guru Marion. I’m not going to wait to win your book; I plan to buy it, read it, and learn from it now. “. . .bury a death dress. . .” My heart strings are still vibrating.

Linda Styles Berkery says

April 14, 2019 at 11:13 am

Dear Merrie, I am so happy to meet another over 70 writer of memoir. My father’s journey through his WWII experience rescued in the North Sea by Danish fishermen and as a POW is another thread through the collection. The proceeds from this book are also being used to help ReStyle, the thrift store run by Unity House in Troy, NY – my hometown. So buying the book supports a great cause. Thank you. Linda

Carol Gyzander says

April 14, 2019 at 11:00 am

I love the connecting device of the dresses! The first essay excerpt was interesting, but then I found myself curious about how it would be used in the next…and the next…

April 14, 2019 at 4:53 pm

Carol, I am so glad that you found yourself curious about the dresses used and the lessons they told. Sometimes I found myself pondering how a certain dress or saved piece of fabric could bring out so many memoires. What was going on? – You start writing and then you find more and more life experiences coloring the page. Linda

Jan Duffy says

April 14, 2019 at 11:15 am

Thank you Marion for another excellent post. The idea of basing a series of personal essays on a collection of dresses is so good. As I was reading the excerpts I felt as though I was Linda’s alter ego, experiencing every emotion that she did. Good work, I hope I can be as successful in my writing endeavors.

marion says

April 14, 2019 at 2:31 pm

Dear Jan, You are most welcome. Isn’t this a lovely, helpful post? Linda did an excellent job with this and with the book. I am delighted to see you here. Please come back soon. Best, Marion

Thank you Jan and Marion for your kind remarks. Several readers have commented that they felt they were standing right with me as they read. So we touched universal topics – close to our hearts. Linda

Karen Elizabeth Lee says

April 14, 2019 at 11:42 am

Thank you for writing this piece. I have been struggling with structure for my memoir for almost a year! writing short pieces as that is how it seems to be unfolding but then questioning myself – “Is this the right or acceptable format?” “Can I do it this way?” Your insight gives me the courage to follow this path – the essay path – to see where it will lead me! thank you.

April 14, 2019 at 4:57 pm

Dear Karen, I never started out to write a book or a collection. I just began with one essay of a brown plaid dress – a short piece for a writing assignment. I casually remarked, “I could probably write a lot more essays through the lens of a dress…” and I received such encouragement to continue. See where the short pieces lead you. Perhaps you have a collection rather than a traditional memoir book. Blessings for your good work. I am happy that this piece could encourage you. Linda

Cheryl A Kesling says

April 14, 2019 at 2:19 pm

Thank you, Linda, for sharing your story. I’m a 72-year-old struggling writer working on a memoir since 2014. It seems life keeps flying in front of me to the point of building a wall too high to see over. I’ve journaled, keeping track of unimaginable tragic moments and survival. I’ve written words on paper for a critique group but never seems to hit the mark, or at least to my satisfaction. Maybe I’m too hard on myself. Your memoir essay structure is something I’ve been thinking about for a long time but I know that each essay needs a reason or a lesson learned, and that is been my problem. Knowing what lessons I’ve learned is hard to put on paper when one holds back emotions. I’m sure reading your book would be helpful. Maybe making a chart as you did from Marion’s math and color coding for different periods ( as told in a Z- the essay) and using one metaphorical object to push the essays along is the answer for me as well. Thank you again.

April 14, 2019 at 5:06 pm

Dear Cheryl, Thank you for your heartfelt comments. Some essays (lessons) needed space and time before I could write about them. We all tend to be hard on ourselves. Keep writing. and Keep journaling. I found that going back to journals and circling some key memoires allowed me to move toward an essay. But journal writing is different than writing for print and I had to allow some pieces to stay in a journal and not try to force them to be an essay. But making the chart using X, Y, and Z was the most important formula I learned from Marion.

Etty Indriati says

April 14, 2019 at 3:11 pm

I love the excerpt of Linda’s book as it reflects the “what it is about” in Marion’s online course The Memoir Project that I took; and Linda cleverly wrote her book into chapters of personal essays. It makes me want to read the whole book! It is also inspires me to not giving up writing a memoir.

April 14, 2019 at 5:09 pm

Dear Etty, Marion’s outline is a wonderful way to start. I hope you can read the whole book and please don’t give up writing memoir in whatever form it takes. I think reflecting through writing is a blessing. Thank you for the comments. Linda

iliana says

April 14, 2019 at 7:23 pm

Linda, thanks so much for sharing aspects of your writing process! Cut and paste, and I really mean printing the pages, cutting where needed and rearranging, gluing them on another blank page, was my graduate advisor’s way of writing and editing articles, reports and proposals. That’s how I wrote my thesis too, hands on, feeling it. Looking at a dress as a metaphor, so clever! Looking forward to reading your book :)

April 14, 2019 at 7:36 pm

Seems like I did something like that old fashioned cut and paste on my TYPED thesis back in the day. Thanks for your kind remarks. Linda

KRISTA L RUSKIN says

April 14, 2019 at 7:28 pm

OMG. I’ve been struggling with not having lived “an important life” and yet wanting to write a memoir for my kids. My father died when I was 31. I often wished I had received more lessons from him and had them for my kids. In recording my own, 20 years later, on the upside of my life lessons, I’m hoping they see the possibilities for their lives even in The dark days. The idea of writing bits and and pieces of varying length and letting them tell me how to structure the book is liberating. Thank you!

April 15, 2019 at 9:00 pm

Dear Krista, I am happy that you can see your life as memoir worthy as it surely is. My father died when I was 26 and yet his influence is strongly felt in this collection. I wish you all the best for your writing. Linda

Lisa Sonora says

April 15, 2019 at 8:43 am

So many take aways here!

I haven’t read all of the comments, but skimmed, so hope to offer something not shared yet.

First, that you ignored your friends comment about writing about your life.

Then… using Marion’s algorithm for each of the essays (described in the second paragraph) —brilliant!

