book review the five love languages

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Every christian's journey toward eternity…, the five love languages: book review and summary.

This post is about the book, The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman . On this page, you will read about its book review, book summary, best quotes, and the key lessons from the book.

Table of Contents

The Five Love Languages in three sentences

The Five Love Languages talks about the five different ways people communicate and interpret love. By knowing the specific love language of your spouse, you will have a richer and more intimate relationship. This book will give you practical and relevant wisdom in handling marital conflicts and promoting love in your marriage.

Content at a glance

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Dr. Gary Chapman is a well-known marriage counselor in the United States. He is also a speaker and author who have written tens of books, which include his most popular book, “The Five Love Languages.

At the time of this writing, he is the director of Marriage and Family Life Consultants, Inc. Gary travels the world to give seminars about relationships and parenting. He also gives radio talks that air on more than 400 stations.

Here’s a complete list of his books .

Here’s a quick look at the five love languages detailed in Gary Chapman’s book:

Words of Affirmation

People express their love through words of affirmation or words that express appreciation, praise, and love. 

People who have words of affirmation as their love language feel loved when you appreciate them and hear kind words from them.

Quality Time

Quality time is a love language spoken through giving your loved one your undivided attention. People who have this love language thrive not just by the amount you spend with each other, but by how you spend time together.

Physical Touch

When a person’s love language is physical touch, he/she gives love by touching people. In return, he/she feels love when receiving physical affection. 

For example, some men feel loved when they have sex. Some women love when their partner runs their hand down her/his back. Sometimes, physical touch is done through holding hands, cuddling on the couch, touching arms, hugging, or even giving a quick massage.

Acts of Service

A person who loves to serve other people is most likely a person who speaks the acts of service love language. This person likes to help in doing house chores, repairing things around the house, running errands, and whatever service they can provide.

As a result, they also feel loved when their spouse does things for them.

Receiving Gifts

Receiving gifts is a love language that makes a person feel loved when they receive gifts. It doesn’t have to be fancy or expensive. A simple handwritten letter or a handmade gift is enough for a person with this love language to feel valued and cared for.

On the other hand, people who love to receive gifts also give out gifts as a way for them to love others.

⚠️ Must read: Sometimes, it is easy to know your love language. However, this is not always the case. You can take the 30-question quiz from the official website of 5 Love Language to know your dominant love language.

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The 5 Love Languages was written by Gary Chapman in 1992. It outlines the five ways how people feel loved and express love. These five languages are acts of service, physical touch, quality time, receiving gifts, and words of affirmation.

In the book, you will read the practical applications of each love language. Mr. Chapman used real-life situations and stories to discuss concepts and convey his message.

The author theorized that the reason married couples become estranged from each other is that they don’t speak the right language.

There’s a conflict because one spouse thinks he is giving love, but the other doesn’t interpret it as love because she has a different concept of what it means to be loved.

For Mr. Chapman, married couples would become more in tune with their spouse’s needs when they know this love language, speak the right love dialect, and improve how they communicate. In a way, this is the best method of filling the emotional tank of each other.

The book has sold millions of copies since it was first published. On January 1, 2015, a revised edition was released which is what you most likely read today.

Because of the great success and popularity of the 5 Love Languages, Mr. Chapman wrote related books that are addressed to various groups:

• The Five Love Languages Military Edition
• The 5 Languages of Appreciation in the Workplace
• The Five Love Languages for Singles
• The 5 Love Languages for Men
• The 5 Love Languages of Teenagers
• The Five Love Languages of Children
• The 5 Apology Languages
• The One Year Love Language Minute Devotional

There’s a reason that the 5 Love Languages book of Gary Chapman has remained one of the top books about marriage. It has consistently topped the best book sellers list .

Here are the things that I love about the book:

Practical application

The book comes with wise and actionable insights. It doesn’t simply tell about marriage principles, highfalutin words of wisdom, relationship jargon, and theories.

When you understand the love language of your mate, a light bulb instantly sparked. You will better know how to express love and how you can become a better partner.

Easy to read and understand

The writer is no doubt a prolific author. Not only that, but I believe Mr. Chapman has a wonderful team of proofreaders and publishers who make sure that the book is written in the best way possible.

Helpful advice

I believe the best thing about this book is that what it says actually works!

When I learned that my wife’s love language is acts of service, I was amazed at how washing the dishes, taking out the trash, and sweeping the floor make her feel loved!

I told my wife that my love language is words of affirmation and because of that, she gives me more kind and encouraging words.

I believe if this worked in our relationship, then it can also work for others and that’s exactly what I also discover in other married couples. They applied the principles in this book and see a great improvement in their relationship.

⚠️ Must read: If you are looking for other books to read, check out my ultimate list of the best Christian books of all time .

Personally, I would highly recommend people to read this book and not just the married couples. The book comes with super helpful and practical tips on how to make relationships work.

Now, I went to see what others say about this book. On Amazon, it has a rating of 4.8 out of 5 stars from more than 60,500 reviewers.

So, dominantly, there are a lot of positive reviews. However, there are also those that are negative.

I think the primary reason people don’t like this book is that it is written by a Christian . I read the book and I could see that there’s a minimal Christian element in the book. Although, you can easily surmise that it is written by a Christian fellow.

With this in mind, if you don’t believe in God, then this book isn’t for it. If you don’t mind a little Christianity in the book, then I would suggest you still read it.

Moreover, some reviewers say that the book is old-fashioned and should also include non-traditional marriage settings like homosexual marriages.

Well, if that’s what they want, then they should not read this book. It is ridiculous to read a book and expect it to conform to your values and give it a negative review simply because it didn’t meet your belief.

After reading the book, there are a lot of things I have learned. However, I would just like to share this lesson, which I believe is something we all need to take note of.

The lesson is this:

Love is a choice.

True love isn’t simply a fuzzy and warm feeling you have inside you. Love is a choice because when the reality of marriage hits you, you will soon realize that a lot of expectations are not met.

There are times when you will not feel the “love” you used to have with your spouse. There are times as well that you will hate your spouse. Not only that, there are times when you wish you were in a different situation.

That’s why love is a CHOICE. You choose to still love your spouse even if the “feeling” isn’t there. You still choose to love even if you don’t feel like it.

Remember that marriage brings two entirely different people. They have different upbringings, personalities, and habits.

There will come a time when the two will clash. Marital misunderstanding and fights are not a question of if, but when. 

Conflicts are bound to happen.

In those moments, you will need to choose whether to still love your spouse or not.

This is what true love means.

True love demands great effort, discipline, and conscious decision. 

We may all have different love languages. We feel and express love in different ways. That’s why you must be willing to speak the love language of your spouse even if you don’t feel like it.

Because that’s what love is really about. Doing something that you might not like but you still do it anyway because it is what makes your spouse feel loved.

Love is an outgoing concern and care. It is not selfish. It always thinks about the welfare of the other person. You make decisions, not by yourself, but you make decisions together.

Now, here’s the good news. 

Because love is a choice then it means we are all capable of loving. 

We are creatures of decisions we make. Thus, we need to make sure that our decision leads to a loving and caring relationship.

We can all make that choice to love rather than to hate, to care rather than ignore, to build rather than destroy, to compliment rather than to nag, to forgive rather than to be bitter, to encourage rather than to degrade, and to help rather than to disregard.

Again, love is a choice.

The moment you say, “I don’t love her/him anymore,” that’s the time you decide not to love. It is not because you simply fell out of love, but you simply gave up. A lot of marriages end up with this statement as if they are helpless, as if they don’t have a choice, as if they can’t do anything about it anymore.

