IELTS Writing Task 2 essay sample 3130 – Band 6.5
You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.
Write about the following topic:
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
Write at least 250 words.
Health and Well-being , Society and Community , Task 2 essay , Writing samples , Writing topics
The writing sample displayed here is the work of IELTS candidates and has been assessed by our team for guidance and practice purposes. These scores are not official IELTS scores.
Candidate’s Response:
People in the current generation suffer from fatness and in some cases obesity and they do not exercise regularly which causes health problems in future. The reasons and solutions will be discussed in the following paragraphs.
There are several reasons for lack of activity and not being fit. One of the reasons is that people follow sedentary lifestyle these days. They use their smart devices for long hours without any activation. They seat for long hours and usually do not spend some time for working out. To illustrate this, teenagers play online games via smart phones for hours and they do not like to participate in different exercises like group cycling. Obviously, this lifestyle prevents them from being fit and causes overweight in long term. Plus, using fast food has become a trend among people. It is hard for most people to resist against junk food since it is delicious. Furthermore, people do not have enough time for cooking and they prefer to eat something on the go which is unhealthy and causes overweight. For example, employees who work full time barely can cook as they are always busy so, they prefer to eat fast food because it saves their time and also it is delicious.
To solve the issue, government should formulate some policies in order to make people work out on a daily basis. The companies both in public and private sectors should have some obligatory plans for regular exercise for their employees in order to keep people fit. There should also be some training about the importance of using healthy food in schools. Teenagers should understand the consequences of using fast food constantly. People should be encouraged to use more organic food instead of conventional food by the government.
To sum up, sedentary lifestyle and usage of junk food are the main reasons of not being fit in society. It is the government’s responsibility to take some actions and make some plans for working out in offices. Encouraging people to use healthy meals can also be beneficial.
Presented By: Shahab Hosseinzadeh
April 20, 2024
Assessor’s Comment
Thank you indeed for writing this essay. Task Response (TR): The response addresses the task by discussing reasons for the lack of fitness and proposing solutions. However, the essay could further elaborate on the reasons and provide a more detailed analysis of the solutions. The introduction and conclusion are clear but could be more developed to encapsulate the essay's main points more effectively.
Coherence and Cohesion (CC): The essay is logically organized with clear paragraphing. Transitions like "Furthermore," "To solve the issue," and "To sum up" are used effectively. Some points, especially in the solutions section, could be explained more clearly and cohesively.
Lexical Resource (LR): The vocabulary is generally appropriate, with a reasonable range used. However, some word choices could be more precise, such as "activation" which might be better expressed as "physical activity." Minor inaccuracies in word choice and collocation slightly hinder clarity, like "seat for long hours" instead of "sit for long hours."
Grammatical Range and Accuracy (GRA): The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence structures. However, there are some grammatical errors and awkward constructions. Punctuation and sentence construction need attention, such as in "They seat for long hours and usually do not spend some time for working out," where better structuring would enhance clarity.
Overall Feedback: It addresses the topic and provides relevant arguments and examples. However, to reach a higher band, it's essential to enhance the development of ideas, improve grammatical accuracy, and use a wider range of vocabulary. The arguments could be more nuanced, and the structure needs to be tightened for better coherence and cohesion.
Kasra Sharifan
Ielts writing band descriptors:, video feedback.
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An Above 7.0 Sample
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