I too, am a student of Marion, and have been so STUCK on trying to figure out the algorithm for my memoir.

Your piece gave me the idea to look closer at the individual pieces within the book and trying to name what those are really about.

I just love the image of you hanging up your essays like dressed in the wardrobe, and laughed out loud at “don’t try this at home”. Because, yeah, I would try that at home — it make sense to give the writing some physical form that relates to the subject to help see it differently.

Congrats on the publication of your book, Lynda — I cannot wait to read it!

April 15, 2019 at 9:07 pm

Dear Lisa, Thank you for such great comments. Yes, hanging up those dress stories was crazy but a fun way to really see them in place. And it was wonderfully refreshing too. We often need to trust our own instincts sometimes more than the voices of dear but sometimes bossy friends! Best to you for your own writing. Linda

Cathy Baker says

April 15, 2019 at 8:47 am

I love everything about this post as I’m working on a book with mini-memoirs on our building my future writing studio, Tiny House on the Hill. After reading this post, I might consider having fewer chapters with a higher word count. I always learn so much from you, Marion, as well as those you coach. Thank you!

April 15, 2019 at 9:09 pm

I love the idea of mini-memoirs! Great! Thanks for your comments. I have also learned so much from Marion and her writing posts. Linda

Tammy Roth says

April 15, 2019 at 11:51 am

I’m always looking for clever ideas of arranging memoir topics and this is just brilliant. Thank you for sharing the process.

April 15, 2019 at 9:14 pm

Dear Tammy, Arranging those memoir essays was made easier using Robyn’s advice along with Marion’s wisdom. I was honored to share the process with so many interesting writers. Thank you for your comments. Linda

April 16, 2019 at 8:35 pm

Oh my! This came at the most perfect time. I am trying to write a memoir and it keeps running through my mind that I should try doing it in essays. I lost my son to suicide, so it’s about grief, hope, and faith. I loved what Robyn shared with you about connecting the last paragraph of one to the beginning of the next. The excerpts are wonderful. I can’t wait to read the book. Thank you for sharing your wisdom.

April 16, 2019 at 9:01 pm

Dear Faith, I am glad that Robyn ‘s idea might help you find your way through a collection of essays. She suggested the last paragraph and the first one should flow for the reader but they can still stand alone as individual essays. I wish you blessings in your writing. Linda

Naomi Johnson says

April 16, 2019 at 10:51 pm

I LOVED the wonderful advice from her editor, while she was still working out the overarching structure: “pay attention to the emotions and lessons in the stories . . .. Then . . . read the last paragraph of one story and the first paragraph of the following story and see if that works.”

Lovely, indeed!

April 17, 2019 at 7:00 pm

Thank you for your comments. Robyn Ringler and Marion offer such valuable suggestions. And I am grateful. Linda

Melanie says

April 17, 2019 at 2:49 pm

I’m in the process of structuring my next book now. I was right there, with descriptions of white suitcases containing “…fabrics from my journey through life.” I could hear the crinkle of crinoline, and I was reminded of one of my absolute favorite couplets by Joni Mitchell: “Everything comes and goes, marked by lovers and styles of clothes…” As I enjoyed all the other places the piece had taken me, I asked myself, “Do I have milestones (like these dresses) that mark the milestones of my life?” And I realized, I DO! I am a songwriter, so of COURSE, every milestone has a song! Thanks, Marion & Linda for such beautiful and inspiring work.

April 17, 2019 at 5:23 pm

You are most welcome, Melanie. Please come back soon. Best, Marion

April 17, 2019 at 7:06 pm

Thank you for your comments and the great quote! Love it. And nice for me too as my maiden name was Styles. I am glad that you found yourself asking questions about your own milestones.

Teresa Reimer says

April 20, 2019 at 9:12 pm

What a wonderful idea to hang each story and it’s inspiration on a clothes hanger. Organization and expanding on the theme! Can’t get much better than that.

April 22, 2019 at 6:15 pm

Teresa Thanks for your comments. Yes it was definitely different but fun! Linda

Donna P says

April 29, 2019 at 11:36 am

Dear Linda,

Your ideas, along with Marion’s brilliant advice, strike a real chord with me. I, too, have been struggling with the concept of essays within a memoir. Due to health issues, I have not given my book as much attention lately. I’m going to paste this article to my forehead to keep it top of mind! Truly inspirational at a time when I really needed it. Thanks to you and to Marion. I will definitely buy the book.

April 29, 2019 at 12:34 pm

Dear Donna, Thank you for sharing your thoughts. Marion’s advice really helped me stay focused on each individual essay. And I am so happy to know that sharing my experience making a collection of essays could help you move your own writing along. Best to you for your writing. Linda

Gail Gaspar says

Essays in the form of a wardrobe of dresses, yes. I am wondering if my memoir will take the form of essays unified by a theme (I adore metaphors) and you have illustrated how it can done. As a coach, I am happy you listened to your inner voice and not to the friend who remarked, “Your life just isn’t that interesting.” I appreciate how you show, don’t tell, about what each dress represents. The image of your dress stories hanging in your closet is an excellent reminder of how creative and expansive the writing process can be – when we allow it.

Laurie says

May 1, 2019 at 3:10 pm

Marion – This is my first visit to your blog and site. So much info! Thank you! I too am working on a memoir that right now is a collection of stories. This truly resonated with me as I am stuck as to how to pull them together into a book. Linda – your insights and suggestions couldn’t have been more on target. I have already printed them out and moved them about – but I think I need to write a few more – and then piece them together – reading the last para / first para – and adding bits as you suggested. I LOVED reading the excerpt of the book – what a wonderful way to tie the stories together by the dresses. As a writer – I loved that creative idea to tie it all together – and as a reader – each except you shared – I could apply to my own life and my own past closet of dresses! Well done! I would be tickled to win the book and read more!