It is actually not a reason good enough to leave a marriage, but rather it is just a mere excuse. Remember that you made a commitment before God and other people that you will love each other in health and sickness, in abundance and scarcity, and in life and death.

This one thing is true: love is something you do for your spouse. It is not something you do for yourself.

Love is a choice and you can start choosing to love today.

Here are some of the best quotes worth reading:

• What good is the house, the cars, the place at the beach, or any of the rest of it if your wife doesn’t love you?
• Isolation is devastating to the human psyche. That is why solitary confinement is considered the cruelest of punishments.
• The eternality of the “in love” experience is fiction, not fact.
• The best thing we can do with the failures of the past is to let them be history… We cannot erase the past, but we can accept it as history
• Forgiveness is not a feeling; it is a commitment. It is a choice to show mercy, not to hold the offense up against the offender. Forgiveness is an expression of love.
• Love doesn’t keep a score of wrongs. Love doesn’t bring up past failures. None of us is perfect. In marriage, we do not always do the best or right thing.
• Love makes requests not demands…. however, you make demands, you have become not a lover but a tyrant.
• Many of us are trained to analyze problems and create solutions. We forget that marriage is a relationship, not a project to be completed or a problem to solve.
• Gifts are visual symbols of love.
• We are creatures of choice… Love is a choice and cannot be coerced.
• With empty love tanks, couples tend to argue and withdraw, and some may tend to be violent verbally or physically in their arguments. But when the love tank is full, we create a climate of friendliness, a climate that seeks to understand, that is willing to allow differences, and to negotiate problems.

⚠️ Must read: You can read more inspiring quotes in my post entitled, “ The Best Christian Quotes of All Time. “

There you have it, friends, my book review and a summary of the book, The Five Love Languages. I highly recommend you read this book if you wish you learn how to make relationships work. Single or married, you will surely benefit from this book.

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The 5 Love Languages Summary

1-Sentence-Summary: The 5 Love Languages shows couples how to make their love last by learning to recognize the unique way their partner feels love.

Favorite quote from the author:

Table of Contents

Video Summary

The 5 love languages review, audio summary, who would i recommend the 5 love languages summary to.

Anyone who has experienced romantic love can tell you that falling in love is easy. The hard part, especially in today’s world, is staying in love . So many couples drift apart. Distractions , conflicts, miscommunications , and boredom can get in the way of what was once a magical relationship. Staying in love takes work. Relationships need careful and attentive nurturing.

In The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts , we learn the remedy for all problems modern couples face. Dr. Gary Chapman is a marriage counselor who has found a proven method for making love last. He has given 15 million people improved relationships by teaching them their love languages, and he will help you identify yours.

Here are 3 of the most lovely lessons from this book:

• As your relationship matures, communication is key.
• There are 5 different ways people give and show love.
• Identify your and your partner’s love language to deepen intimacy.

Are you ready to learn how to grow closer to the people you love most? Let’s learn how!

If you want to save this summary for later, download the free PDF and read it whenever you want.

Lesson 1: As your relationship changes, communication will make it last.

Falling in love is amazing. There’s blushing, butterflies, flirting, and infatuation. We see the world through rose-colored glasses that can blur even our best judgment. As unromantic as it may sound, it’s driven by the instinctual drive to continue our species.

After around two years, however, those relationships based purely on romance will deteriorate. Reality creeps in, and couples start to have to work to meet each other’s emotional needs .

How do we make sure that we meet these necessities? Cultivate a relationship that allows for open and honest communication. As the excitement of new romance fades, we need to make sure that we can understand each other.

The best way to communicate as love matures is to find your companion’s love language.

Just like talking to someone who speaks an unfamiliar language, effectively communicating with your partner when you don’t speak the same love language is hard. The next lesson introduces us to the five different love languages to help you understand your significant other on a deeper, more intimate level.

Lesson 2: The five love languages are the different ways in which we express that we love someone.

Most languages have ways beyond words to express yourself. The same goes for love: There are different ways to show it. Here are five Chapman describes:

• Words of Affirmation . Words of praise and encouragement are a powerful way to share love for someone. To speak this language, you give verbal compliments often. Make sure they know you love their smile, their sense of humor, or that new outfit.
• Quality Time . Work and busy lives can get in the way of this love language all too easily. We can be in the same room as our partner and still fail to actually ‘be’ with them because of our electronics. The key to quality time is undivided attention. It can either be quality conversations or quality activities with your partner, like date night.
• Gift Giving . For some, gifts are a physical symbol of how their partner feels about them. Remember that it doesn’t matter how much it costs; it’s just the act of going out and getting or making a gift for your partner that will show them how you feel about them.
• Acts of Service . This is helping your partner with the things with which you know they would appreciate help. It can be things like helping the kids with homework, doing bills, or vacuuming, and will be different for everyone.
• Physical Touch . Even in infancy, humans need physical touch to thrive. We often forget, but this carries on into adulthood as well. Some ways you can express love in this way are holding hands, cuddling, kissing, or sex . Of course, find out what kinds of physical contact they like most, and this will deepen your intimacy.

Remember: There are many ways to show someone you love them . Be sure to use them all!

Lesson 3: To be closer with your significant other, learn each other’s love languages.

Now that you know the five love languages, you can figure out what your primary language is. Then, with the help of your partner, discover what theirs is.

Pinpointing your own is pretty easy: ask yourself what you most often request from your partner. Maybe you have been asking for help with the laundry or asking your partner if you both can put the kids to bed a little earlier so you can spend time together.

It can also help to think of what has made you feel most loved and appreciated in the past, whether it was a physical gesture, a gift, or a compliment.

Once you figure out what you enjoy, it’s time to find your pain points. Hurtful relationship experiences from your past can guide you to your love language. Think of times your emotional needs went unmet, or you were disappointed in a relationship.

It’s helpful to think of family relationships in childhood, because these shape the way we are as adults. If these experiences fall into the same category as a love language, like disappointing gifts, or a lack of time spent with you, then that is probably your love language.

After discovering your language, share it with your partner. Help them discover theirs. Once you both understand each other’s primary language, it will be much easier to meet each other’s needs.

You can help your partner feel more loved, appreciated, and understood the way it means most to them. Best of all, you can communicate to them how much you love them, and this will be the groundwork for building a fulfilling relationship that lasts.

The 5 Love Languages is essential for anyone who is in a serious relationship or ever plans to be in one. It will help couples understand each other better by teaching them how to find what their love language is. By explaining the love languages, it serves as a guide so couples can communicate better and build a relationship that lasts.

Listen to the audio of this summary with a free reading.fm account:

The 40-year-old married couple who feels that their love is waning, the 26-year-old newlyweds who are wanting to set solid ground for their marriage, and anyone in a relationship or considering one.

Last Updated on August 16, 2022

Luke Rowley

With over 450 summaries that he contributed to Four Minute Books, first as a part-time writer, then as our full-time Managing Editor until late 2021, Luke is our second-most prolific writer. He's also a professional, licensed engineer, working in the solar industry. Next to his day job, he also runs Goal Engineering, a website dedicated to achieving your goals with a unique, 4-4-4 system. Luke is also a husband, father, 75 Hard finisher, and lover of the outdoors. He lives in Utah with his wife and 3 kids.

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January 29, 2024

The 5 Love Languages Book Review: Can It Decode Love?