May 1, 2019 at 5:47 pm

Dear Laurie, Thank you for your thoughtful remarks. Finding Marion’s blog and site is certainly a real gift. I was fortunate to take a class when she was teaching in Troy before everything went online. But look how many more people can be reached. I am delighted that you could relate to the dress stories and find memories arriving from your own closet. I loved making the book a collection/ wardrobe of stories. All the best to you with your own memoir. Linda

May 2, 2019 at 11:52 am

What a lovely way to seamlessly piece together a book! I’m in awe of your process and inspired by the concept! I’ve always struggled to let go of certain garments because of the memories associated with them. Now I understand why: Not only does each one offer a memory, but you’ve proven each one tells a story. I can’t wait to visit your story-closet and read more!

May 2, 2019 at 8:59 pm

Dear Susan, Thank you for your kind remarks. I hope you do visit my “story-closet” as well as peek at some life lessons from your own wardrobe. Linda

Maggie Yoest says

May 3, 2019 at 10:57 am

I am new to memoir writing and have been encouraged by Susan and Marion. Hopefully, as I stay with this, some of the fear will dissipate and the courage to share myself and my view will grow. Thank you both!

May 3, 2019 at 4:00 pm

Maggie, I hope you continue with memoir. Marion is a wonderful guide. Linda

SITEWIDE SEARCH

Join me on instagram, mroachsmith.

How to Write a Captivating Memoir Essay (Guide With Memoir Essay Examples)

Mar 29, 2024 | 0 comments

Mar 29, 2024 | Blog | 0 comments

 Writing a memoir essay can be a powerful and cathartic experience, allowing you to reflect on significant moments and experiences. But where do you start? How do you turn your memories into a compelling and engaging essay that resonates with readers? In this article, we will explore the steps and techniques you can use to craft a compelling memoir essay that captures the essence of your experiences. From choosing a central theme to structuring your narrative and creating vivid descriptions, writing a memoir essay requires careful attention to detail and a willingness to delve deep into your memories. To help you get started, we will also provide examples of memoir essays showcasing the power of personal storytelling. So, whether you are a seasoned writer or new to memoir essays, this article will guide you through writing a memorable and impactful personal reflection piece.

What is a Memoir Essay?

A memoir essay is a  personal essay that explores an important memory, event, or pivotal moment in the author’s life. Unlike an autobiography, which recounts one’s life story, a memoir essay focuses on a specific experience or series of related memories. By delving into personal experiences, memoir essays offer readers a glimpse into the author’s life while providing insights into broader life lessons or themes.

At their core, memoir essays are a form of creative nonfiction that allows authors to explore pivotal moments or personal journeys. By crafting a compelling narrative around these experiences, memoirists invite readers into their world, providing insights into their thought processes, emotions, and personal growth.

Before proceeding, I encourage you to check out our article on “ How to Write a Narrative Essay ” to further enhance your storytelling and writing skills across different genres.

Importance of Memoir Essays

Why are memoir essays important? These personal narratives offer a unique opportunity for self-expression and reflection. By examining our life experiences through the lens of memoir writing, we gain a deeper understanding of ourselves and the events that have shaped us. Additionally, memoir essays can be a powerful tool for healing, self-discovery, and connecting with others who have faced challenges or shared similar experiences.

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Types of Memoir Essays

• Personal Story Memoir : This type of memoir essay zeroes in on a specific event or period in the writer’s life. It introduces the central theme through an engaging introduction and then dives into the pivotal events and circumstances that shaped that experience. Louisa Deasey’s author memoir ‘Love and Other U-Turns’ is a great example of this type of essay, where she chronicles her journey of self-discovery after her marriage ended.
• Thematic Memoir: Rather than focusing on a specific event, this memoir essay or article explores broader themes or topics throughout one’s life experiences. It introduces the central theme upfront and then weaves together various threads and anecdotes that illustrate that central theme or message. Mary Karr’s memoir book ‘Lit’ is a powerful thematic structure exploring her struggles with alcoholism and dysfunctional relationships.
• Short Memoir: As the name suggests, this concise and focused memoir could be about a pivotal moment or life-changing event. Despite its short word count, a well-crafted short memoir still aims to give readers deeper meaning and emotional depth. Many essays provide a glimpse into the author’s world through this format.
• Inspirational/Motivational Memoir: This essay centers around personal growth, transformation, and overcoming adversity. The memoir focuses on the lessons learned and how those experiences shaped the author’s perspective. Cheryl Strayed’s ‘Wild’ is a powerful example that led to a book deal and inspired many readers with its raw honesty.

Unlock the secrets to crafting a compelling synthesis essay by exploring our in-depth Synthesis Essay Writing Guide – your one-stop resource for mastering this challenging yet rewarding form of academic writing.

How does a memoir essay differ from other types of writing?

A memoir essay is a unique form of writing that sets it apart from other genres. It’s a deeply personal account of one’s life experiences, emotions, and growth. Unlike fiction, a memoir essay recounts real-life events with honesty and authenticity.

• Personal and Vulnerable Nature: When writing your memoir, you invite readers into your innermost thoughts and pivotal life events. This vulnerability and self-reflection connect with readers on a visceral level, allowing them to see themselves reflected in your shared human experiences.
• Relatable Themes and Universal Experiences:  Memoir topics and themes often focus on universal experiences that resonate broadly, such as overcoming adversity, navigating relationships, or themes of growth and self-discovery. Successful memoir essayists like Louisa Deasey’s author memoir masterfully weave these relatable themes into their narratives, making their stories both intimate and universally resonant.
• Emotional Depth and Impact: A well-crafted memoir essay doesn’t merely recount events; it delves into the emotional depth and impact of the experiences. The author’s unique voice, introspection, and ability to find meaning in their journey set a memoir apart from other forms of nonfiction writing.
• Thematic Structure and Narrative Arc:  Memoir essays often have a distinct thematic structure, with each section or chapter contributing to a broader narrative arc or central message. This intentional crafting of the story elevates a memoir beyond merely recounting events.
• Self-Discovery and Healing: While getting published is a goal for some, writing your memoir can be a powerful exercise in self-discovery and healing, allowing you to process and find meaning in your own human experiences. Even if your memoir has not been published, the process can be deeply rewarding.