In our quest for bettering relationships, we recently got our hands on “The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts,” and it’s been an insightful journey into the dynamics of love and companionship. With its straightforward approach to cultivating a deeper connection with partners, it’s clear why this book has been well-received.

Navigating through the 208 pages, we discovered Gary Chapman’s perspective on how to effectively communicate and express love. The content is not just theoretical; it incorporates real-life scenarios that make the concepts tangible and applicable in daily life. Readers have expressed how the book’s principles, when applied, have resulted in a positive transformation in their relationships.

Conversely, some have initially perceived the content as tactics for emotional manipulation, only to realize that understanding and practicing these love languages is more about genuine care and communication. Positive feedback includes stories of rekindled love and newfound appreciation between couples.

The book’s accessibility is bolstered by its availability in both audio and physical formats, catering to different readers’ preferences. This accessibility has been appreciated by many who have found it easier to digest and retain the content when engaging with it through multiple mediums.

Bottom Line

For those seeking to revitalize their relationship or foster a stronger connection with their partner, “The 5 Love Languages” offers timeless advice that’s been proven to work wonders.

It’s a tool that goes beyond mere theory, offering actionable steps that can lead to lasting love and understanding. Don’t hesitate to add this essential read to your collection and begin the journey to a more fulfilling relationship.

Click here to get your copy and start speaking the language of love more fluently.

Overview of The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts

In our journey to understand relationship dynamics, we’ve come across “The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts,” a book that highlights the importance of understanding your partner’s love language. Based on the high ratings and sheer volume of feedback (over 90,000 ratings), it’s evident this book resonates with many.

The premise is straightforward yet profound: love can be expressed and received in five different ways—quality time, words of affirmation, gifts, acts of service, and physical touch. Understanding your own and your partner’s primary love language can transform your relationship. While the concept may sound simplistic, it’s the depth of insights and practical advice that adds value.

The book is far from a perfect manual; some may find certain love languages less amply covered than others. Nevertheless, the benefits of increased communication and understanding between partners are undeniable. It encourages readers to look beyond the surface of everyday interactions, digging into the emotional bedrock that sustains lasting connections.

Key Features

In the landscape of relationship guides, “The 5 Love Languages” book stands out for its unique approach. We’ve recently had the chance to dive into its pages and extract the essence of what makes it so compelling. While it’s important to bear in mind that no book is a magic bullet for relationship woes, this one provides tools that can truly enrich relationship dynamics when applied thoughtfully.

Tailored Relationship Advice

One of the book’s most impactful elements is its tailored advice. It doesn’t employ a one-size-fits-all method; instead, it guides you to understand which specific love language your partner responds to:

• Words of Affirmation – For those who value verbal acknowledgments of affection.
• Quality Time – Focused, undivided attention is crucial for these individuals.
• Receiving Gifts – Here, meaningful gifts hold great value as a love symbol.
• Acts of Service – For whom actions speak louder than words.
• Physical Touch – This language includes everything from hand-holding to cuddling.

While every person may relate to all these languages, the book’s premise is that we often have a primary love language that resonates more with us than the others.

Practical Examples

The book doesn’t just theorize; it provides practical examples of how you can show love in ways that will be most meaningful to your partner based on their primary love language. What resonates with us is the simplicity of these examples:

• Drafting a heartfelt note for your words-of-affirmation partner.
• Setting up a phone-free dinner date for the quality-time aficionado.

These examples prove that acts of love need not be grandiose; it’s the thoughtfulness and personalization that count.

Real-Life Testimonials

Throughout the chapters, real-life testimonials showcase how myriad people have used the 5 love languages to turn their relationships around. These personal accounts make the principles in the book more relatable and credible:

• Happiness bloom – A spouse learns to speak their partner’s love language, leading to newfound happiness.
• Enhanced communication – Individuals who apply the concepts find that understanding each other’s love languages opens up communication pathways.

It becomes apparent that this book doesn’t just preach; it shows transformation through storytelling, which we find quite impactful.

Accessible Format

Lastly, the book is praised for its accessible format:

• Engaging audio versions – Perfect for those who absorb information better through listening.
• Concise and clear writing – The content is delivered in a manner that’s easy to understand, without unnecessary jargon or complexity.

Whether you prefer a physical copy to flip through or the convenience of an audiobook, “The 5 Love Languages” accommodates various preferences, making its insights reachable to a broad audience.

From our recent reading, we can affirm that “The 5 Love Languages” could very well serve as a tool for deepening connections. It shines in its practicality and applicability, although, as with any self-help resource, the results depend on the commitment and interpretation of its readers.

Pros and Cons

After spending quality time with “The 5 Love Languages,” it’s clear why it has become a cornerstone in relationship literature. Our insights highlight the practical wisdom found within its pages, balanced with an honest look at where it may not resonate with every reader.

• Actionable Concepts: Our experience found the book’s concepts incredibly actionable, providing clear guidance on nurturing relationships. Readers can employ the suggested techniques to better express and receive love, fostering more satisfying connections with their significant others.
• Relatable Scenarios: The examples in the book felt genuine and a mirror to everyday relationship dynamics, which made the content quite relatable. We found ourselves nodding along, recognizing patterns described in our own interactions.
• Broad Relevance: Whether single, dating, or married, the insights we gained can be applied across various stages of relationships. This versatility is a testament to the book’s substantial scope of impact on improving communication and understanding between partners.
• Overall Readability: The language is accessible and easily digestible, dispensing with complex jargon that often clouds self-help literature. It’s a breeze to read, which encourages thorough engagement with its lessons.
• Positive Outcomes: Adopting the strategies, even as a trial, resulted in a noticeable improvement in how we expressed affection and understood each other’s emotional needs. It truly serves as a useful tool for ameliorating the bond between partners.
• Perception of Manipulation: When initially delving into the strategies, they appear to be methods of manipulation. This perspective may initially unsettle some readers until they grasp the underlying intent of fostering genuine understanding and communication.
• Depth of Coverage: While touching upon a variety of key points, we observed that some readers might desire a deeper exploration of certain complex relationship issues. The book’s concise nature means it won’t have all the answers to every specific problem one might encounter.
• One-Size-Fits-All Approach: Not every recommendation might align with the unique circumstances or personalities in a relationship. We found that while the foundational advice is solid, individual adaptation is sometimes necessary for the concepts to be fully effective.
• Repetitiveness: Some sections of the book seemed repetitive, which might be intentional for reinforcement of important ideas, but could be perceived as padding to some readers.

Our journey through the book revealed the practical power of understanding and applying the five love languages. While there are minor caveats to consider, it’s undeniable that this book offers valuable strategies for deepening relationship bonds.

How This Book Benefits Your Relationship

When we picked up “The 5 Love Languages,” we were curious to see if it could truly enhance our relationships. It’s easy to think that a book might not have much impact, but this one took us by surprise. Its core principle is simple: understanding how our partners express and receive love can transform our connection with them. Our experience with the book showed us that it goes beyond the surface of communication, offering practical and insightful ways to identify and speak each other’s love language.

One evident advantage for us was the improvement in expressing affection effectively. What seemed like routine interactions became more meaningful. Even during disagreements, recalling the insights from the book guided us to approach each other with more empathy. We noticed a shift in our dynamic as we started implementing the author’s suggestions, leading to a deeper understanding and respect for one another’s emotional needs.

Not everything in the book was a perfect match for our situation, but that’s the beauty of it. It encourages a customizable approach to building and maintaining a healthy relationship. While the content is broadly applicable, everyone’s relationship is unique, and the book respects that by offering a flexible framework rather than rigid rules. Whether you’re just starting a new relationship or looking to rekindle the flame in a longstanding partnership, “The 5 Love Languages” gives you tools that can lead to more joy and fulfillment together.

Customer Reviews

We’ve scoured the feedback from readers who have dived into “The 5 Love Languages” and found an overwhelming sense of appreciation for its insights. With a remarkable average rating of 4.8 from over 91,000 reviews, it’s clear that many have found real value in Chapman’s work. As we sifted through the testimonials, we noticed a common theme: a transformation in how readers approach their relationships.

Some reviewers initially approached the book with skepticism, suspecting it of offering mere manipulation tactics, but those hesitations were often replaced by revelations about the depth and practicality of the advice given. Many shared stories of rejuvenated relationships and increased satisfaction after applying the book’s principles, not just in marriages but across all forms of personal connections.

In the realm of criticism, a few found some concepts to be slightly repetitive, and some wished for more depth in certain areas, implying the book might benefit from additional content in future editions. However, these points did not detract significantly from the overall positive reception.

It’s worth mentioning that the book’s approach resonates with both singles and couples, indicating its versatility in addressing the needs and growth of various types of relationships. It seems that “The 5 Love Languages” has made quite an impact on its readers, providing them with a toolkit for nurturing and understanding their love bonds more profoundly.

After spending time with “The 5 Love Languages,” we’ve found that it has a wealth of insights applicable to both fresh and seasoned relationships. Despite initial skepticism, the concepts have grown on us, showing how understanding and applying different communication of affection can positively transform relationships. It’s more than a theoretical guide; it’s a practical tool for connecting and repairing the intimacy in partnerships.

The book isn’t without its critics—some may view it as an oversimplification of human emotional needs. Yet, we can’t ignore the plethora of positive outcomes it’s had for countless readers, as evidenced by the high volume of supportive reviews. We appreciate that the strategies it discusses are straightforward and actionable, aimed at fostering deeper understanding and care between partners.

For anyone willing to look beyond surface-level techniques and explore meaningful ways to enrich their relationships, this book is a compelling read. Whether reading alone or discussing with a significant other, it offers a clear path toward speaking a partner’s emotional language and nurturing a lasting bond.

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February 5, 2024

The Five Love Languages: Summary Review & Takeaways

This is a summary review of The Five Love Languages containing key details about the book.

What is The Five Love Languages About?

The Five Love Languages outlines five general ways that romantic partners express and experience love, which Chapman calls "love languages". They are acts of service, gift-giving, physical touch, quality time, and words of affirmation.

The author theorizes that people tend to naturally give love in the way that they prefer to receive love, and better communication between couples can be accomplished when one can demonstrate caring to the other person in the love language the recipient understands.

Who is the Author of The Five Love Languages?

Gary Chapman, PhD, is the author of the bestselling The 5 Love Languages series. Dr. Chapman travels the world presenting seminars on marriage, family, and relationships, and his radio programs air on more than 400 stations.

What are key takeaways from The Five Love Languages?

Takeaway #1 finding and filling the love tank.

Love languages are no different than foreign languages in that if you don't speak the same language as your loved one, you won't be able to understand them. A love language is more than words though, it's the way we express love through body language and tone of voice and how we receive love can be very different from our partner. That's why, when you're not speaking the same language as your partner and mistranslate their words or actions, misunderstandings, conflict, and resentment arise.

Understanding your partner's love language takes time and requires both parties to uncover the nuances of each other's love language but when you understand how each of you works, you'll know how to keep fulfilling both of your emotional needs long after the rose tinted glasses have come off.

Takeaway #2 The 5 Love Languages

The 1st love language is known as 'Words of Affirmation'. It sounds obvious that kind words that compliment and positively encourage your partner have the ability to fill their love tank but when we don't know the other's love language our requests can be heard as demands. The solution is to focus on what your partner does right and compliment them on that thing each and every time rather than taking things for granted or making demands of them.

The 2nd love language is spending quality time together. Being in the same room is not enough if this is your partner's primary love language – they must feel that they have your undivided attention free from distractions in order to feel loved, respected, and appreciated. Watching TV together does not count, your partner needs you to spend time on a quality conversation or doing a quality activity together, one that builds memories or helps plan the future.

The 3rd love language is fulfilled by receiving gifts. By giving your partner gifts you are giving them symbols of your love – it doesn't matter about the cost of the item, the fact that you thought of them and sought out a gift for no reason is enough to make them feel loved. Most couples give gifts in the beginning of a relationship but perhaps due to finances and other responsibilities such as young kids, gift giving can soon be relegated to birthdays and holidays only leaving your partner feeling unloved and emotionally abandoned.

The 4th love language is fulfilled by acts of service, this means that your partner needs you to do useful things such as taking out the trash, washing the dishes, and grocery shopping so that they feel loved. Unfortunately, for this love language to work without resentment, acts of service cannot be demanded, they need to be done voluntarily. Ask your partner what you can do for them rather than making them have to ask for it from you.

The 5th love language is physical touch. If this is your partner's primary love language you will need to show your love through touch – Not only is this done through sexual intercourse but by holding hands, stroking their arm, hugging, and affectionately pecking your partner on the cheek or lips. Hugging or kissing your partner when other people are around also makes them feel especially loved and appreciated.

Takeaway #3 Discover Your Love Language

Out of the above 5 love languages, which do you require most often from your partner? Whether it's quality time together, hearing words of affirmation, touch, your partner doing something for you, or receiving gifts, the thing that makes you feel the most fulfilled is likely to be your primary love language. The things that your partner does or does not do that you find the most hurtful can also lead you to finding your love language – If you get upset when they don't kiss you hello or goodbye, your love language might be touch.

Now that you know your love language, let your partner know! Then, consider your partners love language and do those things that keep his or her love tank filled.

Book details

• Print length: 232 Pages
• Audiobook: 4 hrs and 46 mins
• Genre: Nonfiction, Self Help, Relationships, Psychology, Marriage, Personal Development

What are the chapters in The Five Love Languages?

Chapter One - Staying in Love after the Wedding Chapter Two - Love Language #1: Words of Affirmation Chapter Three - Love Language #2: Quality Time Chapter Four - Love Language #3: Receiving Gifts Chapter Five - Love Language #4: Acts of Service Chapter Six - Love Language #5: Physical Touch Chapter Seven - Discovering Love that Lasts

What are some of the main summary points from the book?

Here are some key summary points from the book:

What are good quotes from The Five Love Languages?

"People tend to criticize their spouse loudly in the area where they themselves have the deepest emotional need."

― Gary Chapman - The Five Love Languages Quotes

How do you discover your Love Languages?

Chapman suggests that to discover another person's love language, one must observe the way they express love to others, and analyze what they complain about most often and what they request from their significant other most often.

What do critics say?

Here's what one of the prominent reviewers had to say about the book: "In this unabridged recording of material the author has been perfecting for years, he says that people experience love most strongly through one of five love languages--quality time, words of encouragement, gifts, acts of service, and physical touch. Chapman's thoughtful, youthful sounding voice offers these insights not as the Five Commandments of Marriage, but as suggestions he hopes will be helpful. He provides humble examples from his counseling practice, which illuminate his ideas and give a human, down-to-earth quality to the lesson. Without making light of the work a marriage requires, he'll convince most listeners that with just a little planning and effort they can make a good marriage great and a broken partnership truly satisfying again." — AudioFile Portland, Maine

* The summary points above have been concluded from the book and other public sources. The editor of this summary review made every effort to maintain information accuracy, including any published quotes, chapters, or takeaways

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It Isn’t About Your Love Language; It’s About Your Partner’s

A framework meant to help people become more attuned to their partners now gets treated like a personality test.