How to Write Memoir Essays

Writing a compelling memoir essay allows you to delve into the pivotal events and personal experiences that have shaped your life journey, providing readers with an honest and authentic glimpse into your unique story. In this guide, we will explore the art of writing a memoir, covering everything from choosing resonant memoir themes and structuring your narrative arc to incorporating vivid details that allow the reader to connect with your life-changing events and personal growth emotionally.

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If you\'re looking to take your storytelling abilities to new heights, be sure to check out our comprehensive Narrative Essay Writing help – your ultimate guide to crafting captivating tales that will leave readers hungering for more!

Step 1: Choosing a Topic for Your Memoir Essay 

The first step in writing a compelling memoir essay is to choose a topic that resonates with you. Reflect on the significant events, relationships, or transition periods that have left a lasting impact. These pivotal moments often serve as fertile ground for memoir writing involving personal growth, life lessons, or profound realizations.

As you explore potential topics, consider the following questions:

• What  childhood memories  or experiences shaped your worldview or values?
• What personal struggles or challenges have you overcome, and how did they transform you?
• What relationships (romantic, familial, or platonic) have profoundly influenced your life?
• Have you experienced a significant loss or trauma that forced you to reevaluate your priorities or perspectives?

Once you’ve identified a few key memories or experiences, finding a unique angle or perspective that sets your memoir essay apart is important. Ask yourself:

• What unique insights or lessons can I share about this experience?
• How can I approach this topic in a way that hasn’t been explored before?
• What aspects of my story might resonate with readers or give them a fresh perspective?

Ready to hook your readers from the very first line? Discover the art of crafting irresistible hooks that will leave them craving for more with our “ How to Write Compelling Hooks For Essays ” article.

Step 2: How do you write a memoir essay structure?

Like any good story, a well-structured memoir essay should have a clear beginning, middle, and end. However, the structure of a memoir essay can be flexible, allowing you to experiment with different approaches to engage your readers effectively.

Begin with a Hook: The introduction of your memoir essay should immediately grab the reader’s attention with a compelling hook. This could be a thought-provoking quote, a vivid description of a pivotal moment, or a rhetorical question that piques the reader’s curiosity. The goal is to draw the reader in and make them want to continue reading.

Develop the Narrative: The body of your memoir essay should weave together a cohesive narrative that explores the central event, experience, or theme. Use vivid descriptions, sensory details, and dialogue to transport the reader into the heart of your story. As you develop the narrative, consider incorporating conflict, character development, and thematic exploration to create a rich and engaging reading experience.

Craft a Compelling Ending: The conclusion of your memoir essay should leave a lasting impression on the reader. It’s an opportunity to reflect on the significance of your shared experiences and tie together any loose threads or themes. A powerful ending can reinforce the central message or lesson learned or leave the reader with a thought-provoking question or insight.

Step 3: Setting the Tone and Style 

Finding your authentic voice is one of the most crucial aspects of memoir writing. Your memoir essay should reflect your unique personality, values, and perspectives, allowing readers to connect with you more deeply.

To find your authentic voice, consider the following:

• Write as if you’re conversing with a close friend or trusted confidant.
• Embrace your natural writing style and avoid imitating others.
• Be honest and vulnerable, allowing your emotions and thoughts to shine through.
• Use language and expressions that feel natural and genuine to you.

Balancing fact and emotion is essential as you develop your memoir essay’s tone and style. While the events and experiences you recount should be truthful and accurate, your memoir essay should also convey these moments’ emotional weight and personal significance.

Incorporate sensory details, internal monologues, and vivid descriptions to help the reader understand what happened, how you felt, and what it meant to you. By blending factual storytelling with emotional resonance, your memoir essay will resonate with readers on a deeper level.

Step 4: Using Vivid Details and Imagery

Effective memoir writing relies heavily on the power of vivid details and imagery to transport readers into the heart of your story. By painting a clear picture with your words, you can create an immersive experience that allows readers to connect with your experiences on a visceral level.

To achieve this, incorporate sensory details that engage the reader’s five senses:

• Sight: Describe the visual elements of your story, such as the colors, textures, and landscapes.
• Sound: Capture the auditory elements, such as dialogue, background noise, or music.
• Smell: Evoke the scents and aromas during the pivotal moments you recount.
• Taste: Describe the flavors and textures of any significant foods or beverages associated with the experience.
• Touch: Convey the physical sensations, such as the warmth of a hug, the roughness of a surface, or the weight of an object.

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Step 5: Crafting Characters in Your Memoir Essay

While your memoir essay primarily focuses on your personal experiences, the people who played significant roles in those experiences will also be central characters in your narrative. Crafting well-developed, authentic characters is essential to creating a compelling and engaging memoir essay.

When portraying others in your memoir, consider the following:

• Provide detailed physical descriptions to help readers visualize the characters.
• Capture the unique mannerisms, speech patterns, and quirks that make each character memorable.
• Explore the characters’ motivations, desires, and internal conflicts to add depth and complexity.
• Use dialogue to reveal the characters’ personalities and relationships with one another.
• Avoid portraying characters in a one-dimensional or stereotypical manner.

Remember, even though you’re writing about real people, treating them as fully realized characters in your narrative is important. By developing them with care and authenticity, you’ll create a richer, more engaging reading experience for your audience.

Struggling to find a captivating personal experience essay topic? Explore our curated list of thought-provoking “ Personal Experience Essay Topics ” that will ignite your creativity and leave a lasting impact on your readers.

Step 6: Navigating Ethical Considerations 

Memoir writing often involves sharing deeply personal experiences and stories, which can raise ethical considerations regarding privacy, consent, and the representation of others. As a memoirist, navigating these issues with care and sensitivity is crucial.

Balancing Privacy and Transparency: While honesty and authenticity are essential in memoir writing, respecting the privacy of others involved in your stories is also important. Consider using pseudonyms or changing identifying details to protect the identities of those who may not wish to be publicly associated with your work.