The idea that there are five distinct “love languages” may be as familiar to some people today as the idea that there are seven continents, four seasons, or three Stooges—which is a pretty spectacular showing, all told, for a concept that was introduced in a 1992 book by a Southern Baptist pastor that was aimed mostly at married Christian couples. The author, Gary Chapman, based his theory that everyone has a primary love language (that is, a category of behaviors that they most immediately associate with affection) on his own observations as a counselor. Enumerated in the book and now well known to millions, the five love languages are quality time, physical touch, acts of service, giving and receiving gifts, and words of affirmation.

Clearly, the theory resonated: If you were to search for the phrase love language on Twitter, perhaps late on a Wednesday morning, you’d likely find more than 50 tweets from the past hour containing the phrase. Some would be jokes: Brunch is my love language. Downtempo experimental bass is my love language. Listening to Dave Ramsey’s podcast together is my love language. Weed, music, avocado tzatziki—all have been cited as at least one person’s self-described love language. Other tweets would be earnest and self-appraising: Hanging out on the couch with him this weekend made me so happy—guess my love language is quality time. Almost all of them would also identify or explain the person’s own love language.

Elsewhere on the internet, such as on Reddit’s popular relationship-advice forum, r/relationships, the concept of love languages is equally ubiquitous , though taken a little more seriously. Advice-seekers frequently write in with dilemmas that are variations on a small handful of themes: “My partner and I don’t share the same love language,” “I’m failing to ‘speak’ my partner’s love language,” and “My partner is failing to speak mine.” Over the years, the idea has gotten high-profile exposure from celebrities like the “Millionaire Matchmaker” Patti Stanger and been discussed on TV shows like The Real Housewives of Orange County.

Read: Why are Millennials so into astrology?

Today, people often trot out their self-identified love languages as shorthand to indicate how they behave in relationships, in the same casual and convenient way they might refer to their astrological sign or Myers-Briggs type (or Enneagram type, or Hogwarts house ). In a recent Vice story about how the love-languages theory got so popular, for example, the author used zodiac terminology to talk about her love language, identifying herself as “an ‘acts of service,’ with a ‘words of affirmation’ rising.”

This self-focused way of discussing love languages is very different from what the concept’s inventor seems to have intended. As the idea has grown ever more ingrained in the popular consciousness (and ever more disconnected from the text that introduced it), Chapman’s consistent urging toward learning other people’s love languages and modifying one’s own behavior accordingly has been de-emphasized. In its place has emerged a notion that the point of knowing your love language is to find a partner with the same one, or to request that others learn to “speak” it. And as a result, at least according to some researchers, the real value of love languages as a relationship tool may be getting lost in a large-scale cultural game of telephone.

In 1992, Moody Publishers had “high hopes” for its release of Gary Chapman’s The Five Love Languages . A pastor at Calvary Baptist Church in Winston-Salem, North Carolina, Chapman had been counseling couples for years, and he had recently been teaching the love-languages theory to seminars full of husbands and wives. Now he was putting his ideas into print.

Moody ordered about 8,000 copies of The Five Love Languages in its first run, according to Janis Todd, a publicity manager for the publishing house who has been working with Chapman’s book for 20 years. It enjoyed robust sales for a few years, she told me—and then sometime around 1999 or 2000, “the trajectory for sales began to almost just go straight up.” The book, a long-standing New York Times best seller, has now sold more than 12 million copies and been printed in 50 languages. Chapman’s The Five Love Languages has also spawned five special editions (for parents of small children, parents of teenagers, singles, men, and members of the military), an app called Love Nudge for couples, and a popular website launched in 2010 , where more than 30 million people have taken a quiz designed to help individuals identify their own love languages.

Todd is well aware that the idea—that there are five love languages and everyone has a primary one—has eclipsed in popularity the book that introduced it. “People are using the phraseology of ‘love languages,’ and not even realizing it’s coming from this book,” she told me. At this point, she added, “it sort of has a life of its own.” (Indeed, as the Vice story noted, some therapists even impart the idea of love languages to their couples-therapy clients without having read the book: One therapist told the author she knew enough to know it was “a vehicle for people to communicate about yourself to someone else. It’s a way to ask for what you need.”)

But people who become familiar with the concept without reading the book often think, Todd noted, that people should simply express love in the way that feels natural to them and then explain to their partners that that’s their love language—or that the point is to know your own love language solely for the purpose of telling your partner what you want. Certainly, Todd emphasized, it’s good to know your own love language, and it’s healthy to communicate to your partner what makes you feel appreciated and what doesn’t do much for you. But Chapman’s advice, she pointed out, doesn’t stop there so much as it starts there.

If you sit down and read Chapman’s book, it’s clear that the love language you’re meant to think about isn’t your own, but your partner’s. The first chapter concludes by hammering home that the pathway to a more fulfilling relationship is to tailor your own expressions of love to what makes your partner feel loved: “We cannot rely on our native tongue if our spouse does not understand it,” Chapman writes. “If we want them to feel the love we are trying to communicate, we must express it in their primary love language.”

Chapman then devotes five chapters to identifying each of the love languages in a partner, just one to identifying your own love language, and the better part of six chapters—essentially the rest of the book—to specific strategies for adapting your behavior to your partner’s love language. In other words, what often gets lost in the discourse is that The Five Love Languages encourages attentiveness and behavioral self-regulation above all else.

Which, if you ask some relationship researchers, is a shame—because that’s the part that holds the most promise.

When the love-languages concept entered the cultural lexicon, it soon attracted the interest of a handful of relationship and marriage researchers who wanted to test Chapman’s claims as scientific hypotheses. Their findings have been mixed, but some researchers have found its attentiveness-plus-behavioral-change formula worthwhile. One study determined, for instance, that Chapman’s advice was likely to produce certain established “relational maintenance” behaviors that research had previously linked to higher rates of love, satisfaction, commitment, and equity in relationships. So in theory, it was certainly possible that a couple who applied the principles of The Five Love Languages to their day-to-day lives could end up with higher levels of relationship satisfaction. Another study found that love-language alignment (or two halves of a couple identifying as having the same love language) was a somewhat weak predictor of relationship satisfaction, especially when compared with self-regulating one’s behavior according to a partner’s wants and needs.

Julie Gottman—who co-founded the Gottman Institute for marriage and relationship research and therapy with her husband, the love and relationship researcher John Gottman, in 1996—told me she started getting questions about the love-languages idea about a decade ago. Often, the questions came from attendees at the couples workshops she hosts with her husband. Usually they were about whether they endorsed Chapman’s philosophy, and came from couples who had found the advice helpful.

“In workshops like that, you don’t want to invalidate somebody’s liking of a particular theory,” Gottman said.

Like other researchers in her field, Gottman harbors some doubts about the notion of love languages. For one thing, she’s not so sure about the idea that everyone has one primary language of affection; rather, she says, expressions of affection can vary in significance according to context. In some situations, an act of service or a word of affirmation will be especially meaningful to people even if they don’t believe their love language to be either of those things, for example, and “gifts” folks can encounter moments in which a well-intentioned gesture feels inadequate. Identifying a primary love language can also have a pigeonholing effect, she noted: Partners may begin to express affection in only one way, regardless of context, or recognize only one kind of act as an act of love. Plus, Gottman told me, some elements of a relationship that are framed as “love languages” in Chapman’s theory should be considered necessary ingredients in any healthy relationship—like quality time.