Handling Sensitive Topics: Some memoir essays may delve into sensitive or potentially triggering topics, such as trauma, abuse, or mental health struggles. When addressing these topics, do so with care and provide appropriate content warnings. Additionally, consider incorporating resources or support information for readers affected by the subject matter.

Obtaining Consent: If your memoir essay involves the stories or experiences of others, it’s advisable to seek their consent before publishing. Have open and respectful conversations about how they will be portrayed and address any concerns they may have.

Representing Others Fairly: While your memoir essay is your narrative, it’s important to represent others fairly and avoid harmful stereotypes or misrepresentations. Strive for nuanced and empathetic portrayals, even when discussing challenging relationships or situations.

Step 7: Editing and Revising Your Memoir Essay

Once you’ve completed the initial draft of your memoir essay, it’s time to embark on the crucial process of editing and revising. This step is essential for refining your writing, ensuring clarity and coherence, and producing a polished and compelling piece.

During the editing and revision process, consider the following:

• Read your memoir essay aloud to catch any awkward phrasing, repetitive language, or areas that lack clarity.
• Examine the pacing and flow of your narrative, ensuring that the story progresses smoothly and maintains the reader’s interest.
• Evaluate the effectiveness of your descriptions, dialogue, and sensory details, and make adjustments where necessary.
• Check for grammatical errors, spelling mistakes, and inconsistencies.
• Seek feedback from trusted friends, family members, or writing groups to gain fresh perspectives and identify areas for improvement.

Don’t forget to explore our article “7 Steps on How to Write a Case Study Successfully” for comprehensive guidance and insights!

Incorporating Memoir Essay Examples 

One of the best ways to hone your memoir writing skills is to study successful examples from published authors. By analyzing the techniques and strategies accomplished memoirists employ, you can draw inspiration and gain valuable insights into crafting your compelling narratives.

When reading memoir essays or books, pay close attention to the following elements:

• The author’s unique voice and writing style
• The structure and pacing of the narrative
• The use of vivid details and sensory descriptions
• The development of characters and their relationships
• The exploration of themes, life lessons, or personal growth
• The emotional resonance and ability to evoke empathy in the reader

As you read, take note of the techniques and passages that particularly resonate with you. Analyze how the author achieves these effects and consider how you might apply similar strategies to your memoir writing.

Additionally, seek out memoir writing resources, such as workshops, masterclasses, or writing guides, to further develop your skills and gain a deeper understanding of the genre.

Memoir Examples as Inspiration

Memoir Essay about Your Life Experiences

Memoir Essay Example: Unraveling the Threads of My Life

The Power of Traveling: Personal Experiences and Reflections

The Wandering Soul: My Life’s Journey Through Travel

Lessons Learned from Childhood, College, and Long-Distance Connections

Memoir Essay on Forging Connections: A Memoir of Lessons Learned

Personal Change: Memoir Essay

Molting into the Light: A Memoir Essay of Personal Change and Perpetual Becoming

Get Help With Your Memoir Essay Paper

Essay Freelance Writers is the best in the industry for helping you with your memoir essay paper. Our team of experienced writers can assist you in crafting a compelling and well-written piece that accurately reflects your personal experiences and emotions. Whether you need help brainstorming ideas, structuring your essay, or refining your writing style, we are here to guide you through every step. Place your order today by clicking the ORDER NOW button above to get our expert writing help.

Final Thoughts

In conclusion, writing a captivating memoir essay requires a delicate balance of personal storytelling, introspection, and craftsmanship. Following the guidelines outlined in this article, you can create a powerful and resonant piece that invites readers into your world, shares valuable life lessons, and leaves a lasting impact. Remember, your unique voice and experiences make your memoir essay special, so embrace the power of storytelling and let your authentic self shine through.

FAQs on How to Write a Good Memoir Essay

How do you start a memoir essay.

When starting a memoir essay, reflect on significant events, emotions, and experiences in your life. Consider the overarching theme or message you want to convey. Start with a compelling opening that grabs readers’ attention and sets the tone for your narrative.

What is the structure of a memoir essay?

The structure of a memoir essay typically includes an introduction, where you establish the context and purpose of your memoir; the body, where you delve into key events and reflections; and a conclusion that provides closure or leaves readers with a lasting impression.

How do you format a memoir essay?

Format your memoir essay with a clear introduction, logical body paragraphs, and a conclusion that ties everything together. Use descriptive language to evoke emotions and paint readers a vivid picture of your experiences.

What are the five parts of a memoir?

The five parts of a memoir usually include the introduction, where you set the scene and introduce the main characters; the rising action, where the story unfolds and events build-up; the climax, which is the most intense part of the story; the falling action, where things start to resolve; and the conclusion, where you reflect on the lessons learned or the impact of your experiences.

With a deep understanding of the student experience, I craft blog content that resonates with young learners. My articles offer practical advice and actionable strategies to help students achieve a healthy and successful academic life.

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Before He Died in Prison, Aleksei Navalny Wrote a Memoir. It’s Coming This Fall.

In the book, Navalny tells his story in his own words, chronicling his life, his rise as an opposition leader, and the attempts on his life.

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By Alexandra Alter

During the years leading up to his death in a Russian prison, Aleksei A. Navalny , the Russian opposition leader, was writing a memoir about his life and work as a pro-democracy activist.

Titled “Patriot,” the memoir will be published in the United States by Knopf on Oct. 22, with a first printing of half a million copies, and a simultaneous release in multiple countries.

Navalny, who rose to global prominence as a fierce critic of President Vladimir V. Putin of Russia, resisted the Kremlin’s repeated attempts to silence him through physical harm, arrests and imprisonment in a remote Arctic penal colony, where he died in February , at age 47.

The book, telling his story in his own words, comes as a final show of defiance, his widow, Yulia Navalnaya, said in a statement, and could have a galvanizing effect on his followers.

“This book is a testament not only to Aleksei’s life, but to his unwavering commitment to the fight against dictatorship — a fight he gave everything for, including his life,” Navalnaya said. “Through its pages, readers will come to know the man I loved deeply — a man of profound integrity and unyielding courage. Sharing his story will not only honor his memory but also inspire others to stand up for what is right and to never lose sight of the values that truly matter.”

In a news release, Knopf said that the memoir “expresses Navalny’s total conviction that change cannot be resisted and will come.”

Navalny wrote the entire memoir himself, dictating some parts, and Yulia Navalnaya is working with the publisher to edit and finalize the manuscript, according to a Knopf representative. The book has already been translated into 11 languages, Navalnaya wrote on X , and a Russian-language edition of the book will be available.

The project is a more sensitive endeavor than most memoirs by high profile political figures. Navalny’s supporters and his team, which has carried on his work, continue to draw the scrutiny of Russian authorities as they direct criticism at the Kremlin against the backdrop of the war in Ukraine.

Navalny began working on his memoir in 2020, after surviving a near-fatal poisoning with a nerve agent, an attack that Western intelligence officials believed was a state-sponsored assassination attempt . The book covers his youth, his rise as a political activist, his marriage and family, his political career as an opposition leader, and the attempts on his life and attacks on those close to him, according to the publisher.

Navalny had political aspirations, but was barred from a presidential run following a conviction on fraud charges by a Russian court, widely seen as politically motivated. He exerted his political influence in other ways: organizing protests against Putin and building offices and investigative teams across the country to uncover corruption.

Navalny wrote much of the memoir while he was in Germany and recovering from poisoning. In February 2021, he returned to Russia, knowing that he would likely be detained or attacked again. He was arrested at the airport, and was later charged with embezzlement and fraud in a trial that international observers concluded was also politically motivated. In August 2023, he was charged with “extremism” and given a 19-year sentence. His harsh treatment in Russia’s severe penal colonies included lack of medical care and many stints in solitary confinement.

Addressing why he chose to go back to Russia to face almost certain imprisonment and possible death, Navalny said remaining in exile felt like a betrayal of his cause.

“I don’t want to give up either my country or my beliefs,” Navalny wrote in a Facebook post in January, shortly before his death. “I cannot betray either the first or the second. If your beliefs are worth something, you must be willing to stand up for them. And if necessary, make some sacrifices.”

Navalny’s return to Russia led to weeks of protests around the country, but they were eventually quashed in a fierce crackdown by the Kremlin. Even as Russia has shut down or driven away independent news media outlets and silenced many of its internal critics in an effort to smother political opposition, Navalny remained a vocal and influential figure who came to embody the country’s beleaguered pro-democracy movement.

Navalny maintained a presence on social media even behind bars, and remained a ferocious critic of Putin. His team, which was living and working in exile, continued to release exposés on corruption in Russia. He also kept working on the book, which includes never-before-seen correspondence from prison, according to the publisher.

Within Russia, thousands of his followers gathered for his funeral, despite the risk of being arrested by Russian authorities. Outside the church on the outskirts of Moscow where the service was held, people in the crowd chanted phrases like “Love is stronger than fear” and “Thank you, Aleksei.”

Even after his death, those who seek to carry on Navalny’s work and extend his legacy face threats and attacks. Last month, Leonid Volkov, who served as one of Navalny’s top organizers, was attacked with a hammer and tear gas outside his home in Lithuania’s capital.

Navalny was well aware that his activism put him at risk, but remained cheerfully defiant, with a wry, prankster-like persona that helped drive some of his viral online activism.

“I’m trying not to think about it a lot,” he said in an interview with CBS News in 2017. “If you start to think about what kind of risks I have, you cannot do anything.”

Alexandra Alter writes about books, publishing and the literary world for The Times. More about Alexandra Alter

Taylor Swift in the tortured poet’s workshop

Yes, you can be a swiftie while knowing next to nothing about her life, loves or grudges, by erin keane.

If you were one of the millions who waited up until midnight to listen to Taylor Swift’s “The Tortured Poets Department” album on repeat — and then reeled with the release of the expanded "Anthology" version — I know you didn't drag yourself into the office today to rehash my old seminar notes. You're tired, babe. Go pound a cold brew and we'll talk later. This story is for those who have avoided diving in deep because they are daunted by the MCU levels of lore embedded in the lyrics of, as NPR critic Ann Powers dubs her , "pop's leading writer of autofiction" (complimentary). If, in the hours leading up to release night, you felt your stomach sink when you heard "Tortured Poets" might be about a whole other ex than the one whose failings and betrayals you already didn't know a whole lot about to begin with? Let me re-introduce you to my old friend, the Speaker. 

If you’ve been in a poetry class or workshop in the last — 50, I don’t know, 80, years? — you’ve encountered the Speaker: She’s the star of every poem, the character or persona to whom we attribute the words instead of the person whose name is above the title. (Because New Criticism, because intentional fallacy, because the weirdness of discussing the diction, rhythm and enjambment of your classmates’ sex lives aloud, in front of them, by name .) It's not the only way to read or critique a poem, of course, but it remains popular for many reasons. 

In persona poems, the Speaker can be named or strongly implied to be an actual character, fictional or historical — you probably read Robert Browning's "My Last Duchess" in school, you know this move. But even in poems presumed confessional, the Speaker can be a handy little imaginary friend to project the goings-on in the poem upon: Jackson in your workshop didn’t steal a bottle of nail polish from the bathroom of his one-night stand and then write a poem about it — "the Speaker” did. And just like that, it's easier to examine the color the Speaker palmed in the morgue-like glow of the medicine cabinet light and suggest that Orchid You Not might be the more appropriate choice for that Speaker's circumstances than Don't Take Me for Garnet without first sneaking a peek at Jackson's fingers. 