Read: Dear Therapist, I don’t understand why my girlfriend dumped me

And when partners use the concept of love languages only as a way to talk about how they themselves instinctively express affection or what makes them personally feel loved, Gottman noted, the idea can actively cause trouble in relationships. Some survivors of combat or sexual-abuse trauma, or some people with autism-spectrum disorders, for example, won’t respond well to partners who insist on physical touch as the way they want to give and receive affection. (“Occasionally, I have encountered a researcher who doesn’t agree with my findings, and I’m okay with that. I welcome the results they discover in their own research,” Chapman said. He added that he likes to learn about other researchers’ models and sample sizes and learn how they arrived at the conclusion that the love-languages theory doesn’t apply.)

When I told Gottman, though, about the research that linked the self-regulating piece of Chapman’s original love-languages idea to actual improvements in relationship satisfaction, I believe her response can fairly be paraphrased as, Well, yeah. Is it any wonder that paying attention to a partner’s needs and wants and acting accordingly results in a better relationship?

In more than two decades of working together, Julie and John Gottman have developed their own model for building successful relationships. Called the Sound Relationship House Theory, the Gottmans’ model imagines a house with seven levels, and the base level of the house—the foundation, if you will—is labeled on the Gottmans’ diagram as “Build Love Maps.” To build a love map of any particular partner, Gottman told me, is to ask yourself, “How well do you know your partner’s internal world? How well do you know what their needs are? Their values, their preferences, their childhood experiences, their history and other relationships, what their current stresses are? What their hopes and aspirations are? How well do you know the person that you’re relating to—how well do you really know them, all the way down?”

If there’s any room at all for the concept of love languages inside the Gottmans’ theory, it’s here—at the base level that’s about “knowing who this person is, and knowing them really well.” Learning your partner’s love language—that is, paying attention to what gestures of affection he or she appreciates and responding accordingly—could be one small part of that. Only after that foundation is laid, Gottman noted, can couples move on to building the next six levels of the house, which include things such as developing the habit of affirming a partner’s bids for your attention and learning how to effectively manage conflict .

The real value of the love-languages theory, then, seems to be that when applied as Chapman advised, it encourages people to simply be more attentive to their partners: to ask questions about how they like to be treated, to consciously express affection and support, to check in about what, as Chapman likes to say, “makes their love tank feel full.” Perhaps what people misunderstand about the love-languages theory is similar to what they often misunderstand about love itself: that considering the needs and wants of the other person first and then adjusting your own behavior—and not expecting it to work the other way around—is what makes the whole thing work.

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The Five Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts Paperback – Dec 1 2009

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• Print length 208 pages
• Language English
• Publisher Moody Publishing
• Publication date Dec 1 2009
• Dimensions 15.24 x 0.99 x 22.86 cm
• ISBN-10 9780802473158
• ISBN-13 978-0802473158
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Product details

• ASIN ‏ : ‎ 0802473156
• Publisher ‏ : ‎ Moody Publishing; Reprint edition (Dec 1 2009)
• Language ‏ : ‎ English
• Paperback ‏ : ‎ 208 pages
• ISBN-10 ‏ : ‎ 9780802473158
• ISBN-13 ‏ : ‎ 978-0802473158
• Item weight ‏ : ‎ 318 g
• Dimensions ‏ : ‎ 15.24 x 0.99 x 22.86 cm
• #328 in Marriage (Books)
• #2,176 in Parenting & Families (Books)
• #3,811 in Reference (Books)

About the author

Gary chapman.

Gary Chapman—author, speaker, and counselor—has a passion for people and for helping them form lasting relationships. He is the bestselling author of The 5 Love Languages® series and the director of Marriage and Family Life Consultants, Inc. Gary Travels the world presenting seminars, and his radio programs air on more than 400 stations.

For more information, visit 5lovelanguages.com or connect with Gary on his social platforms:

Twitter @DrGaryChapman

Facebook /5lovelanguages

Instagram /5lovelanguages

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Project Life Mastery

Gary Chapman – The 5 Love Languages Book Review

I just finished reading the book The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman and it was a fantastic book for singles, those in relationships, and especially those who are married.  I heard so much about the book from friends and it wasn't until I was in an airport and saw it on a shelf that I decided to read it.  Another motive for reading the book was because I have recently entered into a new relationship with a girl and thought it'd be useful to read a book on love.

Gary Chapman reveals that there are 5 Love Languages, or 5 ways for us to communicate love to one another, which is different for everybody.  It's important for you to figure out exactly what it takes for YOU to be loved, as well as what it takes for your LOVED ONES to be loved.  The mistake that many people make is that they assume that their partner has the same love language as them, which isn't true.  And whenever you don't feel loved in a relationship, or your “love tank is empty” as Gary Chapman says, the relationship is in danger.

Let me reveal to you the 5 Love Languages below so that you can better understand things:

1) Words of Affirmation

Some people feel most loved when they receive words of affirmation from their loved ones.  It may be being told “I love you”, or being praised, complimented, appreciated, supported, or encouraged.  Essentially, having affirming words will make you feel loved if this is your primary love language.

2) Quality Time

For some people, words of affirmation aren't it… they'll complain that “They say they love me, but they don't spend any quality time with me!”  If this is your case, then quality time may be your love language.  This can be someone listening to you, doing things with you, sharing experiences, looking into the other persons eyes, etc…  It's important for this person to be fully present and with you when they're spending time with you, so watching TV while your partner is talking to you doesn't count and isn't giving them your full attention.

3) Receiving Gifts

Receiving gifts may be your primary love language if you feel most loved when someone buys you gifts, whether it be small or big.  This may show you that this person really cares and you really appreciate anything that is given to you.  It could be receiving flowers, chocolates, cards, notes, etc… any gesture that is a gift will make you feel loved.

4) Acts of Service

Some complain that they want you to SHOW THEM that you love them, not tell them.  “Talk is cheap”, as the saying goes.  These people need acts of service, which is when others do things for them.  Someone with acts of service as their primary love language will feel most loved when someone cleans the house, does the dishes, laundry, cooks, helps them with projects or tasks, etc…  When someone does something for them, they feel loved.

5) Physical Touch

Lastly, physical touch may be your primary love language if you require physical affection to be loved.  It could be holding hands, being kissed, hugging, brief touches, or even sex.

Which Is Your Primary Love Language?

As mentioned earlier, we all have a primary love language.  While you may say, “All are important to me” , there is one that is the most dominant and vital for you to be loved consistently.  I had a difficult time with this, but after fully going through the book and doing their love language profile in the book and on their website, I am absolutely clear on what mine is.  The order of my love languages are:

1) Words of Affirmation 2) Physical Touch 3) Quality Time 4) Receiving Gifts 5) Acts of Service

If you want to find out what your love language is, I recommend you fill out the free love language profile on their website by clicking here .  I've had my girlfriend do it, and even friends and family members – it's extremely useful.

Your Love Tank

Gary Chapman often talks about when your “love tank” is empty, that's when a relationship is most in danger.  When you don't feel loved, it's the scariest thing on earth and you will often withdraw from your partner and won't be focused on loving them very much.  Gary shares countless examples in the book of marriages that are turned around simply by discovering their partners love language and focusing on making their partner feel loved.  Even partners that are mean-spirited, abusive and ignoring their partner have totally turned around simply by having their love tank filled up by their partner.  It's really remarkable to learn the power of this.

A good question to ask yourself, and your partner regularly is:

On a scale from 1-10, how full is your love tank right now?

Whatever the answer is, you want to make sure you focus on making your partner feel more loved by you.  One of my favourite beliefs about relationships is that a relationship is a place you go to GIVE, not to GET – and it's so true.  If you're focused on meeting your partners needs, you will have a love slave.

Overall, this was a remarkable book and I'm so happy that I read it, as my relationship with my parents, friends, and girlfriend has improved because of it.  I've told my parents and people in my life what my love language is and now I constantly feel more loved – it's amazing!

To check out The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman on Amazon.com, click here .

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BOOK REVIEW: The Five Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts by Gary Chapman

Pages:  203

Ideal Reader:  Couples (dating, engaged, married) who wish to enhance or improve their romantic/intimate relationship.  Applicable to all couples regardless of length of relationship, sexual orientation, or relationship makeup.

Ideal Issues Addressed:

• Disconnected from partner
• Spark is gone in the relationship
• Feeling like you and your partner are roomates
• Feeling unloved and unsure why partner says they don’t feel loved.
• Premarital counseling – learn how you and your partner give and receive love best.

Summary:  

One of the central ideas of this book is that love is a choice.  We choose to love others and how we express our love. This choice to love is especially important when the “in love” feeling many of us feel at the beginning of a relationship fades and our emotional need for love requires our partner to make a choice to fill our “Love Tank.”  Chapman explains there are five primary ways that people express and receive love in order to meet the emotional love needs of others and ourselves. Chapman describes these as love languages and uses a language metaphor throughout the book. These languages can be found within all cultures, though appropriate expression varies by culture and couple.  These five love languages include words of affirmation, receiving gifts, acts of service, physical touch, and quality time. Chapman dedicates one chapter to each of the five love languages, where he explains each one in detail. He uses personal reflections and example to benefit the reader’s understanding of the concepts. Each chapter also includes suggestions on how to learn to speak your partner’s primary love language.  Subsequent chapters discuss specific issues in which speaking our partner’s love language may be helpful. He also includes a frequently asked questions section and an assessment to help figure out your own love language profile at the end of the book. This book is a quick and easy read, written for couples or anyone within a relationship in order for them to learn and use this information without the requirement of outside assistance (ex:  therapists). Some chapters also have discussion or thinking points at the end related to the chapter which allows the reader to apply the information to their own life and engage their partner in a discussion.  While the books is meant to help your relationship without the aid of a third party, this can be difficult work to attempt alone. If you feel more help is required, please reach out to a couples therapist who can help you make the relationship stronger.  YOu are not a failure if you need to reach out, consider it an expression of love when doing so.

How it can Help:

• Learn five ways to express love to others
• Find out your own and your partner’s love language.
• Discussion questions for each chapter guide a discussion between you and your partner, allowing for re-connection before practicing the information in the book.
• Exercises and tips available to help you get started in speaking each other’s love language and strengthening the love in your relationship.
• Provides guidelines for love and marriage (non-intentionally).

Therapist’s Reflections:

This is a book I had sitting on my bookshelf for much longer than I’d like to admit.  I’d been putting it off to favor of reading other books that would enhance my therapeutic practice.  It wasn’t until I had several couples come in, and I found myself recommending this book and its ideas in session that I finally buckled down and read it.  I was surprised at how informative it was, while still being a quick and easy read; always a plus for books when you recommend them to clients. Not only did it explain the concepts in easy to ready terms, it also provided tips and exercises to help enhance learning and speaking your partner’s love language.  Some of the concepts seem cheesy or silly, but I really do feel they are useful. The information in this book has become a staple in my work with couples and had even bled into my work with families and individuals as well. I commonly start with talking about the five love languages with couples as I feel if partners feel more loved by each other, it will make discussions of even harder topics more manageable.  When people feel more loved, they are less likely to be defensive, be more open minded, more forgiving, and better able to come to an understanding. Also, we all have a need to feel loved, and it is within intimate relationships that we find the greatest potential for this love need to be fulfilled.

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Five Love Languages Revised Edition: The Secret to Love That Lasts Paperback – Big Book, 15 June 2015

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Marriage should be based on love, right? But does it seem as though you and your spouse are speaking two different languages? New York Times bestselling author Dr. Gary Chapman guides couples in identifying, understanding, and speaking their spouse’s primary love language―quality time, words of affirmation, gifts, acts of service, or physical touch. By learning the five love languages, you and your spouse will discover your unique love languages and learn practical steps in truly loving each other. Chapters are categorized by love language for easy reference, and each one ends with specific, simple steps to express a specific language to your spouse and guide your marriage in the right direction. A newly designed love languages assessment will help you understand and strengthen your relationship. You can build a lasting, loving marriage together. Gary Chapman hosts a nationally syndicated daily radio program called A Love Language Minute that can be heard on more than 150 radio stations as well as the weekly syndicated program Building Relationships with Gary Chapman, which can both be heard on fivelovelanguages.com. The Five Love Languages is a consistent new York Times bestseller - with over 5 million copies sold and translated into 38 languages. This book is a sales phenomenon, with each year outselling the prior for 16 years running! Includes a promotional code to gain exclusive online access to the new comprehensive love languages assessment.

• Part of series The 5 Love Languages Series
• Print length 256 pages
• Language English
• Publisher MOODY PUBLISHERS
• Publication date 15 June 2015
• Dimensions 13.97 x 0.99 x 21.59 cm
• ISBN-10 080241270X
• ISBN-13 978-0802412706
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Between busy schedules and long days, expressing love can fall by the wayside. We forget to compliment, to give gifts 'just because,' to linger in our embrace. The things that say 'I love you' seem to either not get said or not get through. This is a book about saying it—and hearing it—clearly. No gimmicks. No psychoanalyzing. Just learning to express love in your spouse’s language.

The 5 Love Languages has transformed countless relationships. Its ideas are simple and conveyed with clarity and humor, making this book practical as it is personable. You’ll be inspired by real-life stories and encouraged by its commonsense approach. reading this book feels like taking a walk with a wise friend. Applying it will forever change your relationship—starting today.

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About the author.

As anyone who has attended one of his marriage conferences knows, Dr. Gary Chapman’s expertise in marriage begins with the success and failures he and his wife Karolyn have experienced in their marriage for more than 45 years. He is just the man to turn to for help on improving or healing our most important relationships. His own life experiences, plus over thirty-five years of pastoring and marriage counseling, led him to publish his first book in the Love Language series,  The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts . Many of the millions of readers credit this continual  New York Times  bestseller with saving their marriages by showing them simple and practical ways to communicate love.

Since the success of his first book, Dr. Chapman has expanded his 5 Love Languages series with special editions that reach out specifically to singles, men, and parents of teens and young children.

He is the author of numerous other books published by Moody Publishers/Northfield Publishing, including  Anger ,  The Family You’ve Always Wanted ,  The Marriage You’ve Always Wanted ,  Desperate Marriages ,  God Speaks Your Love Language ,  How to Really Love Your Adult Child , and  One More Try . With Dr. Jennifer Thomas, he co-authored  When Sorry Isn’t Enough , which introduces readers to the 5 languages of apology.

Dr. Chapman speaks to thousands of couples nationwide through his weekend marriage conferences. He hosts a nationally syndicated radio program,  A Love Language Minute , and a Saturday morning program,  Building Relationships with Dr. Gary Chapman , both airing on more than 400 stations. Dr. Chapman and his wife have two grown children and currently live in Winston-Salem, North Carolina, where he serves as senior associate pastor at Calvary Baptist Church.