Once the Speaker is involved, the individual truth in a poem — or a Taylor Swift song — can take precedence over the facts of its inspiration. It gives us all a little breathing room between biography and the work of art crafted from it, depending on how honest the poet feels like getting during the post-reading wine-and-cheese meet-and-greet. (Some poets are adamant that they are always the speaker of their own poems, and good for them! Some of us enjoy a little plausible deniability upon the page.) 

Every lyric is recapped as a presumed confession, combed for autobiographical Easter eggs and compared, true crime Reddit-style, to the forensic files of her life and loves.

Taylor Swift, chair of the Tortured Poets Department as of midnight, enjoys no such cover, though her storytelling, not only within individual songs and albums but across her body of work, is sophisticated enough to demand it. Instead, every lyric is recapped as a presumed confession, combed for autobiographical Easter eggs and compared, true crime Reddit-style, to the forensic files of her life and loves, from the soft public launches of new boyfriends to the breathless breakup speculations, not to mention the compelling drama of her highly atypical working life. I do not wish to get in the middle of all of that (though I love the industry parts). I understand she crafts intricate storylines for her highly engaged audience that deliberately involve elements of autobiography. The interactivity is the point. I'm not suggesting anyone discount that. But for those who find the inside-baseball discourse around her body of work daunting because there’s a learning curve that goes back to John Mayer and well, no thank you , this is a handy way to dig into Taylor Swift’s songs beyond their surface while not tracking the details of her personal life at all. 

I listen with the assumption that Taylor Swift is singing as a persona — created and animated by her, of course, but a made thing, a fictional apparatus that exists apart from her to dramatize what she wants to say with her work. I think about what the Speaker in a song is saying, doing, revealing; I ponder the choices Swift has made for the Speaker. I can even presume there may be a different speaker created for every album — or even for each song. It helps that I'm not tempted to look up a famous ex-lover I truly could not pick out of a police lineup to see if he really gives "tattooed golden retriever ." It's enough for me to appreciate a killer ironic image revealing some truth of how the Speaker experiences that particular intimate moment. I recommend this approach if you're burned out by the extended franchise storytelling dominating so much of pop culture today and think Swift's albums are more of the same. You'll be pleasantly surprised, trust me. And you definitely don't have to start at the beginning, listen in order and do all the supplemental reading unless you want to. 

I recommend this approach if you're burned out by the extended franchise storytelling dominating so much of pop culture today and think Swift's albums are more of the same. 

Let me be clear about where the New Critic in me stops: I'm on record against the demand to always separate the art from the artist. Historically, that slogan has been used to let talented men off easy for their personal misdeeds while attributing women's artistic achievements to everyone involved but them. Like any artist, Swift's discography has personal context, and listening to her work can be a deeper, richer experience when you know something about the shape of her life. I love a good rock memoir, and in many ways, Swift has been releasing hers over years, one coded message at a time .

So does it make sense for the Speaker in "I Can Do It With a Broken Heart" to clearly be a star performer like her creator, to be in sequins under lights with "all the pieces of me shattered as the crowd was chanting 'more'"? Sure. But a Speaker gives me the distance from Taylor Swift, billionaire mogul, to hear "I cry a lot but I'm so productive" — devastatingly juxtaposed against that upbeat tempo — and feel a specific and universal kinship to the voice of this woman, just another one of us grinding away in the office, taking care of business with a smile while our lives crumble quietly out of sight. When that Speaker sighs and spits, "try and come for my job," she sounds vulnerable to incursion. Taylor Swift herself isn't, not anymore. Even if the fascination with her as a celebrity and avatar eventually subsides from this peak, her body of artistic work will continue to speak for itself. That doesn't mean she can't continue to write convincingly for those of us who are. 

about Taylor Swift

• Because of Taylor Swift, I'm watching football again
• The right is coming for Taylor Swift. They don't stand a chance
• Taylor Swift gets it: Cats are better than (some) men

Erin Keane is Salon's Chief Content Officer. She is also on faculty at the Naslund-Mann Graduate School of Writing at Spalding University and her memoir in essays, " Runaway: Notes on the Myths That Made Me ," was named one of NPR's Books We Loved In 2022.

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NPR defends its journalism after senior editor says it has lost the public's trust

David Folkenflik

NPR is defending its journalism and integrity after a senior editor wrote an essay accusing it of losing the public's trust. Saul Loeb/AFP via Getty Images hide caption

NPR is defending its journalism and integrity after a senior editor wrote an essay accusing it of losing the public's trust.

NPR's top news executive defended its journalism and its commitment to reflecting a diverse array of views on Tuesday after a senior NPR editor wrote a broad critique of how the network has covered some of the most important stories of the age.

"An open-minded spirit no longer exists within NPR, and now, predictably, we don't have an audience that reflects America," writes Uri Berliner.

A strategic emphasis on diversity and inclusion on the basis of race, ethnicity and sexual orientation, promoted by NPR's former CEO, John Lansing, has fed "the absence of viewpoint diversity," Berliner writes.

NPR's chief news executive, Edith Chapin, wrote in a memo to staff Tuesday afternoon that she and the news leadership team strongly reject Berliner's assessment.

"We're proud to stand behind the exceptional work that our desks and shows do to cover a wide range of challenging stories," she wrote. "We believe that inclusion — among our staff, with our sourcing, and in our overall coverage — is critical to telling the nuanced stories of this country and our world."

NPR names tech executive Katherine Maher to lead in turbulent era

She added, "None of our work is above scrutiny or critique. We must have vigorous discussions in the newsroom about how we serve the public as a whole."

A spokesperson for NPR said Chapin, who also serves as the network's chief content officer, would have no further comment.

Praised by NPR's critics

Berliner is a senior editor on NPR's Business Desk. (Disclosure: I, too, am part of the Business Desk, and Berliner has edited many of my past stories. He did not see any version of this article or participate in its preparation before it was posted publicly.)

Berliner's essay , titled "I've Been at NPR for 25 years. Here's How We Lost America's Trust," was published by The Free Press, a website that has welcomed journalists who have concluded that mainstream news outlets have become reflexively liberal.