Dr. Chapman holds BA and MA degrees in anthropology from Wheaton College and Wake Forest University, respectively, MRE and PhD degrees from Southwestern Baptist Theological Seminary, and has completed postgraduate work at the University of North Carolina and Duke University.

Product details

• Publisher ‏ : ‎ MOODY PUBLISHERS; Reprint edition (15 June 2015)
• Language ‏ : ‎ English
• Paperback ‏ : ‎ 256 pages
• ISBN-10 ‏ : ‎ 080241270X
• ISBN-13 ‏ : ‎ 978-0802412706
• Dimensions ‏ : ‎ 13.97 x 0.99 x 21.59 cm
• 1 in Sex & Religion
• 3 in Christian Worship & Devotion
• 3 in Christian Marriage

About the author

Gary chapman.

Gary Chapman—author, speaker, and counselor—has a passion for people and for helping them form lasting relationships. He is the bestselling author of The 5 Love Languages® series and the director of Marriage and Family Life Consultants, Inc. Gary Travels the world presenting seminars, and his radio programs air on more than 400 stations.

For more information, visit 5lovelanguages.com or connect with Gary on his social platforms:

Twitter @DrGaryChapman

Facebook /5lovelanguages

Instagram /5lovelanguages

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A Book Review: “The Five Love Languages”

The book is eye-opening and mind-opening.  Much as we like to think we all speak a common language in our everyday conversations, our love languages can be just as different as well. The book describes the 5 love languages as follows:

1. Words of Affirmation – includes verbal compliments and words of appreciation

2. Quality Time – giving your undivided attention

3. Receiving Gifts – visual symbols of love

4. Acts of Service – doing things you know your spouse would like you to do

5. Physical Touch – not just the type you are thinking of (!), this includes holding hands, an arm around the waist, a foot rub and more

The descriptors are accurate representations of the language expressed yet there is so much awareness to be gained from delving into the contents of this easy-reading book.  A profile for each spouse is included in the book to help each identify their love language. Tips and to-do’s are scattered through out to help you express your affection to your spouse in a manner that is highly meaningful to them, that is, in their language of love.

I had no idea how little I knew about the languages of love.  I hope you find the insights in this book as helpful as I did.

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The 5 Love Languages Explained

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You don't need relationship experience to know that everybody loves differently. How we love has everything to do with who we are as individuals and the experiences we've had. Realizing this difference could result in communication problems — or successes! Marriage counselor Gary Chapman, Ph.D. created the concept of the five love languages, and relationships have been better for it ever since.

According to Chapman's 1992 book, " The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts ," everyone has a love language, and knowing our own as well as the languages of those around us can make for greater relationship satisfaction through better communication. "After many years of counseling couples in crisis and taking notes during each session, I sat down one day and began thinking about what it takes for a person to feel loved," Chapman told  HuffPost . "It became apparent to me that what makes one person feel loved isn't always the same for their spouse or partner. I discovered every person understands and receives love in a specific language, one of five to be precise."

It's important to understand that, although everyone has a primary love language that they tend to "speak," many of us have bits and pieces of the other love languages in us as well. Also, while Chapman's original concept had only five love languages, three new love languages have been added to account for changing needs in relationships and communication. Not sure what yours is? No worries, we got you. 

Read more: A Crash Course On Dirty Talk (Because We're Awkward Too)

Words Of Affirmation

If someone's love language is words of affirmation, it doesn't mean that they need to be told that they're loved all day long. It goes beyond that — although for these people, "I love you" will never get old — and should convey appreciation, encouragement, and a whole slew of other positive feelings too. 

"One way to define [words of affirmation] would be words of appreciation or words of praise," licensed professional psychologist Vagdevi Meunier, Psy.D. told  Prevention . "Think about how to give somebody words of affirmation that are about their being ... that have to do with the personal qualities that this person brings: how generous they are, how kind they are, how smart they are, how flexible they are, how gentle, kind, or compassionate they are." Then say those words out loud to them or, if you want to put in more effort, write it down.

In practice, words of affirmation can look like sending a thoughtful, supportive text message to your partner just because, or reminding them on a cute post-it how much they matter and how you value everything they do. It's about making them feel revered and doing so honestly and authentically.

Quality Time

For people whose love language is quality time, they feel most loved when they're getting 100% of their partner's attention. What this means is that spending time together while watching Netflix or while you both doom-scroll on Instagram doesn't count. The only way to successfully speak the language of quality time is to be completely engaged, focused, and free from any and all distractions. You want to actively listen to your partner when they talk and thoughtfully respond. It's about being present, open, and vulnerable. The best way to do this for them is to actually make time for it, as opposed to just leaving it up to chance.

According to a March 2023 YouGov poll , the most common love language, at 30%, is quality time. In other words, even if it's not your love language or that of your partner, there's a very good chance that you're going to meet someone who has it. So you might want to start mastering those skills now. 

Acts Of Service

Acts of service are all about giving a helping hand and, ideally, doing it for your partner before they ask. "This love language is for people who believe that actions speak louder than words," couples' psychotherapist Fariha Mahmud-Syed, MFT, CFLE told  Mind Body Green . "Unlike those who prefer to hear how much they're cared for, people on this list like to be shown how they're appreciated."

If your partner's love language is acts of service, then it's up to you to really pay attention so you can do what it takes to make things smoother in their life. It's about listening to them and staying ahead of their concerns so they know they're not just loved, but their needs are recognized. If they have a deadline at work that they're stressed about, or not enough hours in the day to do everything they need to do, stepping up to the plate to help out is exactly how they're going to feel most loved. It involves reading between the lines and noticing where you can lighten the load. 

Receiving Gifts

Sometimes people tend to think that gift-giving as a love language is materialistic and maybe even greedy, but that couldn't be further from the truth. For those whose love language is receiving gifts, they don't need extravagance to feel loved. For them, it's genuinely the thought that truly counts.

"If one's love language is gift giving, it simply means that one received early in life the clear communication that giving a gift is an important, acceptable, and/or clear way to show others how you feel about them and that you love and appreciate them," licensed clinical psychologist Juanita Guerra, Ph.D. told  Women's Health . Even something minute, but tangible and thoughtful can really go a long way for these people. What's also great about gift receivers is that, in turn, they love to give gifts to show their affection and appreciation. And because they put a lot of thought into what they're giving, they always give the best gifts too.

Physical Touch

While someone whose love language is physical touch isn't necessarily ruling out sexual activity, their needs regarding communicating love are more about hugging, kissing, holding hands, and just being physically close. "Physical touch, specifically cuddling, releases oxytocin, the feel-good hormone that makes you feel like nothing can hurt you," behavioral scientist and relationship coach, Clarissa Silva told  Verywell Mind . "In addition to the bonding [cuddling] creates between the couple, it also helps boost your immune system." These are the people who have had a taste of oxytocin, became hooked, and want more — or all of it, to be exact.

While knowing your loved ones' love language can be beneficial, there can also be a learning curve. If your love language is receiving gifts and your partner's is quality time, you both might have your work cut out for you in the beginning, but it's work that will be worth it. "When we know how we experience love and also understand the ways that our partner experiences love, it helps us create a meaningful, healthy, authentic connection," licensed clinical psychologist Avigail Lev, Psy.D. told  Forbes . Granted, that doesn't guarantee relationship perfection, but it does get people one step closer to it. 

Read the original article on Women .