Berliner writes that as a Subaru-driving, Sarah Lawrence College graduate who "was raised by a lesbian peace activist mother ," he fits the mold of a loyal NPR fan.

Yet Berliner says NPR's news coverage has fallen short on some of the most controversial stories of recent years, from the question of whether former President Donald Trump colluded with Russia in the 2016 election, to the origins of the virus that causes COVID-19, to the significance and provenance of emails leaked from a laptop owned by Hunter Biden weeks before the 2020 election. In addition, he blasted NPR's coverage of the Israel-Hamas conflict.

On each of these stories, Berliner asserts, NPR has suffered from groupthink due to too little diversity of viewpoints in the newsroom.

The essay ricocheted Tuesday around conservative media , with some labeling Berliner a whistleblower . Others picked it up on social media, including Elon Musk, who has lambasted NPR for leaving his social media site, X. (Musk emailed another NPR reporter a link to Berliner's article with a gibe that the reporter was a "quisling" — a World War II reference to someone who collaborates with the enemy.)

When asked for further comment late Tuesday, Berliner declined, saying the essay spoke for itself.

The arguments he raises — and counters — have percolated across U.S. newsrooms in recent years. The #MeToo sexual harassment scandals of 2016 and 2017 forced newsrooms to listen to and heed more junior colleagues. The social justice movement prompted by the killing of George Floyd in 2020 inspired a reckoning in many places. Newsroom leaders often appeared to stand on shaky ground.

Leaders at many newsrooms, including top editors at The New York Times and the Los Angeles Times , lost their jobs. Legendary Washington Post Executive Editor Martin Baron wrote in his memoir that he feared his bonds with the staff were "frayed beyond repair," especially over the degree of self-expression his journalists expected to exert on social media, before he decided to step down in early 2021.

Since then, Baron and others — including leaders of some of these newsrooms — have suggested that the pendulum has swung too far.

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Legendary editor marty baron describes his 'collision of power' with trump and bezos.

New York Times publisher A.G. Sulzberger warned last year against journalists embracing a stance of what he calls "one-side-ism": "where journalists are demonstrating that they're on the side of the righteous."

"I really think that that can create blind spots and echo chambers," he said.

Internal arguments at The Times over the strength of its reporting on accusations that Hamas engaged in sexual assaults as part of a strategy for its Oct. 7 attack on Israel erupted publicly . The paper conducted an investigation to determine the source of a leak over a planned episode of the paper's podcast The Daily on the subject, which months later has not been released. The newsroom guild accused the paper of "targeted interrogation" of journalists of Middle Eastern descent.

Heated pushback in NPR's newsroom

Given Berliner's account of private conversations, several NPR journalists question whether they can now trust him with unguarded assessments about stories in real time. Others express frustration that he had not sought out comment in advance of publication. Berliner acknowledged to me that for this story, he did not seek NPR's approval to publish the piece, nor did he give the network advance notice.

Some of Berliner's NPR colleagues are responding heatedly. Fernando Alfonso, a senior supervising editor for digital news, wrote that he wholeheartedly rejected Berliner's critique of the coverage of the Israel-Hamas conflict, for which NPR's journalists, like their peers, periodically put themselves at risk.

Alfonso also took issue with Berliner's concern over the focus on diversity at NPR.

"As a person of color who has often worked in newsrooms with little to no people who look like me, the efforts NPR has made to diversify its workforce and its sources are unique and appropriate given the news industry's long-standing lack of diversity," Alfonso says. "These efforts should be celebrated and not denigrated as Uri has done."

After this story was first published, Berliner contested Alfonso's characterization, saying his criticism of NPR is about the lack of diversity of viewpoints, not its diversity itself.

"I never criticized NPR's priority of achieving a more diverse workforce in terms of race, ethnicity and sexual orientation. I have not 'denigrated' NPR's newsroom diversity goals," Berliner said. "That's wrong."

Questions of diversity

Under former CEO John Lansing, NPR made increasing diversity, both of its staff and its audience, its "North Star" mission. Berliner says in the essay that NPR failed to consider broader diversity of viewpoint, noting, "In D.C., where NPR is headquartered and many of us live, I found 87 registered Democrats working in editorial positions and zero Republicans."

Berliner cited audience estimates that suggested a concurrent falloff in listening by Republicans. (The number of people listening to NPR broadcasts and terrestrial radio broadly has declined since the start of the pandemic.)

Former NPR vice president for news and ombudsman Jeffrey Dvorkin tweeted , "I know Uri. He's not wrong."

Others questioned Berliner's logic. "This probably gets causality somewhat backward," tweeted Semafor Washington editor Jordan Weissmann . "I'd guess that a lot of NPR listeners who voted for [Mitt] Romney have changed how they identify politically."

Similarly, Nieman Lab founder Joshua Benton suggested the rise of Trump alienated many NPR-appreciating Republicans from the GOP.

In recent years, NPR has greatly enhanced the percentage of people of color in its workforce and its executive ranks. Four out of 10 staffers are people of color; nearly half of NPR's leadership team identifies as Black, Asian or Latino.

"The philosophy is: Do you want to serve all of America and make sure it sounds like all of America, or not?" Lansing, who stepped down last month, says in response to Berliner's piece. "I'd welcome the argument against that."

"On radio, we were really lagging in our representation of an audience that makes us look like what America looks like today," Lansing says. The U.S. looks and sounds a lot different than it did in 1971, when NPR's first show was broadcast, Lansing says.

A network spokesperson says new NPR CEO Katherine Maher supports Chapin and her response to Berliner's critique.

The spokesperson says that Maher "believes that it's a healthy thing for a public service newsroom to engage in rigorous consideration of the needs of our audiences, including where we serve our mission well and where we can serve it better."

Disclosure: This story was reported and written by NPR Media Correspondent David Folkenflik and edited by Deputy Business Editor Emily Kopp and Managing Editor Gerry Holmes. Under NPR's protocol for reporting on itself, no NPR corporate official or news executive reviewed this story before it was posted publicly.